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Friday Humor: The Muppet-Master

Tyler Durden's picture





 

It's Friday afternoon. Given today's 'Epic Farce' of an equity-trading environment - It's 2pm, do you know where your sense-of-humor is?

 

On his relationship with Blankfein: "Elmo has no idea what he is saying but Elmo hopes he is friendly."

 

On the market's rebound today: "Elmo is so happy being red and Elmo just likes to be red."

 

On Corzine (and the BATS CEO soon): "He loves live in a trashcan; you don’t have to feel sad for him."

 

(h/t Jon)

 


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Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:03 | Link to Comment SilverTree
SilverTree's picture
A Muppet and I know it.   http://youtu.be/RWF86D_UNxc
Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:45 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

"Elmo wants to know why Goldman Sachs CEO Mr. Lloyd Blankfein feels he has the right to stick his hand up & violate Elmo's anal cavity."

"Elmo did not request a prostate exam."

"Elmo doesn't think this is doing God's work."

"Elmo wants to go to ER and report anal rape incident, but neither Mr. Jon Corzine or Mr. William Dudley, who used to be partners at Goldman Sachs, and who drove Elmo to Goldman Sachs meeting, will answer their phones."

"Elmo is sad because he now has painful rectal bleeding caused by Vampire Squid attack."

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:52 | Link to Comment krispkritter
Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:28 | Link to Comment ShankyS
ShankyS's picture

It's TICKLE me Elmo, NOT MOLEST me Elmo you bastard. 

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 17:24 | Link to Comment NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

Even the North American Man-Muppet Love Association (NAMMLA) is disgusted by this picture...

Sat, 03/24/2012 - 00:56 | Link to Comment Spirit Of Truth
Spirit Of Truth's picture

Elmo learns the Catholic meaning of "God's Work" from Lloyd Blankfein. [Note that the Vatican is the third largest land owner in the world.  This represents Christ's will how?]

Sat, 03/24/2012 - 04:27 | Link to Comment iamrage
iamrage's picture

Not what I heard....Probably NSFW, but generally harmless humor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_49VS4nuao

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:24 | Link to Comment Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

It's disgusting that none of these crooks have been arrested yet. We all know why they havn't been. Sad.

 

http://jamesturkblog.blogspot.ca/

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 21:06 | Link to Comment morkov
morkov's picture

muppets got a star on that holywood pavement yesterday. hm?

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 23:03 | Link to Comment AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

benefits from smart crooks > benefits from ignorant society arresting crooks

 

mass public is scape goating at occupy wall st. folks and doing banking with banks of america.

 

unless zerohedge becomes more popular than facebook, don't expect any revolutions from the fat TV watching walmart hoarding americans.

 

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:29 | Link to Comment LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

 

 

Cue Buffett wearing the Big Bird costume...

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:53 | Link to Comment i-dog
i-dog's picture

... and the American voter as the Cookie Monster....

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 16:03 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

How to Profit with Goldman Sachs; Be the Non-Muppet

by John Paulson

 

Many believe wealthy investor clients of Goldman Sachs are exploited by Goldman Sachs.  While this is the rule, I am the exception to it that proves you won't inevitably lose money by following Goldman's advice, so long as you harbor devious intent and are able to get Goldman Sachs drawn into a conspiracy to defraud.

Here's how it works.

1)   Meet with prominent members of some of the riskiest asset class departments at Goldman Sachs. For demonstration purposes, let's assume you set up a meeting with the subprime MBS group circa 2006.

 

2)  Pledge a large chunk of your own money to further a scheme that gets Goldman, salivating over the potential profit, to agree to source and pool the worst of the worst of toxic mortgages, synthesize them, slap fancy names like 'Abacus' or 'Hudson' on them, take them to a credit rating wet work shop like Fitch to get them rebranded as investment grade, and heavily promote them as relatively safe, high yield, preferential products to Muppet clients of Goldman.

 

3) After Goldman rakes in massive fees selling these toxic but fraudulently mis-labeled assets to its Muppet clients, short these same assets, along with Goldman, with heavy leverage, as you already know they are destined to implode soon.

 

4)  Sit back, put your legs up on the desk, pour yourself a Makers Mark, and wait for it to rain dolla dolla bills.

