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Friday Humor: The iPhone X+1

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Kimmel 1 - the Borg 0

But wait... there's more. From Google Trends:

iPhone 5:

iPhone 6:

iPhone 7:

... and so on.

 

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Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:00 | 2795609 mtomato2
mtomato2's picture

Long EMP proof stuff.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:12 | 2795664 Precious
Precious's picture

NASDAAPL is pointing the way to the future of the intersnoop !

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:18 | 2795700 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Kinda like the market trends for the next QE....QE4, QE5, QE6.......definitely pure sheep trending.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:21 | 2795730 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:23 | 2795737 redpill
redpill's picture

More importantly, we now know that Kate Middleton really needs a boob job.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:26 | 2795762 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Me, Im Waiting For My Personal APPLE I-Drone...

Gives new meaning to the Phrase "Point & Shoot" ...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:59 | 2796395 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

If you own an APPLE you ARE the I-DRONE!

ori

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:48 | 2795882 knukles
knukles's picture

More importantly, we now know that Kate Middleton really needs to give the Knukieman a blow job.  Her tits are just fine.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:57 | 2795937 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Anything more than a cubic mouthful is wasted.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:41 | 2795965 redpill
redpill's picture

Not if you're a coinnoisseur of excess

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 16:17 | 2796829 knukles
knukles's picture

Or have a monster schlong.
Open wide, Katie!

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:18 | 2795706 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Man, Hulk Hogan looks like shit now.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:22 | 2795725 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Yeah thats what Roids do to your body....looks/feels good short term....but longer term, your body is fucked....kinda like what Ben Bernanke's QE is doing to the economy.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:47 | 2795865 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

+5 well played!

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:20 | 2795715 Manthong
Manthong's picture

"Long EMP proof stuff."

Just hope Obama was quick enough to have the Internet and phone system shut down and disconnected  when the sky turns white.  : )

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 19:48 | 2797521 Daily Bail
Daily Bail's picture

Ben Bernanke As A Child

Damn funny shit.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:34 | 2796610 Seer
Seer's picture

I think that FedAPPL is most appropriate given the top two elements influencing the "economy" these days.  And, really, watching that segment it's clear that people are being "fed" a bunch of iCrap...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 23:17 | 2797951 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

With a little effort, a steel trash can makes a nice Faraday cage.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:02 | 2795619 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

SHEEEEEEEEEEPLE

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:28 | 2795731 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

dow is taking a QE dump...until 3ish.....nasd and sp holding steady....let's crash this and the R2k asap. even qe can't prop up the credited out spend out apple iPn5 consumer....

i've witnessed firsthand people buying new iPads not because the previous version was in anyway lacking but because they just had to have the newer one = fucktard with apple tattoos branded idiocy on the brain and the skin.

 

LOOKS LIKE POSSIBLE CRASH DAY AFTER QE -- DOW CAN'T SUSTAIN ALL THAT HOPIUM SHIT HOT AIR

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:23 | 2795734 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

In order to vote, one should have proof of, at least, a room temperature IQ.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:26 | 2795763 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

actually it's quite the opposite = to vote you have just proved you are sub room temp.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:32 | 2796591 dark_matter
dark_matter's picture

Celsius.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:02 | 2795622 youngman
youngman's picture

I have said it all along..its a Religion....not a product

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:08 | 2795653 MillionDollarBogus_
MillionDollarBogus_'s picture

Who cares what it is, really.

I sold some AAPL yesterday, after the bump up, and made some $$$$.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:14 | 2795681 mtomato2
mtomato2's picture

Yay.

I give up.

You're great.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:22 | 2795733 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

Are you still dollar cost averaging FB shares?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:38 | 2795816 Matt
Matt's picture

That would be MillionDollarBonus_ with the Facebook shares. As opposed to Bogus, who you are replying to.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:53 | 2795898 knukles
knukles's picture

Hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Nice.....

Twist his scrotum till it pops!
 

