FBI Opens Inquiry Into JPM Loss

Tyler Durden's picture

Earlier we were complaining that the newsflow was on its way to getting full-retard surreal. It just crossed that line.

From NBC:

NY FBI Opens Inquiry into JPMorgan Chase Loss


The FBI in New York has opened an inquiry into JP Morgan Chase's $2 billion loss, NBC 4 New York has learned.


People familiar with the matter tell NBC 4 New York that the inquiry is not a criminal investigation. The FBI is taking a preliminary look at the incident.


JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon disclosed last week that the bank had lost the $2 billion by making a bad bet with so-called credit derivatives.


Investors lopped off nearly 10 percent from JPMorgan's stock price the next day, and 3 percent more on Monday. Since Dimon made the announcement, nearly $20 billion in market value has evaporated.

Sooooo: FBI jobs created or saved investigating JPM: +10,000?

Translated: the FBI has been unleashed to investigate how a bailed out TBTF bank with full government backstop can possibly lose money, and to arrest those responsible.

The good news: this surely means that the FBI will certainly now look at recent vaporization events at MF Global. Right??? Right???

The scariest news of the day: FBI agents are now using Bloomberg Terminals.

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Lost Wages's picture

FBI and DOJ want their bribes and this will all be smoothed over.

Pladizow's picture

To simply quiet the heard until they forget!

Perhaps JPM should donate to the retired FBI pension fund?

hedgeless_horseman's picture



Investors lopped off nearly 10 percent from JPMorgan's stock price the next day, and 3 percent more on Monday. Since Dimon made the announcement, nearly $20 billion in market value has evaporated.

Selling is a crime. 

WhyDoesItHurtWhen iPee's picture

Who would all these sellers be with all that capital?

The Big Ching-aso's picture



I hope this isn't another fake bank investigation.

Sudden Debt's picture


Good one...

It's as real as it gets. The mailboy who just got promoted is going to go to jail for the next 40 years and justice will be served!

macholatte's picture

 Obama confirms Wall St is a casino.


Just hours after a top JPMorgan Chase executive retired in the wake of a stunning $2 billion trading loss, President Obama told the hosts of ABC’s “The View” that the bank’s risky bets exemplified the need for Wall Street reform.

“JPMorgan is one of the best-managed banks there is. Jamie Dimon, the head of it, is one of the smartest bankers we got and they still lost $2 billion and counting,” the president said. “We don’t know all the details. It’s going to be investigated, but this is why we passed Wall Street reform.”


“This is the best, or one of the best-managed banks. You could have a bank that isn’t as strong, isn’t as profitable making those same bets and we might have had to step in,” Obama said.  “That’s exactly why Wall Street reform’s so important.”



Obama: JPMorgan Is ‘One of the Best-Managed Banks’


john39's picture

... the "view"... is that what passes for journalism these days...   as if the "respectable outlets" aren't joke enough.  the totus has to go on the view.   somone please make it stop.

JPM Hater001's picture

I love when they post stories from the onion.

Nothin gonna fucking happen.

Joe Sixpack's picture

Replying to the main article:


It is quite clear what just happened- the Fed and/or the plunge protection team (if not the same) just lost their (our) ass on JPM stock.

AldousHuxley's picture

FBI must have their pension funds invested in JP Morgan

monoloco's picture

Obama:"it's going to be investigated" translation: Yo Jamie, bro, you better step up the fundraising. Barack

AlaricBalth's picture

What the FBI should look into is how these banks are able to obstruct price discovery on Level 3 assets which allows them to conceal losses. They book gains immediately as they occur, for obvious reasons, but delay reporting losses through the suspension of trading on certain Level 3 assets thereby manipulating price discovery which lets them hold back reporting of losses until they get too big.


(Like JPM's $2,000,000,000,000 loss)

SheepDog-One's picture

Exactly....the FBI is investigating all the terrorists who sold off their JPM stocks.

Ljoot's picture

Selling is a crime. 


That's why I buy SKF.


Silver Bully's picture

'Selling is a crime. '

The Arrests Will Continue Until Morale Improves.

The Big Ching-aso's picture



If JPM is a best-managed bank then the Hindenburg was a well-flown blimp up until it exploded in flames.

jekyll island's picture

FBI gonna have to broaden the investigation when all the $700 trillion CDS go "poof" like MF Global.  They are going to need more FBI agents.  And terminals. 

pkea's picture

the real question is who is pulling the fbi's tail to do it....

narnia's picture

the FBI has to go in and assume juristictional supremacy so real police work cannot be done.  

