European Rumormill Goes Full Retard

Tyler Durden's picture

Update: Italy Hasn’t Asked for Any Help From China, Deputy Min Says... Yeah. Full Retard

Wondering why stocks are soaring and the EURUSD is above 1.37 again? Why, nothing short of the latest rumor, this time that Russia will bail out Europe. Bloomberg reports that Russia may use its international reserves to buy common euro-area bonds if European policy makers back joint debt issuance, Reuters reported, citing an interview with Finance Minister Alexei Kudrin... Sorry, we just report them. Time for the trader diary to get its latest update. The only problem we see with this strategy of rolling daily bailouts is that after China and Russia, who would be far smarter to participate in a stalking horse bid of European assets than to invest general unsecured pre-petition claims, there will be nobody left to "rescue" Europe: after all who else is out there? Zimbabwe? Japan? Argentina? Iceland? We doubt even the 80286's will buy that...

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Id fight Gandhi's picture

It's sad how rumors are the key triggers. Shitty rumors at that too.

Kinda miss the old predictable Pomo days compared to this.

DormRoom's picture

current account balance surplus nations may try to assist Europe until 2013, when the  permanent European extended facility can take over and provide an 'orderly default' for the South. Not doing so would create huge dislocation in global markets.  And as any political economist will tell you, huge dislocations in markets tend to lead to wars, and regime change.  Not good for the status quo.

Leopold B. Scotch's picture

There are so many fingers plugged into this soggy dyke, Central bankers need to start wearing a uniforms of something like that traditionally worn by dutch-boys and girls.   Clogs.  Lots of clogs.

SMG's picture

I think all these desperate rumors and volitility are a sign the end is coming within the next few weeks or months.  October seems to be the month for crahses, maybe then.  

dwdollar's picture

I agree.  These rumors are trying to pump the market for some real bearish news coming down the line.

eurusdog's picture

Hey, this is offensive, I've known retards that are smarter than that!

spiral_eyes's picture

Question: Will China bail out the world?

Answer: No — they will try to when asset prices have dropped a lot more, but that will be too little, too late. 

eisley79's picture


make a graphic to depict full and partial retard mode....

mkkby's picture

Junk me all you want -- the Fed will ultimately bail out Europe and Pomo devalue the US debt. 

And so sorry, they won't let you pay off your mortgage with a gold coin.  They'll change the rules somehow to break that trade.  Rant and rave all you like about guns and revolution, but it'll just be a slow decline like the last 30 years were.

malikai's picture

You would be certainly correct if the US had total control over the situation, but there are factors at play here much greater than the US or it's Bilderberg overlords.

Given that we are in an inherently chaotic and unstable world, I'd put the odds of slow decline at closer to 50/50. But that's just me.

Taku's picture

China buys Europe.
Russia owns Europe.

These sort of things lead to greater wars.
"2013 facility" another magic wand? Will it fix the problems? Or encourage Extend and pretend credit junkies?

Léonard's picture

I beg your pardon but it's the USA that owns Europe but not for long anymore.

Taku's picture

Based on what was said. But yes, I should've clarified 'to own?'

Léonard's picture

No, China won't bail the USA out.

So Close's picture

Half life of this one.....  7.5 minutes..

living on the edge's picture

It really is pathetic watching this shit show. The EU can't be bailed out, it's too late and too expensive. No one willingly puts their head in a guillotine.

Léonard's picture

You guys still don't get that the UE and the Eurozone are two different entities.

LongSoupLine's picture

I'm thinking more like SS uniforms all with "I heart Joseph Goebbels"" pins on the collar.

DaveyJones's picture

and God knows they've acted wisely up to this point. The system is bursting from too much debt chasing too little resource. THe status quo can not prevent it given they were its creators. 

DormRoom's picture

That's like saying you shouldn't put out the fire in a neighbour's house, cuz they were the ones that started it.  Regardless, that fire can spread to your house, and consume your family.  Put out the fire first, then solve the structural problems.  That's the lesson of Lehman.

