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Friday Humor: Olympics Edition
Sometimes, some things are best left unsaid:
- Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
- Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
- Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
- Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
- Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
- At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
- Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
- Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"
And finally, Obama calls Phelps:
"Congratulations Michael, but remember you didn't win all those medals, someone else did. After all, you swam in public pools, built by state employees using tax dollars. You got training from the USOC, and ate food grown by the Department of Agriculture. You should play fair and share your medals with the people who can barely keep their head above water, let alone swim."
h/t George
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"terrifying trouser python" LMFAO!
Yeah, if it is that big soft, well no wonder all the photos on the net of his girlfriend show her smiling.
Of course no one checks SNOPES. This is ancient stuff that circulated at the 2004 Olypics and was even old then.
Obama isn't president someone else is.
duidelijk. maar wie? michelle?
Someone else one that election.
An amazing snatch from Bulgaria?
The "you didn't do that" jokes have never been funny, since they were based on an out-of-context quote of Obama. If he had actually meant it the way he's being quoted, all these jokes would actually be funny. But spreading a meme based on an intentional misrepresentation of fact is the sign the Republicans really have nothing on Obama and are going to lose the election. Keep hammering on the birther stuff and the misquotes and all you're going to do is get him reelected.
you didn't write that.
Hahaha!
What do you expect from a guy with an avatar that looks like Sisyphus pushing a dollar up a hill?
birther stuff and mosquitos?
Taken out of context?
That's the fucking problem, context.
Context my ass, try for coherence.
Jesus...
(widely viewed as the worst administration in history and somebody is debating fucking context)
While I agree it's a bit played out, not taking the election seriously is the only way to remain sane and rational.
Which miss quote are you worried about?
The one where he promises to close down GITMO?
More transparency in government?
Balancing the budget?
Adding or saving jobs?
etc..
edit: My personal favorite is an asshole who ran on peace, and received a Nobel peace prize, has perpetuated more war, and about to start a war with Iran, if not on the road to a civil war within his own country. Where are all you doushey libs when innocent young men are being killed in foreign countries on Obama's watch. Don't care now because your union retirement accounts are under threat.
Personally I hope the bum gets reelected. BTW you are a moron!
See? There you go. Real issues. He's a liar. He's a crook. But whether or not he was born in America, no one seems to give a shit including 99.9% of establishment Republicans INCLUDING Romney... and the "you didn't build your business" thing is like being angry at Eugene McCarthy for farting in an elevator.
fu...wh.....What........in the fuck are you talking about?
Thank you... I was at a loss for words there for a moment...
Actually, Obama not being born in America is a big fucking deal. He wasn't. Romney is a piece of shit because he is a progressive, ass kissing, flip flopper who will suck anyones dick as long as they are giving him money.
Anger is a matter of perspective. You have to care in order to be angry. I will only care when the NWO comes knocking on my door to collect my guns and ammo. Unfortunately I lost everything else in a boating accident.
edit: Now quit replying to me. You are harshing my buzzzzzzz!
"You have to care in order to be angry."
Soylent,
Amen.
When I was soldiering for the 101st in Vietnam, we mistrusted every SOB who didn't give a rat's ass. If he didn't care whether he lived or died, then he did not care if he fucked up and killed us all. Sometimes, you got to be very angry in order to motivate the SOB to do what he has got to do for all of us to survive.
And that is precisely the mission here at ZH. Collectively survival through conscious awareness and preparing appropriately.
Mr. MDARGF you are living in a fairy land. People in the U.S. don't understand what it means to be free and unencumbered from the federal government. The mission of ZH is to provide a multitude of information, and the reader to make an honest and non-biased judgment on the world around them.
Why do we have to be separated in order to be equal? God never intended that.
Survival only goes as far the individuals willing to protect the group. If the dominate group is the State then the righteous will fade into obscurity.
I assume you followed orders in Vietnam: slaughtered innocent civilians, burnt down villages, tortured, maimed, desecrated corpses, dumped Agent Orange, etc. You're such a good little donkey. I'm glad to know I can trust you to do the right thing and care about AmuhriKKKa. You probably thought people like Hugh Thompson, Jr. were real assholes.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Thompson,_Jr.
He's not sucking dick for money. It's to get rid of the morning sickness.
>he is a progressive, ass kissing, flip flopper who will suck anyones dick as long as they are giving him money.
So... what is your point?
THAT one was McCarthy?
there is nothing more whiny than listening to a conservative bitch about the ills of the country when a democrat is in office. Asisde from the fact that most of what you are bitching about is completely out of the control of any induvidual president. You live in an empre controlled by elites. They want war we go to war. Soldiers die in war they are not innocents they sign up for battle. Organized labor is what created the middle class in this country.
If we had Mcain right now instead of Obama right now we would be nowere diffent.
Just wait till a "conservative" aka neo-con-zombie-hitlerite is in office....
They'll get identical raft of well deserved shit.
Now go watch Dr. Who, Battlestar Galactica or something else educational
And no, your higher power will not help you.
He's indifferent
It's true. The only thing McCain might've done different is fought harder to end torture, because he's actually been tortured. So in a way, he's more Left-Wing than Obama.
