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The "Formerly Brilliant Dimon" And Maxine Waters Debate Delta Hedging And Negative Convexity Live

Tyler Durden's picture


As if last week's bought and paid for by JPMorgan media circus in the Senate was not enough, in which Jamie Dimon played several bribed muppets like a fiddle, today we get part two. Momentarily, the Committee on Financial Services will pick up the baton where the Senate left off, and confirm to everyone that the people who lead this country, at least on paper, are some of the most incompetent, and outright clueless when it comes to financial matters. The same matters that have led America to the Second great depression, which has so far been prevented from wiping out 20% of the economy only courtesy of Bernanke's relentless money printing. Dimon's testimony, which is a replica of last week's, can be found here. In other news, Jamie Dimon is furious he never bribed Maxine Waters before. Now he will have to explain introductory math for absolute idiots. Karma is a bitch.

In addition to Jamie, who will headline the second session, today's witnesses will include Securities and Exchange Commission Chairman Mary Schapiro; Chairman of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission Gary Gensler; Acting Chairman for Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation Martin Gruenberg; Comptroller of the Currency Thomas Curry; and Federal Reserve Board of Governors General Counsel Scott Alvarez.

The live webcast is after the jump.

Finally, those who wish to pour their hearts out vis-a-vis the Formerly Brilliant Dimon, can do so below. The best comments will be used by Geoffrey Raymond as an annotation addition to his "Formerly Brilliant Dimon" presented below.


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Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:33 | 2539116 dannyboy
dannyboy's picture

No drinking games on this one Tyler? Anyone got any ideas?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:52 | 2539193 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Drinking game ... one drink for every word Maxine makes up.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:30 | 2539344 Missiondweller
Missiondweller's picture

Maxine Waters is proof that you can get elected to COngress even with a sub 100 IQ.



Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:34 | 2539361 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

It's gonna be like that scene from 'Scanners'...

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:40 | 2539379 Nothing To See Here
Nothing To See Here's picture

And by suggesting sub-100, you have kept yourself a WIDE margin of error.

The saddest part of the story is thinking about the bunch of zombies who acctually got out of their house, got into their vehicles, made the line and purposefully performed the action of voting for her as their elected representative.

That scene alone explains A, B, C, Greece and everything else.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:27 | 2539558 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



"Senator Waters, as chairman I can tell you exactly what happened."

"Stop!.   I think I know exactly what happened here, Mr. Dimon.     You screwed up didn't you?"


"Ok.   Very good. Well I have nothing else to say.  Let the record show that I am satisfied with Mr. Dimon's answer."



Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:03 | 2539749 imaginalis
imaginalis's picture

Jamie Dimon "The Board is 100% responsible for my salary" (when asked if his salary would be subject to clawbacks)


Will they be 100% responsible for JPM losses?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:12 | 2539784 Hard1
Hard1's picture

Jamie Dimon:  "Lobbying (bribing your favourite congressperson) is a constitutional right"  No, I'm not kidding, he said that! obviously withouth the parenthesis part, but hey! it's good to be the .01%

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:20 | 2540015 economics9698
economics9698's picture

Maxine Waters has maybe a 85 IQ.  Maybe.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 18:27 | 2541042 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Watching the clown show that is an imbecilic Maxine Waters trying to grasp the arithmetic of those 'financially engineered & synthesized products' which Jamie 'superstar' Dimon doesn't understand himself: 



Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:09 | 2539771 MarsInScorpio
MarsInScorpio's picture

Thanks for posting proof that the literacy level about our government is sub-zero in a much wider population than you might have thought; MAXINE WATERS IS A MEMBER OF THE HOUSE - NOT THE SENATE!!!


But then you knew that, and were just testing the rest of us to see who would catch it first.


I love it when the pseduo-intellectuals get on a site and prove they are no more literate than the people they bash . . . I hope your financial literacy is higher than your political.


