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Help Wanted: Central Bank Governor

Tyler Durden's picture


The official release, just issued by HM Treasury, is below. The unofficial one is as follows: "The successful candidate must have proficiency with the CTRL and P buttons. Must sound confident and sophisticated when talking in circles while saying nothing. Must be malleable to financial sector suggestions. All other considerations secondary."

From the Her Majesty's Treasury

Governor of the Bank of England


The position of Governor of the Bank of England will fall vacant when Sir Mervyn King retires in June 2013. The Governor leads the Bank of England, and plays an important role in setting monetary and regulatory policy, chairing the Monetary Policy Committee, the Financial Policy Committee and (from next year) the board of the Prudential Regulation Authority. The Governor represents the Bank in important international fora, such as the G7, G20, the European Systemic Risk Board and the Bank of International Settlements in Basel. The Governor is an executive member of the Bank’s Court of Directors.


The Governor will work closely with the Chancellor of the Exchequer and H M Treasury, which is responsible for setting the framework under which the Bank operates.


The new Governor will lead the Bank through major reforms to the regulatory system, including the transfer of new responsibilities that will see the Bank take the lead in safeguarding the stability of the UK financial system.


The successful candidate must demonstrate that they can successfully lead, influence and manage the change in the Bank’s responsibilities, inspiring confidence and credibility both within the Bank and throughout financial markets.


The successful candidate will have experience of working in, or with, a central bank or similar institution; or will have worked at the most senior level in a major bank or other financial institution. He or she will demonstrate strong leadership, management and policy skills; will have an advanced understanding of financial markets and good economic knowledge. He or she will be a strong communicator, have good interpersonal skills and will be a person of undisputed integrity and standing.


The closing date for all applications is 8:30 am on 8 October 2012.

In other news, Jim O'Neill and John Carney are already polishing their resumes.


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Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:30 | 2782089 Aziz
Aziz's picture

Applying, bitchez.

My application:

  1. Are you concerned about the long-term social and economic implications of a monetary policy that enriches the rich over and above everyone else?
  2. Are you familiar with the concept of the Cantillon Effect whereby the creation and allocation of new money transfers purchasing power to whoever it is allocated to? Did you consider this effect prior to embarking on a program of quantitative easing to the financial sector?
  3. Given the financial sector’s awful track record in terms of blowing up the economy, fabricating LIBOR data for its own enrichment, and neglecting cash-starved small businesses, is the financial sector an appropriate allocator of new money?
  4. Now that the empirical record shows the policy of helicopter-dropping cash directly to the financial sector disproportionately favours the rich, have you considered changing course and adopting a different monetary policy that doesn’t favour any particular group? 
Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:02 | 2782234 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

I was DQ'd from this position, unfortunately, because I have this nagging respect for money with intrinsic, value. Oh yeah, also I don't have lingering issues of stolen lunch money when I was a kid and my parents were married.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:11 | 2782286 Mark Carney
Mark Carney's picture



That was easy :)

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782094 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Shirley I'm qualified to flush the financial toilet. :)

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782113 vintageyz
vintageyz's picture

Surely you do not want to be called Shirley.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:29 | 2782139 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I surely do. Insult me, beat me, just don't call me Bob. :)

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:47 | 2782195 malikai
malikai's picture

But Bob is the good guy. He brings us the slack we all deserve.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:48 | 2782202 theMAXILOPEZpsycho
theMAXILOPEZpsycho's picture

It's sad that King is leaving. He seemed to be the one central banker who was never swerved a mad populist agenda against stimulus and central bank intervention. I hope the new candidate will be as robust and as forthcomming with necessary measures.

King should certainly be considered for a post with the federal reserve - as an adviser I'm sure he could help them cut through this dilly dallying they've been doing for over a year

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:19 | 2782097 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

It's nice to know somebody is hiring.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:35 | 2782168 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Goyim need not apply...

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:52 | 2782215 ShouldveLeftHer
ShouldveLeftHer's picture


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 15:58 | 2782924 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

of course the bureaucracy is (still) hiring, even if Mervyn King has proved beyond all reasonable doubt the post is worthless as a regulator and banking oversight, worthless at responsibly managing the (monopoly) monetary system and worthless at being independent of political demands (King has bent over backwards to be a crone)

far be it for the bureaucracy to cut its clothes to a recession, in fact they've hiked taxes adding insult to injury for the private sector while moaning like brats about "austerity" which not only has not been implemented, but actually the debt-spending has bloated even further 

and this whimpering crone, King, doesn't know a way back to "normaility" can anything be normal when he's been propping up all the rotten garbage in banking and politics?


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:20 | 2782102 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Sounds like non-productive work and a shit job at that.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 15:08 | 2782736 GoldenTool
GoldenTool's picture

Does it come with a free goat suit? 

