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Elijah Cummings Is First Political Muppet To Issue Goldman Op-Ed Response

Tyler Durden's picture


It was literally a matter of hours following the release of the now historic Greg Smith "Muppets" Op-Ed, before the true criminals enabling the slow motion trainwreck of the Keynesian klepto-fascist experiment became heard. Sure enough, here is Elijah Cumming indicating he has the most to gain by scapegoating a firm that between Vampire Squids and Muppets is slowly being mocked into the same relevancy as an HR Giger petting zoo.

Washington, D.C. (Mar. 14, 2012) – Rep. Elijah E. Cummings, Ranking Member of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, released the following statement in reaction to an op-ed by former Goldman Sachs executive Greg Smith that described the company’s culture as “toxic and destructive”: 


“Even after Goldman received a $10 billion taxpayer bailout and paid the largest SEC settlement in history for misleading its investors, it still hasn’t learned the lessons of the 2008 financial collapse, according to this insider. Putting its short-term corporate profits before the interests of its own investors and clients is exactly what helped cause the economic collapse and what continues to corrode Wall Street.”

In other news not a single Congressional or Senatorial muppet (a term Zero Hedge used long before the reverend Mr. Smith) announced today they will henceforth not accept any bribes, pardon, donations from Wall Street and/or corporate America. Or in this case, the same Transportation unions that received a far greater than $10 billion bailout as part of the GM "reorganization" (make that $16 billion) that made a mockery of contract law even more than the Greek bankruptcy.

Source: OpenSecrets


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Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:31 | 2256237 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Bork! Bork! Bork!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:53 | 2256287 SHEEPFUKKER

So wait, the banksters can't make money without stealing from their clients? Shocking news......And so big of Mr. Smith to come clean after all those years.  Can you please return all of the money that you stole plus interest plus pain and suffering and then perhaps we can talk about it. 

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:13 | 2256325 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Naw... won't happen, any clawbacks would rightly be found unconstitutional....

The way I see it, if they got a Ken Starr clone with a $100 million dollar budget they could get these guys to perjure themselves with endless supeonas and cross examinations....

That might be the only way to get em....

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 23:07 | 2256628 Central Bankster
Central Bankster's picture

So wait, Elijah thinks there is a difference between bloodsucking bankers and bloodsucking politicians?  Har har...

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 10:12 | 2257588 Carl Spackler
Carl Spackler's picture

Which goes right to Tyler Durden's point...a political muppet.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:50 | 2256359 michael_engineer
michael_engineer's picture

Maybe the banking industries business model of the past 6 decades isn't working too well anymore. It's possible that it is being structurally challenged by resource availability.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:01 | 2256413 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Once upon a time they were happy with the 1-2% of the economy that they skimmed off...

They legitiamtely earned that vig... then the '80s happened and the limits to greed were dismantled...

They still serve a purpose, but at 1/10 the size and in a general partner/limited partner structure...

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:38 | 2256372 Pizza man
Pizza man's picture

Read the article again. He didn't come clean. He intimated he didn't participate in the ripp-offs so nothing to come clean about.

As if any of the heros on this site would readily give up a multi-six to seven figure income on pure principal. Now we call for him to give it back with interest. HYPOCRACY...

For all we know at this point, the kid should be taken at face value. Or, he was turned down for partner and is pissing all over everybody with a few burned bridges thrown in for good measure. One or the other.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:48 | 2256392 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Spoken like a true criminal from the house of Goldman.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 22:28 | 2256576 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

You twit. I just gave up a 6-figure MONTHLY income: $1,240.63

NB: "principle".

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 01:43 | 2256866 Antipodeus
Antipodeus's picture

"Pizza Delvery Man".  ;=P

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 00:14 | 2256762 trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

aaww dont be such a muppet!  you and i know it isnt going to happen.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:58 | 2256527 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

If I were to choose a Muppet, I'd say Elijah was Fozzy Bear.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:35 | 2256238 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

It's not easy being green...

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:10 | 2256321 max2205
max2205's picture

He's black. Move along, leave him alone.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:44 | 2256382 spiral_eyes
spiral_eyes's picture

Elijah is cumming hard right now.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:38 | 2256371 weinerdog43
weinerdog43's picture

Actually, it's not easy being Tyler when you're giving blow jobs to Mitch McConnell.  Fair and balanced don't ya know.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 23:10 | 2256644 Central Bankster
Central Bankster's picture

Says the DFL party fluffer.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:33 | 2256239 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Get over it, muppets are there to make money!

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 06:37 | 2256243 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Dats raaaycist.


Only three?...oh come

"I think when they (tea party) can vote for a Herman Cain and hear him say the things that he says, they feel like "Well, you know, I can, I support this it shows that I'm not racist and I'm supportive" - Elijah Cummings

Only in the twisted logic of the race baiter can a "racist" vote for what they percieve as inferior...remember...they are supposedly racist...right? 