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:51 | 2539822 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Well, your first mistake is that ya didn't focus on the obvious overall parodical nuance here, genius.   But I see ya couched 4 that 2 just in case I did it deliberately.    Ya know, the whole Dimon brilliance part?   Now don't U feel kinda myopically stupid & trite 4 assuming U were possibly smartly onto something about ZH readers?   U weren't, U aren't, & I seriously doubt you'll ever be about pretty much anything else at ZH in general.  Proof?   Ya just got it.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:24 | 2540034 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

You would've had a decent zinger there, had you not taken to speaking in number/letter gibberish.

You should only use that when you want to look dumb, like the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 17:10 | 2540132 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Just a ZH shorthand 1-liner habit.  Btw, Prince is most likely smarter than U.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:29 | 2540056 spastic_colon
spastic_colon's picture

Nice try Tom

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:39 | 2540102 Nothing To See Here
Nothing To See Here's picture

Your mistake is to think that we should give a F*** about whether Waters is in the House or the Senate. Really, makes no difference about the substance. But some people do like to make useless points about insignificant details, whenever it gives them the shelter that they are right about something, if not about what's important...

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:47 | 2539672 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

 "The saddest part of the story is thinking about the bunch of zombies who acctually got out of their house, got into their vehicles, made the line and purposefully performed the action"

I never knew that DIEBOLD machines could drive?... U learn something new every day on ZH...

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:26 | 2539829 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

In her district you have to consider who she was running against. Maybe a potted plant and she barely won.  I'd vote for the plant

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:54 | 2539918 A L I E N
A L I E N's picture

Leon the Professional's plant?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:44 | 2539345 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Maxine Waters: Mr. Dimon concerning hedged fixed income derivative trades, would you agree that Convexity is essentially the same as Gamma, and measures changes in Duration over different interest rates?

Jamie Dimon(as he begins to fume) Congresswoman. I am not sure that I am able to...(Dimons head explodes as brain matter and blood are strewn around the hearing room, like a famous scene in Scanners.)

Maxine Waters (turns and whispers to her aide) Heh heh heh...thank Congressman Paul's office for that question.

(10 sec. scene from Scanners):

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:35 | 2539364 Nothing To See Here
Nothing To See Here's picture

I mean, the mere idea of Maxine Waters interrogating Jamie Dimon is like having Frank Drebin on the trail of Carlos the Jackal.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:01 | 2539446 dbomb12
dbomb12's picture

That would lead to alcoholic poisoning and eventually death

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:20 | 2539812 financial apoca...
financial apocalyptic contagion's picture

summary of Dimon's speech: "Risk is awesome, I love risk, risk gives me a boner, risk is part of the American dream, only faggots dont take risks, this time though we fucked up on this isolated event, which doesnt mean we cant take no more risk in the future. They dont call us RiskyMorgan for nothing. I might be back soon on another risk-related debacle but it won't be the government's or the taxpayer's fault, it will be the company's coz we are chronically addicted to risk. God bless America and risk risk risk risk risk risk......"

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:22 | 2539817 Oro
Oro's picture

Bachus, try 10 times 10 million

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:58 | 2539200 narapoiddyslexia
narapoiddyslexia's picture

"We do not have a crisis at Freddie Mac, and particularly Fannie Mae, under the outstanding leadership of Frank Raines."

Maxine Waters, October 6, 2004.

'nuff said. Frank Raines is just one more of the many, many unprosecuted "mass crimes" criminals.

The realization creeps in that our government is becoming illegitimate, folks.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:34 | 2540072 spastic_colon
spastic_colon's picture

Having dumber politicians than business people is the same as having less is no accident

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 14:00 | 2540185 narapoiddyslexia
narapoiddyslexia's picture

True. a new light on the subject. Things change over time, tho, as the gubmint becomes more and more corrupt the politicians become dumber and dumber and dumber. Now that the US gubmint is the most corrupt on the planet its politicians are the dumbest. And then there's gullible, which is quite distinct from dumb, since very smart people can be very gullible. Witness Mormanism.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:57 | 2539210 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

well i'm wondering about jamie's cuff links

is that the FED logo?  the prezSeal?  maybe they we given to him by DOJustice?  kiwanis?

with jamie, the CFTC, FDIC, the SEC and the topGunner for the FED, if they carry jamie out on their shouders it's bullish!

nice little pump & dump already

when the FED shill gats the chair, 500.000 metric tonnes of gold will be naked shorted by jamie's blythe msMasters and silver will go down 5 cents in Sympathy for The Devil Rolling Stones - ( Live 1969 Altamont

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:01 | 2539232 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

I think the comments about Dimon wearing presidential cufflinks are overblown. The real story is all the congressmen wearing JP Morgan cufflinks.

