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Friday Humor Part 2 - TBTRIMJOB

Tyler Durden's picture




 

In a day when many could do with some cheering up, here is some bonus humor courtesy of some truly delightful headline editing at Reuters.

Which begs the question: Is there such a thing as a RIM Job which is just too big, and, on a serious note, will Canada step in and bail out the troubled electronics company?

 

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Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:49 | 2485329 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

Rim jobs feel good.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:03 | 2485416 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

The secret service is being disbanded?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:23 | 2485484 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

 

 

OT - No faceplant posts on ZH the entire day.  d

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:24 | 2485489 Major Major Major
Major Major Major's picture

Down 6.66%

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:31 | 2485520 Mark Carney
Mark Carney's picture

will Canada step in and bail out the troubled electronics company?

 

Step back!!!

 

I gotz this

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:48 | 2485610 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Well, if you were good at your RIM job, you could always apply to be a Sachs worker.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:17 | 2486022 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

Top worst names for websites

 

 

Work Safe Rim job image:

http://x77.xanga.com/26ee120430435274381818/w218735465.jpg

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:00 | 2486275 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

RIM is also an acronym for Records and Information Management. We've got a lady in her late 50's here at work who writes articles for our employee newsletter on managing records.

Not one, but two articles so far have used this phrase. I keep debating on whether or not to tell her, or just keep enjoying the articles.

Oh, and expertsexchange is about the worst damn help site on the web. I've got it black-listed in my google search results, as it's always at the top.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 20:20 | 2486456 jez
jez's picture

I suppose it might be an urban legend, but there is a story that when British electricity company Powergen set up an Italian subsidiary, it named that subsidiary Powergen Italia. The website was www.powergenitalia

If it isn't true, it ought to be.

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 04:28 | 2486951 zhandax
zhandax's picture

Or, appropriately, "Se non è vero, è ben trovato"

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:32 | 2486082 CCanuck
CCanuck's picture

You have to go through intensive tainting to move from Rimm to Sachs.

Edit: ohh....I meant intensive training

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 10:58 | 2487160 Marginal Call
Marginal Call's picture

The new model phone is called the dingleberry.  No manuel included. 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:49 | 2485613 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

Just remember this rule when it comes to RIM JOBS:

If you've been married longer than 4 or 5 years, ask your girlfriend, not your wife.  Odds of getting a job go up dramatically with that method.....

If you're not married and just dating, well, most of the time you don't even have to ask.........you'll get a job regardless; but remember it's in anticipation of getting married someday.........

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:33 | 2485822 nodhannum
nodhannum's picture

Oh, so that is why the bride is always smiling...she knows that the RIM Jobs are almost over.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:41 | 2486097 hedgehog9999
hedgehog9999's picture

JUst like NORTEL right?

Problem with Canadian companies is success goes to their head, and they forget there are too many smart people with a lot of dough and resources out there; APPLE comes to mind and CISCO and JUNIPER and all the others that sealed Nortel's death knell...

RIM's the same, for a long time they said, the corporate market wil keep us going, and while they do offer value for some secure minded corporations and governments, they will become a niche player and be absorbed by someone else just like Tandem Computers and many other successful niche players who hoped to one day conquer the word as they were full of it!!!!!  success got to their heads and they got swalllowed up whole not unlike some other lttle fish in the ocean!!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 22:37 | 2486664 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Mark, you are at Bilderberg today for a reason.  This can wait.

Focus!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:49 | 2485617 metastar
metastar's picture

At least the TSA can grab these guys real cheap.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:28 | 2485791 ugmug
ugmug's picture

6000 RIM jobs- a precursor to a gay wedding invitation.....

 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:47 | 2486114 hedgehog9999
hedgehog9999's picture

as in got RIMMED ? or what do you mean?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:03 | 2486289 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Hey now! It could happen at a hetero wedding too.

After all, would it really be any worse than the Duck Dance?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:05 | 2486295 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Damnit, now I can't get that song outta my head!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 20:55 | 2486515 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

+ earworm

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:42 | 2486101 Agent P
Agent P's picture

"Rim jobs feel good."

On the (w)hole, I'd say you're correct.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:03 | 2486291 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

*rimshot*

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:49 | 2485331 Michael
Michael's picture

See something say something.

