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Guest Post: An Open Letter to Jamie Dimon

Tyler Durden's picture


Submitted by James Koutoulas, President, Commodity Customer Coalition and CEO, Typhon Capital Management

An Open Letter to Jamie Dimon

“People fall not from their weaknesses, but from their strengths gone to excess.”- Aeschylus

Dear Mr. Dimon,

I used to be one of your biggest fans. Back when I was 17 years old working at a Salomon Smith Barney branch in Ft. Lauderdale, you were fired from Citigroup when everyone had you pegged as the heir to Sandy Weill’s burgeoning empire. Everyone at the branch was shocked, as we all knew you by reputation as a brilliant CEO-in-the-making, and frankly, most of us were disappointed as we genuinely were all looking forward to working under your leadership one day.

While your ousting was unexpected, you recovered quickly, and perhaps it helped motivate you to accomplish great things in the financial industry. You came to the CEO post at Bank One, then engineered its acquisition by JPMorgan Chase and took the CEO prize for yourself. All the while, Citi floundered, and you led JPMorgan Chase to become the premier American bank. Under your stewardship, Chase eschewed most of the sub-prime crisis and snapped up some of the choicest prizes in the ensuing crisis, namely Bear Stearns and Washington Mutual. Well done, sir.

Personally, I was proud to be a JPMorgan customer and proudly listed in our offering documents that our firm’s operational capital was safely held with your institution. I enjoyed great relationships with both your hedge fund/commercial banking division and your newly resurgent futures prime brokerage group. We were even on good terms with your private bank.

Then, the MF Global bankruptcy happened. And, I became aware of your bank’s involvement with the firm’s collapse. How the New York Times reports that JPMorgan received 325M in segregated customer funds despite the fact that JPMorgan Chase was a primary custodian for them. Then, JPMorgan Chase reportedly failed to return the funds when MF Global reported that they erroneously transferred customer assets and went a step further into “CYA” mode by requesting a comfort letter indicating that JPMorgan Chase had not received customer funds. JPMorgan Chase reportedly did not receive this letter, yet still, it kept customers’ property.

Through my role as the co-founder of the Commodity Customer Coalition and pro bono counsel for some 8,000+ customers whose property it looks like your institution may be holding without their consent, I have loudly advocated for JPMorgan Chase to return this property. In response to this, rather than doing the right thing, you closed all of my personal and corporate bank accounts and my personal credit card. I have been told by multiple members of the media that JPMorgan Chase has called them and stated that if their media outlet has me on television again, that JPMorgan Chase will pull their advertising from the offending network.

These bully tactics have only strengthened my resolve to protect my clients whom you have knowingly wronged and continue to wrong by improperly holding their property. It has made me delve deeper into what I have found is a pattern of such malicious conduct across JPMorgan Chase’s business groups. JPMorgan Chase bribed officials in Jefferson County, Alabama, one of the poorest counties in the United States, to enter into a disastrous derivative transaction that bankrupted the county and caused an increase of 400% in sewage prices, forcing these poor people to have to choose between food and clean water. JPMorgan Chase designed an overdraft processing system that intentionally prioritized higher dollar transactions so that as many transactions as possible would overdraft, again generating usurious-like fees on the bank of those who can ill afford it. Let’s not forget about robo-signing, forging foreclosure documents, or, getting back to the futures world, failing to properly segregate customer funds.

Mr. Dimon, why do you impugn your character and reputation by allowing your firm to engage in these immoral activities? Sure, the regulators have failed to assess you any meaningful punishments that would deter you from this conduct on a strict, short-term dollars and cents analysis. Every penny of earnings counts, I get it. But, sir, you do not strike me as someone who is trying to pump your company’s stock price for a quarter or two. You are the face of JPMorgan Chase and, I would assume, you plan on being there for a while. Why intentionally destroy any and all goodwill your firm has to make additional revenue that is mostly insignificant in the short-term and, quite possibly, deleterious in the long-term? The only reason I can think of is: because you can. And, that, sir is where hubris starts.

Lately, it seems you’ve come to relish the role of antagonist, bully, and even, villain. You’ve gone on rants about tax rates, how gosh darn profitable you are going to make JPMorgan Chase, and even gone so far as to call out journalists for their share of salaries versus the revenue of news organizations. Put plainly, the confidence that enabled you to build JPMorgan Chase has now become arrogance. Mr. Dimon, I happen to have been a classics scholar and have read this story many times before. It never ends well.

While you have led your firm to a dominant position in the banking industry and record profits of late, you haven’t done it alone. You’ve had the benefit of taxpayer funds, whether you needed them or not (as you claim). You’ve had extremely favorable regulation and public policy that for years has prioritized re-capitalizing banks over the rights of Main Street Americans to be able to bear the fruit of their labor. Yet, you have begun to act like a megalomaniac, drunk on his own power ala Caligula, and attribute 100% of your success to your personal superlatives. People are starting to notice. While Occupy Wall Street has failed to articulate any clear message or goals, they have tapped into a rage in this country that is real and palpable. You have alienated many of your peers on Wall Street and in the hedge fund industry (yes, you have peers). And, now, you have alienated many members of the media that have the voices to spread the word of the ill conduct which your firm has repeatedly engaged in.

