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Friday Humor: "So You Wanna Be A Trader"

Tyler Durden's picture


For all those readers who have ever considered becoming a full-time trader, we present the decision-tree for that life-changing choice.

(courtesy of John Lohman)


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Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:20 | 2398088 battle axe
battle axe's picture

Ok that was funny...

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:26 | 2398121 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

I had to re-read the "Are you extremely inteligent?"--->Yes--->No part a few times.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:45 | 2398211 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Google falling off a cliff:

Time to subpoena the google boys, along with AG Placeholder.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:35 | 2398337 Mark Carney
Mark Carney's picture

My favoite to watch right now....GRPN  LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 19:11 | 2398515 Dburn
Dburn's picture

If your into Trainwrecks watch GMCR. Damn, you had two chances for a positive experience during retirement with that stock. Buying Puts the night before openings and buying puts after the opening. It's been 13 years ( or maybe one of Muddy Waters reports) since I've seen a stock get creamed like that one did.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 21:10 | 2398716 John_Coltrane
John_Coltrane's picture

Yeah, I've been rolling my puts down and out on this loser for the last three months  (currently have Jul 13 puts).  My only worry?  Will they be offering puts at the 0 strike level where this one is headed?  However, I refuse to pay more than 0$ premium for a 0 strike put-its just doesn't make sense does it?.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 22:37 | 2398826 withnmeans
withnmeans's picture

Here's an article that will make you think, I say everyone should just quit buying insurance. Asshole's are taking our money, and never lowering the rates.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:35 | 2398340 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

"AG PlaceHolder" = Genius

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 21:09 | 2398714 One World Mafia
One World Mafia's picture

I predict a $25,000 fine.

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 01:10 | 2398952 q99x2
q99x2's picture

'The fine could amount to more than $10 million dollars'

10000000 / 600 = 16,667 shares. Chump change.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:29 | 2398267 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

i'm literally shaking my 8-ball right now! 


i attempted to trade silver coin for coke with my dealer but he'd only accept fiat. can't snort the silver shit or the gold i'm shaking my 8-ball into fine powder using fiat as stand-in-tool makeshift straw!

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 09:32 | 2399139 matt_chart
matt_chart's picture

Haha great article, trading isn't that hard if you understand technical analysis and how emotion emotion influence trading decisions. Thats why this stuff works on short term, just watch out when Blythe hits the 'im a psycho' naked shorting attack button.


Watch these trading videos.

Training Video: Support And Resistance

Training Video: Understanding Trends

Training Video: Stock Volume As Reverse Indicator

Training Video: Using The MACD Indicator

Training Video: Using The RSI Indicator

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 15:24 | 2399690 MuppetMaster
MuppetMaster's picture

I just got into observing trading.  3 months ago I had no idea shorting the market was actually possible.  I am extremely smart, but I try to be humble. 

I think I killed my super ego and I'm pretty sure I turned my ego into a freak zombie.

But maybe it's his ploy to savotage me all over again?  Is this time different?

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to go back to being insane.  People tell me, get help; you're going crazy. 

But someone told me maybe I'm too sane, and I can't help but feel like that's the right answer.

I'm terrified of trading, b/c the whole thing looks like a game of wack-a-mole played with a hedge fund hammer and my dick...

When I look at bonds, I can see how it works.  Momentum with a few simple long term trendlines.  & lots and lots of information trading.

When I look at markets, I can see exactly how it works.  Momentum, trendlines, daily reports, with long term trendlines eventually guiding the overall structure.

When I look at individual stocks, scams though they are...  I see information, cycle period, and market trend all run the show. 

& simple as all this seems, I can't help but feel like, what if this market is easier than before all the HFT?

What if it's all a trap?  & so I must ask others who have been playing for long, has it always behaved like this?  Or is this a trap?

Are the bots eventually all going to move in a freak, out to get me type of move, ignore everything they've paid attention to before and wipe me out?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:20 | 2398089 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Is your name "Leonard" & are you fond of bananas?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:52 | 2398232 LongBallsShortBrains
LongBallsShortBrains's picture

Reggie ?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:24 | 2398103 navy62802
navy62802's picture

Haha. I was disqualified at the very first divergence.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:57 | 2398250 wandstrasse
wandstrasse's picture


Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:24 | 2398107 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

Do you were diapers or depends?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:25 | 2398115 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Are you rehearsing your speed-dating opening?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:27 | 2398132 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

I think I could use that....

