Football Legend Cristiano Ronaldo To Be Used As ECB Collateral

Tyler Durden's picture

We were pretty much speechless when we read this - it sure puts guarantees by Noyer, Trichet and all the other bureaumonkeys that the ECB does not accept just any collateral in perspective. From "The most expensive footballer in history may now be used to guarantee the solvency of a Spanish bank. “Ronaldo in the bailout fund,” headlines Süddeutsche Zeitung. The daily reports that the Bankia group of savings banks, which financed Real Madrid’s acquisition of the Portuguese player, is now seeking to borrow funds from the European Central Bank. In response to the ECB’s demand for guarantees, Bankio are putting up… Ronaldo and the Brazilian Kaka, who also plays for the Madrid football club. In 2009, Real borrowed 76.5 million euros to pay transfer fees of 100 millions euros to Manchester United, and 60 million to Milan AC."

“Could we see a situation in which the ECB seizes one of the players?“ wonders the Munich daily. “In theory, it is possible. Bankia would first have to become insolvent. Thereafter, Real would have to default on its loans, which are secured by advertising and television revenues. It goes without saying that Real Madrid is in debt to the tune of several million euros. However, in Spain football clubs have a history of obtaining publicly funded bailouts — just like the country’s banks.”

This is beyond even The Onion's (and even Zero Hedge's) level of sarcasm. 

There is nothing that can be added to this insanity. Furthermore, the fact that the "collateral" most likely has a virulent case of Paris Hiltonitis which will infect all the other worthless collateral, likely leading to the latest and greatest reality TV show, only adds to the complete farce that the global ponzi scheme has now become.

h/t Stock Bitch


Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Urban Redneck's picture

Egotistical athletes and egotistical bankers, at least there is no question as to who is the bigger fish anymore.

Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Meh. So what? Thanks to the 14th Amendment, the 16th Amendment, and the Social Security Act, any 14th Amendment US Citizen with an SS number has already been registered as collateral for the Federal debt. Yawn.

eureka's picture

I saw Ronaldo live - cremate L.A. Galaxy two weeks ago - believe me, he's worth it - he's from a paralel dimension of super human Football Played With The Foot Players.

Zero Govt's picture

a Sliced & Diced Ronaldo ..there's nothing these banksters can't turn into debt money ...the Twilight Zone of banksters, life and indeed sport is now a digitalised moneygram for transfer to Big Bro central command at the ECB 

alien-IQ's picture

No fuckin way. This HAS to be a joke. Really...please...Tell me this is a joke.

TruthInSunshine's picture

Debt slavedom, bitchez.

A little bit OT, but hide your precious, bitchez, 'cause Ireland is setting the example of FDR Gold Confiscation Part Deux:


Jewels, Gold Bars Seized as Ireland Chases Debtors - Bloomberg


And plain, old OT (even Israelis in Tel Aviv are bitching about The Bernank's monetary policies, bitchez):


  • Inflation Sparks Big Protests in Tel Aviv
  • Cathartes Aura's picture

    interesting link TruthInSunshine:

    But defense spending is only part of the story. In fact, Israel’s defense budget has come down dramatically since the 1970s, to around 6.3 percent of GDP in 2010 (the equivalent figure in the U.S. is 4.7 percent, and in France and Britain under 3 percent). In the meantime, Israeli spending on settlements in the West Bank and on welfare payments to the ultra-Orthodox community—where huge numbers of working-age males are allowed to study in yeshivas and collect government handouts—have ballooned.


    social engineering.

    KeyserSoze's picture

    Israel doesn't need to spend heavily on defence when most of the war costs are taken up by the USA.

    Cathartes Aura's picture

    when these "schools" that teach "working age males" are located in, say, Pakistan, they are referred to as a breeding ground for "terrorists" & subject to drone strikes.

    who controls language, controls thought.

    KeyserSoze's picture

    who controls language, controls thought.


    Reminds me of the word 'terrorist'. What the fuck does that even mean anymore??? It's the singularly most selectively applied word in modern day society.


    el Gallinazo's picture

    It's easy, a terraist is the opposite of a freedom fighter.


    Osama Bin Ladin, 1983 - Freedom Fighter shooter of Russians

    Osama Bin Ladin, 2001 - Terraist patsy


    Both are usually CIA assets.  (See al Qaeda Libya rebels.)  It's sort of like the World Wrestling Federation.

    slaughterer's picture

    Well, if Ronaldo needs to be seized as an asset, what are they going to do with him?  Sell him to Bayern München?

    AnAnonymous's picture

    US citizens taste for victimology forces them to depict the situation as odious to Ronaldo.

    People calling that slavery or stuff... Typical US citizenism.

    The entity who is to be complained is the entity that is forced to accept that shit as collateral. Nobody else.

    Ronaldo is preserved: the entity will buy the contractual obligations to this football player and as he earns stuff like 10 millions or more euros per year. No big deal.


    I cant even know how this stuff is going to happen. Football clubs have failed in the past and the sequence is known: liquidation of assets (so the transfer fee is very unlikely to match 80 millions euros) and when everything is liquidated, players'contracts are nullified and players are let free.

    The story that an insolvent football club in an insolvent country that forks 80 millions euros to recruit a football player is the evidence of what people who are unfortunate to trade with the West have to expect when it comes to real wealth.

