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Friday Humor

Tyler Durden's picture




 

For our Friday humor section, we pull up the funniest headlines from Bloomberg in ascending order.

h/t John Lohman

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Sat, 01/07/2012 - 07:24 | 2041859 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

most specifically the heinous "war on drugs" which paul opposes, uniquely among top presidential contenders or even politicians of national stature generally.

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 13:14 | 2042210 DRT RD
DRT RD's picture

That's sick.  I would give more thumbs up if I could.

 

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:34 | 2040865 SpaDe
SpaDe's picture

I didn't even smirk until I got to #1 and then I ROFL'd so bad I spilled my drink!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:43 | 2040901 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

mmmmm....drink....

 

It's almost 5 o'clock here (and somewhere...)

 

 

STIFF COCK ANYONE??? (ILL TAKE 2!!)

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:59 | 2040958 Strut
Strut's picture

I'm pretty sure you're a dude...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:42 | 2041043 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

So is that a booby prize?

Edit: Oh my god, it's back fat. Rolls and rolls of...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 20:09 | 2041138 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Wal-Martian.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 20:20 | 2041170 knukles
knukles's picture

Funny.
Rolls of back fat.

Jesus, woman.
What have you been doing with your life?
That's it, I'll go to Wal-Mart and become a back fat spotter.

"Attention, back fat cleanup in aisle two"

That's just wrong.

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 05:50 | 2041823 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

"Attention, back fat cleanup in aisle two"

That's just wrong.

I expect nothing less(more) from a "pinhead!" :>D

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 00:52 | 2041645 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

I'm pretty sure he's got enough holes that his dudeness won't be an issue to the guys doing it just to see the look on his face. Now let the man deprave in peace; he needs the money (MF global client).

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:46 | 2041058 peekcrackers
peekcrackers's picture

slow your roll homo ...crist

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:34 | 2040867 tmosley
tmosley's picture

I didn't really laugh until the end.  This is the best one yet, Tyler.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:34 | 2040868 Cdad
Cdad's picture

#1 is lololol.  Recently hired [and probably already fired] bicycle couriers hired to fetch shiny bobbles from Tiffany's for criminal syndicate Wall Street bankers too stoned to make it there themselves.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:39 | 2040884 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

You should run this top-ten every week.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:40 | 2040887 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

US Jobs Market Improved In December.

Gotta love the financial porn.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:18 | 2040995 nonclaim
nonclaim's picture

They could try and give the market a tattoo for permanent improvement.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:30 | 2041020 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Bernanke, Charged with castrating US economy, could face life?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:40 | 2040889 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Damn, that woman castrating husband shit gives me the willies. Won't sleep too good tonite.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:53 | 2040938 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

Do you really think you won't wake up before your wife gets done setting up the magnifier?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:08 | 2040972 Rainman
Rainman's picture

I strongly object to female revenge tips being posted on this venerable site.... the wimmins got enough ideas already.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:21 | 2041002 Irish66
Irish66's picture

nervous?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:23 | 2041004 subqtaneous
subqtaneous's picture

She tried that once, and I didn't budge until the arborists started up their chainsaws.  Bitch.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:41 | 2040893 navy62802
navy62802's picture

At this pace, we'll be at 7% or less by November. What a joke.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:43 | 2040906 valley chick
valley chick's picture

I don't know...maybe the pic that banzai7 posted earlier...made me think of the Sark on #3. 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:44 | 2040910 Cheeky Bitch
Cheeky Bitch's picture

It's Friday Bitchez...

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:49 | 2040918 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

what was funnier than the jobs numbers was the airheaded Bloomberg presenter reporting it then looking up to see the US Exchanges all red ...Bloomberg had spent all morning hyping the jobs and the positive impact it would have on the markets.. instead they got a slap in the face with a wet fish

Priceless

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:52 | 2040934 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Neither about jobs or a penis, I find this pretty bizarre:

http://www.tomsguide.com/us/Sweden-File-sharing-Religion-Kopimism-Church...

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:53 | 2040936 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 We're all going to the " Big House"!  /sarc

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 20:58 | 2041253 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

/sarc? Not with NDAA.

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 00:54 | 2041648 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

We're all going to the "Big Brother House".

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:55 | 2040944 Let them eat iPads
Let them eat iPads's picture

The funniest headline this spring will be:

 

"Santorum wins Republican nomination".

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 03:04 | 2041753 Lore
Lore's picture

Ron Paul ad: "Santorum: Record of Betrayal" (YouTube)

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:58 | 2040955 wandstrasse
wandstrasse's picture

MSN 14:38 Princeton study reveals: Banker penises grow by 65% when watching Mr. Bernankes finger approaches the print button.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:59 | 2040957 taniquetil
taniquetil's picture

What if you're a shower and not a grower?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:16 | 2040982 Strut
Strut's picture

MSN 14:38 Princeton study reveals: Banker penises become WMD when watching Mr. Bernankes finger approaches the print button.

 

Fixed it for ya

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:32 | 2041022 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

For the first time ever, roids and Viagra have failed to cause enough swelling. Maybe Chaz Boner isn't wrong to go buy a penis

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 20:07 | 2041131 pakled
pakled's picture

You're funny.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 20:40 | 2041217 Sabibaby
Sabibaby's picture

Obama could certainly swallow that!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:13 | 2040984 Alpha Monkey
Alpha Monkey's picture

Sploosh...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:01 | 2040961 vegas
vegas's picture

#11 Obama says students "inspire" him at rally where everybody laughs at him.

 

http://vegasxau.blogspot.com

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:02 | 2040963 apberusdisvet
apberusdisvet's picture

Banker penal lists would be more appropriate.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:30 | 2041005 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

According to BLS : 42,000 courier and messenger jobs were added in December. And 3 million people left the work force which lowers the unemployment rate. :-) 

http://seekingalpha.com/article/317954-u-s-non-farm-payrolls-the-statist...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:46 | 2041059 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

If Tyler has this blog for years and years, will he need to get a picuture of an aging Brad Pitt for his avatar? Hope Brad doesn't get all douchey with plastic surgery, tans, fake hair, and shit.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 20:09 | 2041139 pakled
pakled's picture

I think Brad has Dick Clark genes.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 20:41 | 2041220 wandstrasse
wandstrasse's picture

BTW, I am wondering how Mr. Pitt manages to do all of this... his children, his wife, the movies, this awesome site... Bravo!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 21:49 | 2041367 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

He's had excellent work done already.  As long as he keeps it discreet and uses the same surgeon, maybe we'll never see him wearing one of the creepy "Brad Pitt @ 40" masks.  (Like that thing Stallone got grafted on recently.)

No matter, really--Tyler Durdens are fictional.  No reason for them to age.

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 00:58 | 2041653 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

I see it more as a "Dread Pirate Roberts" type situation (as do the Tylers) you take your turn then pass the baton.

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 19:58 | 2041090 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

Hat tip, O Tyler! You were on it. Scuse my redundancy

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 20:48 | 2041231 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Thank You! My "  Mud Hut" just Crumbled.   That was a complement.<

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