An Ex-LTCM Trader Will Be Overseeing $70 Trillion In Derivatives

Tyler Durden's picture

We wish to welcome former LTCM trader, and current TBAC chairman, Matt Zames to his new post as head of the world's biggest, government backstopped prop trading desk, with a hearty and sincere "good luck." Because an ex-LTCMer in charge of ~$70 trillion in derivatives? Why, what can possibly go wrong...

Well, maybe this?

Finally, we urge readers to go easy on the JPM HR department: obviously all the JT Marlin traders were currently gainfully employed elsewhere and unable to step in and fill Ina Drew's very big shoes.

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kato's picture

You are joking...?

WonderDawg's picture

I guess once you know the secret handshake, you're in the club for life.

Manthong's picture

So who still says zombies do not exist?

Rainman's picture

That's why the mob's rule #1 is to trace your Sicilian roots on both sides. 

francis_sawyer's picture

What could 'possibly' go wrong?

Elwood P Suggins's picture

I guess once you learn to give the secret blowjob, you're in the club for life.


Now its fixed.


WonderDawg's picture

Speak for yourself, chief. My posts don't need fixing.

Stoploss's picture

I don't think we have enough ass left to take this one.

The Big Ching-aso's picture



He must know where all the bodies are buried.  Can't wait to see the skeleton crew he puts together.

CPL's picture

He's about as qualified as they come.


I don't think anyone stopped to notice his health problems that are more than a little concerning.

Pure Evil's picture

Hey, does anyone know Matt Zames email address, I'd like to send him my resume and apply for a job on his prop-desk.

I mean, after the Clinton-Bush-Obama menage a trois, even I the great evil one has lost all scrupples.

CPL's picture

His real email address that skips the army of personal assistants and his Black Berry PIN?


It can be arranged, I'm sure it's in his medical form somewhere.  

Install TOR

Go to HiddenWiki


He's been on the Anon watchlists for a long time...a lot of personal habits of his have been recorded as well thanks in part to the Kami Anons.

Grinder74's picture

Ask Moochelle.  She should have some to spare since Oblumber has "come out".

indygo55's picture

He doesn't know it yet but he is the next guy in line for the guillitine.

GetZeeGold's picture



Don't worry.....they've got all the kinks worked out now.


The Big Ching-aso's picture



I am concerned that derivative production will accerlerate destruction of the whirled.



GetZeeGold's picture



We've got the perfect way to play this scenario here at J.T. Marlin.


Contact our friendly staff to setup a meeting. Your parking will of course be validated.


sumo's picture

Yep, all the bugs have been resolved.

So, logically, this time is different.


The Big Ching-aso's picture



This guy must have connections with the underworld because hell is about to break loose.

Widowmaker's picture

Without the fraud fed there are no buyers. Take today for example, green close to buffer European racket.

The Big Ching-aso's picture



I keep telling myself you can't make this shit up and then another dog takes a dump on the lawn.

schoolsout's picture

What?  It's only paper...

Ruffcut's picture

Not even paper, but electronic ponzi.

Charles would love the digi age.

SunnyDD's picture

hehehe, not de zombies again..

pkea's picture

the liquefying man for the job ( who else can put hands on the people's money with more ease?)  i mean where are the DAs. pure corruption

ToNYC's picture

Martingale works with ZIRP for the Fed, not so fast Jake Dimon and MF Corzine. Use that paper up with vigor my lad, JFK is long gone, your last friend.

Aziz's picture

Jesus Tyler.

Don't JPM read Zero Hedge?

Don't they realise picking up nickels in front of a steamroller is a fast and easy way to lose all your money? 

GeneMarchbanks's picture

It's scientific finance, what could possibly go wrong?

Aziz's picture

I think the great danger is that it's mathematical finance, where perfect-world models that ignore hidden variables get broken up against the rocks of reality. The science (i.e. the data) says that it is a quick way to go broke, and all the fucking LTCM mathemagicians (they can make your money disappear) should know this better than anyone (except they don't).

Dapper Dan's picture

They did not watch this video of Benoit Mandelbrot explaining why he thinks the global economy is in dire straits.



Privatized profit - socialized risk.

If I make money, it's MINE. If? I lose money, it's OURS.

Banking and insurance are screwing us in ways we can't even fathom.

We pay them for 'essential services' that we MUST have by law, yet when the house of cards they construct collapses, they run to the government (that they condemn for overregulation) for assistance like bunch of whining brats with empty bottles and full diapers.

They screw the pooch, and we pay the child support.

Insert cliche here

Widowmaker's picture

Science is never a defense for fraud.

Shame on you.

Killtruck's picture

Please send that gem over to NIST regarding their 9/11 investigation.

bania's picture

He's learned from his mistakes.

Roland99's picture

Repeating history, bitchez!

SilverTree's picture

The Blackest of the Black Swans.

LongSoupLine's picture

Yep...the Blackhole Swan. When it emerges, it sucks all fiat into its pull.

SilverTree's picture

~Blackhole Swan, won't you come, and wash away the rain.

Bring the Gold's picture

"Hang my head...drown my fears...til all the fiat just disaaaapppeeearsssss Blackhole Swan won't you come, wooon't you come."


Love it Silvertree genius! WB7 worthy material.

GeneMarchbanks's picture


Ah, the irony is rich with this one.

Ratscam's picture

i prefer the motivational speech of Baldwin in Glengarry Glenross

odatruf's picture

Sure wish we'd get a nice set of steak knives for our troubles...

Zero Debt's picture

This will end well.

dwdollar's picture

Everyone lube up and get ready to bend over.

CClarity's picture

Yep sure.  Let them regulate themselves.  They never repeat those mistakes.  /sarc off

A manipulated and medicated market cannot self correct until it sobers up.  No one sending it to rehab though.