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Get A Citi Rewards Card, Buy Women
When spending rewards dollars on things like knife sets, LCD TVs and restaurant reservations is just a little too 2011, here comes Citi to spice things up a bit.
Consumerist tries to make some sense of Citi rewards' incentives... and fails:
Is there no limit to what banking rewards programs will cover these days? Flights, hotel rooms, rental cars, electronics, women. Wait -- what?
Consumerist reader F. is a member of Citi's Extra Cash rewards program and saw they could earn 100 points just for taking this survey. But when F. got to this question about "What products or services are you considering purchasing using your Extra Cash?", they noticed that apparently Extra Cash can be spent on adult human females.
We're sending this to Citi, because we're pretty sure this isn't what the survey was meant to say.
Maybe this is a special Citi card only designed exclusively for bankers, in which case it would make perfect sense of course. We would imagine however that only taxpayer bailout cash would be used for female purchases. Anything less would just be uncivilized.
And here we were thinking that HFT trading was cutthroat: it seems that when it comes to differentiating yourself in the saturated credit card rewards industry it is a truly no holds barred nuclear war. And no woman will be spared... Or overpriced.
Finally, we hear "Politicians" was just below the fold.
h/t Josh Zumbrun
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Did someone manipulate the webpage? The magic of "developer mode"
This was supposed to go to the investment banking division, not the peasant consumers!
Heed the advice of a man who has been married for a long time: You're better off renting..............
hahaha +1
If it flies, floats, or fucks ...
Rent it.
Rent-a-Duck! Coming soon in a shopping-center near you!
Buying women is nothing abnormal for the elite.
...or for many of the rest of us ; )
There is a difference between "bought" and "rented". But you're gonna pay, one way or the other.
The JPM/Chase cards give you points for leasing.
Renting is a much better option. I got my wife a Citi card years ago, only to find out my rewards points were always subject to blackout dates.
So this Citi rewards card is like an EBT card then? ;-)
Gits me some ho's, bitches!
Rome revisited
And so you should.
The brand new Presidential Black Card presented by Citi, exclusively for Secret Service Members, Politicians, and Banker Sugardaddies. Buy women handpicked for your masochistic pleasure.
.
There's a category for those with extra Citi cash that's labeled 'Politicians/Whores.'
I guess if you pay them enough they'll get whatever narrowly focused, highly specific & incredibly destructive (to the nation) legislation you want passed enacted, and then the sluts of D.C. will give you a rim job, Dirty Sanchez, or even toss your salad.
It's not as if some Senators and House Members are even so bold and brazen as to have prostitutes make house calls to their official, taxpayer provided, government offices. /s
It's a felcher Congress.
Long midgets
Is it because women have that special place where U can swipe a card?
That makes sense...its magnetic.
oxymoron?
The best part is that when you're done they leave.
I hope that when they record the transaction, they use a descriptor like "other professional services" or some such.
In the immortal words of Charlie Sheen, "I'm not paying to sleep with them, I'm paying for them to go away when I'm done sleeping with them."
my buddy... "I'm not paying for sex, I'm paying for piece of mind"
Just stick to buying hotels ;)
Thanks for the advice. I'm a renter but wasn't sure if I should keep renting or start looking around to buy. Guess I'll keep renting then. Renting makes me feel free. I can change my surroundings whenever I feel like it. Yaaaaaay renting.
So what are you saying? Muppets can't buy women with their Citi rewards?
it's like kids who want a puppy to play with...
but you also need to concider that somebody needs to walk them,
feed them,
take them to the vet,
....
woman/puppies aren't just to play with.... big responsability you know....
This is a legitimate question in certain parts of Asia and Nevada.
This is for a Government Contract Card issued to the Secret Service.
I'm sold. I'm gonna get myself a Citi card so I can buy some bitches!
buy them online! chinese are cheaper!! 2 for the price of 1!!!
the speech module isn't up to standard,
BUT WHO BUYS ONE TO LISTEN TO RIGHT?'
Yeah, but the more ya eat the hungrier ya get!!!
Pure gold!
Women, uhm.....bitches!
All your woman are belong to us!
Shouldnt it say Bitchezzzz?
Are they good at plough?
isn't that illegal since 2011?
Citi gave me $550 in free rewards cards because of an errant email they sent when my application for credit was approved.
Thanks Citi!!!
still hands down are larger source of capital destruction known to man. pussy
Everyone around here talks about ASE's, Pandas, Maples... all that shit...
Wanna know something?... Stock up on JUNK (pre-64 Rosies, Mercury dimes, etc...)... Cause when TSHTF... That's what u may need to transact in these circles...
