The Goldman Quant Investment Strategies Pitchbook Is In Need Of Major Reworking

Tyler Durden's picture

Now that Goldman Global Alpha and Katinka are both dunzo, the firm's Quantitative Investment Strategies pitchbook, praising the "intelligent offense" and "dynamic defense" not to mention "wealth creation" of the "Dynamic Allocation Fund" may need to be gored and substantially reworked...

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bania's picture

Had to take a job at Mendy's, been working on a value menu and had to convince management that soup isn't a meal.

If I get enough plus votes I'll bring JotD back, didn't realize there was any interest in it until now.

Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Just replace that big black square that says "Wealth Creation" with a big black square that says "Wealth Destruction", and your done.

GeneMarchbanks's picture

Their marketing campaign is a little amateurish for a multibillion $ business criminal racket.

Good riddance!

bluelou's picture

Sucks to your alpha! 


Libertarians for Prosperity's picture



I like the disclaimer at the bottom, in all caps:  NOT FOR USE FOR THE GENERAL PUBLIC


We need to have a similar disclaimer on top of the Treasury:  NOT FOR USE FOR WALL STREET



EscapeKey's picture

"The little fat tail distribution that wasn't."

jdelano's picture

"It's all cycles," he says. "Economies are cycles, markets are cycles, and we haven't had a good stock market since 1998. It's coming. It's only a matter of time before we get a sustainable type of market getting that 8, 9, 10 percent a year."


this from Nadev Baum via CNBC.  This is the kind of jackass that sets a pension fund assumption of 8% annualized returns.  How does a guy like this have a job?  Or, in the words of Rick Moranis, "How many Assholes we got on this ship?"

redpill's picture

And his cousin?

He's an Asshole, too, sir. Gunner's-mate, 1st Class, Philip Asshole.

richard in norway's picture

can any one direct me to more analisis on the dollar swap thing, is this a hugh TARP?, are the central banks now under the control of the fed? are there more curreny pegs to come? i'm looking for answers


and why doesn't the spell  checker work

EscapeKey's picture

The BIS is the head of the snake, according to Carroll Quigley (Tragedy & Hope).

prains's picture

and why doesn't the spell  checker work



it's looking for answers too

IQ 145's picture

The dollar swap thing provides liquidity; it's a form of QE3 that will get by the tea partiers. It also makes it possible to have a stock market party; central banks are not under the control of the Fed; but everyone is closely connected; there are no more currency pegs to come; currencies are not safe havens; this includes the NOK. I have no idea why the spell checker does not work.

redpill's picture

Welcome to the desert of the real, bitches!


You know I'm born to lose

And gambling is for fools

But that's the way I like it baby

I don't want to live forever!


And don't forget the joker!


wcvarones's picture

"TP Enders?"

Does that stand for Total Portfolio Enders?

Cult of Criminality's picture


Probably WC

I new they were the creators of the Dynamics of Destruction fund.

Caviar Emptor's picture

Famous quant fund claims that worked for a lil while...until they blow

-Yields always revert to the mean

-A loss here would be a six sigma event

-We are fully hedged

Cult of Criminality's picture

 you get a top of the line Ginsu Knife set for them to install in your back, free of charge

adr's picture

A couple billion dollars and they can't hire a decent designer to make a good looking presentation. I mean that thing looks like Power Point from 1997.

I'll give you a good deal $100k to make a slick presentation. You probably paid more than that for the crap job.

Cult of Criminality's picture

It appears it was only for their underlings,nothing more than elementary needed.

Market Efficiency Romantic's picture

The more elite the poorer the PPT. Same thing with McK or equal, decade-old guidelines rule and everyone has been trained to comply and threatend of violating. To them, poor and uniform is better than innovative and individual. Derives from their elite corporate, and derived HR strategy. That's why everyone would give you the same answer to a question, no matter who you ask. They are conveying: We know the solution, how else would we come up with the same solution individually.

IQ 145's picture

they probably did, and I agree. It's tacky. The frantic spin language is a little hard to take; it sounds like a carnival pitch. "A dynamic allocation fund"; If Bernie Madorff advertised it would look like this.

Market Efficiency Romantic's picture

I fully understand and totally share any mockery about GS and their activities (the rare cases they are not backed up by any inside knowledge or political power), But the downturn or malfunction of any quant strategy should tell us that the market mechanism has ended, probably once and for all. As I said two days ago, take the the most stupid, unplausible position and you will be well off. Unfortunately, I did not follow my own thesis and shorted into todays horrible US econ data and got rewarded until the market threatened to dive beneath yesterday's close around 9 am. Then, uuups, the joint central planning power took the stage and the economic data did not matter any longer. WTF!!! It's a macro move comparable to declaring service the sacred exit from dying manufacturing. You fool analytics and their investments long enough so they start losing confidence and anyone investing with them loses confidence and shifts to the belief of ever growing and prospering economies in the Western World. Fuck that, The problem: That only works as long as the masses are stupid and ready to follow any theology as long as it promises rescue. I so detest central planning but it is not the source of the problem, the stupid, weak, fucked collective is. I for myself will never ever again shut up in any conversation. You need to confront people, whoever it is, with their weakness and the consequences of them remaining passive. They are blindfolded deer without instint, willing to follow any shephard, even if they look, sound, smell and act like a wolve.

redpill's picture

Clearly the "safe" thing to do is to follow your 401k administrator's "advice" and "balance" your portfolio with a bunch of mutual funds that are 90% US equities.

IQ 145's picture

might be alright for the next couple of months; the problem comes in buy it and forget it; that doesn't work too good.

EscapeKey's picture

I so detest central planning but it is not the source of the problem, the stupid, weak, fucked collective is.

Two sides of the same coin. One would not exist without the other.

Market Efficiency Romantic's picture

Totally agree, but how physically and mentally intoxicated is mankind to show pride in scientific and theological illumination, while literally asking for some slick group of individuals to perform anal gang exorcism? Being stupid is no mistake, but taking pride in absent intelligence is.

vegas's picture

Used to see these guys in the trading pits. Everything according to the math, until it doesn't work. When it goes bad they are the proverbial deer in the headlights. They don't use stops, stops are for chumps. They will quintuple up because the math says the market [pick one it doesn't matter] can't go six standard deviations from some predetermined mean in a very short time. Really?

There used to be a saying that went like this: "I bought the first break; I bought the second break; I WAS THE THIRD BREAK.

Now the "smartest people in the room" got something to talk about with UBS.

IQ 145's picture

LTCM; professors with a computer; paid off something like 8cents on the dollar if I recall.

agentdent's picture



Quantitative Investment + ?????? = PROFIT!

LeonardoFibonacci's picture

The  Blankfein  Prayer

Our Chairman,
Who Art At Goldman,
Blankfein Be Thy Name.

The Rally's Come.
God's Work Be Done,
We Have No Fear Of Correction.

Give Us This Day Our Daily Gains,
And Bankrupt Our Nearest Competitors,
Just As You Taught Lehman And Bear A Lesson.

And Bring Us Not Under Indictment.
For Thine Is The Treasury,
The House And The Senate
Forever And Ever.