Sheriff Stan Barry of Fairfax County Virgina would become the most famous Sheriff in America overnight if he would take his forces to the Westfields Marriott and investigate criminal activity there.

Call Fairfax County Virgina Sheriff's office and report criminal activity at the Builderberg meeting.

Multiple violations of federal law are taking place there, specifically of the Logan Act.

Sedition and treason are being perpetrated by elected government officials, one namely Senator John Kerry at attendance plotting criminal activity against the USA.

Call Sheriff Stan Barry, demand he do his duty and arrest those Federal government officials for violating US Law!

http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/sheriff/contactus.htm

This is also criminal activity perpetrated by the Builderberg people.

Bilderberg Members Discuss Killing Ron Paul

http://www.infowars.com/insider-bilderberg-members-share-ron-paul-death-wish/

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:10 | 2485443 theTribster
theTribster's picture

R u going? I was thinking about it as I'm only a couple hours north (in Philly area) and have an RV to go down there with. Would like to see Alex and the rest of the InfoWars team. I'd also like to see 10s of thousands of people show up and create complete havoc - I think it ends officially tomorrow eod. I sent an email via the contactus link you provided above - thanks for doing this. +1

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:31 | 2485810 Fred C Dobbs
Fred C Dobbs's picture

Please go!  I would if I were that close.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:51 | 2485335 xtop23
xtop23's picture

Sexy is a feather.

Perverted is the entire chicken.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:35 | 2485831 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Unless you're a chicken, too.

Then just a 'feather' is damn creepy.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:51 | 2485340 urbanelf
urbanelf's picture

Maybe they can find work at Tender Greens tossing salad.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:51 | 2485341 CommunityStandard
CommunityStandard's picture

This is amazing.

Oh, and some jobs are just TOO big to rim.  Welcome to obese America.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:52 | 2485345 Shock and Aweful
Shock and Aweful's picture

it's Bilderberg...not "Builderberg"...

 

Just sayin...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:04 | 2485413 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Freudian slip, Bob the Builder is the lead of this conspiracy.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:10 | 2485438 Texas Ginslinger
Texas Ginslinger's picture

you mean Friday-ian slip...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:54 | 2485631 metastar
metastar's picture

Actually I believe it's spelled "Destructerberg"

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:51 | 2485346 Martin Silenus
Martin Silenus's picture

Can't stop the bleeding!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:53 | 2485353 Beevreetr
Beevreetr's picture

SOLD !!! !!! SOLD !!! !!! SOLD !!!!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:55 | 2485363 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

something is defiantely cumming soon !!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:56 | 2485371 columbo
columbo's picture

Better than 6000 tossed salads

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:57 | 2485382 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Oh how ever will Congress manage without their 600 rim jobs?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:58 | 2485384 lsbumblebee
lsbumblebee's picture

Blackberry rim jobs at that. hacka-phoeey!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:08 | 2486301 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Whiteberries are bad enough, but black ones? That's just nasty.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:59 | 2485385 Bastiat009
Bastiat009's picture

Trust me, it is no unfortunate editing. It is completely and totally on purpose. Most journalists dream of being able to pull that through. 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:40 | 2485574 pods
pods's picture

Almost like splicing in a peter shot into the end of a movie eh?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:10 | 2486307 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Double entendre street cred, FTW!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 14:58 | 2485389 Floordawg
Floordawg's picture

Ha! That is fucking great... the naivety of the MSM will never cease to amaze.

Thanks for sharing, that gem and some Scotch will do wonders.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:01 | 2485403 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

roflmao!

oh stop with the rim job jokes!

then the chicken joke above.

 

thank you.

thank you.

thank you.

 

i try my best to bring humor and fun to this dark time, but thank you all so much for being so fun also.

as we all learn in "ivory towers". f u n ::: is unbelivable nightmare.

this is a nightmare.  but there is one thing.  paper and its ties burn.

 

and from Joe Kidd: "You see ...  about those records.....  there was a fire."

 

bless

you

all

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:38 | 2485559 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

...i was almost cheered up too...

...even tho tyler was not able to stifle the canadian bailout line...

...and invited more pre-dictionz...

