Friday Humor: 1-800-UGLY

Tyler Durden's picture

"This time it's different" and "Ugly is contained"

h/t Nick Colas

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slaughterer's picture

I BUY UGLY assets: 1-800-BERNANK

redpill's picture

I buy UGLY prostitutes: 1-800-555-4DSK


BKbroiler's picture

I buy clunkers - 1 - 800 - THE - BIG - O

PiratePawpaw's picture

I buy barbarous relics. 867-5309

crusty curmudgeon's picture

Oh, man.  Now I've got that song stuck in my head.

“Most people can't think, most of the remainder won't think, the small fraction who do think mostly can't do it very well. The extremely tiny fraction who think regularly, accurately, creatively, and without self-delusion – in the long run, these are the only people who count.” Robert Heinlein

Manthong's picture

Never thought it would come to this.. Ben working street corners..

and he could have been somebody,

Sofa King Confused's picture

I Buy Mature Women.... 1-800-YOMILFS

eatthebanksters's picture

The Bernank only buys ugly from his budies at the TBTF banks....that way main street pays for the uglies and the banksters get to keep the 'babes'.

cranky-old-geezer's picture



I give great deals on trade-ins, BR-549, ask for Junior Samples.

Anusocracy's picture

I buy everything government says.... 1-800-DUMYANK

DCFusor's picture

+1 just for knowing Heinlein.  Dirty old man, but a great conservative thinker.

blunderdog's picture

Heinlein was pretty "gay friendly" for a conservative...he was big on State power, though.

Ever read his essays about how to protect us against the Soviet nuke menace?  He suggested forcibly migrating urban residents to disperse the population and make us more resistant to missile attack.

How would people be migrated?  The Marines would do door-to-door sweeps.  Heh.

gmj's picture

That reminds me of this:

"I think there's only so many people that can take care of themselves, and can take care of other people. And the rest of the people … they're useful in terms of compost for the whole planet, you know."

Bill Murray,

MillionDollarBogus_'s picture

I buy Vote Up's (green arrows).....

eatthebanksters's picture

MDB, I would love to be a fly on the wall of some bar where you're cocktailing with some numbnuts and winding them up...are you as good in person as you are on paper?

Canuckistan Al's picture

Hey Jenny, Is it YOU, that I turn to? I see you are "STACKED"

hidingfromhelis's picture

I buy politicians.  1 - 800 - WER - TBTF.

SmittyinLA's picture

Wasn't that a Bush program?

matrix2012's picture

The 21 facts about America's failing infrastructure listed by Michael Snyder are just unbelievable....

He further said:

So where did we go wrong?

Well, one of the big problems is that we have become a very materialistic society that is obsessed with short-term thinking.  Investing in infrastructure is something that has long-term benefits, but these days Americans tend to only be focused on what is happening right now and most politicians are only focused on the next election cycle.

Another major problem is that there is so much corruption and waste in our system these days. The government certainly spends more than enough money, but very little of that money is spent wisely.  A lot of the money that could be going toward rebuilding our infrastructure is being poured down the toilet instead.  For much more on this, please read my previous article entitled "16 Sickening Facts That Show How Members Of Congress And Federal Workers Are Living The High Life At Your Expense".

Umh's picture

Every year when the cities come up with budgets they ooh and ah about their new and improved wealth  destruction programs. They get the money by not fixing pipes, schools, roads, sidewalks, sewers, street signs, bridges... you know all the thinks that have to exist to make a place liveable. They then wonder why people move out of the cities.

Unprepared's picture

"The truth is that you ugly, not on the outside

But in the inside on the outside you frontin you lovely"

Skateboarder's picture

Funny how they absolutely destroyed DSK's shit with one fell swoop. And then a few more surfaced to keep him in ignominy forevs. Gotta love dem elites.

CompassionateFascist's picture

The satanic Jew-bankster destroyed himself. As will they all.

tawdzilla's picture

I Buy Ugly/Bearded Central Bankers   800-TBTFAIL or 888-giantsquid

buckethead's picture

After This, (the first comment by slaughterer) no other posts were necessary. Just green.

HedgeAccordingly's picture

Oh it is very different this time trust me -

kaiserhoff's picture

From the title, I thought this was a Maxine Waters thang.

max2205's picture

At the Bar, it's wise to GO UGLY EARLY

kaiserhoff's picture

A fellow professor's compliment to his gf:  You don't sweat much for a fat girl.

I shit you not.

lasvegaspersona's picture


that was a line from Leave It To Beaver if my ancient brain is data retrieving correctly

though Answers attributes it to Hee Haw

kaiserhoff's picture

I didn't say it was original, dog breath.  I just said he was crazy enough to use it.

Agent P's picture

It was Hee Haw (Junior and Lulu).

MachoMan's picture

If you go ugly early, you'd better leave with some meat because otherwise, you'll have substantially reduced your value to the rest of the pack (who are watching to see if you'll hit on anything that moves).  I think it's a play it by ear sort of thing...  whatever the situation demands...  if there is a modeling convention going on, then might want to wait til last call to go find one that'll be guarding a bridge the next day.

hidingfromhelis's picture

A "two" at ten is a "ten" at two.

Agent P's picture

All the girls are pretty at the end of the night.  But just remember what Jeff Daniels says in his song, "You can drink an ugly girl pretty, but you can't drink a fat girl thin."

matrix2012's picture


@ HedgeAccordingly

The Mediterranean sluts are much more desirable than the one posted in your above link!!

Check them here :-)> LoL


Ima anal sphincter's picture

Well.....THAT brightened my day.

Flakmeister's picture

Ugly is as Ugly does....

Yen Cross's picture

I think you mean 1-806-ugly. [ F-UGLY]

Long-John-Silver's picture

I wonder if he pays for ugly houses in beautiful Gold?

AGuy's picture

Sure! Gold plated tungsten.

francis_sawyer's picture

So has Minnesota become the latest capital of "UGLY"?

Intoxicologist's picture

Yes.  I've seen similar billboards on I35, though they're not done with a Sharpie.

Argonaught's picture

This group has been in operation in Minneapolis and Milwaukee for some time now (since before the last bubble).  I guess it is possible it is multiple groups, but the seems an unlikely co-incidence.