Or is he calling him an Uncle Tom?

Boy, wouldn't I love to crawl around in this guys head for a half hour...with a "free", state mandated, full Fluke body condom on, of course ;-)


And speaking of Fluke...(no...I won't let it go)...58k a year for a Georgetown Law degree that when she graduates the average starting salary for her will be 160k, but she can't afford nine dollar a month birth control pills...she's dating a one percenter's son...and taking european

Well duh.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:35 | 2256245 YC2
YC2's picture

I like this muppet meme, hopefully its got legs

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:52 | 2256284 herewego...
herewego...'s picture


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:53 | 2256285 doomandbloom
doomandbloom's picture

muppet, bitchez

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:36 | 2256246 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

Just wait 'til all the strippers come out with their responses......................

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:16 | 2256414 Cursive
Cursive's picture

Headlines from 2015:



"Call Girl Says Lloyd Liked To Deficate In Diaper"


NY Post:

"High Priced Honey:  Blankfein Liked a Crap and Wipe"



"Is It Time To Dip Your Toe Back Into Stocks?"

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 23:14 | 2256653 Central Bankster
Central Bankster's picture


Heard at the local brothel:


Goldman Sacks

Just the tip

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:36 | 2256247 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Anyone remember the movie "Heavy Metal" and the trial of Captain Stern??

"Hangin's too good for him...."

"He ought to be cut into little itty bitty pieces"

Sounds like a good recipe for calamari...

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 22:18 | 2256558 tarsubil
Wed, 03/14/2012 - 22:34 | 2256590 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

esp segment where Pentagon Jewess gets kidnapped by space aliens; seduces toaster; then demands Jewish wedding.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:40 | 2256256 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

We all live in ABSURDISTAN now!!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:41 | 2256262 MrBinkeyWhat
MrBinkeyWhat's picture

You can't make this stuff up. No body would buy it...

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:41 | 2256263 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong wait and see.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:46 | 2256270 SumSUN
SumSUN's picture

"it still hasn’t learned the lessons of the 2008 financial collapse,"

They've learned a lot.  The more they learn how to screw us, the more we get screwed!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:46 | 2256271 Outlaw Of The W...
Outlaw Of The Wasteland's picture

 "Someone's broken Ape law"  - elijah cummings

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:09 | 2256311 Chief KnocAHoma
Chief KnocAHoma's picture

Now that is an insult to the apes!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:47 | 2256274 blindman
blindman's picture

Dancing squid bowl dish in Hakodate
sometimes things are just what they seem to be.
sick and cruel but for some reason? funny.
i think i need help with this.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:49 | 2256277 surf0766
surf0766's picture

How much did he get from them? Who are his top donor's?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:58 | 2256297 Thunder_Downunder
Thunder_Downunder's picture

"This is disgraceful."


"I've received advice from Loyd these strongly comments are acceptable, and I may now I glare ominously."

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:58 | 2256298 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

well break them up then dumbass ...

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:16 | 2256333 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

The theives are turning on each other.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:20 | 2256340 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Congress has a more toxic dysfunctional quid pro quo environment than Goldman could ever aspire too.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:28 | 2256348 Python
Python's picture

shouldn't that be squid pro quo?

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 08:44 | 2257206 Fedaykinx
Fedaykinx's picture


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:37 | 2256366 Catullus
Catullus's picture

Even after they got billions of dollars for doing what they were doing, they kept on doing it!!!

This crisis is just the gift that keeps on giving. How much credibility can these people possibly lose?

No bother getting pissed off. Just laugh at these people.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:44 | 2256383 Encroaching Darkness
Encroaching Darkness's picture

"slowly being mocked into the same relevancy as an HR Giger petting zoo"

BUT, BUT, they're CUTE, and CUDDLY, and our bioweapons division thinks they have real potential.....

+10^6 little facehuggers for H.R. Giger reference!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:03 | 2256415 Coke and Hookers
Coke and Hookers's picture

I would love to take all keynesians in the world on a field trip to the HR Giger petting zoo. Come on boys! Pet the nice queen. She likes it!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:50 | 2256395 Cursive
Cursive's picture

It's time to put on makeup, It's time to dress up right....

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:01 | 2256412 Stax Edwards
Stax Edwards's picture

It is absurd to say Goldman learned nothing from the crisis.  Quite the contrary, they learned that no matter how egregious their theivery becomes and no matter how big their losses might be, by simply becoming a "bank" (where the hell are the branch locations and ATM's anyway?) with the FED's blessing they will be backstopped by the US taxpayer.  It is genius plan from an organization that you should expect nothing less from.  Heads they win tails we (taxpayers) lose.  Frankly anyone offered such an opportunity would be a fool to turn it down.  Unfortunately for most of us, our former co-workers do not run the FED.  I for one am looking forward to the FED extending employment offers to both Blankfein and Corzine in short order since both of their private careers seem to be going up in smoke.  Here's to many more years of Goldman alums running the US Treasury and Fed!

