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Friday Humor: Olympics Edition
Sometimes, some things are best left unsaid:
- Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
- Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
- Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
- Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
- Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
- At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
- Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
- Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"
And finally, Obama calls Phelps:
"Congratulations Michael, but remember you didn't win all those medals, someone else did. After all, you swam in public pools, built by state employees using tax dollars. You got training from the USOC, and ate food grown by the Department of Agriculture. You should play fair and share your medals with the people who can barely keep their head above water, let alone swim."
h/t George
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Friday Humor! \o/
Eric Cartman's Minorities Song: What has happened to this place / I don’t recognize it anymore / It used to be so fun and special / What is life worth living for The dream is dead / Our land is gone / There’s a hole in my heart / And I can’t go on / There are too many minorities (minorities) / At my water park (my water park) / This was our land, our dream (our dream) / and they’ve taken it all away / They just keep coming and coming (minorities) / I tried to go and tell the police / But even the authorities / Are minorities (are minorities) / At my water park / There’s no place for me to sit anymore / And the lines just keep getting crazier / There are Mexicans all around me / The lazy river has never been lazier / It’s a 40 minute wait to go down one slide / And the instructions are in Spanish on the Zip Line ride (just do it in English!) / There are too many minorities (too many) / At my water park (somebody do something) / Where did they all come from / Why can’t they leave this land alone / And it’s such a tragedy (feel a bit like dying) / We looked the other way too long / We’ve got to change our priorities / And get all these minorities/ Out of my water park / (Minorities) Mexicans and Asian / Black people / I think I even saw Native Americans (gross) / God I’m asking please / Get all of these minorities / Out of my water park (my water park)
Thought London 2012 would be THE year for men's synchonized swim. What a disappointment.
For some reason, I found this funny at the time:
As an aside, Joo's throw was probably the most spectacular in the entire Olympics 2012: http://cdn3.sbnation.com/fan_shot_images/262630/1.gif
I say give Phelps another medal for hottest girlfriend, this is reportedly his current one:
http://www.modelmayhem.com/portfolio/1992939/viewall#/26590014
If that is Joo in the Blue, that is a quite the defense converted to a smashing offense. White did not know or see it coming...
I don't think this was planned. Just executed.
@Precious: They're not mad at each other, they are just pointing and thinking "I know you, I know you"
The quotes are fitting - they don't call it the XXX games for nothin'
Minorities themselves are not the problem; it's all the people in general.
" What the hell is it with all these white kids shootin up the school...?
Chris Rock
"What the hell is it with 1/4 of all black males currently in prison, just out of prison, or soon to be in prison...for robbbing, raping and murdering?" Ans: that's what the Jews put them up to do: via the welfare-illfare state, crime-lobby legal system, and drug culture. Expand the State.
First the J's ran the slave trade into England. When it was outlawed in there, they shifted to the slave trade into America. This is a documented fact.
Relatively few blacks have the organizational skills to acquire and keep wealth, own cars and guns ! They are good at grabbing guns from black cunt sherriffs and killing them and the judge and others when an outrageous injustice is summarily imposed on them .... to their credit ! They're also good at faking 911 domestic disturbance calls, lying in wait and wasting 4 deputies who come running to save the day .... like that guy in Texas ! Can't we all just get along ?
Nice of your patrons to pay you $12.50 an hour to fake a racist good old boy, but you don't even come close to fooling anyone.
Way too articulate for a good ol' boy. No ya'lls er nothin'
Throw a couple of those in next time and you might fool someone.
http://washington.cbslocal.com/2012/08/10/study-oral-sex-cures-morning-s...
Study: Oral Sex Cures Morning Sickness...
According to Gordon Gallup, a psychologist at SUNY-Albany, the best way to cure morning sickness during pregnancy is sperm.
But not just any sperm, it should be the sperm of the person who got you pregnant.
Gallup believes the reason a pregnant woman gets morning sickness is due to the unfamiliar semen in their body due to the pregnancy.
Gallup says in his findings that the woman’s body will initially reject the father’s semen as an infection and react to it by vomiting.
Gallup says the best cure for morning sickness is to ingest the father’s semen so her body can build up a tolerance to what’s already in her body.
Gallup agrees with the 2000 abstract from the National Center for Biotechnology Information, which showed that oral sex and swallowing sperm is correlated with a diminished occurrence of preeclampsia.
PubMed Health defines preeclampsia as when a pregnant woman develops high blood pressure and protein in the urine after the 20th week, which is usually in the late second or third trimester of pregnancy.
. . . and just think of the yet undiscovered benefits!
