Get A Citi Rewards Card, Buy Women

Tyler Durden's picture


When spending rewards dollars on things like knife sets, LCD TVs and restaurant reservations is just a little too 2011, here comes Citi to spice things up a bit.

Consumerist tries to make some sense of Citi rewards' incentives... and fails:

Is there no limit to what banking rewards programs will cover these days? Flights, hotel rooms, rental cars, electronics, women. Wait -- what?


Consumerist reader F. is a member of Citi's Extra Cash rewards program and saw they could earn 100 points just for taking this survey. But when F. got to this question about "What products or services are you considering purchasing using your Extra Cash?", they noticed that apparently Extra Cash can be spent on adult human females.


We're sending this to Citi, because we're pretty sure this isn't what the survey was meant to say.

Maybe this is a special Citi card only designed exclusively for bankers, in which case it would make perfect sense of course. We would imagine however that only taxpayer bailout cash would be used for female purchases. Anything less would just be uncivilized.

And here we were thinking that HFT trading was cutthroat: it seems that when it comes to differentiating yourself in the saturated credit card rewards industry it is a truly no holds barred nuclear war. And no woman will be spared... Or overpriced.

Finally, we hear "Politicians" was just below the fold.

h/t Josh Zumbrun

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Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:00 | 2682631 veyron
veyron's picture

Did someone manipulate the webpage?  The magic of "developer mode"

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:05 | 2682666 redpill
redpill's picture

This was supposed to go to the investment banking division, not the peasant consumers!

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:15 | 2682703 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

Heed the advice of a man who has been married for a long time: You're better off renting..............

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:19 | 2682716 resurger
resurger's picture

hahaha +1

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:24 | 2682734 PhattyBuoy
PhattyBuoy's picture

If it flies, floats, or fucks ...

Rent it.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:27 | 2682743 SheepRevolution
SheepRevolution's picture

Rent-a-Duck! Coming soon in a shopping-center near you!

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:28 | 2682745 Aziz
Aziz's picture

Buying women is nothing abnormal for the elite.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:39 | 2682778 Popo
Popo's picture

...or for many of the rest of us  ; )


Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:19 | 2682906 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

There is a difference between "bought" and "rented". But you're gonna pay, one way or the other.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:34 | 2682929 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

The JPM/Chase cards give you points for leasing.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:48 | 2682962 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Renting is a much better option.  I got my wife a Citi card years ago, only to find out my rewards points were always subject to blackout dates. 

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 18:18 | 2683020 nmewn
nmewn's picture

So this Citi rewards card is like an EBT card then? ;-)

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 18:52 | 2683077 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Gits me some ho's, bitches!

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 19:50 | 2683182 Doña K
Doña K's picture

Rome revisited

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 18:50 | 2683073 swamp
swamp's picture

And so you should.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:51 | 2682815 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

The brand new Presidential Black Card presented by Citi, exclusively for Secret Service Members, Politicians, and Banker Sugardaddies.  Buy women handpicked for your masochistic pleasure.  

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:09 | 2682838 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture



"Finally, we hear "Politicians" was just below the fold."


There's a category for those with extra Citi cash that's labeled 'Politicians/Whores.'

I guess if you pay them enough they'll get whatever narrowly focused, highly specific & incredibly destructive (to the nation) legislation you want passed enacted, and then the sluts of D.C. will give you a rim job, Dirty Sanchez, or even toss your salad.

It's not as if some Senators and House Members are even so bold and brazen as to have prostitutes make house calls to their official, taxpayer provided, government offices.  /s

It's a felcher Congress.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:55 | 2682832 magpie
magpie's picture

Long midgets

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:11 | 2682881 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Is it because women have that special place where U can swipe a card?

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 18:20 | 2683025 nmewn
nmewn's picture

That makes sense...its magnetic.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:33 | 2682927 Agent P
Agent P's picture


Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:21 | 2682722 toady
toady's picture

The best part is that when you're done they leave.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:24 | 2682735 Vashta Nerada
Vashta Nerada's picture

I hope that when they record the transaction, they use a descriptor like "other professional services"  or some such.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:21 | 2682908 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

In the immortal words of Charlie Sheen, "I'm not paying to sleep with them, I'm paying for them to go away when I'm done sleeping with them."

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 20:48 | 2683315 Calculated_Risk
Calculated_Risk's picture

my buddy... "I'm not paying for sex, I'm paying for piece of mind"

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:39 | 2682777 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Just stick to buying hotels ;)

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:09 | 2682875 Apeman
Apeman's picture

Thanks for the advice. I'm a renter but wasn't sure if I should keep renting or start looking around to buy. Guess I'll keep renting then. Renting makes me feel free. I can change my surroundings whenever I feel like it. Yaaaaaay renting.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:22 | 2682726 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

So what are you saying? Muppets can't buy women with their Citi rewards?

