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Friday Humor And Headline Of The Week

Tyler Durden's picture




 

And for today's piece of non-fiction uber-humor we have....

  • U.S. COUNTER-SUES BUFFET'S NETJETS OVER UNPAID TAX LIABILITIES

Perhaps the GOP can offer to match Buffett $2 for every $1 in tax that NetJets is found to have not paid. One wonders: did NetJets pay less tax than Buffett's secretary?

And here is how one "builds" equity value:

  • FEDERAL GOVERNMENT COUNTERCLAIMS FOR MORE THAN $302 MILLION

Why by not allowing cash to leave the family of course. Luckily endless hypocrisy is free.

 

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Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:00 | 2240269 spiral_eyes
spiral_eyes's picture

Warren needs 

YOU

to pay more taxes.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:02 | 2240279 taniquetil
taniquetil's picture

Is this Elizabeth Warren or Warren Buffet?

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:03 | 2240285 spiral_eyes
spiral_eyes's picture

komrad warren and komrad warren.

two heads of the same dragon.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:12 | 2240326 redpill
redpill's picture

Buffet has CROSSED THE LINE, do you hear me?  This weekend's delivery will be the LAST TIME I use Netjets to fly in my Ukranian hookers and blow.

Waiter, another bottle of Brignac please, and this time let ME open it with a sword asshole!  Who pays the bills around here anyway, huh?  I make SIX FIGURES, garçon!

/AlexHope

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:13 | 2240335 brewing
brewing's picture

tax hypocrisy...

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:28 | 2240388 tickhound
tickhound's picture

If the lawsuit doesn't pan, US Co could take that perfectly legal route of wacking him out and seizing assets.

I'm not trying to make any kind of prediction or anything...

Sat, 03/10/2012 - 11:29 | 2243032 neidermeyer
neidermeyer's picture

Obama should "Ron Brown" Buffet on a netjet flight to Switzerland or The Caymens and then seize all his wealth ... he can return it in a year after the IRS takes their cut and the remainder is worth 5% of it's current value...

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 15:04 | 2240550 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

I wonder if Alex Hope(s) the bar tab is not real.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:11 | 2240331 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Good Cop Bad Cop by Anthony B should explain that question.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 16:34 | 2241113 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

you boys cracked me up  ;))

..nothing further to add

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:05 | 2240293 battle axe
battle axe's picture

FUCK Warren Buffett, another guy who everyone thinks is so great (except those on ZH) but he makes a fortune and after he makes it he thinks that everyone should have a tax hike. Also this douche bag disowned his own granddaughter, what a class act. 

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:06 | 2240297 spiral_eyes
spiral_eyes's picture

Hahaha. He's not making a fortune anymore.

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/guest-post-warren-buffett-priced-gold

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:21 | 2240367 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

"I have absolutely no idea where the tax money is"

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:42 | 2240442 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

The money vaporized on the way to the IRS.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 15:03 | 2240541 mkhs
mkhs's picture

Timmy helped me fill out the forms.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:00 | 2240272 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Becky....are you there Becky? I need a bath. Will you be a good little girl and wash my back? I'm feeling a little stressed.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:15 | 2240344 ZippyBananaPants
ZippyBananaPants's picture

Im sure she is spending some time on his raisin wrinkled ball sack too!

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:01 | 2240274 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Uncle Warren has someone on the payroll to address these issues.

 

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:09 | 2240318 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

I hope soon Uncle Warren hangs by his necktie from a lampost in Omaha.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:14 | 2240339 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

You are now on the Omaha no fly list.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:21 | 2240368 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

Yeah- so what's the downside?

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:27 | 2240383 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

I don't get groped by a fat man wearing a cheap tie.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:28 | 2240386 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Oh wait, you wrote, "downside"....

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 16:38 | 2241145 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

You are unable to LEAVE Omaha.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:16 | 2240346 WoodMizer
WoodMizer's picture

Big O is acting like Buffet has more than one finger up his ass.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:01 | 2240275 Zero_Sum
Zero_Sum's picture

Hypocrisy is my favorite color.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:02 | 2240280 spiral_eyes
spiral_eyes's picture

brown and frothy?

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:45 | 2240427 fuu
fuu's picture

What does santorum have to do with anything?

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:02 | 2240281 Rusty.Shackleford
Rusty.Shackleford's picture

That's rich..

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:02 | 2240283 Watts_D_Matter
Watts_D_Matter's picture

Hey Buffet...You are a fuckin douchebag!  Pay your taxes or put your stooges Becky Quick to work on the corner and pay Uncle Scam his money!

