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Excerpts From Obama's Latest Keynesian Abortion: The "American Jobs Act" Aka The "This Time Will Be Different Act"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

The latest Keynesian abortion is here, and it has a name: the American Jobs Act. We are confused why this particular abortion does not have a version number: like 6.66, or AJA "Blue Screen of Death" Vista? Or perhaps the administration thinks the nation is too hungry and stupid to remember the Tax Cut Prevention Act of 2010, which crashed and burned within 2 months of its laudatory launch in December 2010, to do, yes, precisely what the AJA will try to do... all over again.

Leaked Excerpts via Market News:

The people of this country work hard to meet their responsibilities. The question tonight is whether we’ll meet ours. The question is whether, in the face of an ongoing national crisis, we can stop the political circus and actually do something to help the economy; whether we can restore some of the fairness and security that has defined this nation since our beginning.

Those of us here tonight cannot solve all of our nation’s woes. Ultimately, our recovery will be driven not by Washington, but by our businesses and our workers. But we can help. We can make a difference. There are steps we can take right now to improve people’s lives.

I am sending this Congress a plan that you should pass right away. It’s called the American Jobs Act. There should be nothing controversial about this piece of legislation. Everything in here is the kind of proposal that’s been supported by both Democrats and Republicans – including many who sit here tonight. And everything in this bill will be paid for. Everything. 

The purpose of the American Jobs Act is simple: to put more people back to work and more money in the pockets of those who are working. It will create more jobs for construction workers, more jobs for teachers, more jobs for veterans, and more jobs for the long-term unemployed. It will provide a tax break for companies who hire new workers, and it will cut payroll taxes in half for every working American and every small business. It will provide a jolt to an economy that has stalled, and give companies confidence that if they invest and hire, there will be customers for their products and services. You should pass this jobs plan right away.

 

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Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:21 | 1648049 papaswamp
papaswamp's picture

Send it to the CBO to get scored...

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:36 | 1648102 Nascent_Variable
Nascent_Variable's picture

Obama's new jobs bill is projected to create 1 billion new jobs over the next 50 years.  50 per year for 49 years, and 999,997,550 in 2061.

Later revised down to 50 in 2061.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:59 | 1648172 RichyRoo
RichyRoo's picture

+1 oz

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:06 | 1648207 zenbones
zenbones's picture

There's always a revision.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:32 | 1648445 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

Rarely, I like sarcasm. This is one of those times. Well done.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:21 | 1648052 mikmid
mikmid's picture

(insert pucking sound) What a waste of popcorn.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:33 | 1648090 --Freedom--
--Freedom--'s picture

"everything in this bill will be paid for." can the folks at ZH check with their sources to find out if the details of this sentence have also been leaked? Would love to hear their plans. Don't need much...just an excel sheet or something showing where the 400 billion or so comes from.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:38 | 1648107 kengland
kengland's picture

The theory being that the "bump" in GDP assumed by these measures will offset the cost.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:42 | 1648126 --Freedom--
--Freedom--'s picture

I see. Is there any evidence that this would work?

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:52 | 1648154 kengland
kengland's picture

Supply siders swear by it

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:04 | 1648193 --Freedom--
--Freedom--'s picture

Never mind. Cnbc cleared it up. Democratic sources tell them that the 447 billion will be offset "in future years." I feel better now.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:08 | 1648221 zenbones
zenbones's picture

Yeah, instead of increasing spending by 20% every year, they'll only increase it by 19.5%.  Bless them all.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:04 | 1648194 CH1
CH1's picture

Evidence??? They don't need no stinkin evidence!!

They're the government - they know better!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:05 | 1648202 RichyRoo
RichyRoo's picture

Evidence, evidence, we dont need no stinking evidence!

See this is post normal thinking, which is a unique philosophy.

You dont need evidence. What you need is to make a statement which nobody can prove is impossible, then claim huge benifits/avoidance of catastrophe from the consequences of the statement.

This is how climate science and economic science work now days.

Make a statement which isnt falsifiable and claim a large magnitude effect from it. Thats all.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:38 | 1648111 kito
kito's picture

paid for by the fed of course!!! 

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:04 | 1648191 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

No, Paid for by us taxpayers.

Obama's $400,000,000,000.00 price tag for this "program" equates to $1,300.00 from every man, woman, and child in the United States.

Yep; 'Change You Can Bereave In' indeed...

 

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:09 | 1648231 zenbones
zenbones's picture

Paid for soon to be $20 a loaf of bread.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:50 | 1648149 nmewn
nmewn's picture

In a time of exploding government debts & deficits, Barry finds 300-400 billion in the couch cushions...just laying around...obviously not very badly needed.

Wouldn't it be great if he were actually looking for waste, fraud & abuse? ;-)

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:53 | 1648158 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

yes. and we were to officially be totally 'debt' free in 2015 (by 1996 surplus estimates)....

 

democrats 'paid for' speak is we pass it and then we will find a way to fund it....taxes, regulations, taxes, oh, and did i mention taxes...and if that doesn't work, then yes the FED will finance the deficit...

