The FINal Countdown

Tyler Durden's picture

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Thunder Dome's picture

Dougie Kass' tweet last night: 'Feeling bullish'.

Larry Darrell's picture

Was he in the middle of fucking a cow?

LawsofPhysics's picture

Damnit, there goes another keyboard.

redpill's picture

haha shit like that should be a wake up call to everyone that most of these idiots don't have the slightest clue what is going on, and they don't realize the circle of light at the end of the tunnel is a freight train.

 

Smells like Lehman.

 

Steroid's picture

And they pompously walk to the guillotine.

Troll Magnet's picture

CALM DOWN PEOPLE! THIS IS ALL JUST TRANSITORY! NOTHING TO SEE HERE! HEY! DID YOU GUYS ALL HEAR ABOUT DEMI MOORE AND ASHTON KUTCHER???

Pladizow's picture

Wasnt this expected after the short selling ban in Europe?

Mauibrad's picture

Buffett slipped and fell in the bathtub.  Not so happy with Obama about all this, but can't wait to talk with Quick about it.

Manthong's picture

So you got something against JPM that you should leave them off the list?  (-4.8%).

 

AldousHuxley's picture

GS bet tanked half way before Fed came in with QE

 

BAC might drop all the way to $1 before Fed comes in with QE3 ... year long boost just in time for elections.

Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

CHEMICAL PLANT ON FIRE!!  CHEMICAL PLANT ON FIRE!!!

Calmyourself's picture

Marrying plasticized corpses is old news..

Don Birnam's picture

File under No Connection/No Coincidence.

From the AP, 3 October, 2011, piece titled, "BofA Website Malfunctioning Again:"

"The problems began Friday, a day after the bank said it would start charging a $5 monthly fee for customers using debit cards. [ BAC spokeswoman Tara ] Burke insisted there's no connection. The delays and the home page message persisted Saturday, but Burke said Sunday that things were fine."

Five dollar fee/five dollar stock price. This material simply can't be made up.


Fukushima Sam's picture

The great meme of 2H 2011: "Everything is fine."

Best muttered repeatedly while hunched over in a corner in a fetal position and rocking spasmically.

pupton's picture

Yeah, they have just announced a stock buyback plan to be funded by $5 debit card fees...one share per customer per month...how many shares does that work out to?

Dingleberry's picture

Not to worry....the iPhone 5 will save us!!!!!!!

Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

A five dollar fee for the five dollar share, for the Iphone 5? Maybe Satan is teeing up for the Iphone 6? Or he's just 111 short.

Bananamerican's picture

last seen with Dougie Kass...

Ted K's picture

@LarryDarrell

It's commonly known that bestiality is very common among institutional traders.

Stochdoc's picture

Something in the way she mooed

Attracted me like no other hereford

 

mick_richfield's picture

You're really milking this.

tickhound's picture

I keep uddering the words in my head.

Race Car Driver's picture

These sub-threads are udderly ridiculous.

Messianic's picture

Quit trying to steer everyone in the wrong direction

bid the soldiers shoot's picture

you butter stop talking like this, it gets too creamy...

Stochdoc's picture

Something in the way she mooed

Attracted me like no other hereford

 

JB's picture

Did you know that in 1964 Julie Andrews was passed up for the role of Eliza in 'My Fair Lady' because she wasn't a big enough star... Yet she went on to win the Oscar for Best Actress for her role as Mary Poppins that same year.

And in case you're wondering where the seemingly random association of cows and Julie Andrews came from, early on in My Fair Lady, Eliza is made to say 'In Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen.' Of course she mangled it. The only 'H' she pronounced was the non-existant one at the beginning of 'ever.'

Don't ask...

bid the soldiers shoot's picture

Audrey Hepburn was bigger box office and more beautiful. Singing has nothing to do with Hollywood musicals. : o )

mick_richfield's picture

bestiality is very common among institutional traders

"Herd on the Street."

 

 

Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

That's why it's a bull market when their feeling bullish, because everyone is getting steerfucked!

slewie the pi-rat's picture

that's hard for a bear to do!

the financials may be just putting in an oversold bottom-painting so we can get back to "risk on!" tomorrow...

don't forget tyler's volatility play & think about buying a few "inexpensive calls" just in case!  the damned banksters can't sell any loans, so it's fees & market volatility till zirp gets zapped.  and we may have less than 365 shopping daze left until...

...the next election, BiCheZ!

Yen Cross's picture

 Slewie, I was disposed! porcelain GOD.  Just joking. Keep that avatar! It is you, and I like it!  +1

geminiRX's picture

Was he in the middle of fucking a cow?

