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Epic, Grotesquely Surreal Friday Humor

Tyler Durden's picture


Yesterday, during a conference organized by Bank of America titled "Banking & Insurance CEO Conference", whose key purpose was to defend insolvent Italian banks such as Intesa Sanpaolo (which was downgraded the very same day by Moody's) against the evil market and people spreading destructive truths, something grotesquely surreal happened. Specifically, Slide 9 from the prepared slide-deck happened. "What is Slide 9" you ask? Basically, it is Intesa's core defense of its "viability" which presents the EBA Stress Test result, according to which its Core Tier 1 ranks "among the best under the adverse scenario." Who is the best? Seek and ye shall find. The rest, as they, say is epic history...

Red highlighting ours


h/t Paolo


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Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:11 | 1750132 BoGaVaNTe
BoGaVaNTe's picture

Hilarious indeed :-)

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:20 | 1750171 Popo
Popo's picture


Somebody forgot to stress-test the stress-test.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:27 | 1750213 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Check that XLF.  Wow.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:45 | 1750294 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

MF down 9% bitches!   Who's their counter party ?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:46 | 1750298 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Forget about France being downgraded by the rating agencies.

Sarkozy has just DEGRADED France to BANANA REPUBLIC status.

First he framed DSK with the hotel maid affair.

Now, Segolene Royal accuses Sarkozy of manipulating the polls:



Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:01 | 1750354 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Imagine Segolene Royal manipulating a pole.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:29 | 1750739 Slim Pickens
Slim Pickens's picture

Not that Sarkozy would be above such a thing, but I don't think Royal needs any help to be low in the polls.  The PS is going to nominate Holland by a mile, so the accusations that people have been spying on Holland's girlfriend on behalf of Sarkozy sound a lot more plausible.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 17:35 | 1751218 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Now, Segolene Royal accuses Sarkozy of manipulating the polls

Did anyone seriously think that Sarkozy, Merkel, Lagarde, Jeethner, or any of the other charade desperadoes wasn't a pole greaser?


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:27 | 1750214 kengland
kengland's picture

Do they not proof this shat? I would have been fired for including a slide so freaking stupid and destructive.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:39 | 1750515 Commander Cody
Commander Cody's picture

All is well when the 'additional measures' are considered - whatever they are.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:49 | 1750307 SAJ
SAJ's picture

Edd Widd lives.  Slide 9 from Outer Space.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:50 | 1750310 SAJ
SAJ's picture

Or Edd Wood, even.  Sheesh.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:11 | 1750135 boom goes the d...
boom goes the dynamite's picture

you can't make this shit up

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | 1750165 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

If you did, no one would believe you.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:29 | 1750742 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture



Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:29 | 1750219 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

If you did, you'd have to tell Liesman (so he could spread the word) or no one would believe you.  Well beyond funny!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 19:11 | 1751435 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

"you can't make this shit up"

YOU can't, but rich folks can....

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:16 | 1750136 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Au and Ag falling off a cliff. Margin hikes after the metal markets close?

BBVA has major presence in LatAm. That bank is about to go bust. Millions of savers will be fisted with a boxer.

That will mark the initiation of riots in Brazil. 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:17 | 1750161 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

Might just be forced liquidation.

Nothing to see here.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:24 | 1750196 Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

Stop looking at the spot price, the physical trading premiums will maintain

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:00 | 1750360 traderjoe
traderjoe's picture appears to be out of all their junk silver. They still claim 400k ounces in stock but a few items sold out.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | 1750167 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

Regarding Au & Ag, I think it might be the opposite, I think we see some PM bullish news over the weekend. Big time.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:31 | 1750198 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Looks like a repeat of Wed. on my charts.  From a higher price.  Not too concerned.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:44 | 1750292 fuu
fuu's picture

Did I miss the memo on the new meaning of "falling off a cliff" this week?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:46 | 1750297 buck4free
buck4free's picture

LOL. No Shit.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:31 | 1750752 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

Damn. That cliff cost me USD 0.59!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:49 | 1750309 sdmjake
sdmjake's picture

Falling off a cliff = back to where it was 8 weeks ago?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:12 | 1750139 Fips_OnTheSpot
Fips_OnTheSpot's picture


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:14 | 1750141 Timmay
Timmay's picture

The lies come so fast that they can no longer hide the truth. Shit is going down.


LOL! What does it "mean" to be on or near the bottom of this list Soc Gen?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | 1750160 BoGaVaNTe
BoGaVaNTe's picture

it means that your shit is also all over the place but it is not as liquid(no pun intended)

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:29 | 1750223 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Soon theyll start doing daily premarket and 15 minutes before close 'stress test results' to move the markets. Then after that it will be hourly stress tests.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:14 | 1750143 monopoly
monopoly's picture

And just when I thought I saw it all. And no one indicted yet.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:14 | 1750144 P Rankmug
P Rankmug's picture

No different than the Hindenburg being rated safest air travel in 1937.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:17 | 1750417 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

Was a Manchurian Franky singing: "Come Fry with me, Let's Fry, Let's Fry Away!" ??

