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Europe Goes Full Bailout Retard: EFSF Rescue Capital To Be Officially Double-Counted

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Europe has officially entered the Tropic Thunder zone, where one, forget one thousand , monkeys armed with one simple solar-powered calculator, can come up with a better plan than (JP Morgan-advised) Europe. Because as we pointed out on Thursday, "nothing changes the fact that with €100 billion set aside for bank recaps, a woefully low number and one which will do nothing to assure investors that banks have sufficient capital, there is still not enough cash to "guarantee" all future issuance" - well it appears that Europe finally did the math which led us to conclude that the EFSF is DOA. So what is Europe's solution? Why double counting aid already pledged of course: "EU bank plan may include aid already pledged to bailout states-sources." Uh, what? "A drive to lift bank capital across Europe by up to 110 billion euros ($153 billion) is expected to include the roughly 46 billion euros already pledged to Ireland, Greece and Portugal to help their lenders, EU sources told Reuters....Another official confirmed the intention to count money already earmarked for banks in Ireland, Greece and Portugal in any recapitalisation plan. "The problem with shock and awe numbers is that it implies that the money is there," said one official, reflecting on ministers' reluctance to set public goals for recapitalisation. "But governments don't have the money."... Just as was repeated here over and over and over and over... And yes, that red stuff shooting out of the place where your head was a few second ago, is blood. It is now Europe's official "plan" (for at least the next 2-3 hours) to use mystical, magical money, which is somehow double-counted to bail out both a bank and a country at the same time...

Ugh:

If over a third of the EU's bank recapitalisation drive, which investors hoped would inject more than 100 billion euros of fresh money, is accounted for under old bailout programmes markets are likely to react with disappointment.

 

It would effectively shrink the overall package, designed to protect EU banks from the fallout of a Greek default and ease their borrowing difficulties amid a creeping credit freeze, from more than 100 billion euros to something around 60 billion.

 

It would also rest the burden for EU bank recapitalisation in large part on Spain, Italy and France, which one official said together accounted for roughly 45 percent of the overall shortfall found in recent checks of EU banks by supervisors.

 

The matter is due to be discussed in the run-up to Wednesday's second summit of European leaders and countries may yet change tack to increase the planned boost for banks.

...

Well, it's official: the lunatics have taken over the Titanic.

 

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Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:05 | 1802603 Mongo
Mongo's picture

You are correct, it does not compute - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieuBkWHfCuc

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:35 | 1802701 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

So the plan is to leverage up double-counted non-existent guarantee money to stave off a solvency, err ... liquidity problem?

 

Brilliant

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:41 | 1802718 NumNutt
NumNutt's picture

This plan is kind of like saying "Since there are blank checks in my check book, there must be money in my account to spend!" Wow, they must think the general EURO population are complete idiots, was this one of Timmy's ideas?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:06 | 1802894 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

You ever think they want to half ass it and let it liquidate ?

http://freegoldobserver.blogspot.com/2011_09_01_archive.html

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:47 | 1802965 knukles
knukles's picture

In all fairness, the Europeans are no different from the Yanks with respect to either beingst awares of or comprehending the implications of what seems to be well and truly happening.
Most are similarly captives of their own MSM.  No difference.
The major difference between the thems and usses is that we denzins of ZH-land Like This Kind of News and Topics.  We Thrive upon Them.  We believe Them to be Important.  The rest of the world, whether here or there or anywhere, call them "normies" as we're the exceptions to the rule, either don't know nor really give 2 shits. 
It's us versus them normies fearless leaders, trying to figure out how to adapt, to survive....
Like SD mentions... they don't care.  J
ust as we know ours don't care.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:56 | 1802977 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

It only works until the first check bounces.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 21:09 | 1803111 Real Money Wins
Real Money Wins's picture

In theory Yes, but in fact the bank will cash multiple bad checks under the premise if it pays the funds out it can then go back to the issuer and demand the currency along with Non-Sufficient Funds and Overdraft fees. They will generally go for about 10 to 15 bad checks before they cut them off. Then they begin adding the daily account in overdraft status fees that compound the problem and increasing the amount owed. The whole time actually thinking they will really get the money from those who obviously don't have it! Hooray for paper they say until they don't get paid! Then it's Hey Taxpayer can you help me out again!!!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 22:00 | 1803205 TK7936
TK7936's picture