In the Niccomedean Ethics, Aristotle described the worst kind of man as the “Incontinent Man,” namely he who knows what he does is wrong and does it anyway. I believe somewhere deep down, you realize that a lot of what you and the bank that you lead do has become increasingly wrong. Why continue to go on like that? You’re at the pinnacle of wealth and power, and continuing to do wrong will not make you meaningfully richer or more powerful. It can only serve to hurt you. “For what will it profit a main if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?”

Based on all of your accomplishments, you may think you’re beyond reproach, that you will never have your comeuppance. But, there’s a reason that during Triumphs in Ancient Rome, a slave stood behind the Emperor whispering “all glory is fleeting” in his ear. Because, it is. And, one day, something bad will happen to JPMorgan Chase. I don’t know if it will be a blow-up of the bank’s some $500 Billion in re-hypothecation exposure or a squeeze on its rumored massive short silver position. Or, if the United States will again see a regulator that believes in, and enforces, stiff punishment for misconduct by banks. But, we will all find out should you continue down the path you are on.

So, rather than continuing to corrupt your soul to harm others for negligible gain to yourself, choose a different path. Use your intelligence and your leadership abilities and your charisma to do the right thing, and set an example for the rest of the financial industry by showing that it is better for all society, JPMorgan Chase and Jamie Dimon included, to not crush those weaker or poorer than you by exacting every last cent from them just because you can.  Rein in your malicious activities and focus on the legitimate ones. Be just a little humble -- and remove the target you’ve placed on your own back.

Perhaps, you can start by voluntarily returning the returning all the excess overdraft fees JPMorgan Chase overcharged average Americans through mal intent. While you’re at it, give back the hard-earned property of the farmers, ranchers, retirees, and others who were MF Global clients before I come take it back in court. JPMorgan Chase can borrow at 0% interest from the Fed. Do you realllly need an illicit free loan borne on the backs of farmers?

Whether you realize it or not, you’re at a crossroads.  And, I promise you, one Greek to another, I will ardently help you to come to the end of whichever path you choose.

James L. Koutoulas, Esq.
President, Commodity Customer Coalition
CEO, Typhon Capital Management


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Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:42 | 2244921 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture


Fuck you you cocksucker.


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:00 | 2244983 Fukushima Sam
Fukushima Sam's picture

I hear that the rumors of Jamie Dimon raping young boys are not true.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:02 | 2244990 rehypothecator
rehypothecator's picture

Not entirely true, anyway.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:06 | 2245169 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

No, but taking part in the raping of every American man, woman and child.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:21 | 2245190 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

I sincerely hope that from now on Dimon is known as "Incontinent Man."

We should pool money to put up an "Incontinent Man" billboard along his route to or from his office.

Can't wait to see what WB7 does with this one. :-).

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:33 | 2245220 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

"Be just a little humble -- and remove the target you’ve placed on your own back. "

Jamie Dimon can wash and scrub his back all day and night, but that target isn't going away. It'll be with him the rest of his life.


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:36 | 2245228 Mayer Amshel
Mayer Amshel's picture

Smugglers, Morgan's, and a boat called Lusitania full of gunpowder

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:59 | 2245346 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

This letter was written by a seemingly normal individual, addressed to a sociopath.  He asks "why do you impugn....."  Hate to tell ya, but you won't get an answer.  Sociopaths are always the victims, and narcissistic ones like Dimon make up shit like people stalking him, etc....  He's a gloryhole, and that's it.  JPM will implode one day and he'll blame others, never once looking in the mirror.  The sociopath can't, or the jig is up.  If they do, the image falls, the facade ends, and the illusionary grandeur is brought to light for the world to see.  Madoff still believes he's above the common man - all sociopaths are mentally disconnected from reality.

Dimon is worse because he has narcissistic personality traits, which means he'll probably choose death over public embarrassment.  He puts himself on a pedestal and thinks others idolize him, as he once said:  "you're all just jealous at our bonuses because we make more money than you".  He's clearly not a sane individual.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 16:16 | 2245430 ilion
ilion's picture

Do you think a guy who will burn in hell really gives a about this letter?

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 18:54 | 2245846 margaris
margaris's picture

The author of this letter, Mister Koutoulas, was interviewed by Capital Account two weeks ago.

You might want to check it out to see the face behind the letter:

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 19:21 | 2245910 Bindar Dundat
Bindar Dundat's picture

Serving Mammon will not end well for him or othes like him in the Kingdom. He has chosen his master and he will eventually pay the price of "Avarice Deified"

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 08:09 | 2246774 Element
Element's picture

Well that seemed all rather too cordial and polite.



And why do I have this sudden urge to buy some Nike shoes? ... I hate nike shoes! ... they're fuckin lame and look like arse.



