On The Fed's Sudden Need For "Risk Managers" And "Financial Engineers"

Tyler Durden's picture


There was a time when getting a stable, lucrative financial job meant working for a hedge fund, preferably in the risk department. It still does: the biggest and most profitable hedge fund of all - the Federal Reserve - as well as its various adjunct "all P no L" offices, and judging by the spike in recent job wanted posting by said hedge fund et al, things are looking up for those who want to manage taxpayer funded "risk." For the job seekers our there disillusioned with a 2 and 20 model that no longer works in the new central planning normal, get involved. As for why the Fed would suddenly be fascinated with risk now, after its DV01 is well over $2 billion, we have no ready answers.

More here

h/t C

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Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:23 | 2720410 bnbdnb
bnbdnb's picture

No risk. Just BTFD.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:26 | 2720421 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Just throw QE cash at the dips.....it's always worked before. No real need to call in the professionals.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:38 | 2720454 Precious
Precious's picture

They also have HR openings for bullshit artists making up career titles.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:46 | 2720477 Manthong
Manthong's picture

$192K/yr for a "Financial Engineer" at the SEC..

and they can't (won't)  even add 2 + 2 to figure out that Corzine's a crook.


Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:52 | 2720500 Precious
Precious's picture

"financial engineer" is shorthand for "estimates predicated on abstractions".

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:07 | 2720534 Poetic injustice
Poetic injustice's picture

You have to skillfully paper over any issues.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:28 | 2720585 Precious
Precious's picture

"financial engineer" is the guy that oils the machine that prints the currency.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:46 | 2720645 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

I know how to use an Etch a sketch

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 13:11 | 2720900 knukles
knukles's picture

Best way for the gubamint to mamage risk is to cease creating risk... by shutting down, extended holiday, whatever.
Just go away.
A long long way away.

Like small children, neither seen nor heard.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 13:47 | 2721040 no taste
no taste's picture

Free Jon Corzine!  http://howstupidare.blogspot.com/

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:23 | 2720553 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture



"Manthong and they can't (won't)  even add 2 + 2 to figure out that Corzine's a crook."


Thumbs up but isn't that supposed to fall under the DOJ?


Report: Cronyism, political donations likely behind Obama, Holder failure to charge any bankers after 2008 financial meltdown







Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:28 | 2720422 strongband
strongband's picture

over it.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:34 | 2720431 Dalago
Dalago's picture

What a bunch of cocksuckers.  Hey can you engineer a financial catastrophe?  Sweet... whos got the hookers and blow?  We have wealth to destroy.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:30 | 2720433 Death and Gravity
Death and Gravity's picture

If all else fails, read the manual.

Or in this cae, the textbook on sound asset management.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:25 | 2720416 malikai
malikai's picture

I should apply for their Quant job just to see what its like. I'll bet they'd never call me. Well, wouldn't matter anyway since I'm overseas.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:43 | 2720635 financial apoca...
financial apocalyptic contagion's picture

arbi? hindi?

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:31 | 2720425 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Shit why do they need any financial engineers in a centrally planned model? Just tell us what the prices are going to be at the end of the day and we can all go lay on a beach , drink margaritas and check out the babes. Unless you're in China where they all wear face bikinis and floaties.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:08 | 2720538 Poetic injustice
Poetic injustice's picture

You can't do it without paperwork blaming somebody else - like speculators. So "engineers" have to produce few tons of such paper, and some may play scapegoats too.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 12:01 | 2720683 Zero Debt
Zero Debt's picture

Here is the deal: this is a front operation aimed at diverting attention from the printer and obfuscating the chain of command to the public. Also, most people tend to obey authority, and big sounding titles and topics of no significance radiate authority to the plebes.

It also serves the purpose of stirring up heated debate on non-issues like "factor analysis of systemic credit risk in second tier repo markets", providing distraction bait to the MSM and establishment PhD economists while the looting continues unabated.

They have similar positions in China but then you also need to wear thick black-framed glasses that look like a pair of TV screens, speak in a monotonous tone for a long time and take group photos where nobody smiles.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:27 | 2720428 Cast Iron Skillet
Cast Iron Skillet's picture

Do you have to know math to apply for the Financial Engineering job?

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:30 | 2720434 malikai
malikai's picture

Can you use an abacus?

