This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Friday Humor Part 2 - TBTRIMJOB

Tyler Durden's picture





 

In a day when many could do with some cheering up, here is some bonus humor courtesy of some truly delightful headline editing at Reuters.

Which begs the question: Is there such a thing as a RIM Job which is just too big, and, on a serious note, will Canada step in and bail out the troubled electronics company?

 


- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:49 | Link to Comment SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

Rim jobs feel good.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:03 | Link to Comment 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

The secret service is being disbanded?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:23 | Link to Comment mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

 

 

OT - No faceplant posts on ZH the entire day.  d

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:24 | Link to Comment Major Major Major
Major Major Major's picture

Down 6.66%

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:31 | Link to Comment Mark Carney
Mark Carney's picture

will Canada step in and bail out the troubled electronics company?

 

Step back!!!

 

I gotz this

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:48 | Link to Comment Manthong
Manthong's picture

Well, if you were good at your RIM job, you could always apply to be a Sachs worker.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:17 | Link to Comment AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

Top worst names for websites

 

 

Work Safe Rim job image:

http://x77.xanga.com/26ee120430435274381818/w218735465.jpg

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:00 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

RIM is also an acronym for Records and Information Management. We've got a lady in her late 50's here at work who writes articles for our employee newsletter on managing records.

Not one, but two articles so far have used this phrase. I keep debating on whether or not to tell her, or just keep enjoying the articles.

Oh, and expertsexchange is about the worst damn help site on the web. I've got it black-listed in my google search results, as it's always at the top.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 20:20 | Link to Comment jez
jez's picture

I suppose it might be an urban legend, but there is a story that when British electricity company Powergen set up an Italian subsidiary, it named that subsidiary Powergen Italia. The website was www.powergenitalia

If it isn't true, it ought to be.

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 04:28 | Link to Comment zhandax
zhandax's picture

Or, appropriately, "Se non è vero, è ben trovato"

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:32 | Link to Comment CCanuck
CCanuck's picture

You have to go through intensive tainting to move from Rimm to Sachs.

Edit: ohh....I meant intensive training

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 10:58 | Link to Comment Marginal Call
Marginal Call's picture

The new model phone is called the dingleberry.  No manuel included. 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:49 | Link to Comment ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

Just remember this rule when it comes to RIM JOBS:

If you've been married longer than 4 or 5 years, ask your girlfriend, not your wife.  Odds of getting a job go up dramatically with that method.....

If you're not married and just dating, well, most of the time you don't even have to ask.........you'll get a job regardless; but remember it's in anticipation of getting married someday.........

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:33 | Link to Comment nodhannum
nodhannum's picture

Oh, so that is why the bride is always smiling...she knows that the RIM Jobs are almost over.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:41 | Link to Comment hedgehog9999
hedgehog9999's picture

JUst like NORTEL right?

Problem with Canadian companies is success goes to their head, and they forget there are too many smart people with a lot of dough and resources out there; APPLE comes to mind and CISCO and JUNIPER and all the others that sealed Nortel's death knell...

RIM's the same, for a long time they said, the corporate market wil keep us going, and while they do offer value for some secure minded corporations and governments, they will become a niche player and be absorbed by someone else just like Tandem Computers and many other successful niche players who hoped to one day conquer the word as they were full of it!!!!!  success got to their heads and they got swalllowed up whole not unlike some other lttle fish in the ocean!!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 22:37 | Link to Comment palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Mark, you are at Bilderberg today for a reason.  This can wait.

Focus!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:49 | Link to Comment metastar
metastar's picture

At least the TSA can grab these guys real cheap.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:28 | Link to Comment ugmug
ugmug's picture

6000 RIM jobs- a precursor to a gay wedding invitation.....

 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:47 | Link to Comment hedgehog9999
hedgehog9999's picture

as in got RIMMED ? or what do you mean?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:03 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Hey now! It could happen at a hetero wedding too.

After all, would it really be any worse than the Duck Dance?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:05 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Damnit, now I can't get that song outta my head!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 20:55 | Link to Comment New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

+ earworm

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:42 | Link to Comment Agent P
Agent P's picture

"Rim jobs feel good."

On the (w)hole, I'd say you're correct.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:03 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

*rimshot*

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:49 | Link to Comment Michael
Michael's picture

See something say something.