Sun, 03/11/2012 - 20:31 | 2246055 Omen IV
Omen IV's picture

he does give a - if you are watching his comments and actions over the last three years he is getting increasingly thin skinned - 

his appearance last year in Davos and the head to head with sarkozy was very telling - he was in way over his head with his comments  -  then the OCS march to his park ave coop and he says he was intimidated and concerned more than when his guards protected him in Lebanon

he is all about owning obama right now - its not about smart or money but the ability to get away with virtually anything because he owns the keys to all the politicians, judges and regulators especially the OCC

 a scumbag!

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:15 | 2245299 The trend is yo...
The trend is your friend's picture

I think the author ment crosshairs or laser beams when he said "target on your back"

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 06:35 | 2246678 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"Through my role as the co-founder of the Commodity Customer Coalition and pro bono counsel for some 8,000+ customers whose property it looks like your institution may be holding without their consent, I have loudly advocated for JPMorgan Chase to return this property."

At least we've finally gotten over this silly notion that ones money cannot be defined as property.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:41 | 2245674 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

I'm in.  I've got $20 for an Incontinent Man Billboard in Times Square

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 23:18 | 2246309 illyia
illyia's picture

That would have to be a very short billboard as he lives on the upper E side. But a series of boards along 5th avenue all the way down with a progressive message (as in a card movie, not as in liberal) might draw some attention.

Maybe WB7?

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 06:25 | 2246675 Bendromeda Strain
Bendromeda Strain's picture

as in a card movie

Burma Shave, young'ns. Google it!

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:41 | 2245677 el Gallinazo
el Gallinazo's picture

"for some 8,000+ customers whose property it looks like your institution may be holding without their consent, "

Nice turn of phrase.  I recall some years ago two men approached me in NYC holding snub nosed .38's, and after some discussion they were holding my property without my consent.  Not entirely true, but withholding my consent looked pretty dicey.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 16:25 | 2245448 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

Good luck getting an answer from Jamie Dimon. One of the most corrupt people on WallStreet.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 19:07 | 2245868 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

Hitler never relented, he accelerated

Dimon will be no different, expect more/worse to come

Hitlers end was downright grotty, Mussolinis very grizzly ..something to look forward to then

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:12 | 2245032 Manthong
Manthong's picture

JPM has bilked millions out of otherwise good mortgage customers for ripoff scam (way overpriced- like 500%) temporary insurance if their regular insurance lapses for only a little while. No harm was done to them yet they pounce to suck customers dry.

It will be fun to watch that crap bank go down.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:34 | 2245096 resurger
resurger's picture

I want to live to a moment where ZH writes this Headline:

The recent surge in silver by 30% was due to massive naked short covering by JP Morgan

JP incurs a loss of $30 billion due to naked short covering in silver.

that would be a bitch, bitchez!

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:36 | 2245106 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Me too.  Let's make it happen:

Buy silver bullion, take back the money supply, and crush JPM's short positions.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:39 | 2245115 resurger
resurger's picture

Amen LH

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:56 | 2245152 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Don't get me wrong here.. gold is good but silver is better.

Gold is banker money but silver is peoples money and needs to be a medium of exchange once again.

The governments and banks pretty much control the physical gold monetary market but they only control the paper silver market.

That control can be broken under the right circumstances.

It would be nice if JPM was a casualty of breaking that control.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:19 | 2245187 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

Don't get me wrong...I'm too old and sensitive to fight but...examine what he calls FOFOAs dilema, it has the same solution as Triffen's don't use the same item for both medium of exchange and store of value.

I think FOFOA is misunderstood here at ZH. He is not the 'hard money' kind of guy most here seem to think they are and so his writing is pooh poohed. BUT there are issues with the classic gold standard that must be recognized. Gold will be a better wealth asset as a store of value only than some kind of medium of exchange. What many here really are is 'hard money socialists'...they would give the very government they despise the right to say what gold is worth. How did that work out last time? Gold $35/ can't have any though.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:36 | 2245253 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Folks should understand that FDR's real gold confiscation was not from the citizenry but from the local banks to the government/Fed.

JFK had the right idea with the Silver Certificate.

Some interesting reading as we proceed through the climax of the debt supercycle: 

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 21:05 | 2246105 Marco
Marco's picture

FDR confiscated Fed gold as well ... and they were none too fucking happy about it.

ZHs by and large don't understand what FDR did. He might have been an enemy of property rights and the economy (I personally think property is a privilege and he helped the economy, but I can understand the other viewpoint) but he was no friend to the bankers.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:56 | 2245388 LowProfile
LowProfile's picture


you can't have any though

That was only the case in this country.

Why does Europe not tax gold?  Hmm...  What do they know that the US and other countries don't.   Hmm, hmm, hmm...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:05 | 2245166 eddiebe
eddiebe's picture

Well yes, that would be great for silver, and it probably will happen, but 30 billion means crap to people that own a printing press.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:15 | 2245294 Sleepless Knight
Sleepless Knight's picture

How about a surge in silver of 300 percent. That will get us to approx. 17 to 1 where it should be.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:44 | 2245684 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Make that surge 230%.  And that's not enough. When the lid blows off the pressure cooker it's gonna go to $150 in a week.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:57 | 2245257 chunga
chunga's picture

"Force-Placed" insurance is the new sensation for the 1%. (Okay, it's not really new.)

