Friday Humor: 1-800-UGLY

Tyler Durden's picture


"This time it's different" and "Ugly is contained"

h/t Nick Colas

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Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:15 | 2818503 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

I BUY UGLY assets: 1-800-BERNANK

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:16 | 2818512 redpill
redpill's picture

I buy UGLY prostitutes: 1-800-555-4DSK


Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:23 | 2818532 BKbroiler
BKbroiler's picture

I buy clunkers - 1 - 800 - THE - BIG - O

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:27 | 2818552 PiratePawpaw
PiratePawpaw's picture

I buy barbarous relics. 867-5309

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:37 | 2818593 crusty curmudgeon
crusty curmudgeon's picture

Oh, man.  Now I've got that song stuck in my head.

“Most people can't think, most of the remainder won't think, the small fraction who do think mostly can't do it very well. The extremely tiny fraction who think regularly, accurately, creatively, and without self-delusion – in the long run, these are the only people who count.” Robert Heinlein

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:42 | 2818621 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Never thought it would come to this.. Ben working street corners..

and he could have been somebody,

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:06 | 2818713 Sofa King Confused
Sofa King Confused's picture

I Buy Mature Women.... 1-800-YOMILFS

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:11 | 2818736 eatthebanksters
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The Bernank only buys ugly from his budies at the TBTF banks....that way main street pays for the uglies and the banksters get to keep the 'babes'.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:20 | 2818751 cranky-old-geezer
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I give great deals on trade-ins, BR-549, ask for Junior Samples.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:30 | 2818828 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

I buy everything government says.... 1-800-DUMYANK

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:52 | 2818652 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

+1 just for knowing Heinlein.  Dirty old man, but a great conservative thinker.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 16:14 | 2819157 blunderdog
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Heinlein was pretty "gay friendly" for a conservative...he was big on State power, though.

Ever read his essays about how to protect us against the Soviet nuke menace?  He suggested forcibly migrating urban residents to disperse the population and make us more resistant to missile attack.

How would people be migrated?  The Marines would do door-to-door sweeps.  Heh.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:56 | 2818937 gmj
gmj's picture

That reminds me of this:

"I think there's only so many people that can take care of themselves, and can take care of other people. And the rest of the people … they're useful in terms of compost for the whole planet, you know."

Bill Murray,

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:42 | 2818881 MillionDollarBogus_
MillionDollarBogus_'s picture

I buy Vote Up's (green arrows).....

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 16:41 | 2819237 Anglo Hondo
Anglo Hondo's picture



Fri, 09/21/2012 - 17:59 | 2819406 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

MDB, I would love to be a fly on the wall of some bar where you're cocktailing with some numbnuts and winding them up...are you as good in person as you are on paper?

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 15:24 | 2819027 Canuckistan Al
Canuckistan Al's picture

Hey Jenny, Is it YOU, that I turn to? I see you are "STACKED"

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:27 | 2818553 hidingfromhelis
hidingfromhelis's picture

I buy politicians.  1 - 800 - WER - TBTF.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:39 | 2818603 FoxMulder
FoxMulder's picture

You didn't buy that. 1-800-SMBDY-LS

Sat, 09/22/2012 - 13:34 | 2820498 Caggge
Caggge's picture


Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:51 | 2818648 SmittyinLA
SmittyinLA's picture

Wasn't that a Bush program?

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:58 | 2818675 divide_by_zero
divide_by_zero's picture

Tempting, but July 2009

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:57 | 2818673 vast-dom
Fri, 09/21/2012 - 16:04 | 2819127 matrix2012
matrix2012's picture

The 21 facts about America's failing infrastructure listed by Michael Snyder are just unbelievable....

He further said:

So where did we go wrong?

Well, one of the big problems is that we have become a very materialistic society that is obsessed with short-term thinking.  Investing in infrastructure is something that has long-term benefits, but these days Americans tend to only be focused on what is happening right now and most politicians are only focused on the next election cycle.

