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Donald "Patriotic American" Trump Portfolio Update

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Last Thursday, Donald Trump appeared on CNBC, and in an attempt to generate PR publicity almost as bad as A&F's idiotic campaign to pay The Situation money not to wear their clothing, sad the following: '"You wouldn't believe it. I bought Bank of America, I bought Citi, I bought, you know, two troubled companies that I think have an upside, lets see what happens. Caterpillar, Intel, Johnson and Johnson, Proctor and Gamble." We were curious to see how Trump's latest foray into picking securities (as opposed to bankruptcy advisors - he truly excels there) turned out. Here is the result of what listening to the former (and/or future) presidential candidate has yielded in a few short days.

Below is a summary index of the 6 companies Trump purchased. It is time to convert this into an inverse ETF.

 

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Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1573104 HonestJohn
HonestJohn's picture

you're fired

 

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:07 | 1573382 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Hopefully Trump can pick stocks better than he can pick toupee's.

Uh, huh, what's that, ok, well, looks like toupee 1 : stocks 0

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:10 | 1573401 egdeh orez
egdeh orez's picture

I'm watching Final Destination 7... starring Bank of America

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:22 | 1573454 scratch_and_sniff
scratch_and_sniff's picture

umm, looks like he took a bit of a haircut...under a fucking lawnmower.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 14:18 | 1573911 Oboneterm
Oboneterm's picture

was that trump or thump...lol

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1573105 FoieGras
FoieGras's picture

Trump is an idiot. Zero clue about trading.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:19 | 1573126 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Well....he did say that he didn't know 'stocks' and that real estate was his comfort area. And he said he was holding, not trading.

Not defending the man. And I understand he is a shill and a whore. But let's hang the man using his own words. There's still plenty of rope there to use.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:38 | 1573226 writingsonthewall
writingsonthewall's picture

.....is that the same comfort zone where he's bankrupted himself before?

He's not much good at that either, his real talent is getting sheep to follow him...simply because other sheep follow him.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:56 | 1573279 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

His real talent is defeating Don King in that reality show on celebrity hair 

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 13:13 | 1573662 knukles
knukles's picture

Given his bankruptcy experience, ought be Sec Treas.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1573106 DonnieD
DonnieD's picture

Trump: Entertaining blow-hard

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:18 | 1573124 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Entertaining is a stretch don't you think?

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:32 | 1573199 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

As entertaining as a passing a fatal car crash on the highway. You just gotta look.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:18 | 1573108 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Good going, Donald, you stock picker, equity market timing extraordinaire!

Not only did you pick cess pool stocks that are going to tank in epic fashion, you might get some ten baggers (down)!!!

Your ass is fired, bitch!

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lweJ5MbdWjY/TXglm1L5T-I/AAAAAAAAC1E/sW98YjQv58...

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:49 | 1573294 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

cess pools are naturally attracted to each other

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:17 | 1573113 PaperBugsBurn
PaperBugsBurn's picture

The Chinese are having a ball with the Biden

"U.S. desperate for vote of confidence from China," China Global Times headline.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 16:18 | 1574442 Tom of the Missouri
Tom of the Missouri's picture

Oh, man, speaking of complete and total idiots.  Biden  makes the Donald seem like an intellectual by comparison.    Can you imagine sending him to negotiate for you.  I can only imagine sending him to negotiate for me if I was intentionally trying to ruin myself.  I hope that report makes it to a Drudge headline.

He competes well in the hair area, too, with Trump.  He is oftern called "Plugs" biden, for his preference in hair treatment.  Not sure which is worse, massive comb over or obvious plugs.  Hmmm. 

And speaking of Trump.  It truly takes a brilliant guy to  to inherite thousands of richly cash flowing Manhatten apartments from his daddy and turn them into multiple bankruptcies over the years.  What a fool.  What greater fools to think this guy's name represents class and value.      I guess Barnum and Bailey had it right, "A sucker is born every minute."  Trump is the ultimate carnival huckster.  

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:17 | 1573114 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

C and BAC were stupid, but giving the trades a week to perform on a 450 point down day is just as

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:32 | 1573198 Enceladus
Enceladus's picture

Perhaps but it's funny as hell

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:17 | 1573115 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

He'll be back on an allowance like he was in 1991

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:21 | 1573116 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

Trump makes more money pretending to be a big shot rather than being a big shot.  That's why I thought he'd be the perfect president of Paper Tiger America.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 13:14 | 1573668 knukles
knukles's picture

Wig Wharehouse oughta pay him to not wear their product.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 15:24 | 1574132 Common_Cents22
Common_Cents22's picture

Trump will run as an independent reviving the Whig Party.   After all, he is a big whig.

He'll engage the flyover voters with his combover.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:18 | 1573117 toxic8
toxic8's picture

Milhouse voice: Ha-ha!

