Friday Afternoon Humor From JP Morgan

Submitted by Tyler Durden on 10/21/2011 15:47 -0400

Because one is born every minute (even if one is ineligible for a mortgage with JPM).

h/t nolsgrad

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Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:49 | 1798294 PicassoInActions

Great, i am going to foreclose one and get one from JPM

Are they giving free lonas with negative interes?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:53 | 1798324 flacon

Is it a good time to buy a hobby farm, out in the sticks (Canada)? My elderly parents were wondering.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:54 | 1798331 SGS

David Lebovitz.

Nuff said.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:01 | 1798345 hedgeless_horseman

Allow me to save you some time with this condensed version.

BTFDYFI

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:18 | 1798444 dwdollar

"Many observers at the time realized that too many houses were being built, homeprices were rising too quickly and lending standards were being dangerously compromised in fueling the bubble."

LMAO... that's not how I remembered it. All I heard was buy, buy, and buy another one. Rewrite history much?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:41 | 1798529 MrBoompi

"Many" as in the Fabulous Fab and John Paulson....

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:07 | 1798602 Fukushima Sam

Housing: Now is the Time to Buy MBS

^{A Presentation to the Federal Reserve}

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:51 | 1799101 Henry Chinaski

Yow! Just blew vodka out my nose. Would appreciate a more specific warning.

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 01:21 | 1799586 AldousHuxley

vodka and zerohedge Friday night is not the ideal way to prep for the weekend...unless you were about to buy a house. Because Fed is so confident in the economy that they said they will have ZIRP for next 2 years.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:45 | 1798895 Pool Shark

I believe the correct quote is:

"Now is a good time to buy, or sell a home."

http://bigpicture.typepad.com/comments/images/its_a_great_time.png

Thank you David Lereah...

http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/david-lereah.jpg

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:54 | 1799108 J 457

Strange, I heard the same buy, buy, buy story for stocks this last week as well.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 21:07 | 1799251 spiral_eyes

the time to buy will be at 10oz/ AU: 1 Median house.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:00 | 1798370 nope-1004

I love the disclosure right next to the logo at the end:

NOT FDIC INSURED | MAY LOSE VALUE | FRAUDS R US

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:10 | 1798412 Unprepared

Is it normal all I can see is a two-wheeler desperately spinning out of a recurring dream instead of what is supposed to be pdf file ?

I am missing the humour.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:30 | 1798496 Jena

and in the really tiny print: BITCHEZ!

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:55 | 1798333 Western

The only bubbles appear to be Vancouver and the tar sands cities like Calgary/Edmonton.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:58 | 1798353 flacon

Looking at S.W Ontario. Land prices are pretty steep: $700,000 for 10 acre crop farm. I don't know if that is a "bubble" or not...

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:47 | 1798719 Arkadaba

SW Ontario land is pretty rich (in a farmland type of way).

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:56 | 1798338 Stevious

The problem with "out in the sticks" is what happens when gasoline goes to $15/gallon?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:58 | 1798349 kaiserhoff

No one sends food to New Yawk or DC.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:20 | 1798462 dwdollar

And small towns regain their significance.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:35 | 1798511 NotApplicable

Richard Cantillon's Essay on the Nature of Trade in General laid it all out nearly 300 years ago.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:20 | 1799009 Old Poor Richard

Good luck with that.

Read The Hunger Games, a book for teenagers about what totalitarian government does when insurrectionist/secessionist regions stop sending Caesar's share back to Rome.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:24 | 1798476 mynhair

Why wait?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:00 | 1798364 LawsofPhysics

Guess that depends if you have to drive to work and/or how far away your food actually has to travel. Might want to avoid population centers for a while.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:02 | 1798381 LongBallsShortBrains

Horses increase in value.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:32 | 1798503 Village Idiot

"Horses increase in value"

Spoken like a true horse trader.lol

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:56 | 1798340 chet

Amazingly, the bubble hasn't popped yet in Canada. Buyer beware.

Google what you can buy in Vancouver BC for $1 million. It's funny.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:59 | 1798361 hedgeless_horseman

Thank the Chinese.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:25 | 1798645 Paul Bogdanich

"Thank the Chinese."

Germans actually. Which you might know had you ever been there.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:32 | 1798491 Catch-22

Actually it's popping as we speak... Some areas have gone cold and inventories are mushrooming. The prices really have not gone dawn yet cause sellers are waiting for the soft spot to pass (transitory) and are holding their price. Unless your a momo, know is the time to short that bitch.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:37 | 1798521 NotApplicable

Just wait until Fukushima finishes enriching the place. Then the fun really starts.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:47 | 1798915 PMakoi

LMHA (laugh my hair off)

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:50 | 1798731 Arkadaba

Not quite yet.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:37 | 1798673 doomz78

The canadian government is ignoring high inflation so their precious real estate market doesn't explode. The more I look at it the more I see that we are also screwed in Canada. Keep those interest rates low dummies. The bubble is now ginormous. Vancouver, Then Calgary, Then Toronto. The biggest bubbles will pop first.

