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Epic, Grotesquely Surreal Friday Humor
Yesterday, during a conference organized by Bank of America titled "Banking & Insurance CEO Conference", whose key purpose was to defend insolvent Italian banks such as Intesa Sanpaolo (which was downgraded the very same day by Moody's) against the evil market and people spreading destructive truths, something grotesquely surreal happened. Specifically, Slide 9 from the prepared slide-deck happened. "What is Slide 9" you ask? Basically, it is Intesa's core defense of its "viability" which presents the EBA Stress Test result, according to which its Core Tier 1 ranks "among the best under the adverse scenario." Who is the best? Seek and ye shall find. The rest, as they, say is epic history...
Red highlighting ours
h/t Paolo
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Hilarious indeed :-)
OMFG.
Somebody forgot to stress-test the stress-test.
Check that XLF. Wow.
MF down 9% bitches! Who's their counter party ?
Forget about France being downgraded by the rating agencies.
Sarkozy has just DEGRADED France to BANANA REPUBLIC status.
First he framed DSK with the hotel maid affair.
Now, Segolene Royal accuses Sarkozy of manipulating the polls:
http://www.tdg.ch/actu/monde/segolene-royal-accuse-sarkozy-manipuler-son...
Imagine Segolene Royal manipulating a pole.
Not that Sarkozy would be above such a thing, but I don't think Royal needs any help to be low in the polls. The PS is going to nominate Holland by a mile, so the accusations that people have been spying on Holland's girlfriend on behalf of Sarkozy sound a lot more plausible.
Did anyone seriously think that Sarkozy, Merkel, Lagarde, Jeethner, or any of the other charade desperadoes wasn't a pole greaser?
Do they not proof this shat? I would have been fired for including a slide so freaking stupid and destructive.
All is well when the 'additional measures' are considered - whatever they are.
Edd Widd lives. Slide 9 from Outer Space.
Or Edd Wood, even. Sheesh.
you can't make this shit up
If you did, no one would believe you.
+1
beautiful
If you did, you'd have to tell Liesman (so he could spread the word) or no one would believe you. Well beyond funny!
"you can't make this shit up"
YOU can't, but rich folks can....
http://songsofthegreatdepression.blogspot.com/
Au and Ag falling off a cliff. Margin hikes after the metal markets close?
BBVA has major presence in LatAm. That bank is about to go bust. Millions of savers will be fisted with a boxer.
That will mark the initiation of riots in Brazil.
Might just be forced liquidation.
Nothing to see here.
Stop looking at the spot price, the physical trading premiums will maintain
Tulving.com appears to be out of all their junk silver. They still claim 400k ounces in stock but a few items sold out.
Regarding Au & Ag, I think it might be the opposite, I think we see some PM bullish news over the weekend. Big time.
3rd chart down....so far so good.
http://www.clivemaund.com/article.php?art_id=68&PHPSESSID=de2ecf722aa01e...
http://songsofthegreatdepression.blogspot.com/
Looks like a repeat of Wed. on my charts. From a higher price. Not too concerned.
Did I miss the memo on the new meaning of "falling off a cliff" this week?
LOL. No Shit.
Damn. That cliff cost me USD 0.59!
Falling off a cliff = back to where it was 8 weeks ago?
LOL^2
The lies come so fast that they can no longer hide the truth. Shit is going down.
LOL! What does it "mean" to be on or near the bottom of this list Soc Gen?
it means that your shit is also all over the place but it is not as liquid(no pun intended)
Soon theyll start doing daily premarket and 15 minutes before close 'stress test results' to move the markets. Then after that it will be hourly stress tests.
And just when I thought I saw it all. And no one indicted yet.
No different than the Hindenburg being rated safest air travel in 1937.
Was a Manchurian Franky singing: "Come Fry with me, Let's Fry, Let's Fry Away!" ??
That was a good one :)
In the current bizarro world economy that we have today this makes perfect sense.
Priceless
No fucking way :0 PAHAHAHAHA
No really it's not a turd! See, there is a cherry and some whipped cream on it! I mean, who would put whipped cream and a cherry on a turd!?
A hedge fund manager's PR department on the coming performance report?
Please prepare for the daily short squeze. Fundementals don't mean anything in the bailout world.
The FED is probably done short squeezing their own shorts now....oops did I let the cat out of the bag?
Merkel and Sarkozy, on the other hand, have each just squeezed one out in their shorts.
Is that Dexia at the top? omg lololololol
Told every bull this morning when they were commenting on release of the ADP and the next stop was S&P 1,300 to not be so confident and its all a big bull trap.
Right...
"They" just need to get a few more bagholders setup before the next move down.....
If I look around a table and cant figure out who the bagholder is.....
What a joke !! And they call themselves "analysts"... Is that someone with analytical skills?
I look at this bank lineup and this came right to mind....Bring out yer DEAD! But Im NOT dead! Dont worry, he'll be stone dead in a moment...
Monty Python Bring out Your Dead - YouTube
Oh shit, now Hitler has just found out what a mess things are. Here comes trouble http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-ixJFOTx2M&feature=related
That's a typo. Right?
I found a picture of the Bizzaro Bernank who is overseeing the banks:
http://www.trevoroldak.com/uploads/Bizzaro.jpg
If Dexia is best and it is first to fail, (be admitted, arranged, allowed to fail)
then playing with the bulls at Pamplona would be nothing to the upcoming run in the streets of Europe. To all of you folks, good luck and cover your blind spots.
