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European Swiss Army Knife CDO Square Cubed
Remember: when in doubt, baffle with bullshit. From Dow Jones:
- EU Paper Confirms Looking At 2 EFSF Options, May Combine Them -Senior EU Source
- EU Paper Says EFSF Option To Set Up Special Purpose Investment Vehicle -Senior EU Source
- EU Paper Says EFSF Bond Insurance and Special Vehicle Options Could Be Combined - Senior EU Source
- EU Paper Says Neither EFSF Leverage Option Requires Change To EFSF Rules -Senior EU Source
- EU Paper Says EFSF SPIV Would Combine Public, Private Capital - Senior EU Source
- EU Paper Says EFSF Could Set Up One Central Euro Zone SPIV - Senior EU Source
- EU Paper Says EFSF SPIVs Could Be Set Up In Several Euro Zone Countries - Senior EU Source
- EU Paper Says EFSF SPIVs Would Be Used For Bond Purchases, Bank Recapitalization - Senior EU Source
- EU Paper Says EFSF Bond Insurance To Be Tradable Independently Of Bonds - Senior EU Source
It also has a Phillips-head screwdriver, opens cans, serves as a flashlight, dispenses crazy pills can be used as a garrote. And if you act now, you can get get a second one free for the low, low price of €1 trillion, leveraged infinitely courtesy of the world's most complex structured credit product ever conceived.
h/t London Dude Trader
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Snakeoil, female dogs!
Bad bank is redundant.
VATICAN CALLS FOR GLOBAL CENTRAL BANK: http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/10/24/idUS264245887020111024
Wow, maybe the Pope really is the devil.
Pope's got yer back!
*wonders what the 2012 price of Indulgences will be...*
So if you square it, cube it then who owns it when the PIIGS stop shitting?
Raz-zzle Daz-zzle!
What are they going to call it?
P3?
European Pre-Vatican World Order, before the Pope puts his foot down and heralds the New Rome World Order structure (agreement).
or maybe "Moneychanger Scramble Delight".
strawman...
I knew Pope Palpatine would be trouble when one of his first public appearances was to bless a bunch of Ferraris.
Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL pretend super fund!
Will the New Rome throw out the money changers ?
Allahu Akbar
Islamic Banking doesn't look too bad at this point! Just have to buy your bacon with cash.
Halal Bacon!
I think it could be great...Popes Bank....get your "savings" account here...a hope and a prayer credit card...no interest charged...you just donate to the cause...and if you don´t pay...a nun with a metric ruler will come collect.....the bank statement will be called the monthy confession....two Hail Mary´s..one Our Father..and two thousand Euros please...and if you open an account..you get a free pair of Prada red sneakers..just like the Pope has...
Thank you for doing business with Papal Banking, Inc. Your 10% APR Tithe + fees will be deducted automatically from your account. Remember using any non-Catholic ATM results in a charge of $5 and 10 Hail Marys. God bless!
You have a choice.
Catholic Pope or Muslim Caliphate ... its a simple choice for most given the history of the Western World.
This could shape-up to be one amazing week (and its only Monday)....Economic CHAOS, Political CHAOS, Religion back in charge ....
Vatican global bank? Time to long small boys I guess.
They left out 1 thing....wheres the pink unicorns prancing about sharting out piles of gold bars??
Europe has had enough of getting ripped off by Wall Street. Now they themselves will rip off the world with their snakeoil structured finance products.
They forgot one:
You can not short EFSF
The first rule of EFSF is, you do not short EFSF.
The second rule of EFSF is...
Market loves being baffled with bullshit. How do I buy this on margin?
This is all a joke....the only way anybody ever buys bonds of any of this concocted crap is for the ECB to print money and buy them....if so then the sovereign credit rating should plummet immediately to BB
Ratings are all relative anyway, as the money has to "go somewhere" looking for return (*whistles DXY*).
The "solution," of course, will be to dump it all on the IMF, or some other TBD TBTF acronym.
Because, as we all know, only acronyms can save us.