 

5)  After making a name for yourself by netting a cool billion and being portrayed as a savvy investor, get your own clients who are throwing themselves at you with their money, and grow your own fund to 30 bln AUM, proceeding to lose 50% of that money, but gaining 4 billion in money management fees, nonetheless.

 

Don't be the individual, no matter how much you are (or were formerly) worth, who believes that Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan wouldn't stab you in the heart with an ice pick while complimenting you on your tie, telling you how profitable your 'future partnership' will be, so long as they can make a penny from your suffering.

Don't be the Muppet. Be a co-Muppeteer.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:30 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

[talking about supporting Greg The Bunny's interest in the Pupish Movement]
Jimmy: Hey, why don't you guys give him a break? Instead of stabbing him in the back, why don't you try showing him a little support in the front? Lets face it, humans have been mistreating puppets for centuries. It's nothing new. We lure them to our country with the tartar sauce, and the lollipops, and the empty promises of sparklers which I believe are yet unfulfilled. Tardy, you got your sparklers?
Tardy: I'm tough but nice.
Jimmy: Yea that's what I thought! And then we go and trade their hides for, you know, cheap whiskey during the war of the roses.
Dottie: Is that true?
Count Blah: No
Jimmy: We had them build our airplanes and our suspension bridges and our jet packs and our race cars, but can you name me one puppet that's ever taken home the trophy at the Minneapolis 500? I dare ya. Can ya? No!
Alison Kaiser: I understood the pupish better.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:42 | Link to Comment SILVERGEDDON
SILVERGEDDON's picture

"AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH ! I'll say whatever you want me to say, and do whatever you want me to do, just stop squeezing my nuts so hard - it hurts !

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:45 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Female Clown Barfly: As soon as that camera is off, he gonna fuck that little dog.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:13 | Link to Comment MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

+50 shakes

Now that is obscure!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:02 | Link to Comment RacerX
RacerX's picture

so THAT'S who's got his hand up my ass!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:13 | Link to Comment Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Good to know that Wall Street is not just fucking with Main Street, its also screwing Sesame Street.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:18 | Link to Comment Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

March is Muppet Fisting Awareness Month.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:34 | Link to Comment NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

Once you go muppet...

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:04 | Link to Comment SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

blank

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:29 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

fein.....   There I hope that helps you finish your thought.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:46 | Link to Comment nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

down arrow from me.  Fix the avatar already dude.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:04 | Link to Comment Likstane
Likstane's picture

maybe that is what we are supposed to see.  Nah..

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:03 | Link to Comment GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

WillyB going to work...

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:05 | Link to Comment Nothing To See Here
Nothing To See Here's picture

Elmo : "Sup?"

GS : "Fuck this muppet, it has no cash to milk"

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:05 | Link to Comment peekcrackers
peekcrackers's picture

RacerX

did you notice where his other hand is placed ?

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:09 | Link to Comment RacerX
RacerX's picture

are you saying I'm getting the courtesy reach-around as well? how thoughtful of Lllllooyd

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:15 | Link to Comment MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

The hand in back is for the wallet.  The reach-around is for the pocket-change.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:40 | Link to Comment NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

Don't feel too bad for Elmo...he's done this before.  See Elmo Experiments...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/burnred/elmo-experiments-281t 

Elmo's a whore.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:07 | Link to Comment Everyman
Everyman's picture

"Why is he touching Elmo THERE?"

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:23 | Link to Comment Gazooks
Gazooks's picture

full service banking

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 18:57 | Link to Comment Ginandtonic
Ginandtonic's picture

comment of the day right there.  plus 15.75 trillion and some change.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:08 | Link to Comment marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

Elmo in 2012.

If you are going to have puppet in the White House, it might as well be one from Sesame Street.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:08 | Link to Comment The Limerick King
The Limerick King's picture

 

 

Elmo thinks Goldman has class

But Lloyd knows that muppets are crass

He gives them a smile

All of the while

He's reaching his hand up their ass!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:12 | Link to Comment prains
prains's picture

Is that elmo or Mitt Obama ?

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:13 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Inflation is like Snuffaluffagus

Fed doesn't see it's humongous

It's hairy and massive

But the Banksters aren't passive

They'll print till it's sitting on top of us

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:33 | Link to Comment ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

why not "humonguffalus"?

