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FOMC's Bag Of Tricks Is Empty... For Now - Full Statement Redline

Tyler Durden's picture


The FOMC statement once again had a little for everyone but critically lacked the all-important- "we'll print now and to infinity". Key headlines from the statement, via Bloomberg:


Pre-Fed price levels:

ES 1382, IG 98.6bps, HY $95.58, 10Y 1.97%, Gold 1639, EUR 1.3200, AAPL 609.5

Immediate Reaction

10Y +3bps, Gold -$10, ES -1pt, EUR -15pips, AAPL -$0.5


Full Statement Redline...



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Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:34 | 2373786 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

More shit

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:36 | 2373797 maxmad
maxmad's picture

taaaaa daaaaa!  The wizards got nothing!  Don't pay attention to the guy behind the curtain!

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:39 | 2373813 maxmad
maxmad's picture

HMMMM.... Fed and Bernanke in a box... Can't announce QE3 because China immediately dumps the dollar on the news, or don't announce QE3 and then China begins their slow dump of the dollar

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:43 | 2373830 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Yep, painted themselves into quite a deep corner here.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:51 | 2373870 flacon
flacon's picture

Intellectuals (pH Dees) at it again.... when will they ever learn "Do not fuck with us" ~ Tyler Druden

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:48 | 2374158 Surly Bear
Surly Bear's picture
Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:02 | 2373941 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

They have indeed, but it's even more than most realize.

This was their last chance to maneuver this year.  From here on out it's too close to the election.  The Fed never dares big moves close to election day for fear of loss of independence and Congress cracking down on them.

This was it.  Nothing more can happen this year.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:18 | 2374004 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Exactly, now its too late, far too risky to do anything for the rest of the year because if something were to go real wrong theres no time to try to fix it. $4 gas and hovering markets thru summer and fall election...lots of pissed off broke folks.

I was saying if they wanted to do anything they should have staged a market 'crisis' about 6 months ago, but nooooo they couldnt even do that. Every little market drop had to be immediately recovered by next morning. So now, we glide from NYC to L.A. with a engine left, and 1 wing, fuel tank pretty much dry....Good luck Ben, we're all countin on you.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:45 | 2373839 SHEEPFUKKER

Same shit different day.  

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:48 | 2373853 xtop23
xtop23's picture

I love that. FED sees exceptionally low rates through "at least" 2014.

Translation; forever.


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:47 | 2373856 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Lste 2014? How about never? Does never work for you Fed bozos? Excuse me while I go fondle my gold. You Fed wankers can fondle something else.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:59 | 2373917 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

i'd like to fondle that chick in your avatar.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 14:07 | 2374279 VisualCSharp
Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:51 | 2373877 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Seems pretty clear they'll dangle the qe3 carrot as long as possible.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:00 | 2373929 Christoph830
Christoph830's picture

Exactly.  Dangling QE 3 is essentially QE 3.  Why print when your words can have the same effect?

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:34 | 2373787 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Prepare for them to press "Eject" on silver.  

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:00 | 2373873 poor fella
poor fella's picture

I'll be waiting for it with open arms and baited breath...

You do realize it will happen at a time when equities absolutely collapse? We're running out of small and manageable defaults.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:02 | 2373942 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

The trick will be catching some with the credit cards into the collapse but before the system freezes and no one's able to use them until further notice.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:16 | 2373996 Chump
Chump's picture

That's my plan.  Probably futile but it's worth a shot.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:34 | 2373788 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:36 | 2373795 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

Welcome to the united states of apples

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:41 | 2373824 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

AAPL is the only thing saving this market right now and Bernanke.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:36 | 2373796 pods
pods's picture

Sweet.  Another 2+ years of a 2.5% mortgage.  

Of course, the inflation in all other aspects of life will more than make up for it.


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:36 | 2373798 ACP
ACP's picture

They just need a drop before doing some more hard core pump action.

Usual MO.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:36 | 2373800 Sans-culottes
Sans-culottes's picture

Root for Ben as if he is a college fratboy....instead of Chug Chug......PRINT PRINT PRINT....YOU CAN DO IT!

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:37 | 2373803 UTICA CLUB XX PURE

Growth to staay moderate. Say what? Growth to stay moderate? LOL

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:38 | 2373808 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

Their job is pretty easy: let the porn addicted secretary to type some text, then change it slightly on each meeting, job done and collect tax payer's money as salary

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:42 | 2373826 SoNH80
SoNH80's picture

Porn?  Nuh-uh, they just gossipin' about the new Deacon at the church on the phone, um-huh.  It's D.C., baby....

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:39 | 2373810 ForWhomTheTollBuilds
ForWhomTheTollBuilds's picture

And down goes gold.  Again...


Guess some honest market participant had to unload 5 million ounces at any price in one second....