 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 17:05 | 2797006 smiler03
smiler03's picture

Yep, Long John Silver shows that a very subtle change to the product name has failed to perceive an actual difference.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:13 | 2795672 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

but will it make you 'Clear'?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:03 | 2795629 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

I am particulalrly amused by the "it's lighter" comments. Earlier in the week, upon it's release, I commented on ZH that the reduction in weight took it from 4.8 oz to about 3.9 oz........you can really feel that weight savings.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:18 | 2795699 goldm3mb3r
goldm3mb3r's picture

Don'y worry about the weight - look at the new bigger screen.

http://iphone5release.me/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/New-iPhone-5-Concept...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:25 | 2795753 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

My 3.9 oz of gld (felt) like 4.8 oz of gold when I jiggled them around this past week...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:56 | 2795928 knukles
knukles's picture

My old 2 pound iScrotum sack felt like a new 7 pound iScrotum sack when Mrs K jiggled it this morning.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:04 | 2795630 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

And the shallow end of gene pool rears its ugly head...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:38 | 2796635 Seer
Seer's picture

A perfect match for TPTB!

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:04 | 2795631 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

no comment

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:05 | 2795632 transaccountin
transaccountin's picture

this video is the definition of our economy.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:14 | 2795684 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Yes, it is.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:59 | 2795942 knukles
knukles's picture

Krugman: QE is not bigger enuf but if Yapple cam out with a new iphone for the iAlien invasion every week we'd all be iHappier than a iMoron in a iPlie of iSheepdung.

iYi iYi iYi

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:05 | 2795636 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Proof, once again, that we as a country are totally doomed.

 

Buy silver.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:05 | 2795638 Dr Paul Krugman
Dr Paul Krugman's picture

Aapl is zeroing in on $700/share!

Good thing my portfolio has aapl, which pays a div now, instead of some losing gold miner!

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:10 | 2795658 MillionDollarBogus_
MillionDollarBogus_'s picture

You will sell it soon and take a profit, right...???

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:30 | 2795778 Dr Paul Krugman
Dr Paul Krugman's picture

I am one of those old school buy and hold investors!

So no, and now that it has a dividend I will sit back, relax, and enjoy owning the world's greatest, I mean biggest, company, while I get paid to do so!

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:02 | 2795968 knukles
knukles's picture

Hey....

Do you and Ron Insana really tweeze each other's backs?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:18 | 2795701 Squid Vicious
Squid Vicious's picture

don't sell yet, the guy from Topeka Capital just raised his price target to $1111.11

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:26 | 2795760 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

...on it's way to $6,666.66

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:46 | 2795871 Mary Wilbur
Mary Wilbur's picture

My gold miner pays a dividend.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:03 | 2795978 knukles
knukles's picture

Didju know that you can actually talk to somebody else on the new iPhone?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:21 | 2796128 catacl1sm
catacl1sm's picture

why would you do that when all of those apps are handy?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:05 | 2795639 jimijon
jimijon's picture

The wonderful power of effective marketing, context and presentation.

Bravo Apple.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:05 | 2795642 BattlegroundEur...
BattlegroundEurope2011's picture

USA! USA!

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:06 | 2795643 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Bloody Sheep.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:07 | 2795650 unionbroker
unionbroker's picture

but you cant have it because they are sold out

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:10 | 2795659 LULZBank
LULZBank's picture

I posted that video yesterday. No "hat tip" to me?

Fuck this shit bro...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:15 | 2795688 Red Heeler
Red Heeler's picture

"I posted that video yesterday. No "hat tip" to me?

Fuck this shit bro..."

You have grounds for legal action under the "Theft of Mojo" doctrine.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:25 | 2795752 LULZBank
LULZBank's picture

Just tell me where to sign...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:27 | 2795765 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

There's no crying in baseball...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:47 | 2795878 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

There's a 24 hour statute of limitations so if he doesn't move quickly, he's out of luck.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:46 | 2796306 q99x2
q99x2's picture

If someone has grounds for a lawsuit then I posted that video yesterday too.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:08 | 2796452 LULZBank
LULZBank's picture

Wanna go 50-50? LOL

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:11 | 2795663 juwes
juwes's picture

This is like a republican/democrat debate on the street, where each side recites the talking points of their dear leader of the hour.  Based on your own biases, you will clearly see which party these phone experts resemble in their religiosity.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:12 | 2795666 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

iPhony

The Emperor's new phone....Kimmel nails it

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:12 | 2795670 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

America, fuck yeah.

