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Have $2,000 In Cash In Your Fidelity Account? Then You Too Can Qualify To Lose Money On The Manchester United IPO

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Have $100,000 in "certain assets at Fidelity" and at least $2,000 in cash for close margin call encounters (you will need it)? Then you too are eligible to participate in the next IPO collapse, coming on August 9th in the form of the Manchester United public offering, which is going to be such an epic disaster it not only has middle market junk bond specialist Jefferies as lead left, that it has already opened itself up to retail participation by all the sub-underwriters, and as of this morning such reputable brokers as Fidelity are seeking indications of interest. Which simply means there is absolutely no interest at the institutional level. The last time this happened? FaceBerg, which went from $43 to $21 in about a month.

From the horse's mouth:

Eligibility:  Eligibility for participation in traditional IPOs led by Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co. (KKR) is reserved for brokerage customers with a minimum of $100,000 in certain assets at Fidelity. Other providers of traditional IPOs, and other equity public offerings made through Fidelity may be reserved for brokerage customers with a minimum of $100,000 or $500,000 in certain assets at Fidelity. Auction OpenIPOs and Secondary offerings made available through Fidelity are reserved for brokerage customers with a minimum of $100,000 in certain assets held at Fidelity. Members of Premium Services or customers who have placed 36 or more stock, fixed income, or option trades in a rolling 12-month period are eligible for either traditional or auction based offerings... Other assets may be included in the calculation at our discretion. In addition, an account in which an indication of interest is entered must have at least $2,000 in cash or fully paid securities.

Said otherwise, please make sure to have $2,000 in cash in your Fidelity account. Because that money will be promplty lost.

h/t Paul

 

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Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:12 | 2666257 Concentrated po...
Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty.'s picture

Fools!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:17 | 2666284 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Hold on a second. Aren't these the guys that just pried $600 million out of GM?

OK, so maybe that's about as tough as rolling a drunk, but still. They DID pick the right drunk to roll.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:40 | 2666373 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

At least with Manchester United you KNOW their going to kick you in the nuts right out of the gate!!! unlike FACECROOK.....

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:52 | 2666406 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

BIDERSHART ALERT....BIDERSHART ALERT....BIDERSHART ALERT....BIDERSHART ALERT....

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:31 | 2666508 strannick
strannick's picture

Dividends will be paid in Wayne Rooney's dandruff. Now if it were Manchester CITY going public, that would be another story.

Wed, 08/01/2012 - 04:04 | 2667890 Neethgie
Neethgie's picture

yeah it would be an even bigger short than this one... they cant afford the wage bill without the sheik..

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:39 | 2666509 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Just knew JPM had to be there somewhere. Leads are Jeffries, Credit Suisse and JP Morgan. Selling shareholders listed on pg. 118.

The Risk Factors are a scarier read then a Poe short story.
“For the love of God, Montresor!”

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 18:44 | 2666652 Jay Gould Esq.
Jay Gould Esq.'s picture

Would this be, perchance, the very same Fidelity which is a top ten holder of Green Mountain Coffee Roasters, Zynga, J.C. Penney, et alii ? A fine track record indeed, worthy of a fistful of hard-earned capital.

Postscript: "For the love of God, Montresor !"

"The Cask of Amontillado" -- one of Poe's finest.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 19:16 | 2666777 Muppet of the U...
Muppet of the Universe's picture

DOES ANYONE KNOW IF INTRADE HAS A MU IPO BET GOING?  Time to SHORT this mafucka the real way :D  With manly intrade betting.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 20:34 | 2667017 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

GM gives $600,000,000 for ManU shirt deal:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/4463345/Manchester-U...

They pried the money out of Obama, courtesy of the US taxpayer. Nobody's buying GM cars, so maybe GM's going in the clothing business.

Yes, they DID.

Wed, 08/01/2012 - 01:51 | 2667769 Muppet of the U...
Muppet of the Universe's picture

GET YOUR I SHORTED MU IPO T-SHIRTS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  PM ME FOR PURCHASE

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:20 | 2666286 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

Look at the jokes that are IPOs of late - nothing to do with true production - just the financialization of social/service and entertainment networks.  With the record drop in IPOs and the historic drubbing of those that are offered, it is all symptomatic of the collapse of market viability.  There's nothing left but the pump-and-dump, to which everyone is now privy.

 

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:32 | 2666336 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

You hit the nail on the head. We are earing the end and soon I expect Manchester United to be selling naming rights to the first goal and winning goal as a form of revenue raising.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:08 | 2666446 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

"Wayne Rooney scores! Brought to you by Roadkill hair transplant studios!"