Another major problem is that there is so much corruption and waste in our system these days. The government certainly spends more than enough money, but very little of that money is spent wisely.  A lot of the money that could be going toward rebuilding our infrastructure is being poured down the toilet instead.  For much more on this, please read my previous article entitled "16 Sickening Facts That Show How Members Of Congress And Federal Workers Are Living The High Life At Your Expense".

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 19:05 | 2819522 Umh
Umh's picture

Every year when the cities come up with budgets they ooh and ah about their new and improved wealth  destruction programs. They get the money by not fixing pipes, schools, roads, sidewalks, sewers, street signs, bridges... you know all the thinks that have to exist to make a place liveable. They then wonder why people move out of the cities.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:30 | 2818560 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

"The truth is that you ugly, not on the outside

But in the inside on the outside you frontin you lovely"

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:09 | 2818722 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Funny how they absolutely destroyed DSK's shit with one fell swoop. And then a few more surfaced to keep him in ignominy forevs. Gotta love dem elites.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 22:35 | 2819774 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

The satanic Jew-bankster destroyed himself. As will they all.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:45 | 2818579 tawdzilla
tawdzilla's picture

I Buy Ugly/Bearded Central Bankers   800-TBTFAIL or 888-giantsquid

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 21:34 | 2819723 buckethead
buckethead's picture

After This, (the first comment by slaughterer) no other posts were necessary. Just green.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:15 | 2818507 HedgeAccordingly
HedgeAccordingly's picture

Oh it is very different this time trust me -

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:26 | 2818538 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

From the title, I thought this was a Maxine Waters thang.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:24 | 2818544 max2205
max2205's picture

At the Bar, it's wise to GO UGLY EARLY

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:28 | 2818557 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

A fellow professor's compliment to his gf:  You don't sweat much for a fat girl.

I shit you not.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:44 | 2818612 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture


that was a line from Leave It To Beaver if my ancient brain is data retrieving correctly

though Answers attributes it to Hee Haw

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:51 | 2818650 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

I didn't say it was original, dog breath.  I just said he was crazy enough to use it.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:47 | 2818914 Agent P
Agent P's picture

It was Hee Haw (Junior and Lulu).

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:01 | 2818687 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

If you go ugly early, you'd better leave with some meat because otherwise, you'll have substantially reduced your value to the rest of the pack (who are watching to see if you'll hit on anything that moves).  I think it's a play it by ear sort of thing...  whatever the situation demands...  if there is a modeling convention going on, then might want to wait til last call to go find one that'll be guarding a bridge the next day.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:44 | 2818895 hidingfromhelis
hidingfromhelis's picture

A "two" at ten is a "ten" at two.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:51 | 2818922 Agent P
Agent P's picture

All the girls are pretty at the end of the night.  But just remember what Jeff Daniels says in his song, "You can drink an ugly girl pretty, but you can't drink a fat girl thin."

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 16:17 | 2819163 matrix2012
matrix2012's picture


@ HedgeAccordingly

The Mediterranean sluts are much more desirable than the one posted in your above link!!

Check them here :-)> LoL


Fri, 09/21/2012 - 16:46 | 2819257 Ima anal sphincter
Ima anal sphincter's picture

Well.....THAT brightened my day.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:16 | 2818508 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Ugly is as Ugly does....

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:20 | 2818509 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

I think you mean 1-806-ugly. [ F-UGLY]

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:16 | 2818510 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

I wonder if he pays for ugly houses in beautiful Gold?

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:45 | 2818902 AGuy
AGuy's picture

Sure! Gold plated tungsten.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:20 | 2818511 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

So has Minnesota become the latest capital of "UGLY"?

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:49 | 2818641 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

Yes.  I've seen similar billboards on I35, though they're not done with a Sharpie.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:53 | 2818656 Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

This group has been in operation in Minneapolis and Milwaukee for some time now (since before the last bubble).  I guess it is possible it is multiple groups, but the seems an unlikely co-incidence.

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