Men all over America are reading this story to their wives, and their wives are going, "That is so not going to happen."
Coast Watcher
Just tell them about the clear skin benefits. Then men will have to hide.
This research courtesy of Eric Cartman.
Why is the bride always smiling?
They know they've given their last blow job for awhile ;-)
Sure, brides and wives of all tenure are perfectly within their right to not put out--and there will always be plenty of others willing and ready to perform when wifey opts not to (or turns into an ugly, noisy balloonasaurus).
The trick is to have them read 50 Shades... first, then show them this story. You'll see the light bulb go on over their head.
I showed my wife this story and she said: "Honey our youngest child is 21".
I can see it now...
"Honey, suck dick or be sick. It's your choice. Oh, and don't forget to swallow!""
I awoke with a terrible tast in my mouth this morning.
Just a little bit of sympathetic reaction, nothing to worry about.
She always expects a kiss afterward.
Have a nice weekend, y'all !
sheeple are sheeple
Until yesterday, details of this $2.4 trillion bailout program were a closely-held secret, only made public through a FOIA request by finance professor Dr. Linus Wilson.
Paulson was using X to guarantee 48X in assets:
NEW DETAILS - How Hank Paulson Guaranteed $2.4 TRILLION In Money Market Assets With A $50 Billion Bluff
not everyone's a sheeple
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BD4LYe0aKc8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgMfj_DKvvY
I love you fuckin' limies! Your off the chain! How'd you let your country go down the tubes so bad?
Why are we hell bent on duplicating it?
"Obama calls Phelps" this merde is STILL funny!!!
http://govttrader.blogspot.com/
Lady at special olympics register: OK, now what's his condition?
Cartman's Mom: Umm... he's retarded
Lady at special olympics register: Uh... no I meant, what does he have? Cerebal Palsy, Attention Deficit Syndrome?
Cartman's Mom: Umm... I'm not sure... uh honey, what's your condition?
Cartman: How the hell should I know? I'm retarded. DUURRHH!
Voting for Obama or Romney is just like the Special Olympics - No matters who wins, they are both still retarded. HEY OHHHHHH!!!!
They didn't build that short yellow bus (somebody else did)... But they ride in it...
Damn I forgot to send you your two week card in time for your birthday.
And Michael....Please send your tax check for your medals directly to Ben
And the tungsten in the medals also. It's tradition.
Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field - Metro Radio
Dammit I just shot bourbon through my nose.....the pain!
... and I wasn't even drinking bourbon!
Wast of perfectly good Wild Turkey....fuck, I'm still trying to stop my nose running.
Seriously, that felt like tear gas. Shit.
Give him the bird!
That would make a great Olympic event.
"
"You Olympians, however, know you didn't get here solely on your own power,” said Romney, who on Friday will attend the Opening Ceremonies of this year’s Summer Olympics. “For most of you, loving parents, sisters or brothers, encouraged your hopes, coaches guided, communities built venues in order to organize competitions. All Olympians stand on the shoulders of those who lifted them. We’ve already cheered the Olympians, let’s also cheer the parents, coaches, and communities. All right! [pumps fist]."
-actual romney quote from 2002 games
other ones were funny, the Obama fake one wasnt. I mean it goes without saying, that almost every freakin athlete says" they could of never done it by themselves, without the help of.............." THey each say it. so why the controversy?
Why are people on the right so fucking stupid? what dont they get?
Their stupidity is only matched by those on the left.
and example A of a right wing idiot chimes in.
My politics have been clear the right is full of non-thinking idiots and the left is full of non-thinking idiots. Where do you fit into that description? I think I know.
you DONT think, that's your problem.
Can't answer the question ? I didn't think so. It was probably a bit complicated for you. Have a nice weekend. I'm done with this discussion lest I look like a fool.
"Never argue with a fool; onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."
Mark Twain
If you feed the trolls, they'll never learn to hunt for themselves.
Actually, I think people on the left are in fact more stupid; to wit: They seem to support things that are just plain obviously on the face of them bad ideas (i.e., let's bring all the Haitians with AIDS here and take care of them) and also support bad ideas that are just as obviously against their own self-interests (i.e., famously asked of a Marin mother: "Would you be okay if a less qualified minority took your child's place at university?" [In case you don't know, she answered yes.]) People on the right also support some spectacularly bad ideas, too, but usually they have to be (or appear to be) in their own best interests. Lacking the instinct for self-preservation is sort of the quintessentially defining characteristic of the unredeemably stupid lampooned on, e.g., YouTube ("Here, hold my beer" ... .)