Too bad the edit is not working (were...wear)

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:29 | 2398328 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

Edit does not work after someone replies to your comment. Keeps you from going back and editing something you might regret having said due to the reply. ;-)

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 04:48 | 2399048 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

you mean in a past life?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:25 | 2398111 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

 I thought you said TRAITOR

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:29 | 2398140 Treason Season
Treason Season's picture


Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:27 | 2398125 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Are you sure that's not backwards on the "humble" question?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:34 | 2398168 CvlDobd
CvlDobd's picture


Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:43 | 2398360 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Yes, but it comes after the intelligent question, so it's moot anyway.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:30 | 2398149 unclebill
unclebill's picture

hmmm....I knew I should had tried a corporate job just for the kicks

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:45 | 2398209 dynomutt
dynomutt's picture

Gooby pls.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:31 | 2398152 miguel991
miguel991's picture

Funny Stuff. Sad, but oh so true.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:32 | 2398156 CvlDobd
CvlDobd's picture


I had a friend call recently who wants to get into the industry. He wanted me to say good things and reinforce his decision to join finance. I said "Derek, I know you want me to tell you it's great but I can't. Run, don't walk as far from finance and trading if you value your sanity."

I don't think he liked that answer. I wish I had someone be honest with me and tell me that the money isn't worth shit before I wasted so much of my life on this pursuit. Every one I talked to about joining the industry said it was great. I'm not sure if they were lying to me or trying to convince themself that it's true.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:25 | 2398455 veyron
veyron's picture

Selection bias.  Those that are successful will say its great; those that were not will say it sucks.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:55 | 2398491 CvlDobd
CvlDobd's picture

I must suck.

Actually, I was doing ok but my mood shifted and hasn't changed since May 6, 2010. It was solidified on the BATS IPO day. No amount of research, risk management, technical analysis, etc. can prevent a 100% paper wipeout in 900 milliseconds. Watching all those ETFs flash zero for a few minutes changed me. Watching an IPO go from $16 to zero in a few minutes made me realize I have no way to defend myself in these markets. Stop losses are meaningless and I can't believe that options will be accurately priced and go up when things flash to zero.

Maybe I am weak in the mental toughness department, who knows. I do agree with your sentiment though. I used to think it was great even during drawdowns. Now I think it sucks even during good trades.

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 00:30 | 2398930 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

Well said CvlDobd. I'm in total agreement with you. It's fucking nutty out there and dirty to boot. At least you can ride your MC and enjoy life's little pleasures....

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 01:26 | 2398963 CvlDobd
CvlDobd's picture

Yep, house is for sale and the resumes are in the mail. I'm actually working in the evenings with a friend at his bicycle shop assembling new bikes just to be around something I enjoy! Once the house sells, I'm taking the airstream to a friends property on the lake, home equity will be converted to metals, and the bank accounts become real bills. Then it is all just part time work and side projects like the bike shop gig. I'm a pretty good welder/fabricator and I have a few project bike requests. I'm putting in some serious me time and getting out of the rat race. I mentally checked out of the rat race along time ago. Now I just need to finish the deed by selling the house.

Kind of off topic, but project one is going to be a Yamaha WR supermoto with a Yamaha Banshee 2 stroke engine! Should be killer.


Motorcycles, Beer, Dogs, Metals, and Biches. Isn't that the saying?

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 09:55 | 2399163 WmMcK
WmMcK's picture

My name is Bill, and it's been 2 years since ...

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 19:59 | 2398590 HungrySeagull
HungrySeagull's picture

Well, the Pursuit of Happiness is always a ideal in this Country.

Traders should have sufficient meat on the bones to withstand eviscerating and being able to function after said treatment.

A mental test in the form of a ringing phone will be administered....

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 23:54 | 2400322 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

CvlDobd: I tell every new person I meet. Get away. Get the fuck away, stay away, get a real job, one where you produce something. I don't care if it doesn't pay.

Ironically, the guys who are really, really in this for the money are the guys who flame out early, I think. Guys who are just BLOODY FUCKING OBSTINATE will jump in the deep end anyways no matter what you tell them. Ha.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:32 | 2398157 i love cholas
i love cholas's picture

Never understood the profession of a trader.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:34 | 2398338 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

Buy.  Sell higher.  Even Walmart does it.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:47 | 2398366 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Not according to the WM haters. They'll tell you the WM is guilty of "dumping."

