This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Epic, Grotesquely Surreal Friday Humor

Tyler Durden's picture





 

Yesterday, during a conference organized by Bank of America titled "Banking & Insurance CEO Conference", whose key purpose was to defend insolvent Italian banks such as Intesa Sanpaolo (which was downgraded the very same day by Moody's) against the evil market and people spreading destructive truths, something grotesquely surreal happened. Specifically, Slide 9 from the prepared slide-deck happened. "What is Slide 9" you ask? Basically, it is Intesa's core defense of its "viability" which presents the EBA Stress Test result, according to which its Core Tier 1 ranks "among the best under the adverse scenario." Who is the best? Seek and ye shall find. The rest, as they, say is epic history...

Red highlighting ours

 

h/t Paolo

 


- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:11 | Link to Comment BoGaVaNTe
BoGaVaNTe's picture

Hilarious indeed :-)

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:20 | Link to Comment Popo
Popo's picture

OMFG.

Somebody forgot to stress-test the stress-test.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:27 | Link to Comment HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Check that XLF.  Wow.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:45 | Link to Comment scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

MF down 9% bitches!   Who's their counter party ?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:46 | Link to Comment Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Forget about France being downgraded by the rating agencies.

Sarkozy has just DEGRADED France to BANANA REPUBLIC status.

First he framed DSK with the hotel maid affair.

Now, Segolene Royal accuses Sarkozy of manipulating the polls:

http://www.tdg.ch/actu/monde/segolene-royal-accuse-sarkozy-manipuler-son...

 

 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:01 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Imagine Segolene Royal manipulating a pole.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:29 | Link to Comment Slim Pickens
Slim Pickens's picture

Not that Sarkozy would be above such a thing, but I don't think Royal needs any help to be low in the polls.  The PS is going to nominate Holland by a mile, so the accusations that people have been spying on Holland's girlfriend on behalf of Sarkozy sound a lot more plausible.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 17:35 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Now, Segolene Royal accuses Sarkozy of manipulating the polls

Did anyone seriously think that Sarkozy, Merkel, Lagarde, Jeethner, or any of the other charade desperadoes wasn't a pole greaser?

 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:27 | Link to Comment kengland
kengland's picture

Do they not proof this shat? I would have been fired for including a slide so freaking stupid and destructive.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:39 | Link to Comment Commander Cody
Commander Cody's picture

All is well when the 'additional measures' are considered - whatever they are.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:49 | Link to Comment SAJ
SAJ's picture

Edd Widd lives.  Slide 9 from Outer Space.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:50 | Link to Comment SAJ
SAJ's picture

Or Edd Wood, even.  Sheesh.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:11 | Link to Comment boom goes the d...
boom goes the dynamite's picture

you can't make this shit up

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

If you did, no one would believe you.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:29 | Link to Comment tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

+1

beautiful

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:29 | Link to Comment FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

If you did, you'd have to tell Liesman (so he could spread the word) or no one would believe you.  Well beyond funny!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 19:11 | Link to Comment Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

"you can't make this shit up"

YOU can't, but rich folks can....

http://songsofthegreatdepression.blogspot.com/

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:16 | Link to Comment Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Au and Ag falling off a cliff. Margin hikes after the metal markets close?

BBVA has major presence in LatAm. That bank is about to go bust. Millions of savers will be fisted with a boxer.

That will mark the initiation of riots in Brazil. 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:17 | Link to Comment Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

Might just be forced liquidation.

