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Did God Hack Goldman Sachs?

Tyler Durden's picture


It is oddly appropriate that when a reader opens the client portal of Goldman Sachs, also known as the bank that does God's work, in order to pull Jan Hatzius' take on today's economic data assortment, one would encounter the following amusingly intentional easter egg...

As a reminder Psalm 138:

1 A Psalm of David. I give thee thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart; before the gods I sing thy praise; 2 I bow down toward thy holy temple and give thanks to thy name for thy steadfast love and thy faithfulness; for thou hast exalted above everything thy name and thy word. 3 On the day I called, thou didst answer me, my strength of soul thou didst increase. 4 All the kings of the earth shall praise thee, O LORD, for they have heard the words of thy mouth; 5 and they shall sing of the ways of the LORD, for great is the glory of the LORD. 6 For though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly; but the haughty he knows from afar. 7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou dost preserve my life; thou dost stretch out thy hand against the wrath of my enemies, and thy right hand delivers me. 8 The LORD will fulfil his purpose for me; thy steadfast love, O LORD, endures for ever. Do not forsake the work of thy hands.

All joking aside, it appears out friends at 200 West have a bit of a mole infestation on their hands...


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Tue, 01/31/2012 - 19:38 | 2114738 barliman
barliman's picture


Let's see .... Mark 15:18

15 And they come to Jerusalem: and Jesus went into the temple, and began to cast out them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves; 16And would not suffer that any man should carry any vessel through the temple. 17And he taught, saying unto them, Is it not written, My house shall be called of all nations the house of prayer? but ye have made it a den of thieves. 18And the scribes and chief priests heard it, and sought how they might destroy him: for they feared him, because all the people was astonished at his doctrine.

No vampire squid references but this is close enough


Tue, 01/31/2012 - 19:44 | 2114759 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

Looking at the man, the Lloyd felt genuine love for him. "There is still one thing you haven't done," he told him. "Go and sell all your stocks and give the money to our traders, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."


err...Mark 10:21 or thereabouts.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 19:53 | 2114777 zeroman
zeroman's picture

WoW. I have been an avid reader of zero hedge for a long time. Yet, I have finally come to the conclusion, that the ponzi scheme will continue for as long as the elite stay in power and that will be for a very long time. We are not going to have revolution any time soon. Here is the facts.  small business to medium size business are doing much better. I don't care about goldman and all the bankters. there have been banksters and gangsters since the dawn of man and there always will be.  So, it would be nice to hear and see articles that point out the positive things that are going on other than the pump from the media about google or facebook or the total paranoia that exists on this site by many readers, writers and followers. You see, the minute we set aside our objectivity to all the details and facts, we can immediately portray anything according to your perception of reality.  It is a total waste to be so consumed with the evil in the world. We have to have hope.  If you don't have hope, you truly live a miserable life.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:03 | 2114809 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

There is something called counter balance. If the good news is a lie (BLS numbers, etc) I want someone to tell me how and why. MSM is about three years behind the ball. If you want to go sleeper, curl up into remission, take the blue pill and go eat some steak, well, bye for now. 

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 22:18 | 2115221 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

Here is some hope for ya zero man,

Moral men pitted against the immoral have this advantage, primary allegiance to loyalty and honor.  Predators and parasites have low latency loyalty if any.  Moral men draw from a deep well of everlasting water while immoral sup dew and tears.  No way can they maintain a cohesive esprit de corps only on plunderous gain; men that subscribe to such venality have none of the other qualifying virtues with which to maintain their power.  Like the USA, betrayed from within by self-servers instead of men of majesty, (the bankers) will be brought down by the decrepitude of avarice. 

Money is an instrument which conveys man's goodwill service to fellow man in furnishing him the essentials of survival and luxuries of hard won age in grade.  Losing sight of that, men seek profit in algorithms, sneakery, subtle diminishment of the institutions and exchanges. 

They never prosper long.  It is like an error in genetic code which destroys the creature with cancer.  Men who trade without the final object (increase of joy for their fellow) are in the wrong path, and sabotage their own futures. Here and in eternity.


Tue, 01/31/2012 - 23:48 | 2115455 Stax Edwards
Stax Edwards's picture


There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." Now... I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 06:30 | 2115769 resurger
resurger's picture

Fuck man! That's Deep, i will teach that to my daughter ..


Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:06 | 2114781 blu
blu's picture

Man it's getting preachy in here.

Hear me oh meat bags! The Lord has as much use for all your money game as He has use for man-boobs. Meaning none use at all. And if He thinks someone is doing His work on earth or isn't for that matter, He'll let you know straight up, no puzzles and such. You either get the ladder to Heaven or you get -- well I guess you get me. And I like my work, bitches. Note that either way you die. Yeah you die. You get the Lord's favor or disfavor either way and you fucking die. That's where the rewards are, see? You want rewards, we got 'em, but you gotta up and die first.

