Friday Humor: The Muppet-Master

Tyler Durden's picture

It's Friday afternoon. Given today's 'Epic Farce' of an equity-trading environment - It's 2pm, do you know where your sense-of-humor is?


On his relationship with Blankfein: "Elmo has no idea what he is saying but Elmo hopes he is friendly."


On the market's rebound today: "Elmo is so happy being red and Elmo just likes to be red."


On Corzine (and the BATS CEO soon): "He loves live in a trashcan; you don’t have to feel sad for him."


(h/t Jon)

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TruthInSunshine's picture

"Elmo wants to know why Goldman Sachs CEO Mr. Lloyd Blankfein feels he has the right to stick his hand up & violate Elmo's anal cavity."

"Elmo did not request a prostate exam."

"Elmo doesn't think this is doing God's work."

"Elmo wants to go to ER and report anal rape incident, but neither Mr. Jon Corzine or Mr. William Dudley, who used to be partners at Goldman Sachs, and who drove Elmo to Goldman Sachs meeting, will answer their phones."

"Elmo is sad because he now has painful rectal bleeding caused by Vampire Squid attack."

ShankyS's picture

It's TICKLE me Elmo, NOT MOLEST me Elmo you bastard. 

NumberNone's picture

Even the North American Man-Muppet Love Association (NAMMLA) is disgusted by this picture...

Spirit Of Truth's picture

Elmo learns the Catholic meaning of "God's Work" from Lloyd Blankfein. [Note that the Vatican is the third largest land owner in the world.  This represents Christ's will how?]

iamrage's picture

Not what I heard....Probably NSFW, but generally harmless humor.

Silver Bug's picture

It's disgusting that none of these crooks have been arrested yet. We all know why they havn't been. Sad.

morkov's picture

muppets got a star on that holywood pavement yesterday. hm?

AldousHuxley's picture

benefits from smart crooks > benefits from ignorant society arresting crooks


mass public is scape goating at occupy wall st. folks and doing banking with banks of america.


unless zerohedge becomes more popular than facebook, don't expect any revolutions from the fat TV watching walmart hoarding americans.


LongSoupLine's picture



Cue Buffett wearing the Big Bird costume...

i-dog's picture

... and the American voter as the Cookie Monster....

TruthInSunshine's picture

How to Profit with Goldman Sachs; Be the Non-Muppet

by John Paulson


Many believe wealthy investor clients of Goldman Sachs are exploited by Goldman Sachs.  While this is the rule, I am the exception to it that proves you won't inevitably lose money by following Goldman's advice, so long as you harbor devious intent and are able to get Goldman Sachs drawn into a conspiracy to defraud.

Here's how it works.

1)   Meet with prominent members of some of the riskiest asset class departments at Goldman Sachs. For demonstration purposes, let's assume you set up a meeting with the subprime MBS group circa 2006.


2)  Pledge a large chunk of your own money to further a scheme that gets Goldman, salivating over the potential profit, to agree to source and pool the worst of the worst of toxic mortgages, synthesize them, slap fancy names like 'Abacus' or 'Hudson' on them, take them to a credit rating wet work shop like Fitch to get them rebranded as investment grade, and heavily promote them as relatively safe, high yield, preferential products to Muppet clients of Goldman.


3) After Goldman rakes in massive fees selling these toxic but fraudulently mis-labeled assets to its Muppet clients, short these same assets, along with Goldman, with heavy leverage, as you already know they are destined to implode soon.


4)  Sit back, put your legs up on the desk, pour yourself a Makers Mark, and wait for it to rain dolla dolla bills.


5)  After making a name for yourself by netting a cool billion and being portrayed as a savvy investor, get your own clients who are throwing themselves at you with their money, and grow your own fund to 30 bln AUM, proceeding to lose 50% of that money, but gaining 4 billion in money management fees, nonetheless.


Don't be the individual, no matter how much you are (or were formerly) worth, who believes that Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan wouldn't stab you in the heart with an ice pick while complimenting you on your tie, telling you how profitable your 'future partnership' will be, so long as they can make a penny from your suffering.

Don't be the Muppet. Be a co-Muppeteer.