"Never argue with an idiot: first they take you down to their level, then they beat you with experience" - G. Carlin
-------------------------------
Enjoy your weekend, everyone! http://youtu.be/hB669XXjnUg
I thought that was "Never argue with an idiot, first they drag you down to their level, and then they beat you with experience."
OOOPS - TWD beat me to it! Sorry!
That's a knock off from Mark Twain's quote which he borrowed from the book of Proverbs.
Give the Dr. a break. This is his thing. He's likely never been in a real fight, so he gets liquored up in his trailer and comes in here acting tough. It's apparently all he has. He's obviously not all that bright. Humor him and he'll pass out before too long. Everyone else seems to! Humor him, that is.
He would eat your lunch on most topics.
It's nice you have someone to look up to, but do you always set the bar so low? I've seen his postings in here daily, like he's got nothing else to do. And virtually all of them were complete nonsense. He's eating something alright, and so are you.
I would never presume to know anything about the lifestyle of somebody I never met. I may come home to my trailer and get liquored up or maybe just maybe , I might come home to my four bedroom house, my beautiful wife and my three amazing children. Whatever my lifestyle is you don't know,( probably for the best since you seem like a mean person)but you show your colossal ignorance and lack of intellect by presuming you do.
This is not your beautiful house... & this is not your beautiful wife...
~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIJNQLI6KwY
Man that brings back some memories .... I think ......(that's not quite the way I remember that song ;->) but that was a long time ago and I spent a lot of those days high.
That was funny.
bullshit. youre always bashing the left cocksucker.
Wow your vocabulary and name calling skills are extraordinary! Did you have to go to college for four years or eight years to develop your mastery of the English language?
no just two turd burgalar.
Must have been a community college.
well remember what site your on and roll with the punches softy. It friday and im still at work getting paid to tease the sensitive righty tighties.
It's by far my favorite site on the web, and I do enjoy a good fight. I prefer that it doesn't get reduced to name calling, but it's no sweat off my back if other people do. I've got a pretty thick skin. Anyway don't work too hard.
lol...notice he didn't say Koch sucker...clearly an educated man ;-)
your snivelry is charming nmewn
lol...another thing I find fascinating...who's bright idea ("progressives" being the smartest, most caring, emotionally balanced and sentient beings on the planet) was it to use teabagger as a term of derision?
Nicely done ;-)
I used to enjoy the gold trolls we had here but these thread jacking assclowns arent even any fun to bitch slap around.
Mostly I find them amusing in their hypocrisy.
Well the left is a sham / charade just like the right.... get a clue
This is typical of the left.
I know, I know. Why doesn't anyone ever bash the right cocksucker. I mean they just keep getting neglected. I guess that's why you have two cocksuckers though.
is this related to the sperm drinking cure brought up earlier? And what does all this have to do with olympic comedy? Must be open mike friday.
Troll( paid or unpaid )? Just thinking of changing careers and wondering how the benifit package is.
Dr Engali a "right wing idiot"? LOL...
You get the Douchebag Gold Medal for today.
anyone who equates the stupidity of the right with the left, yeah, as if they are equal, is without a doubt a self delusional right leaning retard. I have seen this guys comments for a good while, he is without a doubt one of the worst, least informed commentators on this site. Worst part psrt of that, like many delusional idiots, he has no clue.
...."like many delusional idiots, he has no clue." LOL look in the mirror it's you
suck a fat dick neo-con
While it is undeniably your right to be a drooling idiot, you abuse the privelege.
Might I recommend DKos, where intellects such as yours are the norm and not the four sigma low end outlier?
dude what are youstill doing on the computer? WWE smackdowns about to start?
This started as a humor posting. "Nazi" bomb any minute now.
Yeah, it morphed from Friday Humour to Friday Fight Night with considerable ease.
True. The fierce "seek help" or "dude, kill yerself" threats are probably forthcoming. Friday nights and weekends seem to be like that around here these days, as though the new trolls get to stay up late.
We must send for a better batch. This group is unsatisfying.
You're barely coherent.
What condition do you have again exactly? Palsy, dropsie, delerium tremons? A shrunken occipital lobe? Subdural hematoma?
Something.
Minimus peckirous??
and another radical litters.
they're not stupid, they're just simple. every principle has to be strung out to it's most extreme application in every circumstance.
it's like kant 's categorical imperitive
for stupid people
but there was a time that people were at least a little bit ahamed of being uneducated, ignorant, and a bit bias. Now these idiots wear these shortcomings as badges of honor.