I recently saw a force-placed insurance policy on an abandoned foreclosure property.

Annual premium was 10K. The house is worth 50K tops. I strongly suspect this was paid with TARP money.



Sun, 03/11/2012 - 19:39 | 2245955 antisepticWipe
antisepticWipe's picture

That is fucked right up. Can you say who shelled out that money and who took that insurance check?


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:03 | 2245553 lineskis
lineskis's picture


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 16:16 | 2245427 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

jamie says "define" young

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 19:19 | 2245907 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

Depends what the definition of ...

Oh nevermind...Dimon doesn't care.  He has free reign.  For now....

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 16:54 | 2245528 847328_3527
847328_3527's picture

What about all those hampsters?...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:12 | 2245578 solgundy
solgundy's picture

but can Dimon prove the rumors are not true?

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:02 | 2244992 resurger
resurger's picture

fucking lol


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:50 | 2244946 living on the edge
living on the edge's picture

Oh you are so eloquent LH...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:10 | 2245022 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Sometimes the point is not to be elequent; sometimes the point is simply to make a point.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:49 | 2245065 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

I'm sure Mr. Koutoulas' letter would have been more in line with your more appropriately terse version if he didn't have the fancy CEO title.  The economy of your version should be required study in business schools across the nation.


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:01 | 2244980 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

Ur literary eloquence is unmatched.... I salute u sir.... N other news a US warhead just murdered 16 afghan civilians... They hate us because of our way of life and freedoms.........

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:17 | 2245301 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

what a finish.....

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:33 | 2245642 smiler03
smiler03's picture

It wasn't a warhead. A soldier shot 16 civilians, nine of whom were children.

God bless the US and may it die an agonising death.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 19:15 | 2245898 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

was it a US warhead that murdered 16 Afghan civilians? ..or a rogue US soldier??

Maybe the Total of US military murders was 32 today then

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 03:14 | 2246537 dreadnaught
dreadnaught's picture

a rogue US Soldier went out on his own and killed 16 Afghanistini people then turned himself in

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:13 | 2245034 traderjoe
traderjoe's picture

What a silly article. JPM is at the center of the fractional reserve banking scheme - a plan thoroughly evil at its core. Borrow money from the Fed at 0%? Hah! They can create all the money they want for free and out of thin air. Keep wakng up mr author.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:22 | 2245064 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

The author likely voted for Obama and is shocked...shocked to find out that Obama is continuing WH policy as it has been determined for decades.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:47 | 2245243 illyia
illyia's picture

Presumably this is an actual letter written to Dimon for the purpose of highlighting the benefits of acting with grace. This was not a letter drafted for the approval of ZH readers, one way or the other. I do think the author makes a good case and put in a way that Dimon will find more compelling than the fast and furious version.

To which I would add: F*ing good job Koutoulas!


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:25 | 2245072 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

The name of the fucking bank is JP Morgan.  What else do you need to know?  JP was a larger tool that helped to usher in The Fed, working for his masters.  He used the panic of 1907 to justify this insanity.  And what role did this son-of-a-bitch play in the panic of 1907?

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:07 | 2245094 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

John Pierpont was the Master.  He created the panics leading up to the institution of the Fed, and then created the monster itself.  People can say he was doing the Rotheschildes bidding, fine, because there is always someone higher up on the pyramid; like the Rotheschildes, John Pierpont's family also has a long history of criminal banking, and his motivation for absolute power were very much his own.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:35 | 2245226 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

Went to school with a Pierpont. One night he parked his lastest BMW in the lot of a frat he didn't belong to. The next day some guys in the frat asked him to move the car, so he drove it into their swimming pool.

I once told him that I did not think much of guys who don't work, and asked him if anyone in his family ever had a job. At the time, he couldn't think of any work that they did. About a week later, he came running up to me and happily said that yes, in fact they did work, that once a year they got together and were photographed for Town & Country. (He was not being sarcastic, he was serious).

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:25 | 2245074 Carbine
Carbine's picture

And the regulators and officials that are trusted to protect investors, too!  Mr Fix is in!

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:28 | 2245205 sunnydays
sunnydays's picture


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:05 | 2245560 Amagnonx
Amagnonx's picture

This would be a better way to address Mr Dimon's scampish escapades ..

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 22:34 | 2246261 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

The only thing that will stop the charlatan will be the vehicle that robs him of his ability to have cognizant thought...a traumatic brain injury would suffice, but a complete shutdown of his life support system would be best.  Maybe some BK cattleman will take him to the slaughterhouse. 

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 03:51 | 2246626 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Well said indeed sir. I might add, and sans lubrication by someone hung akin to a telephone pole.

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 10:56 | 2247166 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture



all we got is our word and our balls, and we dont comprimise them for nobody!!!

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:46 | 2244935 ACjourneyman
ACjourneyman's picture

Or do what I did when Washington Mutual was stloen and given to Chase as a gift, close out all accounts and go to a credit union.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:54 | 2244964 subqtaneous
subqtaneous's picture

Likewise, here!