I BLAME PUBLIC EDUCATION!

Partly.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:24 | 2795742 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I blame sea monkeys.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:29 | 2795773 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Certainly a contibuting factor. 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:19 | 2795671 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

We are so fucked. How pathetic are we as a nation when the one thing we have to look forward to the next generation of iPhone?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:42 | 2795847 Matt
Matt's picture

There are so many more things to look forward to each year. Super Bowl, Stanley Cup, World Series, Dancing with the Stars, Whatever the latest variety/talent show has to offer. If you maintain enough interests, you'll always have something to look forward to, right after the current thing ends.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:44 | 2796299 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Obviously you're not TIVO'ing Dancin' With the Stars.

So much mindless shit these days.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:13 | 2795677 kaa1016
kaa1016's picture

This is why AAPL is the greatest psy ops company to ever exist. DARPA should be jealous...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:54 | 2796718 Seer
Seer's picture

APPL and FB!  APPL is the conduit, FB the repository...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:14 | 2795678 Debeachesand Je...
Debeachesand Jerseyshores's picture

Fuck the iphone5,just buy Gold and Silver.Besides the iphone4s is a better deal.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 17:11 | 2797023 smiler03
smiler03's picture

I agree. How the hell did the world manage to function before the iphone4s was launched?

/s for the really stupid ones

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:14 | 2795679 Red Heeler
Red Heeler's picture

The masses are asses.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:15 | 2795690 Unbezahlbar
Unbezahlbar's picture

Can i can watch the iRiots on my iPhone while i Tweet ?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:45 | 2795860 Matt
Matt's picture

The riots in America will consist of a large number of people staring at their iScreens and drinking Starbucks, reading tweets about the riot they are participating in, while simultaneously standing in line for the next iProduct launch.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 17:13 | 2797036 smiler03
smiler03's picture

This is real.. "App offers safety in a riot" from April 2012

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-18601078

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:16 | 2795693 GlomarHabu
GlomarHabu's picture

<strong>

<strong>DUMB EXPLAINED and why Americans are so fooled

Essays and books have been written in recent years concerning what many educators and intellectuals believe has been a deliberate “dumbing down of America,” A study of average intelligence of Americans by state, we didn’t believe the problem was as severe as it is.

 

From IQ data taken from a book by university professors Richard Lynn and Tatu Vanhanen called “IQ and the Wealth of Nations” and a website that showed IQ data calculated from state SAT and ACT scores, there is an indication that 98 indeed, is the average level of intellect in the US.

 

Just to give you some concept of what this “average” IQ of 98 means in national thought patterns we have to explain that the vast majority of people In the United States test at this level. This gives them the capability of being general laborers for the rest of the world, but not much better. It also helps explain how people can be so beguiled by false television media reports and advertising claims.

People testing lower than an 80 IQ are regarded as “low average,” and those under 70 are considered retarded. People testing 110 to 130 are considered superior in intelligence. Above that is the genius category.

 

According to international IQ charts, the United States rates 18 behind other nations in average intellectual levels. At the top is Hong Kong at 107; South Korea, 106; Japan, 105; Taiwan and Singapore, 104; Austria, Germany, Italy and The Netherlands, 102; Sweden and Switzerland at 101; Belgium, China, New Zealand and the United Kingdom at 100; Hungary, Poland and Spain at 99.

