Help Wanted: Central Bank Governor

Tyler Durden's picture


The official release, just issued by HM Treasury, is below. The unofficial one is as follows: "The successful candidate must have proficiency with the CTRL and P buttons. Must sound confident and sophisticated when talking in circles while saying nothing. Must be malleable to financial sector suggestions. All other considerations secondary."

From the Her Majesty's Treasury

Governor of the Bank of England


The position of Governor of the Bank of England will fall vacant when Sir Mervyn King retires in June 2013. The Governor leads the Bank of England, and plays an important role in setting monetary and regulatory policy, chairing the Monetary Policy Committee, the Financial Policy Committee and (from next year) the board of the Prudential Regulation Authority. The Governor represents the Bank in important international fora, such as the G7, G20, the European Systemic Risk Board and the Bank of International Settlements in Basel. The Governor is an executive member of the Bank’s Court of Directors.


The Governor will work closely with the Chancellor of the Exchequer and H M Treasury, which is responsible for setting the framework under which the Bank operates.


The new Governor will lead the Bank through major reforms to the regulatory system, including the transfer of new responsibilities that will see the Bank take the lead in safeguarding the stability of the UK financial system.


The successful candidate must demonstrate that they can successfully lead, influence and manage the change in the Bank’s responsibilities, inspiring confidence and credibility both within the Bank and throughout financial markets.


The successful candidate will have experience of working in, or with, a central bank or similar institution; or will have worked at the most senior level in a major bank or other financial institution. He or she will demonstrate strong leadership, management and policy skills; will have an advanced understanding of financial markets and good economic knowledge. He or she will be a strong communicator, have good interpersonal skills and will be a person of undisputed integrity and standing.


The closing date for all applications is 8:30 am on 8 October 2012.

In other news, Jim O'Neill and John Carney are already polishing their resumes.

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Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:30 | 2782089 Aziz
Aziz's picture

Applying, bitchez.

My application:

  1. Are you concerned about the long-term social and economic implications of a monetary policy that enriches the rich over and above everyone else?
  2. Are you familiar with the concept of the Cantillon Effect whereby the creation and allocation of new money transfers purchasing power to whoever it is allocated to? Did you consider this effect prior to embarking on a program of quantitative easing to the financial sector?
  3. Given the financial sector’s awful track record in terms of blowing up the economy, fabricating LIBOR data for its own enrichment, and neglecting cash-starved small businesses, is the financial sector an appropriate allocator of new money?
  4. Now that the empirical record shows the policy of helicopter-dropping cash directly to the financial sector disproportionately favours the rich, have you considered changing course and adopting a different monetary policy that doesn’t favour any particular group? 
Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:02 | 2782234 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

I was DQ'd from this position, unfortunately, because I have this nagging respect for money with intrinsic, value. Oh yeah, also I don't have lingering issues of stolen lunch money when I was a kid and my parents were married.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:11 | 2782286 Mark Carney
Mark Carney's picture



That was easy :)

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782094 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Shirley I'm qualified to flush the financial toilet. :)

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782113 vintageyz
vintageyz's picture

Surely you do not want to be called Shirley.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:29 | 2782139 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I surely do. Insult me, beat me, just don't call me Bob. :)

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:47 | 2782195 malikai
malikai's picture

But Bob is the good guy. He brings us the slack we all deserve.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:48 | 2782202 theMAXILOPEZpsycho
theMAXILOPEZpsycho's picture

It's sad that King is leaving. He seemed to be the one central banker who was never swerved a mad populist agenda against stimulus and central bank intervention. I hope the new candidate will be as robust and as forthcomming with necessary measures.

King should certainly be considered for a post with the federal reserve - as an adviser I'm sure he could help them cut through this dilly dallying they've been doing for over a year

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:19 | 2782097 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

It's nice to know somebody is hiring.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:35 | 2782168 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Goyim need not apply...

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:52 | 2782215 ShouldveLeftHer
ShouldveLeftHer's picture


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 15:58 | 2782924 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

of course the bureaucracy is (still) hiring, even if Mervyn King has proved beyond all reasonable doubt the post is worthless as a regulator and banking oversight, worthless at responsibly managing the (monopoly) monetary system and worthless at being independent of political demands (King has bent over backwards to be a crone)

far be it for the bureaucracy to cut its clothes to a recession, in fact they've hiked taxes adding insult to injury for the private sector while moaning like brats about "austerity" which not only has not been implemented, but actually the debt-spending has bloated even further 

and this whimpering crone, King, doesn't know a way back to "normaility" can anything be normal when he's been propping up all the rotten garbage in banking and politics?


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:20 | 2782102 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Sounds like non-productive work and a shit job at that.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 15:08 | 2782736 GoldenTool
GoldenTool's picture

Does it come with a free goat suit? 

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:20 | 2782103 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

Somebody tell MDB.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:21 | 2782104 StrawberryBlonde
StrawberryBlonde's picture

I have more $ in my piggy bank now than I did when I was I qualify?   ;-)

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:21 | 2782106 Ima anal sphincter
Ima anal sphincter's picture

I am a dumb-ass. It takes a dumb-ass to decide financial policy. I want the job.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:22 | 2782109 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Fuck me,

Thats in my neck of the woods.  Perhaps they would like mixys advice?