Plus, you can't see it on camera, but I'm pretty sure they're all wearing Goldman Sachs cock-rings as well.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:03 | 2539455 dbomb12
dbomb12's picture

I think its a swastika

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:01 | 2539740 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

And I bet those retards think they look phat in the c-rings to boot!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:04 | 2539751 Oro
Oro's picture

Her we go!   The joke begins!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:07 | 2539763 Oro
Oro's picture

It was not the answer she wall looking for!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:07 | 2539764 Oro
Oro's picture

It was not the answer she wall looking for!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:09 | 2539259 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

Dude, this is a complete shit show. (Our country, that is.)

Check this:

He's wearing "Presidential Seal" cufflinks. Oh my God. What a fucking absolute shit show. Why not have Corzine and Obama sitting right next to him?

As a banker, CRED ZERO. As a businessman, CRED ZERO. As a man, CRED ZERO.

Bunch of fucking absolute moronic scumbags.


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:19 | 2539303 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

He's making a statement to the committee, to Congress, and to anyone watching on TV: "fuck you you shitbirds, i OWN the POTUS, so let's end this farce and go home, where I will continue buttfucking you relentlessly, you stupid worthless fucks."

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:32 | 2540066 blindfaith
blindfaith's picture



Sorry, you have it wrong...he own everyone, not just the pontus.  He is symbolizing he is the President and in charge.  Don't like it? well see how you like your 401k busted.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 18:04 | 2540991 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

Absolute fucking third world shit show. They have turned this great country into a fucking disgusting characature.

Complete FUCKERY.

What are we, fucking children? We trade in little coupons that these motherfuckers print out of thin air? Whee! So these scumbag gangsters directly control the purchasing power of our savings. This is childish stupidity.

Is there any "full retard" moron out there who is somehow mystified with what exactly is wrong with our so-called "economy?"

Gee! I can't quite figure it out! FUCKING EPIC STUPID CHILDISH SHIT.

We need sound money RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

By the way according to the article I posted above, Obama & wife are clients of JPM/Chase private client services, with a FUCKING CHECKING ACCOUNT that appartently has $1 million in it. Can this be any more pathetic?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 17:58 | 2540979 Ghostdog
Ghostdog's picture

Hey Banzai, where are the Hong Kong Caviliers when you need them? "There are money boys on the premises!"

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:32 | 2539844 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Bingo.  Bring Clemens back into the chamber here and have him fire a 100 mph fastball right between Jamie's beadly eyes.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:29 | 2540054 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

So... just curious... does anybody know whether Obama gives those out to catchers or just pitchers?

(trying to calibrate my gaydar, here)

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 17:03 | 2540832 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

The magic cuff links mean that Dimon is short 8 grams less gold than GATA calculates.


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:15 | 2539288 fourchan
fourchan's picture

every time i see maxine waters, i see whats wrong with this country/world.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:15 | 2539518 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Self-righteous parasites with power?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:55 | 2539703 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture


What about the $800/hr legal hacks behind Dimon, do you think they might be up to their eyeballs in the rape and pillage as wel?


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:35 | 2540078 blindfaith
blindfaith's picture



Rest assured that they are not making $800 an hour.  Not when starting "pay" at stepetoe and johnhansen is 3 million fresh out of school.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:30 | 2539343 Taterboy
Taterboy's picture

They are subway tokens. He wanted to impress his banker buddies with something they've never seen.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:57 | 2539211 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

1 shot every time someone blames regulation.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:23 | 2539569 Morrotzo
Morrotzo's picture

I'm a Wisconsin alcoholic and I'm afraid to play that without activated charcoal and 911 on speed dial.


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:31 | 2539605 flattrader
flattrader's picture

Spent some time in WI.