    Nothing, not even peanuts.

    rokakoma's picture

    I think this marks the tipping point of the Spanish bank crisis. Mark this day!

    johnconnor's picture

    I think they should use his girlfriend Yrina as collateral as well,

    I am sure these Goldman sach leaches that love Ukranian and Russian high end prostitutes would love it.


    <img src="">

    Ahmeexnal's picture

    Tipping point was long ago.

    Most cities and infrastructure have already been sold to creditors (oil rich Arab nations and Chi-pan).

    Not only in spain, but all over the eurozone and the british isles too.

    Many areas of Londinistan and other UK cities are now under sharia law as we speak:

    johnconnor's picture

    I think they should use his girlfriend Yrina as collateral as well,

    I am sure these Goldman sach leaches that love Ukranian and Russian high end prostitutes would love it.


    <img src="">

    johnconnor's picture

    I think they should use his girlfriend Yrina as collateral as well,

    I am sure these Goldman sach leaches that love Ukranian and Russian high end prostitutes would love it.


    <img src="">

    johnconnor's picture

    I think they should use his girlfriend Yrina as collateral as well,

    I am sure these Goldman sach leaches that love Ukranian and Russian high end prostitutes would love it.


    <img src="">

    slow_roast's picture

    I bet Roanldo loves this.

    baby_BLYTHE's picture

    He is HOT, lol.

    But in all seriousness, the United States(c) have and will in the future pledge its citizens as colateral.

    It happened in the 1930s (when the US offically went bankrupt) and will be again via a raid on the 401ks.

    You can bet Obama's team of lawyers have been working around the clock on this

    Stax Edwards's picture

    Cue Vic Vinegar with strong compliment of the above post

    fishface's picture


    Lets make a list of some assest there are


    1. this must be Bernank ( he can print money after all)

    2. Timmah

    3. Boner

    4. Reid

    5. - 200. one lot of DEMS

    200.-400 one lot of REPS


    any left..


    narnia's picture

    that's all the national debt is...  a pledge by the US federal government that, in the future, its productive citizens will acquiesce to sacrificing their quality of life to subsidize government warfare, welfare & counter-productive attempted do-gooding.  

    these promises are worthless not because your average American is not good on his or her word, but because the non dumbed down "real" American has too much character to put up with it.

    andybev01's picture

    Lets take that one step beyond.

    If a person is unemployed when our economy goes belly-up (um...belly-up-er?) and thus non-productive, would that make that person a free man instead of a slave?

    Cathartes Aura's picture

    does the fictional character you mention have a socially insecure number assigned?

    narnia's picture

    when this person lives in a community with an adequate enough black market to trade for all products he or she needs, and takes the initiative to engage in that trade by providing something of value (not just credit), then yes. 

    pappacass's picture

    As a PERSON you already are collateral.

    I'm delighted, as a long sufferin liverpool supporter I hope they kneecap the scumbag as soon as the default happens

    Founders Keeper's picture

    [It happened in the 1930s (when the US offically went bankrupt) and will be again via a raid on the 401ks.]---baby_BLYTHE

    I see from your recent posts you've been reviewing banking history. You go girl. And thank you.



    SparkySC's picture


    caerus's picture

    this is bullish for corner kicks

    squidward's picture

    Indentured survatude.

    Cognitive Dissonance's picture

    They better have some key man insurance on the poor bastard. And some on his legs as well.

    YesWeKahn's picture

    Isn't that slavery or human traffiking?

    SheepDog-One's picture

    I dont know how they can be putting up PEOPLE as collateral with a straight face. This is total insanity.

    knukles's picture

    ECB Collateral Rules

    Let's think this through for a moment.
    What happens if the ECB's collateral is kidnapped and held for ransom?

    Who/what then has a priority of claim on the collateral?  The ECB or the kidnapper?  Posession is 9/10s of the law, no?
    Is there any diffenence between the priority of claims if the kidnapper is a terrorist organization (and thus an act of war) or a financial one (mafia like and thus crime)?
    How will the difference be settled in courts that seem to think that terrorism is a criminal offense and thus should be redressed with therapy, counseling and psychotropic drugs?
    Has an act of fraudulent conveyance been committed by the ECB?
    Either with or without the extension of credit upon Faggatio? 
    When do we cease to take any of this shit seriously? 

    qussl3's picture

    At least the collateral's market value isnt some BS like Greek bonds.

    For the next 5 years at least lol.

    TSA Thug's picture

    "Stock Bitch", really? Glenn Beck said that Obama policies are The World Cup. Watch/listen.


    --You WILL Obey!

    SheepDog-One's picture

    Glenn Beck fanboy man knock that off, doesnt Glenn need some more Vaporub to generate fake tears for Israel?

    ?Leaked Video Glenn Beck uses Vicks to fake Crying.flv?‏ - YouTube

    TSA Thug's picture

    Enough of the anti-Semitic vitriol from you already. In our training we have been taught how to easily identify you.


    --You WILL Obey!

    Cole Younger's picture

    I am not a Beck fan. I have watched his show a couple of times. What turned me off was the religious overtones. That being said, it was a photo shoot. You have no idea what lengths photographers do to capture emotion (fake or otherwise) With his religious views, I don't doubt he has some emotional issues over Israel but emotions during a sterilized photo shoot setting might be a little difficult to achieve. I am sure considering his montra, a crying Beck image will be used for ther things as well. Keep things in perspective. If you don't like his views, or the man, just say it.