Watch Romney get elected and the first thing he does is raise taxes on you little curmudgeons.
hey lost wages...i totally agree. you didnt really work that hard in life to deserve the lifestyle you have right now. other people did all the work. hell lets just have all the illegals come into the country and give them your job since you didnt really work at it.
Butthurt much?
"Keep hammering on the birther stuff and the misquotes and all you're going to do is get him reelected."
we'll take our chances since you seem to think one over the other will make a difference, some of us are convinced it don't matter either way, heads they win, tails you lose. It does seem that eveyone I know who actually visits the post office with a quarterly filing to the IRS thinks much different then the ones who visit the post office every month to pick up a government check and hangs out at Walmart around midnight on the last day of the month waiting for JP Morgan to reload their SNAP card.
"BBBBBBBBBBB BAM!"
Well said.
OUCH!
I felt that one all the way over here. That's gonna leave a mark.
Troll....only demoncrat operatives use the term "meme"......
Back to troll school for you!
"based on an intentional misrepresentation"
You mean he intentionally misrepresented himself? That's a bold move. I've seen the whole speech he gave with the "you didn't build that" quote, and he meant it. No context needed. Oh, and he doesn't need you to have his back because he doesn't give a shit about you or anyone else but himself. It's always hardest to see the things that are right in front of you. It's okay if you voted for him the first time, but you don't have to vote for him again out of sheer stubbornness.
big bad bama is honest. he sees the world thru his experiences. he didn't pay for his college. he didn't deserve his first job. he did nothing to win a noble prize. he knows his constituents didn't work to get snap cards and section 8. figures the rest of us are the same.
LOL. Another spoiled white guy complaining about poor dark people getting an equal education. I know you are in favor of social darwinism and eugenics, but that is so early 20th century.
dark people? this idiot, big bad bama is as white as he is black, and the white part of his family could have easily paid for his education and let the money be spent on people that needed the help. i hope you see this, even if it is a week later. and spoiled, me? yeah. i spoiled myself because i started paying my father mortgage when i was 15, because he had no work, and i did.
anyway, i'm happy for the darkies. they have lebron and bama and some comedians, so it makes them all feel better, you see, because you can make it if you try.
get it?
probably not.
It's hilarious that you think any of us are Republicans.
Million Dollar Bonus Manifesto !
You could have stopped after #1 one, in my opinion! ROFL
Thanks ZH. I needed that.
Yes, that really was Friday humour. Also from Wimbledon this year; Andy Murray smacked a 90mph shot at Rodger Federer's ball sack during Wimbledon, Federer was writhing around the court in agony with veins popping out of his temples and his tongue between his teeth...and right on cue the ball boy shouts, yes you probably guessed, "new balls".
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Ya'll are a bunch of preverts;)
The Romanians took gold, silver, bronze and lead off the stadium roof.
Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
Someone should have replied:
"This is really a lovely horse and I also speak from personal experience since I was once mounted by her father."
FARTBONGO
Thank you, thank you, all gems.
My favorite:
Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"
LOL
Most Men would do better at anything if they got that treatment every morning.
I would slay dragons for a Woman like that.
There are a few "Dragon Ladies" in waiting, the kind that will kill for a shot at a compliant lap dog as you.
He he he.
My wife does that...
Unfortunately, she puts them back in her purse when she's done.
(rimshot)
BiTcHeZ!
waterpolo is a great sport played by Italian, Serbs, Montenegrans, Croats and the inevitable Magyars. The real game is to neutralise the balls under water by kicking and scratching them to mashed potatoes. It makes the subsequent goal scoring ABOVE water much easier. You know which countries work best below the water line and also below the belt!
"That appeals to certain people who like that sort of thing."
Once, when I was bartending one evening, two guys came in and ordered a couple bottles of beer. I set them in front of them, and within moments, one of the men tipped his over while reaching across to his buddy for whatever reason. I grabbed it before it tipped over completely. As fate would have it, there was a break in the music and a lull fell over the room just as the guy said, "WHOA, NICE SNATCH!!!" Beer shot out his friend's nose, and the barroom erupted in laughter. Boy, was his face red.
In a local tavern, the barmaids have a curious habit of collecting quarters for the jukebox when the music stops.
The buxom pride of said establishment asked me what I would like to hear.
My prompt reply was "The sound of my belt buckle hitting your bedroom floor".
It was good for a laugh...only.
Hope Solo was seen walking in the park with the Bolt. Rumor has it he met Faith and Charity in her company. In fact he dumped them for the Swedish female handball team. There were five swedish maidens so it was obvious the Bolt liked to drown by numbers in Walkyrie honey. Hope will be watering her lawn in the nude once again this week end.