The alcoholics there are nothing special...just colder than most.

Uff Da!!!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:04 | 2539753 battle axe
battle axe's picture

Jamie Dimon will start talking about the Alpha and Delta of the trades, then throw in Synthetic Derivatives, and the Congressmen will be scratching there heads because they will have no idea what the hell he is talking about. What a Colossal waste of time. But I love that media whore Maxine, god that women is funny, tragic but funny....Non-Event. 

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:39 | 2539864 Linus2011
Linus2011's picture



Tue, 06/19/2012 - 22:16 | 2541692 bnbdnb
bnbdnb's picture

Umm, have the Tyler's brought up the fact that by disclosing this loss, JD is basically telling everyone to pile onto his position, while creating himself an opportunity to hedge the other way? I mean, really a $2b loss? Seriously?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:33 | 2539117 Clueless Economist
Clueless Economist's picture

Maxine is one smoking hot babe.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:36 | 2539129 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

her appearance is the least of her problems. Actually, for like 72 years old, she ain't that bad. But you can't fix stupid

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:39 | 2539145 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

If you stare into a dairy cow's eyes you'll see the same facial expression that Maxine Waters has

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:03 | 2539184 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



I have met Maxine Waters and I own dairy cows, so I am qualified to say that you are incorrect.  Please, refrain from further insulting my productive, valuable, beautiful, and intelligent cattle.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:11 | 2539273 pepperspray
pepperspray's picture

I was just thinking the same last night about my neighbor.  About the part how he looks like a cow; not Maxine.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:29 | 2539313 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture'll see the same facial expression...

I simply cannot imagine what Global Hunter was thinking.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:45 | 2539392 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

the one on the left still looks productive...

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:26 | 2540041 Carl Spackler
Carl Spackler's picture

Thank you, francis, for the laugh.

the productivity quote just made my day.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:51 | 2540148 short-swap
short-swap's picture

the one on the left's hair is actually its own.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 15:10 | 2540448 Jena
Jena's picture

But I worry about where she wears the aforementioned cock ring.  Or rather, perhaps her husband does.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:02 | 2539450 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Facial expression???   That's just gas.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:32 | 2539845 battle axe
battle axe's picture

Ok, I will say what everyone is thinking, if you put a gun to my head, I would bang the one on the left instead of the one on the right.....MOOOOO!!!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:34 | 2539847 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Jamie talks to black people?  When did that start?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:44 | 2539162 Manthong
Manthong's picture

If ugly was gravity, what would Maxine Waters be?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:49 | 2539181 5880
5880's picture

Good one


But nobody would want it

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:16 | 2539290 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

A singularity.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:24 | 2539322 Hopeless for Change
Hopeless for Change's picture

The same thing she is in reality:  a Black Hole.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:21 | 2539557 Mr. Fix
Mr. Fix's picture


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:51 | 2539914 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

If stupid was money she'd be Jamie Dimon...

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:33 | 2539120 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

I don't see it. Two billion loss? That's a no-sigma event for JPM. What is the real issue here?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:39 | 2539140 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

it's a lot more than $2B.  <- and you can put that on the poster!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:18 | 2539300 FMR Bankster
FMR Bankster's picture

It was $2 billion until they disclosed it and traders had them on the run. Who knows what it is now. My guess is $5 billion plus. Ego at work here though. Look for Jamie to sell $100 billion of bonds and generate a one time gain to offset the loss. Keep the old master of the universe PR machine working as best he can.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:18 | 2540005 riley martini
riley martini's picture

 I think the real issue congress are JPM shareholders and insiders in a rigged game there should not be a loss unless some other insider is stealing . Thats the shock from congress to them it's not a loss they want to know who took their money from the rigged game.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:35 | 2539126 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:38 | 2539139 yabyum
yabyum's picture

Tyler, Is there a list of campaign contributions (bribes) for this sorry lot.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:39 | 2539143 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Barney really wants to suck on that microphone

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:42 | 2539150 dannyboy
dannyboy's picture

Those "Picket fence balance sheets". And Dimon "A well respected director" so far, are my favourites.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:11 | 2539144 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



"What Would Sandy Do?", wonders Mr. Dimon.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:40 | 2539146 El Viejo
El Viejo's picture

OJT for future lobbying jobs

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:41 | 2539147 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Shut the fuck up Fwank.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:41 | 2539149 Wynn
Wynn's picture

dimons are a muppets best friend

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:44 | 2539151 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture

Jamie must have the softest shoes, because his earlier testimony was one of the greatest displays of congressional bootlicking I have ever seen. I am surprised Jamie didn't actually require them to do it on camera rather than in a smoke filled back room.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:22 | 2539318 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture

I found the basis for some of the Senators the opening remarks.

