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Guest Post: Secret EU Plans To Create EuroTeams Leaked
From Peter Tchir of TF Market Advisors
(PT) Secret EU Plans To Create EuroTeams Leaked
(Brussels)
In conjunction with Eurobonds, EU officials have been working on plans to create Euroteams for the Olympics, World Cup, and the Eurovision Song Test. Officially, the effort is supposed to solidify the fiscal union that will have to occur to make Eurobonds the success the market has already decided they would be. Off the record, at least one official felt that letting Brussels be in charge of the Euroteams would make their jobs more important.
Reaction so far has been swift and vehement. One London Olympic Organizer was heard to say "We finally invite them to invade us, and they can't even get that right!"
Trading floors across the city and the rest of Europe are in a state of pandemonium. "Utter Rubbish" says one British trader. "They are just doing it so we won't ever win the world cup again, they just never got over that we kept our own currency" lamented another. French traders were dumbfounded, yet adamant that Les Bleus would never agree to a combined team. Spanish traders have attacked the plan, saying "it is one thing for you to give us money and support our caja's, but to try and steal our glory as World Cup Champions, well that is another thing entirely!" German traders put it more succinctly "Nein".
Dutch citizens took it all in stride, while enjoying a leisurely smoke at a coffee house, one supporter mentioned, "We never win it on our own, so maybe this is a chance for us".
French Politicians, while not coming out in favor of the plan, did say that if it occurs, "the Managing Director title must be given to a Frenchmen, it would only be fair, since the last big International job had been awarded to a French woman" Difficult to understand through the sobs and tears, but it is believed that one leading politician was said to say "It was one thing to give away their money, but their national soccer team, how can I ever do that?" She is currently being consoled by several members of her staff who hope she will be prepared for this epic struggle.
Several Italian fashion houses have been instructed to work on uniforms for the team, because as one politician put it, "If you are going to do it, you better look good while doing it."
The Finns have already entered into negotiations for a side letter demanding at least 25 spots on the summer Olympic team if the EU wants them to send any of their athletes to the Winter Olympics. "We have said it before, and we will say it again, we are a small nation and have to protect our interests".
Estonians are reacting with shock. Widely recognized as the best per capita performers at Eurovision, many citizens are wondering what to do now that they might not be represented at the one event that brought ethnic Estonians and Russians together. This reporter couldn't find any citizens in Malta, Cyprus, or Luxembourg and wonders why they really care about the EU at all.
American traders, busy eating lunch and buying stocks, were generally optimistic, though most admitted never really understanding what all the fuss about soccer and singing was. They did ask whether Brits would be allowed on the European Ryder Cup team going forward? A California splinter group that had been hoping to enter its own Olympic team is not sure how to proceed. "We have been compared to Greece so often that we thought it was only fair we have our own Olympic team, but that might be on hold now, with Europe only sending one team"
Russia and China have issued a joint statement. They are big fans of Eurobonds, but are concerned that one football team may be unfair and would have to be examined in more detail. They have also submitted a resolution to the UN security council requesting that only 1 EU nation can ever serve on it at any time. Brazil is less sanguine. They want our money for those stupid Eurobonds and then they are going to spend it trying to build a team to win the World Cup? We will see about that. Several Canadians were caught on tape saying "Eh?"
The cynical part of me believes traders like Eurobonds and see them as being a natural progression because it will help this year's bonus pool. They see all the problems and complications arising from Euroteams because they are concerned there won't be enough tickets or boondoggles to go around. That might just be cruel, but I am convinced more time would be spent on showing how difficult it would be to create Euroteams, than has been spent on seeing how unlikely Eurobonds are to work.
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EuroTeams = Epic Fail
Nigel Farage This Morning:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pry5iL4TIa8
Great speech as usual by Mr. Farage. Thanks.
Yes, and getting some aplause too.
This had to come from the Onion. If not, then one can only wonder what the mascots will be for the Portugal, Ireland, and Greece combined team.
hahaha they're mental. kookoo
EUROVISION SONG
WilliamBanzai7
United forever in bankruptcy and illusory progress,
Our insolvent member states will barely endure.
The Great European Union will dive in many stages.
The Ponzi dream of a people their fiat fortunes insecure.
Long live our Euro Disneyland,
Paid by the people to the bankers greedy hand.
Long live our peons, united but not debt free.