Dis:  Considering predicting Blankfein's departure from the Sach by the end of the year on Intrade.  Anybody got the over/under?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:07 | 2256420 Coke and Hookers
Coke and Hookers's picture

Correct. Goldman now has several new revenue streams thanks to their subsidiary; the US Government: Current taxpayer money, future taxpayer money and taxpayer assets.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:16 | 2256437 gwar5
gwar5's picture

NY Sen. Chuck Schumer is wing man for the Wall Street squids so he is not going to be running his big mouth on this one.  Anybody seen Chuck?

However, the Dem narrative dictates that the "Party of the little people" must respond.  So, they send bravely send out a black guy in a safe district to be the faux human shield to "Protesteth we much" to the Great White Squid.


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:23 | 2256454 luckylogger
luckylogger's picture

In my dreams blankfein will be preaching gods work in some maximum security

I hear a helicopter approaching and have not even hit send............ ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:23 | 2256455 luckylogger
luckylogger's picture

In my dreams blankfein will be preaching gods work in some maximum security

I hear a helicopter approaching and have not even hit send............ ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:45 | 2256505 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

He said "H.R. Geiger Petting Zoo"!!!


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 22:41 | 2256598 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

Who wrote that op ed for him? He didn't write that. Did somebody at the squid write that?


You can't elect an honest man.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 22:53 | 2256615 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

If only I had the talent of Williambanzai7.

t's not that easy being taking the green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that

It's not easy being taking the green
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Or stars in the sky

But green's the color of Spring Money
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 23:20 | 2256664 Dermasolarapate...
Dermasolarapaterraphatrima's picture

Wiat until Holder reads the NYT artilce about GS and Wall Street. He is going to be mad as heck finding out this massive fraud was going on right under his nose.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 23:27 | 2256684 Central Bankster
Central Bankster's picture

It was up more than 7% the day before and only down 4% today.  Not so ouch!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 23:30 | 2256686 jywhy999
jywhy999's picture

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Wed, 03/14/2012 - 23:29 | 2256694 laughing_swordfish
laughing_swordfish's picture


Well, finally, after "Fabulous Fab", Magnetar, Abacus, and all the other chicanery comes Greg Smith with his op-ed Mea Culpa.

Nice, but a coward's way out.

Instead, he should have gathered up some "juicy" info and gone to Sen. Carl Levin's Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations and said the following:

"Senator, I am Goldman Sach's Joseph Valachi. I have information I will be willing to present to your committee and its investigators which will enable you to prosecute Goldman and its officers for perjury before your committee as well as other information that will make RICO prosecution of this criminal organization a slam-dunk.

I will, however, need assistance in entering the witness-protection program... "

On Intrade - what's the over/under on "Greg Smith" meeting with a very unfortunate "accident" in the next 30 days?


KrvtKpt. Laughing Swordfish

DKM Trading


Thu, 03/15/2012 - 20:56 | 2260162 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

No need for accidents when people have such frail health resulting in heart attacks. Totally natural causes.

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 01:12 | 2256835 FXPortent
FXPortent's picture

One can Elijah Cummings came  a little bit later than usual!

Awesome last name, says it all.

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 09:01 | 2257259 Fedaykinx
Fedaykinx's picture

e e cummings wrote a poem about him~

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 01:18 | 2256837 bluebare
bluebare's picture


Random Muppet Generator HERE

Random Muppet Sampler:

The Dancing Sponges appeared in episode 312 of The Muppet Show, cleaning up the stage after the "Octopus' Garden" number.


Thu, 03/15/2012 - 01:22 | 2256844 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

In case you missed it: the REAL response from the squid:


A LOL letter...

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 01:33 | 2256849 bluebare
bluebare's picture

Corzine would be a better choice as the new EVP, don't ya think?

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 02:54 | 2256912 Powerslave
Powerslave's picture

The Zerohedge's Law : As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Greece approaches.

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 09:02 | 2257260 Fedaykinx
Fedaykinx's picture

needs more jewbashing, i dunno wtf ya'll mofos are slippin 4 real

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 02:59 | 2256916 cnhedge
Thu, 03/15/2012 - 03:58 | 2256957 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

" slowly being mocked into the same relevancy as an HR Giger petting zoo."

bah ha ha, bah ha ha ha ha ha ha. thanks. i haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 07:20 | 2257084 Ellesmere
Ellesmere's picture

A HR Giger petting zoo .....ROTFLMAO

That's inspired!

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 07:30 | 2257089 Savonarola
Savonarola's picture

Talk about the coal calling the kettle black.

Decades ago when I worked on Wall St, GS had an impeccable reputation. Guys like Eric Dobkin made the firm a houshold name. IPO's like British Gas back in 1986 really put them on the path to dominance beyond their trading house reputation.  When GS went public the firm changed for the worse.

During the same period the US Congress mirrored GS in its decline.

Nuf ced.

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