Friday Humor: Eurogroup Meeting Preview Redux

Tyler Durden's picture

Moments ago the following headline flashed across the Bloomberg terminal:

  • Sentiment Improves Ahead of Weekend Eurogroup Meeting

All one can do here is laugh - we can discuss how this is simply the latest idiotic case of perpetual deja vu, where a broke continent sits down, orders catering service, only to realizes it is broker than before, but not before scheduling its next meeting, while Jean-Claude Juncker utters some more lies... or we can simply once again present David Einhorn's brilliant summation of the sequence of motions that the USS Troikatanic goes through every single time as it achieves absolutely nothing.

Source: Greenlight Capital

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nobusiness's picture

Do we even get an "announced solution" monday?  The market seems to think so.

Dr. Engali's picture

It's the retarded shorts getting out before the weekend. They keep taking it up the rear by the Bernank who makes it hard to make money long or short. I don't know why they think they can jump on ever down tick. When the collapse comes hardly anybody will be short and if they are it won't matter...their proceeds will be vaporized.

Divided States of America's picture

Everyone is expecting something big to come out this weekend....but volume is lacklustre...if nothing but posturing continues...they will take this market down big next week.

Greater Fool's picture

So it's very nice of them to provide some strength to sell into on Friday.....

knukles's picture

Didn't they have this meeting already?

withnmeans's picture

That is how they think they are going to get out of this mess, Governments and Bankers are playing both sides of this thing trying to ring out as much as they can from the sheeple. They play it long, change real quick to short, then they let the bad news hit. They get back in when they want the bottom to stop "with some hopium". Take the escalator back up "rinse and repeat". The sheeple will either get tired of the ride or be drained of their funds "which ever happens first".

They will get every PENNY!

Zero Govt's picture

if the bankers are sooooo smart how'd they go bankrupt?

if bankers are so smart how come they can't get themselves out without taxpayer assists??

No Ladies & Germs, we're dealing with a generation of truly fuking dumb-arsed bankers who, like politicians, make it up on the hoof stumbling like drunks from one mess to another

don't go to some auto-pilot Grand Master Plan... never rule out 'stupid' wouldn't believe just how dumb the elite really are

financial apocalyptic contagion's picture

I'm sick and tired of seeing the same chart agn n agn

we get it they dont do jack shit. This is a financial blog but with this being friday and all, atleast come up with some different infographic/picture to accompany the post

nothing's gonna happen till after the Greek elections only the same posturing and bullshit we are all used to

RiverRoad's picture

Love that graphic depiction of the insanity here.  Looks like the end of The Tale of Little Black Sambo with all of the tigers chasing each other around in a circle, melting into butter...

ebworthen's picture

CNBC:  "Last week was the worst week of the year for the markets, this week looks like it will be the best week of the year for the markets."

It's called volatility, and it isn't a green shoot or a mustard seed.

surf0766's picture

B-cups green shootssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

RiverRoad's picture

And you know what comes after a lot of volatility......right?

monopoly's picture

I had to read this twice. Zero Hedge will have fun with this. Does not mention what debt there is that evaporates is from the bankrupt banks and citizens.

REX NUTTING Archives | Email alerts

June 8, 2012, 12:01 a.m. EDT

U.S. debt load falling at fastest pace since 1950s Commentary: Despite surge in federal deficit, America is deleveraging

nobusiness's picture

even Facebook is up.  Maybe the solution will be announced via Jean-Claude Juncker's Facebook page

I am more equal than others's picture

Should read Sediment Accrues Ahead of Weekend Eurogroup Meeting - the kind that accumulates in sewerage treatment plants.

Boilermaker's picture

What's funny about it?

It's enough to ass ram the SPX at least 10 handles higher.  I don't really find blantant fraud the funny, actually.

nobusiness's picture

Agree.  It is bad enough that only Iceland had the guts to do the right thing, but it is even worse that the stock maket keeps rewarding these idoits for kicking the can and causing more eventual harm for the next generation.

Greater Fool's picture

FYI, you might take a gander at the gigantic housing bubble that Iceland "doing the right thing" has blown in their country right now.

Rongen's picture

What the hell does that even mean, Bloomberg?

Umh's picture

It's a type of flowering lettuce.

RacerX's picture

wake me when the rocks & molotov cocktails start flying. THEN it will start being funny.

Vincent Vega's picture

Other Europe related headlines on Bloomie:

-Papandreou sees Greece staying in Euro

-Spain bailout request awaited by EU as weekend talks planned

-US stocks rise amid Spanish aid speculation

blather, rinse repeat

alien-IQ's picture

To say that the system is completely FUBAR would be the understatement of the millennium.

EL INDIO's picture

Another Satanists sign ?

Commercials reduced their long Silver position by…

You guessed it 666 contracts!