Strong in our hardship tried by austere fires.
Long may our bailout flags transpire,
A shining inglorious story for all wise men to see.
Through days dark and stormy where Great Morons lead
Our eyes saw the bright sun of easy money above
Those buffoons our moron leaders with faith in the pinstriped people,
Inspired us to build and build and build upon the land that we love.
Long live our Euro Disneyland,
Paid by the people to the bankers greedy hand.
Long live our peons, united but not debt free.
Strong in our hardship tried by austere fire.
Long may our bailout flag flag transpire,
A shining inglorious story for all wise men to see.
We bought for the future, destroyed the anti-free market fascists,
And brought to our homeland the bankrupt laurels of shame.
Our story will live in the memory of wise but solvent nations
And future generations will recall our ignoble fame.
Long live our Euro Disneyland,
Paid by the people to the bankers greedy hand.
Long live our peons, united but not debt free.
Strong in our hardship tried by austere fire.
Long may our bailout flag transpire,
A shining inglorious story for all wise men to see.
AWESOME STUFF, WB7
Sung in the tune of We Are the World or the German national anthem? Lets lock Kraftwerk to produce the MTV video.
Will be one hell of a soccer team.
oh yeah, fans will love it. sorta if the yankess merged wioth the red sox.
They'd manage to lose to Brazil 5 nil.
GOOAAAL(D)!
man i felt like i was just reading the ONION , well done boys
NEW WORLD (dis)ORDER...
Heaven Is Where:
The French are the chefs
The Italians are the lovers
The British are the police
The Germans are the mechanics
And the Swiss make everything run on time
Hell is Where:
The British are the chefs
The Swiss are the lovers
The French are the mechanics
The Italians make everything run on time
And the Germans are the police
Nothing to beat the swedes for blondes, blondes, blondes. The Belgians for blonde beer, and the Croats for blonde beaches.
never saw so many redheads as i did when in europe
PARADISE!
I gotta negative from brunette lovers! I accept that!
EURO teams would help solve the economic crisis for non EU Europe.
Imagine how much money would be generated in places like Croatia, Russia, Serbia, Belarus, Norway, Ukraine and everyone else left out of the Euro Club.
Your meager small team would be guaranteed to reach every qualifying round for every tournament in all manner of world cups. They would get an extra tourist season every four years. Sure you would always lose but who cares, you just got to charge EURO team fans an arm and a leg to cheer the team to the 7 to 0 result in your back water stadium.
VISA ADD
Your EUROteam has a semi final in Iceland.
You need to buy an Arctic Suit, Plane tickets, Hotel room and seat to the game.
VISA, exclusive card for the Iceland Stadium, can offer you a payment plan to finance your trip.
Enjoy.
VISA, if you have to ask how much it will cost, your not a real fan. You're EURO TRASH.
Obviously this concept is absurd. Euros would never go for it. It is useful in that it highlights how out of touch these people are in order to come up with such an idea.
euro bonds, then amero bonds, then asia bonds, then earth bonds, then who the fuck will buy those?
Negotiations have been started with the Alpha Centaurians. Rumor has it they are already on board.
Oh fuck, I can just see it now. The World Bank bailing out Alpha Centauri.
Really, we gotta stop giving these Bozos new ideas....
"The New Galactic Order"
Help!
Let's cut to the chase here. Take the Euro players from Munich, Manchester, Barcelona and Madrid. Put euro colors on them and call them the euro team. Seems only fair. Right?
well, that is what they did in golf for the Ryder Cup. Used to be US vs Great Britain. But population wise US vs Europe is a better comparison.
They could make Portugese their national language.
the europeans have a language. Its a bit like the Euro construct, its called the Esperanto.
And like the Euro, having been one humdinger of a bad idea, nobody really gives a fuck about it and won't miss it when it's long gone.
Team Europe - fuck yeah!
Team Europe vs. Team America SET TO SAVE TO WORLD!!!
I love puppet shows :)
Comparing Team Europe with Team America puppets is so appropriate. CG has eliminated the strings but don't be worried about figuring out which are the puppets, they all are.
Only in Euroland :)
MAYBE NOW WE BELGIUM PEOPLE GET TO ACTUALLY PLAY A GAME!!
Brazil just called and said, "Finally, a little competition!"
Tylers, this report should be relegated to the Eurotrash bin of history.