How did they get those circles around the slide numbers? Most important thing I learned from the stress tests
So is this basically the EU's version of the Banker Dead Pool? I wonder what the behind the scene odds are on who is next to get crossed of this death list.
You can not be serious. WTF!!! The financial system as we know will no longer exist in a few short months from now. We are looking at, in my opinion, a chance to make insane amounts of money taking the other side of the hopium trade. Also, Zerohedge is BY FAR the best website to get bullshit free information about the markets. Keep it up guys!!!!!
The question should be; what is the trade?
Cash for deflation, phys assets for inflation.
I see RoboTrader is lurking on the thread, downgrading each of my comments as usual. So when ya gonna make your meaningless post which will have nothing to do with the article as usual?
As usual, miners are being sold off at the first sign of trouble, as investors pile into LULU. Oh wait, that's down 3.5%. Nevermind.
CMG (Chipote) will save us all... oh wait...never mind.
Surely a dog of your stature would be worthy of many enemies. Why would you think you had just one?
Dexia must have so many cooked books they should open a bakery.
The First (Dexia's Midnight Bank Runners) shall be Last
Ha. It's more like Dexia's Midnight Robbers!
So who, exactly, is in charge of marking this test on a curve?
All is well again! Nevermind the IMF statements we're looking at Western World meltdown within days...Little Miss Manic/Depressive Market is running around the room jumping and throwing glitter in the air again! But in a couple minutes she'll be back huddled in the corner sobbing hopelessly again.
I like what you did there SD...lovely visuals
Maybe some intern sorted the data in an Excel spreadsheet in reverse order and forgot to include the ranks in the sorting?
The Fed loan pipeline is making big veiny injections worldwide. They will only leak the numbers when it serves their purpose. When they do, they will remind you, "see, there was never anything to worry about. We were on the job providing liquidity when we were supposed to." And the hedgefunds will all go long.
I would bet the Fed has already made 10 trillion + in loans to banks and companies this month. You know Buffet got some already.
very nice article zh
I suppose we should take a look at Banco Popolare given the apparent reverse sort order!
This one needs to be tucked for later use. Classic.
Yeah, but they're WAY ahead of SocGen. That's gotta be bullish...right?
What a bunch of fuk-ups!
Europe is toast, the rankings just determine how burned each bank is.
The BoE reveal yesterday was spot on, though maybe optimistic. Definitely going to have round two of the greatest show this month, I think.
Exclusive: Computer virus hits U.S. drone fleet http://bit.ly/qwnzxd A computer virus has infected the cockpits of America’s Predator and Reaper drones, logging pilots’ every keystroke as they remotely fly missions over Afghanistan and other warzones. 27 minutes ago
Hee hee. It's a small leap from logging key strokes to making them.
I sense a sci-fi thriller here. But we already have "Ender's Game" so perhaps I won't bother.
yeah, new command, return to base. heh heh
Just when you thought you've seen it all....DAMN!
Slightly off topic, but it looks like Bank of America has been successfully hacked.
http://www.wtsp.com/news/local/article/214272/8/Bank-of-America-debit-ca...
How can so many bad things happen to such a well-run bank?
/sarc
Ohhh you meant STRESS test....Ohhhh we thought you meant the banks which could not deal with ANY stress...but you do understand that Dexia has big buildings with many people who pretend to work their each & every day...If they did not go to 'work' where would they go? Wall Street Protest? - Send this to Liesman & Pisani at CNBC & get theyr reaction....PRICELESS
This is what you do when you realize you went outside without any clothes on.
Fake it. Act like it isn't happening. Act like you did it on purpose.
I'm done with boxers. Pisses myself laughing so many times here it's time to go commando before I go broke. You really, really, really can't make this shit up.
I think the euroland queers thought it was Dress Test as they start the planning for Fruity Rudy's annual cross-dressing bash.
i dare say that Dexia's viability is better than any other European bank given their first mover advantage.
BAC has a good point here with this slide, and Intensa has a (viable)ity chance if they get off their ass quickly and onto their knees like Dexia already has.
only the too big to beg will fail
"spreading destructive truths"
Priceless!
Dexia is fine, really, just like AIG and WaMu and Enron and...
gotta love the foornotes (1) & (2) for the "stress" tests leading, ultimately to the all-important 2-year stress ratio "with additional measures" (rolling shit to other banks)!
remember when tyler would put up the "gamma-fied" euro-banskter charts a few months ago? b4 they temporarily outlawed the short sales till they could figure out howta fend off disaster? L0L!!!
how can they fail?
the CBs still have those inventions..., BiCheZ!
It sure feels surreal!
No doubt their financial advisors assisted & reviewed the slide show...
LMAO
I wonder if Obamalaise goes good on peas?????
Final Destination banker style. The banks will die in reverse order starting with the top of the list.
did Anyone look at slide 11. The leverage ratios. Does anyone know which banks those are. Those are frigging amazing
I was expecting something grotesquely funny and this still went beyond expectations.
Wow.
Hey, check out slide #38, where they are talking about their exposure to Greek debt:
"Impairment on bonds with maturity by 2020 based on expected loss of 21% with respect to securities classified under L&R and on market value for AFS securities"
If they are expecting to lose only 21% of their Greek loans, they are so delusional it's not even funny. Try 100%!
Oh well.
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