Excerpts From Obama's Latest Keynesian Abortion: The "American Jobs Act" Aka The "This Time Will Be Different Act"

Tyler Durden's picture

The latest Keynesian abortion is here, and it has a name: the American Jobs Act. We are confused why this particular abortion does not have a version number: like 6.66, or AJA "Blue Screen of Death" Vista? Or perhaps the administration thinks the nation is too hungry and stupid to remember the Tax Cut Prevention Act of 2010, which crashed and burned within 2 months of its laudatory launch in December 2010, to do, yes, precisely what the AJA will try to do... all over again.

Leaked Excerpts via Market News:

The people of this country work hard to meet their responsibilities. The question tonight is whether we’ll meet ours. The question is whether, in the face of an ongoing national crisis, we can stop the political circus and actually do something to help the economy; whether we can restore some of the fairness and security that has defined this nation since our beginning.

Those of us here tonight cannot solve all of our nation’s woes. Ultimately, our recovery will be driven not by Washington, but by our businesses and our workers. But we can help. We can make a difference. There are steps we can take right now to improve people’s lives.

I am sending this Congress a plan that you should pass right away. It’s called the American Jobs Act. There should be nothing controversial about this piece of legislation. Everything in here is the kind of proposal that’s been supported by both Democrats and Republicans – including many who sit here tonight. And everything in this bill will be paid for. Everything. 

The purpose of the American Jobs Act is simple: to put more people back to work and more money in the pockets of those who are working. It will create more jobs for construction workers, more jobs for teachers, more jobs for veterans, and more jobs for the long-term unemployed. It will provide a tax break for companies who hire new workers, and it will cut payroll taxes in half for every working American and every small business. It will provide a jolt to an economy that has stalled, and give companies confidence that if they invest and hire, there will be customers for their products and services. You should pass this jobs plan right away.

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papaswamp's picture

Send it to the CBO to get scored...

Nascent_Variable's picture

Obama's new jobs bill is projected to create 1 billion new jobs over the next 50 years.  50 per year for 49 years, and 999,997,550 in 2061.

Later revised down to 50 in 2061.

FreedomGuy's picture

Rarely, I like sarcasm. This is one of those times. Well done.

mikmid's picture

(insert pucking sound) What a waste of popcorn.

--Freedom--'s picture

"everything in this bill will be paid for." can the folks at ZH check with their sources to find out if the details of this sentence have also been leaked? Would love to hear their plans. Don't need much...just an excel sheet or something showing where the 400 billion or so comes from.

kengland's picture

The theory being that the "bump" in GDP assumed by these measures will offset the cost.

--Freedom--'s picture

I see. Is there any evidence that this would work?

kengland's picture

Supply siders swear by it

--Freedom--'s picture

Never mind. Cnbc cleared it up. Democratic sources tell them that the 447 billion will be offset "in future years." I feel better now.

zenbones's picture

Yeah, instead of increasing spending by 20% every year, they'll only increase it by 19.5%.  Bless them all.

CH1's picture

Evidence??? They don't need no stinkin evidence!!

They're the government - they know better!

RichyRoo's picture

Evidence, evidence, we dont need no stinking evidence!

See this is post normal thinking, which is a unique philosophy.

You dont need evidence. What you need is to make a statement which nobody can prove is impossible, then claim huge benifits/avoidance of catastrophe from the consequences of the statement.

This is how climate science and economic science work now days.

Make a statement which isnt falsifiable and claim a large magnitude effect from it. Thats all.

kito's picture

paid for by the fed of course!!! 

Pool Shark's picture

No, Paid for by us taxpayers.

Obama's $400,000,000,000.00 price tag for this "program" equates to $1,300.00 from every man, woman, and child in the United States.

Yep; 'Change You Can Bereave In' indeed...


zenbones's picture

Paid for soon to be $20 a loaf of bread.

nmewn's picture

In a time of exploding government debts & deficits, Barry finds 300-400 billion in the couch cushions...just laying around...obviously not very badly needed.

Wouldn't it be great if he were actually looking for waste, fraud & abuse? ;-)

jerry_theking_lawler's picture

yes. and we were to officially be totally 'debt' free in 2015 (by 1996 surplus estimates)....


democrats 'paid for' speak is we pass it and then we will find a way to fund it....taxes, regulations, taxes, oh, and did i mention taxes...and if that doesn't work, then yes the FED will finance the deficit...

FreedomGuy's picture

Will be paid for with new loans from the Fed. QE unlimited. Printing presses are oiled, tuned and ready to go!

