Goldman's Stolper Sets New Client Corzining Record

Tyler Durden's picture

There are simply no words to describe this.

We opened on Monday a long NZD/$ recommendation, partly on the basis that the Fed would ease monetary policy today with additional non-conventional measures. At the same time we pointed out that New Zealand’s economy looks relatively well protected against cyclical weakness. During the week both hypotheses were confirmed with much stronger GDP data in New Zealand than expected and the extension of “Operation Twist” by the Fed.


At the same time, however, long NZD/$ exposure is also strongly correlated with overall risk sentiment. The continued weakness in US macro data, as illustrated by today’s Philly Fed index and deteriorating political news flow from the Eurozone, led to a sharp deterioration in broader risk sentiment.


With much of the macro rationale for the recommendation now past and in line with our short SPX recommendation earlier today, we cut long NZD/$ exposure for a small potential loss of 0.7%.

Stolper. FTMFW.

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Conman's picture

Muppets enjoy getting things shoved in from behind. In fact Muppets demand it.

idea_hamster's picture

Stolper. FTMFW.

I.e., "for the muppet-fucking win"!

Richard Chesler's picture


Muppet Scalping Season is officially open!


Divided States of America's picture

U believe that GS took a 70bps hit??? No way, they have ZERO trading loss days quarter in and quarter out....they didnt take no effin loss. GS only saying that to make the clients feel like they werent alone...but we all know the truth that in reality GS made the 70bps off their clients.

asteroids's picture

Gotta remember leverage on FX is 100:1. Losing 1% is very damaging to a porfolio.

JimBowie1958's picture

I think in the US it is now limited to 50%.

malikai's picture

Can someone explain to me where Goldman's muppets get their money from? I'm just curious to know where this inexhaustable stream of rich suckers is coming from.

potlatch's picture

Judging from my cohort?  The children of rich boomers who park their trusts, smoke too much weed, and start up jewelry businesses using only fair trade jade from Nepal.


Or other such children-of-boomer pipe dream


it is The Great Squandering.



PS: my folks are dirt farmers.  I have zero trusts to squander.

FEDbuster's picture

In the end the "dirt farmers" will be driving the Ferraris (paraphrasing Jim Rogers).  Forget about jade jewelry, stock up on seeds (weed won't be a bad crop) for your parents farm.  Collapse always involves a lack of food:


Starving Greeks queued around the block for free food handouts yesterday as the country's politicians managed to end a crippling stalemate to form a coalition government.

Young children as well as the elderly waited in line in Athens to collect the parcels of fruit and vegetables donated by farmers from Crete to help ease the devastating austerity faced by many Greeks. 

Read more:

Not Too Important's picture

Your 401K, your IRA, your pension, your savings and checking account, your city taxes, your county taxes, your state taxes, and your federal taxes. Oh, and everything else everyone has any financial stake in. Even PMs.

If anyone loses money, directly or indirectly, somewhere GSJPM is on the other side of the trade.

This is GS's Muppett money - OPM - Other People's Money. This is the new USGSJPM.

Enjoy it, or it's camp for you.

Carl Spackler's picture

Answer:  Federal taxpayers via the PBGC bailout fund.   (What do I win, Monty?)

In other words, now underfunded pension funds, whose Investment Advisors (i.e., muppets) continue to make leveraged bets to meet their annual acturial return expectations (and lose), thereby evenutally forcing the PBGC to bail out the union hack beneficiaries after being leaned on by corrupt Congressional Democrats seeking re-election and campaign fundraising.

rocker's picture

When we had the Bush/Hank Paulson/Neel Kashkari  Bailouts of 2008 Goldman was in trouble.

Paulson and Kashkari were both X Goldman employees.

To help Goldman somehow a magic wand was placed over Goldman and they got bank status.

So now, they too can go to the FED discount window and borrow on and off the books.

Captain Planet's picture

Ever meet a small business owner who knows nothing but his own business?

There are a few million well-to-do people out there who work their asses off in buildng shit, cooking shit, fixing shit and so on, who work nearly every day of the week, and therefor save a good portion of their income. 

