Did God Hack Goldman Sachs?

Tyler Durden's picture

It is oddly appropriate that when a reader opens the client portal of Goldman Sachs, also known as the bank that does God's work, in order to pull Jan Hatzius' take on today's economic data assortment, one would encounter the following amusingly intentional easter egg...

As a reminder Psalm 138:

1 A Psalm of David. I give thee thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart; before the gods I sing thy praise; 2 I bow down toward thy holy temple and give thanks to thy name for thy steadfast love and thy faithfulness; for thou hast exalted above everything thy name and thy word. 3 On the day I called, thou didst answer me, my strength of soul thou didst increase. 4 All the kings of the earth shall praise thee, O LORD, for they have heard the words of thy mouth; 5 and they shall sing of the ways of the LORD, for great is the glory of the LORD. 6 For though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly; but the haughty he knows from afar. 7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou dost preserve my life; thou dost stretch out thy hand against the wrath of my enemies, and thy right hand delivers me. 8 The LORD will fulfil his purpose for me; thy steadfast love, O LORD, endures for ever. Do not forsake the work of thy hands.

All joking aside, it appears out friends at 200 West have a bit of a mole infestation on their hands...

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piceridu's picture

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. - Galileo Galilei, In Religio

Whiner's picture

Hey, Sluck. Why don't you read it first, a book in print and best seller for thousands of years. You don't know who you are, where you came from or where you are going. Short fools. Long -wisdom.

Cast Iron Skillet's picture

the I-Ching (book of changes) is much older.

LeonardoFibonacci's picture

Jews don't believe in the Messiah Jesus!

Ghordius's picture

Well, Jesus believed in Jews, as far as I understand.

Gubbmint Cheese's picture

Doing (and quoting) God's work

ss123's picture

Tebow works for Goldman now?

chumbawamba's picture

This was no mistake.  Anyone who believes so is naive.

I am Chumbawamba.

Raging Debate's picture

Yes Chumba. A lot of binary messenging seems to be happening. Coincidence or not is a good question. A better one would be if a person or people would believe certain phenomena even it was explained clearly. Where does myth and science intersect? Curious or not so curious, is or is it not the question.

chumbawamba's picture

Science is simply another form of accepted beliefs that happen to have consistency, by method or otherwise.  No one can really say that science has figured out anything that self-consistent myths don't.  Everything in science is still just theory, and subject to the overturn of centuries worth of thought and belief with one new small discovery.  Hence, science is also nothing more than "myth", a set of beliefs that are formed around a self-consistent model.

That being said, this sort of thing doesn't happen by accident, but either by divine design (as you may be alluding) or by illuminated understanding.  It is exactly as Psalm 138 reads: this is an offering of thanks for some favor that was fulfilled by a higher power.  The Biblical connotations are not without intent.

I am Chumbawamba.

GoinFawr's picture

"Everything in science is still just theory, and subject to the overturn of centuries worth of thought and belief with one new small discovery. Hence, science is also nothing more than "myth", a set of beliefs that are formed around a self-consistent model"

Without too far of a run down the epistemological rabbit hole:

By defintion empirical method doesn't exactly embrace things like 'blind faith'. Science prefers ideas to beliefs. Deduction to induction (though it's true it'll take the latter if that's all it can get). The fact that science adapts itself to new information is its strength rather than a weakness; discover, overturn, and enlighten as you may.

And as far as languages go, it's tough to argue against the principles of basic mathematics/logic; which are inherently understood the planet over.

I mean, if everything in engineering is 'just a theory', I'll sure be relieved to find out that you're not the one hiring the guy who designs the bridges in my town... you're not, are you?