I laughed so hard when I read this. Thanks man for making my day:)

I regret not buying a put on MS early this morning as I was thinking of letting it bounce up in the channel before doing so. Alas....missed my opportunity.  Although my BAC Nov 7.5 puts are doing smashingly (bought as soon as Buffet put in his 5B....thx Tyler)

 

 

 

Jay Gould Esq.'s picture

Ha -- saw that one last evening as well. Laughable.

IrritableBowels's picture

...and here comes the fucking 3:00 pm rally

GeneMarchbanks's picture

Word? Aside from the potential bank-runs on two continents, flaming CDS spreads, horseshit rumors, retarded monetary policy what could possibly derail this bull "market"?

reader2010's picture

"The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation. It's bullshit. You got ninety percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal. The news, war, peace, famine, upheaval, the price per paper clip. We pick that rabbit out of the hat while everybody sits out there wondering how the hell we did it. Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy? It's the free market. And you're a part of it. You've got that killer instinct. Stick around pal, I've still got a lot to teach you. "

 

- Gordon Gekko, 1987

Mitch Comestein's picture

Sounds like the pep talk on day one for GS recruits.

AldousHuxley's picture

GS trains by the dozen these days, not 1 on 1 mentoring.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIahSogFOAM&feature=related

 

Jim Young:(comes walking in to a room full of potential new hires): Sorry man, this is my seat

Man: Oh shit, I'm so sorry.

Jim Young: It's ok, don't worry about it

Another Man (looks at the first man getting out of the chair):...fucking dumbass! 

Jim Young: Get the fuck outta here! Don't talk to me, don't look at me, just pick your ass up out of that Italian leather chair and get the fuck outta this room! come on let's go schlep rock...out!

Jim Young: Okay, before we get started, I have one question, has anyone here passed a Series Seven exam?
Man: (raises his hand) I have a Series Seven license.
Jim: Good for you. You can get up too.
Man: What? Why?
Jim: We don't hire brokers here, we train new ones. That's it Skippy - pack your shit, let's go. (the man leaves)

Okay, here's the deal, I'm not here to waste your time.

Okay, I certainly hope you're not here to waste mine, so I'm gonna keep this short. Become an employee of this firm, you will make your first million within 3 years.

Okay, I'm gonna repeat that, you will make a million dollars, within three years of your first day of employment at J.T. Marlin. There's no question as to whether you become a millionaire working here. The only question is, how many times over.

You think I'm joking....I am not joking.

I am a millionaire. It's a weird thing to hear, right? Lemme tell ya, its a weird thing to say: I am a fucking millionaire. And guess how old I am...27, you know what that makes me here? A fucking senior citizen.

This firm is entirely comprised of people your age, not mine. Lucky for me, I happen to be very fucking good at my job or I'd be out of one. You guys are the new blood. You are the future swinging dicks of this firm. Now you all look money hungry and that's good.

Anybody who tells you that money is the root of all evil, doesn't fucking have any. They say money can't buy happiness. Look at the fucking smile on my face! Ear to ear baby! You want details, fine. I drive a Ferrari 355 Cabriolet. What's up? (he slides his keys across the long boardroom table) I have a ridiculous house at the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all, I am liquid.

So now you know what's possible, let me tell you what's required. You are required to work your fucking ass off at this firm. We want winners here, not pikers. A piker walks at the bell. A Piker asks how much vacation time you get in the first year. Vacation time? People come to work at this firm for one reason, to become filthy rich, that's it. We're not here to make friends, we're not saving the fucking manatees here guys.

You want vacation time, go teach third grade at a public school.
Okay, first three months at the firm are as a trainee, you'll make 150 dollars a week. After you've done training, you take the series seven, you pass that, you become a junior broker and you're opening accounts for your team leader. You open forty accounts you start working for yourself, the sky's the limit. A word or two about being a trainee, your friends, parents, other brokers, they're gonna give you shit about it, it's true, a 150 a week, that's not a lot of money. Pay them no mind. You need to learn this business and this is the time to to do it.
Once you pass the test, none of that's gonna matter.

Your friends are shit. You tell em you made 25 grand last month they're not gonna fucking believe you. Fuck them! Fuck 'em!

Parents don't like the life you lead. Fuck your mom and dad. See how it feels when you're making their fucking Lexus payments. Now go home and think about it.

Think about whether or not this is really for you. If you decide that it isn't, listen, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. This is not for everyone.

But if you really want this, you call me on Monday and we'll talk. Just don't waste my fucking time......

Okay, that's it.

HungrySeagull's picture

That is a Shark.

Only a few will emerge from Training with tools to work towards becoming a Shark too.

The rest will go back home to whatever they came from.

 

It would be best for these newly graduated trainees to stay on 150 a week and roll the income over that into something worthy against a uncertain future.