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Guest Post: Secretly Serviced

Tyler Durden's picture


Submitted by Azizonomics

Secretly Serviced

I don’t understand the furore around Obama’s secret service handlers being (ahem) secretly serviced by Colombian hookers.

To writers like myself who specialise in salacious analogies, the incident was a gift. To the rest of the press, who don’t normally get to write about such matters, it was an excuse to shoot off pent-up sexual frustration. So I can understand the press pushing the story just the way Bill Clinton pushes expensive cigar cases (enthusiastically, by all accounts).

The worry, apparently, is the potential to compromise the President’s security. Rep. Peter King, chairman of the House committee that oversees the Secret Service, says the key question is whether the prostitutes could have accessed “any data or information that could have compromised the president of the United States or made an enemy force aware of the practices and procedures of the Secret Service.”

But surely this applies to all sexual relationships, not strictly ones for money? Surely prostitutes are absolutely the safest kind of liaisons? After all, why would a foreign agent trying to sequester intelligence information try and charge the American agent for sex? If you were setting a honey trap, why would you create some barrier to entry, such as a fee? There’s playing hard to get, and then there’s playing easy to brush off, and that would be the latter.

And certainly there does not appear to have been any breach of security, or danger to the President’s life. The agents were on their downtime, spending their own money. So isn’t this really a personal matter for betrayed spouses?

Doesn’t the government have better things to worry about than the sexual conduct of their employees? Like — oh I don’t know — the $15 trillion national debt? Or spiralling long term unemployment? Certainly there is no suggestion that any of the women involved were forced, or were trafficked.

The outburst that comes to mind comes from Janet “Big Sis” Napolitano who claimed their actions were “inexcusable”. Really? Engaging in consensual sexual acts for money is inexcusable, but blowing up innocent women and children in drone strikes in Pakistan is just fine?

This just seems like more encroachment by big government into the sex lives of individuals. Here’s some news for you Sec. Napolitano: men sometimes like having sex with hookers. Hookers like the money. Voluntary transactions between consenting adults make the world go round.

Deal with it.


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Thu, 04/26/2012 - 19:00 | 2378498 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

yes, everyone has backstory, and not everyone's backstory is told *here* - until it is - so we can only go by the posts we read.

and yes, I'll admit my increasing agitation (which ebbs and flows) with the numbing-dumbing of these threads led me to picking your post out of the thread to reply to - after "shushup" - however!

when you ask me to "read deeper. think harder" - oh trust me, I do.  and it takes me beyond identifying with a body or sex type, or a national statehood, or a form-ticked-race-box, or indeed, most of what passes as "reality" for the overwhelming majority of amrkns. 

and, for me, that also includes the "godly" - which, because you capitalise yours, leads one to believe in a specific version - you know, one that includes some, excludes others - that guy.  but I'll not go there - as I said, I was out for snark, and despite your preceeding posts which had some slivers of bait, I'll leave you in peace.           (with an upvote for making me laugh, at your words targeting me, and at myself)

You will get there some day.

there is no there there.  

                        ~ gertrude stein

Fri, 04/27/2012 - 18:06 | 2381265 SILVERGEDDON

If there is no "there", then, there is only "here". An intolerable situation, leading to the Indiana Jones leap of faith blindly into the void, trusting that the path will present itself to the faithful to break on through to the other side. It is high time we broke the shackles of perception, and false authority, and claimed our birth right. Stirring the pot is by far more interesting than turning into the burnt crust on the bottom, taking all the heat, and thinking there is no other reality. Stirring the pot makes for good soup ! Enjoy everything - there are too many assholes wasting the most precious gifts - life, and freedom. Usually found in herds - politicians, bureaucrats, and bankers in particular.

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 09:06 | 2376254 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

Was it legal? Yes. Should they be fired or resign? Yes. When you work for the gov and are on gov business, you are a defacto representative. Like it or not. You are an ambassador for this nation.  I worked for Uncle Sugar for many years. This is not a secret, and everyone knows this.  Of course this kind of stuff probably happens all the time, either by military or civilian personnel.  But if the media gets a lead, and you embarrass your gov and/or your organization by your behavior, you got a problem. A BIG problem.  So what's the moral of the story?


Thu, 04/26/2012 - 09:07 | 2376260 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

The Secret Service took the fall for Obama - it was Obama ordering room service.

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 09:18 | 2376290 cnhedge
Thu, 04/26/2012 - 09:35 | 2376329 dbTX
dbTX's picture

Your stimulus dollars at work.

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:01 | 2376408 XitSam
XitSam's picture

If it was stimulation, why do I feel so dirty?

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 09:54 | 2376379 eddiebe
eddiebe's picture

Is Janet a tranny?

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:24 | 2376485 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

That's diplomatic.

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:15 | 2376450 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Here's a new angle to the SS shenanigans :

REPORT: Obama's Security Team Got Wasted And Bought Prostitutes In El Salvador Too - Business Insider

It looks like these SS guys are multitaskers and are training to be Porn artists on the side. On multitasking : 

The Best Multitaskers In Hollywood - Business Insider

I wonder if Obammy is jealous. 

He may need to multitask as Potus!

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:17 | 2376457 Dull Which
Dull Which's picture

11 Secret Service Agents


21 Laydeez


What did the one SS agent do wrong not to get tag teamed?

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:26 | 2376494 Ted Baker
Ted Baker's picture


Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:45 | 2376598 Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

Do the agents have free will, or did romney pay to have that removed?

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:32 | 2376528 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture

"2 Secret Service Guards came seconds too late" ?

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:43 | 2376586 Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

Mr Napolitano approves of TSA pedos groping people against their will, but consensual sex should be outlawed.


compare gold and silver prices

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:43 | 2376587 malek
malek's picture

This is America!
Nudity and sex are by definition much worse than maiming and killing people - on TV or in real life.

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 11:26 | 2376758 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

The SS getting some tail is the very LEAST of Americas worries, I could care less. Too bad we can't have this kind of coverage on MF Global and JPM.

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 11:58 | 2376870 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Ridiculous article combining the potential of security breaches on a foreign Presidential visit with mideast conflict.

Do better.

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 13:52 | 2377318 mendolover
mendolover's picture

The guy with the glasses is a douche.

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 13:58 | 2377334 Clint Liquor
Clint Liquor's picture

Prostitution is none of your, mine or the Government's business.

Pro-choice advocates claim a womans body is her own  and Government has no right to tell her what to do with it. But they are more than willing to throw her in jail for renting it out. Of course, Pro-lifers want the same. Nice to see they agree on something.


Thu, 04/26/2012 - 14:09 | 2377394 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

"Engaging in consensual sexual acts for money is inexcusable, but blowing up innocent women and children in drone strikes in Pakistan is just fine?"

Yes, in fact, because the first is out of our control and the second is a demonstration of our control.

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 14:17 | 2377413 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture

Secret Service Repaired Personal Cars Instead of Presidential Limos

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 16:01 | 2377836 vh070
vh070's picture

There must be some official position on how to manage the pent up sexual frustrations arising in citizens engaging in stressful activities such as securing POTUS.  I vote for special relief officers to accompany these loyal and patriotic security personnel for the purposes of relieving such stresses, particularly in foreign countries.  Candidates will need to pass a health check. I forget what the acronym stands for now but PUTAS came quickly to mind.  

Thu, 04/26/2012 - 17:27 | 2378173 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Nice blog post photo, BTW....

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