Banks will buy them with money borrowed from the ECB or face a credit event. They will then be able to count these new bonds as assets ('cos the ECB will say it's alright to do so regardless of what ratings agencies state). Thus the banks will be able to lend more, buy more and have more capital. It's brilliant. Ish. Apart from the bit about solving debt with debt. I'm not sure about the brilliance of that bit.
Would be fucking funny when they try to raise funds to fund the EFSF when it's being drawn upon, especially since that implies that sov yields would be spiking during that period.
All this BS, with no cash down.
love how they keep floating the idea of private participation in the bailouts.
thats where the trillions are coming from baby! OPM! other peoplez money!
You down with OPM (Yeah you know them)
You down with OPM (Yeah you know them)
You down with OPM (Yeah you know them)
Who's down with OPM (Every last homie!)
just who do these private banks think they are - how dare them
just wondering out loud if our own[?] frb has one or two, and if their related to the ecb, and the boc
oh well,...
And it makes a nice bridge in Brooklyn.
can you short the insurance? :D
Would really like to know the details before I form conclusions. Wish there were some numbers here.
Actual numbers are DEATH to this 'plan'...the magic of 'The Plan' lies in the carrots and sticks and the baffling with bullshit.
They got nothin.
Got gold?
got gold = got fountain [electronic for those on the go?] pen = dept. of hs = redux executive [fdr] order #6102 [4/5/1933] = toilet paper with free- wheel barrow [gift for your patronage/ appreciation] = thankyou, come again
It makes no difference how you structure it, the borrowers aren't good for it...
It will be monetized.
I had to google "garotte". Only after I stopped laughing.
Thanks Tyler
But... Does it blend?
We've just had a 'baffle em with bullshit' net thrown over us!
Sounds like this is headed toward a Global Superfund for the world banks in which all countries can participate.
Basically they're out of money and need some more players at the table...
You mean like this? --> Vatican calls for global authority on economy, raps “idolatry of the market” | Reuters
EFSF to be blessed by the pope ?
Will this involve the throwing out of the money changers before the New Rome World Order takes effect ?
The Spanish Inquisition might be joining up with Occupy as we blog, and setting up Banker education centers across the globe.
Maybe there is a win-win in there somewhere.
A new Vatican organization...called VO...for Vatican Occupy...they move into all existing Occupy locations and throw out the money changers.
Its peppy.
Out of money? Is there no longer a borrower of last resort?
I'll take 2!
I'll write you a check. But you have to promise me not to cash them out and put them in the drawer where you keep the other cheques
Fractional reserve banking nightmare: stuffing cash into a mattress.
FRB may be thrown out on the street (with the money changers) after the New Rome takes effect.
The Banksters might have just seen their fate...written by New Rome.
It could happen.
Maybe the Pope is Neo ?
Can it be used as a prophylactic?
Sort of, if you are not careful about the corkscrew that tends to come loose while you are carrying it in your pocket.
with special Moneychanger blade...to clean out those hard to get to corridors of finance.
I always knew that the EU's EFSF SPIV was the solution.
Get more physical silver.
And physical firearms and ammo.
Bullish on Bullshit!
Fall back into Recession is Bullish!
Chinese collapse is bullish!
Spain collapse is bullish!
Greece default is bullish!
Bank of America failing is bullish!
Real estate prices falling again is bullish!
One term Presidency is bullish!
Washington Gridlock is bullish!
Lowest American saving rate ever is bullish!
Over 9% unemployment is bullish!
Worldwide CDS meltdown is bullish!
US debt to GDP over 100% is bullish!
FULL ALGOTARD TRADING SEES GOOD TIMES AHEAD!!!! WHOOPEEE!!!!!!!
Debt Commission Fail...
oh what the hell!~
bullish!
Indeed. The whole crisis is a hype. Many losses have already been priced in. Euro will survive, no collapse. The US housing market is doing better. Merry Christmas.
Housing market 'doing better' than what....a steaming pile of dog shit?
Well..... Contrarian me is staying short.
Dude...your avatar.....
your avatar has me confused..... is that a clean-shaven Ben Bernanke ?
Mugatu: You know, you may have something there. Every time there is BAD news, they have to counter it with a ramp-up, or it might cause actual losses...