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:35 | 2666346 Dr Benway
Dr Benway's picture

Not just IPOs. The whole West has gone from producing to trying to spin money out of money.

 

The financial sector is just dead weight to society, and it constitutes 30% of the share market here in Australia.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:54 | 2666571 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

Facebook principles did very well.  It's their investors who had their clocks cleaned. 

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 19:19 | 2666781 Muppet of the U...
Muppet of the Universe's picture

YOU SIR, ARE A LIAR!  FB has treated me well.

 

SECOND SIR,  you insult the market for ESTABLISHING FAIR MARKET VALUE?  If you are buying in b4 mu ipo?  Then you are a fucking moron with no understanding of a mother fucking peg ratio or fair market valuation.  If an IPO gets crushed when it comes out?  It's b/c muppets bought it in bubble form b4 the ipo launch.  Do you fUCKING homework - aka NOT TECHNICALS - and establish FMV damnit.

Wed, 08/01/2012 - 04:29 | 2667900 nathan1234
nathan1234's picture

Put your foul mouth and your money into the MU IPO.

Pass this IPO ball between your two legs and scream

 

Rest of us know what we should do.

 

 

 

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:21 | 2666297 philipat
philipat's picture

Jim O'Neil was going to be "The Red Knight"? If Goldman won't touch it, that says all you need to know. The Glazers just want to pass along some of the enormous debt they created when paying themselves a dividend after buying the Club. Before it implodes.

A perfect illustration of how fucked up the "Free Markets" have become. A mini-Facefuck?

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:13 | 2666261 Darkness
Darkness's picture

Can't wait to short this all the way down. #BEARDOWN

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:13 | 2666262 ACP
ACP's picture

Bloody wankers!

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 18:15 | 2666604 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Long soccer hooligans....got it.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:14 | 2666269 qussl3
qussl3's picture

Special dividend time!

What? Shareholders object?

Well screw you, my shares have 10x voting power.

 

 

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:14 | 2666272 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Come on MDB.

Tell us how your going to $ cost average this pig.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:15 | 2666277 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Manchester United. Mooooo

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:19 | 2666288 DeFeralCat
DeFeralCat's picture

I am keeping powder dry for the Houston Astro IPO.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:20 | 2666293 dogbreath
dogbreath's picture

Rats fleeing the sinking ship.    I bet there is attendance data or revenue data to suggest they have peaked ergo share price/value is at a top.   So its time for the shareholder to hold the bag. 

Stupid fuckers

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:52 | 2666296 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

 'Zuckerberg'...  'Glazer'...

~~~

What do these two names have in common?... (Just a straightforward question)...

~~~

Edit: Yet another response validation from a neutral comment... Within 30 seconds, a downvote appears... Never fear ZH'ers... The 'thought police' are on 24/7 prowl to be sure that you know how & what to think on any & every issue...

Wed, 08/01/2012 - 10:12 | 2668478 cycloptron
cycloptron's picture

they both have a Z?

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:23 | 2666299 buzzsaw99
Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:59 | 2666423 malikai
malikai's picture

It hurts!

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:21 | 2666301 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

"It's a kick in the __________"

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:23 | 2666308 Frastric
Frastric's picture

Tyler tell us when we can short this stock! Seems to be an epic money-making opportunity!

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:24 | 2666310 chet
chet's picture

Is this the soccer team?  Sports franchises are money losers pretty much across the board.  They are a vanity holding for rich people, who watch the team lose games/money for as long as they can stand it, then sell.  If they make money, it is by selling to an even bigger sucker.

Why would it appeal to anyone to buy public shares in a soccer club?

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:25 | 2666315 Hype Alert
Hype Alert's picture

Manchester United, Peregrine, Bloomin Brands, Eloqua Inc.

 

Does that say market top?  Dump and run.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:54 | 2666572 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

How about the fucking Tampa Bay Buccaneers?

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:28 | 2666319 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

 

 

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

for

Fidelity.

Investors...not so much.

 

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:30 | 2666331 Swarmee
Swarmee's picture

Well, sir, we here at Fidelity are just thrilled to hear you are interested in the Manchester United IPO, it's really quite exciting. Let me just check your eligibility, yes, yes, I see you have $2,000 in your account so I'll just add you to the IPO registry aaaaaaannnnd IT'S GONE!

Sir, please vacate your seat as this office is for solvent customers only.

Next!

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:35 | 2666349 PiratePawpaw
PiratePawpaw's picture

Every time I get $2000 in any account, I with draw it, buy something tangible, and store it.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:11 | 2666456 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

Like a safe. Or a Mattress.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:45 | 2666351 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

16,666,667 ordinary shares being offered by the 'Red Devils.'