Compère  Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the refreshment room here at Bletchley. My name is Kenny Lust and I'm your compère for tonight. You know, once in a while it is my pleasure, and my privilege, to welcome here at the refreshment room, some of the truly great international artists of our time. And tonight we have one such artist. Ladies and gentlemen, someone whom I've always personally admired, perhaps more deeply, more strongly, more abjectly than ever before. A man, well, more than a man, a god, a great god, whose personality is so totally and utterly wonderful my feeble words of welcome sound wretchedly and pathetically inadequate. Someone whose boots I would gladly lick clean until holes wore through my tongue, a man who is so totally and utterly wonderful, that I would rather be sealed in a pit of my own filth, than dare tread on the same stage with him. Ladies and gentlemen, the incomparably superior human being, Harry Fink (My bold and ital)

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:52 | 2539419 falak pema
falak pema's picture

we r in the middle ages. Where is Frodo of middle kingdom?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:42 | 2539155 adr
adr's picture

If Maxine Waters could actually pass a second grade math test, I would be pleasantly surprised.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:43 | 2539157 Zola
Zola's picture

I would say that Bernanke has already wiped out more than 20pct of the economy because it is not nominal growth that matter but the capital stock of the country , human, financial, cultural, moral. In all of these areas, the effect of these policies has been much much worse than without QE. Destruction of all pillars of American society. Collapse cometh

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:00 | 2539226 Sofa King Confused
Sofa King Confused's picture

Where is the predator when you need it

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:44 | 2539159 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Maxine is just GOOD TV. Her special genius is soon going to take its rightful place as head of this committee. YIPPEE

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:49 | 2539185 LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

Maxine is "GOOD TV" only when questioning a WHITE person.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:55 | 2539207 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

"So Jamie, can I aks you a question?" "How many of those derivatives did you receive in compensation?" "And I need to aks you if you have any black people in your london orifice?" "I would reccomend my nephew cuz he needs to have some derivatives too wink wink"

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:09 | 2539257 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

lizzy, high upon her pony, is predicting the Dems will take the House back

pour her a stiff one and get her going side-saddle-godiva;  she's already let down her hair...

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:43 | 2539160 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

LMFAO!!  Two fools debating make believe "laws".

So long as there are no real consequences for bad behavior at all levels of society, nothing will fucking change until it all simply falls apart.  The laws of physics and Nature make no promises regarding anyone's survival and in the end, these are the only laws that matter.  Fucking morons, all of them.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:04 | 2539169 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Heeeeeere's Jenna...P Star to watch BJ big to swallow


Bring In Jenna Jamieson to testify;  i ll watch.....otherwise its  all like Senate BJ with their bJ for Pac $$$,  a  BS  a fade....


Europe blows,  range loss $ 10 -15 Billion   ... $ 100 B bailout to banking industry


meanwhile....Heres Jenna...



Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:47 | 2539177 LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

Holy Shit! Even Hollywood limited the stooges to only THREE!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:49 | 2539182 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

And we get the biggest RETARDS in congress to "question" him....much like asking Jamie on the golf course where his ball last crossed the hazzard!


'fries are up!"


Mongo and friends having a chat with Jamie...wast of time!


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:50 | 2539183 midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

at least he has to endure these imbeciles on teevee for awhile. unfortunately that is the extent of the punishment dimon &/or jpm will ever receive for countless felonies.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:50 | 2539187 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Not much sport for Mr. Dimon, facing this committee is like shooting fish in a barrel with a machine gun.  Watching paint dry would be more mentally challenging than facing this group of congresspersons: "Mr. Dimon, when you are talking about hedges, do you mean those around your home or those around your office building and how can hedges be that much of a problem?"