Nothing to see here.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:24 | Link to Comment Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

Stop looking at the spot price, the physical trading premiums will maintain

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:00 | Link to Comment traderjoe
traderjoe's picture

Tulving.com appears to be out of all their junk silver. They still claim 400k ounces in stock but a few items sold out.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | Link to Comment GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

Regarding Au & Ag, I think it might be the opposite, I think we see some PM bullish news over the weekend. Big time.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:31 | Link to Comment HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Looks like a repeat of Wed. on my charts.  From a higher price.  Not too concerned.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:44 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

Did I miss the memo on the new meaning of "falling off a cliff" this week?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:46 | Link to Comment buck4free
buck4free's picture

LOL. No Shit.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:31 | Link to Comment tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

Damn. That cliff cost me USD 0.59!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:49 | Link to Comment sdmjake
sdmjake's picture

Falling off a cliff = back to where it was 8 weeks ago?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:12 | Link to Comment Fips_OnTheSpot
Fips_OnTheSpot's picture

LOL^2

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:14 | Link to Comment Timmay
Timmay's picture

The lies come so fast that they can no longer hide the truth. Shit is going down.

 

LOL! What does it "mean" to be on or near the bottom of this list Soc Gen?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | Link to Comment BoGaVaNTe
BoGaVaNTe's picture

it means that your shit is also all over the place but it is not as liquid(no pun intended)

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:29 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Soon theyll start doing daily premarket and 15 minutes before close 'stress test results' to move the markets. Then after that it will be hourly stress tests.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:14 | Link to Comment monopoly
monopoly's picture

And just when I thought I saw it all. And no one indicted yet.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:14 | Link to Comment P Rankmug
P Rankmug's picture

No different than the Hindenburg being rated safest air travel in 1937.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:17 | Link to Comment LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

Was a Manchurian Franky singing: "Come Fry with me, Let's Fry, Let's Fry Away!" ??

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:14 | Link to Comment Nawaralsaadi
Nawaralsaadi's picture

That was a good one :)

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:15 | Link to Comment Sgt. Oddball
Sgt. Oddball's picture

In the current bizarro world economy that we have today this makes perfect sense.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:15 | Link to Comment imaginalis
imaginalis's picture

Priceless

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:16 | Link to Comment Finnykins
Finnykins's picture

No fucking way :0 PAHAHAHAHA

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:16 | Link to Comment Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

No really it's not a turd! See, there is a cherry and some whipped cream on it! I mean, who would put whipped cream and a cherry on a turd!?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:19 | Link to Comment LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

A hedge fund manager's PR department on the coming performance report?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:17 | Link to Comment nobusiness
nobusiness's picture

Please prepare for the daily short squeze.  Fundementals don't mean anything in the bailout world.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:27 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

The FED is probably done short squeezing their own shorts now....oops did I let the cat out of the bag?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:32 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

The FED is probably done short squeezing their own shorts now

Merkel and Sarkozy, on the other hand, have each just squeezed one out in their shorts.

 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Is that Dexia at the top? omg lololololol

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Told every bull this morning when they were commenting on release of the ADP and the next stop was S&P 1,300 to not be so confident and its all a big bull trap.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:22 | Link to Comment Shock and Aweful
Shock and Aweful's picture

Right...

"They" just need to get a few more bagholders setup before the next move down.....

 

 

 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:51 | Link to Comment topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

If I look around a table and cant figure out who the bagholder is.....

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:20 | Link to Comment lemarche
lemarche's picture

What a joke !! And they call themselves "analysts"... Is that someone with analytical skills?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:21 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

I look at this bank lineup and this came right to mind....Bring out yer DEAD! But Im NOT dead! Dont worry, he'll be stone dead in a moment...

Monty Python Bring out Your Dead - YouTube

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:21 | Link to Comment Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

Oh shit, now Hitler has just found out what a mess things are.  Here comes trouble   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-ixJFOTx2M&feature=related

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:22 | Link to Comment Flounder
Flounder's picture

That's a typo.  Right?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:23 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I found a picture of the Bizzaro Bernank who is overseeing the banks:

http://www.trevoroldak.com/uploads/Bizzaro.jpg

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:23 | Link to Comment Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

If Dexia is best and it is first to fail,  (be admitted, arranged, allowed to fail)

then playing with the bulls at Pamplona would be nothing to the upcoming run in the streets of Europe.  To all of you folks, good luck and cover your blind spots.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:24 | Link to Comment Jean
Jean's picture

