Federal Reserve 'Complete Re-education And Positivism' Plan About To Begin

Tyler Durden's picture

The global printer-in-chief is about to address educators in Washington DC (via the video conference stream below) focusing on the need for personal financial education in the wake of the financial crisis. We suggested a name for the plan: The 'Complete Re-education And Positivism' Plan but given the audience was K-12 educators of economics, the C-R-A-P Plan just did not seem appropriate. Perhaps his proposal is the BTFD Plan?


Will he suggest investors do what the Fed does and buy Treasuries? If not why not? Is buying Treasuries a bad idea? Are they not safe? What should a personal financial advisor propose to his clients? Do tell Ben, do tell? How much gold should a small-town teacher hold in their personal portfolio? We can only imagine the level of hypocrisy about to begin...



There will be a Q&A - perhaps we should note down some useful questions we'd all like to know? e.g. Where do the money trees grow?

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SeverinSlade's picture

TSYs are safe because they are backed by the full faith and credit of the US government (trust us).

Gold, on the other hand, is a barberous relic that is backed by nothing.  What?  It was the most stable form of money for 5000+ years?  Hold on a sec, I'm calling DHS and advising them to prepare a nice cell for you at your local FEMA camp.  Gotta put you conspiracy theorists somewhere.

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Is it a job job requirement that any new fed chairman must love to hear himself talk? 

Bernanke is actually catching up to Greenspan

optimator's picture

The requirement is to talk -- but not say anything.

hedgeless_horseman's picture



I pray a child asks the following question... 

The Federal Reserve regulates the banks, right?  The same banks that are shareholders in the Federal Reserve, right?  How is that not a conflict of interest?

engineertheeconomy's picture

I wish a child would ask him why the hell its ok for him to print himself an unlimited quanity of money for the cost of paper and ink, but it's not ok for "we the people" to govern ourselves and print our own godamned money

then I wish the child would suggest to him that he print the word "Principle" on the green Dollars that he loans out, and print the word "Interest"  on some RED Dollars (that never actually get loaned out), so that he could learn that in order  to be able to pay interest (at any percentage rate) you would have to be able to defy the laws of known Physics

ZerOhead's picture

BTW.. thats principal not principle. As we all know banking, like raping and pillaging, has no principles...

Great idea on the GREEN/RED dollars thing.

Perhaps RED dollars (for interest payment) can best be best explained as GREEN dollars that have't been born as debt servitude yet...

engineertheeconomy's picture

Somebody could come up with a Monopoly game for kids (and their mentally challenged teachers that appear to have severe cognitive difficulties), where you take out an additional loan to pay the interest on your existing loan, every time you pass go. Oh, and inflation causes the price of everything to double every throw of the dice. One more thing, the Banker gets to print himself all the money he wants, no exceptions. Seems like a fair game to me...



economics9698's picture

Kids the Federal Reserve is your master.  No matter how hard you work and how much money you save we can take your money and possessions anytime we want. 

If you make $200 we can print $300.

If you make $500 we can print $600.

We choose the banks that get the money; we can buy anything we want because we print the money.

Hollywood, CBS, ABC, NBC, politicians, businesses, revolutions, anything we want.

And we fool you every time by blaming capitalist, speculators, China, Russia, Japan, and the gullible fools fall for it every time.

We are Gods chosen people and when we get a chance we will kill as many Goyums as possible except the chicks we can fuck on the weekends.

Aziz's picture

Ben Bernanke has a fucking awesome beard.

engineertheeconomy's picture

The cocksucker has sunk to an all time low today. He's licking cum off of a donkey dong, and he's doing it for a few extra worthless cents that he doesn't even need. The guy knows no shame. He has no moral compass. No integrity. No values. No dignity. No self respect. He gives new meaning to the word "Malevolent". I can't think of a punishment painfull enough for the son of a bitch

engineertheeconomy's picture

"Complete re-education and positivism plan for Educators"

Re-education = Incrementally increasing the BRAINWASHING REGIMEN

Positivity = Complete submission and blind obedience without question or any thought whatsoever

Educators = Accomplices in Crime, for a meanial paycheck about to be sucked into a black hole  called inflation

engineertheeconomy's picture

And where did they find all those Teacher ACTORS?