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:55 | 2539206 dannyboy
dannyboy's picture

"I'M A MOVIE STAR" - Capuano

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:57 | 2539213 El
El's picture

Watching Congress is like watching a train wreck. These people truly defy belief.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:50 | 2539412 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

Buy and sell the country down the river everyday and get pay and pensions for their trouble.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:14 | 2539510 realitybiter
realitybiter's picture

Read there bios.

It is a joke. 

studied poli sci.  maybe went to law school.  worked on a city council campaign.  ran for council, won.  5 years later Congressman Idiot.  20 years later they are still there with there face squished up against the ceiling of the peter principle.


It is rare that someone is in Congress that actually has any understanding of what real life and real economics is about. 10 maybe 20% of the House.

Maybe I'll write a book.  A coffee table book detailing the vapid bios of the members of Congress.

"Worst and the Dimmest"

"If Washington is Hollywood for Ugly People than Congress is a Mensa Group for Dimwits in DC"



I can't watch Obscene Maxine.  I break too many perfectly good monitors.  I listen to her and wonder "can she clean herself in the morning?"  "and she makes laws?"  "how stupid are we?"

But then, the Senators who blew Jamie last week are no better....maybe not as dumb, but equally corrupted and completely void of moral conscience.  


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:39 | 2539633 realitybiter
realitybiter's picture

For example, Rep Pearce had reasonable testimony.  He owned a business for 20 years.  Not political pro or jaded welder. (prior two)...I appreciate the welders perspective, but understanding that alone is not enough.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 09:59 | 2539221 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

There is NO valid capitalism without bankruptcy.

You can print up 2000 pages of regulation, but you can't escape a basic tenant of capitalism is failure.

But hell merit badges have been established everywhere else so why not in business.

What a great system....everyone gets TBTF participation points. 

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:00 | 2539223 Kina
Kina's picture

Will Securities and Exchange Commission Chairman Mary Schapiro ask to suck Jamie's silver dick today? That's the main job description is it not?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:00 | 2539227 Alex Lionson
Alex Lionson's picture

Go to the Library of Congress and see who, what and how important was JP Morgan in 1911. It is the same if not bigger now. So who do you expect to reprimand it now?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:05 | 2539238 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

what happened?


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:06 | 2539245 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Heeeeere's Jenna..... swallow it congress, too big to fail

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:12 | 2539253 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

"This trading may not have violated the Volcker Rule, but it violated the Dimon principle." - Jamie "How Much for the Committee?" Dimon

Dimon principle - Only making losses public only after a securing a bailout through overt campaign contributions, death threats, and causing panic to the sheeple through secured media channels.

I am so confused as to how someone can lose money with an unlimited amount of negative interest money being shoveled to them daily.  Actually I am not confused.  This money is never actually lost per se, it is lining the pockets of some monetary cannibal out there.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:08 | 2539254 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

why are we watching last weeks hearing?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:11 | 2539269 jjsilver
jjsilver's picture

Judicial Watch Announces List of Washington’s “Ten Most Wanted Corrupt Politicians” for 2011

    Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-AL)
    Former Senator John Ensign (R-NV)
    Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-FL)
    Attorney General Eric Holder
    Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. (D-IL)
    President Barack Obama
    Rep. Laura Richardson (D-CA)
    Rep. David Rivera (R-FL)
    Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA)
    Rep. Don Young (R-AK)

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:46 | 2539666 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Only ten? Well, that's kind of pointless!

They'd be better off making a list of the "Ten Least Corrupt." Assuming they could find that many, that is.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:12 | 2539272 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Maxine DoucheBlackBag Waters is a race-baiting, idiotic, mean fuckin hagolopolus.

This cunt is the definition of racist.

Her "defense" of "Mr. Franklin Raines" was one of the most shameless acts of criminal cover up in Congressional history.

The problem is, bitchbag has the Watts section of Lossssssss Angeles as her district, so the dumb-as-dirt gimme,gimme,gimme blacks will keep voting the smelly cunt in.

