The Groupon Groupon

Tyler Durden's picture

Simply because it is right there, just waiting... And in more serious news, has Groupon pulled its IPO yet? After all, isn't any down day now considered "market conditions?"

h/t Three Comma Kid

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Unprepared's picture

There is nothing illegal about a reverse auction.

disabledvet's picture

There is if you're going Dutch!

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

You mean EUropean.

A discount on the IPO???

William Banzai, is that you?


redpill's picture

Groupon was always a very helpful indicator, because if someone talked highly of them, it was the earliest possible flag that they were a total fucking idiot and you could move on from there.

Michael's picture

It's getting so dam difficult running scams on the people with this fucking blogosphere watching every bankster move.

Michael's picture

One day after all this madness is over, we will be able to save money again for the things we want to buy in the future, and the money will buy ten years in the future just about what it would buy in the past with a gold/silver or commodities based currency. I can dream can't I?

Michael's picture

This Changes Everything!

New York Cops Defy Order to Arrest Hundreds of ‘Occupy Albany’ Protesters

Michael's picture

New Campaign Slogan;

Fuck You TV Assholes,
Ron Paul for President!

Michael's picture

No one was holding a gun to China's head to loan all that money to the rest of the planet.

Michael's picture

Natural Gas gets relegated to a sub-energy category because it's cheep and there's too much of it. You can't make no money on it says the big people, so they ignore it.

I'm thinking of starting a new Natural Gas Craze?

Dick Fitz's picture

Wm Banzai is going to be PISSED he missed making this graphic.

Wait, is this for realz?!?

Hephasteus's picture

Leave him alone. He's going to have to be really rested and fresh for this christmas.

Milton Waddams's picture

The huge scandal is that most of the shares will (ultimately) be allocated across a variety of 'growth funds'


Three Comma Kid's picture

It's a parody, couldn't resist sharing... the full site is listed here... Genius!

Unprepared's picture

You mean that Groupon would be directly IPO'd as GRPN.Q ?

TruthInSunshine's picture





Dr. Wale:                  Hello?


Marty Howitzer:         Dr. Wale, it's Marty Howitzer from the brokerage firm of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe, and do I have a hot buy-in for you.


Dr. Wale:                I've been burned by the stock market more often than by my 3 ex wives and plaintiffs' attorneys combined. What do you parasites want?


Marty Howitzer:        I feel your pain, Cochise. You should see what I personally lost on our firm's forced subscriptions. But Doctor, have you heard of Groupon? If not, what I'm about to tell you will blow...your...mind...


Milton Waddams's picture

check out IPOs for BX and MF.  While tech is hot; crappy dotcoms are not hot


HedgeAccordingly's picture

with crude oil running like this.. those penny pinchers using groupon are not goin to be able to afford the groupon services because gas to high - just broke over 93.50

LuKOsro's picture

What about the Gold Groupon ?? Get it while still trading at a discount.



Hopium Dealer's picture

There are 9,813 suckers are out there.

disabledvet's picture

I still like my "poop-on" IPO. I'm very partial to me in case no one has told you.

derek_vineyard's picture

the shares will make good toilet paper, so demand physical delivery

DormRoom's picture

Oh my god, Groupon is like Sino Forest.


groupon is a pseudo ponzi scheme. For any market X there exists a high variability for profitable, volume adjusted, daily deals (resource {R}), which people want. After time t, the most desired deals r in resource R are exhausted, leaving behind lesser deals (deals which make substantially less revenue-share). So as t >> T, only less desired deals remain for market X, hugely eroding profits margins, given the high fixed cost to set the deal. So the only way to maintain margins is to enter a new market Y, where r (very profitable daily deals) is in high supply. But eventually this market will be exhausted of r, and margins will again collapse. Therefore Groupon must continually enter new markets to maintain margins, which it has been doing. But there are only a finite number of markets. So eventually Groupon will collapse. This is an intrinsic problem of the daily deals market. Google may overcome it, if it can implement it's near field communication strategy, or automate the bidding process. But other daily deals site, like Living Social, with high employee counts, are bound to fail.


If you buy into the groupon IPO, shares will be worthless within 2 years.

Buck Johnson's picture

Spot on, spot on, they will be worthless just like that other IPO that fell flat on its face early this spring.

disabledvet's picture

General Motors? I thought that did fine?

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Like so many other coupons, the very tiny print reads, "actual cash value 1/20th of one cent."


infinity8's picture

There at the end, did you mean 2 weeks? Days, maybe?

buzzsaw99's picture

is that for real? i can haz a sock puppet for a mere ten usa clownbux?

mynhair's picture

Mutant.  You need to believe.

buzzsaw99's picture

I need a new cover for my driver.

knukles's picture

Now that is serious fucking funny.

CrimsonAvenger's picture

+1 on the avatar; Zippy the Pinheaded Clown rocks.

i-dog's picture

Don't be so mean ... let him sit in the car.

midgetrannyporn's picture

Speaking of sock puppets, I just got my new zh sock puppet in the mail. WOOHOO! #WINNING!


pauhana's picture

Yup!  Doesn't that just wrap up the whole Groupon IPO mania with a nice little bow?  Perfect!

mynhair's picture

Pull my finger.

UP Forester's picture

I played that before PT in the Army, once, after a night of drinking.  Results not good.

cdude's picture

Eerily reminiscent of the Vonage IPO and will probably turn out the same way.

mynhair's picture

Piss off.  Been using Vonage for 7 years.

2 lines for under 50 bennies.

Though I did decline the IPO invite.  BUT AT LEAST I GOT ONE!

cdude's picture

Dear Valued Customer,

As a special offer we are giving you the oppurtunity to loose half your investment in two months. (97% over 3 years)

drivenZ's picture

talk about missing the window, man the underwriters( im sure all the usual suspects) shit the bed. guess they could only muster up enough buyers for two shitty deals at once, lnkd and Pandora. Im sure groupon will get their moment in the overpriced sun at some point. I mean JAT has to redeem themselves after the NFLX implosion, right?

knukles's picture

Oh man, I just had the idea of the fucking century.
OK, so the ECB's capital call is like a Western Style Syndicate (which are both madness... Western Syndicates and a capital call based thereupon) so, in order to get the GroupCrapon (in the deviant porn category?) deal done, get the ECB into the underwriting group, everybody else drop, slap the ECB with the unsold allotments, get paid in Euros which one immediately sells for gold and v-o-i-l-fucking-a, home free.
Done deal.
And who said alchemy don't work?

MsCreant's picture

The economy is a money laundering scheme and not a Ponzi scheme? Oh.

mynhair's picture

I wanna get my group on Robo, that avatar is hot!