Hope Solo Poses Nude (NSFW) [PIC]
Usain Bolt celebrates 100m gold with Swedish women's handball team - Telegraph
You missed this line by Dame Kelly Holmes talking of athletics semi-finals just as the camera showed the female athlete bending over between 2 guys:
"Laura gets the harder semi"
.....It tickled me at the time.
chucklefest :))
the funniest thing is the London Olympics logo, it looks like litter/trash
Friday night, JA DOUBLE Z
http://www.myspace.com/video/emilio/cantaloupe-island-hubbard-henderson-hancock-carter-williams/108483659
I almost forgot!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpY54NOYZJ0
This is adult music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxp6xU54EXQ
Some more Olympics stuff thats being kept out of the news....
"Africa Village", A Hospitality Centre set up for 53 African nations to promote themselves and their countries to Olympic visitors and as a platform for a future Olympic bid costing $3.75 million which was donated by British Authorities and French investors never opened. None of the organisers turned up on the opening day, none of the bills were paid, and the money has gone!
Meanwhile, the 7 missing Cameroon athletes remain to be found and local rumours suggest more athletes have disappeared including 4 from other African nations and one Chinese competitor.
Is a Cameroon like an octoroon or a quadroon ?
Steve Miller Band: "Ooh ooh. Take the money and run."
Since Rafalca lost, is Romney going to shoot it and sell it to McDonalds as Premium Beef?
that was some funny shit
finally, Obama calls Phelps:"Congratulations Michael, but remember you didn't win all those medals, someone else did. After all, you swam in public pools, built by......"
So this is what passes for 'humor' on 'ZH' is it? Oh dear. Oh well, sigh.....as you insist........
'Yes, very funny Mr Durden. Very good. Just remember that YOU didn't pervert language for dishonest purposes, some cheap politician did. It wasn't YOU who tried to make black into white and brown into black and brown into invisible. No. A weird race baiting politician with no name and no past did. It wasn't YOU who tried to make 1+1 =3 or 'yours' become 'ours' or abnormal become the new legally enforced new-normal. The degenerate PC establishment did. It wasn't YOU who attempt to lampoon an almost insane political slogan. No. Fields and meadows did. Now give me your money. Please.
ZeroHedge is now stooping to publishing old Internet chain emails.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/olympics.asp
Who cares? It was funny. That's why they call it Friday humor.
The Friday humor part is what trips them up.
After all, if it's electronic, it has to be true.
We probably need a new law to protect the overly earnest types from embarrassing themselves.
To vicious Socialists .... famous athletes are treated as the productive sector has always been treated .... with envy and suspicion and contempt ! Let's build a Utopia based on the time honored foundation of theft .... with theft as the motor of all human intercourse .... who needs a Constitution ? ROTFL MAO TSE TUNGSTEN
Tennis commentator one is my favorite: ". . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"
https://miningstockvaluator.com/
http://vimeo.com/channels/248614
The avg. couple has 2 children in the U.S. "now days", so that guarantees the Father 18 months (9*2=18) of hummers. If they marry for 7-8 years, (National avg.) for 1st marriages in U.S., then he's batting a better avg. than most "Hedge Funds" ;-)
You know you were the only one doing the math there right?
Dear Gulley Foyle:
If you are still here.
I've an IQ of 143 and I have a special needs child who thrives in the Special Olympics. And....I am convinced after reading your comments here that he is much more intelligent than you. I love him and am proud of him. You on the otherhand I'm sure are quite the embarassment to whoever owns you.
+ 100 for boberts' son!
Thank you kindly!
I get a little reactive when people mock the mentally disabled.
It's always been an issue with me even prior to my son's birth.
My reaction was too strong.
I need to work on this.
Thanks again though.
You, with such a deficient intelligence quotient, being so fucking ignorant, are lucky to own such a wonderful child. Congratulations to you and your special needs (child). Also, hooray for the special olympics. It makes me feel very special to have heard from you.
Who is Gulley Foyle? I'm extremely " retarded"! Is that the shit you use to make Aluminum Helmets?
An IQ of 143? You should go to work for the SNB "Swiss National Bank" and protect the eur/chf peg!
The Olymipics is sham. I don't watch it. Too corporate, too political. And too much money. Plus, professionals should not be allowed to compete.
And, the Olymipics bankrupts most countries. All in all a very stupid event. And not something any country needs, especially the UK.
Let us see Phelps run against Bolt or compete against women in high jump? It's relative! How many swimmers could afford hyperbaric rooms to sleep in? Brazilians swimmers train with kids in public pools? Most people in this world probably have never even seen an Olympic size pool!
Americans are the most non athletic nation in the world despite exponentially outspending everyone else.
USA Pop 303 medals 94
Top EU countries Pop 322 medals 182
Russia Pop 140 medals 57
If Mitt build anything, he would've shipped it to China or Cayman Islands, mounted a dancing pony and then taken $77k tax deduction.
There ya go...
If Phelps was all that, he wouldn't even get in the pool...
He'd just walk across it.
What a faker.
Yeah, CIA Obama-- You would have not become president unless you would have not prostrated yourself and sucked a lot of faggot cocks at the grove! Ha. Ha. If you want to be successful you have to kiss ass, you couldn’t possibly do it on your own! Ha. Ha.
Test match special, Radio 4: "the batsman's Holding the bowler's Willey"
Test match special, Radio 4: "the batsman's Holding the bowler's Willey"