Have $2,000 In Cash In Your Fidelity Account? Then You Too Can Qualify To Lose Money On The Manchester United IPO

Tyler Durden's picture

Have $100,000 in "certain assets at Fidelity" and at least $2,000 in cash for close margin call encounters (you will need it)? Then you too are eligible to participate in the next IPO collapse, coming on August 9th in the form of the Manchester United public offering, which is going to be such an epic disaster it not only has middle market junk bond specialist Jefferies as lead left, that it has already opened itself up to retail participation by all the sub-underwriters, and as of this morning such reputable brokers as Fidelity are seeking indications of interest. Which simply means there is absolutely no interest at the institutional level. The last time this happened? FaceBerg, which went from $43 to $21 in about a month.

From the horse's mouth:

Eligibility:  Eligibility for participation in traditional IPOs led by Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co. (KKR) is reserved for brokerage customers with a minimum of $100,000 in certain assets at Fidelity. Other providers of traditional IPOs, and other equity public offerings made through Fidelity may be reserved for brokerage customers with a minimum of $100,000 or $500,000 in certain assets at Fidelity. Auction OpenIPOs and Secondary offerings made available through Fidelity are reserved for brokerage customers with a minimum of $100,000 in certain assets held at Fidelity. Members of Premium Services or customers who have placed 36 or more stock, fixed income, or option trades in a rolling 12-month period are eligible for either traditional or auction based offerings... Other assets may be included in the calculation at our discretion. In addition, an account in which an indication of interest is entered must have at least $2,000 in cash or fully paid securities.

Said otherwise, please make sure to have $2,000 in cash in your Fidelity account. Because that money will be promplty lost.

h/t Paul

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Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Hold on a second. Aren't these the guys that just pried $600 million out of GM?

OK, so maybe that's about as tough as rolling a drunk, but still. They DID pick the right drunk to roll.

El Oregonian's picture

At least with Manchester United you KNOW their going to kick you in the nuts right out of the gate!!! unlike FACECROOK.....

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture


strannick's picture

Dividends will be paid in Wayne Rooney's dandruff. Now if it were Manchester CITY going public, that would be another story.

Neethgie's picture

yeah it would be an even bigger short than this one... they cant afford the wage bill without the sheik..

AlaricBalth's picture

Just knew JPM had to be there somewhere. Leads are Jeffries, Credit Suisse and JP Morgan. Selling shareholders listed on pg. 118.

The Risk Factors are a scarier read then a Poe short story.
“For the love of God, Montresor!”

Jay Gould Esq.'s picture

Would this be, perchance, the very same Fidelity which is a top ten holder of Green Mountain Coffee Roasters, Zynga, J.C. Penney, et alii ? A fine track record indeed, worthy of a fistful of hard-earned capital.

Postscript: "For the love of God, Montresor !"

"The Cask of Amontillado" -- one of Poe's finest.

Muppet of the Universe's picture

DOES ANYONE KNOW IF INTRADE HAS A MU IPO BET GOING?  Time to SHORT this mafucka the real way :D  With manly intrade betting.

Not Too Important's picture

GM gives $600,000,000 for ManU shirt deal:


They pried the money out of Obama, courtesy of the US taxpayer. Nobody's buying GM cars, so maybe GM's going in the clothing business.

Yes, they DID.

Muppet of the Universe's picture


sunaJ's picture

Look at the jokes that are IPOs of late - nothing to do with true production - just the financialization of social/service and entertainment networks.  With the record drop in IPOs and the historic drubbing of those that are offered, it is all symptomatic of the collapse of market viability.  There's nothing left but the pump-and-dump, to which everyone is now privy.


Peter Pan's picture

You hit the nail on the head. We are earing the end and soon I expect Manchester United to be selling naming rights to the first goal and winning goal as a form of revenue raising.

Lohn Jocke's picture

"Wayne Rooney scores! Brought to you by Roadkill hair transplant studios!"

Dr Benway's picture

Not just IPOs. The whole West has gone from producing to trying to spin money out of money.


The financial sector is just dead weight to society, and it constitutes 30% of the share market here in Australia.

Papasmurf's picture

Facebook principles did very well.  It's their investors who had their clocks cleaned. 

Muppet of the Universe's picture

YOU SIR, ARE A LIAR!  FB has treated me well.