FreedomGuy's picture

Will be paid for with new loans from the Fed. QE unlimited. Printing presses are oiled, tuned and ready to go!

anynonmous's picture

No BS  there is something called

The American Jobs (and not tax loop holes) Act was proposed in 2010


here is Rep Lois Capps  on her youtube channel discussing it




and the PDF of the ACT



and this is what happened to that ACT


Nascent_Variable's picture

More like the Definition of Madness Act.

Rogier's picture

Creating more jobs when demand is absent. Truly brilliant...

cranky-old-geezer's picture



This is probably the best observation of the entire thread.   Well done.

Yes, creating jobs where there is no business need for those jobs is an insane move, and giving employers a tax break to hire more people is equally insane. 

If a business needs more people, they would be hired without a tax break.  If a business doesn't need more people, hiring more people to get a tax break would cost the business money and be foolish.

So no, a tax break won't work.

Elooie's picture

Whiny bitchez!

Blorf's picture

More apple pie for everyone!

kaiserhoff's picture

Even a worm learns.

bob_dabolina's picture

Stuff like this makes we want to have violent projectile vomiting from all orifices

Theta_Burn's picture



When all my dime dancing is through i run to you.....


HoofHearted's picture

AJA...makes me think of kAJAgoogoo, "You're too shy shy hush hush..."

Can someone tell Barry to hush hush and get back on the links?

Anonymouse's picture

Remember back when the purpose of taxes was to raise revenue for the government, and not an attempt to manipulate economic and personal decisions?  Neither do I

XRAYD's picture

"...whether we can restore some of the fairness and security that has defined this nation since our beginning."


He should ASK any BLACK family!  Really.

fourthousand's picture

This point cannot be stressed enough.

Cdad's picture

Abortion?  I thought President Zero was pro choice?

As for the speech and the almost certain mainframe stupidity based ES reaction...indeed, it should take very little time for that abortion to ocurr.  In the last two days, I have seen some of the WORST TRADING FROM THE LONG SIDE I HAVE EVER SEEN.  Clearly, someone forgot to give the algos their meds...or reprogram them to take into account....ANYTHING.

Even BlowHorn [CNBC] participants seem confused.  From the nanosecond money gang, Gee opened the show with a diatribe about "the technicals," setting up his commentary to be technically bullish, and then in the same breath...favored the downside.

Following up was the Negotiator [Tim, I think], who commented that we would come in under pressure after the zero effect of President Zero's speech...but then closed the show with bullishness on China inflation numbers to be released later tonight.

Now the equity market road is almost always tortured and twisted; however, many, many signals today indicated that...no one knows just what the fuck is going on right now.  

And then there is the Dixie.  Whatever the open, and whatever the close, that is one signal that seems crystal clear.  And never mind your uber rant about fiat paper...because this misses the point.  The point, of course, is that some of the very biggest trades out there are going to have to face the Dixie...and those trades are quite likely going to have to unwind.

Good luck out there, my brothers.  

Cdad...definitely feeling aggressive tendencies.

NotApplicable's picture

When I see the phrase Keynesian abortion, Steve Liesman comes to mind.

Cdad's picture

You know...sometimes an image just goes too damn far.  Throwing up a little in my mouth just now.  Thanks, buddy.

**Steve covered in afterbirth**

Blano's picture

I quit watching Slow Money when Jeff Macke went away.

JB's picture

The "American I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday for a Hamburger Today Act" bitchez!

Rob Jones's picture

And everything in this bill will be paid for. Everything.

I wonder how. Is the US going to sell off some of the national parks?

Cdad's picture

And the post office may have to close this winter.

Fuck if I know....

NotApplicable's picture

"The purpose of the American Jobs Act is simple: to pretend to do something leader-like in order to ensure my re-election. Hey! Who the fuck put that in my speech? That comment was supposed to be off the record."

oogs66's picture

he better be on time for this one, football starts!!!!!!!!!!

zenbones's picture

Can we get somebody to hack into the teleprompter?

fishface's picture

And everything in this bill will be paid for. Everything.

"You mean everything?"



reminds me of Timmy

NotApplicable's picture

Or the 100% sure Bernank.

The Proletariat's picture

They forgot to put the Chorus section between paragraphs: 


Standing Room only applause

Standing Room only applause

After last paragraph Roaring Applause - Random Hoorays from Rows 1, 6, 8, and 11 on the left side


Epicurus's picture

No. they're going to sell some gold. It has no other use...

Logans_Run's picture

The ABJ Act--Blow jobs for all!