Europe Goes Full Bailout Retard: EFSF Rescue Capital To Be Officially Double-Counted

Tyler Durden's picture

Europe has officially entered the Tropic Thunder zone, where one, forget one thousand , monkeys armed with one simple solar-powered calculator, can come up with a better plan than (JP Morgan-advised) Europe. Because as we pointed out on Thursday, "nothing changes the fact that with €100 billion set aside for bank recaps, a woefully low number and one which will do nothing to assure investors that banks have sufficient capital, there is still not enough cash to "guarantee" all future issuance" - well it appears that Europe finally did the math which led us to conclude that the EFSF is DOA. So what is Europe's solution? Why double counting aid already pledged of course: "EU bank plan may include aid already pledged to bailout states-sources." Uh, what? "A drive to lift bank capital across Europe by up to 110 billion euros ($153 billion) is expected to include the roughly 46 billion euros already pledged to Ireland, Greece and Portugal to help their lenders, EU sources told Reuters....Another official confirmed the intention to count money already earmarked for banks in Ireland, Greece and Portugal in any recapitalisation plan. "The problem with shock and awe numbers is that it implies that the money is there," said one official, reflecting on ministers' reluctance to set public goals for recapitalisation. "But governments don't have the money."... Just as was repeated here over and over and over and over... And yes, that red stuff shooting out of the place where your head was a few second ago, is blood. It is now Europe's official "plan" (for at least the next 2-3 hours) to use mystical, magical money, which is somehow double-counted to bail out both a bank and a country at the same time...


If over a third of the EU's bank recapitalisation drive, which investors hoped would inject more than 100 billion euros of fresh money, is accounted for under old bailout programmes markets are likely to react with disappointment.


It would effectively shrink the overall package, designed to protect EU banks from the fallout of a Greek default and ease their borrowing difficulties amid a creeping credit freeze, from more than 100 billion euros to something around 60 billion.


It would also rest the burden for EU bank recapitalisation in large part on Spain, Italy and France, which one official said together accounted for roughly 45 percent of the overall shortfall found in recent checks of EU banks by supervisors.


The matter is due to be discussed in the run-up to Wednesday's second summit of European leaders and countries may yet change tack to increase the planned boost for banks.


Well, it's official: the lunatics have taken over the Titanic.

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Unprepared's picture

So the plan is to leverage up double-counted non-existent guarantee money to stave off a solvency, err ... liquidity problem?



NumNutt's picture

This plan is kind of like saying "Since there are blank checks in my check book, there must be money in my account to spend!" Wow, they must think the general EURO population are complete idiots, was this one of Timmy's ideas?

Spitzer's picture

You ever think they want to half ass it and let it liquidate ?

knukles's picture

In all fairness, the Europeans are no different from the Yanks with respect to either beingst awares of or comprehending the implications of what seems to be well and truly happening.
Most are similarly captives of their own MSM.  No difference.
The major difference between the thems and usses is that we denzins of ZH-land Like This Kind of News and Topics.  We Thrive upon Them.  We believe Them to be Important.  The rest of the world, whether here or there or anywhere, call them "normies" as we're the exceptions to the rule, either don't know nor really give 2 shits. 
It's us versus them normies fearless leaders, trying to figure out how to adapt, to survive....
Like SD mentions... they don't care.  J
ust as we know ours don't care.

FL_Conservative's picture

It only works until the first check bounces.

Real Money Wins's picture

In theory Yes, but in fact the bank will cash multiple bad checks under the premise if it pays the funds out it can then go back to the issuer and demand the currency along with Non-Sufficient Funds and Overdraft fees. They will generally go for about 10 to 15 bad checks before they cut them off. Then they begin adding the daily account in overdraft status fees that compound the problem and increasing the amount owed. The whole time actually thinking they will really get the money from those who obviously don't have it! Hooray for paper they say until they don't get paid! Then it's Hey Taxpayer can you help me out again!!!

TK7936's picture

Seriously doesnt anybody get it. The Markets are exactly as retarded as they have to be to buy on this shit. Merkozy knows this, they dont care about non existing Problems, this is all a Market Show.

bernorange's picture

You know... This is a great idea.  I think I shall inform my bank that I am going to double count all the money I have too.  They should adjust their accounting accordingly.

toady's picture


I just sent the bank an email. I'll refresh every minute waiting for a response.

Piranhanoia's picture

I just bought a small solar panel farm and part of a forest. It was easy.  I'm going shopping for an electric tractor now.

CrazyCooter's picture

I hope your +3 (and growing obviously) are sarcasm.

Sarcasm; that I can believe in ... but your delivery sir ... dry, very dry.



Everyman's picture

NO we all just ought to tell these Governments that are considering this that also OUR TAXES we PAID ARE DOUBLED.


That ought to fix the problem.  We get almost as much as we paid in as a "refund".



CrazyCooter's picture

Actually, funny you should mention that ... the government is on top if it!

Oh, except double means half, but its glass half empty, glass half full right?

Surely you on the side of the ... government.



midtowng's picture

I can see the problem with Europe's plan: they aren't going big enough!

Why stop at double-counting? Why not triple-counting?

Why not counting the money over and over again until you come up with whatever number the market wants?

You guys just don't think big enough!


UP Forester's picture

But, but, if you're counting a folded wad of notes you take out of your jeans' pocket, front-to-back, you only double your money!

OR, if you flip the wad inside-out, you can have 4 times the money!

Yeah!  Yeah!  That's the ticket!

nmewn's picture

Your're right bernorange...I just double counted all my assets and it turns out I'm pretty well off...I plan on recounting tommorow and becoming rich!!!

