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Define Irony: "The J.P.Morgan Guide To Credit Derivatives" By Blythe Masters

Tyler Durden's picture




 

As readers enjoy JPM squirm his way through the JPM conference call (webcast live) explaining how it is that he not only was fooled by the CIO traders to the tune of billions, but more importantly to mismark hundreds of billions in CDS over the years, here is some delightful irony: "The J.P.Morgan Guide To Credit Derivatives" By Blythe Masters. Because it is truly ironic that the firm which created CDS will be the one responsible for destroying them.

 

 

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Fri, 07/13/2012 - 07:39 | 2612219 rigeltrader
rigeltrader's picture

Friday 13th CDS vodoo

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 09:10 | 2612463 JackT
JackT's picture

Freaky Deaky

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 07:40 | 2612220 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

<insert seeds of destruction K.Marx quote here>

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:20 | 2612298 Bob
Bob's picture

Financialization: You can't live with it, you can't live . . . actually, we just can't live with it.  WTF?

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:30 | 2612319 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

There is an infinite supply of other people's money so you can rehypothecate real assets n times where n = infinity.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:37 | 2612338 Bob
Bob's picture

The invisible hand seems to have become a nymphomaniacal masturbatory machine.   

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 07:40 | 2612222 resurger
resurger's picture

The Reversal of Fortune

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 07:41 | 2612223 localpacific
localpacific's picture

freaky enuff for friday the 13th... we can count on the ppt to bail us out ... Money Tree: Amazing Trades Using the PPT Methodology

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 07:42 | 2612224 Keith Piccirillo
Keith Piccirillo's picture

Might makes right.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 07:49 | 2612233 DormRoom
DormRoom's picture

“In life, the visible surface of the Sperm Whale is not the least among the many marvels he presents. Almost invariably it is all over obliquely crossed and re-crossed with numberless straight marks in thick array, something like those in the finest Italian line engravings. But these marks do not seem to be impressed upon the isinglass substance above mentioned, but seem to be seen through it, as if they were engraved upon the body itself. Nor is this all. In some instances, to the quick, observant eye, those linear marks, as in a veritable engraving, but afford the ground for far other delineations. These are hieroglyphical; that is, if you call those mysterious cyphers on the walls of pyramids hieroglyphics, then that is the proper word to use in the present connexion. By my retentive memory of the hieroglyphics upon one Sperm Whale in particular, I was much struck with a plate representing the old Indian characters chiselled on the famous hieroglyphic palisades on the banks of the Upper Mississippi. Like those mystic rocks, too, the mystic-marked whale remains undecipherable.”
-Moby Dick, Herman Melville.  

 

CDS is the white Whale. Its allure, and enigma births madness.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 07:52 | 2612243 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

Sperm Whale came in Blythe's mouth.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:01 | 2612261 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Blythe will make a good porn star when she loses her job at JPM. 

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:23 | 2612294 Al Gorerhythm
Al Gorerhythm's picture

Nah, too well trained and she'd be boring. She would probably be type-cast in some anal genre porno (with ironicly reciprocated ass raping scenes) where she'd just lie back and think of England.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 10:41 | 2612857 falak pema
falak pema's picture

you mean stiff upper lip and dead lower hip? 

No salsa in that and no sparkling spice, the essence of life, to shake a flute of white into ebullient bubbly strife.

And I don't mean clockwork orange text to recite her delight! 

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 14:12 | 2613716 Ted K
Ted K's picture

She must have a hell of a body, or you're imagining niche porn where she has a bag over her head.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:04 | 2612266 Biosci
Biosci's picture

Wow, my browser must be really fucked up.  I'm seeing pale orange text on a white page.  Surely no one in their right mind would print a professional document with such a low-contrast font.  Right?

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:20 | 2612299 Sofa King Confused
Sofa King Confused's picture

Is it just me or does anybody else want to fuck Blythe in her ass

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:42 | 2612360 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

So, Blythe Masters entire career is a total fraud.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 09:09 | 2612461 JackT
JackT's picture

Damnit - orange text on white sucks.  Maybe they should stop hiring hucksters and hire a couple of visual designers!

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:21 | 2613217 Tsunami Wave
Tsunami Wave's picture

Blythe Masters (New York)

Tel: +1 (212) 648 1432

E-mail: masters_blythe@jpmorgan.com

 

Interesting.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 14:15 | 2613729 Ted K
Ted K's picture

For a dull time, for a dull time caaa--aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall!!!

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