Gully Foyle's picture

[talking about supporting Greg The Bunny's interest in the Pupish Movement]
Jimmy: Hey, why don't you guys give him a break? Instead of stabbing him in the back, why don't you try showing him a little support in the front? Lets face it, humans have been mistreating puppets for centuries. It's nothing new. We lure them to our country with the tartar sauce, and the lollipops, and the empty promises of sparklers which I believe are yet unfulfilled. Tardy, you got your sparklers?
Tardy: I'm tough but nice.
Jimmy: Yea that's what I thought! And then we go and trade their hides for, you know, cheap whiskey during the war of the roses.
Dottie: Is that true?
Count Blah: No
Jimmy: We had them build our airplanes and our suspension bridges and our jet packs and our race cars, but can you name me one puppet that's ever taken home the trophy at the Minneapolis 500? I dare ya. Can ya? No!
Alison Kaiser: I understood the pupish better.


"AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH ! I'll say whatever you want me to say, and do whatever you want me to do, just stop squeezing my nuts so hard - it hurts !

Gully Foyle's picture

Female Clown Barfly: As soon as that camera is off, he gonna fuck that little dog.

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

+50 shakes

Now that is obscure!

RacerX's picture

so THAT'S who's got his hand up my ass!

Divided States of America's picture

Good to know that Wall Street is not just fucking with Main Street, its also screwing Sesame Street.

Dr. Engali's picture

fein.....   There I hope that helps you finish your thought.

nope-1004's picture

down arrow from me.  Fix the avatar already dude.

Likstane's picture

maybe that is what we are supposed to see.  Nah..

GeneMarchbanks's picture

WillyB going to work...

Nothing To See Here's picture

Elmo : "Sup?"

GS : "Fuck this muppet, it has no cash to milk"

peekcrackers's picture


did you notice where his other hand is placed ?

RacerX's picture

are you saying I'm getting the courtesy reach-around as well? how thoughtful of Lllllooyd

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

The hand in back is for the wallet.  The reach-around is for the pocket-change.

NumberNone's picture

Don't feel too bad for Elmo...he's done this before.  See Elmo Experiments... 

Elmo's a whore.

Everyman's picture

"Why is he touching Elmo THERE?"

Ginandtonic's picture

comment of the day right there.  plus 15.75 trillion and some change.

marcusfenix's picture

Elmo in 2012.

If you are going to have puppet in the White House, it might as well be one from Sesame Street.

The Limerick King's picture



Elmo thinks Goldman has class

But Lloyd knows that muppets are crass

He gives them a smile

All of the while

He's reaching his hand up their ass!

prains's picture

Is that elmo or Mitt Obama ?

Temporalist's picture

Inflation is like Snuffaluffagus

Fed doesn't see it's humongous

It's hairy and massive

But the Banksters aren't passive

They'll print till it's sitting on top of us

Temporalist's picture

Yes that would work better thanks. Next time I need to rhyme Snuffaluffagus I will get your assistance.

Gazooks's picture

there once was a global mf

whose margin was lacking mos def

segregated accounts

of mega amounts

were looted to make up the dif



Spondulick's picture

All Your String are belong to Elmo.

Dr. Engali's picture

La la la la La la la la it's Blankfein's world.....


Elmo: Lloyd

Lloyd: Yes Elmo?

Elmo: For years you've had your hand up my ass fist fucking me with out me being aware. Well now I'm going to shove something so far up your ass that you and all of your criminal fucks will be aware. Welcome to Elmo's world you fuck!

Gazooks's picture

there was once a bankster named Lloyd

who by laws was simply annoyed

deep up taxpayer ass

he'd reach to grab cash

a proctologist pretty-boy-floyd

Temporalist's picture

Besides this being the Mahna Mahna economy ( everyone knows that this is the Opposite economy:

Opposite Stuff


junkyardjack's picture

Hey Elmo put some pants on, you freak

q99x2's picture

About time for TVIX to do a 4:1 reverse vaporization. It stopped falling in case anyone cares to dabble.

Village Smithy's picture

After this mornings' turn around in the face of bad economic news, algo mayhem, and lots of scary international rumours I think it's time to forget about the VIX. Bernanke has given the signal, 1380.50 in the ES is the bottom. In my mind this morning was the end of the vol game. QE is on hold but a new Maginot line has been drawn.

peekcrackers's picture

Now Open  " Blankfein's RUB & TUG "  combo for muppets

Agent P's picture

What a fucking goofy looking muppet...and don't even get me started on the red guy.