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:40 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Yes that would work better thanks. Next time I need to rhyme Snuffaluffagus I will get your assistance.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:39 | Link to Comment Gazooks
Gazooks's picture

there once was a global mf

whose margin was lacking mos def

segregated accounts

of mega amounts

were looted to make up the dif

 

 

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:08 | Link to Comment Spondulick
Spondulick's picture

All Your String are belong to Elmo.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:20 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

La la la la La la la la it's Blankfein's world.....

 

Elmo: Lloyd

Lloyd: Yes Elmo?

Elmo: For years you've had your hand up my ass fist fucking me with out me being aware. Well now I'm going to shove something so far up your ass that you and all of your criminal fucks will be aware. Welcome to Elmo's world you fuck!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:54 | Link to Comment Gazooks
Gazooks's picture

there was once a bankster named Lloyd

who by laws was simply annoyed

deep up taxpayer ass

he'd reach to grab cash

a proctologist pretty-boy-floyd

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:15 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Besides this being the Mahna Mahna economy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N_tupPBtWQ) everyone knows that this is the Opposite economy:

Opposite Stuff

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StzK2CUdozw

 

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:11 | Link to Comment junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Hey Elmo put some pants on, you freak

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:12 | Link to Comment q99x2
q99x2's picture

About time for TVIX to do a 4:1 reverse vaporization. It stopped falling in case anyone cares to dabble.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:27 | Link to Comment Village Smithy
Village Smithy's picture

After this mornings' turn around in the face of bad economic news, algo mayhem, and lots of scary international rumours I think it's time to forget about the VIX. Bernanke has given the signal, 1380.50 in the ES is the bottom. In my mind this morning was the end of the vol game. QE is on hold but a new Maginot line has been drawn.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:16 | Link to Comment peekcrackers
peekcrackers's picture

Now Open  " Blankfein's RUB & TUG "  combo for muppets

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:16 | Link to Comment Agent P
Agent P's picture

What a fucking goofy looking muppet...and don't even get me started on the red guy.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:16 | Link to Comment candyman
candyman's picture

un f'in believable, People think Muslims get a bad rap and are portrayed as being intolerant when they are the religion of peace.  This moving service takes place in a war memorial cemetery in the middle east, dedicated to the soldiers who died fighting for their country against their dictators

THE RELIGION OF PEACE AT WORK. This is not humorous   http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f03_1330829653&p=1

  

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:30 | Link to Comment DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

I wonder how long that link stays alive...

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:05 | Link to Comment BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture

...next thing you know the Muslim antichrist pukes will be blowing up Buddhist statues. Lol.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfR_HWMzgyc

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:24 | Link to Comment Seorse Gorog fr...
Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

They're just looking for oil

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:21 | Link to Comment slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

janHazmat has been replaced?

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:23 | Link to Comment dwayne elizando
dwayne elizando's picture

Wall Street raping Sesame Street so the children of America know whats in store for them.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:24 | Link to Comment Ted Baker
Ted Baker's picture

M-CLIENTS (M FOR MUPPET) OF GOLDMAN AS THEY HAVE BEEN COMMONLY KNOWN FOR THE LAST 20+ YEARS OR SO SINCE THE CO WENT PUBLIC WILL BE DELIGHTED WITH THIS PHOTOSHOOT!!!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:38 | Link to Comment AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Check out the headline on CNBC. Interesting use of the word "Lured". To lure is to use a decoy to catch something, usually a fish. After being caught, of course it is likely to be gutted, filleted and eaten. And such will be the fate of the average investor.  

 

CNBC - Average Investors May Finally Be Lured Back Into Stocks Published: Friday, 23 Mar 2012 | 1:24 PM ET

http://www.cnbc.com/id/46835331

 

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:43 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

'Avg Investors may finally be lured back into stocks' LOL HOW do you figure that CNBC ass hat cheerleaders and Wall St puppeteers?!....'Average Investor' is now dead broke and wouldnt touched this rigged casino even if YOU sent them free money to put into your stupid markets! 

'Now 51% of Schwabb investors are 'bullish', a sure sign the less bullish suckers will 'bite the lure' and follow suit now that the 'bull market' has caused the S&P to double'....Uh...yea sure...