The vagina needs to be investigated in her own right. Some of the shit she's pulled is criminal.

It is amazing to me that this smelly cunt is even listened to. I doubt she knows a lick about what JPM did, or the intricacies in any sort of detail.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:39 | 2539377 DanDaley
DanDaley's picture

Please, let's not go c's and v's...we can despise the brain and personality without disparaging the holy-of-holies.


Classic Maxine from 2008:

“And guess what this member* would be all about? This member would be all about socializing — er, uh. [Pauses for several moments] …. would be about … [pause] … basically … taking over, and the government running all of your companies.”

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:20 | 2539553 blindman
blindman's picture

“Hands Off My Clam” – Lisa Koch
Posted on June 19, 2012 by maxkeiser
another example of govern-mental over reach.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:12 | 2539276 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Fuck you Dimon and the Blythe you rode in on.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:56 | 2540171 JOYFUL
JOYFUL's picture


Light this man a Cohiba Robustos...

he won it fair n square!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:14 | 2539282 Segestan
Segestan's picture

I just want to know what either of these two ass holes is doing to get good paying jobs back in the USA? It doesn't matter what happened ; but rather what might happen.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:55 | 2539429 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

None of them gives a damn about jobs as that would, god forbid, put money back in the hands of the American people and cause, cause dare I say it....INFLATION.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:18 | 2539297 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

Where is the live feed...why did they switch to re-run of last weeks senate hearing.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:24 | 2539325 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

link to hearing now on delay on cspan radio...

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:55 | 2539347 blindman
blindman's picture

that link also has technical difficulties.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:57 | 2539437 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

yes they also ended their coverage...I guess the regulators were going to tell the truth.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:03 | 2539456 blindman
blindman's picture

seems they have overcome the difficulties
for now.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:21 | 2539308 TheSto
TheSto's picture

Technical difficulties? Efff, what am I going to do at work now...

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:25 | 2539330 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Meredtih Whitney finds Dimon charming and sexy, the antithesis to Blankfein! 

Jamie Dimon Is The Antithesis Of Lloyd Blankfein - Business Insider

Women stay women, fortunately! 

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:40 | 2539873 JOYFUL
JOYFUL's picture

Well, I took a boo at the link yu kindly provided, and I must say that my image of Meredith as [once pon a time] "charmin n sexy" has crashed n burned....big time. What the hay?

Is their a verb that's been created for 'óverdone plastic surgery on a face that looks no longer human'????

The Dimon[ic] Devil may not have bribed Waters, but it looks like he sure as hell got to Whitney....damn....

once she was legend!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:43 | 2539884 Oro
Oro's picture

What a joke!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 14:17 | 2540247 JOYFUL
JOYFUL's picture

read this

and yu will understand why I be so down in the dumps aboot Meredith lookin like a dump[ster];;

all she had to do was "hang on" - an everything she was sayin wooda cooda shooda been proven Korrect...

i write this one off to the absence of 'good nuff 'men to keep the odd good nuff women in the formerly good nuff Merika happy nuff to 'do the right thang!'

nuff nuff respect Meredith...yu did yur it shoulda bin good nuff!

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:47 | 2539899 slackrabbit
slackrabbit's picture

How much does she owe him?

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 13:39 | 2540103 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Her life, by the way she goes on about him while ignoring all of the sleaze.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:31 | 2539346 Kurion
Kurion's picture

can we say wells notice...

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:34 | 2539358 The Proletariat
The Proletariat's picture

How do "regulators" [especially alien looking fuckers like Gensler] get the prefix "honorable".....what makes them "honorable"??????

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:43 | 2539393 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Fuck this is just a repeat of a few days ago. Dimon just said the same exact thing about "large complex institutions" word for word that he said during the previous  testimony. What a joke.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:52 | 2539413 Kina
Kina's picture

Dimon is probably thinking, shit you paid for JPM slaves, at least make it look real.

5 pieces of silver buys 5 politicians as easy as you like.

Banksters no doubt look down on US Congressmen as cheap hookers, bought for a handful of change and willing to do anything.

