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Criminal Inquiry Shifts To JPMorgan's Mispricing Of Hundreds Of Billions In CDS: Is Dimon The Next Diamond?

Tyler Durden's picture


On the last day of May, when we first learned via Bloomberg that there was even the scantest likelihood that JPM may have been massaging its CDS marks within the (London-based of course) CIO organization - the backbone of hundreds of billions in notional exposure, and thus a huge counterfeited benefit to trader bonuses and corporate earnings - we wrote, "The Second Act Of The JPM CIO Fiasco Has Arrived - Mismarking Hundreds Of Billions In Credit Default Swaps" in which we explained precisely how this activity would and did take place, precisely why other traders caught doing the same are on the verge of being thrown in jail, precisely why everyone else does it, and precisely why the biggest CDS self-reporting and client/banker owned-organization (this is where images of Libor should appear), MarkIt, may well be implicated in everything - very much in the same way that the BBA is the heart of Lie-borgate. Because unlike all other allegations of impropriety, most of which rely on Level 2 and Level 3 assets whose valuations are in the eye of the oh so very sophisticated beholder (in this case JPM) who has complex DCFs and speaks confidently when explaining marks to naive, stupid outsiders (in other words baffles with bullshit), when it comes to one of the last places where Mark to Market is still applicable and used: the OTC CDS market, and where daily P&L records are kept, it will take any regulator, enforcer, or criminal investigator precisely 1 minute to find out if there was fraud, or gambling, going on here.

Then lo and behold, none other than JPM admitted minutes before releasing its Q2 earnings that it had been doing precisely what Zero Hedge accused it of doing nearly 2 months earlier (but of course Jamie Dimon had no idea, no idea, what the media accused his firm of doing), and in doing so exposed itself to just as much litigation risk as Barclays in the Lie-borgate scandal, while further throwing a monkey wrench into the CDS market, where all the other banks (who had been doing just the same), will no longer be able to pick off the bid/ask spread in the process crushing CDS trader bonuses, and resulting in billions in foregone imaginary profits.

Most importantly, it opened up the firm to a criminal investigation. Which as Reuters reports, is precisely what has now happened.

From Reuters' Matt Goldstein and Jennifer Ablan:

Before last week's disclosure, the criminal probe largely had focused on the personal trading of some CIO traders, two of those sources said. The authorities were looking for evidence that some in London may have sold shares of JPMorgan in advance of the firm's May 10 disclosure that it could lose a minimum of $2 billion on the derivatives trades gone awry.


Now the investigation is focused on whether three JPMorgan employees in London committed fraud in reporting on their transactions. The bank is cooperating with authorities.

Obviously, nobody at the top had any idea of anything that was going on...

JPMorgan's chief executive, Jamie Dimon, and some of his top lieutenants did not learn about the potential misconduct by some CIO employees until early last week, said these sources, who were not authorized to speak publicly on the matter

Maybe he should have been reading Zero Hedge? Because said otherwise, as JPM is allegedly to its CIO traders, so Goldman Sachs is to Fabrice Tourre. Remember him - he was the only person who in 2006-2008 was singlehandedly masterminding Goldman's CDO fraud, which the firm settled for a then record sum. Nobody else: it was just him. Well, if the glove fits, JPM will do the same, and is about to throw some of its heretofore most profitable traders under the bus.

In fact, some of these traders who will have been "discovered" to be mismarking their books will most likely be the same people who have already lost their jobs and are in the process of clawing back pay:

So far, the trading loss has cost a number of people their jobs, including Ina Drew, the former head of the CIO, who resigned in May. Also gone from the bank are three traders in London, Bruno Iksil -- who gained fame as the "London Whale" for his large trades -- Achilles Macris and Javier Martin-Artajo.


Lawyers in London for Iksil and Martin-Artajo did not return phone calls or email seeking comment. A lawyer in New York for Macris declined to comment.


A lawyer in New York for Drew did not return request for comment. A family member who answered the phone at Drew's home said she was not available for comment.

Here's the problem: nobody will be stupid enough to believe for one second that the marks on hundreds of billions in securities passed from the front office straight to JPM's 10-Q without vetting by middle office, back office, Treasury office, and even in some cases, counterparties. In other words, if JPM is indeed stupid enough to attempt to pull a "Fabrice Tourre" on CIO, it won't work.

Actually scratch that: it may work, but it will involve a "fine", i.e., a bribe of about $1 billion to the SEC, and countless promises of perpetual campaign donations to all the other corrupt members of congress and the senate. Which if this fraud flies by unscathed will mean all of them.

Ironically, if only JPM had indeed been honest, and told the public that not only did it have a loss, but it had discovered "material lapses in internal control" back on May 10 when the story hit, it would be a non-event by now. Instead, with the phased in revelations of events that even the most inexperienced trader knows full well all took place at the same time, it is becoming very obvious that Jamie Dimon and crew are merely hiding more and more revelations in some dark corner.

