Guest Post: If You Are Wondering Where We Are….

Tyler Durden's picture

From Chindit13

If You are Wondering Where We Are….

The Fed has helped print a new kind of currency, currency being a means of exchange that in and of itself offers no return whatsoever.
This new kind of currency used to be referred to as notes and bonds.

Please be mindful of this change if you plan on using the tired old phrase, “A man’s word is his bond”.  Remember to replace “word” with “money”, and you’ll be okay, at least until 2013.

Money is freely available to those who don’t need it and don’t deserve it.  For everyone else there’s 29.99% Mastercard and Visa.

Elected officials in the United States are prohibited by both law and custom from looking in the mirror.

GDP for the sake of GDP is only a good thing if it is done in China, where empty buildings and empty cities are viewed as growth-positive.
On the other side of the world in the US, however, remember to change the plus sign to a minus to reflect the directionality of the gravity that has captured US assets and their funding mechanisms alike.  Just to note, were Las Vegas, South Florida, and Detroit located in China, they would be referred to as “Economic Miracles”.  It’s like that.

If you don’t have a job, you have 99 weeks to come to terms with it, after which you are no longer eligible to be counted in BLS labor participation rate statistics.  The proper term for this is “patriotism”.

If you are leader of a sovereign nation, please pick the type of social upheaval that is right for your country and its ways and
customs:  violence stemming from out of control inflation (the Middle East Option), or violence resulting from austerity imposed on the innocent and downtrodden (Ye Olde Victorian Option).  Note that with the latter you are entitled to copious and unrestricted use of racial epithets to categorize the nature of the urban festivities.  Also, look for it to make its sporting debut in the upcoming Olympics, pending IOC approval, of course.

Sarah Palin is the new Nostradamus, because she “knew” that the US would be degraded or upbraided or desecrated by the ratings agencies under Obama.  She also believes that the 1960’s pop band Paul Revere and the Raiders should be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for fighting off the British Invasion.

The story of Jesus, the fish and loaves of bread is quaint, but it pales in comparison to what Europe can do.  If one is in need of real miracles, one need not look any further than the fund into which pay the governments of Greece, Ireland, Italy and Spain that will be used to bail out the governments of Greece, Ireland, Italy and Spain.

A rising tide lifts all boats, at least those moored off the Hamptons and Nantucket.

After watching Barney Frank’s appearance on the recent Rachel Maddow show, the Massachusetts state motto is henceforth changed to:  No Representation without Flatulation!

Unless you are a successful hedge fund manager, Cake Eater, a Social Networking IPO beneficiary, or a Congressman on a corporate junket, you are ineligible to consume cheese fondue, climb the Matterhorn, or have images of cows on your necktie, because---don’t kid yourself---you simply cannot afford it.

As a corollary to the above statement, both Turkey and Albania have now reached OECD status due to remittances sent from guest arbiters in Geneva, Basel and Zurich.  A hearty welcome to the club is in order.

As “Nando“, the Billy Crystal character from a long ago Saturday Night Live used to say, “If you are like me, you’d rather look good than feel good”.  Hence, a rising stock market is more important than a growing economy.  You look maaaahvelous!

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Ahmeexnal's picture

Another Falcon HTV-2 hypersonic glider has "disappeared".

Russia now has 2 of them.

Mad Max's picture

Caught in a butterfly net I suppose?

Not sure how you would capture one unless you had far more advanced technology.

rocker's picture

I can't believe you still watch FOX, CNN or CNBC. Your credibility is gone. Not worth a look. 

James T. Kirk's picture

He didn't mean that.  It's in my cargo bay.

StychoKiller's picture

Whoa, Jim...err, I mean Captain Kirk, can you please ask Scotty to beam me aboard?  I can pay my way to a planet with real intelligent life on about if I bring along a babe or two fer ya?

Pay Day Today's picture

I hope they are Orion slave girls. Green is sooooo hot.

sub Z's picture

hooters hooters, yum yum yum, hooters hooters on a green girl that's dumb

Buzz Fuzzel's picture

Great entertaining thread.  Please keep it going>


IQ 145's picture

"Ties with pictures of cows on them--" Is there a market for ties like this? Who knew? My ex-wife is pretty good painter, I bet she could whip up some hand painted pictures of cows. Do you think this is a good business venture. Sincerely.

KowPie's picture

Are you kidding? That has got to be the highest demand tie in the nation! Why everyone in my town wears them! Even with jeans and a t-shirt, you can never go wrong with a Kow. But hey, maybe I'm a little biased.

chindit13's picture

Become friends with some Swiss people and the reference will make sense.

KowPie's picture

I think 2 rounds of sarcasm were lost on the 3rd interpetation.

Caviar Emptor's picture

The corporate welfare rolls just keep expanding...and expanding...

It's now a right (not even an elitist privilege) to misallocate capital and create imbalances in the economy. It's really a lot of fun, I hope you get to try it some day. 

glenlloyd's picture

yeah, expanding like Larry "jaba" Summer's waist

Debtless's picture

Sorry OT:

Is Michelle Bachman slightly retarded? Or whatever the most politically correct way of saying it I mean...Maybe just a little?


Rodent Freikorps's picture

What, exactly, made you ask that?

Yes, this just became about you.

FeralSerf's picture

No, she's a lawyer.  She used to work for the IRS going after people like us.

IQ 145's picture

Yeah, but a lot of traffic has gone over that bridge since then. I like the slightly retarded diagnosis.

