Germany "Raises" €55.5 Billion, or 1% Of Its Debt/GDP Ratio, Thanks To Derivative "Accounting Error"

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Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:14 | 1823442 SGS
SGS's picture

Print, scam, print.  Ponzi continuum 101.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:19 | 1823455 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

Someone's got to lead the servants.

What do we the people need.

Machine guns. Yes machine guns.

Hmm. Maybe now we need spycraft tools. Yes spycraft tools.

Ok now we need solar energy and windmills for the servants so we have enough oil to continue carrying our machine guns where we want them. Save the planet!! I mean our oil supply.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:24 | 1823465 Earl of Chiswick
Earl of Chiswick's picture

The German Shepherd ate my homework

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:37 | 1823520 jekyll island
jekyll island's picture

I need an accountant like the one Germany has, I wonder if he is taking new clients.  


Sat, 10/29/2011 - 06:38 | 1823633 LeonardoFibonacci
LeonardoFibonacci's picture

Where is Bernie Madoff when you need him.  He could Ponzi the shit out of the European finances.  As a matter of fact anyone of the same origins would be an expert to take europeans for all they have.  Yet this type of scam was ERADICATED under the Fuhrer. 

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 08:44 | 1824036 mikla
mikla's picture

Treasury error - collect $$

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 09:33 | 1824070 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Using GAEAP, Generally Accepted Enron Accounting Principles, we have found ........

From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs.

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 11:34 | 1824193 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"there's a disturbance in the Force."
"i've noted it too Emperor."

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 16:01 | 1824734 NumberNone
Sat, 10/29/2011 - 09:26 | 1824064 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

LOOKIE, we just found a whole years worth of GDP in an old mason jar. We forgot to add our tax revenue for 2005 and 2006. Now back to work BITCHEZ.

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 11:24 | 1824182 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Brings to mind the scene from National Lampoons Vacation where Russ asks Clark after getting busted swimming with a topless 'poolside waitress', 'Sure I believe ya dad dad, but do you think mom will buy it'?

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 03:57 | 1823895 FinHits
FinHits's picture

I love the smell of €55 billion in the morning.

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 10:42 | 1824129 Raskolnikoff
Raskolnikoff's picture

human nature is rotten to its very core, given the opportunity man will always find innovative ways to debase himself

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:30 | 1823486 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture


The Elysee just released a statement that Sarkozy found a trillion euro bill underneath the presidential couch.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:40 | 1823527 sabra1
sabra1's picture

Timmy G. was just found between Janet Napolitano's cheeks, in which he proclaimed, "i'm never doing crack, ever again!"

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 08:56 | 1824040 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

Home run!  Love it!!!

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 23:42 | 1823636 LeonardoFibonacci
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Yeah right where he bastardly impregnated his former justice minister Rachida Dati.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 23:54 | 1823666 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

He was just explaining to her what inFELLATION means*


*She did actually make the confusion and let slip the word fellation in a TV interview.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:40 | 1823528 jekyll island
jekyll island's picture

No, Germany just found the extra money in the suitpants hanging in the closet.  I mean in their old wallet.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 23:16 | 1823605 max2205
max2205's picture

Come on they just wrote up the CDS trigger that never happened. Wait, we'll see more sovereigns do the same. Dexia will be solvent when they write up that 'reserve'.

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 04:12 | 1823898 FinHits
FinHits's picture

Oldie but goldie (I give this one USD 2000 per ounce):

There once was a business owner of a shaky German bank who was interviewing people for a CEO position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question "how much is 2+2?"

The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced, "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02".

The mathematician said, "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof."

The physicist declared, "It's in the magnitude of 1x101."

The logician paused for a long while and then said, "This problem is solvable."

The social worker said, "I don't know the answer, but I am glad that we discussed this important question.

The attorney stated, "In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4."

The trader asked, "Are you buying or selling?"

The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "What would you like it to be?"

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 04:25 | 1823905 Dicite justitiam
Dicite justitiam's picture

Thanks!  EMP LSAT, Accountant.  got it.

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 05:44 | 1823934 FinHits
FinHits's picture

Obviously the Trader and the Attorney were very close runner-ups, but their correct answers would have been:

The Trader: "I'll give you 8 for that position, if you write me a CDS", and for The Lawyer: "In the European Commission vs. ISDA, the answer was deemed to be -4".


However, I am glad to report the tale had a happy enging:

- The Trader front-runned the trade with insider information, shorting the German bank, and made €1 billion "profit" and €200 million cash bonus

- The Attorney sued the Business Owner and got €10 million compensation for unfair treatment

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 16:21 | 1824790 Dicite justitiam
Dicite justitiam's picture


Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:50 | 1823554 Milestones
Milestones's picture

What next? A butter knife into an upside down piggy bank? This suggestion from my 8 year old grandson!!    Milestones 

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 08:53 | 1824038 Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

He sounds like an enemy combatant. Surely a lone wolf with repressed anti semetic tendencies. A family social officer of the establishment will be required to moderate your household in the future.

Sad but true, this is the world you are leaving him. Think about that shit.