Now excuse me while I go break some windows to help stimulate the economy.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:32 | 2398161 max2205
max2205's picture

Last question..."do you feel lucky"

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:34 | 2398166 Strider52
Strider52's picture

"So now we're reduced to hobo's arguing about who is better off because they have noticeably less shit all over them." OMG, I'm still laffing at that one, from another thread.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:35 | 2398174 EclecticParrot
EclecticParrot's picture

Not sure if this is a coincidence, but this very same flowchart was used by Obama staff to populate key posts in his administration.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:35 | 2398176 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Do you like hookers and blow?

Are you morally bankrupt? Would you be willing to learn?

Can you survive for an hour with your head up another persons(boss) ass?

Does the name Corzine give you a 'tingle' up your leg, ala Chris Matthews? 

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:40 | 2398188 Conman
Conman's picture

My Flowchart for this ponzi market goes like this.


1. Is the market up or down?

A. Up

a.Buy more - go back to 1.

B Down

b. BTFD Dummy - go to 1.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:42 | 2398195 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

Ethics...? Do you have any...

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:43 | 2398201 Clint Liquor
Clint Liquor's picture

They forgot: 'do you use your personality for birth control?'

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:46 | 2398213 carambar
carambar's picture

The same would be true for some

Zerohedge contributors

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:47 | 2398219 AcidRastaHead
AcidRastaHead's picture

Dang, would have made the cut if not for the nepotism requirement.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:52 | 2398234 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

Activists with the Occupy Wall Street movement are claiming that police in Minneapolis gave them illegal drugs and other items for participating in a study on impairment.

In a 35-minute documentary produced by Twin Cities Indimedia, Rogue Media, Communities United Against Police Brutality and Occupy Minneapolis, multiple activists describe being offered illicit drugs.

The report alleges that police gave out drugs, cigarettes and fast food as part of the Minnesota State Patrol’s Drug Recognition Evaluator program, which trains officers in detecting drug impairment. Police reportedly picked up suspects near Peavey Plaza and drove them to a facility in Richfield where they were tested.

An activist named Panda told filmmakers that after getting stoned in front of police, they asked him if he wanted to smoke even more.

“I stopped in my tracks, said ‘yes,’ and then I smoked with a cop,” he recalled, adding it was “some of the best shit I’ve had in a while.” On the way back from the testing facility, Panda said officers bought him a double cheeseburger from McDonald’s.

Later Panda explained that officers had offered him “a quarter more” of marijuana if he would become an “informant” to snitch on other Occupy protesters.

“They checked our eyes, they checked our ears, checked our lungs,” another participant recalled after police got him “high as fuck.”

“They checked our blood pressure, our pulse and all that. There were a lot [of police officers]. There were like 30 or 40.”

The claims first came to light during a controversial City Hall hearing on Wednesday about banning overnight activity in Minneapolis’ public plazas.

“They gave me a full bag of weed,” Forest Olivier told the Council. “And they gave me a pipe to smoke it out of. And they just took us out to – I forgot the name of the airfield – but its somewhere in Richfield, out near the bus line. 66th and Cedar. And they let us smoke it on the sand hills where the dirt pits were.”

In a posting on the E-Democracy forum, Council Member Cam Gordon called the allegations “disturbing.”

“Last night, I was called by a concerned mother who was very upset because her son had been given free drugs by a police officer when he went out to participate in what he thought would be social action in a public plaza to help improve his community and country,” Gordon wrote. “She was shocked to learn from her son later that police gave her son illegal drugs and asked him to use them, indicating that it was okay and that it was part of a police program.”

“Her trust in the police was broken and she was baffled at how such a thing could ever be condoned by her government. She felt that it was the police’s responsibility to help keep her son safe and protect him from harm and consider that by their action the police had put him in harms way and as a violation of a public trust,” he added.

“One of the things that is most concerning about this to me is how the young and vulnerable appear to be being targeted,” Gordon said. “Beyond that, I cannot see how this program, practiced how it apparently is being practiced, can be considered ethical or in the public interest.”



Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:54 | 2398236 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture

You re a trader now, but you have $ 30,000 in out trades,  get your daddy to poni up or we take the cd and put your lease out on monday.


25  are into you,  you can split it all 50-50  the bad trades their way, those are  ur good ones,  your bad ones you eat all of it.