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:20 | 2782103 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

Somebody tell MDB.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:21 | 2782104 StrawberryBlonde
StrawberryBlonde's picture

I have more $ in my piggy bank now than I did when I was I qualify?   ;-)

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:21 | 2782106 Ima anal sphincter
Ima anal sphincter's picture

I am a dumb-ass. It takes a dumb-ass to decide financial policy. I want the job.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:22 | 2782109 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Fuck me,

Thats in my neck of the woods.  Perhaps they would like mixys advice?

Cease and fucking desist from fucking the population over to line you're filthy, lying, downright greedy behaviour at the expence of your fellow man.  Get a job or a trade and earn your keep you fucking filthy parasitical shithawks.

Learn how to plaster a wall, perhaps plumb a radiator, or even wire up a plug, but leave the rest of the land you leech off alone you in-adequte mother fuckers.

How will that go down as an opening speech then?  And here I am cheap.  I will tell the fucking inbred twats for free.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:28 | 2782134 Sweet Chicken
Sweet Chicken's picture


I like the way you talk

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:32 | 2782148 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Cheers sweet chicken.

Do yourself a favour and google mervin king, the govenor of the BOE, and riddle me this.  Does this pathetic looking excuse of a human being even look like he could tie his shoelaces?

I bet no, and I bet twenty quid, he has someone to do it for him the fucking inbred cunt.  Living it large off the backs off all of us?  This has to stop, and it will.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:49 | 2782203 malikai
malikai's picture

Always has been, always will be.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:55 | 2782228 Leopold B. Scotch
Leopold B. Scotch's picture

He has much company.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:43 | 2782278 Tippoo Sultan
Tippoo Sultan's picture

The 'application process' is frankly superfluous, as it can be reduced to but one question for the Candidate: 'Knight or peer ?'

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 15:34 | 2782840 TheFuture_MrGittes
TheFuture_MrGittes's picture

Hmmm... 20 pages of Google image search, and not one image shows his feet... I'm gonna guess slip-ons when NobSpawn isn't about to 'fag' (in the Eton sense) for him.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:22 | 2782110 Bawneee Fwank
Bawneee Fwank's picture

Jon Corzine

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782111 flyr1710
flyr1710's picture

Brian Sack can buy FTSE futures if he applies

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782114 Mongo
Mongo's picture

The position has already been taken by the Rothschilds...

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:23 | 2782116 fuu
fuu's picture

Shovel ready.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:28 | 2782133 Aziz
Aziz's picture

Shovelling cash into wheelbarrows.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:24 | 2782118 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

no shortage of maggots for that job

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 14:42 | 2782641 No Euros please...
No Euros please we're British's picture

Yeah, they had a neat ad on zerohedge sponsoring Draghi. Wheel barrow production is been ramped up right now. Ironic isn't it, Vorsprung Durch Technik.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:43 | 2782121 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

"You go tell Billy's mom, and I'll go get another tyre swing."

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:33 | 2782129 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Do I get to kill people? I mean directly... Not just indirectly through the wars at my disposal and through the poverty I cause ?

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:27 | 2782130 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

No mention of an important job duty:

Manipulation of financial instruments to support the British Empire banks (eg. LIBOR)

Ability to cover-up all manipulation of financial instruments from the common people of the Empire.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:30 | 2782131 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Ali G for BoE Governer

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:47 | 2782135 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Queue up lads for this real life, rock star dream job: money for nothing and your chicks for free.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:28 | 2782136 No Euros please...
No Euros please we're British's picture

Fuck you, Goldman Sachs. Keep your filthy bankster clones away from the UK. Succesive "governments" have been screwing the peasants quite successfully for the past 1000 years without your help.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:29 | 2782138 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

i've written a macro, which makes me the most qualified:


do while x =0




Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:33 | 2782157 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture



if y<infinity

then add $1T


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:57 | 2782236 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

128 bits ought to do it.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:17 | 2782304 fuu
fuu's picture


20 GOTO 10

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:31 | 2782146 Anglo Hondo
Anglo Hondo's picture

" ... a person of undisputed integrity ..."

Obviously not looking for a banker then.


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:31 | 2782147 linrom
linrom's picture

MY List:

Steve Keen

Michael Hudson

Dean Baker

Howard Cosell

Rowan Atkinson

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:55 | 2782227 Liquid Courage
Liquid Courage's picture

Can't forget Sir Desmond Glazebrook from the excellent BBC series Yes, Minister.


Couldn't find a link for the apposite clip where Sir Desmond actually becomes head of the BOE, but this clip of his first appearance on the show while still a mere "Banker" gets the extent of his total cluelessness across rather well. I think I can guarantee that it's the only time you'll ever hear the name Maynard Keynes uttered on a popular TV show.

