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Guest Post: The Fed's Secret Phone Menu

Submitted by Tyler Durden on 06/15/2012 10:30 -0400

Submitted by Charles Hugh Smith from Of Two Minds

The Fed's Secret Phone Menu

Very few know about the Federal Reserve's "other" phone number. You know, the one reserved for those in the innermost ring of power. Someone gifted me the number, and I found it offered up the most curious menu of choices:

Greetings. Please select one of the following options.

The Working Group for Global Domination does not exist. Members please press 1.

If you are a European leader seeking a secret bailout, please press 2.

If you are Chinese leader seeking assistance purchasing another Beverly Hills mansion with cash, please press 3.

If you are a domestic banker seeking another tranch of our $29 trillion in backstop funding, please press 4.

If you are an incumbent POTUS seeking re-election in a recessionary year, please press 5.

If you represent one of our proxy trading desks, please press 6 for your S&P 500 futures purchase instructions. As a reminder, please trade your own account via black pools.

If you would like today's target for the S&P 500 and Treasuries to assist in trading your own individual account, please press 7.

For bulk purchases of Hopium and/or Delusionol, please press 8.

Curious, indeed. America's privately owned central bank is an enchanted world, to be sure, where shadow systems do not officially exist, where blatant manipulation of the stock market is denied, and where global bankers get preferential treatment of all their needs.

In this shadow system, democracy, accountability and transparency do not exist. Within the innermost ring of power, democracy is merely the necessary illusion maintained for the psychological benefit of the easily distracted debt-serfs.

As long as they believe in democracy, social mobility and the supremacy of American might, they are happy to while away their time playing or watching mindless games. It's the perfect setup for easy control.

And if they get restive, there's always food stamps and a media-injected "treatment" of Delusionol.

- advertisements -

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:22 | 2529204 debtor of last ...

What''s that around Bernankes finger?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:23 | 2529210 Captain Benny

tungsten...

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:24 | 2529211 Uchtdorf

tradition

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:33 | 2529241 WhyDoesItHurtWh...

barbaric relic

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:47 | 2529288 tocointhephrase

Its his protector, you know, incase of really really bad outcomes!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:49 | 2529293 ATM

He calls it an asset.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:47 | 2529498 WhyDoesItHurtWh...

all your secret phone numbers are belong to us.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:29 | 2529226 Seorse Gorog fr...

Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

The world's ring-piece

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:31 | 2529235 fleur de lis

Imagine looking at that horrifying mug first thing every morning.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:33 | 2529239 spastic_colon

got it from Frodo.....his precious

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 13:05 | 2529767 viahj

One Ring (balance sheet) to rule them all, One Ring (balance sheet) to find them, One Ring (balance sheet) to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:08 | 2529360 Chaffinch

Tail risk

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:42 | 2529483 eatthebanksters

risky tail is always more fun!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:22 | 2529206 vast-dom

so there's this big horse race and bernank is in attendance. the frontrunner is not his pick. too bad he can't change the rules in the middle of the race, unless of course someone in the parking lot shoots the horse. but it's all a distraction from the real thievery anyhow....

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:23 | 2529207 pods

I gotta get me some delusionol.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:09 | 2529364 slewie the pi-rat

delusionol is produced naturally as a by-product of MSM poison

very much like certain allergic reactions to certain plants which leave one in pre-verbal orbitol

^Rx

decrease MSM input
increase vitaminQ by vaporizing the chronic
enjoy hopelessness renewed!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:28 | 2529420 El Viejo

Beats Enditol, but Escapitol is nice.

Uptight??? Try Damnitol.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 13:07 | 2529773 viahj

Fukitol

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 21:29 | 2531164 slewie the pi-rat

you are the great fukitolio, va-jay-jay

the centralBanksters are acting togerther this weekend and printing TP for your bunghole

more coffee?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:25 | 2529212 stant

soon to be[ with asian accent] we are under new managment now ,please leave message if you plan to comply

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:01 | 2529338 owensdrillin

Hewro. You have leached the fedelall leserve. Fluc u white guys too.

