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For our Friday humor section, we pull up the funniest headlines from Bloomberg in ascending order.
h/t John Lohman
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You just cant make this shit up!!!
#1 is truly #1 for a reason
To bd the didn't mention that John McCain was saying Obama will do what america needs.... While he was supposed to back up Mitt Romney...
Or hows about Gnewt (the G is silent) ballooning the idea of Sarah for his VP mate?
Didn't somebody already try that one on for size?
Unemployment rate is 11.2% and we fucking lost 389,000 workers from November to December, NSA MFers.
No. To account for all the long-term unemployed who have fallen off benefits, plus all those who lose jobs and didn't or couldn't apply at all (e.g., self-employed), and surges of newcomers who can't find jobs in the first place (e.g., college graduates each year, <1/2 finding jobs now) just multiply the PonziRegime's figure by 3 : so it's c. 25%-30% now. Outside the Beltway Commentariat, I'm not sure anyone believes gov't #'s anymore; too much dissonance with the reality you can see around you every day.
Just think, Chaz has the demand now all that needs to be done is produce to meet the demand Line 10 meet Line 1 problem solved
Inquiring mindz wanna know: How much is a penis goin' for, these daze?
I don't know but a good pussy sure isn't cheap.
Well we all know a whore will say anything to get over. That was a good one though. Think he asked her first?
newt is not given to asking. more pronouncing and expecting anything or one to be grateful for the recognition.
I wish that fat basterds mouth was silent.
Wish in one hand and suck my dick with the other. I wish you could spell and be silent.
Yeah, and look what we got in exchange.
Say what you want about her, she gave McCain's campaign some much needed energy.
If Chaz had remained a girl, she could of had several penises for free.
For number 1, I'd have put the story about the US Navy rescuing from pirates an Iranian fishing vessel only 2 days after being ordered to stay out of the Gulf by Iranian Admiral Ackbar (or whomever, fuck you). As orangetits adequately put it, "You just can't make this shit up!"
See how Biden is drooling all over Corzine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Quag9dp1Nn4&feature=youtu..be
Biden likes the bottom.
So lemme get this straight. They can't sink a pirate Mothership, but they're gonna frighten the poor timid Stennis? No wonder the bales keep washing up.
You can't, Zionist warmonger. But ZOG does. More lead-in to the Iran War. "Can you believe it? Those 'effin Iranians. We rescue their damsals in distress, while they cut of our oil and prepare to exterminate us with nuclear weapons. Payback Time!"
Zionist warmonger?
You SO do not know who the fuck you're talking to.
US job market improved in December - You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Number 1..NUmber 1..That's some funny doo doo
Which would qualify it as #2 as well... Either way...
OT, but this is the greatest political ad I've ever seen and Ron Paul is running it. It's a MUST SEE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu_PJgqgdds
that is both fucking awesome and fucking true. Why do so many Americans fail to understand this? Do you guys really believe everybody loves you and your "spreading of democracy".
Ad may be too smart. We may be getting what we deserve.
I like the ad too. But, who is going to watch it for over 3 minutes?
I think it's well done enough to capture one's attention for that long, as the sense of urgency is captivating (it gave me goosebumps). All they have to do though, is what all other advertisers do these days, which is run the long version for a while, then edit it down to shorter versions which will still trigger the memories of the full version.
Even without TV though, there's still the internet. Next time someone starts bad-mouthing Dr. Paul, I'll pull this video up, then ask them if their opinion aligns with it. This commercial is a major effort to pull people out of their slumber.
I also liked watching the words form shapes, wondering what they would become. That they turned into the "Love" logo is pure brilliance. This gives me the opportunity to tell others that not only do I love, Dr. Paul, I know without a doubt that he loves me, and all of humanity, as well.
... not only do I love, Dr. Paul, I know without a doubt that he loves me, and all of humanity, as well.
He's a bit like Jesus that way.
edit: awesome, AWESOME vid. Hope it goes viral.
don't know if ZH'ers are familiar with Rap News, but the whole series is excellent, this one features Ron Paul:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELEwjVRxxGE
Sorry, but that is LAME
Sorry, noone cares what you think.