Mary Wilbur's picture

Scientific theories must be subject to stringent tests which attempt to refute or falsify them. They can start out as myths or bold conjectures but they must be continuously subject to tests that try to prove them wrong. And yes scientific theories are the result of deductive not inductive reasoning. These are not my ideas. The great 20th century philosopher of science, Karl Popper originated them. Conjectures and Refutations, "Preface":

"The way in which knowledge progresses, and especially our scientific knowledge, is by unjustified (and unjustifiable) anticipations, by guesses, by tentative solutions to our problems, by conjectures. These conjectures are controlled by criticism; that is, by attempted refutations, which include severely critical tests. They may survive these tests; but they can never be positively justified: they can be established neither as certainly true nor even as 'probable' (in the sense of the probablity calculus). Criticism of our conjectures is of decisive importance: by bringing out our mistakes it makes us understand the difficulties of the problem which we are trying to solve. This is how we become better acquainted with our problem and able to propose more mature solutions: the very refutation of a theory-- . . . is always a step forward and takes us nearer to the truth. And this is how we can learn from our mistakes." (pp. xi-xii)


trade the day's picture

The power of christ compels you BITCHEZ

Goldilocks's picture

Demon Voice: What's that?
Father Karras: Holy water.
Demon Voice: You keep it away. Uhh! Aah! It burns! Oh! It burns! Aah! A-a-a-aah!

What an excellent day for an exorcism.!!!


billybobtx's picture


Dimon Voice: What's that? 
Father Karras: Holy water. 
Dimon Voice: You keep it away. Uhh! Aah! It burns! Oh! It burns! Aah! A-a-a-aah!

There, fixed it.


IndicaTive's picture

Turns out it wasn't Holy Water. Fucking demon put on a show to the very end didn't it.

GoinFawr's picture

...the face-up-headfirst crabwalk down the stairs is still one of the creepiest scenes I have ever witnessed, just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. Wasn't that cut from the original?

Tom Servo's picture

Some content jockey probably just copy and pasted his password into the content he was editing.


Pchelar's picture

I would say Psalm 55 Verse 9 through 11 would be more apropo:

Destroy, O Lord, and divide their tongues,
For I have seen violence and strife in the city.
10 Day and night they go around it on its walls;
Iniquity and trouble are also in the midst of it.
11 Destruction is in its midst;
Oppression and deceit do not depart from its streets.


Pretty good description of the workings on Wall Street these days...

Raymond Reason's picture

This is a Psalm affirming that God is the hero and savior of the lowly.  "The haughty He knows from far off."  As he knows Lucifer and his minions from far off.  I thought it was quite appropriate. 

Raymond Reason's picture

But actually the Psalms are numbered differently in the Orthodox and Roman Catholic old Testaments.  138 is 139 in the Protestant and Jewish numbering.  This one is also  appropriate, maybe more so. 

1O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

 2Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.

 3Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.

 4For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.

 5Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

 6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.

 7Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

 8If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

 9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

 10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

 11If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

 12Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

 13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

 14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

 15My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

 16Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

 17How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

 18If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

 19Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.

 20For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.

 21Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?

 22I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.

 23Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

 24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

MsCreant's picture

E= MC2

As you approach the speed of light, time stands still and mass is infinite. All. The one.

falun bong's picture

The Dalai Lama walked into a pizza shop and said "make me One with Everything..."

MsCreant's picture

I heard it was a hot dog stand in New York.  And the monk with him said "Make me one with nothing."

francis_sawyer's picture

...so you have THAT going for you...

A flute with no holes...

Is NOT a flute...

& a donut with no holes...


JW n FL's picture



I LOVE THIS SONG! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etpHKueh6S0

LOVE! I'm Alright (From "Caddyshack") 3:46 Kenny Loggins Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow - The Greatest Hits of Kenny Loggins Rock  1

GeezerGeek's picture

It depends on one's frame of reference. If you were moving at nearly the speed of light, relative to me, you would think my time was going slowly. To you, your time would proceed normally. Or so says Einstein.

Similarly, the view from within JPM is very different from the view from without.

It's all relative, unless it's in your possession.

Gohn Galt's picture

Nice, better to read the different versions, translations, get the source yourself and translate it on your own.  Not that Jesus or Hillel would get caught up on words and yell infidel!  The spirit is the most important.  But they would question everything and would want everyone to know for themselves the truth.