They will all have value. The junk may be good for small transactions but then again maybe not. How many of the dumbshits you see around have any idea what a real silver coin is, let alone worth?
I love the ping when one hits the table. As a kid, I used to listen to the coin counter for the pitch of a silver coin. Unmistakable.
You can get bags of junk for cheap. They aren't pretty, but they are well known.
Very good for transactions if things were to ever get bad.
pods
That's total nonsense.. When TSHTF in any real way are you going to expect or "hope" that the local grocery store clerk is going to know the value of pre '64 coinage? Very few people do.. those that do know go to the net for current accepted average value based on condition..
What do you do when there is no normal internet to get value ?
Start saving regular change and convert as many FRNs to nickels.. It will weigh down your safe, and no one really wants that change yet anyway. When TSHTF! and no one can get FRN's from the bank your 'change' gets real, real valuable.
Keep the PMs and junk to yourself.. for the kids ;-)
Well if/when TSHTF, there are not going to be any grocery stores. At least not any that actually sell things. Maybe bum/zombie housing, but the JIT delivery system is NOT going to hold up?
You would be surprised at how easy it would be for people to determine a value for exchange, and I would bet on silver rather than slug coinage.
pods
"...I would bet on silver rather than slug coinage. "
I would too.. But, now you and your counter party need to know how to test for purity..
Slug coinage at face value removes that barrier..
Frankly, without Ben's furious printing and bubbling up the ponzi we're all screwed.
Prepared or not.
I think that if we actually do start to get raw money printing that gets out into the economy that coinage, and to a lesser degree all currency will decouple from $$.
There is only so much cash, and even less coinage than digital dollars around, so decoupling is a distinct possibility.
Purity will not be challenged on junk silver for small purchases.
Now, a larger gold bar for buying something big. But junk silver will be fine.
Of course, you might start to hear them being called "a real quarter."
pods
Question: If TSHTF what big items are you going to trade gold bars for? Who are all these suppliers that we are worrying about trading PM's with? I guess maybe I am a bit confused but if the JIT delivery systems fail who is going to trade food for PM's and what other commodity besides shelter which no one is going to give away for any amount of junk or pretty silver coiniage will be more important?
Trade a bar of gold for most of a state and all its utlities, with enough left over to pay enough people to run said utilities, then take payment for services in metal, food, booze, weed, and women.
It's the NEW AND IMPROVED barter system guv'na.
dup.. oops..
When TSHTF in any real way are you going to expect or "hope" that the local grocery store clerk is going to know the value of pre '64 coinage?
They'll learn. Desperation is a great incentive.
Iphone already has an App for that...
Nickel/copper alloy slugs for SHTF use? Who is going to think these have any value?
maybe they'll be "fiat coins"? gotta have something to smooth out the barter. - Ned
I think copper will have a higher value than most think in a SHTF scenario. Based on stuff I've found detecting, copper used to be used to make/fabricate a hell of a lot of stuff at a local level, and I think a huge part of that was because it's easily workable in a cold state. Little boxes, corner covers, boot rivets, small print plates, shims, bearings, crush washers, etc... Copper pennies would be the be-all of commerce in something you can use to actually make and repair stuff yourself, they might even rival the .22 LR as the "dime of the apocalypse" lol...
at iDealMeat
"What do you do when there is no normal internet to get value ?" re knowing the value for pre '65 coinage?
How about the free market?
Then, I can't follow your logic re saving nickels - you think people will know that a nickel has 75% nickel metal and 25% copper but won't know that pre '65 coinage has 90% silver? And that people will favor nickel metal over silver?
check out recent charts of China's recent import of gold via Hong Kong...then compare that to recent silver imports....ya mean ya can't find any evidence of silver import...why is that?
...and that friends is the reason you should really think hard on this silver vs gold question...REALLY HARD
If you scroll down the next option was Dirty Women.
Or was that the Goldman Sachs questionnaire?
Easy mistake.
I'll buy that for a dollar!!!
My motto is... FUCK 'EM if they take plastic... (No ~ seriously, in this case)....
NO PROBLEM!!
JUST PUT YOUR CARD IN THE SLUT!
Of course, the REAL issue here is that the Citi solicitation is so out of date, PC-wise. Where is the option of "MEN?"
Barney Frankfurter will introduce legislation very soon regulating these surveys.
Thank the gods, bawney fwank will be off for full-time with his duuuuuude as of January. - Ned
I have it on good authority (Harry Reid) they're both closeted Chick-Filet fans.