Seriously doesnt anybody get it. The Markets are exactly as retarded as they have to be to buy on this shit. Merkozy knows this, they dont care about non existing Problems, this is all a Market Show.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:43 | 1802722 bernorange
bernorange's picture

You know... This is a great idea.  I think I shall inform my bank that I am going to double count all the money I have too.  They should adjust their accounting accordingly.

www.pmbug.com

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:04 | 1802781 toady
toady's picture

+1

I just sent the bank an email. I'll refresh every minute waiting for a response.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:59 | 1802883 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

I just bought a small solar panel farm and part of a forest. It was easy.  I'm going shopping for an electric tractor now.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 20:34 | 1803065 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

I hope your +3 (and growing obviously) are sarcasm.

Sarcasm; that I can believe in ... but your delivery sir ... dry, very dry.

Regards,

Cooter

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:37 | 1802845 Everyman
Everyman's picture

NO we all just ought to tell these Governments that are considering this that also OUR TAXES we PAID ARE DOUBLED.

 

That ought to fix the problem.  We get almost as much as we paid in as a "refund".

 

GREAT!!!!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 20:37 | 1803069 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

Actually, funny you should mention that ... the government is on top if it!

Oh, except double means half, but its glass half empty, glass half full right?

Surely you on the side of the ... government.

Regards,

Cooter

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:41 | 1802856 midtowng
midtowng's picture

I can see the problem with Europe's plan: they aren't going big enough!

Why stop at double-counting? Why not triple-counting?

Why not counting the money over and over again until you come up with whatever number the market wants?

You guys just don't think big enough!

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 22:41 | 1803283 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

But, but, if you're counting a folded wad of notes you take out of your jeans' pocket, front-to-back, you only double your money!

OR, if you flip the wad inside-out, you can have 4 times the money!

Yeah!  Yeah!  That's the ticket!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:43 | 1802864 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Your're right bernorange...I just double counted all my assets and it turns out I'm pretty well off...I plan on recounting tommorow and becoming rich!!!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 20:00 | 1802989 Muddy1
Muddy1's picture

LMAO, I tried it on Friday, the didn't think it was funny.  I decided to leave the bank before the cops showed up.

Seriously, why is this so surprising?  The US has done things just as stupid ever since the FED came into existence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:01 | 1802772 css1971
css1971's picture

You say that almost like you expect there to be a problem.

I promise you, the market will love it.

Mon, 10/24/2011 - 04:07 | 1803615 css1971
css1971's picture

And here we are:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-15426510

 

Markets up. Doesn't matter if it'll work, the can has as you say met foot. The problems are now someone elses problems.

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:17 | 1802809 jesus_quintana
jesus_quintana's picture

Two girls, one cup.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:45 | 1802962 Triggernometry
Triggernometry's picture

"Diineelaaaaaaand!!!"

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:40 | 1802716 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

Sure it does.  The banks ARE the country.  Who runs things, again?  Who bails out whom?  Wouldn't you say those who wind up with all the money - printed or taken by force, are those in power?  So if the banks are fine, so are the countries, according to the banks anyway, and what other opinion matters in fact?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:47 | 1802736 LeonardoFibonacci
LeonardoFibonacci's picture

Even Simple Jack knoews you never go full retard!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:06 | 1802604 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

You mean ultra FUCKTARD?

 

Postponing the inevitable and ultimately magnifying the disaster -- way to wind up the great unwind!

 

FUCKTARDS ALL ABOARD!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:26 | 1802671 tickhound
tickhound's picture

I was gonna say... Not sure full retard's the floor.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:35 | 1802705 bigun
bigun's picture

might as well triple, no wait, quadriple, no wait x1000000000000000000 count it

bail out fund > 9000 TRILLION

we are saved

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:43 | 1802863 midtowng
midtowng's picture

Exactly what I was suggesting.

NOW you are thinking like a politician!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 20:47 | 1803087 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

Yeah ... but then they realize their hooker-and-blow cost 1000000000000000 ... then they are sad ...