 

According to the Mensa IQ group, these numbers are not bad, although they could be much better, especially in the United States where educational opportunities were once touted as among the best, and our universities excelled for years. Education in America took a beating, however, during the Bush years after Mr. Bush introduced his infamous “no child left behind” policy. It forced teachers to prepare students to pass federal tests rather than teach them anything. Thus the general IQ range of Americans may have slipped a few notches since 2004. It may be a few years before the full extent of the damage will be learned.

 

People in the IQ range of 90 to 110 are considered good learners and hands-on people well adapted for public service jobs. They make good secretaries, bank tellers, police officers, machinists and sales clerks. That just about describes the American people today. Where are the artists, the writers, the great mathematicians, inventors? We are not producing them anymore.

 

Remember that these numbers are “average,” which means that some are much lower, while others are higher. People at 70 to 80 IQ are thought of as slow, simple-minded individuals that need supervision just to function. Those at 120 and above are the creative ones, the leaders.

 

The bottom line to all of this is that Americans are falling behind. Either we are producing dumber people, or something has gone very wrong with our education system. The masses are turning out to be bungling idiots, content on their menial 9-5 job, their nightly ration of beer and Saturday afternoon football. They will raise the flag and go to war when the leaders tell them to, and they won’t question the order.

The big business interests have got people right where they want them. They have turned Americans into a nation of slaves, content to work for minimum wages with no benefits so the wealthy landowners get even richer.

Any real explaination needed on why we are largely a nation of sheeple?<strong>

 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:29 | 2795769 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Federal education policy is an abomination and it's bipartisan. Ted Kennedy was one of the primary supporters of NCLB. 

For profit McSchools funded by tax dollars is the goal.

"Public/private partnership" is just a euphamism for fascism.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:44 | 2795853 Cthonic
Cthonic's picture

Nothing like having the federal government tell local school districts how to spend their levies.  More than half the states have been granted waivers from NCLB requirements; perhaps the others should just ignore it as well... equal treatment under the law and all that.

Current states with waivers:

  • February 9, 2012 - Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, Oklahoma, and Tennessee
  • February 15, 2012 - New Mexico
  • May 29, 2012 - Connecticut, Delaware, Louisiana, Maryland, New York, North Carolina, Ohio and Rhode Island
  • June 29, 2012 - Arkansas, Missouri, South Dakota, Utah and Virginia
  • July 6, 2012 - Washington and Wisconsin
Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:17 | 2796093 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

A problem is that every time the Feds dangle a few million dollars in front of a State's nose, the educrats see another opportunity to increase their numbers and control. These few million dollars are jack to a state ed budget, and they never go to kids.

Sadly, the purpose of public education is to create incurious, compliant, fearful, conformist consumers so I guess it doesn't really matter much anyway.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:02 | 2796414 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

No... it is not a deliberate conspiracy...

It is the slow evolution of the the process of the children reflecting the adults running the show.... If over time, you populate schools with venal, shallow, educated(?) but ignorant adults, you can only produce similar results in the children... And as those children become the next generation.....anyway you get the drift...

My children went to a pretty weill regarded K-5, and I am appalled at the *corporate* influence that they saw...  Between bogus reward programs for reading that are almost MLM scams, educators swallowing the crackpot idea that iPads are wonder tools for education etc...

Once upon a time, a teacher was expected to devise a curriculum, nowadays most would be hard pressed to spell the word...

 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:19 | 2796506 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

>>>>>educators swallowing the crackpot idea that iPads are wonder tools for education etc...

In one sense they are. When you have a backpack that weighs 50lbs that you have to drag around, having those books on an IPad takes care of any back strain. Kids are not weight lifters

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:27 | 2796567 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

I was referring to K-5...

Not too many textbooks at that level if you catch my drift...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 16:06 | 2796774 Seer
Seer's picture

But... the REAL problem lies with the size don't you think?  Aren't they all tending to resemble the IRS tax code book?

Yeah, we don't want kids to actually be able to do physical work anyways...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 17:21 | 2797048 smiler03
smiler03's picture

Har Har you carnt eevun spel kurrycullum

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:59 | 2796664 psychobilly
psychobilly's picture

"No... it is not a deliberate conspiracy..."