And what is scariest is that all this excludes the liability that the bank will with absolute certainty have as a result of Liborgate, and that it is one of the only three US members of the USD Libor fixing committee at the British Banksters Association.

We will leave the final words to our good friend from Bloomberg Jonathan Weil, who said that "It was once inconceivable that Dimon might someday wind up like Barclays CEO Bob Diamond, who resigned last week after that company's Libor scandal broke wide open. It's not anymore."

It certainly is not.


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Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:12 | 2622313 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

How's that silver market investigation going??

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:22 | 2622338 The Monkey
The Monkey's picture

But, but, but... Dimon's part of the NY Fed.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:36 | 2622383 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Looks like he'll be wearing those "POTUS" cuff links again soon.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:48 | 2622435 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

The teflon coated bankster, how do you get rid of such a thing?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:50 | 2622445 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

Silver bullets!

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:18 | 2622803 LookingForTruth
LookingForTruth's picture


Mon, 07/16/2012 - 23:08 | 2622952 Tunga
Tunga's picture

It's a long and Transitorily  unwinding road.  Drivers wanted.


Tue, 07/17/2012 - 00:33 | 2623172 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

Yes, Dimon might be shamed to forgo 80% of his bonus, too - like Diamond.  Poor, poor Dimon.  The day he is known as "Jimbo" to his cellies at Leavenworth will be the day chickens fly South for the Winter.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 00:36 | 2623183 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

He'll have to give up his day job, because suddenly, the emporor has no clothes....

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 00:42 | 2623193 Precious
Precious's picture

Jamie Dimon overheard talking to Ben Bernanke in the hallway.  "I think we can work out a plea bargain."

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:13 | 2623294 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Blythe is pulling out a midnight raid on silver. Since she (and her boss) are going to jail the guillotine, they might as well just bring silver to $5 per ounce....if only for a brief moment.  Time to buy with both hands.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 04:45 | 2623393 Davalicious
Davalicious's picture

You said it, Ahmeexnal. They can't afford to admit years of silver manipulation at this point. So they can't let the price go. On top of that it is a good income stream, and they will definitely get away with slamming it down hard one more time.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 00:50 | 2623057 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Here is JPM's SarbOx certification. The question is, at the time, was the information contained in this 10Q a fair representation, in all material respects, of the financial condition and results of operations of JPM?
Dimon attested that it was. This was arguably a false certification.

Section 906 of the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002 requires CEOs and CFOs to certify that their company’s periodic financial reports comply with applicable requirements and fairly present, in all material respects, the financial condition and results of operations of the company. See 18 U.S.C. § 1350(a), (b). Any person who “knowingly” provides a false certification can be fined up to $1,000,000 and/or imprisoned for not more than ten years. See 18 U.S.C. § 1350(c)(1). Any person who “willfully” provides a false certification can be fined up to $5,000,000 and/or imprisoned for not more than twenty years. See 18 U.S.C. § 1350(c)(2). In one criminal prosecution, the government stated that for a defendant’s conduct to violate this provision “[h]e must not only know that the periodic report contains materially false information, he must falsely certify . . . that the report is materially accurate, he must do so knowing that such a false certification is forbidden by law, and he must do so with the specific intent to violate the law.” United States v. Scrushy, 2004 U.S. Dist. LEXIS 23820, at *14-15 (N.D. Ala. Nov. 23, 2004). As described above, some courts may require a less stringent showing of culpability to meet the definition of “willful,” requiring only that the defendant knew his conduct was wrongful, not that he knew it was unlawful.

Exhibit 32
JPMorgan Chase & Co.


In connection with the Quarterly Report of JPMorgan Chase & Co. on Form 10-Q for the period ended March 31, 2012 as filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission on the date hereof (the “Report”), each of the undersigned officers of JPMorgan Chase & Co., certify, pursuant to 18 U.S.C. Section 1350, as adopted pursuant to Section 906 of the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002, that:
The Report fully complies with the requirements of Section 13(a) or 15(d) of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934; and
The information contained in the report fairly presents, in all material respects, the financial condition and results of operations of JPMorgan Chase & Co.

May 10, 2012
James Dimon
James Dimon
Chairman and Chief Executive Officer

May 10, 2012
Douglas L. Braunstein
Douglas L. Braunstein
Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer

This certification accompanies this Form 10-Q and shall not be deemed “filed” for purposes of Section 18 of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934, or otherwise subject to the liability of that Section.

A signed original of this written statement required by Section 906 has been provided to, and will be retained by, JPMorgan Chase & Co. and furnished to the Securities and Exchange Commission or its staff upon request.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 06:53 | 2623455 MillionDollarBoner_
MillionDollarBoner_'s picture

"Sarbanes-who? Who gives a shit!"


Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:43 | 2623315 cpzimmon
cpzimmon's picture close range. Fixed it for you. Thank me later.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 00:11 | 2623138 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

To world_debt_slave:        Garlic, a cross, and a mirror at dawn.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 06:30 | 2623429 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Stop Dimonizing the man !!! 

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:53 | 2622460 bigkahuna
bigkahuna's picture

It aint gonna happen. Corzine is still on the loose, no way they even question him.


Remember, just-us.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:17 | 2622478 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

@kahuna: Exactly. We need to apologize as a nation to our bankster heroes. What we put them through! And they do it all for one reason: to keep us safe. Makes me tearful and I'm a macho alpha-type. 

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 23:06 | 2622953 knukles
knukles's picture

Grand Idea in the Tradition of our Messiah Apologizing ti the Rest of the World for Being Everything Possible Under the Sun.

The New Humility.

"I hate myself."

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 23:19 | 2622990 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

imo dimon will resign before the election occurs.

imo that would be bullish for silver so i'm talking my book.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:42 | 2623314 Dr. Sandi
Dr. Sandi's picture

Nah, Dimons are Forever.

But I'm holding onto my silver anyway.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:48 | 2622437 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Yada, yada, yada.....  So he will have to throw a few more millions around D.C, chump change.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 00:32 | 2623170 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

If they keep throwing the only traders who make them money under the bus, what kind of balance sheet are they going to end up with?  Who is going to want to go to work for a company that treats its employees as human sacrifices to Congressional hearings?  Serves 'em right... all of 'em.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 06:24 | 2623426 reload
reload's picture

Many years ago, in what seems now like another life altogether - I worked as a market maker on the IRS desk at a TBTF Bank.

The mark to market farce worked like this:

Trader tells junior where to mark book outstandings.

Junior does so and signs p&l update forms.

Sometimes an auditor would question an entry or two: Auditor would genearly be baffled with bulshit until he went away, a favourite was along the lines of "the benchmark security was changed as the one used at trade inception is now off the run and no longer represantative"

The more senior you were, the less likely you were to have your signature anywhere near anything even questionable.

So the issue is not

If they keep throwing the only traders who make them money under the bus, what kind of balance sheet are they going to end up with?

But: given the awful internal practices and accounting standards used by Banks, how do they even know themselves who their profit making traders are? the answer would seem to be, they dao not. And they certainly make a lot less trading than they have come to believe. 

Wed, 07/18/2012 - 16:48 | 2629826 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

Very good.  Thanks for the insider view.   My trust has just taken yet another down-tick.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:36 | 2622648 Smartie37
Smartie37's picture

For the thinking of the FED sharks on this, U2 said it well: 

"I'm no dope I'll give you rope, here's the rope, here's the rope..........

...................SWING AWAY............................


Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:45 | 2622685 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

The "White Hats" will be pulling in to town real soon.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:45 | 2623316 Dr. Sandi
Dr. Sandi's picture

Problem is, they'll be riding in from the East. And I don't mean Long Island.

They'll clean up the town and then they'll take it over.

Hope I'm wrong, bet I'm right.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:54 | 2622464 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Arrest Bernanke too.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:35 | 2622382 Neezer
Neezer's picture

Actually, the LIBOR scandal and the CDS P/L manipulation guarantee that no regulator will investigate the silver market. Three mega frauds within a month at a single bank might reveal to the public that the regulators are utterly incompetent (or still watching porn) and that all of the financial reform window dressing / Dodd Frank grandstanding since 2008 has been a political farce.

Besides, JPMorganWamuBear is TBTF.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:39 | 2622399 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

If we regulators consacred the half hour between wiping their d!cks off and going for the daily after lunch walk on probing on any one of the above mentioned fraud cases, no major financial institution would be still standing today.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:41 | 2622671 Stock Tips Inve...
Stock Tips Investment's picture

These issues are generating a lot of mistrust in the general public and investors. All this must be investigated and punished if they determine responsibilities. However, I believe that we should not contribute to worsen this situation. We will need the capital market to exit this crisis.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:53 | 2623326 imbrbing
imbrbing's picture

All we are going to be left with when this is over is the barter market. The capitol market? How is that working out for us so far. Regulated it might work well, but when will it ever in the history of mankind

with his greediness ever reach that pinaccle of being regulated "correctly" so as to work.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 03:40 | 2623362 Offthebeach
Offthebeach's picture

TBTA. Too big to arrest.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:36 | 2622388 Western
Western's picture

Commercials are now net long gold in last week's COT, silver... not yet?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:26 | 2622607 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Told ya Jaime. Meet Kharma, she is pissed, you are done.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:06 | 2622758 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

Probably held up due to the Corzine investigation. Or maybe the BP spill investigation. Or maybe (fill in the financial crime) investigation.


What do you expect investigators to do with so much porn on the web to watch?