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:57 | 2244976 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

I noticed that, too.  This guy is drooling on Dimon's balls for the brilliant acquisition of Washington Mutual.  From what I understand Jamie should be in prison for what he did during that acquisition.

Then there is this part: "Why do you impugn your character and reputation by allowing your firm to engage in these immoral activities?"

You have to have character to have it impugned.  I couldn't make it through this entire idiotic letter. 

This is almost as bad as the headline I read on Yahoo! Finance the other day that read, "the only hero in the financial crisis is Ben Bernanke". 

Throw all of these MF'ers in prison.  Especially the MF MF'ers. 

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:07 | 2245005 Zero_Sum
Zero_Sum's picture

i dumped BoA for a credit union last year. Fuck the big 5.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:46 | 2244936 tmosley
tmosley's picture

It just says "Dear Jamie," and then it looks like someone spit on the paper.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:53 | 2244957 rehypothecator
rehypothecator's picture

Yeah, but that's some pretty articulate spit there. 

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:07 | 2245010 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

Really?  Like this?  "So, rather than continuing to corrupt your soul to harm others"

Does anybody else want to dissect that line?  Hmmm, something about having to have a soul to corrupt it. 

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:19 | 2245054 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Dimon does not realize he is a Demon. 

He actually *thinks* he has a soul.  I think the author is trying to appeal to that delusion.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:53 | 2244960 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I'm just looking forward to the day I can say this...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:09 | 2245019 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

Judging from the fawning I don't think that's spit.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:48 | 2244941 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

better late than never i guess

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:49 | 2244945 SWCroaker
SWCroaker's picture

Pretty sure his firm is acting on behalf of "national security" interest that come right from the top. With that perspective, the appeal to his moral vanity is rather a waste of time.  And trust me, if JPM wasn't available to carry out stuff, someone else would be....

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:53 | 2244961 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Geez.   Why beat around the bush.   He might as well start the letter with, "Dear Mr. Demon,....."

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:22 | 2245063 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Uh, the name is pronounced DIMON...


Sure, Yeah, whatever...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:55 | 2244969 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

This beats the crap out of an "Open Letter":


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:41 | 2245121 Gold Dog
Gold Dog's picture


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 20:53 | 2246085 Obadiah
Obadiah's picture

Oh SNAP!! Them guns rooooock!  Thanks FIA Timma!

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:55 | 2244970 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Dimon stole WaMu , just as he stole MFG money.....He is a Thief and will get what is coming to him

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:32 | 2245217 HellFish
HellFish's picture

Does a guy like Dimon travel with security?  If so what's it like?

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 01:03 | 2246454 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

If a 6'2" white guy in a semi fancy suit, shiny brown shoes, balding, with a thick neck that looks like a former football player from Notre Dame shows up at your door...

FBI Official Patsy Kit
It's the FBI looking to give you cash, bomb material and a map to Jamie's...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 21:55 | 2246184 Fred Hayek
Fred Hayek's picture

Watch it, pal! With remarks like that, Dimon might sue you for definition of character.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:57 | 2244973 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

He will never read that letter until it's translated into Wall Streetese


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 12:58 | 2244979 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

He is The Favoured One. Only by getting access to Government Money and Government Support can you become a Favoured One. Why did Geithner look after Dimon so well ?

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:00 | 2244982 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

greek foreplay?

is this an olympic even to see which man is "better"?

at what?

this guy sounds pretty disillusioned, yet still self-important

perhaps the hero of his youth was just a turd he thought was a wonderful flower or something

who cares?

unless one is obsessed, of course...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:16 | 2244991 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture



The memoirs of Jamie are lewd

His best work in done in the nude

There is no denying

His forte is lying

To all of the sheeple he's screwed


The Limerick King


WB7: Maganatar, Jefferson County, Robo-Signing Fraud, Illegal Foreclosures on American Service Personnel, JP Madoff, MF Global...yadda, yadda, yadda...just a few bad fucking apples in the biggest stinking barrel on the block, the House of Jamie D

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:43 | 2245124 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Just have to LUUV that blue toenail, Dah-ling!

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:03 | 2244993 tlnzz
tlnzz's picture

Wow, I hope Mr.  James L. Koutoulas, Esq. is  successful. Someone needs to stop the madness.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:02 | 2244994 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

Very informative, had no idea Dimon had a 'soul' whatever that is.

Also, no idea he has Greek ancestry, another fact he surely treasures.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:26 | 2245203 RichardP
RichardP's picture

'soul' whatever that is.

Anyone interested in where the concept of soul came from will find these three links offer a solid start to researching the word.  The word soul in the English version of the Hebrew Bible was translated from the Hebrew word nephesh.  The word soul in the English version of the New Testament was translated from the word Greek word psuche.  The Greeks, based on their mythology, believed we have a soul.  The Hebrews believed that we are a soul.

1 Timothy 6:15-16 says God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who ALONE is immortal ...  Those who believe that this verse states the truth reject the Greek definition that we possess an immortal soul in favor of the Hebrew definition that we are souls.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:43 | 2245238 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

It should be noted that this subject should be filed under: Anthropology and/or Metaphysics.