Ben Bernanke also has a part in this... Canadian central bank had to keep interest rates low to "compete" with the global market. lol In this competition you want your currency at zero. F-cken meatheads. Ben Bernanke is like a retard hopping along in a potato sack, so what does Mark Carney do? (Canadian central banker) He grabs a potato sack, has a 26'er or rye and decides to race the other retard Bernanke. Don't they look smart. Two retards hopping side by side in an open field with genuine dumb ass grins on their faces. It's a thing of beauty. The race to create the next bubble. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:10 | 1798793 Arkadaba

I kind of agree that there is a real estate bubble in Canada. But...I'm so happy to be back home. Canada is a large country with a small population with incredible resources. We will do well. Unless the US invades us because of all the arctic oil. Or Jamie Dimon wants to take his smackdown of Carney to the next level. Canadian investors aren't that smart and they are conservative. They didn't take risks via CDS so little exposure.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:33 | 1799497 Dirt Rat

Have you played Crack Shack or Mansion?

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 02:18 | 1799616 Hicham

That's an excellent site! Pretty funny haha

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:02 | 1798585 Desert Irish

nah...wait until we have our housing crisis.....people running aroung my neighborhood with $500K / $600K mortgages because the banks let them. Because we're Canadian nothing's going to happen here like the US housing market. Yep.....stay tuned

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:13 | 1798807 prains

Is it a good time to buy a hobby farm, out in the sticks (Canada)? My elderly parents were wondering.

if you have to refer to canada as the sticks, chances are your attitude as well as your parents won't be welcome there for too long, you might want to try hobby farming in east LA instead

you'll go over great there.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:57 | 1798335 nope-1004

Just makin' Jamie proud so when they all meet at Roosters later today the idiot author can say he recommended something.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:49 | 1798302 maxw3st

How could anyone trust a bank for investment advice at this point? Rule of thumb, if a bank is selling, so should you-first if at all possible.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:31 | 1798502 azusgm

Remember that you are their counterparty, not their client.

Run Little Rabbit, run, run away.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:50 | 1798304 Careless Whisper

the only thing it may be a good time to buy is some JPM put options

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:50 | 1798307 DavidC

Forgive my language but what fucking planet are these morons on?

DavidC

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:18 | 1798447 Unprepared

On planet earth. Just on a different dimension. Hence the talk about "Surreal" by some ABBA fun chairman turned philosopher, proving they are all deep inside Plato's cave.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:34 | 1798510 mayhem_korner

You may have coined a new phrase..."surreal estate."

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:36 | 1798515 caerus

i wish i had thought of that

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:25 | 1798644 Reptil

awesome

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:37 | 1798523 duo

Yup. 10,000 baby boomers retiring every week (and probably wanting to sell their house to some schmuck), 85% of last year's college grads living with their parents, less people making $50K or more per year than there was in 1997! Where is the greater fool going to come from to buy your house? No household formation equals no demand.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:47 | 1798704 Use of Weapons

Apparently not the case in the UK (and potentially, Western Europe):

The current housing crisis is not principally about Britain having enough housing but about the way it is shared between older and younger generations.

Under-occupation of houses is encouraged by the tax system and there are now 25 million surplus bedrooms in under-occupied houses in England. ‘Hoarding of living space’ (under- occupation) is increasing very rapidly.

Under-occupied housing has increased from 20% of all households to about 33%, according to the English Housing Survey.

The divide between the housing-haves and housing-have-nots has moved from being one dominated by class to one dominated by age. The huge increase in housing wealth by the older generation was broadly matched by a big increase in mortgage debt by younger people.

This is important as housing wealth has grown rapidly – from about the same as GDP in 1980 to about twice that level over the last 30 years.

House ownership is virtually unaffordable for younger people in the parts of Britain where there is work. As a result, private renting has increased by over 50% during the last 8 years.

16 million people now live in under-occupied properties in England. This is equivalent to 37% of the total English housing stock.

Downsizing amongst the over 65s in the UK has stagnated, unlike the US.

http://www.if.org.uk/archives/1229/hoarding-of-housing-the-intergenerati...

Covered by the Guardian, amongst others.

[edit due to stupid parsing errors]

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:52 | 1799106 JPM Hater001

Forgive my language but what fucking planet are these morons on?

Oooo Oooo Oooo Mr Kateer Mr Kateer...Pick me pick me.