Oh, and their constituents burn them at a pyre, mostly because they are hungry. Sort of like a redneck pig roast ... 'cept their ain't no road kill ... I 'suppose we could call it budget kill ...

Don't mean to be eatin' people ya'll, just callin' out the pol's and the damage they be doin' to their constituents. Workin' folks gotta' eat, ya' know ...

Regards,

Cooter

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:50 | 1802744 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

Full Retard is what the world owners have been doing forever. This is people figuring out they are just here to work at the hotel. And the end of mints on the pillows or clean sheets or couches without piss on them.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:17 | 1802914 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Like i always say, if you are going to go retard, go FULL RETARD, don't hold back.

Alhough, might want to keep that amongst the adults, as my six year old suggested that to his first

grade teacher the other day, which resulted in a veritable shitstorm when i picked him up from school.

My response was uncontrollable laughter.. Of course.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:40 | 1802852 Everyman
Everyman's picture

I think is getting increasing clear that just shooting the FUCKTARDS will save the entire world a helluva lot of money.  I mean this is getting downright fucking stupid.  IF the markets go up on this again, then it is time to really in real life just killing these fucking useless greedy corrupt pricks.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 20:53 | 1803099 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

Sadly, it will be a historic starvation.

Nations with significant military resources (i.e. nukes) will have a small minor population that is "spared" (in exchange for securing of said weapons), but by and large, in 10 years I expect a dramatically smaller global population. Even if nukes are unsecured, the likelihood of a a rogue getting a long range delivery system is small. I genuinely expect to see entire regions starved out of existence across the globe.

If you are planning to breathe air in 10 years, you are about to live through the most brutal human situation in the history of our species.

I don't want to be this negative, I just don't see another "out" with odds worth a shit.

Regards,

Cooter

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:02 | 1802885 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Full Fucktard is much more polite and appropriate than retard. thank you

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:35 | 1802942 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

It's like somebody dying, they are clinging to every second of live when they know that it's going to happen.  They know that the EU will be defunct and the Euro also, but they are afraid because it will change the power of europe.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:06 | 1802605 Black Friday
Black Friday's picture

Stupid is as stupid does :p

 

Edit: spelin

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:16 | 1802638 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Whenever i think you couldn't do anything more stupid than this, you pull something like to me....
I LOVE IT! iT'S GREAT!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:32 | 1802690 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

I like this one from Dumb and Dumber better:

Harry: Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:46 | 1802731 Duuude
Duuude's picture

 

I do not think that the math that they use means what they think that it means.

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:04 | 1802780 css1971
css1971's picture

Politicians are so used to double counting money they think that's how things are supposed to work.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:39 | 1802848 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

So much depends on what the meaning of "is" is.  Odervice, ve are zimplly filling our depends;)

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:47 | 1802737 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

It was that one that i meanth :)

It's a classic, and i love it :)

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 21:44 | 1803167 Big Slick
Big Slick's picture

This one from Dummer has relevance to the coming US meltdown:

Loyd (asking why Harry felt safe risking his life wearing a bullet-proof vest):  "What if they shot you in the face?"

Harry (to the Feds):  "Yeah, what if they shot me in the face?"

Feds:  "That was a risk we were willing to take."

 

"Hey Ben, What if overseas Treasury holders started dumping their bonds?"...

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:52 | 1802748 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

It's nice watching history. What was that called. Operaton steal enough to get us to 2000.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:06 | 1802606 Randall Cabot
Randall Cabot's picture

EUR/USD has reversed and is now higher.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:14 | 1802634 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

It takes a couple hours for the market to digest triple upside down reverse psychology 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:25 | 1802668 Belarus
Belarus's picture

Ah....Bob, the HFT's never wake up. And the market isn't a market. You can't start from a false paradigm. 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:19 | 1802648 Belarus
Belarus's picture

Of course the EUR/USD is higher. Perhaps the market has become the ultimate discounting machine and is factoring in LSAP knowing full well the USA won't allow the status-quo to implode just yet...