The concept of the soul isn't confined to the Athens/Jerusalem roots as most Western academics would have you believe.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:31 | 2245333 RichardP
RichardP's picture

I get your point.  But I'm guessing that most reading here have the Athens/Jerusalem root as a frame of reference.  But thanks for your expansion of the research links.  It beats slogging through the Wikipedia link I provided to find the point of departure for other concepts of the term soul.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:03 | 2244997 mrgneiss
mrgneiss's picture

I truly hope James watches his back so he doesn't end up like Simmons, Breibart and many others.  Good thing he is young and healthy, tougher to make it look like "natural causes".  Massive kudos to James for sticking his neck out and setting such a good example, though this has as much chance as getting on the MSM as does recent Obama impeachment legislation.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:03 | 2244998 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

Dear Jamie, may you be locked in a safe with all of the money you have stolen and light the money on fire.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:04 | 2244999 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

...and that crooked financial whore, Blythe, too.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:12 | 2245029 Renfield
Renfield's picture

Voted up for naming Blythe Masters as one of Dimon's repellant stooges.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:04 | 2245000 Gidas19
Gidas19's picture

Tyler, when will you guys get those black MEDIUM hoodies back in stock?

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:09 | 2245001 Renfield
Renfield's picture

The one thing I like about this letter is that it has a NAME on it.

Being a gold buyer, I am very familiar with this disgusting mofo and his evil bank. The name "Jamie Dimon" needs to live in infamy. So does "Lloyd Blankfein". So does "Timothy Geithner". "Ben Bernanke". "Daniel Mudd". "Jon Corzine". "Fred Goodwin".

And so on.

These names need to become caricatures of evil, as "Hitler" is. Public disgust with these sociopaths on an individual level is the only thing that will bring any form of (eventual) justice, since we cannot rely on a hopelessly corrupt justice system in this century.

We need a lot more naming of names on an individual level. The list is fairly long, but still we need to become familiar with who these individuals are, who are responsible for destroying our society and we must never forget, and never let our children forget, who they are and what they have done. They must have a loud, and black, reputation and a legacy. They can't sue EVERYONE to make us shut up.


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:10 | 2245023 Zero_Sum
Zero_Sum's picture

Don't forget Brian Moynihan.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 19:14 | 2245896 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

You bet....and that little orange oompa loopa guy.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:20 | 2245059 eddiebe
eddiebe's picture

Yes and we need to know their street address.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:27 | 2245068 Renfield
Renfield's picture

Info like that would certainly have made the Greek protests a lot more effective, rather than occupying/destroying their own public places.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:10 | 2245026 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

i think asking him to "humble himself" is a bridge too far. "self aware" on the other hand...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:16 | 2245047 TooBearish
TooBearish's picture

I remember when Jamie was taken up Sandy Wiell's ever seeking roll up in the mid-late 1980s when he helped Sandy in the aquisition of Commericial Credit by American Can - at the time Jamie asked me to explain Proprietary trading to him....together these two burned a swath of destroyed careers and dreams at once very fine firms including Citi, Salomon Brothers, Smith Barney, Shearson, Kidder, Travellers, etc.....

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:26 | 2245075 Renfield
Renfield's picture

Too many of those companies I'd forgotten until reading your comment. I remember how respected some of them were, and now they are fading into the mists of time.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:48 | 2245134 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

That's what happens when you are building financial Walmarts.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:18 | 2245049 eddiebe
eddiebe's picture

Jamie to Mr. Koutoulas: Hahahaha, blow it out your ass!

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:19 | 2245051 Scalaris
Scalaris's picture



Dear Mr. Koutoulas, Esq. 

Bankers individual + shareholders profit > moral values.

Welcome to reality.





That's some dexterous anilingus sprinkled with a touch of rehashed moralistic verbiage, directed towards Mr. Dimon. 

Good job.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:25 | 2245073 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

Greeks say all this much better by one act: throwing Molotovs.

Greek Americans write eloquent letters of complaint and pretend to be outraged. Morality... ah if only.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:19 | 2245053 Haole
Haole's picture


This "letter" belongs in a little girl's diary, not on ZH.  LOL at James L. Koutoulas, Esq.


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 16:43 | 2245499 Troy Ounce
Troy Ounce's picture

Obviously the writer believes in the rule of law in the US.


There is no way JPM will lose a court case: they are the US gov like GS is the Fed.

Next to that, they are TBTF.

Tell your teachers and farmers to start eating humble pie: this is how the US system works, 1% winners and 99% losers.

There is no way in hell you are going to win this.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 18:07 | 2245755 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

The only way to win is with a lynchmob and hang the little prick. Screw the "law" that's their game.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 20:17 | 2246004 Haole
Haole's picture

Open letter to James L. Koutoulas, Esq.


If you did send this "letter" to JD he's laughing at you and your customers too because you're all going to see more shaft than an elevator by the time your disintegrating fairy tale runs it's course. 

The End.



Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:21 | 2245060 Tao 4 the Show
Tao 4 the Show's picture

The author should watch "Fishead", a documentary available on YouTube, or maybe read "Political Ponerology" to understand the tragicomical futility of his letter and the gargantuan central reality missing from his education and worldview.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:34 | 2245101 AgShaman
AgShaman's picture

I agree. It's like sitting down for a fireside chat with a Psychopath....and thinking you can change the evil ways of the psychopath.

These bankster parasites enjoy being psychopaths....they have no intention of rethinking their ways...they enjoy being psychopaths



The Dept. of Redundancy Dept.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:55 | 2245148 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

Talk therapy only helps the sociopaths be better at being sociopaths.  I learned that from Dr. Melfi on The Sopranos.



Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:25 | 2245316 Yardfarmer
Yardfarmer's picture

"should you continue down the path you are on". that's really rich. bwahahahahaha1 

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:26 | 2245318 Yardfarmer
Yardfarmer's picture


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 19:09 | 2245879 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:27 | 2245077 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Dear Godimon;  I used to worship you.  Thou wert the greatest thief and grifter I had ever imagined, but you were real.  I was exstatic (Tyson, M.) to meat someone so void of emoticons that I just shivered.   I found my lord and master and it was good.  I pretended that you did only good things until you MF'd me and my clients.  

Can you believe this crap?   The New Audubon Society needs to get this guy in the record books in case we get law and order back.


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:29 | 2245083 Renfield
Renfield's picture

Voted up for making me laugh. My face was starting to freeze in that grim scowl.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:29 | 2245080 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

My eyes glazed over reading this. I wonder if the author was thinking of giving Jamie a rim job and a reach-around between the flowery tongue lashings.

Four years late and a few trillion short.

I gave it a one.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 18:05 | 2245743 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

agreed, typical lawyer stupidity.  Just call Dimon what he is and stfu, a steaming pile of human shit.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:32 | 2245088 Tony Arko
Tony Arko's picture

Why is it that Breitbart takes a stroll down a street and dies but Dimon does not?  Can't Americans catch a break?

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:37 | 2245107 Zola
Zola's picture

Its a bit late to wake up now Mr Koutoulas isnt it??? Where were you in 2008,2009,2010,2011 ...oh wait , probably just milking it and you had no pb with it...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:40 | 2245117 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

Dimon did not change, he was always scum... like his ugly brother Blankfein...  The gov and "Justice" dept, including the SEC and CFTC will not touch him, as he owns too many regulators and congressmen... guys like this toxic turd show clearly the system is broken, and the pretty promises that Obama spewed about a clean-up was clearly bullshit.  read this:

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 00:53 | 2246440 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

"like his ugly brother Blankfein..."

Lloyd Blank-dick-fein does resemble an ugly circumcised penis... doesn't he....

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:45 | 2245125 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

Dimon, Rubin, Llyod, Bendonkey, Greenspan, Dudley, Geithner and many more should not be allowed to procreate. What kind of women hangs out with these guys, Shows the pathetic nature of chicks of the USSA.
FU Dimon.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 14:34 | 2245222 PeaceLover
PeaceLover's picture

Sorry really good looking! 

Sad to say but most wh*()s will go with the next John if he has money.

Money is power.
And women and men can be bought.

Why do the bankster always. win... money.

congress doesn't have enough.. sole to resist the money.


And a note to your question.. they are a lot of wonderful women in every part of the world, and they would be caught dead selling out.




Sun, 03/11/2012 - 19:01 | 2245861 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

I would chew off my own arm before being with Dimon. 

Well, except that I could picture using feminine charm to lure him to his demise.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 21:41 | 2246159 kekekekekekeke
kekekekekekeke's picture

You're commenting about the state of American women because one USSA woman married Jamie Dimon, an USSA man without a parallel or even stronger statement about USSA men (as he's not merely marrying in he's doing this shit) because what the fuck you're one hell of a guy I'm sure?

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 10:07 | 2247000 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

Andrea Mitchell is Greenspan's wife, and I'm sure that old geezer and Adrea aren't producing anything but scabies on a regular basis.

How about her objective reporting? NBC is owned, big time.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:46 | 2245128 JR
JR's picture

The international banker wears the black hat, rides into town, robs the people, bribes the sheriff, and rides away leaving the people with the losses. It happened in Argentina; bankers departing after the thefts owing the people a monstrous debt. It’s happening now in Greece and as James Koutoulas courageously relates, in the United States of America. We cheated you, we took your money, and here’s what you’ve got to do…

The Greek banker-austerity-program is essentially an accelerated Increase Greek Poverty program - with jobs non-existent except those below the poverty line (youth unemployment exceeds 50%); a 22 percent cut imposed on the minimum wage, elimination of rent subsidies for the poor, widespread cuts in pensions and safety nets for the elderly, exorbitant property taxes sometimes exceeding rental income, private businesses failing at the rate of 105,000 in 2011 (600,000 total since ‘08) with 60,000 more likely this year, public sector enterprises such as water companies pushed into private ownership, rising health care concerns for citizens unable to pay for shelter and medicine; hospitals faced with shortages of medical supplies…

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

The past includes a similar banker-rape of Argentina culminating in 2001 in riots.  How, one asks, was it possible for so rich a country to have so many people going hungry?  It was possible because the country was ransacked by a new form of aggression… by a daily and silent violence of never-ending debt…of impoverishment and corruption in one of the biggest bank swindles ever perpetrated against mankind, enriching Argentinean financiers and international bankers who used their control of finance to empty the country of its wealth.

