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Global Bailout Surprise Twist Endings Presents: "Stocks Soar As Investors Bet On Gov't Rescue Plan"

Tyler Durden's picture


First Black Friday, and now the Modern Finance Farce Company With Surprise Twist Endings takes on the global bailout...

Wall Street had another extraordinary rally Friday as investors stormed back into the market, relieved that the government plans to restore calm to the financial system by rescuing banks from billions of dollars in bad debt. The Dow Jones industrials soared about 370 points, giving them a gain of about 780 over two days, and Treasurys fell as money flowed into equities.


The government's proposal, while still a work in progress, has placated investors who worried that a continuum of bad bets on mortgages would hobble more financial companies and cause further damage to the strained banking system and the overall economy.


"If a solid plan is put in place, it's definitely going to be a positive in easing the pain," said Stephen Carl, principal and head of equity trading at The Williams Capital Group. He added, though, that the set-up of any plan will determine its success.


Analysts said it was the first government response decisive enough to restore confidence in the markets; in the past, it has relied largely on steps like injecting cash into the banking system that, at least until now, had a limited impact.


"Everything they had done had been a Band-Aid approach, at the margins," said Jay Mueller, economist at Strong Capital Management. "Now we're dealing with the root problem."

Surprise twist: Date: September 19, 2008

h/t Naufal Sanaullah


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Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:34 | 1934068 SHEEPFUKKER

Pinch me, I think I have seen this movie before. 

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:45 | 1934092 johnu78
johnu78's picture

I saw the movie too, it was called "Rollover" with Jane Fonda and Kris Kristofferson!



Thu, 12/01/2011 - 04:45 | 1934216 Michael
Michael's picture

"Gold Just Went Over $2000, By Tonight That'll Cheap" Rollover-1981

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 04:05 | 1934186 vegancapitalist
vegancapitalist's picture

"Now we're dealing with the root problem."

That should tell you everything you need to know about this idiot, I mean economist.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 10:13 | 1934650 Manthong
Manthong's picture

You mean idiot.

The only bigger idiot is the journalist, I mean idiot, that allowed that comment into print.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:36 | 1934069 Manthong
Manthong's picture

" said Jay Mueller, economist at Strong Capital Management. "Now we're dealing with the root problem."

I don't know whether to sigh or puke.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:04 | 1934123 strannick
strannick's picture

or buy gold

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 04:05 | 1934187 Tapeworm
Tapeworm's picture

did you notice that gold did not keep up with any currency on the USD drop? Lame.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:11 | 1934132 sitenine
sitenine's picture

Isn't it obvious? The Freaked Out Money Changers (FOMC) have voted, and The Bernank has spoken. Debt is meaningless as long as you can borrow more 'money', don't you know? /sarc. This is it folks. The monetary system itself is being blown into the last, and certainly most impressive, of all super bubbles. Sure, it seems like a great deal now, but I wouldn't want to be holding too much of that 'asset' when the pop happens.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 07:38 | 1934329 Baptiste Say
Baptiste Say's picture

I laughed heartily when I read "The Freaked Out Money Changers (FOMC)" :).

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 07:53 | 1934342 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

:-) Best FOMC I've seen in a long time. 

As for this game, crazy eh? Like a good twister, all thsi time it was just picking up speed.

Now it will pick up everything. India is making some of th emost shocking moves (Poreign Directr Investment in Retail, here comes Walmart, CDS issuance on all classes of debt.....)...

Months? Weeks? 



Thu, 12/01/2011 - 08:31 | 1934411 johnnynaps
johnnynaps's picture

Unfortunately, the Bandits are great at kicking the can. I still think the measurement will be in years. When it blows though, me thinks the USA breaks apart like the Soviet Union.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:12 | 1934136 qussl3
qussl3's picture

Another economist at a hedge fund.

And we wonder why we have problems?