And the market would be right. Problem is, how is the world does Ben do LSAP while assets across the spectrum are already melting-up and all appears well in America (Just read Robotraders post or look around you, Americans are living large right now as every football stadium nearly sold out this weekend--College and Pro, while the world series in lighting up the American Spirit).

The one good thing: there's going to be some serious light at the end of the tunnel by the time this week is over. 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:37 | 1802843 ViewfromUnderth...
ViewfromUndertheBridge's picture

the ONLY liquidity is USD from the Fed...desperate Euro banks get it via swaps, sell USD buy Euro. Euro goes up...hey, confidence!

When you hear, repeatedly, that markets are broken...pay attention. Broken markets send out false signals...

Until markets re-assert themselves.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:06 | 1802893 Silver Alert
Silver Alert's picture

That light is one big freakin train headed this way.  You better turn and run like the dickens.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:42 | 1802720 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

They love it. You knew they would, you just knew it.

Mon, 10/24/2011 - 04:00 | 1803609 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

EUR/USD to 1.45 during the "Ode to Joy" that accompanies the final glorious Europe bailout "final solution" on Wednesday.  LOL.  

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:07 | 1802609 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

HAHA!!!

We can all do this with our taxes right?

Uh..already paid that last year.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:08 | 1802619 oogs66
oogs66's picture

wait til CNBS tells stocks that they can lever up the double counted money!  off to the races

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:07 | 1802610 oogs66
oogs66's picture

They miss the days where they could just say they were making plans.  This whole having to create details for plans is a real pain.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:07 | 1802611 X.inf.capt
X.inf.capt's picture

just pull the pug already...

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:07 | 1802612 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Smart people are leaving europe by the droves.

Full scale war about to break out.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:12 | 1802627 Terminus C
Terminus C's picture

yep.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:19 | 1802645 falak pema
falak pema's picture

smart people are leaving europe to go to Ws to join/watch the fun. Full scale war about to break out.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:21 | 1802655 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

lol...going where? Tunisia?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 22:04 | 1803217 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture

I heard Greeks were leaving en masse to Canada and Australia.  I think it was on NPR.  The Canadian office in charge of VISAS were so bogged down with correspondence, they were trying to push the load onto the Canadian consulate/embassy in Greece.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:22 | 1802658 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

Arch-Dukes must be really shitting in their huggies.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:31 | 1802689 littleguy
littleguy's picture

We've got no air-dropped nukes. No aircraft carriers. Tired out infantry / armoured divisions. No cash. Fat and lazy youth unsuitable for drafting or any type of work. We could be shafted. Make that, ARE shafted.

God Save the Queen 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:32 | 1802691 littleguy
littleguy's picture

I'm Bullish, going long btw

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:18 | 1802803 agent default
agent default's picture

Yep. It's gonna be trenches, wire and machine guns all  the way baby.  Just like the good old days.  Long the gas, here we go!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 22:55 | 1803312 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

So THAT'S why they trained us combat engineers to still breach wire with bangalores....

And here I thought "That's SO, like WWIish...."

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:42 | 1802861 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

Britz will figure out a way when pressed.  Grunts will get a spot-o' rest and be good to go. - Ned

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:44 | 1802958 Iam Rich
Iam Rich's picture

Umm...the German army is "unionized".  Not sure about this war thingie.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:49 | 1802743 DosZap
DosZap's picture

Ahmeexnal

Smart people are leaving europe by the droves.

Pray tell where are they going???...................

Also, who is going to war with who over there?.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:23 | 1802818 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

You versus You

SSDD

It's the show, baby!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:26 | 1802824 sabra1
sabra1's picture

hey! let's go to canada! their real estate never goes down! if ya'll knows where canada is at!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:32 | 1802828 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Switzerland will remain neutral in this war (as in the previous ones).  Many will line up trying to cross into CH. Switzerland will once again be a safe haven and so will it's currency.

Many have been going to LatAm, Africa, India and SE Asia. They believe their euros will last longer there.  That will be true, until the euro hyperinflates. Then they'll be left holding a bagfull of shit.  At least they'll survive.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 20:01 | 1802990 Auroch
Auroch's picture

> > Smart people are leaving europe by the droves.