Well, it is a well know fact that every New yorker knows that Morgans come from planet Kardashian.

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 01:06 | 1799579 DeadFred

On the other hand the Goldmans are from Goa'uld. The name means "Children of the gods" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goa'uld hence Blankfein's assertion that he is doing God's work. Another little known financial fact, what I don't know I make up.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:52 | 1798308 gojam

"Market Insights program is designed to provide our ?nancialadvisor partners with a way to address the markets and theeconomy based on logic rather than emotion, enabling theirclients to make rational investment decisions" Translate that !!!

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:58 | 1798351 Mactheknife

That says, "Trust us, we know what the hell we're doing and you don't." ....riiiiight

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:20 | 1798457 Chuck Walla

He's right. I have no idea what they are doing. Trolling for suckers like the Carnys they are, I guess.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 20:21 | 1799166 itstippy

Financial Advisor Speak.

The salt-of-the-Earth TV Ford guy just says, "Now's the time to buy a Ford!"

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:50 | 1798310 mayhem_korner

RDD: Reality Deficit Disorder

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:09 | 1798410 MsCreant

Your avatar goes great with this "humor." I am sure that sheep is delectable!! And JPM is so greedy they are as obvious as Wile E. Meanwhile, sometimes those sheep are really sheep dogs "dressed to kill."

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:43 | 1798703 Balmyone

Home affordability may be high, but the likelihood that a buyer today will be underwater on their mortgage tomorrow is high. If mortgage rates were to rise, the effect on someone buying today would be to instantly put him under water along with the other 22% of current homeowners that are now underwater.

Sorry JPM, you a-holes, I think buying a house now sounds like a terrible idea.

The only thing I'm buyin is PHYSICAL gold and silver.

http://gainesvillecoins.com

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 12:03 | 1799949 mayhem_korner

Mortgage rates will rise soon enough. And not by 25 bps, either...

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:52 | 1798318 Manthong

? FOR INSTITUTIONAL USE ONLY/NOT FOR PUBLIC DISTRIBUTION

Some sort of internal office Halloween gag?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:10 | 1798415 MsCreant

Institution is polite for nut house.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:52 | 1798321 buzzsaw99

i think i will default on my under water mortgages and buy a cheaper house now. lmao

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:59 | 1798354 toady

Reverse that;

I'm going to buy a cheaper house, THEN default on my underwater properties.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:28 | 1798655 buzzsaw99

i should fire chase and hire you as my financial adviser. ;)

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:42 | 1798901 Montgomery Burns

You almost have it correct. 1) buy a new house 2) stop paying on current mortgages but continue to rent them out and collect the rent for the next year or 2, however long it takes for the bank to reposses them 3) Pay off huge portion of new mortgage with rental payments.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:31 | 1799035 buzzsaw99

anytime you want to start a hedge fund let us know.

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 01:18 | 1799585 DeadFred

Excellent!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKUOB8MN4Kc

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:55 | 1798322 Nascent_Variable

Just think of all those miserable people out there with underwater mortgages and soul-crushing debt. Not only can you take their house from them for way less than they paid for it, you can also assuage your conscience by becoming one of them in a few years. It's a win-win.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:52 | 1798323 GeneMarchbanks

So that's how they plan to fix PrimeX...

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:53 | 1798329 i_fly_me

They misspelled "Gold:"

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:01 | 1798373 moonstears

noted that, too...they spelled it "Housing".

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:54 | 1798332 Stevious

Off to the real estate agents...

Oh damn, I forgot, I'm unemployed--no loans for me....

Off to a real estate sales license school....

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:03 | 1798337 Dr. Engali

These people are just fucking goofy. My wife works for one of the largest real estate companies in town as a book keeper. Even through the worst of the crash they have faired pretty well and survived as a company. She just shared with me last night that for the first time in the history of the company they had to have a cash infusion to pay the bills.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 21:30 | 1799292 Stax Edwards

Blood in the streets if you will...Lulz

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:56 | 1798339 caerus

words fail me

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:03 | 1798384 hedgeless_horseman

Try booze. It is friday.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 16:10 | 1798414 caerus

i like the way you think...

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:53 | 1798740 Arkadaba

Trying but still not helping - damn!

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:02 | 1798761 Joeman34

You just need to try harder

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:58 | 1798355 THECOMINGDEPRESSION

Here is where JMP Morgan employees will be:

http://www.bumhits.com

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:59 | 1798357 Frank N. Beans

Home prices, housing demand and home building are very low, but they all seem set to increase. Housing inventories remain too high, but they are on a downward trend. And while the attitudes of both home buyers and home lenders remain very cautious, they should become less so in the years ahead.

in your dreams

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 15:59 | 1798359 Mark123