DADADADA DEE DUM $$$ DOO DOO $$$ BUY $$$ SELL SLOP SLOP $$$ DROOL DROOL $$$ GLOP GLOP $$$ $LOTHROP $$$
Any and all verbiage valid and bullish on account of diseased funduhmentals.
What does SPIV means?
Oh no he didnt....TWO EFSF's! And oh hell, they might even COMBINE them! Wonder Twin powers....ACTIVATE!!!
From a dictionary of British English slang at peevish.co.uk:
spiv Noun. A man, who typically makes a living by disreputable dealings, lives by his wits, and is often characterized by his flashy dress sense. Cf. 'wide-boy'. {Informal}LOL whoever decided on using SPIV has a sense of humour.
End the EFSF
Occupy the Extremely Fast Shit-Fan
Flashlight? They need to make it serve as a fleshlight, then they'll get everyone on board.
I think they just bought themselves the Swiss Army Tool Chest Plus version which comes with a Universal Wrench.
But does it come with a 10lb FED sledge hammer?
It looks like alot leverage and insurance guarantees on the first 20 percent of the bond. Looks like no new capital unless it is IMF funds because no one else is dumb enough to get involved. All subject to revision if the market hates it.
will the market EVER have another down day?
yes as soon as i get long
so the Euro zone PMI contracts to it's lowest level since july 2009, and somehow despite this the EFSF is going to be expanded to 1.4 trillion euros?
where is this money going to come from when the economy is shrinking?
and yet the markets rise on the rumor of a promise whose viability is questionable at best...
hopeium is a powerful and destructive drug indeed.
The BOE will probably be itching to sell some archaic old Gold to get hold of some of this fantastic sounding stuff. British politicos will be clamouring for them to do it, just so they can get rid of a bit more archaic old sovereignty at the same time.
magic helmet
Can it core a apple?
My
Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knifewill not only print all the money needed to save the EURO, but will change chemtrails into rain of gold.
http://www.amazon.com/Wenger-16999-Giant-Swiss-Knife/dp/B001DZTJRQ
Do they take Visa?
Let's see, "Says EFSF Bond Insurance To Be Tradable Independently Of Bonds". That would be ... a CDS! Surely that is the answer to this tsunami of insolvency, trading naked CDS's on EFSF-insured bonds.
Headlines are purely to stimulate algos...period.
Real "news" reporting (other than here at ZH and select other few) does not exist.
I wish that these stupid ass weak handed shorts would stay out of the market or get squeezed out,loose their fucking money and get it over with. I'm tired of these melt ups.
Serious question. What exactly does "leveraged" mean in this context with respect to the €1 trillion EFSF. Does it mean only a fraction of of the fund is backed by actual Euros?
Yes - only a teenty weeny bit of cash will be put down - in fact just promisses of a teeny bit. In the end the ECB will print, the French and Italians know it, the Irish, Spanish and Potuguese are depending on it, the Germans are in denial about it.
If we backtrace the problems of Europe, it leads to one simple philosophy of madness: yield convergence. Doesn't really matter who / what caused it, the fact is that it happened as can be seen here: http://www.voxeu.org/sites/default/files/image/FromMar2011/SinnFig2.gif
Prior to the Euro, Europe was working as it should. The Greek economy was a basket case, everyone knew it and yields on Greek debt reflected it. We didn't need more rules, we didn't need more bureaucracy, we didn't need more committees, the bond market did that job for us. The yield on Greek debt reflected the mismanagement of the Greek economy. Investors in Greece could plainly see the risk so told so them by yields, and would protect themselves accordingly.
Then along came these idealogues with their static euro and broke everything with convergent debt pricing as seen above. This artificial situation failed to change the underlying reality of member economies. Greece has formerly high yields for a good reason and giving them lower yields did nothing to change that reason. Predictably, Greece's current account deficit exploded and here we are today. Eventually, reality would win and that ridiculous yield pegging would break, allowing bond markets to breathe once more. Had yields never been pegged, we never would have had this mess in the first place because trade imbalances fueled by improperly priced credit would never have arisen.