How did they get those circles around the slide numbers?  Most important thing I learned from the stress tests

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:25 | Link to Comment Sgt. Oddball
Sgt. Oddball's picture

So is this basically the EU's version of the Banker Dead Pool?  I wonder what the behind the scene odds are on who is next to get crossed of this death list.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:25 | Link to Comment kaa1016
kaa1016's picture

You can not be serious. WTF!!! The financial system as we know will no longer exist in a few short months from now. We are looking at, in my opinion, a chance to make insane amounts of money taking the other side of the hopium trade. Also, Zerohedge is BY FAR the best website to get bullshit free information about the markets. Keep it up guys!!!!!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:55 | Link to Comment J 457
J 457's picture

The question should be; what is the trade?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:05 | Link to Comment s2man
s2man's picture

Cash for deflation, phys assets for inflation. 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:25 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

I see RoboTrader is lurking on the thread, downgrading each of my comments as usual. So when ya gonna make your meaningless post which will have nothing to do with the article as usual?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:34 | Link to Comment HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

As usual, miners are being sold off at the first sign of trouble, as investors pile into LULU.  Oh wait, that's down 3.5%.  Nevermind.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:42 | Link to Comment the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

CMG (Chipote) will save us all... oh wait...never mind.

 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:54 | Link to Comment topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

Surely a dog of your stature would be worthy of many enemies. Why would you think you had just one?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:29 | Link to Comment Silverhog
Silverhog's picture

Dexia must have so many cooked books they should open a bakery.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:32 | Link to Comment UK debt marsh
UK debt marsh's picture

The First (Dexia's Midnight Bank Runners) shall be Last

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:33 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Ha.  It's more like Dexia's Midnight Robbers!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:33 | Link to Comment Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

So who, exactly, is in charge of marking this test on a curve?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:35 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

All is well again! Nevermind the IMF statements we're looking at Western World meltdown within days...Little Miss Manic/Depressive Market is running around the room jumping and throwing glitter in the air again! But in a couple minutes she'll be back huddled in the corner sobbing hopelessly again.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:37 | Link to Comment hambone
hambone's picture

I like what you did there SD...lovely visuals

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:34 | Link to Comment Mister Ponzi
Mister Ponzi's picture

Maybe some intern sorted the data in an Excel spreadsheet in reverse order and forgot to include the ranks in the sorting?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:37 | Link to Comment Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

The Fed loan pipeline is making big veiny injections worldwide.  They will only leak the numbers when it serves their purpose.  When they do, they will remind you, "see, there was never anything to worry about.  We were on the job providing liquidity when we were supposed to."  And the hedgefunds will all go long.

I would bet the Fed has already made 10 trillion + in loans to banks and companies this month.  You know Buffet got some already.

 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:42 | Link to Comment bugs_
bugs_'s picture

very nice article zh

I suppose we should take a look at Banco Popolare given the apparent reverse sort order!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:43 | Link to Comment centerline
centerline's picture

This one needs to be tucked for later use.  Classic.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:48 | Link to Comment LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Yeah, but they're WAY ahead of SocGen.  That's gotta be bullish...right?

What a bunch of fuk-ups!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:51 | Link to Comment seek
seek's picture

Europe is toast, the rankings just determine how burned each bank is.

The BoE reveal yesterday was spot on, though maybe optimistic. Definitely going to have round two of the greatest show this month, I think.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:54 | Link to Comment Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture
Wired

 

Exclusive: Computer virus hits U.S. drone fleet A computer virus has infected the cockpits of America’s Predator and Reaper drones, logging pilots’ every keystroke as they remotely fly missions over Afghanistan and other warzones. 27 minutes ago
Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:08 | Link to Comment fyrebird
fyrebird's picture

Hee hee. It's a small leap from logging key strokes to making them.