DaveyJones's picture

No I'm saying we've used up most of our water and our economic systems have made and sold too many claims on the aquifer. Most of our wealth is abstract digits with claims on the future that are based upon lies about growth and natural resource. This point in human history was probably innevitable and dangerous.

WonderDawg's picture

And what has been done to fix the structural problems since Lehman? Throw more debt at a debt problem, try to solve an insolvency problem with a liquidity solution. It has worked to delay the inevitable, and in doing so, exponentially increased the ultimate destruction that will occur.

Great plan, let's do it some more.


bankruptcylawyer's picture

of course they 'may' try and help. 


but more likely, they will try and help themselves. they will only do things to milk these countries for control over their resources, for guarantees of long term consumption contracts, and for capital expenditures, or forkovers of utlitity control. 


why wouldn't russia have helped belorus out of hyper inflation? because russia is probably strategizing to take advantage of its neighbor directly in the wake of their collapse ( currently happening) . 

you may as just well say russia ( speciically ) and china ( less specifically ) would try and take advantage of the west by deliberately causing market havoc. 

the truth is that they will "help" or "not help" or "bungle" only in such a manner as helps themselves. 

whether or not the situation is pareto optimal , or zero sum, is a complex matter and you need the true and complete set of information about china's stakes to know the answer with regards to each choice or possible course of action they may take with respect to the western countrie's demand for bailout money. 


the rub is that only china really knows the true and complete set of infromation about its own stakes. in the game of nations each nation is in the best position to know what he risks losing or gaining. 


as much as i hate bankers, if there is to be one world order without global scale would hope that each nation would be reasonable enough to prevent the utter financial collapse of militarily threatening countries. 


i.e. this is why the u.s. sent billions to russia post soviet union collapse. not only to stabilize and safeguard the nuclear stockpile, but generally to help bring them into the capitalist 'fold'. i can't say russia benefitted all that much. but only the cia and a few others really know how all this money was used.


CPL's picture

Getting closer.  You are almost there.

Savyindallas's picture

I think Russia will help because Putin is a nice guy and wants to do the right thing - helping out a fellow white brother in need. With the Chinese breathing down their necks - we Christian Anglo countries need to stick together and lend a helping hand.

Popo's picture

I hear Zimbabwe is offering a cool trillion to Europe.  Everything's going to be okay.

GenX Investor's picture

I thought they were offering 400 septillion new Zimbabwe dollars to buy Italian bonds today???

Savyindallas's picture

Hey don't laugh it off. Every bit counts, a few quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars here and there, and pretty soon it starts to add up.

alexdg's picture

My 486DX4 will make a bid! still faster than a russian trader on vodka.

Divided States of America's picture

The martians are coming

malikai's picture

This just in! Grey aliens offer to buy greek bonds with their platinum currency. Gold prices tumble $100. EURUSD now at 1.60. Unicorns and rainbows engage in spontaneous celebration all over the world!

Leopold B. Scotch's picture

Really, if we just sink enough benjamins into the war vs. the martians effort, we're home free.  Economy will be on easy street.  Seriously.

sushi's picture

Next rumour - Greece will bail out Italy!!!

drider's picture

Greece has already bailed-out German and France banks, so I see no problem with Italy!

kaiserhoff's picture

I think that was bailed ON German and French banks, but why be picky?

cossack55's picture

I think that was covered by those two British comics. Forget their name and link.

optimator's picture

I can't understand why some entity somewhere hasn't simply borrowed against the IOU that are in the Social Security unlocked box?

GenX Investor's picture

You never go full retard!  Com'on Simple Jack, you belong to Flaming Dragon now!

Belarus's picture

The rumors are working for the nano-second. Looks like the abysmal volume means every trader is afraid to take either side of the bet without hedge, stop losses, etc. in place because one wrong move....

And your down 5-10%....or up 5-10%. So naturally while everyone is afraid to place a bet--no volume--you can count on the market rising on vapor volume with "other" asset help from Fed balance sheet. 

the not so mighty maximiza's picture

pure desperation and they are running out of rumors and distractions.