Sorry, but that is LAME
Burgers, Bombs, Boobs & Beer more your speed??
it totally is...you should totally check out this site though.
lemonparty.org
It probably has everything that you need.
Here is something along the same vein.... but it's 11 minutes
top 10 campaign promises
All the good shit is blocked out here in China. I was here in September and it did not seem as bad then.....suppose the chicoms know something is coming and want to spare the locals all the angst? Even FOFOA is blocked. I could definitely read him in September. Life without Youtube (and several other links from ZH today) ... boringer than usual.
+1 "fucking awesome and fucking true."
Even as Ron Paul will most likely not be allowed to be president, I think he is reaching more and more people and just might wake up a few and open their eyes.
Bollocks -- most Americans instinctively understand that it is our military hegemony that is ensuring our top dog status -- we just need the cover that the MSM conveniently provides justifying our action and we are sold. We are addicted to overconsumption of world's resources and we would be loathe to change our ways and will not unilaterally give up. Ron Paul does not stand a chance with his rhetoric to unilaterally withdraw from our military dominance -- other powerful nations will have to attempt to wrest it from the US of A with their blood and treasure. It is not going to be handed to them on a plate. What our foreign suppliers get for the USD that they "earn" from trading with the US is the right to buy oil denominated in USD that is delivered from the ME and Africa assured by our military might. Might is right -- this is the unpalateble truth that ZHers have to reconcile with (don't shoot the messenger for stating the facts)...
Those arn't facts, those are bullshit. History teaches us "other powerful nations", WILL NOT have to wrest it from the US of A, they just need to wait for the inevitable collapse of one more in a long line of overspending, militaristic empires. The boogie man is not coming to get you, why bother when you have already slit your own throats.
You're both right. Just depends what time it is. The later it is, the older the empire wears.
...this is the unpalateble truth that ZHers have to reconcile with...
What makes you "think" that all ZHers support such an idea? Check your premises.
Because war is different from your couch watching it on TV.
"they hate us for our FREEDOMS bro!!" :)
Awesome political Ad. Finally, the truth.
YES! Yes. Yes. Yes.
Hearing the truth brought me to tears. I hope enough Americans of get this message it really is a question of are we going to be subject to world war and economic depression or the alternative Dr. Paul.
Come lets go, get the message its hard enough focusing on keeping a house and family going fuck this war shit, we all have better things to do.
Tears, yes.
That ad would get %40 of Democrat/Independent voters.
Of course, it would turn off the 10% Rhino Republicrats, but the country is worth it.
The ad is talking about foreign troops, but really, it could apply to TSA and cops, since they kill people by ``mistake`` all the time, violate the constitution million of times a day, etc...
With the TSA setting up checkpoints across America and with the NDAA passed, the shit is not far from hitting the fan... and when it does, America will turn into Iraq/Afghanistan.
"....it could apply to TSA and cops, since they ....violate the constitution million of times a day..."
More truth.
most specifically the heinous "war on drugs" which paul opposes, uniquely among top presidential contenders or even politicians of national stature generally.
That's sick. I would give more thumbs up if I could.
I didn't even smirk until I got to #1 and then I ROFL'd so bad I spilled my drink!
mmmmm....drink....
It's almost 5 o'clock here (and somewhere...)
STIFF COCK ANYONE??? (ILL TAKE 2!!)
I'm pretty sure you're a dude...
So is that a booby prize?
Edit: Oh my god, it's back fat. Rolls and rolls of...
Wal-Martian.
Funny.
Rolls of back fat.
Jesus, woman.
What have you been doing with your life?
That's it, I'll go to Wal-Mart and become a back fat spotter.
"Attention, back fat cleanup in aisle two"
That's just wrong.
"Attention, back fat cleanup in aisle two"
That's just wrong.