Come back tomorrow,  you re a trader,   you re word means something here,  .......LOL


Honor and Integrity,



Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:00 | 2398263 vegas
vegas's picture

Ahhhhhh, the good old days of out-trades; I knew ye well. Every frickin' day you had a price out with some 1 lot schmuck who absolutley had to have that tick. No matter you checked the trade 16 times in front of witnesses, the next morning - out!

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 23:51 | 2400320 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

Out trades. Goodbye and good riddance. If you know outtrades, you are too old!! Ha ha.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 16:59 | 2398258 Gazooks
Gazooks's picture

would you like an eternity in a hell of despair?


maybe you'd wish Greenspan as company there?


and welcome a Corzine there with you too


being bent over and Franked forever or two?


or maybe a Volcker would add to the mix


it's said that he's good dressed up as a vix


but if the trade doesn't strike you as an art


you can transfer as greeter upstairs in Wal-mart






Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:03 | 2398275 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

do you want to add value to the economy?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:04 | 2398278 jumbo maverick
jumbo maverick's picture

I have a fat finger do I qualify?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:44 | 2398482 Matt
Matt's picture

yes but only for Plunge Protection or other buy-only positions.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 20:02 | 2398599 HungrySeagull
HungrySeagull's picture

I keep wanting to go into Self Employment to make Red Staplers while working part time at the Pyromaniac trading LLC....

Does myopic vision corrected by 2 inch lenses qualify me?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 21:24 | 2398737 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Fat fingers are fine, but are you a Big Swinging Dick?

Doesn't matter if you are male or female, you must be convinced you are doing God's Work.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:08 | 2398289 AldoHux_IV
AldoHux_IV's picture

Could've used this infographic before getting into full-time trading, but like most of my trading: too little too late.

By the way, fuck HFT/Algos, the vampire squid, and the vampire squid's vampire squid. Rapers of price discovery and freedom.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:49 | 2398374 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Why do you hate freedom?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:10 | 2398292 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Do you own any gold?

Yes----------> Uncivilized extremist

                     No-----------> Go see Munger.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:11 | 2398295 chunga
chunga's picture

I have two Bobby Orr rookie cards.

Maybe I'll trade one of them but it would have to be a good deal.

Watcha got?

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 09:49 | 2399156 WmMcK
WmMcK's picture

Score, #4 ...

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:18 | 2398299 navy62802
navy62802's picture


Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:26 | 2398320 optimator
optimator's picture
  1. Give me a large loan with no interest or collateral, some HFT computers, and inside information and I'll take a shot at the trading.  The computer will take care of everything while I'm doing my thesis on the effects of global warming and the effect it has on humans.  To the beach!!
Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:25 | 2398321 John Law Lives
John Law Lives's picture

That was damn good.

I know scores of young whippersnappers with MBAs and CFA status that don't know diddly about the markets or how to navigate them.  Many of those types get chewed up and tossed aside with every bear market.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:33 | 2398336 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 I took my " Medicine" on Wednesday. Better to take the hit early, then end up " Bear excrement"...

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:39 | 2398344 BeerGoggles
BeerGoggles's picture

This must be American humour because it really isn't that funny

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:45 | 2398363 John Law Lives
John Law Lives's picture

Lighten up.  A little levity now and then is good for the soul...

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:52 | 2398376 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

That's because you spelled it wrong, duh.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 20:13 | 2398619 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Do you have a second HEAD ,or a third ARM?  As if "DUH", shows a lot of " GRAMMATICAL EDUCATE"!

  Take a shower! We had a tough week!

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 17:53 | 2398386 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture


Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:11 | 2398424 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture



I went to an art museum today and was looking at a painting I thought was strange, the painting was of a bunch of native American peoples all naked and screwing, above them was a large fish, and above the fish was a large golden halo, could not for the life of me decipher the meaning until I read the caption at the bottom, in small print,

 Custer’s last words “Holy mackerel look at all those fucking Indians”

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:12 | 2398428 candyman
candyman's picture

            If you have an erection lasting more than four hours, seek medical attention, or click on the link below
Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:25 | 2398456 Freebird
Freebird's picture

Whatchagot for my friend who is crying out for a 4 hour plus erection?

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 04:02 | 2399036 Helicon
Helicon's picture

I'd hit it.

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 09:14 | 2399132 ClassicalLib17
ClassicalLib17's picture

Holy mackerel!

