FT Releases Mother Of All Rumors

Tyler Durden's picture

Remember when everyone would dread the 3pm hour when the FT would mysteriously come up with some about to be discredited deus ex machina rumor? Those days are back, and this time the FT hits us, baby, one MOAR time:

  • EU OFFICIALS WEIGH RUNNING TWO RESCUE FUNDS TOGETHER, FT SAYS
  • EU WEIGHS RUNNING TWO RESCUE FUNDS, MORE IMF SUPPORT: FT
  • EU WEIGHS GIVING ESM ACCESS TO ECB FUNDING, FT SAYS

In other words, Europe has now given up on nuances and has resorted to nuclear rumormongering: it is commingling all failed funds, adding the IMF, and promises to add Marsian capital as soon as said capital is discovered. That the EFSF was unable to raise €3 billion (and only did so with underwriters retaining half of the issued bonds) on its way to €1 trillion (let alone €2) remains irrelevant.

Some rumors that remain still to be added:

  • EU WEIGHS PULLING GOLD FILLINGS FROM CITIZENS TO BAILOUT GOLDMAN SACHS AND OTHER BANKS
  • EU OFFICIALS HAVE REACHED OUT TO ALPHA CENTAURI FOR PREFERRED SHARE INVESTMENT; INITIAL RESPONSE FAVORABLE
  • FITCH PLANNING TO RAISE EUROPE CREDIT RATING TO AAAA+
  • EUROPE PREANNOUNCES MASSIVE EPS BEAT ON BLOWING OUT CDS SPREADS

And so on.

This idiocy confirms we have officially rached the beginning of the end.