Global Bailout Surprise Twist Endings Presents: "Stocks Soar As Investors Bet On Gov't Rescue Plan"

Tyler Durden's picture

First Black Friday, and now the Modern Finance Farce Company With Surprise Twist Endings takes on the global bailout...

Wall Street had another extraordinary rally Friday as investors stormed back into the market, relieved that the government plans to restore calm to the financial system by rescuing banks from billions of dollars in bad debt. The Dow Jones industrials soared about 370 points, giving them a gain of about 780 over two days, and Treasurys fell as money flowed into equities.


The government's proposal, while still a work in progress, has placated investors who worried that a continuum of bad bets on mortgages would hobble more financial companies and cause further damage to the strained banking system and the overall economy.


"If a solid plan is put in place, it's definitely going to be a positive in easing the pain," said Stephen Carl, principal and head of equity trading at The Williams Capital Group. He added, though, that the set-up of any plan will determine its success.


Analysts said it was the first government response decisive enough to restore confidence in the markets; in the past, it has relied largely on steps like injecting cash into the banking system that, at least until now, had a limited impact.


"Everything they had done had been a Band-Aid approach, at the margins," said Jay Mueller, economist at Strong Capital Management. "Now we're dealing with the root problem."

Surprise twist: Date: September 19, 2008

h/t Naufal Sanaullah

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Pinch me, I think I have seen this movie before. 

johnu78's picture

I saw the movie too, it was called "Rollover" with Jane Fonda and Kris Kristofferson!



Michael's picture

"Gold Just Went Over $2000, By Tonight That'll Cheap" Rollover-1981

vegancapitalist's picture

"Now we're dealing with the root problem."

That should tell you everything you need to know about this idiot, I mean economist.

Manthong's picture

" said Jay Mueller, economist at Strong Capital Management. "Now we're dealing with the root problem."

I don't know whether to sigh or puke.

Tapeworm's picture

did you notice that gold did not keep up with any currency on the USD drop? Lame.

sitenine's picture

Isn't it obvious? The Freaked Out Money Changers (FOMC) have voted, and The Bernank has spoken. Debt is meaningless as long as you can borrow more 'money', don't you know? /sarc. This is it folks. The monetary system itself is being blown into the last, and certainly most impressive, of all super bubbles. Sure, it seems like a great deal now, but I wouldn't want to be holding too much of that 'asset' when the pop happens.

Baptiste Say's picture

I laughed heartily when I read "The Freaked Out Money Changers (FOMC)" :).

Oh regional Indian's picture

:-) Best FOMC I've seen in a long time. 

As for this game, crazy eh? Like a good twister, all thsi time it was just picking up speed.

Now it will pick up everything. India is making some of th emost shocking moves (Poreign Directr Investment in Retail, here comes Walmart, CDS issuance on all classes of debt.....)...

Months? Weeks? 



johnnynaps's picture

Unfortunately, the Bandits are great at kicking the can. I still think the measurement will be in years. When it blows though, me thinks the USA breaks apart like the Soviet Union.

qussl3's picture

Another economist at a hedge fund.

And we wonder why we have problems?

JSchroe's picture

This time it's different. The Bernank has everything under control.

Hansel's picture

+1, It's contained.  This plan will work.

lamont cranston's picture

Yeah, just like Kevin Bacon did during the parade mob scene clsoe to the end of Animal House. 

Rhone_Ranger's picture

It's obvious now, the Mayans were right and a fat-ass comet is headed straight for earth in 2012 and there isn't a fuckin thing that we can do about it.  TPTB and western governments must know this and are avoiding letting the public know to prevent all-out chaos.  Why else would they be so obviously destructive?


Who knows, at this pace, they may destroy the entire thing before the comet does?

navy62802's picture

Guess what'll survive the comet strike. That's right ... gold and silver.

Rhone_Ranger's picture

The true lender of last resort?

Uber Vandal's picture


Grab a bullwhip and beat the crap out of some bankers.

That's what he would do.



euphoria's picture

WHAT A TWIST! Definately Bullish. Buy AAPL.

nodhannum's picture

Where in hell do they get guys this delusional?  So printing is the answer?  Mon dieu!

Pool Shark's picture



It's like Déjà vu all over again...



Pool Shark's picture



It's like Déjà vu all over again...


caerus's picture

i see what you did there...

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

To a guy that is drinking winter brews, sometimes I see double!

Sometimes I see double!!

Oh regional Indian's picture

In hindi, Deja means (De ja) give and go.


Dr. Engali's picture

It's like Déjà vu all over again...

web bot's picture

It's like Déjà vu all over again...