Yeah, that's right, swarms of peops fleeing to free-market fully-deregulated Somalia, wide-open Siberia, open-society Asia, politically stable America-Sud, and good ole' rootin'-tootin' aint-habeas-no-darn-corpus U SS of Amen.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 22:14 | 1803239 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

i'm in Europe awaiting the carnage ...be assured the place is huge, the open spaces near empty and the only rioting is going to be in built-up urban areas (hopefully 100% targeting bankers and Govt buildings)

another 20% off rental prices are more than welcome.. the prices in Marbella, Cannes and London are still sky high ...there won't be any war either, we've enough going on in Arabia and Asia to bankrupt our Defence Departments already

Bring on Hell... the cleansing of the rotten from the system is very welcome

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:07 | 1802613 max2205
max2205's picture

That was unexpected. WHAAAAAT!?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:07 | 1802614 maxmad
maxmad's picture

This should be good for a 40 handle drop in the S$P!  Collapse, bitchez!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:20 | 1802652 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

Should

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:28 | 1802681 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Exactly.  Funny thing about collapses, first reality must be accepted.  Until then, we can go much higher.  Think about it this way, the Greek one year bond is now yielding 160%.  It simply must be true, right, otherwise it would be listed right there in black and white as one of my investment options.  One thing is for sure, we are all about to get a lot "richer".

Mon, 10/24/2011 - 00:39 | 1803450 lano1106
lano1106's picture

1 year greek bond 183%

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:08 | 1802616 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

BOFA predicting another US downgrade within weeks.

http://www.businessinsider.com/huge-prediction-from-bofa-another-us-debt...

In an analyst note, Bofa/ML Ethan S. Harris drops a bit of a bombshell prediction:

We expect a moderate slowdown in the beginning of next year, as two small policy shocks—another debt downgrade and fiscal tightening—hit the economy. The “not-so-super” Deficit Commission is very unlikely to come up with a credible deficit-reduction plan. The committee is more divided than the overall Congress. Since the fall-back plan is sharp cuts in discretionary spending, the whole point of the Committee is to put taxes and entitlements on the table. However, all the Republican members have signed the Norquist “no taxes” pledge and with taxes off the table it is hard to imagine the liberal Democrats on the Committee agreeing to significant entitlement cuts. The credit rating agencies have strongly suggested that further rating cuts are likely if Congress does not come up with a credible long-run plan. Hence, we expect at least one credit downgrade in late November or early December when the super Committee crashes.

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:29 | 1802683 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Let me know when the predict their own collapses - yawn.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:08 | 1802617 CClarity
CClarity's picture

"The problem with shock and awe numbers is that it implies that the money is there," said one official, reflecting on ministers' reluctance to set public goals for recapitalisation. "But governments don't have the money."... 

There is nothing else to say.  Let the chips fall.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:37 | 1802709 Lord Welligton
Lord Welligton's picture

Exactly. They can't even put a decent spin on it.

Unbelievable.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 20:09 | 1803009 Auroch
Auroch's picture

Yeah, and the € has appreciated 10% against gold in the last month.

Disaster for exports ;)

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:09 | 1802621 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

RALLY TIME 2!!!!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:55 | 1802760 buzzsaw99
Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:10 | 1802623 Terminus C
Terminus C's picture

Whoot, using this method I am now a billionaire in assets.  I just kept on recounting my assets until I hit the number I wanted.  I should go to the bank and leverage this new found wealth!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:20 | 1802650 maxmad
maxmad's picture

why not?  Thats what mark-to-myth is all about.. Ask FASB

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:31 | 1802626 tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

Double your pleasure - double your fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeEX3Cn8NgU

Just as the stock market can remain irrational longer than a rational investor can remain solvent, the EU sovereigns can remain irrational, even reaching peaks of undreamed of insanity, longer than taxpayers can remain solvent. 

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:12 | 1802628 Ray Elliott
Ray Elliott's picture

The Lone Ranger asks, "What do we do now Kamesabbe"?

Tonto replies: "What is this 'we shit' white man?"

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:02 | 1802775 Vlad Tepid
Vlad Tepid's picture

Wasn't it Tonto that called the Lone Ranger "Kemosabe?"