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:35 | 2682930 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

it's like kids who want a puppy to play with...
but you also need to concider that somebody needs to walk them,
feed them,
take them to the vet,
woman/puppies aren't just to play with.... big responsability you know....

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:30 | 2682753 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

This is a legitimate question in certain parts of Asia and Nevada.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:34 | 2682768 LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

This is for a Government Contract Card issued to the Secret Service.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:05 | 2682863 midtowng
midtowng's picture

I'm sold. I'm gonna get myself a Citi card so I can buy some bitches!

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:37 | 2682935 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

buy them online! chinese are cheaper!! 2 for the price of 1!!!
the speech module isn't up to standard,

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 18:23 | 2683028 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Yeah, but the more ya eat the hungrier ya get!!!

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:00 | 2682634 Jlmadyson
Jlmadyson's picture

Pure gold!

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:17 | 2682708 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Women, uhm.....bitches!

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:00 | 2682635 Badabing
Badabing's picture

All your woman are belong to us!

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:00 | 2682636 Dumpster Fire
Dumpster Fire's picture

Shouldnt it say Bitchezzzz?

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:01 | 2682638 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Are they good at plough?

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:39 | 2682938 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

isn't that illegal since 2011?

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:01 | 2682642 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

Citi gave me $550 in free rewards cards because of an errant email they sent when my application for credit was approved.

Thanks Citi!!!

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:01 | 2682643 Meesohaawnee
Meesohaawnee's picture

still hands down are larger source of capital destruction known to man. pussy

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:07 | 2682671 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Everyone around here talks about ASE's, Pandas, Maples... all that shit...

Wanna know something?... Stock up on JUNK (pre-64 Rosies, Mercury dimes, etc...)... Cause when TSHTF... That's what u may need to transact in these circles...

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:15 | 2682702 ATM
ATM's picture

They will all have value. The junk may be good for small transactions but then again maybe not. How many of the dumbshits you see around have any idea what a real silver coin is, let alone worth?

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:31 | 2682759 pods
pods's picture

I love the ping when one hits the table.  As a kid, I used to listen to the coin counter for the pitch of a silver coin.  Unmistakable.  

You can get bags of junk for cheap. They aren't pretty, but they are well known.  

Very good for transactions if things were to ever get bad.


Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:30 | 2682751 iDealMeat
iDealMeat's picture

That's total nonsense..  When TSHTF in any real way are you going to expect or "hope" that the local grocery store clerk is going to know the value of pre '64 coinage? Very few people do.. those that do know go to the net for current accepted average value based on condition..

What do you do when there is no normal internet to get value ?


Start saving regular change and convert as many FRNs to nickels.. It will weigh down your safe, and no one really wants that change yet anyway. When TSHTF! and no one can get FRN's from the bank your 'change' gets real, real valuable.


Keep the PMs and junk to yourself..  for the kids ;-)



Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:35 | 2682769 pods
pods's picture

Well if/when TSHTF, there are not going to be any grocery stores.  At least not any that actually sell things.  Maybe bum/zombie housing, but the JIT delivery system is NOT going to hold up?

You would be surprised at how easy it would be for people to determine a value for exchange, and I would bet on silver rather than slug coinage.


Mon, 08/06/2012 - 16:56 | 2682820 iDealMeat
iDealMeat's picture

"...I would bet on silver rather than slug coinage. "

I would too..  But, now you and your counter party need to know how to test for purity..

Slug coinage at face value removes that barrier..


Frankly, without Ben's furious printing and bubbling up the ponzi we're all screwed.

Prepared or not.

Mon, 08/06/2012 - 17:13 | 2682889 pods
pods's picture

I think that if we actually do start to get raw money printing that gets out into the economy that coinage, and to a lesser degree all currency will decouple from $$.

There is only so much cash, and even less coinage than digital dollars around, so decoupling is a distinct possibility.

Purity will not be challenged on junk silver for small purchases.  

Now, a larger gold bar for buying something big.  But junk silver will be fine.  

Of course, you might start to hear them being called "a real quarter."


Mon, 08/06/2012 - 19:10 | 2683112 CptAwesome
CptAwesome's picture

Question: If TSHTF what big items are you going to trade gold bars for?  Who are all these suppliers that we are worrying about trading PM's with?  I guess maybe I am a bit confused but if the JIT delivery systems fail who is going to trade food for PM's and what other commodity besides shelter which no one is going to give away for any amount of junk or pretty silver coiniage will be more important?

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