What a great show that was. Apparently Maggie Thatcher was a huge fan and never missed an episode. They don't make 'em like that anymore ... TV shows or Iron Ladies.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:37 | 2782151 coltek
coltek's picture

Maybe Barry Soetero should apply.....If he can get his SSN sorted.


.....Or maybe GOD in Barry's absence!


Nah, he would probably give Allah a reference though......

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:11 | 2783354 Herodotus
Herodotus's picture

He never renounced his status as a British Subject when he turned 18, so I imagine that he is still qualified.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:33 | 2782159 Racer
Racer's picture

And most vital qualification,

Direct participation and knowledge of to the Vampire Squid, er Goldman Sachs fradulent manipulations, er transactions and deals

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:34 | 2782163 Upland27
Upland27's picture

I'm an MIT grad and summered in Harare.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:38 | 2782177 Aziz
Aziz's picture

Studying under Dr. Gideon Gono will get you a serious head start.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:35 | 2782169 Racer
Racer's picture

"a person of undisputed integrity and standing."

Glad I didn't have any liquids in my mouth when I read that or I would have kissed good bye to keyboard and screen!

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:41 | 2782176 aleph0
aleph0's picture



Wasn't there someone from GS that recently said  :

 "I'd take the job if I was offered it"

LOL .. OK .. it was Jim alright.


Is Goldman Sachs to take the Bank of England too?


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:42 | 2782187 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Heres another thing fellow ZHers,

That piece of human floatsum, the dispicable in-human, filthy and downright corrupt tony b.liar is trying to make a comeback into British politics.  The new leader of the communist nation wrecking labour party, the ed-miller-band has appointed the odious b.liar as head of sport for the communist faction of shithawk labour lies.

The war criminal may yet make a full time time come back and screw Britain just a little more.  Just warning you, as his boss and controller GWB may have similar plans.  Fuck me, they even want a bust of this filthy cunt b.liar in the houses of parliament.  Now hows that for rubbing an entire nations nose in it?

Cunts, every last fucking one of them, with the war criminal tax evading cunt b.liar right at the top of the pile.  And did I mention his disgusting filthy wife?  You wouldnt fuck that with a stolen dick comrades.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:59 | 2782239 Liquid Courage
Liquid Courage's picture

Aw, c'mon now, Mixie ... surely old Tony wants to just slip the tip in, eh wot?

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:11 | 2782285 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Fuck me???.........

Two down votes??  You even know who b.liar is or is GCHQ out early tonight?

Well GCHQ, if you are out and about.  Fuck you, and arrest the war criminal b.liar.  Do your fucking jobs for a change.


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:46 | 2782194 Rathmullan
Rathmullan's picture

How about the guy who wrote this:

"if shortage of bank reserves was causing a business decline-argued economic interventionists-why not find a way of supplying increased reserves to the banks so they never need be short! If banks can continue to loan money indefinitely-it was claimed-there need never be any slumps in business. And so the Federal Reserve System was organized in 1913. It consisted of twelve regional Federal Reserve banks nominally owned by private bankers, but in fact government sponsored, controlled, and supported. Credit extended by these banks is in practice (though not legally) backed by the taxing power of the federal government. Technically, we remained on the gold standard; individuals were still free to own gold, and gold continued to be used as bank reserves. But now, in addition to gold, credit extended by the Federal Reserve banks ("paper reserves") could serve as legal tender to pay depositors.

When business in the United States underwent a mild contraction in 1927, the Federal Reserve created more paper reserves in the hope of forestalling any possible bank reserve shortage. More disastrous, however, was the Federal Reserve's attempt to assist Great Britain who had been losing gold to us because the Bank of England refused to allow interest rates to rise when market forces dictated (it was politically unpalatable). The reasoning of the authorities involved was as follows: if the Federal Reserve pumped excessive paper reserves into American banks, interest rates in the United States would fall to a level comparable with those in Great Britain; this would act to stop Britain's gold loss and avoid the political embarrassment of having to raise interest rates. The "Fed" succeeded; it stopped the gold loss, but it nearly destroyed the economies of the world, in the process. The excess credit which the Fed pumped into the economy spilled over into the stock market-triggering a fantastic speculative boom. Belatedly, Federal Reserve officials attempted to sop up the excess reserves and finally succeeded in braking the boom. But it was too late: by 1929 the speculative imbalances had become so overwhelming that the attempt precipitated a sharp retrenching and a consequent demoralizing of business confidence. As a result, the American economy collapsed. Great Britain fared even worse, and rather than absorb the full consequences of her previous folly, she abandoned the gold standard completely in 1931, tearing asunder what remained of the fabric of confidence and inducing a world-wide series of bank failures. The world economies plunged into the Great Depression of the 1930's." - ALAN GREENSPAN, 1966

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:21 | 2782314 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

Simply because Winston Spencer-Churchill as Chancellor of the Exchequer in 1925 put Britain back onto the Gold Standard at $4.8675 and caused The General Strike in 1926 which required the Government to nationalise the BBC to have a propaganda arm. It also meant Churchill cut back heavily on Defence spending for the completion of the fortifications in Singapore which as a consequence fell in 1942 and the doctrine of the Ten Year Rule which left Britain effectively disarmed.