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:13 | 2398429 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

after stints at both, trading and horse racing, i came to the conclusion that horse racing will give you a better shake, and that's with the 15% vig on every winning trade, or bet.

horse racing is a lot more rational too, basically you look at the charts, and decide where the public made a mistake and bet it that way. on wall street the mistakes get rewarded while at the track they run out of the money.


Fri, 05/04/2012 - 20:15 | 2398624 Rynak
Rynak's picture

Actually, without cheating (insider info, marketmaker, etc), even RANDOM CHANCE is a better bet.... because random chance implies that the game isn't rigged but actually.... you know, random. So for those who didn't make the questionaire, maybe you should become a gambling addict instead.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 20:54 | 2398690 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

"Dullahan" in the Derby tomorrow bitchez!

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:18 | 2398438 besnook
besnook's picture

trading with an eight ball lined up on your desk is a sure way to want to shoot yourself before it is gone. there have been many opportunities provided without it. that's why i lock the gun cabinet before my first trade and tie the key to the collar of the dog that won't come to me when i call him.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 18:30 | 2398454 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

I stopped at the first question. I would not be a trader if y'all gave me the money.

How's that for intelligent? ;-)

First question must be a trick question, as intelligent has two Ls, and the question only has one.

I lost my magic 8 ball a very long time ago. ;-0

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 19:06 | 2398508 RoadKill
RoadKill's picture

Hmm. Lots of bitter traders on here. Have I been taking yalls money?

Btw in Miami today I drove by a really aggressive rally. A few dozen people with their faces covered with black masks holding big signs saying "Revolt" and "Fukc you we wont do what you tell us"

Anybody know anything about.that?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 21:20 | 2398732 Clever Name
Clever Name's picture

Its called Rage Against the Machine.

Sun, 05/06/2012 - 12:18 | 2400766 HungrySeagull
HungrySeagull's picture

Also a potential hell of a Home defense scenario should they come up your street.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 19:13 | 2398520 hustler etiquette
hustler etiquette's picture

Is this regarding firms where a capital contribution is needed? If so, then no. Yes I believe in hookers and yes I don't have morals. When do I start?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 19:27 | 2398535 pauhana
pauhana's picture

I just want to go back to the uptick rule.

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 20:03 | 2398602 HungrySeagull
HungrySeagull's picture


What cures a Trader of ED?

Keyboards or Jailbait pussy?

Fri, 05/04/2012 - 20:37 | 2398658 The Watchman
The Watchman's picture

Don't you have to be a computer to qualify for this postion?

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 04:25 | 2399042 vh070
vh070's picture

Dunno whether to laugh or cry on that one.  I think I'll laugh until I cry.

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 04:36 | 2399046 falak pema
falak pema's picture

So where do the TDs figure on this decision tree...? 

I have a feeling that they know enuff about the trade to have continuous hands-on access to it, knowing all its inside-outs, yet enuff distancing from the process to critique it to the very depths of its rotten soul! They have been to Dante's HEll and come back to talk about it in detail! 

Very unusual and schizonphrenia biaised situation! But they seem to have survived, and thrived intellectually for our collective benefit! 

As Cleopatra said to posterity, if you want power you make RAPE look respectable, and roll out of the carpet to make it appear to the world that you are doing the REAL seduction. Eat your hearts out, Caesars! 

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 07:23 | 2399081 stock trout
stock trout's picture

1. Do you enjoy wasting your life away as a corporate drone with no hope of a better life or retirement and with no job security? No

2. Do you have the land resources and skills to live off the grid? No

3. Do you like watching your meager savings waste way at 0.001% interest with 10+% real inflation? No

4. Are you willing to gamble those meager savings for a chance at a better life when due to the system you have no other option? Yes


If you answered correctly then you should become a trader. It's the American way.


Sat, 05/05/2012 - 14:07 | 2399563 SILVERGEDDON

Traders are a bunch of fucking whiney faggot rookie pussies. Try being a car salesman. Training program for traders. First prize is the trip for two to Hawaii. Second prize, is this set of steak knives. Third prize ? There is no fucking third prize ! YOU'RE FIRED !

Sun, 05/06/2012 - 12:56 | 2399627 Donnie Duvanie
Donnie Duvanie's picture

Here's a very good Forex flow chart for novice traders (furnished with typical answers, if you're unsure:

1. Watch a currency pair. If going up --> Buy it. If going down --> Sell it.

Are you in? Yes.

Did it keep going? "No, it reversed." --> Flip it.

Did you flip it? "No" --> Flip it.

You still didn't flip it? "Right" --> Flip it.