When will they "come out"? ;-)
Secret Service
Finally!
Now I have a way to curb my wife's spending. "Hey baby, if you keep spending money on crap we don't need, soon I'll be able to afford to buy some women with our reward points."
Do they have FedEx delivery?
Yes, but explosive materials must ship FedEx Ground with proper labeling.
Sign rockraider3 up (& give him a bonus)!...
+1 Funniest post of the day.
Maybe she'll surprise you and start spending more!!
"Honey, look what I picked up at Bloomingdales for us today!"
;-)
bitchez?
Blonde, Asian, Black, Latino, Brunette, Middle Eastern, European,
Yummy!
But not in that order.
Muppet edition. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENoWQO0GVCk&feature=related
God I hope you mean LatinA.
Truth is stranger than fiction. Those female bankers are going to be pissed, "men" are still a niche market apparently.
The lesbians, not, but the gays, yes.
Clearly Citi made very non-PC error here....highly insulting to straight qomen and gay men.
It was only a matter of time...
Maybe soon they'll be able to send money to Al-Qaeda with their CITI card.
http://www.rt.com/news/syria-rebels-us-donations-997/
Washington green-lights American donations to Syrian rebels
The US government has permitted its citizens to start donating money to Syria’s opposition, paving the way for direct help from US nationals to the rebel fighters.
When (if) they come back, i hope they will be deployed in Frankfurt and Brussels, not to say London, Paris and Rome.
Please note that Donating to the Syrian Free Army will place you in violation of "Providing material support to designated terrorist groups". This will get you NDAA'd.
Obummer should be in the slammer under his own dictat.
WTF
It is only a matter of time before they feel comfortable enough to put "politicians" on that list of things bought.
Even women (hot adult females with no tan lines,, not the 300 pound behemoth's whose favorite hobbies are popping zits and walking in the refridgerator) will become a commodity in the near future. All ready seeing it now, when 4 women offered to be my live in nanny with payment in room and board. Just saying.
Really? People are that desperate?
It is funny to know if we keep going on the path we are on, will wealth be the new de facto "attraction" alpha male trait. It's already strong now, as evidenced by 70 year old men dating 20 year olds.
Man look at that stock market.
Real trading ain't the last minutes anymore Tyler. They getting down to an art in seconds.
Insiders are selling, something is cooking.
Isn't that how things work anyway ? Many women are venal creatures -money does buy them. There are of course some exceptions to this rule but less that you think, esp for very beautiful women.
Is there a catagory for loose women who don't want to cuddle afterwards?
I think they are categorized as "Most Desirable".
I spent $76,520 on hookers, booze and dancers ...., but mainly on hookers
Margin Call
http://www.traileraddict.com/clip/margin-call/hookers
......and the rest of the $100,000 I wasted.
on a porche...
$100,000 Porsche
Best investment in pussy you could ever make
( I just might know a little bit about that :)
Hoochies!!!!!!!
Par for the course.
When my father died, it took Fidelity two business days to transfer his Trust account into a newly created one in my name. Citibank? Five hellish weeks.
The left hand didn't even realize that there was a right hand...
Must be the localized survey for Saudi Arabia.
Imagine someone stealing your identity and buying a sex orgy, the owner stops payment and a pimp shows up at your door. He will believe your story in a minute , apologize and leave. Sure he will. Actually in my youth i took some comfort in Nevada and though i paid cash they did take credit cards.
Treasury burned through 25 billion on Friday....
Ugh, coincidence with Knight flailing....
A man stands on a street corner with a sign. He is begging. The street is dirty, dry, and dusty. Behind him huddle two young women. A man in a dark hat and dark suit aproaches them.
"How much for your women?" He asks in a deep and gruff voice as he stands before them.
The man looks up with an expression of desperation. "These are my daughters, man!"
"How much for your daughters?"
Next we see the man in the suit ride off on a large horse with both the women on the back. The man with the sign sits with his head buried in his knees.
...the Whore of 666 Citi of Babylon ain't no mystery now ...bitchez. U.N.believable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ97wzMOOS0
Consumption is the patriotic duty that is only legal by now. Please buy evething local, includng the local pussies. To be patriotic, I have always consumed my local beer and local women. May the Force be with you!