...like tiny bubbles...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:03 | 2485408 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Wonder if MDB is dollar cost averaging this one?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:02 | 2485409 nomorebuyins
nomorebuyins's picture

Check out Rimm's new dingleberry line.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:03 | 2485410 adr
adr's picture

I'm wating for the 3PM rumor. Fecebook had a nice $.78 pop right after 2:00 but it looks like the 10% jump like yesterday got cut short, but we'll have to wait a few minutes to see if the full retard market bids it up once again.

Can a freak storm please hit the Bildeberg meeting, please.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:10 | 2485684 catacl1sm
catacl1sm's picture

There is a Severe Thunderstorm Warning and Tornado Warning in that area right now.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:13 | 2486311 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Time to call in the reinforcements.

Prayer Assault!

http://gifcrap.com/v/TV/Prayer+assault.gif.html

Since we're all out of ZIRPs, can a brother get an amen?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:05 | 2485421 repete
repete's picture

Laid off?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:09 | 2485433 xtop23
xtop23's picture

Unexpectedly downsized

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:30 | 2485517 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

that's what "she" said.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:09 | 2485434 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture
How bad are things for D'oh-prah? All these poor women outta work and she's still circling the drain. Just like her heroes, Mr. Owebombya and Michelle The Vacation Queen.... 766,000 More Women Unemployed Today Than When Obama Took Office
Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:09 | 2485437 Appleseed
Appleseed's picture

Go long on rim jobs!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:20 | 2485450 bdc63
bdc63's picture

I'm going long just reading about RIM jobs ....

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:10 | 2485440 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

HORSE WITH HUMAN FACE

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:10 | 2485445 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Anyone seen Larry Summers lately?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:31 | 2485523 Rainman
Rainman's picture

saw him up the horse's ass

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:36 | 2485547 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Careful what you ask

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:00 | 2485969 DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

Draw baby, draw!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:12 | 2485691 Canuckistan Al
Canuckistan Al's picture

He's at the Bilderberger confab pouring gasoline on the fire.

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 01:07 | 2486806 Prometheus418
Prometheus418's picture

Vocabulary of a Harvard PhD?  That's amazing, he can say "Fuck those muppets- print it," "Blow," and "Hookers" too?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:18 | 2485475 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

 

 

What's the hourly rate for the service provider in the photo?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:13 | 2486318 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

If you have to ask...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 22:54 | 2486676 Acorn10012
Acorn10012's picture

She's looking for Mr Goldfinger.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:22 | 2485485 Falkor
Falkor's picture

Anybody observed the photo depicts "Lack Berry" :) :)

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:26 | 2485494 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Just sayin' rimjob makes me feel dirty. :-)

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:26 | 2485499 midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

headline: 6000 rim jobs out the poop chute

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:27 | 2485502 Father Lucifer
Father Lucifer's picture

RYIRX = I need no cheering up, but thanks anyway.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:30 | 2485516 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Nanny Bloomberg today:

"New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg offered a full-throated defense of his proposed ban on large-size sugary sodas on Friday, calling criticism of the proposal "ridiculous" and saying his city is again leading the way in taking on critical health issues."

Yes, he said that with a straight face. Because, you see, he's Very Serious about health in NYC. No Big Gulp for you fatty!

This from the same insane prick who's helped let the Heroes of 9/11 die sick & penniless due to air they breathed trying to clean up after Larry Silverstein's latest foray into Insurance Fraud.

No double standard there, eh Mikey? P-I-G.

 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:38 | 2485525 Stares straight...
Stares straight ahead's picture

6000 RIM jobs lost?!   This really chafes my ass!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:57 | 2485634 Sabibaby
Sabibaby's picture

Wipe first next time, maybe with some aloe and witch hazle. I guess people have been using apple's to get the job done too.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:15 | 2486321 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I LOLed.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:33 | 2485528 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Does this mean IBM will start building computers again instead of the People's Liberation Army?

Will Brother typewriters start rolling off the line again?

Will Apple start aligning with reality and have unemployed college students make iPhone's in Cupertino?

Only 6,000 jobs?  Add those to HP's -27,000 jobs and it's only 33,000 - according to the B.L.S. and economists a statistical error range or meaningless as far as "people" are concerned.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:37 | 2485556 Matt
Matt's picture

Nortel didn't get bailed out, so I doubt RIM will. I bet Canada only bailed out GM due to threats from America.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:15 | 2485706 Canuckistan Al
Canuckistan Al's picture

No union jobs to be blackmailed into saving at RIM....so no, our govt won't act.