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:42 | 2373829 It is a bargin ...
It is a bargin my friend's picture

I am getting so pissed, they keep on kicking the crutch away from a one legged man, and its US banks that do, fucking wankers, may they rot in eternal pain every last one of them

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:56 | 2373900 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Of course. Hedging or some such for their "clients" (victims).

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:39 | 2373811 Peter K
Peter K's picture

It was rather Hawkish, I'd say. Wonder how the sellsiders will spin this one?

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:41 | 2373822 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Wonder how much laughter went into this statement.

Bernanke: "I think I will hold the fake QE hints for the presser.  Does everybody agree with that?"


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:46 | 2373849 Peter K
Peter K's picture

Here's the key sentence:

"The Committee expects economic growth to remain moderate over coming quarters and consequently then to pick up gradually."

I wonder how long it will take for this sentence to sink in? :)

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 15:05 | 2374553 Trajan
Trajan's picture

Hahahaha, 'THEN to pick up gradually' when is THEN?? 2016?  hurry up, I mature in 10 years you ghouls....and gradually as in Spanish Bonds blowing by 6% 'Gradually'.... like that?

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:41 | 2373812 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Mr. Market has his feet in cold water now

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:40 | 2373815 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Low rates are all they need to support the banking system and keep the banks buying Treasuries.  There is really only a need to continue the printing program via low rates.  I am not really sure why people pretend this is not full blown printing press action behind a lace curtain.  It is being done in the worst possible way that will do nothing for the economy.  Pure inflation. 

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:57 | 2373907 poor fella
poor fella's picture

Is there a word for 'Bank Supported Government'?

Seems to be the only business they're in. BTW, Lloyd "The Smelly Oily Alcohol Turd" Blankfein says GS doesn't need the discount window.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:05 | 2373950 Lord Blankcheck
Lord Blankcheck's picture

"We were taking very little risk at the time" Lioyd B.


Yes that word is "Banktatorship"



Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:08 | 2373963 poor fella
poor fella's picture

Niiice, I like it!

The government and financial system are Saimese twins sharing a heart and brain. One of them isn't going to make it if we try for separation!!

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:59 | 2373920 trembo slice
trembo slice's picture

Exactly.  Do people (Krugman obviously doesn't based on his recent column) not understand that the way in which interest rates are held low is by a continual injection of "capital" i.e., freshly created dollars?  Keeping interest rates at near zero % is the means of inflation.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:41 | 2373819 VonManstein
VonManstein's picture

PMs hardly moved.. the act is wearing thin


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:43 | 2373821 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

'Moderate gradual improvement, with a great chance of severe downside risk'....gee, thats great...hey let's all pile into Apple!

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:42 | 2373827 SDRII
SDRII's picture

No latency on gold raid. Must...get....oil....down....

 FT Alpha good mock up on the IEA apparatchiks assessments of stockpiling

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:44 | 2373828 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Still looking for this...


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:45 | 2373844 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

They have no other option, even raising rates to 1.5 would blow the whole thing to smithereens. They built the sand castle upon 0%, and have to keep it at 0%.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:49 | 2373862 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Exactly.  Since they can't raise them now, how they gonna do it with another $3T of debt on the books? 

(Of course, the joke's on them in the end, as rates will rise even without their intervention.  Tee hee.)

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:43 | 2373835 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

"Moderate gradual improvement, with a great chance of severe downside risk--except for Apple, which the committee agreed, is the only thing that will see no downside risk."

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:44 | 2373837 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Shorter Fed: We're busy bailing out Europe so leave us alone. In the meantime have some more ZIRP.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:46 | 2373851 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

We're trying to fill a bottomless pit over in Yurp, but its funny the more fake money we pour in the deeper the hole gets. HUH, imagine that!

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:47 | 2373852 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

Fed says "economy will ‘pick up gradually’"

Proper voting may be required...

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:47 | 2373855 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

For some reason this comes to mind:

Old Mother Hubbard

went to the cupboard

to fetch poor Rover a bone . . .


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:48 | 2373857 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

OK coma patient we're removing the full life support now RISE and walk!!

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:48 | 2373859 Oxygen
Oxygen's picture

Our parents was so stupid. Economy it's easy, you just have to let interest rate somewhere near 0 and everything is fix !!

Bernake is a genius !!


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:50 | 2373869 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Why the HELL didnt all these genius economists discover this fast, simple cure hundreds of years ago? o% interest rate, everything FINE! Its so EASY!

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:53 | 2373885 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

Why the HELL didnt all these genius economists see it comin'?

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:12 | 2373978 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

No one EVER sees it coming, just like this time no one will have seen 'it' coming when 'it' suddenly happens one morning.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:51 | 2373860 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Can't make any decisions on interest rates until late 2014. Way to go out on a limb Bernanke. Could you imagine telling your employer, wife, banker, etc. the same?