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:04 | 2240287 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Net-loss Jets

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:16 | 2240349 brewing
brewing's picture

he had nothing but good things to say about the new ceo of netsweats in the annual report...

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:06 | 2240291 resurger
resurger's picture

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-03-09/morgan-stanley-s-jennings-plead...

I bet you that the guy was a Jew..

Banksters can get a way with anything these days

"

Ammar, a native of Egypt, said that after the banker refused to pay, he backed out of the driveway of the $3.4 million home to seek a police officer. Ammar said he had tried to call 911 but was hampered by poor mobile reception in the wealthy Fairfield County suburb.

The banker called him an expletive and said, “I’m going to kill you. You should go back to your country,” according to the police report. A fight ensued as they drove through Darien, and Jennings allegedly cut Ammar, police said."

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:09 | 2240298 battle axe
battle axe's picture

I know people who know him, he is not a Jew. Lives in Darien Conn, there are no jews there.... I would put, sarc, but I really think there are like 3 Jewish families in the whole town. 

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:10 | 2240320 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Seems more like a white shoe W.A.S.P. than a Jew.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:35 | 2240409 SMG
SMG's picture

Most of the elite are Luciferian Illuminati affiliated somehow.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 15:03 | 2240538 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

"Jennings said he drank “two or three Coors Lights” at a charity event he hosted before the party"

PRETTY FANCY

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:05 | 2240294 alexwest
alexwest's picture

#: did NetJets pay less tax than Buffett's secretary

OVERALL or tax %rate ?

just kidding

alx

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:07 | 2240305 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Tax the rich, beeotch.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:13 | 2240334 WoodMizer
WoodMizer's picture

Eat the Rich

The other soylent green

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:07 | 2240306 Dagny Taggart
Dagny Taggart's picture

You only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out.

Warren Buffett in the 2001 letter to shareholders

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:08 | 2240312 Bob Sacamano
Bob Sacamano's picture

Buffet is a liberal hypocritical fraud who loves being BHO's poster child.  He SAYS he wants to pay more taxes, BUT he doesn't just write the check (lead by example) and he fights the IRS on muliple fronts about paying less in taxes.  He is a fraud.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:39 | 2240423 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Not to mention he put his wealth in a charitable remainder trust so it won't be taxed when he dies.

Sat, 03/10/2012 - 03:27 | 2242730 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Hmm, ya gotta understand:  The Govt would just spend it on stupid sh!t!

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:08 | 2240314 reutersanalyst
reutersanalyst's picture

http://capital3x.com/think-tank/performance-week-of-9-march-2012-getting-on-the-right-side-of-the-market/

 

C3X FX Portfolio once again continues its ascent as one of the best FX advisory

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:09 | 2240316 Civil Shepard
Civil Shepard's picture

More Friday humor.   Here is the text of an email sent to the ISDA  (cdsquestions@isda.org)....

"Thank you in advance for your continued position that "no credit event has occurred with respect to Greek sovereign bonds.     This official position of the ISDA helps in the fight of so many Americans citizens seeking not pay their mortgage and to fight reductions in credit scores due to not non-payment of debt.    The ISDA is absolutely correct that non-payment of debt is not a credit event.   Non-payment of debts is to be properly backstopped by the government and, if needed, the IMF.    As the official body concerning such matters, the ISDA position that non-payment debt is not a credit event is extremely helpful for all.   Thank you."

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:10 | 2240321 jjsilver
jjsilver's picture

CORPORATIONS pay no taxes, they just pass on the cost to the slaves who believe paying their income taxes is mandatory.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 16:55 | 2241246 mendolover
mendolover's picture

Which it is not.  It depends on what your definition of 'income' is. 

http://www.losthorizons.com/

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:10 | 2240327 riphowardkatz
riphowardkatz's picture

in not so funny news b of a giving 100000 write downs to under water mortgage holders with stipulation you are at least 60 days late

Sat, 03/10/2012 - 11:42 | 2243047 neidermeyer
neidermeyer's picture

The real tragedy of that is that they are all CW "mortgages" that are invalid/void anyway ... They'll get the "borrowers" to sign fresh valid docs and have them on the hook when they are already in a better position legally. In my neighborhood a $100k haircut just makes you less underwater but you're still major league screwed with valuations continuing to fall due to the MBS fraud the government is continuing o support. 

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:10 | 2240328 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

When are some heads going to roll?

That's what I want to know.

When are some fucking heads going to roll?