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:39 | 1934075 JSchroe
JSchroe's picture

This time it's different. The Bernank has everything under control.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:45 | 1934091 Hansel
Hansel's picture

+1, It's contained.  This plan will work.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 07:53 | 1934343 lamont cranston
lamont cranston's picture

Yeah, just like Kevin Bacon did during the parade mob scene clsoe to the end of Animal House. 

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:40 | 1934076 Rhone_Ranger
Rhone_Ranger's picture

It's obvious now, the Mayans were right and a fat-ass comet is headed straight for earth in 2012 and there isn't a fuckin thing that we can do about it.  TPTB and western governments must know this and are avoiding letting the public know to prevent all-out chaos.  Why else would they be so obviously destructive?


Who knows, at this pace, they may destroy the entire thing before the comet does?

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:43 | 1934088 navy62802
navy62802's picture

Guess what'll survive the comet strike. That's right ... gold and silver.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:52 | 1934105 caerus
caerus's picture

hell if anything it may bring more

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 04:45 | 1934215 DarkestPhoenix
DarkestPhoenix's picture


Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:45 | 1934094 SHEEPFUKKER

Comet fucking

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:41 | 1934085 navy62802
navy62802's picture

Jesus Christ.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:46 | 1934095 Rhone_Ranger
Rhone_Ranger's picture

The true lender of last resort?

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:26 | 1934155 Uber Vandal
Uber Vandal's picture


Grab a bullwhip and beat the crap out of some bankers.

That's what he would do.



Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:43 | 1934089 euphoria
euphoria's picture

WHAT A TWIST! Definately Bullish. Buy AAPL.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:45 | 1934093 nodhannum
nodhannum's picture

Where in hell do they get guys this delusional?  So printing is the answer?  Mon dieu!

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:48 | 1934099 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



It's like Déjà vu all over again...



Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:49 | 1934101 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



It's like Déjà vu all over again...


Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:50 | 1934103 caerus
caerus's picture

i see what you did there...

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:25 | 1934154 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

To a guy that is drinking winter brews, sometimes I see double!

Sometimes I see double!!

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 08:06 | 1934360 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

In hindi, Deja means (De ja) give and go.


Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:10 | 1934134 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It's like Déjà vu all over again...

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 08:08 | 1934365 web bot
web bot's picture

It's like Déjà vu all over again...

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 02:47 | 1934096 Cartman
Cartman's picture

Strong Capital Management -  I guess Madoff's economist didn't return the call.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:03 | 1934120 boattrash
boattrash's picture

I've been saying it for over ten fucking years now. They hit the wrong fucking buildings, should've been the FED and IMF buildings!

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:14 | 1934137 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

They're not suicidal

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:23 | 1934151 poor fella
poor fella's picture

Taint no gold under dem buildings.....  think theys stoopid???  sheeeet.. 

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 04:40 | 1934211 phyuckyiu
phyuckyiu's picture

+1 Dancing Israeli for you!

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:04 | 1934122 Number 156
Number 156's picture

T-minus 30 days to synchronized cliff diving.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:09 | 1934130 Paul Thomason
Paul Thomason's picture

Nice work.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:11 | 1934135 HurricaneSeason
HurricaneSeason's picture

The good news is the war is over if Pakistan doesn't let the nato trucks cross their border anymore. 100 fuel trucks a day at 14,000 gallon capacity and $700 a gallon = $1 billion a day in fuel plus 200 trucks a day of non-fuel supplies. That will cost 3 times as much now when they have to go through Russia and several other countries to get there or bring it in by helicopter. I thought the Afghanistan restructuring only cost about $500 billion over the last 10 years. Their math must be off. I wonder if Russia will let them cross their property at any price with the new missles in Europe pointed at them.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:17 | 1934141 catch edge ghost
Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:27 | 1934149 Tuffmug
Tuffmug's picture

Welcome to our World! It's all a fraud, all the time. So you are sure the pea is under the center shell? So you are sure the market has to crash? It's an easy game. Get your money down suck- ah fella and we'll take a look under that shell. OH! Too bad! Market up 500 points. FED stole that pea again. Keep playing. Maybe you'll get that crash tomorrow.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:23 | 1934150 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Wall Street had another extraordinary rally Friday as investors stormed back into the market, relieved that the government plans to restore calm to the financial system by rescuing banks from billions of dollars in bad debt.