KowPie's picture

From the Chicago Sun Times (naturally)...

"Odumbo signs "Rosa's Law;" "mental retardation" out, "intellectual disability" in |

WASHINGTON--President Obama signed a law Tuesday mandating Federal statutes will no longer use the term "mental retardation;" the replacement phrase is "intellectual disability."


Office of the Press Secretary"

...I might have edited a charachter or two in the first word of the title, but the rest is cut & paste.

DaveyJones's picture

True, but she has some "stiff" competition

"corporations are people" - M. Romney

FeralSerf's picture

If corporations are people, and people can own corporations, does that mean slavery is now legal?

DaveyJones's picture

almost, it means the law is now a slave

chindit13's picture

I don’t think she is retarded, though apparently she insists God talks to her on a regular basis, which I don’t mind saying is not something I seek in a political candidate for the nation’s highest office and the right to put one's finger on the nuclear trigger.

I read in the Financial Times weekend edition that Bachman once said that “the Lord, through my husband, instructed me to get a post-doctorate degree in tax law”.  When I read that I had a William Banzai moment, imagining an picture of a bearded God sitting at his desk with a piece of paper on which was written:

1) Let there be light
2) Make sure Michelle Bachman gets her post-doctorate in tax law
3) Chinese or Thai?

Cast Iron Skillet's picture

If you talk to God, you're religious. If you hear God talking to you, you're schizophrenic.

Pondmaster's picture

People hearing God speak - And candidates saying entities are people (uh that would be Mitt the Snit ). I'd say all our leadership are "intellectually challenged " , and "motivation tards" .

"Corporations are People "

"Banks doing Gods Work" 


Great slogans for the next epic dictator election


spanish inquisition's picture

God told her to run for Congress.

God told her to run for President.

(As President) God will her to push the button, so we can all hurry to the end time already.

DaveyJones's picture

and God told her everything will be alright as long as gays don't walk the isle

Maybe her god is retarded

KowPie's picture

"Intellectual disabled", thank you for your policitcally correct concern in using this term instead. (I actually prefer "tard", as in "Maybe her god is a tard". Seems like it has more oomphh!)

FeralSerf's picture

"Isle" is OK (as in desert). Aisle is another matter.

Stax Edwards's picture

Thanks for the enlightenment over the last couple of years TD.

You are truly a hero among men. Now, how to outrun the GD freight train...

TruthInSunshine's picture

chindit, not one of the TDs, authored this gem, and a gem it is, aye.

But your point of appreciation and gratitude is shared by me.

We're all Tyler Durden, after all.

DaveyJones's picture

we should all carry the Durden burden

JW n FL's picture

Please be mindful of this change if you plan on using the tired old phrase, “A man’s word is his bond”. Remember to replace “word” with “money”, and you’ll be okay, at least until 2013.

Money is freely available to those who don’t need it and don’t deserve it. For everyone else there’s 29.99% Mastercard and Visa.

Elected officials in the United States are prohibited by both law and custom from looking in the mirror.


The Lobby Whores are giving FREE! Money Away AGAIN! to their PIMPS???


Say it aint so.

Fantastic Read!

Thank YOU!

More Please.

JW n FL's picture

Understanding America's Debt Problem

This kid deserves a kudos or something!

rocker's picture

That was funking great JW. So Funny.  You work too hard to bring us great stuff.  Don't quit. 

tip e. canoe's picture

good stuff Jdub, thanks.  nice how he gets into the whole goodwill aspect at the end.

sub Z's picture

some good points but not entirely accurate

Caviar Emptor's picture

Free money doled out to the Corporate Welfare Queens in the US will definitely lift the Chinese economy. Free Money they raise, funded by US taxpayers, is relentlessly being deployed East (and also building nice fat  golden parachutes for top manangement). And US taxpayers will be left to foot the bill, twice: once for the debt incurred, and another for the inflationary impact on the cost of living and doing business. 

Haha, you US taxpayers sure are gonna feel stupid when you start making checks payable to your Chinese overlords! 

Caviar Emptor's picture

I'll say it again: The Fed has breached it's fiduciary responsibility to the US Treasury and US Taxpayer. This warrants a full Congressional investigation and if found to be so, the Fed charter should be revoked. 

SWCroaker's picture

Is that even possible?  The Fed isn't a government agency, isn't beholden to the US government, cause if I understand it correctly the Gov is beholden to the Fed.  Their charter was paid for with good money, just like most other laws, so you've no grounds for compliant there. Oh, and if you haven't noticed, the Fed testifies to Congress a couple of times a year about what they're doing, sort of, vaguely.  Congress doesn't tell the Fed what to do, our ex-used car salespeople only get to stump speech while they're supposed to be asking questions.  We're massively in debt to the Fed, due to all of the interest we agreed to pay them for pulling money out of thin air.  <- Can't make stuff like that up. 

The master servant relationship is pretty clear, and I don't think Congress has much say about things at all.

Hugh G Rection's picture

With control of corporate media there is no way a principled man ie Ron Paul, Dennis Kucinich, would ever be allowed to attain an office as high as POTUS.  We're going to be given more bush clinton bush obummer puppet action.  If an awakened America happened to think for itself and put a Paul into office, they'd have to JFK him, and at this point most of us have lost all appetites for false flag murder.


Vipers and Thieves

IQ 145's picture

But what about Governor Perry? I understand he's going to bring us all back to Jesus, and make everything alright.

delacroix's picture

the fed charter, expires in 2013