• Knave Dave
    05/23/2016 - 18:16
    This past Thursday marked the one-year anniversary of the US stock market’s death when stocks saw their last high. Market bulls have spent a year looking like the walking dead. They’ve...

Full JPM Earnings Call Slideshow Dump

Tyler Durden's picture


When fraud has been exposed, one is best advised to baffle everyone with lots and lots of data, figures, numbers, and generally meaningless information overflow. Sure enough, as part of the Q2 earnings call, JPM has released a record 8 pdfs to go alongside Jamie Dimon sounding very confident, and pretending he knows what he is talking about. Remember: when in doubt, baffle them with bullshit.

Executive Comments (pdf)




CIO Task Force Update (pdf)


Q2 2012 Financial Results (pdf)

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Fri, 07/13/2012 - 07:58 | 2612251 strongband
strongband's picture

i was baffled with bullshit reading this

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:09 | 2612273 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



It was the title that tripped you up.......it had the word "Earnings" in it.


Basically you have to make money to have earnings.


Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:18 | 2612292 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

and yet all banks are up on all of this good news that they ONLY made a 4.4 billion loss...




Fri, 07/13/2012 - 10:28 | 2612812 Mark Carney
Mark Carney's picture

So what you are saying is that it should have been $4.6B loss, but they found $200M a few days ago in their accounts, AMIRITE?

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 07:59 | 2612252 localpacific
localpacific's picture

lol JPM makes another funny , at least we get to wrap up the fx side of things overseas ... Technical Market Update: EUR:JPY

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:00 | 2612253 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

Who the fuck needs "protection" against "bad loans" when you just use THE RESERVES as "profits"??


Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:01 | 2612258 swissaustrian
swissaustrian's picture


Ms Masters, you are the head of the commodities branch. What about the PFG bankruptcy, did JPM profit from it like you did after the MFG bankruptcy by stealing all of MFG clients silver?

(note: maybe they did, watch this coin dealer explain arround the 9:00 minutes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y7GjKu5xaE )

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:09 | 2612274 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

That is not a "coin dealer" if you actually listen Christopher Olson is a trader who trades forex derivatives and spot metals.  They are precious metals dealers that used PFG to hedge.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:21 | 2612300 swissaustrian
swissaustrian's picture

A trader uses derivatives for profit, he uses them for hedging only as far as I understand

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:31 | 2612312 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I guess they can only do one or the other and not both in your mind?  He's the one that says it you should listen to it.  Not trying to bust balls it's still a good link to Capital Account about PFG disaster fraud.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:31 | 2612276 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Oh....you're just asking for blonde bitch stare-down.


Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:04 | 2612267 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

When fraud has been exposed, one is best advised to baffle everyone with lots and lots of data, figures, numbers, and generally meaningless information overflow.



This is the standard operating procedure of a defense attorney that has a guilty client: keep overloading the prosecution with paperwork until they get sick and tired of having to read it all. Then, they will be more likely to make a more "reasonable" offer on a plea deal. And never, ever, under any conditions, take their first offer.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:06 | 2612272 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Wells is suddenly getting bitch-slapped ahead of their earnings release.  Was something leaked?

There's nothing on their site or the newswires ahead of a sudden ~1% hit.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:15 | 2612282 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



You didn't get the memo?


Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:17 | 2612290 miker
miker's picture

If you have no shame, no humility, no compassion, our "system" is ripe for the taking.  Hypercomplexity, regulators that are "ordinary people" and an apathetic/me first society.


Fri, 07/13/2012 - 08:53 | 2612390 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

Stop paying on all Libor Loans, they are fraudulent instruments if thye Libor was manipulated by any amount.

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 09:05 | 2612437 JackT
JackT's picture

How many more billions were lost due to time spent reading JPM's garbage.  Because we all know that's what this is...pure garbage. 

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:01 | 2613154 Whiner
Whiner's picture

Synthetic Group closed down and trades moved to IB. Yeah, I get it.

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