Football Legend Cristiano Ronaldo To Be Used As ECB Collateral

Tyler Durden's picture

We were pretty much speechless when we read this - it sure puts guarantees by Noyer, Trichet and all the other bureaumonkeys that the ECB does not accept just any collateral in perspective. From "The most expensive footballer in history may now be used to guarantee the solvency of a Spanish bank. “Ronaldo in the bailout fund,” headlines Süddeutsche Zeitung. The daily reports that the Bankia group of savings banks, which financed Real Madrid’s acquisition of the Portuguese player, is now seeking to borrow funds from the European Central Bank. In response to the ECB’s demand for guarantees, Bankio are putting up… Ronaldo and the Brazilian Kaka, who also plays for the Madrid football club. In 2009, Real borrowed 76.5 million euros to pay transfer fees of 100 millions euros to Manchester United, and 60 million to Milan AC."

“Could we see a situation in which the ECB seizes one of the players?“ wonders the Munich daily. “In theory, it is possible. Bankia would first have to become insolvent. Thereafter, Real would have to default on its loans, which are secured by advertising and television revenues. It goes without saying that Real Madrid is in debt to the tune of several million euros. However, in Spain football clubs have a history of obtaining publicly funded bailouts — just like the country’s banks.”

This is beyond even The Onion's (and even Zero Hedge's) level of sarcasm. 

There is nothing that can be added to this insanity. Furthermore, the fact that the "collateral" most likely has a virulent case of Paris Hiltonitis which will infect all the other worthless collateral, likely leading to the latest and greatest reality TV show, only adds to the complete farce that the global ponzi scheme has now become.

h/t Stock Bitch


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Cathartes Aura's picture

Conservative talk show host Glenn Beck announced plans for a rally in Jerusalem in August, which he's calling "Restore Courage."

The Jerusalem rally will take place one year after Beck organized a rally in Washington, D.C., called "Restoring Honor," which drew an estimated 500,000 people.

"Last summer, we set out to restore honor in Washington, D.C. This summer, it's time to restore courage," he said. "It is time for us to courageously stand with Israel."

Beck made the announcement on his radio show on Monday, warning that Jerusalem, the "center or our faith," is in danger.

I don't like Glenn Beck or his views.  There, I said it.

phraseshifter's picture

wait till they come for your family jewels

Vinny's picture

Are you talking about the yeast lords?

tmosley's picture

I think they are putting his CONTRACT up as collateral.  Still really, really stupid, though.

prole's picture

As mentioned above, this is  a leverage play on Irina Shayk. These bankers have never heard of Ronaldo. I bet they have never heard of soccer. But for a hot little Ruskie like Irina- who wouldn't buy and sell Euruope for her?

In other news..... The new model false flags are about as creative and innovative as GM cars (same "company")

"US Army soldier(!) was arrested ... motel room near Ft. Hood, Tejas, con materiales de "bomb-making" segun los Autoridades.

FBI said the mujahe, oops- soldier, who was AWOL, was being held on .... unrelated child pornagraphy charge."

Identified as Naser Jason Abdo, 21.

SheepDog-One's picture

Is ZH working REAL laggy for anyone else? I dont have any problem with other sites but ZH is taking 20 seconds to load pages or comments?

Ahmeexnal's picture

echelon has a hard time keeping up with ZH posters.

TSA Thug's picture

All the fancy upgrades. Lack of planning/change management/peer review. In computational linguistics: disambiguation.

Overall: C-


--You WILL Obey!

rockraider3's picture

This is great news.  We have a wealth of players to post as collateral when our time comes.  Tom Brady.  Albert Puljos.  Kevin Durant. Who knew these guys would come in so handy?

Sudden Debt's picture


oh.... you have to OWN THE BITCH before you can do that?



kaiten's picture

Haha, just what I wanted to say. I wouldnt mind them taking all politicians as collateral. And as for me, I´d give them my old socks ;)

Global Hunter's picture

Gay Euro footballers bitchez!!!

piceridu's picture

Furthermore, the fact that the "collateral" most likely has a virulent case of Paris Hiltonitis which will infect all the other worthless collateral...

That's fking funny!! Do they need to dip their financial statements in penicilin or treat with piperonyl butoxide?

JohnG's picture

Doxycycline, just to be sure.

citta vritti's picture

what a great name for the medicine - someone with a sense of humor

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Hypothecation of Ronaldo!  Bhahaha!

Transitory Disinflation's picture

You really mean "Good as Goaled"?

SheepDog-One's picture

He's only collateral in Europe certainly, because try as they may no one gives a crap about soccer in the US.

andybev01's picture

"The only thing Americans care less about than the US men's soccer team losing is the US women's soccer team winning."


- Jon Stewart

orca's picture

Was in the news here a couple of weeks ago. I do not know if this is a hoax, it smells like it, but on the other hand things are so completely f*cked up it just might be true.

jmac2013's picture

The transfer fees for 'futbol' stars have gotten so out of control (see 38 million pounds for Aguero) that I kind of figured something like this had to be going on.  Just another ponzi I suppose whereby the club is allowed to assign value on the club's books based on their own inflated transfer price paid. 

Global Hunter's picture

Olympiakos, scary if that's the state of many of the big clubs

Beau Tox's picture

I could see putting up Ronaldo against the sovereign debt, but Kaka stinks!

Global Hunter's picture

Putting Kaka up for collateral would be a bit like putting whoever happens to be England's starting goalkeeper up for collateral against UK debt.

Beau Tox's picture

Sorry, Global, for the bad American pun.  Kaka (Caca) is another baby term here for poopoo, merde, scheisse, shyte, doodoo, etc.

Global Hunter's picture

right over my head...Kaka actually has stunk the last 2 years it works both ways!

Transitory Disinflation's picture

There is something very worrying about 12 half naked men playing with some leather.

Blano's picture

Doesn't matter.......nobody gives a shit here.

Cathartes Aura's picture

not to mention the millions who just like to watch.

sabra1's picture

what would happen if i broke his kicking leg? he's probably locked up in a room, never to come out!

Mercury's picture

How do you say:  Look Ma!....I'm bank collateral!  in Portuguese?

digalert's picture
Olhe Ma!....Eu sou garantia bancária!
Lazarus Long's picture

The truth has finally come out we are just fucking assets.

Cathartes Aura's picture

and liabilities.  for balance.

Rockfish's picture

Chris Christie, NJ governor is in the hospital reportedly for asthma. Responding to a question, that NJ air quality was the cause of his infirmary Kristy responded. "There aint nothin wrong with NJ air quality, I'm here because I'm a fat bastard."

NuYawkFrankie's picture

Funnily enuf, I was just thinking that he looked like he could easily drop 50pounds and still

have 3 or 4 chins

Mugatu's picture

I will trade you one Lionel Messi for three Ronaldo's.  One looks good on your team, the other just looks good in the tabloid pages.

Natasha's picture

This gives new meaning to "Human Resource". It's digusting.

digalert's picture

Anyone ask Ronaldo if he wants to be a CDS?

kaiten's picture

As a collateral,  he has no rights ;)

AnAnonymous's picture

After that, people here will still maintain that it is in this side of the world that people have this crisis hard.

Allowed to use a extremely specialized worker contract like a football player... Excellent. To be compared to nations that are forced to put real wealth on the table to cover for their debt.

It is the kind of deal the Chinese, the Indians, the Middle Easterners are eating right now, they have to buy western debt and if stuff turns sour, they will be repaid in football players contracts.

Who is in the mess? Only US citizens, who are duplicitous by nature, emit the idea that debt is bad and they are the ones suffering in their US world order while the others have it easy...