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:46 | 2623319 Dr. Sandi
Dr. Sandi's picture

I don't know. Is there such a thing as Chapstick for the Dick?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:13 | 2622316 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Hey, maybe the wars are a fraud too?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:12 | 2622773 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

and ObamneyCare, and "No Child Left behind" and the Dream Act, Dodd Frank, Social Security, Homeland Security, TSA etc etc etc etc.................It's like the Russian taxi driver said "Amerika is a boollshit country"

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:14 | 2622318 zero19451945
zero19451945's picture

The entire financial system is composed of unadulterated fraud. 


Every single aspect of it is riddled with lies, manipulations, and criminal activity. 

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:27 | 2622362 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

Send in the drones................

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:35 | 2622378 zero19451945
zero19451945's picture

At this point I ask: Is there anything that isn't fraud in the financial system?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:38 | 2622861 jez
jez's picture

There are some honest sandwich delivery guys on Wall Street, I believe.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 06:56 | 2623456 MillionDollarBoner_
MillionDollarBoner_'s picture

that would depend on how you define "fraud"

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:37 | 2622656 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

these are not the drones you're looking for,...

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:49 | 2622704 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

They have, they've been working there now a long time... OH! you mean those weaponized ones that are unconstitutional...

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:41 | 2622408 stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

Just throw a few small fry traders under the bus. How much of this CDS crap floating around...something like $700 TRILLION? That's a lot of claw backs. They know this house of cards has to remain propped up by any means.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:54 | 2622449 Neezer
Neezer's picture

In what other industry can you get a large cash bonus for simply reporting fake profits or just baffling with bullshit?


Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:37 | 2622654 Bollixed
Bollixed's picture

The auto industry, apparently...

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:05 | 2622502 ghenny
ghenny's picture

So why do you all on this site hate Occupy Wall Street so much?  Why not join them and grow the revolution.  You might want to ask the Bin Laden family to stop funding Bush and the Taliban and start getting them to fund civil law suits.  Lets get the Taliban to get their drug cartels to turn on the Banksters.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:14 | 2622541 tmosley
tmosley's picture

Occupy is right for the wrong reasons, and as such is extremely dangerous.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:20 | 2622575 donsluck
donsluck's picture

Only the RESPONSE to Occupy is dangerous.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:48 | 2622691 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

Their B.O is dangerous

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:48 | 2623323 Dr. Sandi
Dr. Sandi's picture

I don't believe B.O. likes them either. They've been asking him a lot of embarrassing questions.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:16 | 2622791 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

I've never seen an amerikan protest group strangled so effectively in its cradle...thanks Wall Street owned MSM and State "security forces"

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:29 | 2622826 tmosley
tmosley's picture

For now.  What happens when the pols give in to their demands, or worse, they are given direct power (in some imaginary world)?  They make things worse by applying "solutions" that don't address the actual problems.  We get bankers in chains, and the chains are held by the central bankers (just like today, but now moreso).  We get higher taxes that lower total revenues.  We get a trade war with our supplier of consumer goods, and more regulations on our own manufacturers.

Learning the wrong lesson can often be worse than learning nothing at all.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:22 | 2622585 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

Wrong - who says we hate them. I cheer them on.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:14 | 2623296 4horse
4horse's picture

Lets get the Banksters to get their drug cartels to turn on the Taliban.

mission accomplished



Tue, 07/17/2012 - 05:53 | 2623415 Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

So why do you all on this site hate Occupy Wall Street so much?

Occupy started out great as a grassroots John Galt-type movement

Then it was hijacked by Sorosian communists

The whole 1%/99% mantra is designed to instigate a class war necessary for communist reforms

The group no longer talks about the Fed being the source of corruption & manipulation.  

That is why we hate it

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 08:57 | 2623769 marathonman
marathonman's picture

The OWS crowd knows they've been screwed somehow and a few are aware of the issues with fractional reserve banking and financial repression, but a lot of them are just Marxist retreads that still worship at the altar of the state.  There's a huge cognitive dissonance in that movement and it was easily led astray.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:57 | 2622729 ghenny
ghenny's picture

Amen.  Now what do we do about it.  Stop whining and take action.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 23:14 | 2622978 El Tuco
El Tuco's picture

Yes, even that fucker Soros said " all of financial history is one lie and deceit after another". Not even afraid to admit it openly. No one in government has the balls to go after them. It would mean the end of all those whores, coke, limo rides, fine dining and free money in Washington. They know what side their bread is buttered on....

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 03:48 | 2623368 Red Pill
Red Pill's picture

Agree totally. But what about our politicians then? If we, the people, are aware of all this, our politicians with their Wall Street associations MUST be even more aware.

So they are either guilty and complicit as hell, or totally incompetent. Either way... it's all looking pretty bad isn't it?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:19 | 2622329 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

If Congress is not already the dumbest bunch of people alive, how do they look now after their questioning of Dimon turned into them begging Dimon to tell them what he would recommend they do to fix the industry?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:13 | 2622533 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

Uh, try bought, paid for and scripted in advance?

