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Goldman Sets New Speed Record In FaceBooking Clients

Tyler Durden's picture


First thing this morning we warned our readers that we smelt a rat. The reason: at roughly 12:30 am Eastern this morning, or just before the European open, Goldman's Francesco Garzarelli sent out a note trying to spin the Spanish bailout as favorable. More importantly, they told their few remaining clients to go long Spanish 3 Year bonds. We said:

"Confirming that one should get the hell out of Dodge, is the fact that Goldman now is telling its clients to, wait for it, buy Spanish bonds:


"Short-dated Spanish Government Bonds Offer Value.... Even though the statistics for public debt will increase by about 10% of GDP, the funding program of the Spanish government will not be affected and the loan will come at much more advantageous terms for the public sector than current market rates. The combination of these two factors should reduce pressure on the Spanish sovereign. All else equal, yields should decline, particularly at the front-end of the curve. On Friday, the 3-year benchmark bonds closed at around 480bp over Germany. We could see a rally towards a 400bp spread during the volatile period while more news on the transaction becomes available."


Yes, we have seen this one so many, many times before: if Goldman is telling its clients to buy, it means Goldman is.... fill in the blank.

That's right, selling. Long story short, as the chart below shows, we probably have a new world-record in the short amount of time it took Goldman clients to get totally Facebooked by following the firm's advice to buy 3 Year Spanish Bonds. Note the yield on the short-paper below.

Luckily for its shareholders, at least Goldman's "flow" desk was busily selling and satisfying client demand for this paper, even if it only lasted for a an hour or so before the pukefest started.


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Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:41 | 2516107 VulpisVulpis
Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:42 | 2516113 SourNStout
SourNStout's picture

They're doing God's work


Thanks Lloyd BlankBerg

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:56 | 2516153 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

Goldman still has clients?

They wouldn't also happen to be members of the Fukushima Tanning Club would they?

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:23 | 2516216 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:34 | 2516237 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 20:05 | 2516420 BKbroiler
BKbroiler's picture

This must be the infamous "ripping clients face off" in action.  The Miami Zombie would be proud.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 22:36 | 2516791 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

do the opposite of retail

ride the coat tail of market makers

or goldman insiders


buy the rumor, sell the news.



Tue, 06/12/2012 - 06:18 | 2517231 tocointhephrase
tocointhephrase's picture


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:54 | 2516400 uno
uno's picture

yep, the public pension funds the taxpayer will end up bailing out in a year or so; Goldman just marks the losses to them

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 21:31 | 2516620 Doomer
Doomer's picture

When you open Goldman account, you get a "Sold to me!" t-shirt and hat.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 23:38 | 2516949 torak
torak's picture

Which God?

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:39 | 2516252 Al Gorerhythm
Al Gorerhythm's picture

Is Corzine working for Goldman now, or is it his understudy making these calls?


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 20:22 | 2516454 Obadiah
Obadiah's picture

"facebooked" hehe thats even better than "corzined", but not quite as nasty as you still have some monies left.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 21:05 | 2516559 Ranger4564
Ranger4564's picture

Thanks for that link, i sent it to a friend who's going through a mid life crisis... :-)

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:41 | 2516108 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:30 | 2516231 spastic_colon
spastic_colon's picture

of one here is really so naive as to think that their clients are none other than the banks and soverign funds are they?

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:41 | 2516109 CClarity
CClarity's picture

Where is Lloyd Blankfein?  Where where where is he scheming up these diabolical client f--ks?  And WHYWHYWHY is anyone still their client?

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:49 | 2516135 Dr Benway
Dr Benway's picture

The vampire squid hypnotizes its prey.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:02 | 2516170 Bananamerican
Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:04 | 2516172 Lucky Guesst
Lucky Guesst's picture

I bet they would own up to having herpes before they would admit being a GS client these days.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:42 | 2516114 bobnoxy
bobnoxy's picture

You didn't expect them to do a Corzine and hold this garbage all the way down to its true value, did you?

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:43 | 2516117 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

Let me guess....another profitable trading day at GS.


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:44 | 2516118 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

GS clowns were recommending going long WTI when it was at $104 a few weeks ago.  

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:44 | 2516119 hellas4life
hellas4life's picture

good for GS.  if you're an institutional client still taking their advice, you deserve to have your face ripped off

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:50 | 2516138 resurger
resurger's picture

you can make millions by plucking nickles from small fishes, what about the whales?