Argentina’s 2001 Economic Collapse

Says David W. Cooney: Argentina HAD a vibrant economy where the people were well off. ? Monopolistic international corporations used their economic influence to bribe and otherwise manipulate government officials to pillage the country's wealth and send the people into dire poverty.

From the video come laments by elderly protesters who’d lost their savings:

“A dollar at a time!  I saved during the 25 years I worked so I could live decently when I retired, not on a State pension.  Why don’t the banks treat us like their foreign customers?  That’s why I’m banging on my pan… Bombs are not my style…”

“I’m the oldest newsvendor in Avellaneda.  For 65 years I’ve sold newspaper. All of my savings are in Citibank. The manager of the agency says they’ll return them to me.  It’s a lie!  Everything I’ve saved by making sacrifices is in their hands…”

I don’t want a state of siege or to be a pawn of the International Monetary Fund,  screamed a woman amidst the noise and fires as police riding raging horses bore down with clubs and whips on the protesting Argentineans...

This alliance of foreign banks and international corporations that came to power in Argentina with a policy of indebtedness left in its wake an unpaid debt of $23 billion owed the people by the multinational operators - Citibank, First Boston, Chase, Bank of America, Banco de Italila….  The people, facing crisis and rising oil prices, were bled dry, while the police and a complicit government protected the thieves from their victims.

The world no longer can afford to have these people running governments.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 20:54 | 2246088 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"those who cannot remember period are condemned to be repeatedly...

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:50 | 2245136 know-zilch
know-zilch's picture

it is funny to see how everyone here knows what to say to Dimon but never does...only after someone does then we all critisize them form our sofa' distance never hurts 

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:03 | 2245266 trying to make ...
trying to make sense of it all's picture

Here, here! Couldn't have expressed it better. Unbelievable.

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 00:49 | 2246433 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

What did you expect from a country of couch potatoes anyway...

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 04:47 | 2246640 The Real Fake E...
The Real Fake Economy's picture

you're right.  i've met dimon once in person as I used to work for jpm.  if i had that face to face now i would no question just break his jaw.  

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:50 | 2245137 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

Mr. Dimon,

God doesn't want you doing his work, and neither do we. Jump, you fucker!


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 18:02 | 2245737 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

and if he doesn't jump..........PUSH HIM.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 21:13 | 2246121 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

Can I push him?

Better yet:  Let's start a lottery.  Buy a ticket for a chance to push 'em.  Although, I'd like to site him up in my crosshairs.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 13:57 | 2245140 Sathington Willougby
Sathington Willougby's picture


I'm sorry it's come to this, me begging and pleading for my nation, but here goes:

If you haven't noticed, the President has thumbed his nose at Congress and is allowing the UN to dictate the war powers of the USA.

Are you willing to sit back and be represented in a ceremonial fashion by Congress?

I'm not.

You are being acclimated to a dictatorial form of government each time the president bypasses Congress in declaration of war, legislating, or abusing power to bypass due process.

Good Americans have fallen overboard and our nation is sailing away.

I know we don't necessarily agree politically, but this isn't politics.  This is a coup.

I know you can agree with this, we should have put a stop to this a long time ago.  

But how to stop it now?

There is a congressional resolution to address this.  Remember, war powers lie solely with the Congress defined in Article 1 of the Constitution..

" All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing "


If you want to do something, PLEASE take a minute to call your congressman.  

Get the word out.  Melt down the phone lines in DC.  

Google who represents me

Here's all you have to say to your representative in Congress:  

"My name is so-and-so, I urge you to co-sponsor H CON RES 107 which the President is in clear violation of.  Thank you."

Please pass this information on, because as you should be well aware of by now, the media isn't going to do anything to challenge this. 


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 15:08 | 2245279 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture


If you want to do something, PLEASE take a minute to call your congressman. 


They told me he was on his yacht heading for the Caribbean to personally attend to his offshore holdings... and would get back to me as soon as he returns and clears out his inbox, front-runs some choice equities and finishes campaigning.


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:37 | 2245663 JR
JR's picture

In that a ZHer has pointed out that comments starting in italics deactivate the thumbs up/down arrows, may I say you have succinctly summed up our Congress.


Sun, 03/11/2012 - 18:00 | 2245733 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

what a waste of a phone call.  if you REALLY want to do something take a minute and HANG your congressman.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 18:55 | 2245847 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

That would surely send a message....but I'm sad to say that such an action does not appeal.  The man who shot G. Giffords likely felt justified as that sick little brain.

We somehow just need to clean out the bad via votes.  But its fun to fantasize, I'll give you that.

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:39 | 2245670 groundedkiwi
groundedkiwi's picture

congress is not interested in any declarations of war. the reason being that then the war profiteering laws will come into force. its a lot more lucrative the way things stand.

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