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 14:10 | 1824505 strangeglove
strangeglove's picture

That shi Bitchezzz. Thar fixed it for ya

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 00:22 | 1823705 knukles
knukles's picture


Next should we not ask (as if you couldn't see that coming, eh?) just what these derivative contracts were on, who the counter-party is and what the terms and conditions might be. 
Like are they worthless or money good Greek paper, after all, is the WorstMonkeyShinesGeshuntiteSchankerBank that found this shit officially part of or not part of the on the budget or off the budget official institutions role or not, like is the shit money good?

And for that matter, why in the world would we at this moment bother to think any derivative is money good?  Or where we once thought the Greeks liars, the Italians sly, the Germans humorless and the French pussies, this lack of Germanic Precision leads Onkle HerrDoktor Knukles to say that there is Fuck All Nothing Left Worth Believing in the Whole Fucking EuroZone.


Sat, 10/29/2011 - 07:18 | 1823987 covert
covert's picture

this is worthy of study, debt more than equity. maybe a bubble here?


Sat, 10/29/2011 - 07:42 | 1823994 Azannoth
Azannoth's picture

"..after all this is merely the creation and destruction of electronic ones and zeros in the span of nanoseconds in one computer's random access memory.." - nothing a good EMP burst could not fix

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 09:09 | 1824050 trampstamp
trampstamp's picture

It's like I'm going to shit on the world and there is not a fucking thing you can do about.

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 10:16 | 1824110 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

They may be able to ginger up a plausible cause by pretending to own a 56 million gold Perth mint coin. By applying fractional reserve central banking principles, 55 billion could easily be created out of thin air. This solves the mystery of misallocated funds and/or keystroke error.


Perth Mint Makes World's Largest Gold Coin


Sat, 10/29/2011 - 11:41 | 1824196 peekcrackers
peekcrackers's picture


 roughly one quadrillion in derivatives floating out there, the bulk of which nobody has any clue what they are, where they are, and what they are collateralized by,

everyday i m shuffling ( Ben brakes out in a melbourne shuffle ) 


Sat, 10/29/2011 - 12:46 | 1824336 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

Germany's upcoming slogan........

'On your Deutch Mark.   Get set.  Print!!!!!!'

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:14 | 1823446 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Debt problems, bitchez.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:18 | 1823450 Element
Element's picture

A song that says it all

It's All Over Now, Baby Blue

You must leave now, take what you need, you think will last
But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast
Yonder stands your orphan with his gun
Crying like a fire in the sun
Look out the saints are comin’ through
And it’s all over now, Baby Blue

The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense
Take what you have gathered from coincidence
The empty-handed painter from your streets
Is drawing crazy patterns on your sheets
This sky, too, is folding under you
And it’s all over now, Baby Blue

All your seasick sailors, they are rowing home
All your reindeer armies, are all going home
The lover who just walked out your door
Has taken all his blankets from the floor
The carpet, too, is moving under you
And it’s all over now, Baby Blue

Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you
Forget the dead you’ve left, they will not follow you
The vagabond who’s rapping at your door
Is standing in the clothes that you once wore
Strike another match, go start anew
And it’s all over now, Baby Blue


Fri, 10/28/2011 - 23:28 | 1823618 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

thxz!   here's the original ('65-ish):

Bob Dylan - It's all over now baby blue - YouTube

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 23:46 | 1823640 Element
Element's picture

Yeah I have a different Dylan version to that one, already, and love it, I think I like Bonnet's version just as much though.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:18 | 1823453 data_monkey
data_monkey's picture

Maybe the US will find some accounting problems?...I bet they'd go the other direction though.

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 07:59 | 1824005 Mike2756
Mike2756's picture

Oh, i bet there's a couple hundred billion floating around Iraq, it might be freshly printed but it's there just the same.

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 10:51 | 1824140 unununium
unununium's picture

Here ya go!  It's on like Donkey Kong

October 25, 2011

Iraq War’s ’Missing’ $6.6 Billion Is Discovered in Central Bank

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:19 | 1823454 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

Sounds to me , Hypo RE holdings hired Timmy's old tax accountant.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:20 | 1823458 Rob Jones
Rob Jones's picture

Amazing what you can find when you look under the seat cushions!

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:37 | 1823521 Aguadulce
Aguadulce's picture

In other news the Irish just found 100 tons of gold at the end of a rainbow!

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 23:50 | 1823657 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

More like "the Americans."

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 00:00 | 1823677 Pancho Villa
Pancho Villa's picture

That's funny, because it just so happens that I lost €55.5 bn the last time I visited Hypo Real Estate Holding.

I wonder what the number for their "Lost and Found" department is...

Sat, 10/29/2011 - 00:22 | 1823708 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

But I notice that in a derivative world it's a lot easier to find the "errors" than the collateral.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 22:21 | 1823462 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

What's really amazing is while looking for the electronic cash they found a treasure map to 300 tons of gold.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 23:18 | 1823608 i-dog
i-dog's picture

... with a big 'X' on 33 Liberty. They'll have fun getting it back to Germany.

Fri, 10/28/2011 - 23:59 | 1823675 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

I was wondering the same thing....

Maybe Timmah lost his NYFRB gold the same way he messed up on his taxes.

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