That's the part I like. You die, I happy. Simples.

So word up homies -- The All-Mighty is watching you all. When He is tired of these annoying re-runs of your supposed justice He'll kick my fine ass down here and I'll be taking names, you hear that? Little blue Fortan and her fireworks, setting things straight and handing out rewards oh-Hell-yeah like Lucifer had balls of steel rewards.

Forget that prick. I know Luke and he's a pussy. I break into Hell and kick his ass once a week regularly just because I can.

Love, the Archangel Fortran.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 19:56 | 2114788 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

Nope no mistake or anything.  They probably really did intend for it.  Maybe as a blessing, charm, or something to that effect.

Flyin on a wing n a prayer.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:00 | 2114802 de Cosmos
de Cosmos's picture


Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead [men's] bones, and of all uncleanness.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:01 | 2114804 mendolover
mendolover's picture

God forbid the day is coming when being locked up for two years without a trial will be an everyday thing.  God forbid.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:26 | 2114867 JohnG
JohnG's picture






Tue, 01/31/2012 - 21:29 | 2115067 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture

FEMA,      Find.Every.Available.Mexican

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:02 | 2114807 LookingWithAmazement
LookingWithAmazement's picture




Finally, Armageddon.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:05 | 2114812 MaggieL
MaggieL's picture

I bet "psalm 138" is somebody's password

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:12 | 2114832 blu
blu's picture

Then it would have to be Jan Hatzius' password, probably entered into a CMS form while he thought he was keying into another window on his terminal.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:05 | 2114813 HUGE_Gamma
HUGE_Gamma's picture


Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:12 | 2114831 New American Re...
New American Revolution's picture


  I wish you would finally understand when Lloyd is talking about doing "god's" work, he is not referring to the God of the Judeo/Christian world, but to the Prince of the World.   This is why you shouldn't capitalize "god", when it is in referrence to Goldman, unless of course, you are Goddamning Goldman all to Hell!   Then you can capitalize, but then you are making a plea to "God", in our traditional Judeo/Christian sense.   Do you get the message?

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:17 | 2114841 blu
blu's picture

No actually Lloyd really does think he is doing G*d's work. G*d the All-Mighty, eternal and whatnot, the ineffable One. That's just how fucked-up he is. Lloyd I mean, not G*d. G*d is not at all fucked-up.

Though now I think on it -- no no it's fine. Really.

I mean, what can you really say to G*d? Man-up dude just doesn't carry the right gravitas.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:21 | 2114851 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Their Lord is Lucifer and it appears they are getting nervous.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:50 | 2114940 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

They have to get nervous when they call the Big Boss and just get holding music.

Especially with this particular boss. 

I mean -- you could be holding -- you know -- forever.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:22 | 2114854 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture





John 11:35 - Jesus wept

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:26 | 2114864 Superslam
Superslam's picture

It seems god wanted to do Goldman's work for a change. 

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:43 | 2114870 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

The "first shall be last, and the last shall be first", folks.....

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:33 | 2114892 soopy
soopy's picture

Ezekiel 25:17 FTW

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 23:21 | 2115393 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture


Tue, 01/31/2012 - 20:34 | 2114893 Hoppian
Hoppian's picture

Everyone comes naked from their mother’s womb, 
and as everyone comes, so they depart. 
They take nothing from their toil 
that they can carry in their hands.

This too is a grievous evil:

As everyone comes, so they depart, 
and what do they gain, 
since they toil for the wind? 
All their days they eat in darkness, 
with great frustration, affliction and anger.

Ecclesiastes 5: 15-17

This is the word of the Lord.


Tue, 01/31/2012 - 21:00 | 2114930 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

I think that when God hacks Goldman Sachs, it will be twelve orders of magnitude more violent than this.

For, behold, the days are coming in which they shall say "Blessed are the ninety-nine percent, and they who never wrote a derivative contract!"  Then they shall say to the mountains "Fall on us!"  And the mountains shall say "Don't mind if I do."


Wed, 02/01/2012 - 08:18 | 2115821 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

"We need ya, Theos. This is a bad one, the worst yet. We need the Old Testament wrath, we need your magic."

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 21:01 | 2114978 KandiRaverHipster
KandiRaverHipster's picture

just send an email to Job 3:14 at

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 05:30 | 2115744 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture

I laughed out loud. Thanks.

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 06:20 | 2115146 michigan independant
michigan independant's picture

So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. No moles were injured in the service of this egg theory since there is, is not or you better hope not view. Zealots can be a problem no doubt as is passing through the eye of the needle. I will stick to game theory to back out since no move is the correct one. Good luck all and I thank the ZH for the black eyes when needed.