They're not that stupid - cunning is the right word, and if you think otherwise you are naive.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:39 | 2622663 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

these are not the cunning linguist you're looking for

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:03 | 2622752 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

nor the Master Debaters it would appear either.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:29 | 2622830 White.Star.Line
White.Star.Line's picture


Finally some reason on this thread.

If there is an "criminal investigation" and Reuters reports it, it is definitely bought, paid for, and scripted.


Let's see, could it be to assist with maintaining the illusion that fractional reserve banking is an honest business that requires oversight?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:30 | 2622831 White.Star.Line
White.Star.Line's picture


Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:26 | 2622611 Mactheknife
Mactheknife's picture

Seriously? Is that what you think happened there?  That was just code for "Please tell us how to fix this mess for you Mr. Dimon so we can be sure to collect on the millions from your three thousand strong loby. We sure don't want to do anything to screw that up."

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:22 | 2622335 XtraBullish
XtraBullish's picture

Atlas Shrugged is what we are living through here in 2012. Written in 1957, it described the U.S. in 2016.

Amazing. Simply amazing.

Who is Ron Paul?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:54 | 2622425 AssFire
AssFire's picture

Yes, I recently heard Dear Leader Obama say:

"All your john galt are belong to us"
Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:00 | 2622484 ghenny
ghenny's picture

John Galt

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:41 | 2622672 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

i think we can call it a script by now

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 01:51 | 2623275 Clashfan
Clashfan's picture

Xtra, maybe that is because it is a Luciferian blueprint, dictated by Rothschild himself, for exactly what is happening, which is conpsiracy to create world government.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 10:59 | 2624242 Broomer
Broomer's picture

"Who is Ron Paul?"

A politician. I don't care what he promises, if he tried to do what he's promising he would be sleeping with the fishes faster than you can say "Hi."

Politics is a rigged game. It is not a solution.

The only thing you would get by putting Mr. Paul in, say, the White House, would be the disgust of seeing him solding you down the river, or if that didn't happen, I'm sure a Kennedy could be pulled.

The only thing you can try to do against the state is to try to hedge against its collapse.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:23 | 2622342 vmromk
vmromk's picture

Hey Jamie Dimon......GAMMISIS SOU !!!


Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:23 | 2622344 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

Looks like the rat-finks Dimon and GHeithner, at long last, are going to the big house for some back-door swaps.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:28 | 2622825 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Don't bet on it or count on it. There always seems to be a way.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:23 | 2622346 Row Well Number 41
Row Well Number 41's picture

Please Oh Please Oh Please...  That first hit is always the best.

Talk like this is like a giant crack pipe of Hopium.  Remember these people have gotten away with so much already, it is hard to believe their tools will do more then throw some low level red shirt to the crowd.



Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:57 | 2622472 AllWorkedUp
AllWorkedUp's picture

Seriously. The Jew banker will find a Jew lawyer to find a Jew judge to let him off the hook. If that doesn't work they'll throw more money at the bought and paid for Senate banking committee.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:24 | 2622802 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

hey man, Biederman's a were Larry Moe Curly and Dylan...

Corzine? No jew.

Bush? Paulsen? Romney? Obamma? Geethner? Blythe? Holder? Mozillo? Lewis?

jew free.

Keep some perspective.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:50 | 2623324 indygo55
indygo55's picture

Um,,, I think they just join up.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:35 | 2622380 yogibear
yogibear's picture

The smart banksters are cooking the books and transferring reserves to off-shore accounts. Hollow out the banks and investment accounts and then dump the losses on the government and the taxpayers.

Remember Too Big To Fail is still in play. It's good for another bailout by Obama, Bernanke and Turbo Timmy. Fraud and finanical criminal behavior is the game to play these days. 

Nobody big goes to jail.  Dimon is just going to read the script in the TBTF dog and pony show presented to the masses.

Dimon will follow Angelo Mozilo and thousands of others laughing all the way to their vast wealth!


Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:15 | 2622787 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

In the case of Bob Diamond..yes. In the case of Jamie friggin way. He's put his whole Presidency in the hands of defending the current Presidency...hard to tell if this is the whole thing blowing up. Certainly President Obama did more than just "bend an ear." Given the absolute lack of prosecutions he clearly bent over backwards for the industry. "And now this." Made to order for Mitt Romney...hellllo! Mitt Romney! Anyone home? No? "No Mayor of New York City ever went beyond that job"...and none ever will i might add. Besides they feel more at home when you hate them. Anywho the days of "winging in on the Lear Jet and telling Congress how things are gonna get done around here" are clearing behind us now.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 01:53 | 2623276 Clashfan
Clashfan's picture

Yogi, I wish I had more than one up arrow for that one.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:36 | 2622384 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

It will be as it always is: Nothing will happen.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:24 | 2622591 donsluck
donsluck's picture


Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:41 | 2622405 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

Look, in the name of recovery and job growth, the government will forgive all fraud from these large banks. Free Madoff!!!

