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Eurozone As Hogwarts: Where Are Albus Mario Dumbledore And Expelliarmus Debtus?

Tyler Durden's picture


If there was one analogy for the failing artificial Eurozone system we had not heard so far, was one comparing it to Hogwarts (thank you Harry Potter). Now, courtesy of Tullet Prebon that is no longer the case...

From Tullett Prebon: New Term Begins At Hogwarts

Albus Mario Dumbledore and Harry Constancio Potter are due to assemble next Thursday for the next episode of the sovereign Voldemort saga. It is foretold that during the press conference the headmaster will unveil his wand and deliver an almighty spell, ‘Expelliarmus Debtus’, whereupon the dreaded Troika Dementors will be vaporised disappearing into the austerity vortex, leaving the Muggles to live happily ever after.
Fact is stranger than fiction, the reality being that J K Rowling’s stories are tame compared to the economic realities facing the declining fortunes of Europe. Hungary is rapidly becoming another Greece, Ireland is poised to return to official recession (so much for the austerity poster child), Spanish unemployment rises unabated, Unicredit offers a 70% discount on shares to entice investors, the SNB president has allegedly been caught with his hands in the till and the revelation in the Daily Telegraph this morning of cynical tax evasion by wealthy Italians merely represents the tip of the iceberg.
The only surprise really is that the Euro edifice and the neo liberal free market globalisation ideology still remains for the most part intact – the ECB, alongside the other major central banks, have done everything in their power to save the banking system or, rather, intrinsically insolvent institutions, but the armoury is running out of supplies. We have observed Euribors falling fairly dramatically of late based on nothing more than thin air but lending into the real economy will not be improved, exacerbated by, or even because of, the wholesale cut backs in the public sector as recommended by the fiscal rectitude hawks.
As anticipated the eonia slid to 0.369% from 0.385% last night due primarily to the reduced participation from Germany (regional holiday), this value or thereabouts to be repeated again tonight. The scene is set for the eonia to resume on Monday adjacent to this figure and dwindle for the remnants of this MP indicating an average for the December run somewhere near to 0.46%. January, in comparison, will be beneath 0.35%, the halving of the reserve requirement being of major significance.
The Harry Potter series began in 1997 and ended in 2011 – the Euro commenced in 1999…

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Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:25 | 2040205 redpill
redpill's picture

Beware of "He Who Must Not Be Named" - VOLDERNANK!


Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:26 | 2040225 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Or, at least as importantly, where is Rumpelstilzchen  (aka Rumpelstiltskin)?

Today I brew, tomorrow I bake;
And then the Prince child I will take;
For no one knows my little game
That Rumpelstiltskin is my name!

--Or, in German (don't EVEN tell me my German is off, bitchez)--:

Heute back ich, morgen brau ich,
Übermorgen hol ich mir der Königin ihr Kind;
Ach, wie gut, dass niemand weiß,
dass ich Rumpelstilzchen heiß
Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:28 | 2040234 redpill
redpill's picture

"Some people call it kidnapping,

I just call it surprise adoption."

-Iosef Benjamin Shalom Rumpelstiltskin

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:30 | 2040206 Mercury
Mercury's picture

I'm pretty sure the Muggles are fucked.

The Lord of the Rings is a better analogy though (so far we don't have a Frodo but we do have ringwraiths and a Sauron).  And the one-ring-to-rule-them-all needs to be destroyed before it hubristic, central-planning superpowers subject the masses to eternal servitude.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:31 | 2040240 redpill
redpill's picture


Timmy G would make a fabulous Gollum, or at least a goblin.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:24 | 2040274 Mercury
Mercury's picture

No, Geithner is Grima Wormtounge


Gollum is probably Lloyd Blankfein...ostensibly trying to “help” our heroes on their quest but really he wants the power for himself.

What has it got in it’s pocketseezz? We wants it! We wants the precious!!!


Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:19 | 2040207 Irish66
Irish66's picture

William must have a picture to go with this, please

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:20 | 2040209 Gubbmint Cheese
Gubbmint Cheese's picture

patiently awaiting a "Super Troopers" analogy.. "littering and.. littering and.. littering and..."



Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:27 | 2040229 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

"smokin' the fiat ponzi paper"

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:20 | 2040210 Tortfeasor
Tortfeasor's picture

This is a meme I do NOT want

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:21 | 2040214 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Mario has a crush on Hermione?


Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:24 | 2040218 LouisDega
LouisDega's picture

Expelliarmus Deptus.. Let me guess... Road runner , Wile E Cyote??

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:23 | 2040219 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

'The only surprise really is that the Euro edifice and the neo liberal free market globalisation ideology still remains for the most part intact – the ECB, alongside the other major central banks, have done everything in their power to save the banking system or, rather, intrinsically insolvent institutions, but the armoury is running out of supplies'

Everything in their power? Aside from monetization and ZIRP, I'd really enjoy a presentation of "everything", bulletpoint form would be fine...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:47 | 2040288 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

-held meeting

-held another meeting

-held summit, at which follow up meeting was agreed upon

-bombed Libya

-held meeting, released bazooka rumor

-retracted bazooka rumor

-held summit, asked china for money

-held meeting no money from China

-held meeting released 2nd bazooka rumor

-retracted 2nd bazooka rumor

-held meeting decided to have broke countries contribute funds to be used to bail them out

- held meeting decided to have GS banksters made the official rulers of the EU

-held meeting outraged at the idea of Greek people voting

-held meeting concluded Iran are the worst bad guys ever

-held meeting can overlord Bernanke bail us out again?

-held meeting no

- held meeting if the Euro falls the world will devolve into chaos and war and aliens might invade

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:08 | 2040354 Lets Hang Parliament
Lets Hang Parliament's picture

The extra terrestrial "Squid" is already here...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:27 | 2040233 The Reich
The Reich's picture

Avada Kedavra, €uro!!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:33 | 2040247 BW
BW's picture

PSLV to SLV new record premium 32%

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:59 | 2040327 Village Smithy
Village Smithy's picture

Thanks for the heads up. There is a growing divergence here, PSLV up a little on the day and SLV down 2%. That has to mean something.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:38 | 2040261 Paigow
Paigow's picture

A better analogy is Alchemy.

The ponzi master are trying to create gold out of paper!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:01 | 2040324 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

And at the end of series, Emma Watson got a major haircut that turned out to be so popular, it's the hairstyle of the year.


Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:04 | 2040341 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Don't you hate it when someone quotes a book and has clearly only read the movie?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:24 | 2040408 bankofvol
bankofvol's picture

According to several Euro area banks CEO EBA MtoM rule for Gvt bonds make Banks structurally unable to absorb Eur 800bln of Sovereign Bond expected in 2012

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:25 | 2040415 boiltherich
boiltherich's picture

Spoiler alert, the sequel is nearly ready, the adult version, Perry Hotter and the Chamber of Victoria's Secrets.  Or, was that Perry Hotter and the Oder of the Penis?  Or, Perry Hotter and The Giblets on Fire?  No matter, we muggle 99% are getting fucked in every version.  Maybe it was Perry Hotter and The Philosopher's Stones? 

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 02:08 | 2041717 StychoKiller
Fri, 01/06/2012 - 22:33 | 2041437 Blank Reg
Blank Reg's picture

"A Ponzi scheme this is. Totally fucked we are."

~ Yoda

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 06:02 | 2041828 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

What the..? A bit of JK Rowling talk and then EONIA for good measure, to confirm this is a finance article? Fucking brokers!

Mon, 01/09/2012 - 01:19 | 2045870 sara29
sara29's picture

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