The *fix* for Europe is simple enough. Stop fucking around with pegs, let markets be markets and let the fact that Greece's governance blows chunks be reflected in punitive rates. Expand the powers of the ECB to enable it to monetize debt in unlimited quanitites at its discretion as circumstances require it and put the power to make purchase decisions in the hands of the most demonstrably prudent members. In other words, allow Germany to decide how close Greece should go to default before buying Greek debt to take the heat off Greece and devalue the Euro. If Greece cannot or will not fix its government, kick it off the Euro and deliver losses to all those agents stupid enough to lend to Greece at artificially low rates over the years. Let the chips fall.
Pegs are the source of the problem. The Euro itself is a peg and should go. Failing that we should at least eliminate other pegs such as yield convergence. The suggestion being presented here by the eurocrats is just another peg. This isn't surprising. The same idiots whose stupid ideas got us into this mess are using the very same stupid ideas to try to get us out of it.
This suggestion deserves the same lack of respect as eurobonds. Yet another idiotic one-size-fits-all "solution" for a problem that requires the opposite: international flexibility within the eurozone to reflect the international divergences of eurozone economies. Again, the suggestion tips the hands of Eurocrats, they want a United States of Europe, comparable to the USA. One Federal government to rule them all, a fiscal, social and cultural union to go with a monetary union.
History is full of attempts to "unify" disparate cultures. Fascism and oppression are never far away. Even the few that succeed (eg UK) don't do so without a great deal of violence and discontent. Even the USA, which had the more simple task of unifying states in which people spoke the same language and had similar culture couldn't do so without a war that killed 2% of the population.
There can be no solution for Europe while the idiots in power to get us here are still in power.
I completely agree, beautifuly put.
How shall we get rid of them?
In the UK our elected members of parliament are not even alowed a free vote on wether it might be nice to ask the electorate via refferendum about our relationship with europe.
Time and time again we have been promised a vote for the electorate - time and time again we get fobbed off by the current puppet in Downing Street.
These fuckers will not be happy until Europe is one giant serfdom. So how do we stop them?
The referenda are never called because the puppet masters know that, in the current environment, the European Union would fall apart. People no longer want it. In a true democracy, the will of the people would manifest and the European Commission would get disbanded or heavily curtailed, but what we have in Europe now isn't democracy at all, it's a more sophisticated version of the USSR and the sock puppets that get elected in each state do exactly what they're told to protect the politburo against the will of the people.
Call me pessimistic, but I don't see this situation resolving itself peacefully. Europe will continue to degrade under the mismanagement of Eurocrat fascists until people get so pissed off that the guillotines come out again. There is going to be an increasing amount of riots, more deaths, more violence, more destruction of property and, because the issues are complex, much of that will involve angry people shitting in their own nests, targeting the wrong enemies because they don't really understand the causative factors that underpin their righteous feelings of injustice.
Hopefully I'm wrong and democracy wins before we get to that stage but I'm not holding my breath. One should never underestimate the viciousness of a ruling class dispossessed and they're going to use all the power at their disposal (courts, police, military) to retain their power. Only when economic conditions degrade so badly that the guard dogs turn on their masters will there be a chance to overthrow the Eurocrats and then there's the risk of going from frying pan to fire (as Europe has often done in the past). The threat is that election of new leaders are even worse than the old ones. Guys like Hitler rose to power on the back of economic discontent, by preaching sweet words to the angry dispossessed. I fear it will happen again.
swiss army CDO
w/ extra-dimensional tranches
From Chamber's English Dictionary (honest!)
spiv/ (informal)
noun
1. A flashily dressed man, esp one regularly involved in commercial dealings of doubtful legality or morality
2. An idler
It kinda reminds me of what Hank Paulson said TARP would do...
Wont dont they just put all debts in a spaceship and fly it into the Sun. Oh.... thats what this is?
A spiv was originally a black marketeer during the war. Trilby, pencil moustache, nylon stockings and wristwatches hanging inside his coat.
This is what they look like:
http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=spiv&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&biw=1366&bih=655
Swinburne in Bedknobs and Broomsticks:
http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/7300000/Swinburne-bedknobs-and-broomsticks-7347186-100-100.jpg
Any dodgy dealer, selling knock-off stuff might still be called a spiv.