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 01:54 | 2623278 Clashfan
Clashfan's picture

"Free Madoff!" That's freakin' hilarious. Ought to be a bumper sticker. I'm stealing it.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:41 | 2622407 Lady Heather...UNCLE
Lady Heather...UNCLE's picture

all a storm in a teacup...nothing to see hear folks please move along>

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:41 | 2622412 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

Bullish for bullshit and lawyers...Hand in glove.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:44 | 2622423 cherry picker
cherry picker's picture

I don't desire to stoop to the levels that so many of these CEOs all the way to the POTUS in their behavior and total disregarrd for the average citizen in America and countless other countries.

No, I don't want to see them murdered, hung, or thrown in jail.....

Throw them without ID and credit cards, strip them of all their assets, in Detroit or New Orleans, two cities which have been listed as in the top ten of the most dangerous cities in the world and let them see for themselves how the bottom 5% live.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:24 | 2622600 donsluck
donsluck's picture

Scary stuff indeed!

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:49 | 2622443 Undecided
Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:50 | 2622452 PeeramidIdeologies
PeeramidIdeologies's picture

It is sort of funny watching them begin to turn on themselves, in a surreal type of way. Looks like they are going to have a hard time playing nice from here on out. That little snowball on the horizon is beginning to grow...

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:58 | 2622479 Snakeeyes
Snakeeyes's picture

From what time to what time?


Mon, 07/16/2012 - 20:59 | 2622482 Cabreado
Cabreado's picture

"Most importantly, it opened up the firm to a criminal investigation. Which as Reuters reports, is precisely what has now happened."

From the article:

"A federal prosecutor assigned to the investigation...

A U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission attorney overseeing the matter..."

C'mon, TD...
Yer kidding, I know you are.
There is no "criminal investigation."

It is an important fact that we're stuck on the "B" side... and there are more important truths.
The "A" side is a defunct Congress.
We need to stop analyzing the symptoms.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:23 | 2622590 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

THESE fucks won't prosecute THOSE fucks, but at least the TD's are providing a pretty comprehensive list of THESE and THOSE for game time.





Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:48 | 2622694 Cabreado
Cabreado's picture

No argument there, Gooch,
but your concept of compiling a list for game time,
while neglecting the most important issue,
is not only akin to admitting defeat but
gives a pass to the largest and most powerful set of
the world has ever known.

Once this little arrangement is gone,
it is not coming back.

There is nothing wrong with the arrangement.

So you might want to think there is something wrong
with those charged to interpret it, on your behalf.


Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:04 | 2622497 Divine Wind
Divine Wind's picture



Nothing of note will happen to him.

Jamie will be sent to grass in some tropical paradise.

Far too many elected officials have reached office with the help of his contributions.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:05 | 2622498 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

Dimon going to be first ever to get a 1 billion severance.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:05 | 2622499 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Let's have an experiment, let's have Jamie Demon put in the top floor of JPM headquarters and have a 747 smash headfirst into the middle of the building and see if he gets out ok. This will be completely kept secret of the US gov't.

Ten bucks says him, and 90% of the fucking criminals he works with get out alive.


Fuck 'em all 2012. Get the rope.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:06 | 2622503 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

So JPM will pay a fine (licensing fee) admit no wrongdoing and drive on to the next crisis.

It is amusing that less than 3 months ago Blythe was suggesting that JPM really was just doing it for the good of humankind:


And after CIO we all believe this crap right?


One hopes they choke on their lies in the future. One believe they won't. The system is 1000% leveraged long to their and all the TBTF lies. Should have changed after 2008 - didn't. Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:06 | 2622504 Meesohaawnee
Meesohaawnee's picture

teapot in a tempest.. or was that..

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:07 | 2622505 q99x2
q99x2's picture

What about Blankfein and GS? Can't they get them while they are at it. Where's Bill Blank. Someone call in Black. This is getting interesting.

Wait. What if this is the planned collapse and takeover by the NWO as preached by Alex Jones.

I'm not ready yet.

Ok go ahead.

I'm ready now.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:07 | 2622510 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

it will take any regulator, enforcer, or criminal investigator precisely 1 minute to find out if there was fraud, or gambling, going on here.

Ah, if only there were a regulator, enforcer or criminal investigator to be found anywhere in North America, Europe, Asia or Australia.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:35 | 2622851 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Mark this comment up [infinity].

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:53 | 2623327 Dr. Sandi
Dr. Sandi's picture

I just found a criminal investigator willing to take this on.


Oh shit, he apparently just strangled himself.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 06:42 | 2623436 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

The body of Christopher Dymond, 52, was discovered in a secluded car park in Herongate, Essex, after his family had reported him missing.