The basic truth was that the USA had the gold reserves from staying out of the War people like Winston Spencer-Churchill were so keen to start in 1914.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 14:43 | 2782642 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

There were NO Bank failures in the British Empire

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 12:49 | 2782204 Roubinesque
Roubinesque's picture

Most be able to stimulate irrational exuberance...

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:09 | 2782273 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Here is yet another interesting fact of some of down right stupidity us "subjects" of HM the queen have to stomach.

HRH the prince of wales has, wait for it, if you do not believe me google it, you cannot make this up, 127 people who run up his over pampered arse.  You have read that right ZHers.  The prince of wales has 127 servants to run after him, while he swans around the world on private planes with fuck knows how big a security detail, in rolls royces telling you plebs to reduce your carbon footprint, and making do and mend, while this profesional  inbred german lives the good life off all his "subjects" backs.

This might have sounded bitter, but with so many people over here living in abject poverty, and more than 47 million of my fellow men living in your country, it sticks in some of our throats.

Rant, fucking, off

EDIT.  47 million on food stamps.  Jesus fucking christ, just try to visualise 47 million people standing in a room???  The mind boggles

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:23 | 2782324 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

The obvious candidate would have been Brian Pitman but he is unfortunately dead.....failing that it will be a Treasury Civil Servant like Gus O'Donnell

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 13:29 | 2782351 EscapingProgress
EscapingProgress's picture

Those who are not muppet fleecers need not apply.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 14:02 | 2782416 Anasteus
Anasteus's picture

The list of requirements is not complete... additionally

a) A candidate must be a member of Bilderberg Group and/or Trilateral Commission. The membership in both organizations is highly favored.

b) A candidate should be keen on continuing and supporting very accommodative policy in tight cooperation with the monetary policy of the FED. All subsequent measures can only be applied after mutual discussion between The Governor and the chairman of the FED and after receiving verbal (not written!) permission from the FED.

c) A candidate must demonstrate strong skills in persuading the public in problematic situations. For example, all candidates will be given an opportunity to explain why 'LIBOR case' is not a case at all. The candidate who will provide the most persuasive explanation as to why the so called 'LIBOR case' is in fact a new productive and effective way of modern banking system bringing benefits to everyone will be highly favored.

d) A special emphasis will be taken on the communication skills. Candidates must demonstrate ability to lead impressive long-term speech on a selected subject eliminating all doubts about his (or her) high professional competence while, at the same time, not disclosing any specific details about mechanism, data or overall architecture that could identify the merits of the subject. The only exceptions allowed are subjects with keywords 'quantitative easing', 'sustainable economic growth', 'sustainable debt' and 'new world order'.

e) Candidates will have to pass a special psychological test by measuring reactions and associations in so called 'high currency numbers' test. For example, 100 billion dollars, 10 trillion euros, 10 quadrillion British pounds, etc. Any sort of hesitation or even dismay measured during the test will be subject to disqualification.

f) Candidates must demonstrate high interest in going parties with political elite, the heads of cartels, trusts, monopolies as well as other central bankers. Candidates should also like playing golf and, on special occasions, singing ‘God Save The Queen’.

You are all welcome!

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 14:36 | 2782612 SmittyinLA
SmittyinLA's picture

"The successful candidate must have proficiency with the CTRL and P buttons. Must sound confident and sophisticated when talking in circles while saying nothing. Must be malleable to financial sector suggestions. All other considerations secondary."


Sounds slike an Obama job offer

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 15:45 | 2782843 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

Trust me, a dripping wet blanket would be a vast improvement on that worthless clueless muppet Mervyn King

he has overseen massive over-leverage and over-indebtedness in the British banking sector not to mention it being in absolute shambles all without so much as interferring with his monthly tea-sipping sessions at BoE meetings. He's been sitting on earthquake tremors and volcanos exploding yet remained calm as a cucumber

meanwhile London, like New York, has become financial crime and fraud centre of the world

Lucifer couldn't have regulated a more rotten system better than Merv

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 16:10 | 2782979 Bertie Bear
Bertie Bear's picture

Mervyn King and Ben Benanke have one thing common. The are both failed academics with absolute certainty that they are correct. Number one lesson from this crisis? Never ever appoint an academic to this job again.

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