As if they are pround to be a moron.
“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' ” - Isaac Asimov
but there was a time that people were at least a little bit ahamed of being uneducated, ignorant, and a bit bias. Now these idiots wear these shortcomings as badges of honor.
As if they are pround to be a moron.
LOL
Hahaha!! I thought exactly the same thing.
ROTFL!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgfA2b9YSag
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_JJLLfTR8I&feature=related
I'm afraid that the governed (the "entitled) out number the free this year at the polls nmewn.
I'm starting to think not...there is a rumbling I've never seen before.
The generational poor want to know why they are always kept poor. The connected are second guessing their real purpose, status & ultimate destination in life. The middle asks, in even more strident tones, why it is that they have to bear either of the two on their backs.
Its a beautiful thing, just as it should be.
OK.
I'll try to be hopefull again.
All that it would take for me to get really positive is the utterance of "fiscal responsibility" from some leaders in congress.
Take care.
Fiscal responsibility and taking a meat cleaver to some of the crap they've imposed on us for the last century.
I still say every new law proposed must come with a list of ten existing laws that must be repealed in order for the new one to even be considered.
Oh Jimmy, Shame on you.
Didn't your mother ever teach you to just smile and nod reassuringly when handicapped people fly into histrionics?
Intervention is only called for if they start to hurt themselves or others.
Derision only augments their confusion.
Please try harder to be a good example.
You forgot..."moron" should be plural, referring to "they"...
irony>spell check. LMAO
Aren't they? LOL...
It's odd to me that everybody who disagrees with liberals happens to be stupid. It's almost as though they believe themselves to be superior, and should therefore tell everybody else how to live their lives.
The ultimate triumph of liberal thought - the hate crime. They have made a thought crime, without any awareness of how funny that is.
you are to dumb to even understand the discussion. What part of live and let live dont you get? Last I checked its not the liberals trying to force ridiculous religions, dogma, and so forth onto other people.
Wait a second, it is a friday humor thread, so you're joking right?
Nice work. You had me fooled there, as I know any ZHer worth his salt wouldn't be so completely out of touch with reality.
Yes, live and let live. Along those lines, the folks you call 'righty'probably wish that thought applied to the fruits of their labor (but it isn't THEIR labor is it?). But i'm just arguing a moot point for them...
Ultimately i think most folks here at the ZH don't see it as right v left ...more like US vs THEM. And the "THEM" camp sure likes for "US" to fight about whether its a 'right or left' thing {think divide and conquer}. Allow me to recommend the Red pill...
“We are born into this time and must bravely follow the path to the destined end. There is no other way. Our duty is to hold on to the lost position, without hope, without rescue, like that Roman soldier whose bones were found in front of a door in Pompeii, who, during the eruption of Vesuvius, died at his post because they forgot to relieve him. That is greatness. That is what it means to be a thoroughbred. The honorable end is the one thing that can not be taken from a man.”
? Oswald Spengler, Man and Technics: A Contribution to a Philosophy of Life
I always give an up arrow for your avatar. Just sayin'.
You didn't tap that ass. The government did it for you.
It is "too" dumb. Public school paid off for you?
How does one go from "It's odd to me that everybody who disagrees with liberals happens to be stupid. It's almost as though they believe themselves to be superior, and should therefore tell everybody else how to live their lives." to "you are to dumb to even understand the discussion". Is it me, or does the contradiction really only emphasize the stupidity and total lack of intellectual sophistication of zippy the pinhead. aka crawldaddy?
Spot on.
What's this about Zippy and Pinheads?
Hahaha.
I was hoping you'd turn up at that one.
What's odd to me is "progessives" had two years to turn everything around...had the senate, the house and the presidency.
They were so fucking "smart" they passed "shovel ready jobs" debt bombs and the largest tax increase on the middle class we've ever had, subsidized moonshiners (ethanol), went into competition with slave labor (Solyndra) and broke out their really BIG pom poms for Dodd-Frank.
Think about that, Chris Dodd?...Bwaney Fwank?
Really?
A Friend of Angelo and a Friend of "Fannie" was going to stop the criminal element on Wall Street?!?!
(Mumbling, muttering, breaking shit)
c-daddy...conservatives aren't trying to force anything on anyone...conservatives resist change and cling to tradition, it's what defnes conservatives. Progressives are all about change...whether I agree with one side or the other is irrelevant but let me give you some examples: Conservatives want the definition of marriage to stay as it has always been, liberals want to change it to include same sex union...conservatives want the federal govenrment to go back to where it started and that is being much smaller with states haveing greater say in their destiny, liberals want to continue to grow (change) the government...conservatives want taxes to stay the same, not raise (change) them...consrvatives want the right to continue to practice their religous beliefs the way they have always practiced them, liberals want to reduce (change) those rghts...I would really enjoy if if you would point out examples of how and where conservatives are trying to force religion and dogma on others. Thanks.