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:23 | 1573153 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

I think you mean Nelson Muntz?

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:18 | 1573118 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

Donalds bankrupt again

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:18 | 1573122 gunsmoke011
gunsmoke011's picture

Maybe we SHOULD elect him as President -- after taking a hit like that he may admit he knows nothing about the makret and would keep his grubby dick skinners out of it and allow it to trade freely.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:20 | 1573129 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

Total loser that knows nothing about economics

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:20 | 1573134 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Sorrentino was right, Trump IS a chump!

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:21 | 1573136 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Donald Trump wants to be like Ron Popeil, but he's not in the same ballpark intellectually:

http://www.cheezhead.com/img/donald-trump-steaks.jpg

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:24 | 1573161 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

Too bad Ron P didnt make the Set it and Forget it hair styler for the Donald

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:21 | 1573138 The Axe
The Axe's picture

More Money More Money More money...easy cheezie         ha ha ha     

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:23 | 1573158 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture

Donald Trump is a scumbag.

Donald Trump moves to Florida and turns someone's home into a fucking niteclub for people from boca and broward.

Donald Trump does not pay his bills, no one will do business with him because he stiffs contractors / sub-contractors.

Donald Trump would be Broke! is not for his father saving him.

now that his father is gone we will see how he does.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:41 | 1573250 fonestar
fonestar's picture

Donald Trump also wants to turn the coast of Scotland into his private golf retreat for banking swine and relocate all the locals who have a real econonmy fishing, farming, trades and have been there hundreds of years.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:24 | 1573165 Chippewa Partners
Chippewa Partners's picture

I would rank his stock purchases up there close to the Donald getting rid of Marla Maples.  Another beautiful Jawga girl......... 

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:27 | 1573180 mp2437
mp2437's picture

how was this index constructed?

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:27 | 1573184 baby_BLYTHE
baby_BLYTHE's picture

He better own some gold

A lot of wealthy people are going to get burned when the inevitable gold revaluation hits

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:35 | 1573212 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

The trully wealthy people have been quietly moving assets into gold with the phoney market rally.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:40 | 1573244 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I'm sure now the Donald woud have liked to follow the unelectable Ron Paul's investment advice of BUY GOLD.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:27 | 1573185 Doyle Hargraves
Doyle Hargraves's picture

Hey maybe since he is so good at filing for bankruptcy he can be teh prez and get rid of the national debt and entitlement shortfalls via bankruptcy./sarc

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:37 | 1573224 Whatta
Whatta's picture

What's a Donaldtrump?

Sounds like a bad combover or infectious disease or something.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:38 | 1573229 caerus
caerus's picture

doh!

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:40 | 1573246 israhole
israhole's picture

Donald Hump

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 14:17 | 1573908 JP McManus
JP McManus's picture

Donald T. Rump

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:42 | 1573254 oa92000
oa92000's picture

cat,intc,jnj,pg...thoes are good picks...

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:43 | 1573258 hazek
hazek's picture

inverse ETF, man you got to love ZH :D

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:49 | 1573273 drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

The Donald knows how to game the system...the real estate, bankruptcy, B list celebrity system that he operates in.  

 

Wearing that roadkill on his head can't shield him from a good old fashioned market drubbing.  Sorry Donald stick to your go-to(runnning businesses into the ground and reality TV, Hey Jim Cramer and Glenn Beck are doing just fine!) 

 

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:47 | 1573275 oa92000
oa92000's picture

Suddenly, The world is ending..WOW..

DO NOT DO SOMETHING TODAY...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 16:55 | 1574660 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

nice use of negative space....

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:47 | 1573281 RichardENixon
RichardENixon's picture

Shouldn't the headline have read Donald "The Bankrupt" Trump Portfolio Update ? Not to nitpick or anything.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:48 | 1573287 Vic Vinegar
Vic Vinegar's picture

Trump is awesome.  He got Barry to release his birth certificate which subsequently caused Osama bin Laden to be killed.  Thanks dude.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 14:19 | 1573912 JP McManus
JP McManus's picture

Who would have to get whacked if he released his college transcripts?

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 15:34 | 1574188 Vic Vinegar
Vic Vinegar's picture

Great rhetorical question dude.  Lets try and have some fun it w/o thinking about someone getting whacked.

Perhaps a combination of: a return to S&P 666, a free fantasy football draft party for all Americans at Buffalo Wild Wings and something going wrong with Kim K’s wedding all on the same day might just do it. 

Otherwise, we could get space aliens.  I want/hope/believe they will be sexy.  My position on this is firm.   No Charles Hugh Smith, two-minding of this and that when it comes to aliens.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:54 | 1573313 Astute Investor
Astute Investor's picture

Just another highly visible, self-proclaimed "expert" whose prognostications we can dismiss.  The quote that opinions are like assholes always comes to mind whenever Trump pontificates.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:04 | 1573367 DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

BOA?