Cartman's picture

Strong Capital Management -  I guess Madoff's economist didn't return the call.

boattrash's picture

I've been saying it for over ten fucking years now. They hit the wrong fucking buildings, should've been the FED and IMF buildings!

poor fella's picture

Taint no gold under dem buildings.....  think theys stoopid???  sheeeet.. 

phyuckyiu's picture

+1 Dancing Israeli for you!

Number 156's picture

T-minus 30 days to synchronized cliff diving.

HurricaneSeason's picture

The good news is the war is over if Pakistan doesn't let the nato trucks cross their border anymore. 100 fuel trucks a day at 14,000 gallon capacity and $700 a gallon = $1 billion a day in fuel plus 200 trucks a day of non-fuel supplies. That will cost 3 times as much now when they have to go through Russia and several other countries to get there or bring it in by helicopter. I thought the Afghanistan restructuring only cost about $500 billion over the last 10 years. Their math must be off. I wonder if Russia will let them cross their property at any price with the new missles in Europe pointed at them.

Tuffmug's picture

Welcome to our World! It's all a fraud, all the time. So you are sure the pea is under the center shell? So you are sure the market has to crash? It's an easy game. Get your money down suck- ah fella and we'll take a look under that shell. OH! Too bad! Market up 500 points. FED stole that pea again. Keep playing. Maybe you'll get that crash tomorrow.

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Wall Street had another extraordinary rally Friday as investors stormed back into the market, relieved that the government plans to restore calm to the financial system by rescuing banks from billions of dollars in bad debt.

Yeah, no, that was price valuations pricing in the collapse of the value of fiat.

caerus's picture least we've still got jimi...


star spangled banner

badgerman67's picture

Different year same BS....

Analysis of November's Report
Print the PDF Version of the ADP Report

Wednesday, December 5, 2007, 8:15 am EST

Nonfarm private employment grew 189,000 from October to November of 2007 on a seasonally adjusted basis, according to the ADP National Employment Report®. The estimated change in employment from September to October was revised up 13,000 to 119,000. November's increase of 189,000 marked a further acceleration of nonfarm private employment. The three-month average change in employment for September through November was 123,000, up from 43,000 during the three-month period from July through September.

The strength in employment during November was fairly broad-based. Even in manufacturing, construction, and financial services, sectors where employment has been under downward pressure, there are signs of accelerating employment.

Employment in the service-providing sector of the economy grew a very strong 197,000, while employment in the goods-producing sector declined a modest 8,000, the twelfth consecutive monthly decline. However, this is the smallest decline in the goods-producing sector during the last twelve months, during which the average monthly decline was 30,000. In addition, employment in the goods-producing sector has accelerated (has become less negative) in each of the last three months. Manufacturing employment fell for the fifteenth consecutive month, but November's decline of 5,000 was the smallest monthly decline registered during that span. In addition, employment in the manufacturing sector has also accelerated (has become less negative) in each of the last three months.

Small- and medium-size businesses more than accounted for the increase in total employment in November, with employment among these businesses advancing by 159,000. In addition, there was a sizable increase of 30,000 in employment among businesses with 500 or more workers, reversing five consecutive monthly declines. This increase in employment among large businesses was concentrated in the service-providing sector which advanced 32,000 during the month, and was slightly offset by an employment decline of 2,000 among these businesses in the goods-producing sector.

Two sectors of the economy hit hardest by recent problems in mortgage markets have been residential construction and financial activities related to home sales and mortgage lending. Today's data suggest that in these two crucial sectors employment may be stabilizing. In November, construction employment fell for the twelfth consecutive month, but November's decline of 6,000 was the smallest since January (see chart 5). Furthermore, construction employment has accelerated (has become less negative) in each of the last three months. Employment in financial activities, which declined by 16,000 from July through October, reversed course and grew 10,000 in November (see chart 5).

Note that there was a five-week interval between the October and November survey dates for the Bureau of Labor Statistics Employment Situation Report. Since the estimates of employment in theADP National Employment Report are explicitly adjusted for this calendar effect, the strength of today's numbers is not influenced by the five-week interval.

For information on the construction and use of the ADP Report, please visit the methodology section of the ADP National Employment Report website at .

e_goldstein's picture

That's just a lack of confidence in a confidence game. 

long .22 mag rat shot and fair skinned blondes. 


Right-on Left-off's picture

At least everyone wised up enough not to try and sound intelligent and make intelligent remarks like that guy in 08.

Everything now is rumors and hearsay.  Nothing like knowing you are about to get blind-sided.  Yup, the surprise is gone ....... make that "The Thrill is Gone".

caerus's picture

it will be an interesting week from a technical took a global concerted CB effort to get us to early august resistance...i really don't know what it is that they have left...flooding the system with liquidity creates no jobs...assuages no is an illusory panacea...the system is broken...if their lies push the ES (sustainably) above 1245 then i will go long...until then it is all sound and fury signifying nothing