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:00 | 2516160 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

"If your an institutional client"  if you are a client by this point your probably a state or local  government pension fund manager and you probably couldn't care less about losses so long as Goldie promises to come through with your position at the firm once you leave the state.


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:20 | 2516208 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

Like CA Governor Jerry Brown's sister, Kathleen Brown, former CA State Treasurer, and now with The Squid?

"She currently serves as head of public finance for the Midwest region for Goldman Sachs, after taking positions as president of private banking for Bank of America from 1995 to 2000 and as head of public sector and infrastructure investment for Goldman Sachs from 2001 to 2010.[2] Staying in California for public sector banking would have likely posed a potential conflict of interest."

Love the part about "potential conflict of interest". She and Jerry must get a real laugh out of that one at the family dinners.

And that bullet train Jerry wants so badly. Who's going to underwrite the bonds? GS? Hahahahahaha. Fuck CA.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:50 | 2516388 Arnold Ziffel
Arnold Ziffel's picture

Hickory, dickory, dock,
The mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The mouse ran down,
Hickory, dickory, dock

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:47 | 2516121 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

Goldmans obviously so desperate to get a ramp in to sell-on their greed/fear now surpasses their care for their tattered reputation

...we're near the end of this junk criminal bank, you can see the sweat

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:55 | 2516149 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Here's another smelly from the Squid.....dumping the hedge fund admin on a prospective greater fool.



Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:45 | 2516122 nmewn
nmewn's picture


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:45 | 2516123 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

We automatically assume that GS was on the other side of the trade.  But what if they are simply morons?  

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:47 | 2516128 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

How many perfect or near-perfect trading quarters has the squid posted in the last few years? Assuming they're on the other side of the trade is a very safe call.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 21:12 | 2516579 stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

Yep...they had one...ONE...losing day in the 1st quarter. ALL of Jan, Feb, and March. No..really....the market isn't ...really.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:46 | 2516124 RacerX
RacerX's picture

if Goldman is telling its clients to buy, it means Goldman is....


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:49 | 2516136 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

What good are bridges if you don't burn them? Smells like end game to me.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:54 | 2516147 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

My calculator tells me even if Spain was given a -3%  (minus) loan it would still be fucked. Is it broken? Naa.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 17:57 | 2516154 10044
10044's picture

As long as they don't talk bout gold it's fine with me

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 20:40 | 2516491 devo
devo's picture

As long as they don't talk bout buying gold it's fine with me


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:01 | 2516163 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

Facebooked. Nice.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:35 | 2516354 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Just a nice way of saying Face-Fucked.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 00:36 | 2517035 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

or saving the face, once ripped off, in a large book of some sort, like a pressed flower or a scalp.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:03 | 2516168 MarsInScorpio
MarsInScorpio's picture

Let's pretend for a moment that it's true that GS deliberately tells its clients to do one thing, while its prop desk is going to do the opposite to take advantage of the muppets who follow their advice.


I find that really great news - it means that if GS consistently advises the opposite of what is really the best action to take, then all I have to do is make sure I know what they are telling people to do, then do the opposite myself.


What a great deal!! I don't care how I have to manipulate the advice to get rich, just so long as I understand what I need to do to get rich.


OK, shorted WTI, shorted Spanish bonds . . . what's their next bit of advice . . .??


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 21:30 | 2516593 Doomer
Doomer's picture

Google "Goldman Sachs", then hit the "News" link on the left side of the page.

Your welcome.

From one story: "Only two out of seven Goldman's trading recommendations are currently making a profit."

70% success rate ain't too shabby!  Not sure what the average loss is on those recommendations.

Read more:


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:04 | 2516171 IMA5U
IMA5U's picture

Value Investing -- buying something ealry that only goes down

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:06 | 2516179 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Tim Crook should add a GS app to the new iPhone called iSquid.  

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:07 | 2516180 Snakeeyes
Snakeeyes's picture

Great spin from Goldman.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:10 | 2516185 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Last year around this time Goldman made Patriot Coal their number one pick at around $22 saying it was going to $27. Yup.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:17 | 2516200 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

That means Peabody Energy (SBU) is in trouble, as GS just upgraded them a week or two ago.  