No more fluctuasians with the currency.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:24 | 2529419 HoofHearted

And then to say, "Would you rike eggrow with your birrion dorrar bairout?"

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 13:57 | 2529991 3FrenchHens

+ 10 minute

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:28 | 2529225 LULZBank

I like Benny Boy's poses though. Makes him look like so wise and thoughtful.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:30 | 2529228 Seorse Gorog fr...

All he needs is the halo

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:33 | 2529245 Paul Atreides

Would prefer a red dot...

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:49 | 2529295 ATM

Laser generated?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:03 | 2529344 Paul Atreides

I plead the 5th

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 12:21 | 2529629 eatthebanksters

...at close range...

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 13:18 | 2529827 Lucky Guesst

That might not be satisfying enough. I think I prefer something with more string attached... like rope.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:27 | 2529433 CaptainObvious

Yeah, those poses do make him look wise and thoughtful. Until you realize that if you put a chimp in a business suit and trained it to sit in those poses, the chimp would look wiser and more thoughtful. And it would probably make better decisions, too.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:59 | 2529553 RiverRoad

OMG, I think he's praying! We're really in trouble.....

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:32 | 2529238 No Euros please...

No extension for the Fort Knox audit department?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:35 | 2529250 CommunityStandard

That would imply they exist.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:38 | 2529261 Iconomissed

Printer repairman, please press #666

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:40 | 2529267 yabyum

Please press 666 for buggery of the taxpayers.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:45 | 2529279 Vincent Vega

1-800-EAT-SHIT #Ben

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:46 | 2529283 Benjamin Glutton

If you are not Uganda please press 18...

http://www.sanders.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/061212DimonIsNotAlone.pdf

Fed Board Member Conflicts Detailed by GAO: Banks and Businesses Took $4 Trillion in Bailouts

WASHINGTON - June 12 - More than $4 trillion in near zero-interest Federal Reserve loans and other financial assistance went to the banks and businesses of at least 18 current and former Federal Reserve regional bank directors in the aftermath of the 2008 financial collapse, according to Government Accountability Office records made public for the first time today by Sen. Bernie Sanders.

On the eve of Senate testimony by JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon, Sanders (I-Vt.) released the detailed findings on Dimon and other Fed board members whose banks and businesses benefited from Fed actions.

A Sanders provision in the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform Act required the Government Accountability Office to investigate potential conflicts of interest. The Oct. 19, 2011 report by the non-partisan investigative arm of Congress laid out the findings, but did not name names. Sanders today released the names.

"This report reveals the inherent conflicts of interest that exist at the Federal Reserve. At a time when small businesses could not get affordable loans to create jobs, the Fed was providing trillions in secret loans to some of the largest banks and corporations in America that were well represented on the boards of the Federal Reserve Banks. These conflicts must end," Sanders said.

The GAO study found that allowing members of the banking industry to both elect and serve on the Federal Reserve's board of directors creates "an appearance of a conflict of interest" and poses "reputational risks" to the Federal Reserve System.

http://www.commondreams.org/newswire/2012/06/12-2

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 12:10 | 2529602 americanspirit

So $4 trillion went to 18 people. Thank you Senator Sanders for their names. Now could you please provide us with their home addresses? Thank you sir.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:50 | 2529297 jimijon

This is why a concept of Socialocracy can work. Our government has proved in can easily spy on us and monitor all NET transmission. Well, let's open up the Komono baby! Publish it all. Siri enable it. No secrets but instead, with clear consise rules that, we the people, get to monitor and point to those breaking those rules and laws. Enable clawback via "instant replay" to really keep it honest.

cheers

http://jimijon.blogspot.com

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:51 | 2529301 Iconomissed

For all other inquires, please dial 419

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 10:57 | 2529322 ghengis86

Aren't you supposed to wait for the tone and then blow a Captain Cruch whistle or something like that?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:04 | 2529350 TooBearish

Press 000 to get PM paper raid times..