Raging Debate's picture

Galt, I like the flair of Shakespeare, "to be or not to be that is the question". Be prepared to ask questions on both sides of an argument, framing using effective use of questions will not allow an individual to lie and get away with it. God bless you all, whatever name you pray to. The good news is we're evolving. The bad news means difficult competition to overcome, although the global competition as a planned event may be quite fun.

Schmuck Raker's picture

My favorite:

"You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why.....OOPS"[No, sorry. Wrong guy]

Pontius's picture

He knows when you've been sleeping.  He knows when you're awake.  He is watching and is all knowing.   Santa Claus was crucified on the cross for you.

billybobtx's picture

Statements like that make the 6 pound, 8 ounce newborn infant Jesus weep silently...



Pontius's picture

Baby jebus is winning for those kids and that family.

Goldilocks's picture

...some would have us believe that...
Christ Died For Our Sins.
...as loving as Christ supposedly was... who in their right mind would do that?

donsluck's picture

Come on people, it DOESN'T MATTER!!! Get off the religious track. Stay focused.

bpom's picture

Raymond, I have got some land for sale in South Lousyana that is a real steal.  sales@LousyLand.com

Buckaroo Banzai's picture

John 3:16

New International Version (©1984)
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

New Living Translation (©2007)
"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

English Standard Version (©2001)
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

International Standard Version (©2008)
"For this is how God loved the world: He gave his unique Son so that everyone who believes in him might not be lost but have eternal life.

Aramaic Bible in Plain English (©2010)
For God loved the world in this way: so much that he would give up his Son, The Only One, so that everyone who trusts in him shall not be lost, but he shall have eternal life.

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
God loved the world this way: He gave his only Son so that everyone who believes in him will not die but will have eternal life.

King James 2000 Bible (©2003)
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

American King James Version
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

American Standard Version
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life.

Douay-Rheims Bible
For God so loved the world, as to give his only begotten Son; that whosoever believeth in him, may not perish, but may have life everlasting.

Darby Bible Translation
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only-begotten Son, that whosoever believes on him may not perish, but have life eternal.

English Revised Version
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life.

Webster's Bible Translation
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only-begotten Son, that whoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Weymouth New Testament
For so greatly did God love the world that He gave His only Son, that every one who trusts in Him may not perish but may have the Life of Ages.

World English Bible
For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

Young's Literal Translation
for God did so love the world, that His Son -- the only begotten -- He gave, that every one who is believing in him may not perish, but may have life age-during.

Raymond Reason's picture

You didn't lie to your children.  St. Nicholas did exist in the 4th century.  A Greek monk who had a penchant for leaving anonymous gifts such as coins in peoples shoes left out on the porch stoop. 

PicassoInActions's picture

he should use psalm 137-9

Psalm 137:9

King James Version (KJV)

 9Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

Bill D. Cat's picture

Speaking in tongues .

Agent P's picture


Uncle Remus's picture

Haminah haminah haminah...

Manthong's picture

Dominus vobiscum, mofo.

Et cum Squiditu, tuo.

Manthong's picture

unleavened little calimari wafers..

Latin translation of above:

The dominator be with you, fo of Mo.

And the Squid also, with you.

Archduke's picture

It's weirder than that.  Is the Vatican an activist shareholder at GS, or are these figures part of GS's defence strategy?



It was Sister Nora Nash of the Sisters of St. Francis of Philadelphia. And the slight, soft-spoken nun had a few not-so-humble suggestions for the world’s most powerful investment bank.


In short, Goldman should do God’s work— something that its chairman and chief executive, Lloyd C. Blankfein, once remarked that he did. (The joke bombed.)


After a prayer, a group recitation from Psalm 68 (“The protector of orphans and the defender of widows is God in God’s holy dwelling”)





alien-IQ's picture

They should have gone with the Samuel Jackson bit from Pulp Fiction. Just seems more...Goldman.