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:34 | 1802842 knukles
knukles's picture

That was as told by one of the EU finance ministers.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:43 | 1802862 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Watcha think, Knukles?  Surely, one more wrapping of shitty shit and some creative accounting are worth a AAA from some ratings idiot on Mars?  No?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 20:22 | 1803024 knukles
knukles's picture

Ah, Kaiser...
We have essentially entered upon/into a new dimension of reality. 
It sort of works as such.
One the one hand we have some shit that we'd dearly love to be rid of.
On the other hand, 4 fingers and an oppositional thumb.
Which presents a problem as nobody else is volunteering their very own hand(s) to help us out of our very own shit.
Which is shitty.
Meaning, the person with the shit on their one hand has to use their other hand to remove said shit from first hand.
Now, the quandry only increases, for should said bugger decide to remove said shit with other unshitty hand, then said bugger winds up with shit on both hands, being repackaged essentially into a shit2d structure of shit or as some folks refer to it as really shitty shit. 
Which can be by some held to be a worse circumstance than shit on only one hand, yet by other to be superior for said bugger seems to now be in posession of More Shit than Otherwise Originally Observed.
(So if you want a lot of shit, count it twice.)
Now, that being said, we can see the entire benefit of counting the same shit twice, hence said shit becoming truly shitty shit.  For initially it set upon only one hand and now upon two.
Thus, for those in search of a remedy to said quandry, double counting the shit serves no particular purpose other than making like one has more shit than one actually does whilst pretending that shit is good (hence relying fully upon the axionmtic priciple of if a little shit is good, then more shit is better) and assuming that everybody else views thwe whole pile of expanded and double counted SHIT2 as good, then fuck it, problem solved.
Assuming that said holder of excess shit can convince the rest of the world (ratings agencies being the first stop) that neither their shit nor their shitty shit smells, which is the job of the Investment Banker.
Who will in turn charge obscene amounts of real money to pedal shitty shit to evey unsuspecting person in the world.
Which is really shitty.

And I need not remind everybody that said ratings agencies work in the jurisdiction of said shit and shit2 holders, are subject to all sorts of regulations, tax regiemes, approvals, permits, recognitions, and the like which means that the raters of shit (Like that's good shit, man) need to be on the good side of to keep rating new shit as it gets repackaged into shit2'ds.  And they get paid Lots Of Real Money by said shit holders to rate said shit in a hughly attractive manner.  In which effort the Investment Banker shall indeed aide and abet. 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 21:10 | 1803114 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

I'm starting to understand, which scares the crap out of me;)

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:45 | 1802960 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

I think it was funnier when Tonto replied, "What you mean "we"?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:12 | 1802629 sabra1
sabra1's picture

this is like finding out that janet napolitano has a twin sister! yuuuuuuck!!!!!!!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:24 | 1802666 quacker
quacker's picture

And they invite Janet Reno over to triple-team you.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:32 | 1802692 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Really. I just puked.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:38 | 1802947 erg
erg's picture

Don't forget Elena Kagan and her Kegel exercises.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:36 | 1802707 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

did you know that "she" used to be a he  ?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:07 | 1802790 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

denninger's twin brother. lulz

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:28 | 1802829 sabra1
sabra1's picture

voted ugliest boy in school!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:17 | 1802637 virgilcaine
virgilcaine's picture

anyone not fully positioned for this move coming lower, has a pefect setup here .. imho. Its going to blow like Vesuvius.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:18 | 1802643 navy62802
navy62802's picture

ZH is the only site covering the actual details of what's happening with the Euro Zone disaster. All of the other major business and economics sites are glossing over the actual details with shit like "EU continues work on deal" or "EU reported close deal". Thanks for the coverage.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:21 | 1802657 Belarus
Belarus's picture

Excatly Navy, the way to play it is read ZH to prepare for the bloobath, but read the MSM to make serious fiat money in the short term that can be converted to better, ahem, alternatives. ZH is way ahead of the plebs, keep that in mind from a tactical allocation perspective. 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:45 | 1802729 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