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:11 | 2240329 kito
Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:29 | 2240392 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

If I was the judge hearing that case, I would order summary execution by firing squad for the entire legal team and all the MF Global executives seeking their bonuses.  And I would allow them all a Slim Jim and a Butterfinger as a last meal.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:33 | 2240342 AN0NYM0US
AN0NYM0US's picture

The newsletter for NetJets Owners and Marquis Jet Card Owners spring 2012  (PDF)

 

Page 10 from the above PDF

 

IRS “ticket tax” litigation
While the new legislation clarifies the taxes that NetJets Owners will be
assessed going forward, there is pending litigation which addresses the period
prior to the enactment of the law.
As you may have read, NetJets is suing the Internal Revenue Service for $643
million, arguing that the government wrongly attempted to collect a “ticket tax”
meant for commercial passengers only. As this is a pending legal issue, we
cannot comment in great detail, but we wa

 

 

_____________

 

also

 

HOSPITALITY AT THE masters
OWNER EXCLUSIVES
Date: T hursday-Sunday, April 5-8, 2012
Location: A ugusta, Georgia
If you are planning to attend the 2012 Masters Golf Tournament, please join
us at the NetJets Hospitality House in Augusta. Our Hospitality House is a place
to relax, cool down, eat, drink, and enjoy the incredible golf festivities during
the Tournament week at The Masters.
Our daily hospitality includes breakfast, lunch, and cocktails. We will also provide
valet parking and storage for your cell phone before you head out to the course.
On Friday, April 6, please join NetJets; the voice of The Masters, Jim Nantz;
and a selection of our NetJets PGA professionals for a special dinner in a
private home ten minutes from the course.

________________________

I wonder what kind of entertainment they might be offering

 

___

 

"If you have four legs and a bushy tail, you’re welcome onboard"

 

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:17 | 2240352 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Does a camel's dick really have two heads ?    Monedas   2012   One hump = one headed dick ?  Two humps = two headed, twin ported dick ?  Sounds like a challenge for PETA and the camel condom makers and Barney Frank !

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:24 | 2240370 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Who's that handsome gentleman with the well trimmed beard and eye patch ?  That's Monedas 2012   He's the one who tried to link Tyler and Turd romantically !

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:25 | 2240379 TMT
TMT's picture

I'm so sick of this fucking guy being trotted out there.  This limp dick playing the old nice man card is getting old.  I wish one of the talking head pussies would ask him - "Soft serve, can you please quantify your ROI by making nice with the Kenyan Clown?"

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:32 | 2240399 unununium
unununium's picture

Buffet does not get it.  He is always compaing gold to his investments.

He should be comparing gold to his cash.

 

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:48 | 2240464 Peter K
Peter K's picture

Here's a better one. It's 19:45 CET and the ISDA DC still hasn't issued a decision. Got to wonder what who organized the entertainment:)

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:53 | 2240491 PubliusTacitus
PubliusTacitus's picture
Screw you Warren Buffoon. Let’s see how long this spat lasts before Barry invites them for a beer.
Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:58 | 2240515 ultraticum
ultraticum's picture

Something is broken with that ad placement algorithm . . . (see banner ad to left of this article).  Or is the a-hole of Omaha following me all the way to ZH?

 

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 14:59 | 2240520 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

"Luckily, endless hypocrisy is free."

Kinda like junk mail, it just keeps showin' up.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 15:10 | 2240580 spekulatn
spekulatn's picture

Suck it.....up  Netjets.

 

Thanks, CMungr

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 15:19 | 2240611 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

 

 

Ask not what your country can do for you,

Ask what you can do for your country

- JFK, Jan 1961

 

Ask not Buffet to pay his taxes,

Ask what YOU can do to pick up the slack

- Obama's 2012 version

 

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 15:22 | 2240632 Below Zero
Below Zero's picture

"I was so wrong about the real estate market.......but now is a great time to buy. You peons need to get out there and leverage up with those "cheap" mortgage rates and bail me out. Do I sound like Greenspan suggesting everyone participate in home buying with a subprime liar loan with a floating interest rate at the all-time peak in housing prices?"

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 15:23 | 2240640 rqb1
rqb1's picture

obama can pick um.  i thought his advisor emelt's ge not paying any taxes was a black eye.

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 15:48 | 2240760 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Leeb - Warren Buffett Desperate & Policymakers Scared to Death

"Stephen Leeb told King World News what the Fed is doing right now is unethical.  Leeb also said Warren Buffett is desperate and policymakers are scared to death."

http://kingworldnews.com/kingworldnews/KWN_DailyWeb/Entries/2012/3/9_Lee...

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 16:25 | 2241062 alfred b.
alfred b.'s picture

 

   NOW Warren's really Sec.-treasurer material!

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 16:44 | 2241188 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Suck on it Warren

Fri, 03/09/2012 - 22:33 | 2242229 Bunga Bunga
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