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:09 | 2529357 BlueStreet

Charlie forgot about option '9', the one asking for access to the secret underground bunker when this whole charade comes to an end.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:11 | 2529370 grapeape

1-800-382-5968

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:28 | 2529436 HoofHearted

Funny to spell it out, but it actually belongs to some credit card interest-lowering scam company...but when I come to think of the Bernank's role, you may have had the top suggestion today.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:11 | 2529371 world_debt_slave

forgot 666, direct lline to lucifer

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:13 | 2529378 CURWAR2012

If you are calling on behalf of the Rothchilds or Rockefellers, please press 666

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:16 | 2529382 the not so migh...

I sold some stuff to the NY FED just recently. Its funny with their tax exempt letter. "Pursuant to section 7 of the Federal Reseve act it is not approrate to bill or collect any federal, state or local taxes"

You think they might just print some up for taxes hahahahaha

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:18 | 2529398 monopoly

Great phone number and right on.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:24 | 2529422 q99x2

Must only be one corporation because they all seem to get along so nicely. You would think they would be blowing each other to bits in addition to taking over nations and having an Arab and Greek genocide agenda.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:25 | 2529425 ZeroPoint

1-977-BEN-DOVER.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:30 | 2529438 tuttisaluti

For Benny Hill dial 6969

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:32 | 2529448 Monedas

If you are a North Korean Politburo member and want a carton of Marlboros........1 (800) 1GULAG ! Monedas 1929 Comedy Jihad Taxing Your Freedom

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:38 | 2529456 Monedas

Taint boils lanced while you wait ! We cauterize your gash with natural ass fire ! Monedas 1929 1 (800) SURGEON (general)

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:34 | 2529458 Bazinga

To hear this message in German, Mandarin, or any other language, you are SOL as long as we control the reserve currency.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:41 | 2529476 tony wilson

hello...helloo

is it me your looking for

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QajeYRv3PtE

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:52 | 2529526 alfred b.

for sound money from fed, press Q

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:52 | 2529528 Uncle Remus

One ringy dingy

*snort*

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 11:55 | 2529538 loveyajimbo

Ben is going to look funny hanging from a lampost...

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 12:08 | 2529586 killallthefiat

Fed had their land line cut years ago for paying in counterfeit dollars. They now buy time in increments of 10-50 minutes through their POMO actions.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 12:33 | 2529592 Element

Election years ... phfft!

Anyway, it's officially on, the US is gearing up to invade Syria.

Plus early rumour/report that Russian troops are steaming toward Syria, as well.

BTW; that rumour from NBC is the schtick needed to Juice the commentariate, just prior to this Pentagon precipitation of a unilateral declaration of WAR ... just stating the very, very obvious there though.

"I wanna be embedded! .... weeeeeee!!"

Pentagon finishes contingency plans for Syria invasion

Published: 15 June, 2012, 19:44

Officials with the US Department of Defense have confirmed that the Pentagon has finalized procedures that outline how American forces could soon combat the government of war-torn Syria and officially involve itself in that state’s bloody uprising. After months of rumors suggesting that the US has unofficially made efforts to weaponize rebel forces fighting Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, officials with the Defense Department tell CNN that the Pentagon has finished drafting blueprints that lay-out just how the US military could aid in ousting the leader with America’s own troops.

In their report, CNN cites Defense Department officials speaking on condition of anonymity; in a separate sit-down however, Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Martin Dempsey confirms to the outlet that intensifying violence overseas in recent months has prompted the Pentagon to expedite establishing a role for US forces. The violence "gives us all pause [he actually means *** PRETEXT *** ] that have been in Iraq and seen how these issues become sectarian [yeah, after you FUCKING INVADED THEM AND SHOCK-N-AWED THEM ... yeah, they kinds did then] and then they become civil wars and then they become very difficult to resolve," Dempsey tells CNN this week. "There is a sense that if the sectarian violence in Syria grows, it could be worse than what we saw in Iraq," he adds. ...

... CNN’s report confirms that the military has indeed drafted instructions that lay-out the implementation of the no-fly zone. Additionally, officials say that a large number of US troops could soon be installed overseas to aid in the war. ...

... (more)

http://rt.com/usa/news/pentagon-syria-us-forces-923/