I expect nothing less(more) from a "pinhead!" :>D
I'm pretty sure he's got enough holes that his dudeness won't be an issue to the guys doing it just to see the look on his face. Now let the man deprave in peace; he needs the money (MF global client).
slow your roll homo ...crist
I didn't really laugh until the end. This is the best one yet, Tyler.
#1 is lololol. Recently hired [and probably already fired] bicycle couriers hired to fetch shiny bobbles from Tiffany's for criminal syndicate Wall Street bankers too stoned to make it there themselves.
You should run this top-ten every week.
US Jobs Market Improved In December.
Gotta love the financial porn.
They could try and give the market a tattoo for permanent improvement.
Bernanke, Charged with castrating US economy, could face life?
Damn, that woman castrating husband shit gives me the willies. Won't sleep too good tonite.
Do you really think you won't wake up before your wife gets done setting up the magnifier?
I strongly object to female revenge tips being posted on this venerable site.... the wimmins got enough ideas already.
nervous?
She tried that once, and I didn't budge until the arborists started up their chainsaws. Bitch.
At this pace, we'll be at 7% or less by November. What a joke.
I don't know...maybe the pic that banzai7 posted earlier...made me think of the Sark on #3.
It's Friday Bitchez...
what was funnier than the jobs numbers was the airheaded Bloomberg presenter reporting it then looking up to see the US Exchanges all red ...Bloomberg had spent all morning hyping the jobs and the positive impact it would have on the markets.. instead they got a slap in the face with a wet fish
Priceless
Neither about jobs or a penis, I find this pretty bizarre:
http://www.tomsguide.com/us/Sweden-File-sharing-Religion-Kopimism-Church...
We're all going to the " Big House"! /sarc
/sarc? Not with NDAA.
We're all going to the "Big Brother House".
The funniest headline this spring will be:
"Santorum wins Republican nomination".
Ron Paul ad: "Santorum: Record of Betrayal" (YouTube)
MSN 14:38 Princeton study reveals: Banker penises grow by 65% when watching Mr. Bernankes finger approaches the print button.
What if you're a shower and not a grower?
MSN 14:38 Princeton study reveals: Banker penises become WMD when watching Mr. Bernankes finger approaches the print button.
Fixed it for ya
For the first time ever, roids and Viagra have failed to cause enough swelling. Maybe Chaz Boner isn't wrong to go buy a penis
You're funny.
Obama could certainly swallow that!
Sploosh...
#11 Obama says students "inspire" him at rally where everybody laughs at him.
http://vegasxau.blogspot.com
Banker penal lists would be more appropriate.
According to BLS : 42,000 courier and messenger jobs were added in December. And 3 million people left the work force which lowers the unemployment rate. :-)
http://seekingalpha.com/article/317954-u-s-non-farm-payrolls-the-statist...
As first posted here:
Real Jobless Rate Is 11.4% With Realistic Labor Force Participation Rate
If Tyler has this blog for years and years, will he need to get a picuture of an aging Brad Pitt for his avatar? Hope Brad doesn't get all douchey with plastic surgery, tans, fake hair, and shit.
I think Brad has Dick Clark genes.
BTW, I am wondering how Mr. Pitt manages to do all of this... his children, his wife, the movies, this awesome site... Bravo!
He's had excellent work done already. As long as he keeps it discreet and uses the same surgeon, maybe we'll never see him wearing one of the creepy "Brad Pitt @ 40" masks. (Like that thing Stallone got grafted on recently.)
No matter, really--Tyler Durdens are fictional. No reason for them to age.
I see it more as a "Dread Pirate Roberts" type situation (as do the Tylers) you take your turn then pass the baton.
Hat tip, O Tyler! You were on it. Scuse my redundancy
Thank You! My " Mud Hut" just Crumbled. That was a complement.<
stranger than fiction
take a 2 month christermas hiring of temp retail and "couriers" and this is the obama economic miracle? what happened to "UNEMPLOYMENT IS THE BEST STIMULUS"? OBAMAMERICA, WHERE HOOLIGANS ARE EMPLOYED IN DC AND WALL STREET....
Too funny!