"Last I checked its not the liberals trying to force ridiculous religions, dogma, and so forth onto other people."
When was the last time you checked, in the 1950's?
throughout history liberals are people trying to free themselves from centalized opression from conservaitve religious right types. Centralized governments are conservative as they want to keep the status quo. Liberals push to evolve soceiey. You either want things to stay the same(conserve) or change(liberate)
Historicaly conservatives have been the ones telling people how to lives thier lives thru the church
Not sure which is worse: the poor grasp of history; or, using the right "their" but still spelling it wrong.
It's all bad. Now if we want to discuss "classical liberalism," then many of the people here would fit into that category. Trolly above wants to use "liberalism" to mean that Uncle Sugar ought to take care of everything no matter how worthless your lazy ass is. This is not classical liberalism. It's "you didn't build that."
I am a libertarian and a classical liberal. Have at my ass, because I also believe in free speech, even for fucktards who have nothing better to do but write 100 messages on a Friday evening. (I have no life, too, but I'm with my kids watching "Born Free." I know...ironic.)
give this dweeb a sticker! sorry all of us cant get one of them high quality texas edjuamacations with sepcial selected history books like you grinder74
He didn't just spell "thier" wrong: Count them:
"centalized"
"opression"
"conservaitve"
"soceiy"
"historicaly"
"thru"
Now I feel dumber for having typed that out. I'm going to stop now. I suggest you stop calling people dumb, Silver. Your flawed logic, historical myopia, and loose grasp of the mechanics of the English language militate against a balanced discussion.
which means todays "liberals" aren't liberal at all.
+1
Todays "liberals" are not liberal at all. They are nanny state "progessives"...meaning a marxist/facsist blend.
Bloomberg is one...so is O'Barry.
How else does one desrcibe protect and expand the state first instead of the people?
dude, really? how can you even use that avitar with that attitude? you think all the succling welfare poor people in this counrty is why this country is an energy consuming empire that has to continualy grow and go to war or colapse? The power elite decide that. Stop putting blame of all the ills of the country on the libs.
Thats like me saying that all conservatives are lazy eyed bible thumpers who give your that fearful chimpanzee glare when you talk about technology and start beating on their bible hard and fast yelling woooh weooh wohh! Must stay same. No change! No change!
That would be rude.
Speaking of animal metaphors, you must have rhino-sized balls to equate others intellects with apes when your ability to spell, punctuate, and capitalize are on par with the best the third grade has to offer.
Koko the talking gorilla would look like Daniel Webster next to this guy.
Goddam kids must have left the ZH door open again.
Squirrels in the attic.
"how can you even use that avitar with that attitude?"
What does this avatar mean to you?
I can assure you it means exactly what it is supposed to mean to me.
In the words of Mad Max III - Beyond Thunderdome; "Not shit, energy!"
Avitar? Yours is shovelling your own shit. You've created for yourself your own feedback loop. Succling? It sullies my eyes it does.
Romney didn't say it with a comma after "brothers."
boy some stupid comments...wait, were these all CNBC commentators?
On Tuesday a Fox News bimbo was handed a kilo gold bar and she asked "how much does this weigh".
1 Trillion nano-grams!
L O fucking L
(thought baloon: betcha she was blonde, too)
Close to 10 Newtons?
Newtons are a measure of force. Ya know, when the creeping totalitarianism comes after you.
He got Newtoned.
Man that was some funny shit.
Curious thing though..my wife stopped kissing my balls once we got married.
I'd say that's a fairly common side effect of marriage.
And started busting them I bet.
Yeah, I know. She stopped kissing mine too...
Hey waaaaait....
Are we talkin' about the same woman, Mrs. Whazzername?
Lol I hope she stopped kissing yours, I wouldn't want you having any unfair advantage.
I was always told it wasn't the balls but the size of the racquet that counted. I was told to avoid tennis and try handball...
+1
"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
NO WONDER Rumel had a boner! http://www.entertainmentwise.com/news/84364/Photo-Henrik-Rumel-Really-Happy-With-Bronze-US-Rower-Gets-Erection-During-Medal-Ceremony
This is a case where being able to post a photo would come in real handy, though I understand why that can't be allowed.