Cursive's picture


FTMFW!  Nothing like a cover-up.

Badabing's picture

The FBI must have consulted Munger and Buffet about investing in a nice company like (the morg) instead of gold!

The Big Ching-aso's picture



This is the kind of assignment a rookie gets to see if he can handle the rigors of going-nowhere investigations.

Bananamerican's picture

"Well Mr President, we've checked out the allegations....Good news sir, they're clean...just good men, doing good work, keeping america's financial sytem strong, providing liquidity...We've seen since '08 how men of great wealth and integrity can make mistakes too. But it's a testament to their overall integrity that none have been indicted in that entire time period. Now you'll have to excuse me. We've discovered a financial propaganda terror cell online..."

pkea's picture

ha, is anyone in doubt that the major chase's shareholder isn't on the prez's speed dial:)

The Big Ching-aso's picture



How this pans out.............

"Did you lose that money by illegal methods, or other nefarious means of which you can divulge now?"


"Are you absolutely, positively, conclusively beyond a shadow of a doubt sure?"


"Ok.   Well that's good enough for us.   This inquiry is now closed."


The Third Man's picture

Ahhhh.....the memory hole. It's one thing that the government is especially good at.

Name the American soldier who allegedly shot and killed 16 Afghan civilians less than 2 months ago.

pkea's picture

they better open an inquiry  into who replaced drew and what zames will do from now



sunaJ's picture

Official Inquiry:

[Knock, knock]

Holder: Hi, Jamie.  Is there anything I can do to help?

Dimon: Nah, I'll call you if I need you.

Holder:  Okay, have a nice day.



earleflorida's picture

Sad, isn't it, what we've become? Cronies for politicians selecting Judges, FBI & CIA heads! Pure,... unadulterated 'Feudalism' with a neo-fascist twist to prevent the 'Vassal [S]' from fracking! 

The ever evolving, USSA!!!

Ruffcut's picture

What so they distract from that shitbag corzine? Yep, they are going over for donuts and crack.

Elwood P Suggins's picture

I lost a dime last week.  Wonder if they'll do an investigation for me?  Nice to know the FBI has all these people sitting around waiting for something like this.  Guess there's no real crime in the country anymore.

B-rock's picture

PTFD.  Prosecute the fucking dip.

LMAOLORI's picture

Most important sentence of the article NOT A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION

People familiar with the matter tell NBC 4 New York that the inquiry is not a criminal investigation.

earnyermoney's picture

It's a consulting gig. Cleaning up the crime scene.

Mentaliusanything's picture

Cleaning up the crime scene AND learning how the experts hide the facts. The FBI would love to know how to make money disappear so it can be repothicated elsewere for use in.... shall we say .... well away from prying eyes and bespectacled account auditors.

Fully funded black ops is De rigur ... Booo yyaaa

NotApplicable's picture

Well, of course not. Any crimes were committed long before they legitimately lost the money.

No, this is the "Acting tough on our buddies." section of the script for the upcoming battle "Pretenda in Novemba."

trgfunds's picture

Who the hell gave you a down arrow?! must be the two morons left still holding on to the idea that the FBI/DOJ are still the good guys lol. Bet they have a US flag hanging outside their house. USA! USA! :/

I sir, give you an up arrow!

mayhem_korner's picture



This is how the FBI agents get in on the hookers & blow.

fuu's picture

Since the SS connection got outed.

NotApplicable's picture

You mean "Top Shelf" hookers and blow. They've always got crack-hos to fall back on.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Oh please.

The FBI is too busy creating/manufacturing domestic terrorists out of thin air to actually investigate JP Morgue.

Who says manufacturing is dead in America?

Cdad's picture

I'm not familiar with this trade...

Is being investigated by the FBI bullish?  Thanks in advance.

confused Cdad

Manthong's picture

Lehman Brothers was to Goldman Sachs what

JPM is to    G______ S____ ?  (fill in the blanks) 


upWising's picture

Greek Sausage

Greek Shares

the possibilites are endlesss.......................

DaveyJones's picture

William Black on JP truthiness, hedginess and other criminal attributes of TBTF 


go to min 14:30