I know quite a few, and I reckon they are still doing rather well, not wastefully spending their money, only to end up investing with vampire squids desguised as suited frat boys n girls. 

canary's picture

Better still can you intro them to me?  I have some great deals I know they will like.

MarsInScorpio's picture

Mr. Durden, don't they know who you are?


"I'm Bad. I'm the baddest MF in the world. I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!!"



ZeroAvatar's picture

Conzine is laying low somewhere, hoping all this will blow over.  WE WON'T FORGET, Conzine!

TheEmperor's picture

Eat your peas!!  Muppets!

Dr. Engali's picture

What is that Tyler 14 of 14? I've lost track.

Al Huxley's picture

Easier just to track the percentage, then it never changes, always 100.

fonzannoon's picture

Al I am going out on a limb here...Two weeks from now we get a negative NFP and GDP barely hugs 0%. Thats when we get slammed and when we do that's when gold starts the climb to 2k. Your pictures of food analogy was great. You seem to know gold pretty well. What do you think?

Al Huxley's picture

Seems that the worse the global solvency issues get, the more blatant the lying and price manipulation becomes in the paper/futures gold world, so its hard to say, but I think the traditional late-June early-July low, is probably still a safe bet.  Regardless of what the price does, though, holding physical PMs still seems like the best insurance possible given the current global financial situation.

CPL's picture

Yeah, he's had enough misses to start placing his percentage of failure instead of his ratio, he's well past the ten attempt pick and fail rate, best he can aim for is low to high ninities.

slaughterer's picture

Where do I sign up to get Stolper's recommendations before everybody else does?  I want a direct electronic connection to his brain. 

Arnold Ziffel's picture


[NZ] Houses prices will drop, bank warns


The rapid rises in house prices in Auckland are unsustainable, says Westpac.

''Interest rates will not stay this low forever. We expect rates to rise substantially over the 2013 to 2015 period, as the Reserve Bank struggles to contain inflationary pressures arising from the Canterbury rebuild. Higher interest rates would put the brakes on the housing market in short order,'' Stephens said. ''And second, house prices in New Zealand remain stretched relative to incomes.''

ForTheWorld's picture

Yet the only way for housing prices in Australia, if you were to ask Westpac (funny how we now refer to corporations as if they were people), is up, because we have such strong fundamentals here apparently.

bigkahuna's picture

Why does this guy still have a job!?

101 years and counting's picture

this guess is making them gobs of money.  corzining clients this quickly makes him eligible for Lloyd's lloyd prepares to take turbo's job.

jbc77's picture

Who gets these Goldman reco's? Are these large, whale type clients gettting these trading ideas? Obviously the retail guy never sniff's this garbage. Does a Goldman rep call up one of his muppets with these fantastic ideas or what?

Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

It's a bucket shop boiler room scam. Like that film. Boiler Room.

Seize Mars's picture

Wait, is it "Stolpered," or is it "Corzined?"

Dr. Engali's picture

Stolzined or Corpered either will work.

ghengis86's picture

If you get Stoplered, your money will be Corzined.

Matt's picture

Yeah, the headline tries to combine two different things.

Stolpered: when someone with a track record of being wrong 100 percent of the time gives you advice, and you lose money taking that advice.

Corzined: When you steal clients segregated funds to use as collateral for your own debts.

css1971's picture

Note. It isn't quite clear if said advice is deliberately diseminated misinformation so Goldman can unload uncomfortable positions. Seems likely.

BooMushroom's picture

Like the ratings agencies, they will swear up and down that it is "just an opinion."

ZeroAvatar's picture

"Stol-Zucker-Zined".  Bitchez.

Pairadimes's picture

Not even a reacharound. RAND () has a better track record than these guys.

reader2010's picture

It's called the American Freedom.

Northeaster's picture

"New Zealand’s economy looks relatively well protected against cyclical weakness" -

Maybe off-topic, but recently read that New Zealand banks are now the "go to" country for Russian money laundering? Maybe that is why they stated "protected"?