Cease and fucking desist from fucking the population over to line you're filthy, lying, downright greedy behaviour at the expence of your fellow man.  Get a job or a trade and earn your keep you fucking filthy parasitical shithawks.

Learn how to plaster a wall, perhaps plumb a radiator, or even wire up a plug, but leave the rest of the land you leech off alone you in-adequte mother fuckers.

How will that go down as an opening speech then?  And here I am cheap.  I will tell the fucking inbred twats for free.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:28 | 2782134 Sweet Chicken
Sweet Chicken's picture


I like the way you talk

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:32 | 2782148 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Cheers sweet chicken.

Do yourself a favour and google mervin king, the govenor of the BOE, and riddle me this.  Does this pathetic looking excuse of a human being even look like he could tie his shoelaces?

I bet no, and I bet twenty quid, he has someone to do it for him the fucking inbred cunt.  Living it large off the backs off all of us?  This has to stop, and it will.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:49 | 2782203 malikai
malikai's picture

Always has been, always will be.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:55 | 2782228 Leopold B. Scotch
Leopold B. Scotch's picture

He has much company.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:43 | 2782278 Tippoo Sultan
Tippoo Sultan's picture

The 'application process' is frankly superfluous, as it can be reduced to but one question for the Candidate: 'Knight or peer ?'

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 15:34 | 2782840 TheFuture_MrGittes
TheFuture_MrGittes's picture

Hmmm... 20 pages of Google image search, and not one image shows his feet... I'm gonna guess slip-ons when NobSpawn isn't about to 'fag' (in the Eton sense) for him.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:22 | 2782110 Bawneee Fwank
Bawneee Fwank's picture

Jon Corzine

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782111 flyr1710
flyr1710's picture

Brian Sack can buy FTSE futures if he applies

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782114 Mongo
Mongo's picture

The position has already been taken by the Rothschilds...

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782116 fuu
fuu's picture

Shovel ready.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:28 | 2782133 Aziz
Aziz's picture

Shovelling cash into wheelbarrows.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:24 | 2782118 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

no shortage of maggots for that job

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 14:42 | 2782641 No Euros please...
No Euros please we're British's picture

Yeah, they had a neat ad on zerohedge sponsoring Draghi. Wheel barrow production is been ramped up right now. Ironic isn't it, Vorsprung Durch Technik.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:43 | 2782121 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

"You go tell Billy's mom, and I'll go get another tyre swing."

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:33 | 2782129 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Do I get to kill people? I mean directly... Not just indirectly through the wars at my disposal and through the poverty I cause ?

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:27 | 2782130 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

No mention of an important job duty:

Manipulation of financial instruments to support the British Empire banks (eg. LIBOR)

Ability to cover-up all manipulation of financial instruments from the common people of the Empire.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:30 | 2782131 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Ali G for BoE Governer

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:47 | 2782135 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Queue up lads for this real life, rock star dream job: money for nothing and your chicks for free.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:28 | 2782136 No Euros please...
No Euros please we're British's picture

Fuck you, Goldman Sachs. Keep your filthy bankster clones away from the UK. Succesive "governments" have been screwing the peasants quite successfully for the past 1000 years without your help.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:29 | 2782138 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

i've written a macro, which makes me the most qualified:


do while x =0




Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:33 | 2782157 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture



if y<infinity

then add $1T


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:57 | 2782236 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

128 bits ought to do it.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:17 | 2782304 fuu
fuu's picture


20 GOTO 10

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:31 | 2782146 Anglo Hondo
Anglo Hondo's picture

" ... a person of undisputed integrity ..."

Obviously not looking for a banker then.


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:31 | 2782147 linrom
linrom's picture

MY List:

Steve Keen

Michael Hudson

Dean Baker

Howard Cosell

Rowan Atkinson

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:55 | 2782227 Liquid Courage
Liquid Courage's picture

Can't forget Sir Desmond Glazebrook from the excellent BBC series Yes, Minister.


Couldn't find a link for the apposite clip where Sir Desmond actually becomes head of the BOE, but this clip of his first appearance on the show while still a mere "Banker" gets the extent of his total cluelessness across rather well. I think I can guarantee that it's the only time you'll ever hear the name Maynard Keynes uttered on a popular TV show.

What a great show that was. Apparently Maggie Thatcher was a huge fan and never missed an episode. They don't make 'em like that anymore ... TV shows or Iron Ladies.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:37 | 2782151 coltek
coltek's picture

Maybe Barry Soetero should apply.....If he can get his SSN sorted.


.....Or maybe GOD in Barry's absence!


Nah, he would probably give Allah a reference though......

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:11 | 2783354 Herodotus
Herodotus's picture

He never renounced his status as a British Subject when he turned 18, so I imagine that he is still qualified.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:33 | 2782159 Racer
Racer's picture

And most vital qualification,

Direct participation and knowledge of to the Vampire Squid, er Goldman Sachs fradulent manipulations, er transactions and deals

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:34 | 2782163 Upland27
Upland27's picture

I'm an MIT grad and summered in Harare.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:38 | 2782177 Aziz
Aziz's picture

Studying under Dr. Gideon Gono will get you a serious head start.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:35 | 2782169 Racer
Racer's picture

"a person of undisputed integrity and standing."

Glad I didn't have any liquids in my mouth when I read that or I would have kissed good bye to keyboard and screen!

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