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:37 | 1648480 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

Will be paid for with new loans from the Fed. QE unlimited. Printing presses are oiled, tuned and ready to go!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:37 | 1648481 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

Will be paid for with new loans from the Fed. QE unlimited. Printing presses are oiled, tuned and ready to go!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:41 | 1648053 anynonmous
anynonmous's picture

No BS  there is something called

The American Jobs (and not tax loop holes) Act was proposed in 2010

 

here is Rep Lois Capps  on her youtube channel discussing it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyXltyWyplw

http://capps.house.gov/

 

and the PDF of the ACT

http://waysandmeans.house.gov/media/pdf/111/America_Jobs_Summary.pdf

 

and this is what happened to that ACT

http://www.schneiderdowns.com/Tax_Extenders_Legislation

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:23 | 1648057 Nascent_Variable
Nascent_Variable's picture

More like the Definition of Madness Act.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:24 | 1648059 Rogier
Rogier's picture

Creating more jobs when demand is absent. Truly brilliant...

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 21:47 | 1649193 cranky-old-geezer
cranky-old-geezer's picture

 

 

This is probably the best observation of the entire thread.   Well done.

Yes, creating jobs where there is no business need for those jobs is an insane move, and giving employers a tax break to hire more people is equally insane. 

If a business needs more people, they would be hired without a tax break.  If a business doesn't need more people, hiring more people to get a tax break would cost the business money and be foolish.

So no, a tax break won't work.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:25 | 1648065 Elooie
Elooie's picture

Whiny bitchez!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:25 | 1648066 Blorf
Blorf's picture

More apple pie for everyone!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:27 | 1648071 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Even a worm learns.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:32 | 1648073 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

Stuff like this makes we want to have violent projectile vomiting from all orifices

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:28 | 1648077 Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

 

AJA

When all my dime dancing is through i run to you.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaNt5S9pibQ

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:09 | 1648228 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

AJA...makes me think of kAJAgoogoo, "You're too shy shy hush hush..."

Can someone tell Barry to hush hush and get back on the links?

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:29 | 1648081 Anonymouse
Anonymouse's picture

Remember back when the purpose of taxes was to raise revenue for the government, and not an attempt to manipulate economic and personal decisions?  Neither do I

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:32 | 1648087 XRAYD
XRAYD's picture

"...whether we can restore some of the fairness and security that has defined this nation since our beginning."

 

He should ASK any BLACK family!  Really.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:01 | 1648179 fourthousand
fourthousand's picture

This point cannot be stressed enough.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:32 | 1648089 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Abortion?  I thought President Zero was pro choice?

As for the speech and the almost certain mainframe stupidity based ES reaction...indeed, it should take very little time for that abortion to ocurr.  In the last two days, I have seen some of the WORST TRADING FROM THE LONG SIDE I HAVE EVER SEEN.  Clearly, someone forgot to give the algos their meds...or reprogram them to take into account....ANYTHING.

Even BlowHorn [CNBC] participants seem confused.  From the nanosecond money gang, Gee opened the show with a diatribe about "the technicals," setting up his commentary to be technically bullish, and then in the same breath...favored the downside.

Following up was the Negotiator [Tim, I think], who commented that we would come in under pressure after the zero effect of President Zero's speech...but then closed the show with bullishness on China inflation numbers to be released later tonight.

Now the equity market road is almost always tortured and twisted; however, many, many signals today indicated that...no one knows just what the fuck is going on right now.  

And then there is the Dixie.  Whatever the open, and whatever the close, that is one signal that seems crystal clear.  And never mind your uber rant about fiat paper...because this misses the point.  The point, of course, is that some of the very biggest trades out there are going to have to face the Dixie...and those trades are quite likely going to have to unwind.

Good luck out there, my brothers.  

Cdad...definitely feeling aggressive tendencies.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:41 | 1648121 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

When I see the phrase Keynesian abortion, Steve Liesman comes to mind.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:45 | 1648127 Cdad
Cdad's picture

You know...sometimes an image just goes too damn far.  Throwing up a little in my mouth just now.  Thanks, buddy.

**Steve covered in afterbirth**

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:54 | 1648161 Blano
Blano's picture

I quit watching Slow Money when Jeff Macke went away.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:34 | 1648095 JB
JB's picture

The "American I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday for a Hamburger Today Act" bitchez!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:34 | 1648097 Rob Jones
Rob Jones's picture

And everything in this bill will be paid for. Everything.

I wonder how. Is the US going to sell off some of the national parks?

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:37 | 1648103 Cdad
Cdad's picture

And the post office may have to close this winter.

Fuck if I know....

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:39 | 1648112 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

"The purpose of the American Jobs Act is simple: to pretend to do something leader-like in order to ensure my re-election. Hey! Who the fuck put that in my speech? That comment was supposed to be off the record."

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:51 | 1648150 oogs66
oogs66's picture

he better be on time for this one, football starts!!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 20:05 | 1648662 djsmps
djsmps's picture

He wasn't.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:13 | 1648259 zenbones
zenbones's picture

Can we get somebody to hack into the teleprompter?

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:40 | 1648115 fishface
fishface's picture

And everything in this bill will be paid for. Everything.


"You mean everything?"

