Friday Humor: The New Normal Asset Manager

Tyler Durden's picture

Curious why legendary hedge fund managers are shutting down shops left and right in disgust with the mockery that central planning and algorithmic short-termism had made of equity markets? Don't be: his name is Julian Marchese, he runs a "macro fund"... and he is 16. Don't get us wrong: we enjoy the next youth trading prodigy, and here the Schwab baby comes to mind, as much as everyone else. Our concern is when it is the people who have never even seen half of a business cycle that start running your money, and, probably worse, making money, which leads them to believe they know what they are doing, and gets gullible LPs to allocate capital to them based on a 3 month track record, when in reality the entire market is one merely primed for outperformance courtesy of central planner puts and priced to Bernie Madoff ponzi perfection, targeting a specific investor type. And here the Schwab baby comes to mind again.


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Zopper's picture

E-Trade Baby - Annnnnnd its Gone Capital Management, LP

JPM Hater001's picture

I believe you meant to attach the classic South Park...And it's gone.

TruthInSunshine's picture

When you start to see shit like this, especially promoted by the Clown Network that is cnBSc, it's almost guaranteed to be a slam dunk non-technical sign of a blow off top.

Head & Shoulders time. The technicals are quite peaky, a right shoulder looms, the underlying economy sucks far worse than any bleating MSM reading sheeple would ever be made aware of, and the valuations of 50x-500x P/E on companies that are shitty and/or profitless and/or still lobbing "we'll monetize our user base soon" grenades are starting to make circa-1999 look normal.

But I'm sure there's always that Bernank/Draghi "put" to save the day (just like it hasN'T in past times), on the assumption that said put is able to contravene basic laws of economics, arithmetic & consumer psychology permanently.

Pladizow's picture

I recomend this kid focus on ({}).

Pladizow's picture

You'd prefer ( . )( . )  ?

Ahmeexnal's picture

German military occupation of europe begins:  Kosovo falls to the wehrmacht.

German General Volker Halbauer took command of NATO's KFOR troops in Kosovo on Friday as the flaring ethnic tensions in the majority-Serb north remain a challenge for the 5,600-strong force.

JPM Hater001's picture

Here is my final thought on the kid. 

If he shines shoes and gives stock tips it's time to get out.

dwdollar's picture

Did he even have hair on his dick in 2008?

Sooo... basically the little shit discovered what stocks were in March of 2009 (by sheer fucking luck) and put all of Mommy and Daddy's money into the casino. CNBC must be getting REAL desperate now.

FEDbuster's picture

Maybe he can partner up with Corzine's new fund?  Then he will learn what the underside of a bus looks like.

Joeman34's picture

He didn't build it, he had help from the central planners...

UP Forester's picture

Now we know what Max Fischer looks like....

Ahmeexnal's picture

Max Fischer, Civis Asswipus

GetZeeGold's picture





Oh crap..undo.


Undo, undo...



Lore's picture



The kid is sensitive to currency movements, so he'll probably be fine. Anyone with time and patience should be able to make double digits just by playing currency swings.

Lore's picture

It's better than holding bonds.

TruthInSunshine's picture


"The kid is sensitive to currency movements, so he'll probably be fine. Anyone with time and patience should be able to make double digits just by playing currency swings."


He'll be a Canadian version of Mrs. Watanabe before he knows it!


'Mrs. Watanabes' Blamed for Yen Surge -
Sylvia Plath's picture

I don't see the problem with this... the system needs people like this... so someone can lose money while the smart traders (ahem HFT's...) can take!

smlbizman's picture

he sounds more like a parrot who sits in front of the clown channel alllll dayyyy looonnnggg....

quintago's picture

Pretty sure his breath stills smells like breast milk.

Dr. Richard Head's picture

Looks like a goatse to me. The 16 year-old trade that is.  Not sure what emoticon that was. .AHAHAH

Agent P's picture

Once he discovers that, his intelligence will begin to least that's what happened to me...still beats a 30% return any day of the week!

resurger's picture

Tell him to remove the tampon first

economics9698's picture

Thank god a mans nose is on his face and not on his dick.  


stocktivity's picture

This pretty much confirms the end of this bubble is near.

economics9698's picture

Wal-Mart, Coke, and McDonalds.  I think I could have made that call.

veyron's picture

It's not the kid's fault that others are telling him he is a great trader ...

Ahmeexnal's picture

But it's his fault in believing those lies they say about him.

Zero Debt's picture

In the later part of the interview he said he was short Euros.

This was on Wed 5 sept. EUR/USD touched a low at 1.25 and then rallied to over 1.28.


joe6px's picture

I think your double speak is bordering on thought-crime.

JuliaS's picture

Hey, don't make fun of him! He read a book!

joe6px's picture

Young genius as he may or may not be. he has had success on his side up to this point.  What the young lad may be lacking is the experience in the real world.  A lot of old timers bring this up.  Simply because they have seen what the 'new and improved' world and what it brought.   Those farmers had to work to overcome all the difficulties it brought..  Small, local farmers feed the world and that is worth working the land and a sense of pride it brings.  Gangsters, Motorcycle Gangs, and Wall Street all starve a much deserved death without them.

The trend is your friend's picture

The writing is always on the wall in plain site at the top.  In 1999, the peak of CNBS, they had a show called Buy, Sell or Hold where sheep would call in for an opinion on thier favorite pony.  I will never forget the number of 10-11 year old's calling in about their internet stocks because their parents gave them 10k to "invest" in the stock market.  Here we are in 2012 where sheep is handing over millions to a 16 year old cuz he's some sort of whiz kid....or somthin

TruthInSunshine's picture

I still remember when Leonard the Monkey, who basically was a chimp that they gave a ball ping hammer to so he could smash the "buy," "sell," or "hold" buttons, would routinely beat Jimmy Jam Cramer ('Crames' as I used to call him) for months on end in a stock picking duel.

joe6px's picture

Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated.  TPTB are indoctrinating a new generation.  What other explanation could there be given the current situation?

GeezerGeek's picture

Of course we will be assimilated. After being Corzined, what else is left? After all, the DNC just announced that we all belong to the government now, didn't it? (Beats being left to fend for myself if those racist, dastardly Repubs win in November!)

When I'm borgified I want to be 6 of 9, right next to 7 of 9.

economics9698's picture

When the Red Army was circling around Berlin the only chance the German civilians, women, had was 16 year old boys that defend the city from the barbarian hordes.

Is history repeating itself?

JuliaS's picture

We also had 16 year old Jewish boys enforcing Nazi imposed curfew in Warsaw in 1940's.

economics9698's picture

George Soros.  Pamella Geller doesn't call it Jewicide for nothing.

TruthInSunshine's picture

What Soros wouldn't do for a buck...


No seriously (equivalent of "take my wife, for instance" joke)....


What Soros wouldn't do for a buck.

joe6px's picture

could modern 16 yr olds have the dicipline or attention span to even stand guard?

mjcOH1's picture

Depends on whether the ritalin ration gets distributed.

kito's picture

any more of a joke than any of the professional lemming investment bank analysts often cited by tyler??????????

EvlTheCat's picture

Are you still calling no more QE this year?