A post-mortem revealed Mr Dymond died from self-inflicted stab wounds to his chest and cuts to his arms.

His grieving father, Denis Dymond, told an inquest: "Our over-arching point of view is that Chris's death came about because of intense anxiety which was work-related.

"He was let down in the duty of care by his employers."

The father-of-three had been reported missing by his concerned family at around 10.30pm on April 21 this year after they were unable to contact him.

Police launched a full-scale search and discovered the body early the following morning four miles from the family home in a car park at Herongate Athletic Football Club.

A note was found addressed to his wife, Sharon, with whom he lived at the family's home in Shenfield, Essex.

Coroner Mrs Caroline Beasley-Murray said there were no suspicious circumstances and recorded a verdict of suicide at an inquest held in Chelmsford, Essex.

She said: "It is patently clear from what Mr Dymond expressed in the note that he was suffering extreme anxiety about work-related matters."

Mr Dymond is believed to have been heavily involved in the transfer of responsibility and power for bank regulation from the Financial Services Authority to the Bank of England in the weeks leading up to his death in his role managing IT services.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:08 | 2622511 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

Thank the gods we have Zero Hedge - now if the Tylers only had a morning show on MSNBC.

To wake everyone the fuck up, that's why.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:08 | 2622514 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

zh hit every single cylinder in this article - i have no criticism except for this:

" will take any regulator, enforcer, or criminal investigator precisely 1 minute to find out if there was fraud, or gambling, going on here. ..."

bbbwwwwaaahahahhahahahhahahahhhhhhaaaaaahhahhahahahhahah! regulators downloading porn don't have time to catch anything except a nice piece of snatch....

and zh hit the bullseye in questioning that cock and bull story about dimon's feigned ignorance.....his "ignorance" is arrogant lying.....his sycophantic minions inform of everything thing of substance especially when covering their butts for illegalities.....

dimon would do well to resign now rather than face the continuing meltdown of irswaps in the towering inferno of perpetual debt.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:37 | 2622859 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

"regulators downloading porn don't have time to catch anything except a nice piece of snatch"

Tranny porn may not be nice, and it may not be snatch. Just sayin'...

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:54 | 2623329 Dr. Sandi
Dr. Sandi's picture

Careful where you point that snatch, it might be loaded!

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:08 | 2622516 Catullus
Catullus's picture

I'd like to see someone at the federal level back in to the trades and actually determine what the marks should have been instead of plucking a "smoking gun" email and suggesting it was evidence. But they're federal prosecutors, they don't actually know shit about this stuff. If you're a JPM trader involved in this write this letter: "dear C student at bullshit state school, suck it. Love, your mother"

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:09 | 2622517 Hype Alert
Hype Alert's picture

Here's the problem: nobody will be stupid enough to believe for one second that the marks on hundreds of billions in securities passed from the front office straight to JPM's 10-Q without vetting by middle office, back office, Treasury office, and even in some cases, counterparties. In other words, if JPM is indeed stupid enough to attempt to pull a "Fabrice Tourre" on CIO, it won't work.


Sarbanes-Oxley, what was the point?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:12 | 2622530 world_debt_slave
Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:20 | 2622543 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

I am getting the sense that Jamie may indeed be forced to resign.  TPTB need a scapegoat, and he's perfect.

It's not like he doesn't richly deserve his fate.

Paterno.  Same thing - no difference -   the arrogance pf power.  Hubris our friends the Greeks called it.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:15 | 2622545 monopoly
monopoly's picture

Maybe, just maybe. We can hope.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:27 | 2622822 merizobeach
merizobeach's picture

This new batch of hopium gets us hella high, bro!

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:16 | 2622550 IMA5U
IMA5U's picture

The world is mismarked


Just ask private equity

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:18 | 2622557 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Could christmas come early. No way, regulatory capture, Atlas continues to shrug. Got physical?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:38 | 2622862 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I am so fucking sad to agree.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 02:55 | 2623330 Dr. Sandi
Dr. Sandi's picture

At this point, I think Atlas needs a truss.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:34 | 2622558 alfred b.
alfred b.'s picture


    Lest we forget that most of Dimon's fraudulent dealings and manipulations are prescribed and at the discretion of the US Treasury... but still...

   I'm sure that Jamie would look quite the buffoon in a tailored orange suit!

  Buy physical gold and silver.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:39 | 2622865 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

He looks like a buffoon now.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:20 | 2622568 chunga
chunga's picture

In an unrelated JPMorgue Scandal...

JPMorgan Attempts Takeover of FDIC

Don't ask, don't tell, throw Jamie Dimon down the well.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:42 | 2622876 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Don't fuck with folks that deal in concrete. He's not heavy, he's wearing our shoes.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:22 | 2622581 RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

Worst nightmare ever for metal heads and gold bugs.


If they take away the ability to "manipulate" the CDO, LIBOR, Treasury, or whatever other paper markets there are....