"Everything"

 

reminds me of Timmy

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:42 | 1648124 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Or the 100% sure Bernank.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:44 | 1648130 The Proletariat
The Proletariat's picture

They forgot to put the Chorus section between paragraphs: 

Chorus

Standing Room only applause

Standing Room only applause

After last paragraph Roaring Applause - Random Hoorays from Rows 1, 6, 8, and 11 on the left side

 

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:44 | 1648131 Epicurus
Epicurus's picture

No. they're going to sell some gold. It has no other use...

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:46 | 1648136 Logans_Run
Logans_Run's picture

The ABJ Act--Blow jobs for all!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:54 | 1648165 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Clap! Clap! you beat me to the slap and tickle LR! ;)

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:46 | 1648138 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

The Bank Pack Man is hungry.  Gobbling up all available Money.  They need MORE MORE MORE.

All Americans need to do is to agree to a little more austerity.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:50 | 1648144 Landrew
Landrew's picture

Why is this cry baby Rick Perry crying for GOVERNMENT AID! What a fucking mooch!

http://news.yahoo.com/texas-wildfires-rick-perrys-federal-aid-demand-hypocritical-104900608.html

How can he hold his head up to the shame! I was a believer and now no longer! I live in IL. no chance my money goes to Texas, let it burn until he can fight the fire with the down-sized forest fire fighting he cut!

What a fucking hypocrite! Man up Perry go it alone!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:50 | 1648148 drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

"It will provide a tax break for companies who hire new workers"

 

will the tax break be larger than the salary and benefits the companies will have to pay the unwanted workers?  

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:06 | 1648208 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

Also, will the newly-hired workers have to be American?

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:15 | 1648284 zenbones
zenbones's picture

no señor

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:51 | 1648152 Kreditanstalt
Kreditanstalt's picture

Huh!?  I don't want "fairness" and "security" because those are codewords for confiscatory taxation and the surveillance state.

And LIFE isn't "fair" or "secure" either...

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:01 | 1648181 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

AMEN!! Where is fair in the Constitution? And security, only for my RIGHTS and property. Thanks.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:03 | 1648187 RichyRoo
RichyRoo's picture

what happened to Life Liberty and justice for all? Life Liberty and the pursuit of Happinness? Truth Justice and the American Way? Sounds like TOTUS is rewriting history.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:59 | 1648631 honestann
honestann's picture

Where is liberty or justice for anyone?  Gone.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 21:18 | 1649027 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Truth Justice and the American Way?

Sounds like RichyRoo is quoting Superman comics.

Maybe you don't know it but Superman renounced his U.S. Citizenship? :)

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:52 | 1648153 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

Pathetic Bubba Zero, Just Pathetic!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:52 | 1648157 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

I propose the following stimulatory package: The American Blowjobs Act

Makes about as much sense!

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:02 | 1648186 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

ok, you and i can start...you blow me and we'll put in a grant for the .gov to pay for it...thanks.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 21:00 | 1648985 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Sorry jerry, I don't have the proper qualifications. You will have to wait till I get my Opportunity.gov education and retraining grant first.

Then its off to New Orleans for a month long course in Bourbon Street, back ally balling. Then Amsterdam 's Red light District for my advanced course in circle jerkology.

Unfortunately by then, with all my advanced training, I may be overqualified for such a simple job.

:)

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 18:55 | 1648166 Blano
Blano's picture

I think I'll just throw on an X-men movie 'til the Packers game starts.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:12 | 1648249 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Carter 2.0 coupled with Keynes 2.5 T; Kabuki Dancing queens Blarney

Berny, Ben and Timmy and sprinkle in a few Solyndras,

and Obummer Jobs 2.0 =

Result: = Greece 00.0  with a coupla Zillion worthless Euros  thrown in, Trichet,

 

Deutscheland, uber alles.  LOL  

 

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:12 | 1648251 adr
adr's picture

Wait wait wait, IT WILL CUT PAYROLL TAXES IN HALF FOR EVERY AMERICAN????

Well then I better see an extra $400 in my next check then. And this is paid for how????

What about the people who pay no taxes???

They get an extra $2000 every month right???

I wish there was a giant earthquake under the capital right now.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:58 | 1648625 honestann
honestann's picture

At least richter 23.

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 19:38 | 1648487 Fox-Scully
Fox-Scully's picture

Obviously a typo in the title.  It should read The American Jobbed Act

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 20:33 | 1648823 vincent
vincent's picture

Those banker fellas will give him all the money he wants, followed immediately by immuniuty from prosecution for all crimes related to the fleecing of America.

Problem is they screwed everybody else in the world too.

Happily for them they can retreat into exile in their own country.  Better than paying someone 8 bucks a month to do your laundry, or "that other stuff"... you know...

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 21:42 | 1649170 carlnpa
carlnpa's picture

Why don't they just suspend H1-B visa programs for awhile.  Those are real jobs taken from americans by cheap foreign labor.

Please, anyone who reads this, type H1-B into your search engine.  Literally hundreds of offers to bring cheap foreign labor in.

Please tell your rep to shut this fucking program down, with real jobs, that pay real money and have benefiits for the american middle class.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!