They should send the entire lot of them to IRAN to be HUNG

Temporalist's picture
GATA's Chris Powell on the Silver Manipulation Probe & the Fed Gold Audit




The Big Ching-aso's picture



This appears to be a short yellow bus accelerated online program.


AGuy's picture

Reminds me  of the old Ronco commericals back in the 1970s and 1980s. Anyone remember the Ronco Pocket fisherman?


The Feds new commerical, for the Bernak-O-matic:

"No longer do you need to worry about CDO and Subprime loans gone bad. With the Benank-O-Matic you can print new cash on demand. Its so small it can fit in side of your back-pocket. With is invisble cloak it can be hidden in the smallest places so no one knows you have it."

[Cut to customer: the Banker]. I was worried that the rating agencies would cut our company's credit rating to Junk once they discovered all of the crappy assets we had. But with the Bernake-O-Matic, we were able to re-inflate our balance sheets with newly minted cash! Thanks Bernak-O-Matic!


[Cut to Customer: the Insurance CEO]. We sold a ton of insurance on worthless Subprime deals in order to inflate our collapsing earnings. Because of the Credit collapse of 2008 we were flat dead broke and owed half-a-trillion in insurance claims. But with the Bernak-O-matic we made a complete turn around. We done so well, we started  doing stock buy-backs again. Thanks Bernak-O-Matic!



jumbo maverick's picture

Monopoly has a game out where you don't even use cash anymore. Everything is done using a debit/credit card. The little 7 year old girl tells her dad how to put the card into the machine and just enter his PIN to buy. You can see the commercial on YouTube if you want although you can probably just stand inside any convience store to see this in real life.

Physical PMs ARE going to mean something within a few years. The younger generations are being led to believe that money is on a plastic card. They don't even know how to count change. They don't know what actual gold and silver coin are. Wait until the current system crashes. If you are holding physical you will be much better off than most everyone you know, at least financially. Most of the population has no idea what is happening and just wait...what a big surprise this is all going to be.

technicalanarchy's picture

Love it! I think that everyone should play with Monopoly money except the banker can use an excel spread sheet and create money with a key stroke. And when a player buys a property they must also pay taxes, permits and fees to the banker.

If a player builds a hotel, I think the player should randomly be fined for infractions. Also if a hotel isn't built soon enough the property can be confiscated for a higher and better use, by the banker.

I think it would also be nice if the cost of the properties were in payments instead of full ownership (the interest rate could be changed randomly or perhaps the other players could dedcide what they think their interest rate should be if they were borrowing money.) Instead of boardwalk costing $400 just add ,000 behind all the property prices, get a down payment or not and have the banker collect the interest. houses and hotels the same way.

TruthInSunshine's picture

The Bernank says that "one of the most exciting times as an educator is when a student grasps the concept of the 'invisible hand' of the market dynamic..."



Too surreal for any response.

Revert_Back_to_1792_Act's picture

Jefferson was sharp.

"It should be remembered, as an axiom of eternal truth in politics, that whatever power in any government is independent, is absolute also; in theory only, at first, while the spirit of the people is up, but in practice, as fast as that relaxes. Independence can be trusted nowhere but with the people in mass." -Thomas Jefferson to Spencer Roanne

Full letter here;


I would just like to know what 'transmogrified' means.



LawsofPhysics's picture

One among many good questions, mine would be more focused on "transparency".  HH, the answer to most of our questions no doubt would be, "because the U.S. military says so".

engineertheeconomy's picture


But, like Henry Ford said, if every child knew what Ben was really up to, they would grab their parents guns and shut the government down today.

It will be interesting to see what the Military  does some day when  they lose their ability to brainwash our children and do not have any soldiers to do their dirty work...