Actually, it is precisely that.  It was deliberately based on the Prussian public education system, which itself was designed to produce, in the main, obediant, ignorant, non-thinking serfs on an industrial scale.  Mission accomplished.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:51 | 2796701 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

"The purpose of education is to change the thoughts, actions and and feelings of students." -Benjamin Bloom

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Bloom

It is intentional.  Resistors to their program are identified and they are conned.

An interview with Charlotte Iserbyt, author of The Deliberate Dumbing Down of America

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDyDtYy2I0M

http://www.deliberatedumbingdown.com/

 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 16:23 | 2796847 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

You might be on to somthing  given the Texas GOP's stance on critical thinking, not to mention intelligent design and the general repudiation of rational thought....

Hell, look what happened to you...

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 16:46 | 2796947 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Hey dummy. Speaking of critical thinking....

How's that theory of petroleum based on unicorn carcasses and dinosaur farts working out for you?

That's a long con isn't it? Because being the genius you are you would never discount ideas outside the programmed dogma.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 17:30 | 2797060 smiler03
smiler03's picture

Thanks for proving that retards are indeed alive and well at ZH. Abiotic oil and intelligent design are probably true. Clever guy.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 18:03 | 2797205 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Propmeister doesn't believe in abiotic oil so I guess that makes him cleverer than me....lol

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:56 | 2795922 PeterSchump
PeterSchump's picture

I knew it was Bush's fault.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:12 | 2796471 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

NCLB also has a provision for the school administration to provide personal info for military recruitment unless you opt out b4 the freshman year thru the school admn & JAMRS. Even if you opt out, there's a loophole if your personal info was ever published in a school directory. I opted my kid out & he hadn't been listed in the school directory since primary school. It was totally ignored.

Education, like everything else has been monetized. Schools get very little money per day of attendance for kids that excel. They get more federal money for the slow ones. Hence the money opportunities in charter schools. 

 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 16:08 | 2796788 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

You would have to have bought the American Exceptionalism myth hook, line, and sinker to work from the premise that Americans are not THE BEST. They aren't, never were, probably never will be. This country was not "built" by professors, intellectuals, scientists, artists, writers, academicians, etc., it was built by exactly the type of people you are deriding. IQs rose significantly in industrialized nations over the past century and there is no known cause, the best hypothesis, in my opinion, is that German-style public education develops certain components of g which contribute significantly to calculated IQ, and is socially transmissible in families with literate, educated parents. This process cannot continue indefinitely for many reasons.The average IQ remains within 1 decile of 100, i.e. +/-10 points. The average is still the average. There is nothing functionally deficient about people with IQs in this range, to put in bluntly, and if your expectations disagree, you have not appreciated the meaning of "average" and should adjust your expectations accordingly - downward.

IQ is not an all encompassing measure of anything, it is an indirect measurement of potential. There are at least hundreds of other factors which can account for the miserable intellectual calibre/sophistication of the average person in every industrialized nation.

That being said, I agree with your conclusion, but you seem to be surprised by it, as if expecting something more from "the masses". They are exactly where they want to be, which happens to be more or less exactly where their rulers want them to (want to) be - functionally illiterate and innumerate, ignorant on a grand scale - and callous about it, lacking inquisition and curiosity, etc. How you valorize this reality is contingent upon your beliefs and opinions about what a society should be like. Not everyone shares belief in the importance of education (of the meaningful sort), intelligence, the arts and humanities, etc., and economic reality does not typically favor the pursuit of such things.

My evidence that next to no-one is serious about the morons being churned out by the public school system is simply that people continue to send their own children into this system rather than home-school, or have family members home-school, or create school-agnostic curricula for their children - the material is free and open, most don't even take an active part in education at all; they are content to send their children into the arms of the nanny state for 7 or so hours a day despite the by now undeniable reality of public schooling outcomes.