Then that means the crooks at JPM will be further emboldened to manipulate the gold and silver markets in an even more flagrant, "in your face" manner.

Because nobody, I mean nobody is going to do anything about investigating the manipulating the PM markets.

Any wonder why investors are piling into Treasuries and "Fed-Approved" equities like Simon Property Group?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:52 | 2622712 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

Not even trying Robo? Your getting too many positive votes!

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:44 | 2622879 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Robo has admitted gold is manipulated. This is progress.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:24 | 2622593 yogibear
yogibear's picture

It's getting close to the election. The SEC investigator will be investigating the hookers Dimon sent over. A big jump for the SEC investigator, going from spending all day viewing porn to actually having the real thing.

All players in this show know their parts. Corzine, Dimon and the rest of criminal financial cartel all know they may have to participate in an occasional dog and pony show.  An occasional two-bit fall -guy goes to jail.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:24 | 2622599 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

A Jewish cesspool! ..... or should I say, ANOTHER Jewish Cesspool?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:27 | 2622613 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Your comment might be a tad less ignorant if Jamie Dimon was actually Jewish. He is not.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:52 | 2622713 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

He's jewish at heart........

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 22:45 | 2622887 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Hee Haww, Hee Haaawww.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 23:16 | 2622981 realtick
realtick's picture

Dimon is an Anglicized version of Diamond which is a very common Jewish name.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 00:02 | 2623121 Venerability
Venerability's picture

Name was originally Diamondes or something close. He's Greek.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 00:36 | 2623184 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture


Tue, 07/17/2012 - 04:47 | 2623392 realtick
realtick's picture

Diamondes is Greek for Diamond which is a very common Jewish name. There are Greek Jews you idiot.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 04:17 | 2623382 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture


"Your comment might be a tad less ignorant if Jamie Dimon was actually Jewish. He is not."


Maybe he's not, but it's (International) Jews (banksters) signing Dimon's paychecks. Bet me?


Besides you gonna tell me there were no Jews in Greece throughout history? Personally I think Dimon is of Greek Jewish heritage, but he's not the 'right' kind of other words he's not an Ashkenazi.

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 07:04 | 2623466 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture


To the junker...I suppose you'd have me believe the Bank of England is under Anglo-Saxon(WASP) control?


... I am daily reminded of the special relationship the Federal Reserve has had over the decades with decisionmakers from the British government. Literally twenty feet from my desk are plaques commemorating the numerous World War II meetings in our Board Room between the combined military chiefs of the United States and Great Britain that in the words on one plaque, „... set the pattern for allied collaboration and the successful prosecution of World War II.“

But the Federal Reserve‘s association with Britain‘s monetary authorities goes back even further. The tie between the Bank of England and the Federal Reserve was cemented during the 1920s in that extraordinary relationship between Benjamin Strong, the President of the New York Federal Reserve Bank, and Montague Norman, the Governor of the Bank of England. Their correspondence yields quite fascinating insight into the way they interpreted events that are now important history. The ties developed then between the Federal Reserve and British monetary authorities endure to this day. ~ Alan Greenspan Sept. 25, 2002


The Bank of England and the Federal Reserve System

American Exceptionalism – Serious Distortions of the New Economic Era

Montagu Norman and Benjamin Strong in the 20s

Tue, 07/17/2012 - 06:57 | 2623458 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

is lizzy36 jewish?? if so lizzy should state such.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:34 | 2622641 ekm
ekm's picture

Me thinks Dimon is refusing to resign and they're doing to him what ECB did to Berlusconi in Italy.

No resign, we don't buy bonds, Silvio!


Does it ring a bell?

No resign, we start criminal inquiry Jamie!

Pure art.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:36 | 2622651 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

Criminal inquiry. M'kay...

Oh, and remind me again, where is Jon Corzine tonight?

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 21:57 | 2622658 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

the big family "Land Whales",... and i'm not talking about some pos multi-billionaires -- i'm talking hundreds of billions too trillionaire's, have had enough of the bs, period!

they're going to reinstate glass-steagall and chop some heads off, literally and figuratively [remember kenny boy lay and his right hand committing suicide]. 

diamond and dimon made hogs of themselves divvying up Lehman and others, but still weren't satisfied. they got free bailouts,... and bonus buy-outs via wamu, bear sterns, and ml for penny's on the dollar (free... literally paid implicitly by the frb via sheeple) . citi was bailed, as was gs. why? how did aig do when they underwrote all the derivative ie., cds, cdo, cmo, abs, mbs, cmbs, and a cadre of mezzanine alt-A and tier3 illiquid contracts.

the only half decent character in the bunch is wf [wachovia], and their business is drug laundering money with half-ass citi south of the border. but that's ok, because the government condones it to pay for the wars and mic.

look for geithner and the bernak to do something drastic,... a red-herring to the rescue or bombs away ME


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