I sense a sci-fi thriller here. But we already have "Ender's Game" so perhaps I won't bother.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:11 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

yeah, new command, return to base. heh heh

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:54 | Link to Comment SAME AS IT EVER WAS
SAME AS IT EVER WAS's picture

Just when you thought you've seen it all....DAMN!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:56 | Link to Comment Nascent_Variable
Nascent_Variable's picture

Slightly off topic, but it looks like Bank of America has been successfully hacked.

http://www.wtsp.com/news/local/article/214272/8/Bank-of-America-debit-ca...

How can so many bad things happen to such a well-run bank?

/sarc

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:58 | Link to Comment willien1derland
willien1derland's picture

Ohhh you meant STRESS test....Ohhhh we thought you meant the banks which could not deal with ANY stress...but you do understand that Dexia has big buildings with many people who pretend to work their each & every day...If they did not go to 'work' where would they go? Wall Street Protest? - Send this to Liesman & Pisani at CNBC & get theyr reaction....PRICELESS

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:00 | Link to Comment fyrebird
fyrebird's picture

This is what you do when you realize you went outside without any clothes on.

Fake it. Act like it isn't happening. Act like you did it on purpose.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:06 | Link to Comment jdelano
jdelano's picture

I'm done with boxers.  Pisses myself laughing so many times here it's time to go commando before I go broke.  You really, really, really can't make this shit up.  

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:14 | Link to Comment Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

I think the euroland queers thought it was Dress Test as they start the planning for Fruity Rudy's annual cross-dressing bash.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:17 | Link to Comment fastishplastic
fastishplastic's picture

i dare say that Dexia's viability is better than any other European bank given their first mover advantage.

BAC has a good point here with this slide, and Intensa has a (viable)ity chance if they get off their ass quickly and onto their knees like Dexia already has.

only the too big to beg will fail   

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:20 | Link to Comment MrBoompi
MrBoompi's picture

"spreading destructive truths"

Priceless!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:25 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Dexia is fine, really, just like AIG and WaMu and Enron and...

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:35 | Link to Comment slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

gotta love the foornotes (1) & (2) for the "stress" tests leading, ultimately to the all-important 2-year stress ratio "with additional measures" (rolling shit to other banks)!

remember when tyler would put up the "gamma-fied" euro-banskter charts a few months ago?  b4 they temporarily outlawed the short sales till they could figure out howta fend off disaster?  L0L!!! 

how can they fail? 

the CBs still have those inventions..., BiCheZ!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:48 | Link to Comment Manny
Manny's picture

It sure feels surreal!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:00 | Link to Comment airedalesrule
airedalesrule's picture

No doubt their financial advisors assisted & reviewed the slide show...

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:06 | Link to Comment s2man
s2man's picture

LMAO

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:33 | Link to Comment bill1102inf
bill1102inf's picture

I wonder if Obamalaise goes good on peas?????

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 16:07 | Link to Comment The4thStooge
The4thStooge's picture

Final Destination banker style. The banks will die in reverse order starting with the top of the list.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 19:16 | Link to Comment CapTool
CapTool's picture

did Anyone look at slide 11. The leverage ratios. Does anyone know which banks those are. Those are frigging amazing

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 22:36 | Link to Comment holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

I was expecting something grotesquely funny and this still went beyond expectations.

Wow.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 23:44 | Link to Comment Encroaching Darkness
Encroaching Darkness's picture

Hey, check out slide #38, where they are talking about their exposure to Greek debt:

"Impairment on bonds with maturity by 2020 based on expected loss of 21% with respect to securities classified under L&R and on market value for AFS securities"

If they are expecting to lose only 21% of their Greek loans, they are so delusional it's not even funny. Try 100%!

Oh well.

 

 

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 12:23 | Link to Comment karmete
karmete's picture

Great!!! thanks for sharing this information to us! sesli chat sesli sohbet

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!