Yeah, no, that was price valuations pricing in the collapse of the value of fiat.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:29 | 1934159 caerus
caerus's picture least we've still got jimi...


star spangled banner

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:43 | 1934168 badgerman67
badgerman67's picture

Different year same BS....

Analysis of November's Report
Print the PDF Version of the ADP Report

Wednesday, December 5, 2007, 8:15 am EST

Nonfarm private employment grew 189,000 from October to November of 2007 on a seasonally adjusted basis, according to the ADP National Employment Report®. The estimated change in employment from September to October was revised up 13,000 to 119,000. November's increase of 189,000 marked a further acceleration of nonfarm private employment. The three-month average change in employment for September through November was 123,000, up from 43,000 during the three-month period from July through September.

The strength in employment during November was fairly broad-based. Even in manufacturing, construction, and financial services, sectors where employment has been under downward pressure, there are signs of accelerating employment.

Employment in the service-providing sector of the economy grew a very strong 197,000, while employment in the goods-producing sector declined a modest 8,000, the twelfth consecutive monthly decline. However, this is the smallest decline in the goods-producing sector during the last twelve months, during which the average monthly decline was 30,000. In addition, employment in the goods-producing sector has accelerated (has become less negative) in each of the last three months. Manufacturing employment fell for the fifteenth consecutive month, but November's decline of 5,000 was the smallest monthly decline registered during that span. In addition, employment in the manufacturing sector has also accelerated (has become less negative) in each of the last three months.

Small- and medium-size businesses more than accounted for the increase in total employment in November, with employment among these businesses advancing by 159,000. In addition, there was a sizable increase of 30,000 in employment among businesses with 500 or more workers, reversing five consecutive monthly declines. This increase in employment among large businesses was concentrated in the service-providing sector which advanced 32,000 during the month, and was slightly offset by an employment decline of 2,000 among these businesses in the goods-producing sector.

Two sectors of the economy hit hardest by recent problems in mortgage markets have been residential construction and financial activities related to home sales and mortgage lending. Today's data suggest that in these two crucial sectors employment may be stabilizing. In November, construction employment fell for the twelfth consecutive month, but November's decline of 6,000 was the smallest since January (see chart 5). Furthermore, construction employment has accelerated (has become less negative) in each of the last three months. Employment in financial activities, which declined by 16,000 from July through October, reversed course and grew 10,000 in November (see chart 5).

Note that there was a five-week interval between the October and November survey dates for the Bureau of Labor Statistics Employment Situation Report. Since the estimates of employment in theADP National Employment Report are explicitly adjusted for this calendar effect, the strength of today's numbers is not influenced by the five-week interval.

For information on the construction and use of the ADP Report, please visit the methodology section of the ADP National Employment Report website at .

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:46 | 1934172 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

That's just a lack of confidence in a confidence game. 

long .22 mag rat shot and fair skinned blondes. 


Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:50 | 1934176 Right-on Left-off
Right-on Left-off's picture

At least everyone wised up enough not to try and sound intelligent and make intelligent remarks like that guy in 08.

Everything now is rumors and hearsay.  Nothing like knowing you are about to get blind-sided.  Yup, the surprise is gone ....... make that "The Thrill is Gone".

