Friday Humor

Tyler Durden's picture

For our Friday humor section, we pull up the funniest headlines from Bloomberg in ascending order.

h/t John Lohman

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jeff montanye's picture

most specifically the heinous "war on drugs" which paul opposes, uniquely among top presidential contenders or even politicians of national stature generally.

DRT RD's picture

That's sick.  I would give more thumbs up if I could.

 

 

SpaDe's picture

I didn't even smirk until I got to #1 and then I ROFL'd so bad I spilled my drink!

orangedrinkandchips's picture

mmmmm....drink....

 

It's almost 5 o'clock here (and somewhere...)

 

 

STIFF COCK ANYONE??? (ILL TAKE 2!!)

Strut's picture

I'm pretty sure you're a dude...

MsCreant's picture

So is that a booby prize?

Edit: Oh my god, it's back fat. Rolls and rolls of...

knukles's picture

Funny.
Rolls of back fat.

Jesus, woman.
What have you been doing with your life?
That's it, I'll go to Wal-Mart and become a back fat spotter.

"Attention, back fat cleanup in aisle two"

That's just wrong.

StychoKiller's picture

"Attention, back fat cleanup in aisle two"

That's just wrong.

I expect nothing less(more) from a "pinhead!" :>D

GMadScientist's picture

I'm pretty sure he's got enough holes that his dudeness won't be an issue to the guys doing it just to see the look on his face. Now let the man deprave in peace; he needs the money (MF global client).

 

tmosley's picture

I didn't really laugh until the end.  This is the best one yet, Tyler.

Cdad's picture

#1 is lololol.  Recently hired [and probably already fired] bicycle couriers hired to fetch shiny bobbles from Tiffany's for criminal syndicate Wall Street bankers too stoned to make it there themselves.

Amish Hacker's picture

You should run this top-ten every week.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

US Jobs Market Improved In December.

Gotta love the financial porn.

nonclaim's picture

They could try and give the market a tattoo for permanent improvement.

MsCreant's picture

Bernanke, Charged with castrating US economy, could face life?

Rainman's picture

Damn, that woman castrating husband shit gives me the willies. Won't sleep too good tonite.

MachoMan's picture

Do you really think you won't wake up before your wife gets done setting up the magnifier?

Rainman's picture

I strongly object to female revenge tips being posted on this venerable site.... the wimmins got enough ideas already.

subqtaneous's picture

She tried that once, and I didn't budge until the arborists started up their chainsaws.  Bitch.

navy62802's picture

At this pace, we'll be at 7% or less by November. What a joke.

valley chick's picture

I don't know...maybe the pic that banzai7 posted earlier...made me think of the Sark on #3. 

Cheeky Bitch's picture

It's Friday Bitchez...

 

Zero Govt's picture

what was funnier than the jobs numbers was the airheaded Bloomberg presenter reporting it then looking up to see the US Exchanges all red ...Bloomberg had spent all morning hyping the jobs and the positive impact it would have on the markets.. instead they got a slap in the face with a wet fish

Priceless

Yen Cross's picture

 We're all going to the " Big House"!  /sarc

GMadScientist's picture

We're all going to the "Big Brother House".

Let them eat iPads's picture

The funniest headline this spring will be:

 

"Santorum wins Republican nomination".

wandstrasse's picture

MSN 14:38 Princeton study reveals: Banker penises grow by 65% when watching Mr. Bernankes finger approaches the print button.

taniquetil's picture

What if you're a shower and not a grower?

Strut's picture

MSN 14:38 Princeton study reveals: Banker penises become WMD when watching Mr. Bernankes finger approaches the print button.

 

Fixed it for ya

Caviar Emptor's picture

For the first time ever, roids and Viagra have failed to cause enough swelling. Maybe Chaz Boner isn't wrong to go buy a penis

Sabibaby's picture

Obama could certainly swallow that!

vegas's picture

#11 Obama says students "inspire" him at rally where everybody laughs at him.

 

http://vegasxau.blogspot.com

apberusdisvet's picture

Banker penal lists would be more appropriate.

Caviar Emptor's picture

According to BLS : 42,000 courier and messenger jobs were added in December. And 3 million people left the work force which lowers the unemployment rate. :-) 

http://seekingalpha.com/article/317954-u-s-non-farm-payrolls-the-statist...

MsCreant's picture

If Tyler has this blog for years and years, will he need to get a picuture of an aging Brad Pitt for his avatar? Hope Brad doesn't get all douchey with plastic surgery, tans, fake hair, and shit.

pakled's picture

I think Brad has Dick Clark genes.

wandstrasse's picture

BTW, I am wondering how Mr. Pitt manages to do all of this... his children, his wife, the movies, this awesome site... Bravo!

blunderdog's picture

He's had excellent work done already.  As long as he keeps it discreet and uses the same surgeon, maybe we'll never see him wearing one of the creepy "Brad Pitt @ 40" masks.  (Like that thing Stallone got grafted on recently.)

No matter, really--Tyler Durdens are fictional.  No reason for them to age.

GMadScientist's picture

I see it more as a "Dread Pirate Roberts" type situation (as do the Tylers) you take your turn then pass the baton.

 

Caviar Emptor's picture

Hat tip, O Tyler! You were on it. Scuse my redundancy

Yen Cross's picture

 Thank You! My "  Mud Hut" just Crumbled.   That was a complement.<