It's one thing to buy a piece of shit property and FIX what is broke with it.

Buying a broke piece of shit bank and not having the ability to control or impliment a fix is the most assine thing I've ever heard of.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:07 | 1573384 notadouche
notadouche's picture

I've heard him say he had never owned stock, knows nothing about stocks and would never play in the market.   Why now does he come out.  I wonder how much he bought.  Maybe he only put in 10k but that got him on CNBC and got him publicity so he actually made a fantastic deal.  CNBC wll put anyone on that will extoll the virtues of buying stocks.  According to them stocks should be bought at Dow 14000 and should be bought at Dow 8000.  The only asset CNBC continuously talks down and "just doesn't understand" is gold.  They have been crapping on gold since 800.  Every day it goes up it is a sign of a top.  When it goes down a fraction they crow about how gold just doesn't work.  CNBC should be boycotted unless you like the comedy shows they put on.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:10 | 1573402 oa92000
oa92000's picture

zero server is very slow ..need a n upgrade???

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:18 | 1573433 Lazane
Lazane's picture

Trump should stick to what his old man taught him and what he seems to do best, doing deals using opm......

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:18 | 1573434 marsdefIAnCe
marsdefIAnCe's picture

Type / Announce / Auction / Settle

13-Week  BILL Thursday, August 18, 2011 Monday, August 22, 2011 Thursday, August 25, 2011
26-Week  BILL Thursday, August 18, 2011 Monday, August 22, 2011 Thursday, August 25, 2011
52-Week  BILL Thursday, August 18, 2011 Tuesday, August 23, 2011 Thursday, August 25, 2011

 

'nother big down day on big auction day

 

plunge provider is the new plunge protection

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:29 | 1573497 thunderchief
thunderchief's picture

The Donald is a product of wealth.  His father was a wealthy realestate tycoon.  Does anyone really think there are self made, pull yourself up by the boot straps kind of leaders in this country?  None that anyone cares about.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 16:58 | 1574675 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

dunno, but Trump seems to be doing a good job of pulling himself up by his jock strap :(

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:52 | 1573582 bankruptcylawyer
bankruptcylawyer's picture

i'm going to have to go with CD on this. 

 

people use trump like a scape goat, just like they do madoff. only trump is not an outright criminal like madoff. 

 

people ARE SUCKERS. if people want to gamble in casinoes, watch stupid television shows and buy the junk that is advertised during the commercial breaks, then donald trump is not the worst guy in the world for getting rich exploiting idiocy. 

 

the one thing that might be seemingly criminal but is fully legal is the trend of how new york city government handed him public property (along the west 60's and 70's) with a small requirement for him to invest in the waterfront and rebuild the 72nd street subway station. 

however, he got a good deal and he did in fact build ALOT  of housing in a place that new yorkers were willing to pay for it. 

 

just because the man went bankrupt on the money of banks and rebuilt himself doesn't make him public enemy number one. 

he's just another lame excuse for a figure-head because many american voters are fools and worship bling. blame democracy and populism for the rise of a man like trump. he is the golden calf. 

 

 

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:54 | 1573586 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

He’s setting us up with suspense for the coming full disclosure of his entire stock portfolio. It’s a promotional technique he must have learned from his forays in the media.

“Now that you’ve seen this, we’ll have a complete list of all the best stocks to short, right after these messages from the Trump Plaza Casino.”

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:58 | 1573597 jmc8888
jmc8888's picture

Maybe dipshit Donald will be bankrupted again.

Not a good time giving the free debt money ponzi is ending.

Well at least he has some name recognition.  He won't starve I'm sure.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 14:49 | 1574009 Bokkenrijder
Bokkenrijder's picture

But will he be able to afford all those prety wigs?

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 12:59 | 1573598 daneskold
daneskold's picture

"Time to turn this into an inverse etf."

HAHAHAHA

Brilliant! 

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 13:46 | 1573793 Phillips Capital
Phillips Capital's picture

HAHAHAHAHA!!! I love you guys!!!! Time to turn this into an inverse ETF. wahahaha... so good. 

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 13:55 | 1573822 Bokkenrijder
Bokkenrijder's picture

"It is time to convert this into an inverse ETF."

 

Called the Strump index?

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 13:55 | 1573826 Hubbs
Hubbs's picture

 

Trump: The consumate bullshitter, hypemeister extraordinaire.

 

Instead of the "Art of the Deal" his book should have been the "Whore of the Hype."

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 14:12 | 1573891 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

There's a reason Trump has gone bankrupt so many times.......

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 16:52 | 1574643 malek
malek's picture

Please buy some more BAC and C!
Correction, much more!! And then go bankrupt!!!

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