An Ex-LTCM Trader Will Be Overseeing $70 Trillion In Derivatives

Tyler Durden's picture




 

We wish to welcome former LTCM trader, and current TBAC chairman, Matt Zames to his new post as head of the world's biggest, government backstopped prop trading desk, with a hearty and sincere "good luck." Because an ex-LTCMer in charge of ~$70 trillion in derivatives? Why, what can possibly go wrong...

Well, maybe this?

Finally, we urge readers to go easy on the JPM HR department: obviously all the JT Marlin traders were currently gainfully employed elsewhere and unable to step in and fill Ina Drew's very big shoes.

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Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:57 | 2423446 kato
kato's picture

You are joking...?

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:56 | 2423455 fightthepower
fightthepower's picture

Fuck You Bernanke!

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:03 | 2423487 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Matt is due.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:07 | 2423502 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

I guess once you know the secret handshake, you're in the club for life.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:15 | 2423541 Manthong
Manthong's picture

So who still says zombies do not exist?

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:20 | 2423563 Rainman
Rainman's picture

That's why the mob's rule #1 is to trace your Sicilian roots on both sides. 

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:38 | 2423633 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

What could 'possibly' go wrong?

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 11:48 | 2423900 Elwood P Suggins
Elwood P Suggins's picture

I guess once you learn to give the secret blowjob, you're in the club for life.

 

Now its fixed.

 

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 12:59 | 2424182 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Speak for yourself, chief. My posts don't need fixing.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:08 | 2423511 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

I don't think we have enough ass left to take this one.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:18 | 2423552 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

He must know where all the bodies are buried.  Can't wait to see the skeleton crew he puts together.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:27 | 2423600 CPL
CPL's picture

He's about as qualified as they come.

 

I don't think anyone stopped to notice his health problems that are more than a little concerning.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 11:22 | 2423767 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Hey, does anyone know Matt Zames email address, I'd like to send him my resume and apply for a job on his prop-desk.

I mean, after the Clinton-Bush-Obama menage a trois, even I the great evil one has lost all scrupples.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 12:37 | 2424095 CPL
CPL's picture

His real email address that skips the army of personal assistants and his Black Berry PIN?

 

It can be arranged, I'm sure it's in his medical form somewhere.  

Install TOR

Go to HiddenWiki

Profit.

He's been on the Anon watchlists for a long time...a lot of personal habits of his have been recorded as well thanks in part to the Kami Anons.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:28 | 2423599 Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

Ask Moochelle.  She should have some to spare since Oblumber has "come out".

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:38 | 2423630 indygo55
indygo55's picture

He doesn't know it yet but he is the next guy in line for the guillitine.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:00 | 2423468 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Don't worry.....they've got all the kinks worked out now.

 

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:04 | 2423491 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

I am concerned that derivative production will accerlerate destruction of the whirled.

 

 

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:15 | 2423527 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

We've got the perfect way to play this scenario here at J.T. Marlin.

 

Contact our friendly staff to setup a meeting. Your parking will of course be validated.

 

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:15 | 2423537 sumo
sumo's picture

Yep, all the bugs have been resolved.

So, logically, this time is different.

 

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 11:23 | 2423605 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

This guy must have connections with the underworld because hell is about to break loose.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 12:12 | 2424017 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Man on a roll....

ori

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:17 | 2423542 Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

Without the fraud fed there are no buyers. Take today for example, green close to buffer European racket.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:37 | 2423623 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

I keep telling myself you can't make this shit up and then another dog takes a dump on the lawn.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 15:28 | 2423661 pkea
pkea's picture

k

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:56 | 2423456 schoolsout
schoolsout's picture

What?  It's only paper...

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:01 | 2423484 Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

Not even paper, but electronic ponzi.

Charles would love the digi age.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:45 | 2423647 SunnyDD
SunnyDD's picture

hehehe, not de zombies again..

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:52 | 2423653 pkea
pkea's picture

the liquefying man for the job ( who else can put hands on the people's money with more ease?)  i mean where are the DAs. pure corruption

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 15:47 | 2424717 ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

Martingale works with ZIRP for the Fed, not so fast Jake Dimon and MF Corzine. Use that paper up with vigor my lad, JFK is long gone, your last friend.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:56 | 2423450 Aziz
Aziz's picture

Jesus Tyler.

Don't JPM read Zero Hedge?

Don't they realise picking up nickels in front of a steamroller is a fast and easy way to lose all your money? 

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:59 | 2423460 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

It's scientific finance, what could possibly go wrong?

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:00 | 2423473 Aziz
Aziz's picture

I think the great danger is that it's mathematical finance, where perfect-world models that ignore hidden variables get broken up against the rocks of reality. The science (i.e. the data) says that it is a quick way to go broke, and all the fucking LTCM mathemagicians (they can make your money disappear) should know this better than anyone (except they don't).

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:18 | 2423548 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

They did not watch this video of Benoit Mandelbrot explaining why he thinks the global economy is in dire straits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLFkQdiXPbo

 

 

Privatized profit - socialized risk.

If I make money, it's MINE. If? I lose money, it's OURS.

Banking and insurance are screwing us in ways we can't even fathom.

We pay them for 'essential services' that we MUST have by law, yet when the house of cards they construct collapses, they run to the government (that they condemn for overregulation) for assistance like bunch of whining brats with empty bottles and full diapers.

They screw the pooch, and we pay the child support.

Insert cliche here

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:17 | 2423550 Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

Science is never a defense for fraud.

Shame on you.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:43 | 2423638 Killtruck
Killtruck's picture

Please send that gem over to NIST regarding their 9/11 investigation.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:57 | 2423451 bania
bania's picture

He's learned from his mistakes.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:57 | 2423452 Roland99
Roland99's picture

Repeating history, bitchez!

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:56 | 2423453 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

The Blackest of the Black Swans.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:01 | 2423485 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Yep...the Blackhole Swan. When it emerges, it sucks all fiat into its pull.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:08 | 2423509 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

~Blackhole Swan, won't you come, and wash away the rain.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 11:12 | 2423710 Bring the Gold
Bring the Gold's picture

"Hang my head...drown my fears...til all the fiat just disaaaapppeeearsssss Blackhole Swan won't you come, wooon't you come."

 

Love it Silvertree genius! WB7 worthy material.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:57 | 2423454 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

LOL.

Ah, the irony is rich with this one.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:09 | 2423517 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

i prefer the motivational speech of Baldwin in Glengarry Glenross

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:16 | 2423532 tocointhephrase
tocointhephrase's picture

ABC Bitchez

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:17 | 2423553 odatruf
odatruf's picture

Sure wish we'd get a nice set of steak knives for our troubles...

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:57 | 2423459 Zero Debt
Zero Debt's picture

This will end well.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 09:59 | 2423463 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

Everyone lube up and get ready to bend over.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:00 | 2423465 CClarity
CClarity's picture

Yep sure.  Let them regulate themselves.  They never repeat those mistakes.  /sarc off

A manipulated and medicated market cannot self correct until it sobers up.  No one sending it to rehab though.

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