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 03:51 | 1934177 caerus
caerus's picture

it will be an interesting week from a technical took a global concerted CB effort to get us to early august resistance...i really don't know what it is that they have left...flooding the system with liquidity creates no jobs...assuages no is an illusory panacea...the system is broken...if their lies push the ES (sustainably) above 1245 then i will go long...until then it is all sound and fury signifying nothing

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 04:27 | 1934205 hugovanderbubble
hugovanderbubble's picture

French banks defaults (ALL IN A freaking CHAIN)


Rating Agencies : LIARS, TERRORISTS....

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 05:06 | 1934225 DeltaDawn
DeltaDawn's picture

The money that came in yesterday smells very new, right off the press. They got our homes through debt financing and this is how they get our commercial enterprises. All the worked-for money exits and the funny money stays in, presto!

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 05:15 | 1934232 El Gordo
El Gordo's picture

I'm envisioning the Fed as a giant Roomba robot vacuum cleaner, running all over the world, back and forth at random, sweeping up all the crap it can find and storing it away out of sight.  But what happens when someone somewhere decides to pull the scab off of it, open it up, and gets a whiff of what's in there - whew, that's when the end of the world as we know it will be near.


In the mean time, just keep running amok, sucking everything up, storing it up out of sight, and the markets will be singing "Up, Up, and Away", the Dom Perignon will start flowing again, Tiffanys will make a comeback, and it will be the roaring '20's all over again. 

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 05:49 | 1934244 Leraconteur
Leraconteur's picture

I think this is just observer bias.

Those In THE GAME know that if it ends, no preparation they make will matter, surely less if they are Rich, so the bet on the only solution, that is, to kick the can. They party on Garth and ride the inflated SPX up to 2,000.

They don't have a choice.

Most 1%'ers I have met are very good at working within the system, but they have no time, desire or insight into it's construction or workings.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 06:10 | 1934260 oogs66
oogs66's picture

the "root" problem is how are the banks going to get paid bonuses this they are dealing with that root problem

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 07:19 | 1934301 Irish66
Irish66's picture

BoE's King says we're certainly making contingency plan for a Eurozone default

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 07:20 | 1934304 Irish66
Irish66's picture

BoE's King says Eurozone crisis one of solvency not liquidity

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 07:48 | 1934338 BennyBoy
BennyBoy's picture

"Now we're dealing with the root problem."

If by "dealing" you mean another band-aid, and if by "root" you mean symptom, then all is solved.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 08:03 | 1934354 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture


Thu, 12/01/2011 - 08:07 | 1934363 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

The ROOT problem is too much bad debt that needs to be purged, how does this charde deal with purging debt?  

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 08:49 | 1934446 KickIce
KickIce's picture

Well, once they bleed all the wealth and own all the land and commodities then the major players will forgive one another their debt and will come in with a gold backed currency to "rescue" us.  They will forgive one another billions and in some cases trillions but will demand every last cent from you and me.  Then the illusion of freedom will begin anew.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 08:42 | 1934434 VelvetHog
VelvetHog's picture

These are not the droids you are looking for.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 08:57 | 1934458 Georgesblog
Georgesblog's picture

Regardless of what the financial news tells us, the Ponzi scheme must be disintegrating. This perverse mania to put the world under their thumb has painted the central banks into a corner. They counter with the only weapon they have, fiat cuttrncy and fractional banking. Hopefully, they will awaken to the fact that they're not the only game in town. Of course, we will see the resultant wars of corporate conquest.  Percepyion is now so skewed that war is now called a humanitarian action.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 09:15 | 1934493 CPL
CPL's picture

I've been waiting for this moment with the same anticipation as the release of a comedic masterpiece by Bill Cosby. 

Hopefully Leonard 7 will be out soon.

Thu, 12/01/2011 - 10:10 | 1934643 Snakeeyes
Snakeeyes's picture
But it CAN'T BE SAVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Watch my interview from yesterday with Jeffrey Miron on Fox Business' The Willis Report


The Morning After The Global Central Banks Ride To The Rescue! But The Eurozone’s Leg Is Broken and Central Banks Are Applying Gallons of Bengay As Treatment

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