You got it Belarus.  One might say (and some do) that being right too soon is the same as being wrong.  But if you're always predictive, that's not wrong at all.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:10 | 1802796 css1971
css1971's picture

Spot on. I was right last week, & got stopped out.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:19 | 1802646 stopcpdotcom
stopcpdotcom's picture

"the lunatics have taken over the Titanic" and have nailed their, and our, foreskins to the mast.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:23 | 1802661 achmachat
achmachat's picture

what do I care? My foreskin was removed right after I was born. Let them nail it to the mast if it makes them happy.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:31 | 1802835 sabra1
sabra1's picture

mine was made into a wallet! rub it and it grows!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:37 | 1802844 knukles
knukles's picture

So you're the one from JPMorgan advising this group of lunatics!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:41 | 1802849 knukles
knukles's picture

JPM Advisor:  OK now here's how wer're gonna do this.  We all get in a circle and start wanking.  And then when we get close to the money....  WTF, Angie, what do you mean you can't do this!  Fuck!
That means this circle jerk is not gonna work!
Doomed.  Doomed I say....

Fuck.  Go hire Goldman...

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:58 | 1802881 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Dammit knukles, I was all set for the happy ending.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 21:17 | 1803128 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

Wasn't the Titanic a coal burning steam ship? Why would it have a mast?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 21:42 | 1803163 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I think its because every "real captain" has to have a mast. 

He runs things up and down it willy nilly...sometimes dangerous things to himself & those around him...which draws everyones attention to it...they oooh & ahhh over it sometimes...its not important that the mast serves any purpose except to the captain...just so long as its there when he needs it ;-)

Your larger point is well taken by me, the ship is going down, with all hands on dick...lol.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:29 | 1802684 phyuckyiu
phyuckyiu's picture

The Specials (Fun Boy Three) - The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POzSXzwbwIc

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:20 | 1802649 Yancey Ward
Yancey Ward's picture

I wrote the EU ministers, and pledged my morning snot rag.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:20 | 1802651 Yellowhoard
Yellowhoard's picture

Just when I thought they couldn't do anything dumber, they did this. AND TOTALLY REDEEMED THEMSELVES!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnkefjCES-4

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:22 | 1802659 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Sweet.  I think I will use the same accounting tatics as well.  Twice as rich bitches!  Winning!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:25 | 1802665 knukles
knukles's picture

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Wankers

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:27 | 1802673 Soda Popinski
Soda Popinski's picture

Simple Jack ma ma ma must g g g go buy treasuries.  

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 22:29 | 1803265 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

won't Euro Banks have to liquidate their US Treasury holdings if they're scrambling for cash? 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 23:07 | 1803330 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

Nah, they'll just loan them, like gold, to the Fed for BennieBux to "stabilise" everything.

That way, EVERYBODY gets to double up on their books.  Who cares about physical bonds anymore.  Problem solved.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:45 | 1802677 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

What stopped them from triple counting?   Could they not have counted Greek debt zero times?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:18 | 1802812 toady
toady's picture

Thats the 'plan' for the AM.

By tomorrow evening it will quantum of solace counting.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:29 | 1802682 CoyoteBlue
CoyoteBlue's picture

Having previously worked in government budgeting - this is really the best they can do.

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:30 | 1802687 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Silver over here sells at 38% over spot :)
Just saying :)

Everybody seems to believe in a happy ending

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:33 | 1802696 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

I can get it for 2-3% above spot. 

I'll sell it to you for 32% over spot. What's your e-mail?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:50 | 1802746 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

I pay it at 1.5$ over spot in the us, but most people over here like to pay taxes on their silver and pay that much over spot :)
Idiots....

Me no pay taxes on silver bitchez!
Whoehahahahaha!

I sure do hope no tax collectors visit this site and do ip checks .... :)

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:20 | 1802810 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

No kidding...capital gains on PMs are 28% 

Don't let uncle sam catch you.

protip- practice discretion while talking about tax evasion...like not mentioning it on public comment boards.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:17 | 1802912 jomama
jomama's picture

especially with douchebags like you lurking about, who would throw his own mother under the bus for a buck.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:34 | 1802937 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

Take your anti-depressants, Jesus. You're always so sensitive and melancholy. 