If you are interested in this issue, read everything this man has written http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Taylor_Gatto and begin to learn the truth. It has also been explored by 20th century continental writers in relation to the grander scheme of modernism.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 17:24 | 2797057 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Wait - are those numbers seasonally adjusted and inflation indexed?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 18:02 | 2797204 Taint Boil
Taint Boil's picture

 

 

Either we are producing dumber people, or something has gone very wrong with our education system.

Cheap oil, modern medicine and technology have removed the natural selection part from nature (to a point) – there are a lot of very dumb people that would normally not be here. Education has nothing to do with IQ in my opinion. Take a quick trip down to your local Wal-Mart – now that is our future.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:19 | 2795702 Darkness
Darkness's picture

EXPLAIN THIS? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:19 | 2795711 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Topping pattern/ sell the fact?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:20 | 2795714 Diesel Seven
Diesel Seven's picture

Man, I have some new-and-improved derivative products/CDOs I could sell to people like that . . . heck, in a year you could probably pass your iPhone 3GS as the new iPhone 6. . .

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:20 | 2795718 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

So do we get a new iPhone every time we get a new round of QE or twist?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:31 | 2795780 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Why not just give Apple the money and drop iPhones from helicopters?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:29 | 2796573 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Umm... is it because the screens would be cracked and Ben, from his Ph.D days, knows about "The broken iPhone screen fallacy"....

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 16:08 | 2796784 Seer
Seer's picture

It's coming with the new merger of APPL and the Fed... "FedAPPL!"

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:22 | 2795729 Banksters
Banksters's picture

Fucking retards!

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:23 | 2795736 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

I love the rain more these daze...

The zombies aren't out as much as they need to keep their electronic gadgets dry and hidden.

Its one of the only times i see more eyes and faces, instead of the tops of heads...

 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:33 | 2795789 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Glad to see you made it out of the forest

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrIZnC8q7RQ

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:38 | 2795815 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"Rain" - The Beatles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQCwSqyaRo0

"If the rain comes
they run and hide their heads
They might as well be dead
If the rain comes
If the rain come"

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:04 | 2795997 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

+1

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:26 | 2796182 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Of course you like the rain more now as it is the new iRain 5 that is wetter, lighter and makes bigger puddles.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:23 | 2795739 Glass Steagall
Glass Steagall's picture

iTards

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:26 | 2795761 Broccoli
Broccoli's picture

Buying new things is a drug. My wife takes months to work herself up to a purchase, is super excited the day she buys it, and then wants to return it the next day when she comes down from the rush.

Since her purchase cycle is months long, she is a cheap significant other so I don't complain.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:58 | 2795921 Banksters
Banksters's picture

She is a whore. After your divorce, pay for sex. It'll cost less.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:27 | 2796562 dark_matter
dark_matter's picture

KEVIN: I don't pay for sex.

HOOKER: Oh, you think if you get some girlfriend, or maybe a wife, you ain't gonna pay? Oh, you'll pay. But you won't ever be sure you're gonna get it. Now with me, you pay, but you get it.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:35 | 2795793 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

iBarf.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:35 | 2795795 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Our embassy in Tunisia going up in flames according to CNBC.

Wonder if we had any Marines there to protect our people or if it was just some locals unlocking the gates and a bunch of pictures of Obama being burnt along with the flag.

Maybe the staffers were sending tweets for help using an iPhone 4S, or telling Siri to send the Marines and Siri putting in an order for 50 cans of Sardines.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:30 | 2796199 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Scared embassy staff:  Siri!  What do I do?  Do I run?  Do I hide?  SIIIRRRIII!!!!!!!

Siri:  You're fucked and I don't have legs.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:36 | 2795801 flacorps
flacorps's picture

Has anyone seen the iPhone 27 yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdGa0KA8EpM

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:38 | 2795803 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

My wife is "saving" for an iPad and I'm hoping she saves long enough she doesn't want it anymore. She could just go get one with the debit card, but she wants to pretend she is "saving" by taking $100 out of our petty cash every once in awhile and putting it in her nightstand. I've told her if she is going to bother buying something to get a laptop PC of the same price, because with all the shit she gets with the iPad it's going to cost her $1000 anyway and the thing doesn't even multitask. Yeah, I'll miss out on having a $700 remote control for my Apple TV or iMac, but I think I can live. As far as I try to get away from consumer society, my wife tries to drag us kicking and screaming back into it.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 18:07 | 2797112 smiler03
smiler03's picture

And do you ever spend money? Care to share what you buy?