This Bernanke MF guy is such an epic failure.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 14:20 | 2373863 tocointhephrase
tocointhephrase's picture

A classic case of a druggy in denial. Once they relapse, they are going to hit it hard. The very fact that tptb and the commentators alike refer to Qe on a regular basis means sooner or later it will be inevitable.

Buy The F'in Dip (if you can find a seller that is)!


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:50 | 2373866 VonManstein
VonManstein's picture

they really have shot all their bullets. look at DXY its not gone positive.. the market is buying this shit less and less.. dollar holders moving out everytime it spikes like this.

part two of this act later with bigben.. see what hes got

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:00 | 2373927 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Its real hard to convince a bunch of crackheads going thru withdrawal that some potpourri on the stove is just really as good as a bowl of crack.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:49 | 2373867 TwoJacks
TwoJacks's picture

bah humbug.  fireworks start at presser.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:51 | 2373874 GlenD
GlenD's picture

Bit depressing seeing gold and silver fall all the time but in this upside down world, what goes down must go up!

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:51 | 2373875 Born-Again Bankster
Born-Again Bankster's picture

The economy is expanding moderately?  What world do these people live in?  Recent college grads working at Starbucks (if they're lucky), the real unemployment rate probably around 20%, food stamps all over the place...seriously, WTF.  Have they walked around any real city in the US's ugly man...ugly. 

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:05 | 2373955 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

I went to Lark Burger here yesterday, the place was empty (but they have excellent burgers) anyway the girl who took my order told me she got her degree 2 years ago and has been working here ever since, and that it was a pretty good job compared to what her classmates have been able to find.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:06 | 2373957 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Those people don't count anymore and they will die off soon enough. Didn't get the memo?

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:53 | 2373887 Chappy
Chappy's picture

Do the statements always come out at 12:30?  I was planning on shorting gold but I was waiting until 2pm.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:53 | 2373889 DollarDive
DollarDive's picture

When necessary the FED will buy equity futures via their banking associates.   Check out this video as Grayson grills the FED's Gen. Counsel about market manipulation

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:56 | 2373898 UTICA CLUB XX PURE

Fed "sees"


Fed "Seize"


Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:57 | 2373906 vote_libertaria...
vote_libertarian_party's picture

No operation twist extension? 


Who is going to buy the additional $120B in Treasury debt EVERY MONTH?

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:34 | 2374085 youngman
youngman's picture

Well when you can borrow Fed money for can buy alot of treasuries for .9% to 3% returns....and they will....the banks will be filled with that junk....and the other investors will be chasing returns...Facebook....junk bonds..whatever....this has turned the markets into a scam...we are now a joke...

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:58 | 2373914 Jean
Jean's picture

I see they've found the lost chapter of Austrian economics -- "The secret to finding Die Rheingold is 0% interest." 

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 12:59 | 2373923 CryingBear
CryingBear's picture

Damnit! I sold all my AAPL at 300 to buy silver at 48!!!! :*(

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:01 | 2373934 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Wow youre a moron! You better go over to Yahoo!Finance you'll fit in better over there with those other idiots.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:09 | 2373971 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Similar to Wal-Mart Silver is experience a Stinko de Mayo

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:24 | 2374036 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

I told people back in 2008 they better buy their silver now, when its $5 an oz....then today you see a 'dip' to $30 and it means nothing.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:51 | 2374184 CryingBear
CryingBear's picture

i will now sell my silver and buy aapl

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:08 | 2373962 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

'Nothing to see here, till 2014 or so....m'kay thats all the news we've got for now, see ya'

Man this BS song and dance routine is really getting old.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:24 | 2374034 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture


The word exceptional means:

1) Apple earnings are exceptionally high

2) the price of gas is exceptionally high

3) People are exceptionally mad about Bernanke

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:40 | 2374107 youngman
youngman's picture

The Fed missed on this one....September we should have a fight over the debt ceiling....and Europe should have spent another 2 trillion by then....I am amazed gold is down...but my cynic side says there is some deal between CB´s for it to be down....and for China to be able to buy it at that...a gold guarantee more or less

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 13:44 | 2374133 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

"Empty Bag of tricks"?

But Bernank has assured us that the Fed has many tools ...

Or maybe it was many fools.  Can't remember the exact syntax.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 14:37 | 2374447 MrBoompi
MrBoompi's picture

So basically the Fed is admitting banks will remain technically insolvent until at least 2014, since they can't afford to pay even 1% interest on our savings accounts.



Wed, 04/25/2012 - 15:42 | 2374671 dbTX
dbTX's picture

There are just so many ways you can package a shit sandwich.

Wed, 04/25/2012 - 21:09 | 2375358 chump666
chump666's picture



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