Doesn't Chaz know that saving is for suckers?
Surely there's an addadictomy clinic that will finance?
It's so sad. Somewhere out there is a guy trying to give his dick away.
Most guys just want to grant usage rights ;-)
Maybe they match people changing sex in each direction so they can trade.
2 boobs for a dick!
Wouldn't a good strap-on be a lot cheaper and more versatile?
Very true. I am sure Cher has a few old strap-ons left over from her days with Sonny.
Very true. I am sure Cher has a few old strap-ons left over from her days with Sonny.
funny stuf,, just like the kennysen econnamy
"the U. S. jobs market improved in December". Yup. Uh - huh. That's almost as funny as the money. At least the Euro can give the Federal Reserve note directions. Last one out the employment door, clean the restrooms, before you go.
http://georgesblogforum.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/the-daily-climb-2/
The biggest joke is that we have started 2012 with a global recession on the cards thanks to Obama's new and improved economic sanctions on Iran.
"So why did Obama sign it? For the Obama administration, everything now is about electoral calculus. Those terminal wackos in the Republican presidential circus - with the honorable exception of Ron Paul - are peddling war on Iran the moment they're elected, and substantial swathes of the American electorate are clueless enough to buy it."
"The bottom line is that average Iranians will suffer - as average, crisis-hit, indebted Europeans will also suffer. The US economy will suffer. And whenever it feels the West is getting way too hysterical, Tehran will keep reserving the right to send oil prices skyrocketing.
The regime in Tehran will keep selling oil, will keep enriching uranium and, most of all, won't fall. Like a Hellfire missile hitting a Pashtun wedding party, these Western sanctions will miserably fail. But not without collecting a lot of collateral damage - in the West itself. "
http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Middle_East/NA07Ak01.html
Chaz (#10) should have hooked up with the woman in #4
Sometimes markets are horribly inefficient. Especially black ones.
That sounds racist.
LOL
Dr...
Is that Dr as in Vlad Tepest?
You people in the north don't mind black markets. You just don't want them doing better than the white ones. You people down south don't care how much money the black markets make you just don't want them on the same streets as you.
And you women who love to shop you go to the black market and get jungle fever and stop getting catalogs in the mail.
lol.
Lets make the real ( January)! Birds in { My Garden}!
OOps. Forex Live? Questionable. Jaime is a CLOWN
Hehehe. That is is funny. I just shit my pajamas
Chaz still is a girl.
http://archive.wbai.org/
guns and butter.
put options .....paul zurembka
9/11/2001 insider trading
Friday January 6 9:01am
59 min
News
THE HIDDEN HISTORY OF 9-11-2001: Prof. Paul Zarembka (SUNY Buffalo)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3916313558435245498#
.
http://archive.wbai.org/
first voices indigenous radio
Thursday January 5 9:01am
59 min
Public Affairs
Here's a classic. The sample size is huge:
U.S. Stocks Rise as S&P 500 Index Posts Its Second-Best Start Since 2006
How do you prevent the ads from obscuring the text?
Should be able to click on the body and it will open in it's own page. No? I know the images will open up in their own page. Click again on a WB7 masterpiece and you will end up in his Flickr page, then it's show time!!
@ "how do you .."
click on the text and i opens in the page. then return
to the original page.
but the new world order is where the ad is the text,
the social media is the socio-economic media and your
text and ads are specifically designed and delivered
to/for you to help you integrate your consumption habits
into the production engine of the greater milieu.
so, for example, if you search for air fare to iceland,
the next instant the ads pop up for deals at hotels in
iceland. if you use the same computer to search for
deals the prices ramp up. can that be true?
I like Dr. Paul Craig Roberts.
http://www.paulcraigroberts.org/
http://maxkeiser.com/2012/01/07/on-the-edge-with-paul-craig-roberts/
On the Edge with Paul Craig Roberts
Posted on January 7, 2012 by stacyherbert| 23 Comments
We interview Paul Craig Roberts; here’s his latest blog post at his new site: The Dismal Economic Outlook For The New Year
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