A box of tools you never use?

A car that is far too big than it needs to be?

A fridge big enough for 12 people?

A gun you'll never use?

blah blah blah.

edit: And if she's trying to bankrupt you and you can't face that, then dump her. She'll probably replace you in an instant. Or is she ugly and you the most handsome man in town? Of course you'll never get married again and instead spend your "saved" money on prostitutes who are much cheaperin the long run. If you end up a single man, you'll probably die younger, single men do. She at least has the sense to save up rather than use a credit card.

Fucking whinging whining ungrateful bastard.

Note: My occasional Friday night alcohol has kicked in, aka Truth Serum.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 18:06 | 2797216 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

I just think iPads are stupid and you're a drunk moron.

I spend all my money on weed so I don't spend it on stupid shit like guns.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 18:22 | 2797252 smiler03
smiler03's picture

You think iPads are stupid? So do I, We agree on that. 

"I don't spend it on stupid shit like guns." Great, good for you, we agree on that too.

Me admitting to having a drink equals drunk? If you say so.

So she longs for an iPad. There are far far worse things to spend your/her money on. Handbags for $1000 and $800 on a pair of shoes are examples that come to mind that I think are absurd.

Please just appreciate your wife. She sounds perfectly fine to me. Have fun this weekend, both of you. Apologies if I offended you. I upvoted you.

 

 

Sat, 09/15/2012 - 11:55 | 2798584 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

I appreciate my wife and I appreciate you took the time to comment. No problems. ;)

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 18:16 | 2797244 Likstane
Likstane's picture

Why dont you take a break and try again in the morning you British bag of piss?

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 18:28 | 2797268 smiler03
smiler03's picture

OK you wise one, your logic is infallible.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:44 | 2795855 GlomarHabu
GlomarHabu's picture

<strong>DUMB EXPLAINED and why Americans are so fooled

Essays and books have been written in recent years concerning what many educators and intellectuals believe has been a deliberate “dumbing down of America,” A study of average intelligence of Americans by state, we didn’t believe the problem was as severe as it is.

 

From IQ data taken from a book by university professors Richard Lynn and Tatu Vanhanen called “IQ and the Wealth of Nations” and a website that showed IQ data calculated from state SAT and ACT scores, there is an indication that 98 indeed, is the average level of intellect in the US.

 

Just to give you some concept of what this “average” IQ of 98 means in national thought patterns we have to explain that the vast majority of people In the United States test at this level. This gives them the capability of being general laborers for the rest of the world, but not much better. It also helps explain how people can be so beguiled by false television media reports and advertising claims.

People testing lower than an 80 IQ are regarded as “low average,” and those under 70 are considered retarded. People testing 110 to 130 are considered superior in intelligence. Above that is the genius category.

 

According to international IQ charts, the United States rates 18 behind other nations in average intellectual levels. At the top is Hong Kong at 107; South Korea, 106; Japan, 105; Taiwan and Singapore, 104; Austria, Germany, Italy and The Netherlands, 102; Sweden and Switzerland at 101; Belgium, China, New Zealand and the United Kingdom at 100; Hungary, Poland and Spain at 99.

 

According to the Mensa IQ group, these numbers are not bad, although they could be much better, especially in the United States where educational opportunities were once touted as among the best, and our universities excelled for years. Education in America took a beating, however, during the Bush years after Mr. Bush introduced his infamous “no child left behind” policy. It forced teachers to prepare students to pass federal tests rather than teach them anything. Thus the general IQ range of Americans may have slipped a few notches since 2004. It may be a few years before the full extent of the damage will be learned.