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:57 | 2720512 Precious
Precious's picture

Just ask the guys at Knight Capital.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:01 | 2720519 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Just don't show them where to plug in the computer.


Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:31 | 2720438 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Capital Stress Testing Specialist? Hire some guy to cover himself head-to-toe in large denomination Euro notes and run through the streets of some Greek towns holding a 'I (heart) bankers' sign...

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:39 | 2720460 Cranios
Cranios's picture

Wouldn't he have to be wearing EKG electrodes too?


Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:54 | 2720505 i-dog
i-dog's picture


I'm laughing so hard it took 5 minutes before I could see the screen again!!

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:05 | 2720529 jayman21
jayman21's picture

It is why one reads zh.  LOL +1

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:35 | 2720444 You Didn't Buil...
You Didn't Build That's picture

What's the salary? I know two people quiting their jobs...went bankrupt. One a family doctor and one a pediatrician. They both took home less then the mailman (who made $82,000 + pension +health ins) last year so they are switching to a "better job."

It's a strange world out their with distorted incentives and market place and lots of unintended consequences.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:27 | 2720464 Precious
Precious's picture

That's what happens when you let government regulators get control of your occupation.  

Managed Care.  Also know to medical doctors as "eat shit and die".  --- signed, your friendly MBA graduate.


Mon, 08/20/2012 - 12:32 | 2720757 daveeemc2
daveeemc2's picture

"eat shit and die".

You are you will .

But, doesnt Keynes model suggests that with more supply of disease and sickess is net positive for hospitals and doctors. 

Oh wait - this money is paid for by taxes.  Never mind.

Can someone please explain to me how spreading toxic waste on US farm fields is a net positive for the US Economy?


Mon, 08/20/2012 - 23:23 | 2722632 groundedkiwi
groundedkiwi's picture

Aussie and NZ are always looking for Dr and Specialists

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:37 | 2720451 Cranios
Cranios's picture

Hey, I actually have the qualifiactions for the Financial Engineering position - I might just apply. I would like a no-responsibility job in the public sector, the private sector is just too punishing!



Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:48 | 2720484 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

I did a lot of testing to destruction work on mechanical prototypes.

Also some weapons electrical work.

Do I qualify ?

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 18:59 | 2721998 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

No... sorry!

You need to be pear-shaped like Benny to work at the Fed

..because everything the Fed touches in the economy goes pear-shaped, so you need pear-shaped staff

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:46 | 2720466 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

hmmm...  PM coinage abt to become legal tender?

nah...  more likely they hafta provide something for the jpMorgue engineers who did all that "asset transfer" for them under achillesMacRis

welcome to the funHouse, BiCheZ!

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:47 | 2720481 DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

Moronomics: Magnetism that attracts fucking financial imbeciles.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 18:52 | 2721946 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

Yes you'd think the Fed had enough of those amongst its ranks of public sector village idiots already without hiring yet more muppets

Ironic that as Wall Street lays off staff the Fed is hiring ...shouldn'ìt the Fed be cutting its cloth to the economy, like our wise Governors (cough) in the US Govt ?

Benny must be crying (and deeply embarrased) that his epic direct investment in Wall Street is returned with big WS redundancies which shoots Benny in the foot of the Feds public mandate to promote full emplyment and the reason he provided such huge 'stimulus' to the economy

if Benny can't control employment directly with the Banks he's given historic amounts of free cheap money to, how the fuck does this epic meddler think he can do it in the wider economy?

Every where you look Benny's intervention is a fuck up, his strategy fires blanks, his aspirations further out of reach than ever.. time to bury the Fed don't you think Ben?

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:49 | 2720485 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

As for why the Fed would suddenly be fascinated with risk now, after its DV01 is well over $2 billion, we have no ready answers.

Someone needs to be put in position to take the blame when it all comes crashing down. Save the economy, hire a fall guy this fall.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:27 | 2720578 awakening
awakening's picture

+1 The Italics at the start of a post prevent people from voting on posts so apologies to ZH for this otherwise pointless post.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:49 | 2720488 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

SEN 5241: You know, when I was at school, it was all very different. We used to stay in bed all the time. Combined primary economics... Combined primary economics was a bottle about this big.
[holds hands two feet apart]
SEN 5241: Took a week.
Child: Wow!