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:14 | 2516192 Legolas
Legolas's picture

Seriously, Goldman still has clients?  The reason I ask is because I thought that all the gullible money was already stolen.

My take on Spain:

Still long on "Spandex" (It holds alot and keeps on expanding)


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:23 | 2516212 Manny
Manny's picture

At some GS clients will figure out like Castanza that doing the opposite works!

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:25 | 2516220 caimen garou
caimen garou's picture

note to self, great work by not listening to GS1

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:26 | 2516222 Cow
Cow's picture

"I could not help myself. It is my nature." said the Scorpion to the Frog

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:26 | 2516223 HD
HD's picture

You guys are jumping to the conclusion that Goldman is being manipulative - I'm sure it's just good natured incompetence.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:27 | 2516225 vegas
vegas's picture

Seriously, I asked this question before here - how the fuck do they keep the muppets they got? For being the supposed smartest-most-nimble-traders-with-Ivy-league-degrees-the-world-has-ever-seen, they fucking suck.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:29 | 2516228 sitenine
sitenine's picture

What? Are people still "investing" in this "market"? Idiots.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:35 | 2516240 Chuck Mentzel
Chuck Mentzel's picture

I just have one comment to make:



Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:44 | 2516263 max2205
max2205's picture

I got faced booked today and all I got was a headache and this stupid t-shirt

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:48 | 2516270 monopoly
monopoly's picture

And they never get sued for this, time and time again. And college graduates still want to work for this pig.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:22 | 2516321 neidermeyer
neidermeyer's picture

You can't sue them ... you'd just be directed to the SEC (like they care more about you than ) ... The best you can do if you're a big fish is to let them steal a little of your money every now and then so you continue to get their phone calls and then you do the opposite of what they're recomending.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:40 | 2516364 tmorris
tmorris's picture

Why would anyone do business with these guys?  My libertarian beliefs are tested by the charlitans at GS.  

Institutional behavior like this, coupled with the ignorance and greed of retail investors, reinforces the limitations of free markets to police themselves.


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:49 | 2516274 Solon the Destroyer
Solon the Destroyer's picture

Statler: I like the steel Drums!

Waldorf: What?!?


Waldorf: I believe it! They'll take anything that isn't bolted down!

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 18:58 | 2516291 Pike Bishop
Pike Bishop's picture

In Lord Blankfein We Trust

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:02 | 2516299 WallowaMountainMan
WallowaMountainMan's picture

all i gotta say is if they need this as part of their business model,

the other parts of that model must suck.


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:07 | 2516304 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

OFF TOPIC: Like many, I watch the minute to minute action in the PMs. As I post this, (note the time), I have to laugh. The FED and their lackey's are sooooooo freaking pathetic.


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:10 | 2516307 Let The Wurlitz...
Let The Wurlitzer Play's picture

Did I say buy?? OOps I ment SELL!!!!


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:25 | 2516331 fiddy pence haf...
fiddy pence haff pound's picture

facebooked, or having your face gnawed off by the squid, on PCP?


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:29 | 2516342 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Beware, nothing is as it seems...There is something going on in the neighborhood!


Mon, 06/11/2012 - 19:42 | 2516370 GlomarHabu
GlomarHabu's picture

Hang 'em all.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 20:43 | 2516495 Proxyoflove
Proxyoflove's picture

Corzined, Facebooked, *insert next*; in half the time and with twice the bravado we will find out who next has Madoff with another bunch of other peoples cash. Roll up, place your bets. 

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 20:56 | 2516534 q99x2
q99x2's picture

FraudBook. Arrest them.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 22:20 | 2516746 chinaboy
chinaboy's picture

Keep doing this, the squid is going to suck its own eco system dry.

Mon, 06/11/2012 - 22:51 | 2516829 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

SEC's Shapiro says "Lloyd, bubbela, such nice work you've done here!"

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 01:19 | 2517086 JuicedGamma
JuicedGamma's picture

Good luck with that!

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 03:36 | 2517181 Txo
Txo's picture

Facebooked . Corzined, Cramered, Bankiaed 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 03:37 | 2517182 Txo
Txo's picture

Forgot, spidey-toweled

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 04:43 | 2517200 mendigo
mendigo's picture

And I thought only Ben could print money...

They are facilitating the purchase of - mearly an intermediary and all for a very reasonable fee.

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