Muddy1's picture

LMAO, I tried it on Friday, the didn't think it was funny.  I decided to leave the bank before the cops showed up.

Seriously, why is this so surprising?  The US has done things just as stupid ever since the FED came into existence.







css1971's picture

You say that almost like you expect there to be a problem.

I promise you, the market will love it.

css1971's picture

And here we are:


Markets up. Doesn't matter if it'll work, the can has as you say met foot. The problems are now someone elses problems.


DCFusor's picture

Sure it does.  The banks ARE the country.  Who runs things, again?  Who bails out whom?  Wouldn't you say those who wind up with all the money - printed or taken by force, are those in power?  So if the banks are fine, so are the countries, according to the banks anyway, and what other opinion matters in fact?

LeonardoFibonacci's picture

Even Simple Jack knoews you never go full retard!

vast-dom's picture

You mean ultra FUCKTARD?


Postponing the inevitable and ultimately magnifying the disaster -- way to wind up the great unwind!



tickhound's picture

I was gonna say... Not sure full retard's the floor.

bigun's picture

might as well triple, no wait, quadriple, no wait x1000000000000000000 count it

bail out fund > 9000 TRILLION

we are saved

midtowng's picture

Exactly what I was suggesting.

NOW you are thinking like a politician!

CrazyCooter's picture

Yeah ... but then they realize their hooker-and-blow cost 1000000000000000 ... then they are sad ...

Oh, and their constituents burn them at a pyre, mostly because they are hungry. Sort of like a redneck pig roast ... 'cept their ain't no road kill ... I 'suppose we could call it budget kill ...

Don't mean to be eatin' people ya'll, just callin' out the pol's and the damage they be doin' to their constituents. Workin' folks gotta' eat, ya' know ...



Hephasteus's picture

Full Retard is what the world owners have been doing forever. This is people figuring out they are just here to work at the hotel. And the end of mints on the pillows or clean sheets or couches without piss on them.

Stoploss's picture

Like i always say, if you are going to go retard, go FULL RETARD, don't hold back.

Alhough, might want to keep that amongst the adults, as my six year old suggested that to his first

grade teacher the other day, which resulted in a veritable shitstorm when i picked him up from school.

My response was uncontrollable laughter.. Of course.

Everyman's picture

I think is getting increasing clear that just shooting the FUCKTARDS will save the entire world a helluva lot of money.  I mean this is getting downright fucking stupid.  IF the markets go up on this again, then it is time to really in real life just killing these fucking useless greedy corrupt pricks.

CrazyCooter's picture

Sadly, it will be a historic starvation.

Nations with significant military resources (i.e. nukes) will have a small minor population that is "spared" (in exchange for securing of said weapons), but by and large, in 10 years I expect a dramatically smaller global population. Even if nukes are unsecured, the likelihood of a a rogue getting a long range delivery system is small. I genuinely expect to see entire regions starved out of existence across the globe.

If you are planning to breathe air in 10 years, you are about to live through the most brutal human situation in the history of our species.

I don't want to be this negative, I just don't see another "out" with odds worth a shit.



Piranhanoia's picture

Full Fucktard is much more polite and appropriate than retard. thank you

Buck Johnson's picture

It's like somebody dying, they are clinging to every second of live when they know that it's going to happen.  They know that the EU will be defunct and the Euro also, but they are afraid because it will change the power of europe.

Black Friday's picture

Stupid is as stupid does :p


Edit: spelin

Sudden Debt's picture

Whenever i think you couldn't do anything more stupid than this, you pull something like to me....

Bobbyrib's picture

I like this one from Dumb and Dumber better:

Harry: Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Duuude's picture


I do not think that the math that they use means what they think that it means.


css1971's picture

Politicians are so used to double counting money they think that's how things are supposed to work.

kaiserhoff's picture

So much depends on what the meaning of "is" is.  Odervice, ve are zimplly filling our depends;)

Sudden Debt's picture

It was that one that i meanth :)

It's a classic, and i love it :)

Big Slick's picture

This one from Dummer has relevance to the coming US meltdown:

Loyd (asking why Harry felt safe risking his life wearing a bullet-proof vest):  "What if they shot you in the face?"

Harry (to the Feds):  "Yeah, what if they shot me in the face?"

Feds:  "That was a risk we were willing to take."


"Hey Ben, What if overseas Treasury holders started dumping their bonds?"...

Hephasteus's picture

It's nice watching history. What was that called. Operaton steal enough to get us to 2000.

Randall Cabot's picture

EUR/USD has reversed and is now higher.

bob_dabolina's picture

It takes a couple hours for the market to digest triple upside down reverse psychology 

Belarus's picture

Ah....Bob, the HFT's never wake up. And the market isn't a market. You can't start from a false paradigm. 

Belarus's picture

Of course the EUR/USD is higher. Perhaps the market has become the ultimate discounting machine and is factoring in LSAP knowing full well the USA won't allow the status-quo to implode just yet...

And the market would be right. Problem is, how is the world does Ben do LSAP while assets across the spectrum are already melting-up and all appears well in America (Just read Robotraders post or look around you, Americans are living large right now as every football stadium nearly sold out this weekend--College and Pro, while the world series in lighting up the American Spirit).

The one good thing: there's going to be some serious light at the end of the tunnel by the time this week is over. 

ViewfromUndertheBridge's picture

the ONLY liquidity is USD from the Fed...desperate Euro banks get it via swaps, sell USD buy Euro. Euro goes up...hey, confidence!

When you hear, repeatedly, that markets are attention. Broken markets send out false signals...

Until markets re-assert themselves.