You still didn't flip it? "Right." Is it still going? Yes --> That's Ok, flip it on a pullback.

Did it pull back? "Yes." Did you flip it? "No, I can't because it looks like a reversal."

Did the reversal continue? "No, it was just a pullback." Close position, NOW.

Did you close position? "No, it went too far. If I close it now, I'll have a substantcial loss. I'll close it on the next pullback, besides it might reverse at the next support."

Did it keep going? "Yes, my lose is now 2x as great."

Wait for pullback and Close it. Did it pullback, again? "Yes." CLOSE IT.

Did you close it? "No, it's a reversal! it's making money!" Good. Hold it till the next support/resistance level. Follow it with a stop.

Did the reversal continue? "No, it was just another pullback. My loss is now 4x as great!"

Haven't you closed it, yet? "HELL NO, I'LL CLOSE IT ON THE NEXT PULL BACK!"

Did it pull back, again? "Yes." Close it.

Did you close it? "No, I flipped it."

Was it a pull back? "No, it was a reversal. The market always knows what I'm going to do!"

In that case, repeat above steps until you're out of money. Idiot. 

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 15:03 | 2399661 MuppetMaster
MuppetMaster's picture

I just got into observing trading.  3 months ago I had no idea shorting the market was actually possible.  I am extremely smart, but I try to be humble. 

I think I killed my super ego and I'm pretty sure I turned my ego into a freak zombie.

But maybe it's his ploy all over again to savotage me all over again?  Is this time different?

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to go back to being insane.  People tell me, get help; you're going crazy. 

But someone told me maybe I'm too sane, and I can't help but feel like that the right answer.

I'm terrified of trading, b/c the whole think looks like a game of wack-a-mole played with a hedge fund hammer and my dick...

When I look at bonds, I can see how it works.  Momentum with a few simple long term trendlines.  & lots and lots of information trading.

When I look at markets, I can see exactly how it works.  Momentum, trendlines, daily reports, with long term trendlines eventually guiding the overall structure.

When I look at individual stocks, scams though they are...  I see information, cycle period, and market trend all run the show. 

& simple as all this seems, I can't help but feel like, what if this market is easier than before all the HFT?

What if it's all a trap?  & so I must ask others who have been playing for long, has it always behaved like this?  Or is this a trap?

Do I need to worry that the bots will all gang up on me?

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 17:24 | 2399895 JenkinsLane
JenkinsLane's picture

I thought the following had the word "wanna" in it so it might be appropriate but it doesn't. 

However, I may well have inadvertently discovered the theme tune for the Street. Does that mean I'm not humble?

We could've been anything we wanted to be
 But don't it make your heart glad
 That we decided, a fact we take pride in
 We became the best at being bad

 We could've been anything we wanted to be
 With all the talent we had
 No doubt about it, we whine and we pout it
 We're the very best at being guys We're rotten to the core
 And my congratulations no one likes you any more
 Bad guys, we're the very worst
 Each of us contemptible, we're criticised and cursed
We made the big time, malicious and mad We're the very best at being bad

 We could've been anything we wanted to be
 We took the easy way out
 With little training, we mastered complaining
 Manners seemed unnecessary
 We're so rude, it's almost scary

 We could've been anything that we wanted to be
 With all the talent we had
 With little practice, we made every black list
 We're the very best at being bad
 We're the very best at being bad
 We're the very best at being bad

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 22:06 | 2400230 MuppetMaster
MuppetMaster's picture

So lemme get this strait.  All the kids that woke up and realized their moron parents let the world go to shit, are really just the assholes of the situation, right?  No it totally wasn't our forefathers system of apathetic and lazy democracy that fucked us all.  No!  It's totally the few people that tried to make the best of a coming great depression.  & our ancestors are definitely not ALL giant pussies that let a few douche bags take absolute power [100 years ago (although 200 in reality)] by sacrificing the future of their children to a lifetime of debt slavery...  & yet kids my age trying to make something before the MATHEMATICALLY DOOMED system supernovas us all? Yea no non-hedge fund traders, we're definitely the stupid assholes that fucked us all over.

Sat, 05/05/2012 - 22:30 | 2400236 MuppetMaster
MuppetMaster's picture

I mean no insult.  Killing myself has done weird things, that remove hate, among other things. 

But I'll tell you something that should explain my point:

You should not forget that THIS TIME, it is different.  This isn't like before.  This time around, there may be a great death.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!