As long as Ronaldo and Kaka can still be used as collatoral...
Clearly this is bullish for silver (medals).
Will German sprinters have to carry a greek on their back?
Are they trying to make Europe a single country? You can't have the masses cheering for a team unless you have unified nationalism. Currency just won't cut it. Clever but like the Germans said "nein".
The fans will just invade each others cities and take prisoners if you don't give them blood every week. Viking style raids will come back in style. Manchester U will attack Spain to take out the support for the bank and some wad named Chamberlain will start talking appeasement and its all over.
Farage is Britain's Farraday Cage against Euro lolling or trolling
I have insider knowledge of something which I should not share but feel compelled to. So here it is, be ready to fasten your seatbelts. The ECB is currently making plans to build a blue and gold stealth jet which can fly at very low altitudes. The ECB plans to get a team on the 2012 Formula 1 grid and have its Euro-colored jet compete against the other teams. If all works according to plan, the ECB would then sell Eurobonds with F1 championship points as collateral. This is secret, inside information so DO NOT CIRCULATE.
Has Europe decided on a common language yet?
That fight I want to see.
nope, they wanted to start with something easy, like sharing money...
it's a monetary tower of babel
Or Babble.
Either works.
The side effects of hopium they are smoking in EU are getting to dangerous levels.
Greeks will get the Team Accounting. English will get the Team Cooking.
hahahaha what a complete and utter pile of Onion, National Enquirer, Washington Post, Obama Speech bullshit, they can create one Euro currency, but they will never ever fucking over the dead bodies of millions create one Euro football team! I know the Irish, the Germans, the Croatians etc etc would rather lose their limbs and never play again than have to cheer on some common Euro football team. This is hands down the worst article ever put on Zero Hedge yet, sorry Tyler!
That was hilarious! And with an even deeper channel of commentary that was a pleasure beyond the humor.
Kudos and thanks.
Blame yourself, Finns and Eurovision Song Contest mentioned in the same story
(this is also a perfect way to insult as many nationalities as possible):
What do the Finns do at various temperatures in comparison to what happens elsewhere in the world:
15 ° C (59 F)
Spaniards use woolly hats, gloves and jackets.
Finns sunbathe.
10 ° C (50 F)
The French try in vain to get the central heating going.
Finns plant flowers.
5 ° C (41 F)
Italian cars do not start.
Finns drive in convertible cars.
0 ° C ( 32 F)
Pure water freezes.
Vantaa river water becomes a bit thicker.
-5 ° C (23 F)
First people freeze to death in California.
Finnish Midsummer festivities end.
-10 ° C (14 F)
Scots begin to heat their homes.
Finns start using long-sleeved shirts.
-20 ° C (- 4 F)
Swedes stay indoors.
Finnish barbecue the last sausages before winter.
-30 ° C (-22 F)
Half of the Greeks freeze to death.
Finns start drying the laundry inside.
-40 ° C (-40 F)
Fake Santa Clauses move south.
Finnish army cancels winter maneuvres due to warm weather.
-50 ° C (-58 F)
The teeth of Danes fall from their mouths.
Finns rent video movies and stay inside.
-60 ° C (-76 F)
Polar bears evacuate the North Pole.
Finnish army winter maneuvres begin.
-70 ° C (-94 F)
Siberians move to Moscow.
Finns get angry because Koskenkorva (local vodka) cannot be stored outdoors anymore.
-273 ° C (-460 F)
Absolute zero.
Finns say to each other: "Perkele ('Damn'), that's cold outside!"
-300 ° C (-508 F)
Hell freezes over.
Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest.
How long does the Hopium buzz last? It's not the good shit we got years ago.
Sorry OT but I have to share it:
http://g.co/maps/w9mpm
The description on the left
excellent, funniest thing I've read in a long time... :)
Secret EU Plans To Create EuroTeams LeakedNo doubt under the leadership of
http://www.captaineuro.com/
euroteam, that's hillarious. that's actually would benefit crappy football teams like england and germany. and who's going to be their coach; an american? ;-)
It would be hilarious to see a whole soccer team falling down trying to garner penalties from their own teammates out of spite because of this abortion. Go for it Europe! America is just a joke without a punchline. You are providing much needed comic relief these days.
Really.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Those people can not reverse engineer a good idea.
Generally I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so, Excellent post!
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