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:14 | 1750146 Nawaralsaadi
Nawaralsaadi's picture

That was a good one :)

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:15 | 1750148 Sgt. Oddball
Sgt. Oddball's picture

In the current bizarro world economy that we have today this makes perfect sense.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:15 | 1750150 imaginalis
imaginalis's picture


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:16 | 1750155 Finnykins
Finnykins's picture

No fucking way :0 PAHAHAHAHA

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:16 | 1750156 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

No really it's not a turd! See, there is a cherry and some whipped cream on it! I mean, who would put whipped cream and a cherry on a turd!?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:19 | 1750427 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

A hedge fund manager's PR department on the coming performance report?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:17 | 1750162 nobusiness
nobusiness's picture

Please prepare for the daily short squeze.  Fundementals don't mean anything in the bailout world.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:27 | 1750212 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

The FED is probably done short squeezing their own shorts now....oops did I let the cat out of the bag?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:32 | 1750758 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

The FED is probably done short squeezing their own shorts now

Merkel and Sarkozy, on the other hand, have each just squeezed one out in their shorts.


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | 1750164 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Is that Dexia at the top? omg lololololol

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:18 | 1750166 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Told every bull this morning when they were commenting on release of the ADP and the next stop was S&P 1,300 to not be so confident and its all a big bull trap.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:22 | 1750183 Shock and Aweful
Shock and Aweful's picture


"They" just need to get a few more bagholders setup before the next move down.....




Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:51 | 1750319 topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

If I look around a table and cant figure out who the bagholder is.....

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:20 | 1750169 lemarche
lemarche's picture

What a joke !! And they call themselves "analysts"... Is that someone with analytical skills?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:21 | 1750170 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

I look at this bank lineup and this came right to mind....Bring out yer DEAD! But Im NOT dead! Dont worry, he'll be stone dead in a moment...

Monty Python Bring out Your Dead - YouTube

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:21 | 1750177 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

Oh shit, now Hitler has just found out what a mess things are.  Here comes trouble

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:22 | 1750184 Flounder
Flounder's picture

That's a typo.  Right?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:23 | 1750189 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I found a picture of the Bizzaro Bernank who is overseeing the banks:

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:23 | 1750192 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

If Dexia is best and it is first to fail,  (be admitted, arranged, allowed to fail)

then playing with the bulls at Pamplona would be nothing to the upcoming run in the streets of Europe.  To all of you folks, good luck and cover your blind spots.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:24 | 1750197 Jean
Jean's picture

How did they get those circles around the slide numbers?  Most important thing I learned from the stress tests

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:25 | 1750203 Sgt. Oddball
Sgt. Oddball's picture

So is this basically the EU's version of the Banker Dead Pool?  I wonder what the behind the scene odds are on who is next to get crossed of this death list.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:25 | 1750204 kaa1016
kaa1016's picture

You can not be serious. WTF!!! The financial system as we know will no longer exist in a few short months from now. We are looking at, in my opinion, a chance to make insane amounts of money taking the other side of the hopium trade. Also, Zerohedge is BY FAR the best website to get bullshit free information about the markets. Keep it up guys!!!!!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:55 | 1750336 J 457
J 457's picture

The question should be; what is the trade?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:05 | 1750622 s2man
s2man's picture

Cash for deflation, phys assets for inflation. 

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:25 | 1750205 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

I see RoboTrader is lurking on the thread, downgrading each of my comments as usual. So when ya gonna make your meaningless post which will have nothing to do with the article as usual?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:34 | 1750245 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

As usual, miners are being sold off at the first sign of trouble, as investors pile into LULU.  Oh wait, that's down 3.5%.  Nevermind.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:42 | 1750287 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

CMG (Chipote) will save us all... oh wait...never mind.


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:54 | 1750332 topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

Surely a dog of your stature would be worthy of many enemies. Why would you think you had just one?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:29 | 1750217 Silverhog
Silverhog's picture

Dexia must have so many cooked books they should open a bakery.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:32 | 1750233 UK debt marsh
UK debt marsh's picture

The First (Dexia's Midnight Bank Runners) shall be Last

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:33 | 1750241 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Ha.  It's more like Dexia's Midnight Robbers!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:33 | 1750242 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

So who, exactly, is in charge of marking this test on a curve?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:35 | 1750248 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

All is well again! Nevermind the IMF statements we're looking at Western World meltdown within days...Little Miss Manic/Depressive Market is running around the room jumping and throwing glitter in the air again! But in a couple minutes she'll be back huddled in the corner sobbing hopelessly again.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:37 | 1750263 hambone
hambone's picture

I like what you did there SD...lovely visuals

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:34 | 1750250 Mister Ponzi
Mister Ponzi's picture

Maybe some intern sorted the data in an Excel spreadsheet in reverse order and forgot to include the ranks in the sorting?