Theyve gone totaly delusional now!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:45 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

lol...look at line peeling off the reel!!!...it must be a whopper!!!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:49 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Could it be.....it IS! The Avg White Retail!! From hells heart, I stab at thee!!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:50 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

ROTFL!!!

Moby Blankfein!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:13 | Link to Comment AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

You owe me a keyboard. LMAO

Sun, 03/25/2012 - 03:39 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

They're not luring the whales anymore.

The whales figure they literally have better odds (and company, from a moral and ethical standpoint) in Vegas or Macau.

So they're hopelessly casting their lures for the retail perch & trout.

But the jig is up as even the lowly fish know there's just a painful hook that will lead to their gutting near that spinner.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:46 | Link to Comment slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Just as intestesing use of "average."  Who the f*ck wants to be referred to as "average"?

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 17:19 | Link to Comment citta vritti
citta vritti's picture

me for one. it's a step up from my results

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 16:07 | Link to Comment lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

there is much truth in wording, as represented by the phrase 'freudian slip'.

nice catch - 'real' it in.

 

 

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:42 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

If you push Elmo's belly he laughs; similarly Banksters laugh when the Fed pushes print.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:43 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

Real Men of Jean-yous.

That's right Mr. Muppet Master Man, we're talkin about you.

With your head up your ass & a hand always up someone elses.

Who's never seen an IPO that can't be front run or shorted. Doing God's work nine to five and being paid a handsome bonus off the jittery algo rhythms really works up an appetite for a weekend at the Hamptons for you. Million dollar fines are wiped away by green printed toilet paper rolls given to you by the Bernank.

So here's to you Mr. Muppet Master Man, may the statists always create new government departments for you to plunder and the doors of academia swing wide for you.

Mr. Muppet Master Maaan!!!

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:48 | Link to Comment Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Lloyd Blankfein: I just love fist fucking muppets. Back at the office, they call me Dr. Rectoscope.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:51 | Link to Comment Decolat
Decolat's picture

'Can you point on the doll where Mr. Blankfein touched you...'

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 20:41 | Link to Comment Orly
Orly's picture

Now that was a good one.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 14:55 | Link to Comment spekulatn
Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:02 | Link to Comment The Heart
The Heart's picture

You want funny, watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sbMxxeFYXM

 

Sat, 03/24/2012 - 08:48 | Link to Comment Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

 

Much funnier:

Quant quiz of the Week
Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:09 | Link to Comment MrBinkeyWhat
MrBinkeyWhat's picture

Is that you WB7?

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 15:19 | Link to Comment Seorse Gorog fr...
Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

Blankfein: LLoyd's-a-doing god's work. Lloyd-a-massage Elmo's prostate and milk Elmo furry balls.

Elmo: Waaah,...  Elmo.   see.    the.   light, Mr Lloyd.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 16:45 | Link to Comment qussl3
qussl3's picture

You've seen Elmo, wanna see Bert and Ernie?

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 17:46 | Link to Comment Lmo Mutton
Lmo Mutton's picture

Lmo says tickle me again.

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 18:42 | Link to Comment Lumberjack
Lumberjack's picture

Just because...it's friday.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxch-yi14BE

Sat, 03/24/2012 - 17:47 | Link to Comment MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

NOW it's fry-day :D

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 20:14 | Link to Comment piceridu
piceridu's picture

Featuring Corzmit The Frog as he sings his classic: It's Not Easy Stealing Green

Sat, 03/24/2012 - 12:13 | Link to Comment CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

"Mr. Blankfein?"

"Yes, Elmo."

"Elmo thinks that Tickle me Elmo likes to get two test tickles...not two fingers on his testicles."

"Oh Elmo, everyone at Goldman Sachs knows that Muppets don't have any testicles."

"Elmo thinks Mr. Blankfein would make a good pirate in our next Muppet Treasure Island movie because he is a Muppet molester."

Fri, 03/23/2012 - 22:27 | Link to Comment nah
nah's picture

oh jeez, thats alot of securities.

Sat, 03/24/2012 - 04:48 | Link to Comment Grand Supercycle
Grand Supercycle's picture

The Wile E. Coyote scenario continues...

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2012-12-24/market-analysis

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!