Sheriff Stan Barry of Fairfax County Virgina would become the most famous Sheriff in America overnight if he would take his forces to the Westfields Marriott and investigate criminal activity there.

Call Fairfax County Virgina Sheriff's office and report criminal activity at the Builderberg meeting.

Multiple violations of federal law are taking place there, specifically of the Logan Act.

Sedition and treason are being perpetrated by elected government officials, one namely Senator John Kerry at attendance plotting criminal activity against the USA.

Call Sheriff Stan Barry, demand he do his duty and arrest those Federal government officials for violating US Law!

http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/sheriff/contactus.htm

This is also criminal activity perpetrated by the Builderberg people.

Bilderberg Members Discuss Killing Ron Paul

http://www.infowars.com/insider-bilderberg-members-share-ron-paul-death-wish/

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:10 | Link to Comment theTribster
theTribster's picture

R u going? I was thinking about it as I'm only a couple hours north (in Philly area) and have an RV to go down there with. Would like to see Alex and the rest of the InfoWars team. I'd also like to see 10s of thousands of people show up and create complete havoc - I think it ends officially tomorrow eod. I sent an email via the contactus link you provided above - thanks for doing this. +1

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:31 | Link to Comment Fred C Dobbs
Fred C Dobbs's picture

Please go!  I would if I were that close.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:51 | Link to Comment xtop23
xtop23's picture

Sexy is a feather.

Perverted is the entire chicken.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:35 | Link to Comment BigJim
BigJim's picture

Unless you're a chicken, too.

Then just a 'feather' is damn creepy.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:51 | Link to Comment urbanelf
urbanelf's picture

Maybe they can find work at Tender Greens tossing salad.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:51 | Link to Comment CommunityStandard
CommunityStandard's picture

This is amazing.

Oh, and some jobs are just TOO big to rim.  Welcome to obese America.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:52 | Link to Comment Shock and Aweful
Shock and Aweful's picture

it's Bilderberg...not "Builderberg"...

 

Just sayin...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:04 | Link to Comment Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Freudian slip, Bob the Builder is the lead of this conspiracy.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:10 | Link to Comment Texas Ginslinger
Texas Ginslinger's picture

you mean Friday-ian slip...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:54 | Link to Comment metastar
metastar's picture

Actually I believe it's spelled "Destructerberg"

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:51 | Link to Comment Martin Silenus
Martin Silenus's picture

Can't stop the bleeding!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:53 | Link to Comment Beevreetr
Beevreetr's picture

SOLD !!! !!! SOLD !!! !!! SOLD !!!!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:55 | Link to Comment Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

something is defiantely cumming soon !!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:56 | Link to Comment columbo
columbo's picture

Better than 6000 tossed salads

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:57 | Link to Comment cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Oh how ever will Congress manage without their 600 rim jobs?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:58 | Link to Comment lsbumblebee
lsbumblebee's picture

Blackberry rim jobs at that. hacka-phoeey!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:08 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Whiteberries are bad enough, but black ones? That's just nasty.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:59 | Link to Comment Bastiat009
Bastiat009's picture

Trust me, it is no unfortunate editing. It is completely and totally on purpose. Most journalists dream of being able to pull that through. 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:40 | Link to Comment pods
pods's picture

Almost like splicing in a peter shot into the end of a movie eh?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:10 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Double entendre street cred, FTW!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:58 | Link to Comment Floordawg
Floordawg's picture

Ha! That is fucking great... the naivety of the MSM will never cease to amaze.

Thanks for sharing, that gem and some Scotch will do wonders.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:01 | Link to Comment LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

roflmao!

oh stop with the rim job jokes!

then the chicken joke above.

 

thank you.

thank you.

thank you.

 

i try my best to bring humor and fun to this dark time, but thank you all so much for being so fun also.

as we all learn in "ivory towers". f u n ::: is unbelivable nightmare.

this is a nightmare.  but there is one thing.  paper and its ties burn.

 

and from Joe Kidd: "You see ...  about those records.....  there was a fire."

 

bless

you

all

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:38 | Link to Comment slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

...i was almost cheered up too...

...even tho tyler was not able to stifle the canadian bailout line...

...and invited more pre-dictionz...