SECOND SIR,  you insult the market for ESTABLISHING FAIR MARKET VALUE?  If you are buying in b4 mu ipo?  Then you are a fucking moron with no understanding of a mother fucking peg ratio or fair market valuation.  If an IPO gets crushed when it comes out?  It's b/c muppets bought it in bubble form b4 the ipo launch.  Do you fUCKING homework - aka NOT TECHNICALS - and establish FMV damnit.

nathan1234's picture

Put your foul mouth and your money into the MU IPO.

Pass this IPO ball between your two legs and scream


Rest of us know what we should do.




philipat's picture

Jim O'Neil was going to be "The Red Knight"? If Goldman won't touch it, that says all you need to know. The Glazers just want to pass along some of the enormous debt they created when paying themselves a dividend after buying the Club. Before it implodes.

A perfect illustration of how fucked up the "Free Markets" have become. A mini-Facefuck?

Darkness's picture

Can't wait to short this all the way down. #BEARDOWN

ACP's picture

Bloody wankers!

A Nanny Moose's picture

Long soccer hooligans....got it.

qussl3's picture

Special dividend time!

What? Shareholders object?

Well screw you, my shares have 10x voting power.



Winston Churchill's picture

Come on MDB.

Tell us how your going to $ cost average this pig.

q99x2's picture

Manchester United. Mooooo

DeFeralCat's picture

I am keeping powder dry for the Houston Astro IPO.

dogbreath's picture

Rats fleeing the sinking ship.    I bet there is attendance data or revenue data to suggest they have peaked ergo share price/value is at a top.   So its time for the shareholder to hold the bag. 

Stupid fuckers

francis_sawyer's picture

 'Zuckerberg'...  'Glazer'...


What do these two names have in common?... (Just a straightforward question)...


Edit: Yet another response validation from a neutral comment... Within 30 seconds, a downvote appears... Never fear ZH'ers... The 'thought police' are on 24/7 prowl to be sure that you know how & what to think on any & every issue...

The Gooch's picture

"It's a kick in the __________"

Frastric's picture

Tyler tell us when we can short this stock! Seems to be an epic money-making opportunity!

chet's picture

Is this the soccer team?  Sports franchises are money losers pretty much across the board.  They are a vanity holding for rich people, who watch the team lose games/money for as long as they can stand it, then sell.  If they make money, it is by selling to an even bigger sucker.

Why would it appeal to anyone to buy public shares in a soccer club?

Hype Alert's picture

Manchester United, Peregrine, Bloomin Brands, Eloqua Inc.


Does that say market top?  Dump and run.

francis_sawyer's picture

How about the fucking Tampa Bay Buccaneers?

ptoemmes's picture









Investors...not so much.


Swarmee's picture

Well, sir, we here at Fidelity are just thrilled to hear you are interested in the Manchester United IPO, it's really quite exciting. Let me just check your eligibility, yes, yes, I see you have $2,000 in your account so I'll just add you to the IPO registry aaaaaaannnnd IT'S GONE!

Sir, please vacate your seat as this office is for solvent customers only.


PiratePawpaw's picture

Every time I get $2000 in any account, I with draw it, buy something tangible, and store it.

Lohn Jocke's picture

Like a safe. Or a Mattress.

BLOTTO's picture

16,666,667 ordinary shares being offered by the 'Red Devils.'


Old Trafford

Theatre of Dreams (Blotto says: and Illusions)

 Dont mess with 'SIR' Alex Ferguson... The Queen royal occultist Bee herself - knighted him.




KenShabby's picture

Have another whiskey Sir Alex - you sod.

duckarooni's picture

Anyone stupid enough to be suckered into this scam deserves to be taken for everything they've got. Glazers = carpetbaggers. Scum of the earth.

Oro's picture

Abigal, Abigal, your father was before his time.  Why paticiapte in this nosense.  You have more class,

Oro's picture

Abigal, Abigal, your father was before his time.  Why paticiapte in this nosense.  You have more class,

NeedleDickTheBugFucker's picture

Unfortunately, I blew all my money on the Boston Celtics IPO back in 1986.  All I got for my lousy investment was this stupid stock certificate.

Papasmurf's picture

That's more than you can get these days.  You can not get a stock certificate anymore.

Lohn Jocke's picture

Love United, Hate Glazer.


Everything that's wrong with overleveraging in the world today, kicking me where it truly hurts.

KenShabby's picture

Fuck the Glazers.

spanish inquisition's picture

Potential My Tin Hat Alert. I am looking for another coincidental coordinated effort similar to the Kayak IPO. A non underwriter (Goldman), downgrades a momo stock (Chipotle), driving the herd into the preferred IPO stock (Kayak).