Village Smithy's picture

This is truly one of the funniest Friday humours in a long time. Thanks, I will be long Beluga and Dom over the weekend but nothing else.

blueskies123's picture

WTF is the market shooting up like there is nothing wrong in the Eurozone and the US?

Someone is printing money/pumping an infusion into the stock markets to stop them from declining.

There was no reason for the markets to shoot up at the end.


ZH blogposts have been super light on explaining this latest market meltup today.

What gives?

Conman's picture

The hell you say, its not normal for a rational investor to chase the market up when there is no catalyst? Blasphemy! Quiet or you will be ex-communicated.

BlandJoe24's picture

i shared your frustration at the market not making sense - but it does to someone (else, at least today).

i also agree about ZH postings in general (acknowledging this particular thread is supposed to be humor themed).  I enjoy some of the goofyness, but it has seemed that lately there's lots more fluffy "aren't i funny" comment stuffing, particularly at the top. 

It's getting to be a chore to dig through and find the meat and potatoes, and that sucks.  I'm guessing it's partly battle fatigue on the part of long-time posters, just trying to get a giggle and blow off steam.  But it has gotten a bit crowded with b.s. comments.  (like mine ;-)

Maybe there should be a separate section ("the Tavern"?) where posters can just goof around and keep the main forum more focused.

Ned Zeppelin's picture

Listen, my best explanation/conclusion is that this is the market of the machines. Once you figure that this is all the battling algos, it makes perfect sense, since bounding up and down on the basis of these non-news headlines is crazy. However, you also have to lump in the market down days too in the same category, and then figure it is time to stop watching the ups and downs of the S&P to figure out what is going on. It is broken, and indicates nothing.   Mere quantum jitters playing out on the surface of an immense (and disrupted) bond and an even larger FX market.

blueskies123's picture

So they (whoever they is) allowed the markets to drop last week but dropping isn't allowed on a Friday after the annointed one orders that Greece can't leave the Eurozone?

It seems like they ran the market back up this week to do a full out shortfry (that's shorts getting sliced/diced and then fried).

And yes, ZH has been heavy on doom and gloom the eurozone is coming apart but nothing on the PPT folks that obviously had a hand in taking down futures, sucking in shorts and then spitting them out, stepping on them and grinding them into the ground for thinking for one minute that the Eurozone was falling apart bigtime and the US economy is also a mess and just a few paces behind Europe.

The grand finale was the last pop up of the NASDAQ going over 1% before retreating to + .97% .

It makes absolutely no sense at all other than it's all a show, the market meltup is nothing more than putting on lipstick on a big pig to dress up the pig.

BlandJoe24's picture

uh, in other words... you lost today?

me too

AetosAeros's picture

The problem you're having is pretty simple.


You expected the unexpected in a game where they (TPTB/PPT/S&P/ETC), like yourself, have learned how to provide both the expected, the unexpected, the expected unexpected, and the unexpected expected at an unexpected time.  Don't worry, it's been adjusted into their algorithms for maximum return. Only thing is, and here's the friday joke, on you, they expect you'll lose and they'll win, because they set the rules, they run the machines, they know what the big PLAN is, and you, well your sitting in front of a machine wasting your time that you could be using to prepare yourself for the final Progrom to run, and your using what income you have to lesson your ability to be prepared, while they know that their paper is worthless, since they print it, and they are just using it to confuse you when they give you 1/10th the price of something that they need to keep you from being better prepared and you turn around and expect to generate more playing their 3 card Monte.


It's the nature of the beast, world, current trend, historical presedence, etc. And I don't like it any more than you fellas.

One thing I would say to expect, without reservation, is that it all will fail, at some point. As long as you, and others continue to support the game by paying to play, it will continue to play out. But on a long enough timeline......

nobusiness's picture

I went short today.  Sorry, I should have warned you.

ootofthehoos's picture

Gold shot up too. Everybody likes the expected printing announcement.

Broccoli's picture

Ned Zeppelin is right, but you also must consider that the few human players left in the market only care about one thing. When and how big is the next orifice expulsion from the central banks going to be?

tom a taxpayer's picture

Correction: Sentimental Illusion Improves Ahead of Weakend Eurogrope Meeting

Sunny days are here:


Gabriel420jr.'s picture

Yo, im new here but why doesn't ZH go for individual gold producer/silver producer stock analytics, am i missing something here or are they just leaving it to self to do the research? I don't mind reading balance sheets and probable + inferred minerals but it would be nice for ZH to have AT LEAST weekly pieces on prospective silver/gold producers in your portfolio. we all know silver/gold producers have been underproformers but that can't last forever. yes that is what the japanese were saying with their real estate market but i truly belive once the main stream picks up on PM's they will not go for physical but stocks. and when that day comes HALLELUJAH!!Q!!!!!!! I'm personally thinking ELDORADO : NYSE: EGO WHAT TEH FUCK DO YALL THINK?!?!?!?!

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