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:54 | 2720504 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

I used to have a stable job, now I have a job at a stable

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 10:56 | 2720509 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Is it taking all these new hires to replace one Brian Sack ?...hell, that dude only worked from 3:30 TO 4:00 p.m. M-F  

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:08 | 2720536 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

I worked at the Fed for a brief amount of time before quitting in disgust.

They don't want to be told if anything is wrong. 

They don't pay very well.

They spend an inordinate amount of time sitting around doing nothing.

You have to take Fed speak classes. (No joke.)

They have on-site libraries where employees are allegedly encouraged to go to read magazines such as The Economist. I went there once because I was bored out of my mind. The only other person there was a beyond squirrely econ PHD. After i was there about 5 minutes,he went and got someone else, who asked me to leave because I was supposedly making too much noise by turning the magazine pages on the other side of the room. The real reason probably was that he had to keep his pants zipped if someone else was there. ( True story.)

I don't recommend working there.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:14 | 2720544 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Let me save you alot of time and money. The risk is the Federal Reserve becomes insolvent the moment the bond market demands interest rates for US Treasuries at or slightly above pre crisis levels. It might be worth your while Tyler to actually figure the near or actual interest rate at which the Fed needs bailed out.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:14 | 2720550 Hayabusa
Hayabusa's picture

The formula is simple:

1.  Build a system who rewards and promotes extroverts to leadership positions (they are only concerned with how they look and are perceived by others)... of course none of them understands how things work, they depend on the rest of us for their due diligence on the intracacies of understanding the systems in place.

2. Begin with the end in mind... the elite are going for all the marbles this time... one world high concentration of power model preferably.  Use the stupid extroverts to unwittingly promote your plans while concurrently telling the 99%ers oooops, it was an accident, the model didn't work that time, we're not trying to destroy the current system and replace it with one of our own design, etc. 

3.  Wait for the axe to fall and when people are scared and told they are standing on the precipice and most people will go for whatever "fix" is presented, the others who do not wish to go along... they will be labled "terrorists" and dealt with aggressively at gun point, etc.

4.  The more history changes, the more it remains the same as it repeats itself over and over.  The end.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:28 | 2720580 Brahms Third Racket
Brahms Third Racket's picture

Up 'til now, I always thought "Financial Engineering" was just a derogatory sort of term to describe the financial criminals who come up with new ways to commit fraud and theft.  Turns out it's an actual job title.  Silly me.

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:36 | 2720582 resurger
resurger's picture

I work in Risk Managment, what risk managment!! Nothing is left of risk managment when the portfolio managers base their investing decisions on whether the Central Bank of China, ECB or the FED are going to do a round of Verbal QE.

risk models and technicals dont work anymore, if you are a high networth you can borrow to infinity without ever repaying, and if you default you can always restructure the loan.

the same goes for treasury, they have been buying bonds like if this bond bubble will never ever pop, they are desperate for yield, they are calling clients and begging them to take on loans (assets) but the client are telling them "NO"

I have seen equity portfolios making money, but it always gets down to this "Greed" we want more, they never liquidate because they want more.

and then in weeks, the same portfolio turns neutral, then negative, then finally "Breach in Risk Limits, that's where we at least get paid for" and then fire sale liquidation, how many times i have seen this, many fucking times .. people never change, ever... too much is never enuff.

This is the head of risk managment told me the other day "You can't fight the FED"

I told him that the fortunes always favors the bold.

Dont believe any one who tells you we are in crises, the crises did not even start. the 2008 market the year of profitability on the employees backs, they want growth which they will never ever get, because what's built on weak basis shall collapse.

and they call us doomers and gloomers, no one is more doomer and gloomer than those wall street fuckers, i really like this guy who said that the S&P is going to 3,000 till 2016, sure .. when you want the US to look like Zimbabwe it will sure go...

This is why you have bubbles/busts so that the US does not look like Zimba'

Fucklogic, this world needs more people like the corzines, good people are no longer needed.



Mon, 08/20/2012 - 11:34 | 2720607 sbfeibish
sbfeibish's picture

I didn't see "rogue trader" in that list?

Mon, 08/20/2012 - 14:21 | 2721161 Dina Strange
Dina Strange's picture

LOL, u guys crack me up and i totally love you. Laughed so hard had tears in my eyes.

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