...like tiny bubbles...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:03 | Link to Comment azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Wonder if MDB is dollar cost averaging this one?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:02 | Link to Comment nomorebuyins
nomorebuyins's picture

Check out Rimm's new dingleberry line.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:03 | Link to Comment adr
adr's picture

I'm wating for the 3PM rumor. Fecebook had a nice $.78 pop right after 2:00 but it looks like the 10% jump like yesterday got cut short, but we'll have to wait a few minutes to see if the full retard market bids it up once again.

Can a freak storm please hit the Bildeberg meeting, please.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:10 | Link to Comment catacl1sm
catacl1sm's picture

There is a Severe Thunderstorm Warning and Tornado Warning in that area right now.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:13 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Time to call in the reinforcements.

Prayer Assault!

http://gifcrap.com/v/TV/Prayer+assault.gif.html

Since we're all out of ZIRPs, can a brother get an amen?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:05 | Link to Comment repete
repete's picture

Laid off?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:09 | Link to Comment xtop23
xtop23's picture

Unexpectedly downsized

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:30 | Link to Comment Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

that's what "she" said.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:09 | Link to Comment ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture
How bad are things for D'oh-prah? All these poor women outta work and she's still circling the drain. Just like her heroes, Mr. Owebombya and Michelle The Vacation Queen.... 766,000 More Women Unemployed Today Than When Obama Took Office
Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:09 | Link to Comment Appleseed
Appleseed's picture

Go long on rim jobs!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:20 | Link to Comment bdc63
bdc63's picture

I'm going long just reading about RIM jobs ....

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:10 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

HORSE WITH HUMAN FACE

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:10 | Link to Comment ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Anyone seen Larry Summers lately?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:31 | Link to Comment Rainman
Rainman's picture

saw him up the horse's ass

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:36 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Careful what you ask

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:00 | Link to Comment DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

Draw baby, draw!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:12 | Link to Comment Canuckistan Al
Canuckistan Al's picture

He's at the Bilderberger confab pouring gasoline on the fire.

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 01:07 | Link to Comment Prometheus418
Prometheus418's picture

Vocabulary of a Harvard PhD?  That's amazing, he can say "Fuck those muppets- print it," "Blow," and "Hookers" too?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:18 | Link to Comment mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

 

 

What's the hourly rate for the service provider in the photo?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:13 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

If you have to ask...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 22:54 | Link to Comment Acorn10012
Acorn10012's picture

She's looking for Mr Goldfinger.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:22 | Link to Comment Falkor
Falkor's picture

Anybody observed the photo depicts "Lack Berry" :) :)

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:26 | Link to Comment Overfed
Overfed's picture

Just sayin' rimjob makes me feel dirty. :-)

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:26 | Link to Comment midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

headline: 6000 rim jobs out the poop chute

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:27 | Link to Comment Father Lucifer
Father Lucifer's picture

RYIRX = I need no cheering up, but thanks anyway.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:30 | Link to Comment ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Nanny Bloomberg today:

"New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg offered a full-throated defense of his proposed ban on large-size sugary sodas on Friday, calling criticism of the proposal "ridiculous" and saying his city is again leading the way in taking on critical health issues."

Yes, he said that with a straight face. Because, you see, he's Very Serious about health in NYC. No Big Gulp for you fatty!

This from the same insane prick who's helped let the Heroes of 9/11 die sick & penniless due to air they breathed trying to clean up after Larry Silverstein's latest foray into Insurance Fraud.

No double standard there, eh Mikey? P-I-G.

 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:38 | Link to Comment Stares straight...
Stares straight ahead's picture

6000 RIM jobs lost?!   This really chafes my ass!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:57 | Link to Comment Sabibaby
Sabibaby's picture

Wipe first next time, maybe with some aloe and witch hazle. I guess people have been using apple's to get the job done too.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:15 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I LOLed.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:33 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Does this mean IBM will start building computers again instead of the People's Liberation Army?

Will Brother typewriters start rolling off the line again?

Will Apple start aligning with reality and have unemployed college students make iPhone's in Cupertino?

Only 6,000 jobs?  Add those to HP's -27,000 jobs and it's only 33,000 - according to the B.L.S. and economists a statistical error range or meaningless as far as "people" are concerned.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:37 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

Nortel didn't get bailed out, so I doubt RIM will. I bet Canada only bailed out GM due to threats from America.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:15 | Link to Comment Canuckistan Al
Canuckistan Al's picture

No union jobs to be blackmailed into saving at RIM....so no, our govt won't act.