SeverinSlade's picture

Another good question would be, "Isn't the Federal Reserve guilty of counterfeiting according to the US Constitution?  The Constitution says that only gold and silver are legal forms of tender...So since Nixon removed the gold peg from the USD in the 60s, hasn't the Fed become the world's/history's biggest counterfeiting operation?"

engineertheeconomy's picture

Correct. Ben is Global Counterfeiter numero uno

pods's picture

Well that is when it gets iffy.

See, the constitution specifies that the states are prohibited from making anything but gold or silver legal tender in payment of debts (Article I, section 10).

This was specifically written for the states, not the federal government.  So technically, the federal government could coin money and make them legal tender.

This is why they had to pass the coinage act of 1792, as congress was given the responsibility of coining money, regulating the value, etc.  Of course, "regulating the value" has been bastardized to where we are today, instead of specifying content and purity.  Now sadly we only have debt money.

IIRC, we do not even PAY debts anymore, we merely discharge them under the UCC.


engineertheeconomy's picture

Cocksucker Bernanke...

Surprised he's not giving the speech (lies) to a kindergarten class

SeverinSlade's picture

Can someone throw a goddamn shoe already?

vast-dom's picture

"how the stock market works to make you better understand how to invest" "basic understanding of modern gov" etc 





Freewheelin Franklin's picture

TSYs are safe because they are backed by the full faith and credit of the US government


You mean, the ability of the government to tax its citizenry, and place them in FEMA work camps if they refuse, right?   


[ 1/2 sarc]

Jay Gould Esq.'s picture


We need read no more; this is but a pep rally for the Administration's voting and contributing Faithful: membership of the AFT and the NEA.

azzhatter's picture

Fuck You Ben Bernanke- Fuck You very much

Zionist Jew's picture

That's no way to talk to your superior.

Mr Bernanke knows more about finance than all you antisemitic goyim ever will.  Setting up a counterfeiting operation and collecting income tax to service the debt created in the process is brilliant.  We've been gettting away with it for nearly a hundred years, and will continue to get away with it while you knuckle dragging mouth breathers binge drink budweiser and bark at your television.

magpie's picture

Careful there, there are also plenty of capable Aryan and Asian banksters around.

SeverinSlade's picture

Hahahaha.  You are INVESTING in your own human capital by buying into the student debt bubble.  Amazing.

SeverinSlade's picture

Ben, why not let students practice being Fed Chairman?  It's a very low cost education course.  You don't even need a computer.  Just provide students with a keyboard and teach them how to hit CTRL-P.  There, you just solved the future's debt problem.

Sooner or later though, when the system crashes, students will need to be trained how to hit CTRL-ALT-DELETE.

Dr. Richard Head's picture

It's so easy, even a beardman can do it.

"Uggg Bernanke print money ugggg!!!"

NotApplicable's picture

He should call it "Conjuring Capital."

Revert_Back_to_1792_Act's picture

I posted this below but thie proper term is 'Transmogrfied' - Per Jerry Nelson.  See this clip.



CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

Hey, I've got a beard. It's backed by the full faith and credit of my follicles. Hope they don't take a haircut.

lizzy36's picture

Maxine Waters should be auditing this session. Prepare her for heading the House Financial Services Committe, next year.

ONO47's picture

Oh that's great, Maxine at the helm. At least we will have a little comedy while Rome is burning.

CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

That woman gives self righteous stupidity a bad name. Or at least a worse name.

Overfed's picture

Maxine Waters makes people with Down's Syndrome sound like friggin' geniuses.

daxtonbrown's picture

I wish my education had included courses on how to print money out of thin air and how to lie out my butt to gullible peons like cheesedick Bernanke. I could have been a contender.

machineh's picture

Sociopathy: you too can shed your useless conscience and make money the bankster way: cheat, steal, forge and lie.

reader2010's picture

It's called Unlearn & Relearn by the Ministry of Truth.

pods's picture

How many fingers Winston!