Put on a romantic comedy and put your feet up before you give yourself a stroke.

Mon, 10/24/2011 - 11:26 | 1804445 akak
akak's picture

No kidding...capital gains on PMs are 28%

That is a popular, almost ubiquitous, piece of misinformation, but it is still misinformation.

In fact, the capital gains taxes on precious metals profits in the USA is ONLY 28% for those in the upper tax brackets, whose ordinary income is already taxed at 28%; for those in lower tax brackets, for example a retiree making only $30,000 in pension and Social Security income (along with their PM profits), those gains are only taxed at 15%. 

Please stop repeating this incorrect statement regarding PM capital gains taxes.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 21:46 | 1803173 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

I think the world of you and Bob!  Will , { 2 and !/@ work? }   You guys are the BEST!  

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:55 | 1802757 Its_the_economy...
Its_the_economy_stupid's picture

Where's over here?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:41 | 1802857 Randall Cabot
Randall Cabot's picture

Over there.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:30 | 1802831 Alvaro de Esteban
Alvaro de Esteban's picture

This masseuse is very expensive, they don´t have money for a Happy ending.

Wait,... maybe Silvio with his latin charm???

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:35 | 1802698 ProTrade
ProTrade's picture

Do you f* realize how many people actually lose money listen and following this doom and gloom BS? I remember: "I enjoy my FAZ everyday" where all those guys now? I short several times this current huge uptrend and lose every time. This could be not only EZ resolution effect.. Something else is pushing this Markets higher.. ZH still the #1 "sell the bottom, buy the tops".. So you are saying Market will tank tomorrow? Right? Watch 1250 on S&P and f*k EZ.. They will flood EZ with fresh printed EUROS.. And DJ will hit 20k by end of 2012. Gold? Should start running up soon too..

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:38 | 1802712 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Gee, maybe you just really suck at trading.....

Clean-up in aisle 3-  shoo, shoo.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:42 | 1802859 ProTrade
ProTrade's picture

Yeah, please shut up, Entire ZH creep board was shoring
Markets on all time low, Now start your BS observations
after the Fact.. I remember when ZH calls S&P next stop
800, and where it is now? f* off, clowns.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:12 | 1802903 jomama
jomama's picture

i think you need a time-out.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:29 | 1802930 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Or a simple stop loss...lol.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 22:52 | 1803306 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

ProTrade  -  don't you think the S&P would look better at 800 than 1,100 given the shit-state of the US economy and Europe?

..who are the arse-clowns around here, the Wall Streeters still rolling in bonuses from insolvent insanely over-leveraged banks or the ZH'ers chewing the fat on the world melting down in debt?

looks like the plug has (finally!) been pulled in Europe and it'll bring this ear of credit LaLa Land to a grizly end sooner than you can wise up, swallow your delusional confidence and sell your tanking longs... join Buffet as toast 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 17:49 | 1802741 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

Yeah, ProTrade might be an inverse screen name.  You gotta add your judgement if any you know.  Right too soon is wrong.  This just tells you what's coming, it's not a moment by moment "how to trade this now" kinda thing.  That happens too fast for anyone to get it out there and you to act on it timely - you have to be ready (info from here) and catch the setup when it's time to spring...duh.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:05 | 1802784 Belarus
Belarus's picture

Ironic name their ProTrade: Perhaps you should heed the wise words of Will Rogers:

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging
Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:27 | 1802802 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

 

Just cause you went full retard shortin' the shit out of the market and lost your ass is no reason to disparage ZH.

Advice is like toliet paper, it behooves the user to be wary about where they use it, as sometimes things can fall apart just when you apply it, whether it be advice or toliet paper.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:22 | 1802816 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

The Germans already said no to ECB bond buys, and Trichet opposed them, too.

I don't think you understand the difference between widespread deaths and trading stocks.  They aren't the same thing.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:49 | 1802869 mhoughgr
mhoughgr's picture

How are they going to print Euros when the germans have said no more? No more increases in bailout money,not even leverage, backed up by their courts.  Why would you trade based on free forum posts?  Do the analysis and take your position .. but get the facts and the politics right first.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!