The Groupon IPO Explained - A Capital Markets Satire

Tyler Durden's picture

The only thing better than general satire, is capital markets satire, courtesy of William Banzai, who explains precisely what to expect following the imminent start of trading in GRPN shares (remember: get them now before they are "90% off" in a group discount liquidation, and bundled free with that weekly Brazilian wax special). 

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Stack Trace's picture

Why do I take Banzai7's chart as more credible information than what I see on CNBC?

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Because art is the most powerful purveyor of truth.

Growyourownfood's picture

purveyor [per-vey-er]


1. To pursue veyor

Cynical Sidney's picture

this ipo is stupid, increase in revenue don't mean jack when ur profit margin is razor thin. groupon is more ponzi-like than netflix they are crazy to refuse an insanely generous offer from google. crazy insane insane crazy

Manthong's picture

<---Groupon IPO flips up          (for non-insiders, sheeple)

<---Groupon IPO flops down             "                "

Western's picture

I wonder why they didn't go through with their July IPO... would have had a hell of a lot more hopium in the world at that time to juice up their stock.

williambanzai7's picture

Their financial presentation got castrated by the SEC and then the market started sliding.

ratso's picture

Groupon should be renamed Groupoffools and that name should also apply to anyone subscribing to this ludicrous offering.

williambanzai7's picture

Its all about that square on the left side, and you are not invited to play.

pavman's picture

No Kidding! Have you seen their business model?  Its almost as suspect as the 'new' euro-style bid auction sites.  Oh gee, spend $500 on bids and win an ipod for $0.99... sounds like a plan to me!  Except in Groupon's case its...we'll finance your loss campaign to help you bring in new customers.  Which, in the end, might work in Groupon's favor when all the suckers enter bankruptcy and Groupon gets their secured creditor rewards, but that's a really long-game for ROI, IMHO.

Thomas's picture

All they need is a sock puppet.

earleflorida's picture

"art or symbolism, broken down to its  common denominator, needs  no detractors,... it is the language of  infinite time"  

slaughterer's picture

That is the third screen Banzai owes me.  Damn, this dude is more sinisterly funny than Kliben in his Playboy days.  

williambanzai7's picture

You know those Shibumi guys who can kill with everyday household objects. That's me, only I walk around all day long thinking I could be forced at any moment to make some everyday object funny ;-)

Hephasteus's picture

"Why do I ake Banazi7's chart as more credible information that what I see on CNBC?"

Because math is supposed to be funny. People just use the wrong variables and mess up the punchlines.

SoCalBusted's picture

Because his tits are smaller than the typical CNBC "reporter"

williambanzai7's picture

This has a great deal to do with it. And I don't ever want to see Cramer's man boobs. ;-)

SilverDoctors's picture

How about a Zerohedge IPO?
We'll help you guys promote it!!
Seems to be would be alot more value there than Groupon!

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Why?  So algos can front run it?  No way. 

Donate to Zero Hege:

ThirdCoastSurfer's picture

I was lucky to get in on Groupon deals when they were new here. 

Lately, I've seen the offers shift as very few merchants repeat their offers. What Groupon seems to be geared to now, within this market anyhow, is towards the start-ups & the die-outs. In fact, in the last two months, when I went to redeem a Groupon and then a Living Social deal, the businesses were respectively closed or sold. 

traderjoe's picture

It brings in all the wrong customers, at the wrong price point, all at one time.

kaiserhoff's picture

Sure does, Joe, but it's a much better deal than the gubbermint;)

Oracle of Kypseli's picture

Anything built on consumerism these days is DOA

PulauHantu29's picture

I learned long ago mainly from Michael Lewis' book that the only people who usually make money from an IPO are the lawyers and the underwriters.

ZackAttack's picture

Gawd, and this year's crop makes that maxim especially self-evident.

Does anyone know anyone who has actually gotten a job off LinkedIn? or anyone who has ever bought anything from a Facebook ad?

disabledvet's picture

Speaking of, i mean Face Book. Or is it The Facebook? I've always had problems with spelling. And I've been told my grammar is even worse. It's all Ms Pillsbury and her billions' fault. (that punctuation mark is correct. Billions' is a pro-noun and some mere in "I was attacked by his billions." Anywho I'm just along for the ride of course. Something about when she smiles after saying "they all to kill me don't they.")

dwdollar's picture

LinkedIn reminds me of those college job fairs where everyone is dressed in suits and pushing each other out of the way for a chance to talk to a TBTF corporation's PR man for a summer internship. When you finally get in close enough, you hand them your resume and they pat you on the back and give you a brochure full of corporate bullshit. In other words, a complete waste of time.

Oracle of Kypseli's picture

A friend who is a recruiter posted a specific engineering job and got 300 resumes in a few days and only 4-5 were qualified. If engineers are looking hard, we are in real trouble. 

dwdollar's picture

I've been warning people for several years now, but few want to believe it. I would like to know where are all these phantom jobs in engineering are located??? In America, that is, China doesn't count. Everyone ridicules the liberal arts graduates AND most often their answer is to get something in engineering, technology, etc. Uh... they ain't no better fellas. Stop misleading the young.

Stack Trace's picture

As an engineer I agree. Started my own company to stay employed. Engineering jobs that pay livable wages are disappearing. Of course we could all hope Facebook and Groupon combined with iPads can rescue our profession....not.

williambanzai7's picture

They absolutely are phanthom jobs. However, at least an engineer is smart enough to make something useful.

dwdollar's picture

True. But take a young engineer fresh out of college with +30k in student loans and no job. He's just as broke as the liberal arts graduate. Which means he'll be working at Walmart with the liberal arts graduate. Even after college, it takes many years to properly season an engineer in the discipline. Yes, he could try a startup on the side, but engineering isn't something one does well at alone and on the side after grinding away the day trying to survive.

williambanzai7's picture

I can present a very succinct argument that a liberal arts student is actually better equipped to struggle through this economy. 

Given the nature of global supply chaining etc, the use of right lobe creative skills becomes even more critical to compete with the mass producers of the world.  

In the end 99% of what is learned in college evaporates. What is important is learning how to think critically and how to create and adapt ideas.

holdbuysell's picture

Short at will. Farm bet on Puts when available.

kaiserhoff's picture

OK Tyler, I see your point, but they invented coupons, so they've got the patent, right?  Right?  Anyone?  Bueller?

TheAkashicRecord's picture

David Icke (yes, the reptile man) offers a surprisingly rational critique of the monetary system.

Squishi's picture

mixing reality with insanity is the best recipe for cults! 

TheAkashicRecord's picture

Hah that is true, I do think though, that his analysis here will resonate with many on this site.  If you watch the video, share your thoughts.

Squishi's picture

don't take the "listen to everybody concept" too far,

you have limited time, don't waste it on this crack head.  

I am certainly not going to.


TheAkashicRecord's picture

Already spent my time on it and I can assure you that it was not a waste of time, although nothing new is really presented, so maybe it was a waste after all.  

DollarMenu's picture

Nothing new - perhaps, but cogently and compellingly presented.

No BS, it just starts and runs.

I used to think he was some kind of whack job,

but over the past several months, I've tried to overcome my 

self-censoring attitude - maybe buying into my own idea

that fundamentalism of ANY STRIPE means you never have to think again.

Motley Fool's picture

His economic understanding-fu is quite weak. He also mixes truth and falsehood, though I think out of ignorance rather than malice.