Any red blooded American male would step up to the plate and hit a homerun for the red, white and blue
Should add another category for New York Banks to include Iran.Would you care to launder money for a British Bank?Yes or No?Can I re-route the money through the New York office?Take a look on Forexfactory for the story or go to the New York Times.The news story is by Jessica Silver-Greenberg and published on August 6/2012.Titled "British bank Accused of Hiding Transactions with Iranians"The Bank is named Standard Chartered Bank and the sums total over 200 Billion over ten years.Need support for your nuclear program Iran?No problem,London and New York need the transaction fees.The criminal masterminds that run these Banks launder a lot more than just dope money.Think anyone will go to jail?Na,not a chance,just add another box to check for sending money to Iran,and make it so that it's bigger and right under the noses of corrupt American politicians and in plain sight to boot.
Oh, in Iran they go to jail - or worse. Just recently...
Can I get one free for each paid with my Citycard?
I didn't buy that woman. Someone else did.
You didn't Tap that...
if you keep the pricetagd on, you can always return them
Usually they're understanding if you explain that it didn't fit just right, and they'll let you exchange it for a different one
Must be for their Saudi peninsula customers only.
This must be fake cause I don't see "blow" (aka coke) on that list of choices.
Past a certain point of candor all the romance goes out of things. Is Citibank a foreplay free zone or something?
You didn't tap that...
Up front costs are typically small compared to the high-maintenance fees.
just like this market . .none are buy and hold just swing trade them. capital destruction at its utmoast
dear citi,
how do you plan to spend your bonus?:
hookers
blow
yacht
congreffcritter
other
Dang! Is this going to make the price os a good BJ go up??
do we still get mileage on American.
Are you looking for a woman with frequent flier miles?
mile high club!
http://www.australianmilehighclub.com/
Can I cash in my reward points for PMs?
Perhaps some of those small trade gold bars?
Can I use my Citi Rewards dollars to buy the COCAINUM? COCAINUM!!!! - YouTube
They also give you a T-Shirt -"I got screwed by CitiBank".
What about "I was Corzined by MF Global."
I like borrowing money at zero percent off those dumb asses. To stack silver and lead. May as well add bitchez!
Hmmm, seems developers at Wall Street firms are having rough time of late..
I'm gonna wait till I get a Groupon discount on women.
What products are you considering purchasing with your extra cash?
Bath salts?
I live in COLOMBIA..I can use that......but I wonder where you swipe it....
At Point of Sale of course...
too bad, so sad for the secret service that she didn't have one in Cartagena
ughhhh groan..... sick fuckers lol
Why do they have a selection to only buy women? Citi already OWN women ... and... men ... in debt slavery,
I want Peggy
I'm suprised there isn't a chck box for cocaine.
what is this doing on zerohedge? Keep the funny internet typos to facebook or dealbreaker, along with pictures of cute puppies and your fat family.
I hear you.
I'll take your bait and argue why it is worth our attention.
We spend a lot of time here debating who is doing what and who is responsible for what. I typically argue it is the culture rather than overt conspiracy myself, for instance. Common interests yield groups of folks who support each other in a sort of flying by the seat of the pants, ad-hoc, kind of thievery.
But, this kind of thing, or the post that argued that the Knight algo was a test program that was allowed to run loose on the NYSE, or the regulators that don't seem to be understand how to regulate; it would seem that gross incompetence is just as responsible for our plight as is the structure of the financial system and the culture of the individuals inhabiting it.
Said another way both thieves and dumbasses are free to do whatever the fuck they please because no one is holding them accountable. This "Survey Question" is the result of an unedited dumbass allowed free reign. Theft is the result of an unchecked cleptocracy that has gotten out of hand. The test algo that got loose was another instance where something was "unchecked."
Great response!
Citi still has morals: Adult women.
more bad investment advice from the Citi, yer better off in PMs or even equities
So glad I stayed unmarried. Phew the pool of 'men' is a cesspool.
Well, how about asking the man himself.
http://dailybail.com/home/want-to-talk-to-vikram-pandit-ceo-of-citigroup...
We could start our own alternative currency with junk silver quite easily...just offer it in lieu of paper, and because those doing so would understand that the "official" price is manipulated, people would figure out what "premium" would work best based on fractional spot values and anticipation of rising silver prices...I do this now in my store where we buy gold and silver: if someone has junk coins I'll accept them for goods at a higher ratio than just scrap...if enough of this true commerce was taking place, then it would have an effect on silver spot as bullion houses would have to raise prices to cover against a domestic carry trade...several states have passed laws making silver and gold legal tender (no tax on gains) and this idea should see a lot of support from here forward...an old silver dime is a beautiful thing and could easily evolve into a replacement for one of those cheesy $5 dollar bills...
...keep buyin' and keep sellin'...we can make a difference...
"Prostitutes are great. You call them up. They come over. You have sex with them. You pay them .They leave. Prostitutes are great." - Woody Allan