And for a change their inaction will be the correct action plan (even if only by accident).

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 01:15 | 2486814 Prometheus418
Prometheus418's picture

You're forgetting that RIM is a government contractor.  While that could change, I'd bet they're going to be around for a while yet.  Government is slow to change.  

That does not mean you should invest in them, of course.  While I like my Blackberry well enough, they've lost a lot of their market share already, and that doesn't look like it's about to get better in the near future.  I could easily see them as a gov't-owned GM-type entity or a small remnant focused on encypted communication for politicos, though.  Lots of companies drag on for years after they should have died because they got their hooks into the pork barrel.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:56 | 2485641 Rastamon
Rastamon's picture

 

 

 

if there's ANYONE who would willingly and voluntarily step up for 6,000 RIM jobs..... it's a rightwinger. PM Harper would kill to be first in line (because that's when the flavor is the best)......mmmm TASTY!

 

libertarians can have sloppy seconds

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:56 | 2485642 Likstane
Likstane's picture

This blackberry crevise bomb is gonna be messy until the streaming runoff from this expulsion of cellular leftovers is rehypothecated into a greasy paste.   After it dries up, at least then it will be easier to pick away at the remaining bits of valuble assets. 

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:57 | 2485644 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Why would I need cheering up?

Just because I'm unemployed during the worst time to look for jobs in three years?

I'm eating chocolate ice cream as we speak, so I am doing quite fine, thank you.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 15:57 | 2485645 EverythingFubar
EverythingFubar's picture

Poor arseholes

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:05 | 2485671 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

Rim job = Tongue-in-cheek?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:12 | 2485689 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Dammit.

Beat me to it.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:16 | 2485718 Canuckistan Al
Canuckistan Al's picture

Well they do call them CRACKberries for a reason..................

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:34 | 2485828 Alex Kintner
Alex Kintner's picture

Release the Krakenberries!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:08 | 2485677 skbull44
skbull44's picture

Federal Finance Minister says no bailout to RIM (http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/05/31/rim-bailout-jim-flaherty_n_15599...)....alternate plan (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) will be to... hire JPMorgan and RBC because THAT will fix things!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:08 | 2485679 Animal Cracker
Animal Cracker's picture

Pfft...I thought this would be a story about Ted Haggard evangelizing on the Metro.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:12 | 2485693 Your Creator
Your Creator's picture

New jobs opening up in sphincter massage.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:30 | 2485798 Alex Kintner
Alex Kintner's picture

This joke is in bad taste. No really, it tastes bad.

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:44 | 2485884 kahunabear
kahunabear's picture

Oof!

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 16:45 | 2485891 toady
toady's picture

Rim jobs, tea baggers, tossed salad?

You people are a bunch of freaks!

Cere, find me a date tonight...

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 17:08 | 2486000 So Sue Me
So Sue Me's picture

I prefer jelly . . .

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 18:38 | 2486227 Dr_Lucid
Dr_Lucid's picture

I love how they have a woman in the picture with long hair. Maybe Italian? But serious foreign chicks are fine with this and so are right wing conservative Catho-lick women who will do anything to avoid intercourse.

Jewish girls won't do it prior to getting married but if anyone has experience that differs let me know.

But to the point, wasn't there an XRAY picture floating aroung the web a few years ago where someone indeed had placed a blackberry up their ass? Maybe that is the true Rim job? Maybe all along RIM was like some PETA star trying to save the lives of gerbils once fuzzy weasel at a time?

Fri, 06/01/2012 - 19:42 | 2486394 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Careful, don't give out the location of said rim jobs, people might misread the headline and start lining up.

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 01:14 | 2486813 Lord Koos
Lord Koos's picture

I thought Madonna had already retired.

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 07:20 | 2487012 chump666
chump666's picture

hahahaha f*ck yes

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 10:38 | 2487129 Implicit simplicit
Implicit simplicit's picture

It sounds like a shitty job anyway. I say that tongue in cheek

Sat, 06/02/2012 - 11:06 | 2487164 string
string's picture

Groan and groan.

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