Meanwhile the same cheap hooker congressmen probably think they are up there equal with them, not realising the Banksters hold them in contempt as worthless human beings.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:52 | 2539418 Joshua Falken
Joshua Falken's picture

There are no clients yachts left for us to repossess




Well, I don't know as I want a lawyer to tell me what I shouldn't do. I hire him to tell me how to monetise what others might consider immoral, illegal and repugnant

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 10:53 | 2539420 razorthin
razorthin's picture

Wow, the devious vs. the clueless.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:14 | 2539497 Morrotzo
Morrotzo's picture

If I were a banker and Maxine Waters started talking shit to me I would bring up her Ethics Committee investigation where she steered TARP money to a completely insolvent black-owned bank her husband worked at, OneUnited.

The FDIC allowed OneUnited to recognize $20 million in future tax benefits, from stock losses, as capital. OneUnited was the only bank under the FDIC’s jurisdiction to get such an exemption. And when the company was awarded $12 million TARP money (again, over the objections of FDIC staff), the FDIC let OneUnited count it as capital before it even received the funds. Later on, an FDIC official complained in an e-mail that the special treatment OneUnited got was “a travesty of justice”—which, of course, it was.

How could such a corrupt shithead be on a banking committee? Oh, oh right. She's perfect!


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:22 | 2539516 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

House Financial Services Committee members only got:


(and change) in "contributions" from Bankers so they are no doubt EAGLE-EYED and DETERMINED to find and do nothing other than have a "hearing" and lob softballs to their overlord Jamie "Flavius" Dimon.


Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:17 | 2539537 vegas
vegas's picture

Dictionary definition of completely clueless partisan hack = picture of Maxine Waters. Makes Nixon & LBJ look like Boy Scouts, but because she is black, none of the graft/corruption and outright stealing matters a whit because it doesn't advance the storyline. Just once Jamie, show some balls and tell this twit to go fuck herself.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:31 | 2539606 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

LONDON - A British company said Tuesday it has cancelled insurance for a Russian ship it says was carrying munitions to Syria — a shipment the British government says included refurbished military helicopters.

U.K.-based insurer Standard Club said in a statement that it had been made aware that a Russian ship, MV Alaed, was carrying the munitions destined for Syria, in clear breach of its rules.

"We consequently informed the ship owner that their insurance cover ceased automatically in view of the nature of the voyage," it said in a statement.

Britain's Foreign Office confirmed it was aware that a ship carrying a consignment of refurbished Russian-made attack helicopters was heading to Syria. It said Britain's Foreign Secretary William Hague had told Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov that all defence shipments to Syria must stop.

"We are working closely with international partners to ensure that we are doing all we can to stop the Syrian regime's ability to slaughter civilians being reinforced through assistance from other countries," the Foreign Office said in a statement.

The BBC reported Tuesday that the ship was about 50 miles (80 kilometres) off the Outer Hebrides off the northwest coast of Scotland. The Foreign Office and Standard Club refused to give details of its location.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton issued a harsh reprimand of Russia last week, when she said that Moscow "dramatically" escalated the crisis in Syria by sending attack helicopters there. The State Department acknowledged later the helicopters she accused Moscow of sending were actually refurbished ones already owned by the Assad regime, but Russia was clearly annoyed, and the spat further fueled tensions between the two countries over Syria.

It was not immediately clear whether the helicopters aboard the Alaed were the ones to which Clinton had been referring.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:34 | 2539616 mudduck
mudduck's picture

All our derivative trades are hedges. Honest.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:42 | 2539642 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Repeat After me...theres no Trade but   we just fudged by changing the MODEL... VAR.. LOL...

hey....i paid you alll PAC money....SHUDDDDDDDUPPPPPP.



Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:44 | 2539656 DecisionTime
DecisionTime's picture

Dimon looking tan.  Good to see he's living an active lifestyle.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 11:49 | 2539684 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"I see no reason to have Mr. Dimon take an oath."


Of course not, can't bite the hand that feeds you.

Tue, 06/19/2012 - 12:09 | 2539772 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

maybe they should have just met at a local pub.


GOP rarely swears can one call this testimony?

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