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:37 | 1750261 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

The Fed loan pipeline is making big veiny injections worldwide.  They will only leak the numbers when it serves their purpose.  When they do, they will remind you, "see, there was never anything to worry about.  We were on the job providing liquidity when we were supposed to."  And the hedgefunds will all go long.

I would bet the Fed has already made 10 trillion + in loans to banks and companies this month.  You know Buffet got some already.


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:42 | 1750283 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

very nice article zh

I suppose we should take a look at Banco Popolare given the apparent reverse sort order!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:43 | 1750290 centerline
centerline's picture

This one needs to be tucked for later use.  Classic.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:48 | 1750304 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Yeah, but they're WAY ahead of SocGen.  That's gotta be bullish...right?

What a bunch of fuk-ups!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:51 | 1750318 seek
seek's picture

Europe is toast, the rankings just determine how burned each bank is.

The BoE reveal yesterday was spot on, though maybe optimistic. Definitely going to have round two of the greatest show this month, I think.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:54 | 1750327 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture


Exclusive: Computer virus hits U.S. drone fleet A computer virus has infected the cockpits of America’s Predator and Reaper drones, logging pilots’ every keystroke as they remotely fly missions over Afghanistan and other warzones. 27 minutes ago
Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:08 | 1750387 fyrebird
fyrebird's picture

Hee hee. It's a small leap from logging key strokes to making them.

I sense a sci-fi thriller here. But we already have "Ender's Game" so perhaps I won't bother.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:11 | 1750394 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

yeah, new command, return to base. heh heh

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:54 | 1750330 SAME AS IT EVER WAS

Just when you thought you've seen it all....DAMN!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:56 | 1750340 Nascent_Variable
Nascent_Variable's picture

Slightly off topic, but it looks like Bank of America has been successfully hacked.

How can so many bad things happen to such a well-run bank?


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 13:58 | 1750345 willien1derland
willien1derland's picture

Ohhh you meant STRESS test....Ohhhh we thought you meant the banks which could not deal with ANY stress...but you do understand that Dexia has big buildings with many people who pretend to work their each & every day...If they did not go to 'work' where would they go? Wall Street Protest? - Send this to Liesman & Pisani at CNBC & get theyr reaction....PRICELESS

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:00 | 1750359 fyrebird
fyrebird's picture

This is what you do when you realize you went outside without any clothes on.

Fake it. Act like it isn't happening. Act like you did it on purpose.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:06 | 1750376 jdelano
jdelano's picture

I'm done with boxers.  Pisses myself laughing so many times here it's time to go commando before I go broke.  You really, really, really can't make this shit up.  

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:14 | 1750412 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

I think the euroland queers thought it was Dress Test as they start the planning for Fruity Rudy's annual cross-dressing bash.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:17 | 1750419 fastishplastic
fastishplastic's picture

i dare say that Dexia's viability is better than any other European bank given their first mover advantage.

BAC has a good point here with this slide, and Intensa has a (viable)ity chance if they get off their ass quickly and onto their knees like Dexia already has.

only the too big to beg will fail   

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:20 | 1750441 MrBoompi
MrBoompi's picture

"spreading destructive truths"


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:25 | 1750456 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Dexia is fine, really, just like AIG and WaMu and Enron and...

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:35 | 1750494 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

gotta love the foornotes (1) & (2) for the "stress" tests leading, ultimately to the all-important 2-year stress ratio "with additional measures" (rolling shit to other banks)!

remember when tyler would put up the "gamma-fied" euro-banskter charts a few months ago?  b4 they temporarily outlawed the short sales till they could figure out howta fend off disaster?  L0L!!! 

how can they fail? 

the CBs still have those inventions..., BiCheZ!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 14:48 | 1750558 Manny
Manny's picture

It sure feels surreal!

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:00 | 1750610 airedalesrule
airedalesrule's picture

No doubt their financial advisors assisted & reviewed the slide show...

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:06 | 1750630 s2man
s2man's picture


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 15:33 | 1750765 bill1102inf
bill1102inf's picture

I wonder if Obamalaise goes good on peas?????

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 16:07 | 1750945 The4thStooge
The4thStooge's picture

Final Destination banker style. The banks will die in reverse order starting with the top of the list.

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 19:16 | 1751446 CapTool
CapTool's picture

did Anyone look at slide 11. The leverage ratios. Does anyone know which banks those are. Those are frigging amazing

Fri, 10/07/2011 - 22:36 | 1752010 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

I was expecting something grotesquely funny and this still went beyond expectations.


Fri, 10/07/2011 - 23:44 | 1752113 Encroaching Darkness
Encroaching Darkness's picture

Hey, check out slide #38, where they are talking about their exposure to Greek debt:

"Impairment on bonds with maturity by 2020 based on expected loss of 21% with respect to securities classified under L&R and on market value for AFS securities"

If they are expecting to lose only 21% of their Greek loans, they are so delusional it's not even funny. Try 100%!

Oh well.



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