And for a change their inaction will be the correct action plan (even if only by accident).

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 01:15 | Link to Comment Prometheus418
Prometheus418's picture

You're forgetting that RIM is a government contractor.  While that could change, I'd bet they're going to be around for a while yet.  Government is slow to change.  

That does not mean you should invest in them, of course.  While I like my Blackberry well enough, they've lost a lot of their market share already, and that doesn't look like it's about to get better in the near future.  I could easily see them as a gov't-owned GM-type entity or a small remnant focused on encypted communication for politicos, though.  Lots of companies drag on for years after they should have died because they got their hooks into the pork barrel.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:56 | Link to Comment Rastamon
Rastamon's picture

 

 

 

if there's ANYONE who would willingly and voluntarily step up for 6,000 RIM jobs..... it's a rightwinger. PM Harper would kill to be first in line (because that's when the flavor is the best)......mmmm TASTY!

 

libertarians can have sloppy seconds

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:56 | Link to Comment Likstane
Likstane's picture

This blackberry crevise bomb is gonna be messy until the streaming runoff from this expulsion of cellular leftovers is rehypothecated into a greasy paste.   After it dries up, at least then it will be easier to pick away at the remaining bits of valuble assets. 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:57 | Link to Comment Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Why would I need cheering up?

Just because I'm unemployed during the worst time to look for jobs in three years?

I'm eating chocolate ice cream as we speak, so I am doing quite fine, thank you.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:57 | Link to Comment EverythingFubar
EverythingFubar's picture

Poor arseholes

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:05 | Link to Comment Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

Rim job = Tongue-in-cheek?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:12 | Link to Comment shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Dammit.

Beat me to it.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:16 | Link to Comment Canuckistan Al
Canuckistan Al's picture

Well they do call them CRACKberries for a reason..................

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:34 | Link to Comment Alex Kintner
Alex Kintner's picture

Release the Krakenberries!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:08 | Link to Comment skbull44
skbull44's picture

Federal Finance Minister says no bailout to RIM (http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/05/31/rim-bailout-jim-flaherty_n_15599...)....alternate plan (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) will be to... hire JPMorgan and RBC because THAT will fix things!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:08 | Link to Comment Animal Cracker
Animal Cracker's picture

Pfft...I thought this would be a story about Ted Haggard evangelizing on the Metro.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:12 | Link to Comment Your Creator
Your Creator's picture

New jobs opening up in sphincter massage.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:30 | Link to Comment Alex Kintner
Alex Kintner's picture

This joke is in bad taste. No really, it tastes bad.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:44 | Link to Comment kahunabear
kahunabear's picture

Oof!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:45 | Link to Comment toady
toady's picture

Rim jobs, tea baggers, tossed salad?

You people are a bunch of freaks!

Cere, find me a date tonight...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:08 | Link to Comment So Sue Me
So Sue Me's picture

I prefer jelly . . .

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 18:38 | Link to Comment Dr_Lucid
Dr_Lucid's picture

I love how they have a woman in the picture with long hair. Maybe Italian? But serious foreign chicks are fine with this and so are right wing conservative Catho-lick women who will do anything to avoid intercourse.

Jewish girls won't do it prior to getting married but if anyone has experience that differs let me know.

But to the point, wasn't there an XRAY picture floating aroung the web a few years ago where someone indeed had placed a blackberry up their ass? Maybe that is the true Rim job? Maybe all along RIM was like some PETA star trying to save the lives of gerbils once fuzzy weasel at a time?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:42 | Link to Comment gwar5
gwar5's picture

Careful, don't give out the location of said rim jobs, people might misread the headline and start lining up.

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 01:14 | Link to Comment Lord Koos
Lord Koos's picture

I thought Madonna had already retired.

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 07:20 | Link to Comment chump666
chump666's picture

hahahaha f*ck yes

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 10:38 | Link to Comment Implicit simplicit
Implicit simplicit's picture

It sounds like a shitty job anyway. I say that tongue in cheek

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 11:06 | Link to Comment string
string's picture

Groan and groan.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!