 

Old Trafford

Theatre of Dreams (Blotto says: and Illusions)

 Dont mess with 'SIR' Alex Ferguson... The Queen royal occultist Bee herself - knighted him.

http://occultmediadeception.blogspot.ca/2010/12/wayne-rooney.html

 

 

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:49 | 2666400 KenShabby
KenShabby's picture

Have another whiskey Sir Alex - you sod.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:36 | 2666352 duckarooni
duckarooni's picture

Anyone stupid enough to be suckered into this scam deserves to be taken for everything they've got. Glazers = carpetbaggers. Scum of the earth.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:36 | 2666356 Oro
Oro's picture

Abigal, Abigal, your father was before his time.  Why paticiapte in this nosense.  You have more class,

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:36 | 2666357 Oro
Oro's picture

Abigal, Abigal, your father was before his time.  Why paticiapte in this nosense.  You have more class,

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:44 | 2666381 NeedleDickTheBu...
NeedleDickTheBugFucker's picture

Unfortunately, I blew all my money on the Boston Celtics IPO back in 1986.  All I got for my lousy investment was this stupid stock certificate.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 18:02 | 2666587 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

That's more than you can get these days.  You can not get a stock certificate anymore.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:46 | 2666390 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

Love United, Hate Glazer.

 

Everything that's wrong with overleveraging in the world today, kicking me where it truly hurts.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:47 | 2666393 KenShabby
KenShabby's picture

Fuck the Glazers.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:50 | 2666397 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture

Potential My Tin Hat Alert. I am looking for another coincidental coordinated effort similar to the Kayak IPO. A non underwriter (Goldman), downgrades a momo stock (Chipotle), driving the herd into the preferred IPO stock (Kayak).

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 16:57 | 2666422 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

yes i would like to buy 1000 shares and help finance Rooneys nightly flings with hookers

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:04 | 2666436 Lionhead
Lionhead's picture

Must be that "Death of Equities" thing at work again. At the end, you dump all the inventory you can on the public just before the curtain comes down. First, they tried 'social media.' Now, they're on to sports. What's next, pornography IPO's that the SEC views regularly?

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:11 | 2666455 RichardENixon
RichardENixon's picture

Brilliant business model, in my opinion. Find an internationally known entertainment name like Facebook or Manchester United, launch an IPO, overprice the shares which is easy because universal recognition of the brand creates artificial demand, and scoop up profits. Fucking brilliant.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 20:51 | 2667055 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

aka ~ If therez sheep to shizzle, we'll find 'em... (hold the applause ~ were born to do this ~ somebody has to do it ~ God says so ~ see? it's written right here)...

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:12 | 2666463 billsykes
billsykes's picture

SO if they could actually win a cup or tournament (soccer is fucking boring) - would that bring in revenue?

Oh fuck it just occured to me..... red sox, yankees, bears and dolphin IPO's next.the downward spiral continues. next Kim K's big ass IPO.

 

Is it too late to just grow a van dyke get some suspenders and be a socialist?

 

(in this country I would still be able to complain about the same things either way)

 

 

 

 

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:28 | 2666504 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Let's make some real money - Legalize POT....

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:29 | 2666506 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

What I want to see is another complete blow up of the offering.

The manipulators of the market will be forced to admit that someone besides them can take control.

Great explanation of the "flash crash", by the way.

 

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:36 | 2666523 Brahms Third Racket
Brahms Third Racket's picture

And if this goes well, I'm hearing that the Watford Long John Silver Impersonators will be going public.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejTTJmJSHkk

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:40 | 2666537 Gromit
Gromit's picture

Floated in New York rather than London because it would be illegal to sell shares with restricted voting rights.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 17:42 | 2666541 BORT
BORT's picture

But they have a $40 Million IOU from Chevy

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 18:20 | 2666615 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

The 40M is in the channel.  Not to worry about it.

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 18:06 | 2666591 Neethgie
Neethgie's picture

im not messing up this time, my fb short wasnt really that big, this time ill be shorting to infinity.

i support man utd tho, season ticket holder... ahh well thanks glazer

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 18:10 | 2666595 MillionDollarBogus_
MillionDollarBogus_'s picture

WHat's the rumpus..??

Man U is valued at 1.8 billion.

Don't see how you can compare their 300 million IPO to Wastebook.

Glazers need some scratch..??

Tue, 07/31/2012 - 19:33 | 2666835 cebri88
cebri88's picture

Shut up and take my money¡¡¡ 

Wed, 08/01/2012 - 05:26 | 2667948 Coldfire
Coldfire's picture

I think The Telegraph made the main point about the inanity of this IPO: where is the growth going to come from?

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