 

People in the IQ range of 90 to 110 are considered good learners and hands-on people well adapted for public service jobs. They make good secretaries, bank tellers, police officers, machinists and sales clerks. That just about describes the American people today. Where are the artists, the writers, the great mathematicians, inventors? We are not producing them anymore.

 

Remember that these numbers are “average,” which means that some are much lower, while others are higher. People at 70 to 80 IQ are thought of as slow, simple-minded individuals that need supervision just to function. Those at 120 and above are the creative ones, the leaders.

 

The bottom line to all of this is that Americans are falling behind. Either we are producing dumber people, or something has gone very wrong with our education system. The masses are turning out to be bungling idiots, content on their menial 9-5 job, their nightly ration of beer and Saturday afternoon football. They will raise the flag and go to war when the leaders tell them to, and they won’t question the order.

The big business interests have got people right where they want them. They have turned Americans into a nation of slaves, content to work for minimum wages with no benefits so the wealthy landowners get even richer.

Any real explaination needed on why we are largely a nation of sheeple?<strong>

 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 17:35 | 2797107 css1971
css1971's picture

IQ correlates with motivation. Americans are just fat and happy. They'll get smarter as the shit hits the fan.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:47 | 2795866 dark pools of soros
dark pools of soros's picture

Tyler, now that you have done your part to record the history of the complete fall of the dollar and the election is upon us with no change in direction, do you have any energy to stick around for another 4 years or is it time to just buy that villa in Costa Rica and be done with this shit?

 

 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:57 | 2796385 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Villa in Canada.....we are drafting him. 

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:52 | 2795895 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

Sounds like typical Apple users to me.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 13:59 | 2795944 Charles Bishop ...
Charles Bishop Weyland's picture

Marching fucking Morons.

 All those phones-and not a damn thing to say.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:13 | 2796057 Floodmaster
Floodmaster's picture

Itards,Bastiat's best friends.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:17 | 2796089 chrispycrunch
chrispycrunch's picture

Kind of like: "Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel, Ferrari, Latigra? They're the same face!"

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:17 | 2796099 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

iTwats....

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 14:25 | 2796164 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Given the way in which world affairs are presently being managed, the next iPhone may be made out of bamboo.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 15:02 | 2796412 natty light
natty light's picture

:butthead voice: "They're stupid."

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 16:04 | 2796769 Drachma
Drachma's picture

Everything on television(msm) is either advertising or market research in one incarnation or another; a kind of 'student of the mind' experimentalist's wet dream.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 16:11 | 2796805 Hayabusa
Hayabusa's picture

Look I grew up with DOS, Windows, Linex and when Apple's OS came out all the people that liked it were considered simpletons.  These people who own the Iphone 4s and can't tell the difference are typical Apple users... IQ <85... you could sell em anything after telling them how great it is and lie, lie, lie.  What boobs.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 18:02 | 2797203 smiler03
smiler03's picture

I think you're dead right. Those on the video clip don't appear to be very bright. It's like this question asked of people on the street..

"FEMA has a plan to distribute hydrogen oxide in the US, should it be allowed?"

HELL NO!!

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 23:24 | 2797970 Amused2Death
Amused2Death's picture

People can laugh, but I know several people taking money from food, shelter, and other necessities to buy iCrap.  A college student took half of her fin. aid loan to buy a spanking new iPad from Best Buy with all the gadgets and whistles that Best Buy dumped on her, final cost $980.  She's missed over a week of classes because she can't afford to replace the battery on her car.

Fri, 09/14/2012 - 23:24 | 2797971 Amused2Death
Amused2Death's picture

People can laugh, but I know several people taking money from food, shelter, and other necessities to buy iCrap.  A college student took half of her fin. aid loan to buy a spanking new iPad from Best Buy with all the gadgets and whistles that Best Buy dumped on her, final cost $980.  She's missed over a week of classes because she can't afford to replace the battery on her car.

Sun, 09/23/2012 - 23:46 | 2823406 cgagw
cgagw's picture

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