Tue, 01/31/2012 - 21:58 | 2115159 SILVERGEDDON

And the Lord sent the tribe of the Klingons from Uranus to the promised land, and they saw it was good. Their machinations created the Squid, the AntiChrist to enslave the people, who did not have the sense God gave a turnip, and did nothing while the Squid worshippers took all of their inheritance, and left them with a bowl of oatmeal. And, as the people fought over the oatmeal, they said, "This is good " And, so departed humanity from the earth to populate FEMA camps, where they labored to produce the fruit of the Apple to eliminate expense of labor and shipping from the land of the yellow people. And the corporate world saw that this was good, and proceeded to incorporate the entire world into the Disney like paradise of AMERIKA, Land of the Slave, Home of the Sheep. 

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 22:47 | 2115295 ricocyb13
Tue, 01/31/2012 - 22:48 | 2115302 hyperbole2000
hyperbole2000's picture

The god helmet,designed by neuropyschologists, vectors electromagnetic pulses into the brain quadrant that elicits religious feelings. People wearing the helmet often weep from their holy experience. The institutionalized religions call it heresy. I would counter with the question, "Why would the evolutionary process give rise to such a component in the brain?" and would posit the answer, "For our corporal reality to communicate to God's spritual world (i.e. prayer) would require something corporally present to act as a transmitter/receiver". The helmet is just a jacker/jammer.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 23:01 | 2115339 Alpha Monkey
Alpha Monkey's picture

As usual scientists are behind the curve. 

Ayahuasca Made from DMT, has been providing religious experiences since before the 16th century.  DMT is everywhere.  Check out the documentary on netflix: DMT, The Spirit Molecule
Tue, 01/31/2012 - 22:49 | 2115306 stiler
stiler's picture

some pretty funny responses. I think as much as people joke or say let's not talk about God, God is doing something here and now in the world. He is interested in us sinners, amazingly, whether we work for GS or not, no matter who is president, God works through that man, whether a Publican or a Sinner to achieve His perfect will. So, cheer up, nobody gets away with anything in the end and there is ample grace to get through the next day.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 23:25 | 2115353 Kipper und Wipp...
Kipper und Wipperzeit's picture


also-God does work thru whoever is elected....sometimes it is to punish those who elected him.

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 10:47 | 2116165 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

I'd guess he's fixin' to go Old Testament on us then.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 23:30 | 2115414 Archangel9
Archangel9's picture

The nearer to the church of Mammon the further from God. Irish saying.

And I say, the only time that Mr Blankfein and co will see the face of God is when he is damning them to the fires of hell, Hallelujah! 

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 23:35 | 2115428 Bartanist
Bartanist's picture

In a wacky way, it all fits together and just as the drone was hacked and delivered to the Iraquis, nuclear weapons have been de-activated and underground bases have been destroyed, these are all signs that the great chess game is coming to a climax ... and it does not look to have been won by those who "drive" and support the elitists. They will of course try to spoil the ending, but all timelines are supposedly converging and their actions are apparently for naught.

... may you live in interesting times. Surely we have felt it.

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 00:11 | 2115490 Bartanist
Bartanist's picture

Anyone ever read the works of Charles Forte?

It's deja vu all over again... didn't fish fall on England recently as well?

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 00:01 | 2115477 Let The Wurlitz...
Let The Wurlitzer Play's picture


Wed, 02/01/2012 - 04:38 | 2115724 PenGun
PenGun's picture

 I dunno, I kinda like TES at the moment.

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 09:10 | 2115874 Obadiah
Obadiah's picture

Wow the amount of intelligence on this site is AMAZING.

I see those posts of those of you who know the one true FATHER and His Words for living in these VERY times.  HE WILL make all things RIGHT!  Justice will be brought.

Join me in the deep end where the waters AWESOME brothers!

If your are in HIS plan for your life failure is impossible.  "Winning!!!"

Rock on

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 10:16 | 2116081 Endgamer
Endgamer's picture

If God had hacked the website, He would've posted "proverbs22:7proverbs22:7"

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 10:22 | 2116098 Endgamer
Endgamer's picture

Or perhaps "Ezekiel18:13Ezekiel18:13"

Wed, 02/01/2012 - 11:27 | 2116344 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

Bibble quote.

"Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.

20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled."

Sounds like my ex wife................:-)

Thu, 02/02/2012 - 06:30 | 2119317 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

Speaking of 'God' the Chief Archon, aka Ialdabaoth, aka the Demiurge and the directive script(aka the Bible) produced in 'God's' name by unknown shadowy forces, how can we escape this 'God' and his botherers:


"Death was not an antagonist, the last enemy, as Paul had thought; death was the release from bondage to the God of Life, the Deus Irae. In death one was free from Him--and only in death. ~ Deus Irae (P. K. Dick/Zelazny)

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